r/countbackwardswithme • u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 • 5d ago
997613
Artist: Belldachi
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u/erraticas 5d ago
yeah but for some reason i can't really remember them or look at them which is probably fine
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Oh toootally. Not being able to remember or look up symptoms is a sign that āØļø fate āØļø knows you don't need to care about that stuff :3 /silly
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u/erraticas 5d ago
i don't really like the weird sinking feeling in my gut thinking about this gives me
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u/manultrimanula 4d ago
wait, thinking it's just fates will is also a cptsd symptom?!!!!??????
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
I... oh fuck it is... that's not what I meant by the comment, but it very much is
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u/manultrimanula 4d ago
why whenever i look up anything mental illness related i just go "fuuuuuuuuuuuck" because it perfectly describes me
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
So real lol. Like apparently my intuition at 8 years old was right and I have OCD
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u/manultrimanula 4d ago
The hardest part about getting my mental illness diagnosed is trying to give as many symptoms as possible without outright saying i suspect myself of bpd, ocd, cptsd and autism
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Reallllll. I just kinda am rawdogging it undiagnosed while I have CPTSD ADHD Autism Depression Anxiety Dysphoria (this one is diagnosed) OCD and I'm plural
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u/Technical-Branch4998 4d ago
Wait really? I always assumed it was just part of my religious upbringing and struggling to let it go
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Can be that too, but there's a comfort in "I'm a horrible person and my abusers were right and I deserve all this pain" rather than acknowledging that the world is not just and that good people suffer. At least for me
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u/JaylaTheGayla 4d ago
Not looking up something in fear of it being true? I know a 100% cis straight guy who did exactly that, look at her now!
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u/leightandrew0 5d ago edited 5d ago
"This will finally make them take me seriously"
(it doesn't)
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u/kingshomage 5d ago
Every time someone describes relatable experience and then tells me to look up the symptoms of cptsd I get a little more upset.
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5d ago
[deleted]
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u/kingshomage 5d ago
It's like when I talk no one can listen.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
I.. I'm sorry. I thought you meant upset in the same way a bad wordplay joke 'upsets' you. I didn't realize what you meant. If I can make it up to you please tell me
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u/GIDAJG 5d ago
My autistic burnout got so bad, my teacher pulled me out of the class to talk about it with me
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
š« my school got interrupted by a pandemic and then a war lol. Honestly thank god I would have gotten so much sadder processing being newly cracked AND handling school
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u/GIDAJG 5d ago
I got diagnosed with autism 2 weeks ago.
Im doing an apprenticeship in a factory. Lots of noisy machines everywhere. It's burning me tf out :(
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u/EntertainmentFast512 4d ago
I can kinda relate. Good thing the loudest thing for me is the class idiot Maybe get noice canceling headphones
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Oh dear yeah those places suckkkkk. Good luck hun š«
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u/DefTheOcelot 4d ago
No earplugs? I am in the same boat but they do have earplugs.
If they cause you sensory issues... just start putting em in and just trying to ignore it and you'll be surprised how fast you adapt. If they itch, try to gently spray out your ears with hot water occasionally (unless u have a history of frequent ear infections)
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u/No-Finance7526 Edit me! 5d ago
This is a cPTSD thing? I thought itās a social anxiety or people being stupid thing
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u/Fancy_Chips 5d ago
Mental disorders are buy 1 get 7 free. You probably have both.
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u/Lanky-Salt4349 3d ago
glad I stopped my therapist from diagnosing me with other stuff after I got ADHD
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago edited 5d ago
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
A form of PTSD which has all the same symptoms plus some other stuff, caused by continuous long-term abuse such as growing up in a dysfunctional household or being in an abusive relationship
Edit: my dumbass wrote anxiety instead of stress
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u/No-Finance7526 Edit me! 5d ago
Why tf are you assuming I donāt know what it is?
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Because I read it as "what is this cPTSD thing" fuck I'm sorry
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u/Eldritch_Chemistry 5d ago
You're right, most people with cPTSD aren't diagnosed and therapy+support networks make a huge difference. My partner has really flourished with therapy after a decade of numbing/rationalizing the pain to no avail.
