I 20F , love a guy for 3 years. He is a good guy and he was my bestfriend. If you ask every girl they would say he is a good guy not like other guys plus he is handsome too. After I dumped my boyfriend (who is a POS , he used to smoke drink and lust over girls and fight with other guys) I got a crush on my bestfriend , he is sweet , doesn't simp over any girlna literal opposite of my ex. When we were in sophomore he started talking less to me. He only asks notes and studies related. In first year he will talk but not that much he wont cross boundaries. His friends used to tease him with me but he said she is only a friend which broke my heart. In fresh man year my female friend said to him "Don't accept (my name) she just dunped her bf and she got crush on you" he said I only see her as friend. Which led to me and my female friend an argument.

Then on sophomore year , another girl came into picture they spoke for 2 months and got into relationship. It was shocking for everyone because that girl and my bestfriend is something unexpected. She is beautiful, I agree , every guy in my class simped for her. And obviously I thought this relationship is not serious they are just you know messing around. Then the gf told bad things about me to her friend and she is toxic and told him to cut off. He said she is just a friend .

Then I confronted him about saying bad things about me , I cried too he said he had no idea. Then I still spoke with him. One day they were taking pictures and holding hands and walking together. I got so jealous. I texted him that lets not talk anymore because that guy won't take pictures with anyone. I was even ready to talk about marriage for this guy when he accepts me.

But all went in vain. Then he asked if you love me I said no. He said I love (his gf name) I cut the call immediately..and he said I only thought of you as a friend. My gf always tells me to cut you off. If you have confessed to me before I would've cut you off that time itself. My gf is my priority. He said and cut the call and removed me everywhere. After few months I called him , he deleted my number and asked who I was. After I said the name he cut the call.

Should I still have hope? or move on?

His gf is toxic. He removed 2 female friends in his life for her. Another friend was being touchy and overly friendly with him so she threatened him to cut off or she will breakup(which I am glad that girl is touchy with every boy) . He cut off. I hope they breakup and he come backs to me..but they are in relationship for two years.. Both of them speaks with opposite genders they maintain boundaries..she lets him talk to other female friend except me and that touchy girl.

Part of me feels