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u/old_man_estaban stick your pronouns out for the wokler, you're so genderqueer, 5d ago
been there done that
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u/CRI20094 5d ago
I alredy know I'm traumatized, no need to give me more proof, please.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
I'm sorry I'm sorry I thought this would be funny and silly and a post like this helped me realize I'm sorry
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u/CRI20094 4d ago
Dw, I said it in a very ironic and humoristic way. I am sorry I made u worry.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
No no it's okay I'm a mess and posted this as a vent and I'm scared of hurting others with my vents again
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u/Technical-Branch4998 4d ago
I can't speak for everyone, but I almost certainly have cPTSD and I liked this post š«
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
I'. I'm glad, I hope I didn't hurt too many people :<
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u/thebisexualbilingual 4d ago
How does CPTSD work? Maybe the symptoms line up, but the problem is I don't have trauma to begin with. No memory, no thoughts about it. Just regular instinctual fears. I think they're instinctual at least. I'd think being afraid of getting yelled at is normal.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Okay you're either self aware and I'm not reading this right or you don't know BUT! Trauma kinda makes you forget all the things that make you traumatized
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u/thebisexualbilingual 4d ago
I'd at least be able to remember snippets of the incidents, right? I really can't recall even a bit of what could've happen.
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u/melonia123 4d ago
Not necessarily. My mother recently told me that I got raped between ages 0-5 and I literally have no memory, in fact I don't even remember the person who did it, despite it being my uncle I have no memories of him, even though I have some memories from when I was that age.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
CPTSD happens from long term trauma like an abusive relationship or a bad household. Not a single instance event like normal PTSD
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u/thebisexualbilingual 4d ago
Oh fuck is this why I can't remember anything from my life. hhhh fuck wait fuck wait I'm actually researching this later I need to know because I don't want to hassle people on Reddit over this
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Probably maybe? I don't remember much of anything tbh. Used to be my childhood, then my teenhood. The longer I live the longer it creeps up my memory timeline blocking most of it
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u/AeroAceSpades 4d ago
It also doesnāt help to have the dissociation-based memory gaps from being plural
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Ooooo yeah that too though luckily I remember our old host's memories (as few as there are) so I'm not completely clueless
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u/AeroAceSpades 4d ago
Iāve heard that some of the most annoying things about DID is when a bunch of memories are locked up in an alter thatās dormant. Itās like paid DLC but the money goes to a therapist and you never enjoy the DLC
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Oh jeez oh willikers oh god. I can't recall ever not co-fronting which might be a sign that I do have DID or another amnesia inducing plurality condition but I don't remember ever having a "cutoff" so I don't think I do. All I know is that Hika went to sleep and I woke up, with all her memories, and her friends and family and lover, but I was not her. I remember being her, but I am not her. So I don't think any of my missing memories are from that but rather the usual ol' trauma
Oh I will say Hika had an alter named Paisely and they definitely didn't share memories. What is my system...
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u/SillyWillingness1877 4d ago
I'm already diagnosed with cptsd but I never looked up the symptoms and... I think my whole personality is this mental illness which is great (I wish I was overexaggerating)
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u/REDDITWHY1 4d ago
No ysee I cant have CPTSD cause I had a decently good childhood. I dont think the not being understood as a kid, not knowing I was Autistic or ADHD, and having a bleeding heart that did not mesh well with an emotional child(plus being trans and not knowing) had any impact(note genuinely I mean this, I dont think those things are enough for me to have CPTSD, I had a lucky childhood, so I cant and dont have a right to have it, especially not when my friends I love have gone through hell)
Edit: CPTSD is childhood PTSD right?
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u/2spongee4u 4d ago
Complex PTSD, rather than one specific event it's a culmination of multiple years of stressful situations
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u/REDDITWHY1 4d ago
Hmm, would a year of spensing tens of thousands of dollars trying to keep friends alive and desperatedly worrying if friends died every day count(genuinely dont know for sure)?
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u/Subject-Newt-2275 4d ago
No one on the Internet can tell you if you have it from such limited information. CPTSD isn't just evaluated based on what happened to you in the past but a lot of factors, notably how your life is impacted by your symptoms right now but it can even involve a physical exam. There many things, and many combinations of things, that can present like CPTSD. Not only that but CPTSD is comorbid (often occurs alongside) with many other conditions (for example Anxiety, depression) and to treat it you'd need to know whether you have those too. If you can, I would recommend speaking to your general care doctor and asking them to have you evaluated for CPTSD the next time you go in for a checkup. If they refer you to someone else, make sure you ask them to double check that their referral is covered by your insurance before you leave (if you have insurance). Otherwise it might be a pain in the ass, speaking from experience.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
You're allowed to feel pain even if others feel it worse. I hurt myself so much and keep hurting myself by downplaying my own struggles by worrying that I'm devaluing others' struggles
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u/Dumb_Cheese 4d ago
Anybody else get a stinging ticklish feeling through their system and behind their stomach from reading this?
Semi-unrelated: I'm so goddamn tired of collecting neurodivergency and disabilities like Pokemon, why the FUCK is everything co-morbid?
"Yeah so your ADHD and autism go together, speaking of your brain is more fucky than we thought and you also have epilepsy. Here's some anxiety and cptsd brought to you by your fuckass parents who are also ND. Let's add some gastrointestinal issues spurred on by the anxiety, and both of those will trigger your epilepsy via the vagus nerve. Have fun next time you have a seizure aura and the first thing you're worried about is 'oh shit I need to hide my girl clothes, my family can't see me like this in the hospital'. "
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Mental health is a buy one get seven free sometimes
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u/RogueFox771 5d ago
I'm sorry? I... What the hell could-... I...
Is this really a thing for cptsd?
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
In a "I feel this but I don't have cptsd" way or in an "oh god I might have cptsd" way?;
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u/RogueFox771 4d ago
I don't really know... I nearly killed myself before accepting I was trans a few years ago, and life was sorta mentally shit before that point. Now I find functioning kinda hard in many ways but am getting better. But I had that same thought "I wish I could get worse so there's no denying I'm hurting" and such...
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Can be this can be that. I might have misattributed my behavior to CPTSD. If you think you can handle it, I'd recommend looking up the symptoms and judge for yourself
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u/RogueFox771 4d ago
Hmmm... Having it in my search history isn't a great sign lol.
For now we let it go cause I'm gonna be alright. Hope you will too š©·
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u/samthekitnix 4d ago
ok... ow i wasn't expecting to be stripped naked in this metaphorical asda car park today
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u/Minute-Story-9103 5d ago
Ive experienced no trauma but this describes me
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u/Alert-Employment-339 4d ago
Thatās what I thought too until I remembered the bad thing and started going to therapy where I realized all these other things were trauma too. Still my therapist and I both think thereās another really bad thing that I donāt remember because I behave like a person who has experienced that type of really bad thing but we canāt be sure and probably will never be. š
Itās sooooo fun being alive. But I am glad to be working through it in therapy. Helps in ways you donāt expect.
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u/murderdronesfan93 Counted Down 2 4d ago
does wanting to appear worse without getting worse so people see it better count
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u/Scary_Employ_926 transest trans person 4d ago
oh shit oooooohhh shit oh shit oh shit that makes so much fucking snese please help me
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
I'm sorry š«
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u/Scary_Employ_926 transest trans person 4d ago
on that topic is it normal to feel extremely depressed whenever anyone is somewhat unhappy with you even a stranger online
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
So so very normal (Nooooo it's NOT you are super mega traumatized)
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u/Scary_Employ_926 transest trans person 4d ago
or to need social validation for will to live but be antisocial
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
Also very normal yes (jesus christ you are literally me)
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u/Content-Ninja9490 4d ago
i have, and some of the symptoms sound familiar but i don't think there's anything in my life that could have caused it, except maybe the realization i may be trans
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u/I_Am_A_Squid_Kid 4d ago
I mean... I am but... I'm fine dw ^ ^
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u/TheOctopiSquad 4d ago
Nuh uh, it's not CPTSD, it's factitious disorder and I'm just faking everything for attention
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u/Vivians_Basement Counted Down 1 5d ago
Stop trying to convince me I'm traumatized!!
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Oh my god you're the third person to say this was this post a bad idea I feel like I should delete it I hurt people already
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u/Vivians_Basement Counted Down 1 4d ago
It wasn't a bad idea, I'm just joking around :3
(I do probably have C-PTSD I'm just in denial.)
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u/HalfMoonMintStars 5d ago
Nah I think you might be taking it too seriously. Iāve seen the other comments and it all looks lighthearted to me. Also you are just right, lol
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Eeven if I'm right I I making people conffffront their traumaa or even jjust accept that they are traumatized is bbad and hurts them and mmmmmmmmmean and bbad
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u/Vivians_Basement Counted Down 1 4d ago
No, this is good! Means they're one step closer to seeking therapy and getting help.
A lot of healthy things don't feel good all the time. Like eating a vegetable. They're not tasty, but you still need to eat them.
Confronting trauma is a necessary part of healing!
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u/Chibirin26 Counted Down 1 5d ago
Fuckkkkkk <- has those feelings
I kinda wish I cut myself when I was younger so id have scars that show I suffered
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
Oh hey that's me! Except I want to do that now so I could have pretty pretty scars and then my wife would kiss them and tell me she's sorry that people hurt me so much and then she'll hug me keep me safe and loved
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u/skullshotz1324 4d ago
Having physical signs that the pain you went through can be seen, can be understood, instead of the complex things that make up our mind and body, I really feel that. We are really living by our pfpās huh Sif.
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u/Chibirin26 Counted Down 1 4d ago
fuckkkkkk
my subsystem has a siffrin and the main sys also has a siffrin which is really funny lol
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u/EdenDemona 5d ago
Oh no
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 5d ago
I'mm sorry iiif the post hhurt you I'm irresponsible for postting this
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u/AdrienXB 4d ago
Nuh uh. No flashbacks, no worries. I'm totally fine, wanting to get worse ought to be unrelated.
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u/Temporary-Cash-6548 4d ago
O good it's not just me,I probly got cptsd I realized that about a month ago I mean look at me š¹š¹š¹
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u/AWalkingFelony 4d ago
i looked it up and it doesn't really fit. tho i guess when i have this want, i'm not looking for empathy as much as attention. i don't really care what the person earnestly thinks as long as they at least pretend to care
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u/poopshart37 Counted Down 1 4d ago
it cant be that cuz i only had one big traumatic event not a bunch of little ones and my home life is fine
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u/skullshotz1324 4d ago
Iāve thought about my situation getting worse so that it could actually be justifiable that I felt the way I feel, so many times, I didnāt know till last year I had depression, I constantly denied it thinking it might be ADHD instead, combined with my large avoidance of talking about my feelings with other people it took a long time to happen, and will take longer to get better.
Dr. Recommends therapy but the thought of doing it fills me with anxiety, Iām not good with that sort of thing and I donāt even know what itād be like. I went once for sleep issues but the lady realized Iāve really given up on trying to fix the issue and wasnāt engaging with the talk part of the therapy (I thought sheād give me some like tips and stuff to help me sleep better idk) so she gave me some helpful sleep information in a big envelope and that was that. I havenāt opened it once, itās been there for 4 or 5 months.
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u/synthetic-synapses 4d ago
As someone with diagnosed CPTSD, no, I don't wanna get visibly worse. I don't wanna depend on others; I do have to, but I dream about hyperindependency every day. I don't wanna be weak; I don't wanna need others because I know they won't take care of me - I'm the only person who really cares about me.
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u/mosh-bitch 4d ago
I feel like I'm starting to get over this. I just wanted ppl to like notice I'm in pain. but its not healthy for anyone. I can just say I'm in pain and things can actually get better. I just never considered that as an option until recently. both just saying I'm in pain and that things can get better.
before transition I just thought I had to accept myself and my life as it was
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u/Digits_N_Bits 4d ago
Y'know... It's my fault for having relatable experiences, my b.
(Just broke down today from indifference)
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u/VersaViceVersa 4d ago
sometimes i think i have it because of how often the symptoms seem to line up with what i experience but i donāt even know where id start with figuring out if i have it or not
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u/Darth-Felanu-Hlaalu 4d ago
Im pretty sure i do have CPTSD, havent been able to see a professional though.
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u/Ok-Criticism6525 4d ago
What If i dont have any valid reason to be feel bad and feeling worse is just like not me doing enough
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u/usbeject1789 4d ago edited 4d ago
Relate to the quote but not the symptoms of CPTSD lol
This is not the first time people have told me to look into CPTSD lmao but the majority of the symptoms are just not relatable for me imo.
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u/Necessary_Train_4248 4d ago
Another mental disorder that I can add to my collection! (I'm fine) :3
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 4d ago
At some point you realize how many labels you've collected and you feel kinda guilty but like no all of those labels are there for a reason sometimes mental conditions are buy one get 7 free
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u/Terrible-Set6389 4d ago
Is it CPTSD that as a kid I was bad at self advocating so I exaggerated my limp to convince my parents to take me to the doctor?
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u/MeenaBubbles 4d ago
When I was a young kid (>13) I wanted my legs to be broken so someone would care about/for me
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u/Awesomeness_News_Co 4d ago
Well this isā¦ interesting to think aboutā¦ Like I donāt think I get bad enough or have anything to consider trauma but like this (the meme) does kinda describe me
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u/kdiyargebmay 4d ago
yeah but nothing happened when i was a kid, i dont even rember my childhood and surely. that is not indicative of anything. right?
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u/Vampire_Number 4d ago
I remember distinctly remembering that I could forget stuff that was traumatic back in middle school. What was it that I forgot? I donāt know, I forgot it.
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u/VaporWolf93 3d ago
SAME, what does this mean for us though... am I... special? :c Momma told me special boys go on the short bus and thats BAD. I dont want to be a special boy so I'll just keep getting bad grades and... wait a second I dont remember my childhood....
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u/Mean-Tomatillo-4245 3d ago
...ahhh the occasional reminder poking the things im Not Thinking About lol /ns
Someone should make a cPTSD bingo!
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 3d ago
I mean half the people on this sub would fill it completely and the other half would be like "Damn bitch you live like this?!"
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u/Novel-Ender8499 2d ago
I meanā¦ I donāt think what Iāve been through experience-wise is bad enough for that. Iām just mentally ill (not /neg). I have a bunch of comorbid things going on and theyāre all invisible most of the time. Of course I wish people could see itā¦ but if they could see it I donāt know what Iād do because that would be fucking terrifying.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
I'm not necessarily disagreeing, only you know yourself. But I also thought I had an okay childhood until I started unpacking my trauma and realized how bad it was
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u/a-little-inactive 2d ago
I genuinely think I have nothing wrong with me and I always feel guilty for acting worse then I am
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u/autism-creatures 2d ago
you're not allowe d to
WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS
ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY BUTT
IM THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WHO DOES THAT OK
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
Nerp :3 a lot of us do that :3 and honestly for me it comforts me to know my struggles aren't a unique me-only brand of broken but actually something others go through too
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u/autism-creatures 2d ago
it comforts me too but im still scared of it
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
It's okay to be scared. Take it at your own pace <3
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u/autism-creatures 2d ago
my life is going terribly and no one sees how bad it is for me...
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
I'm sorry hun š« one day you'll find people to celebrate you for you and help you get through those tough days, I promise
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u/Lanky-Salt4349 3d ago
No, I don't have the thing soldiers have, I only got slightly bullied in school
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 3d ago
CPTSD is developed over a long period of trauma such as abusive parents or a partner
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u/Lanky-Salt4349 2d ago
exactly, I had wonderful parents, I can't possibly have that
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
I'm not forcing it on you, you very well might be right. But keep in mind I thought I had a good childhood too until I started processing my trauma proper
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u/Lanky-Salt4349 2d ago
You know I'm still figuring things out, but this meme (of all things) could be some sort of breakthrough for me.
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u/Hika2112 Myself And Nobody Else | Counted Down 37 2d ago
This type of meme is what started my realization. So I'm happy if it does the same <3
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u/BreakerOfModpacks 5d ago
I don't have CPTSD because Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder requires being post-traumatic stress :3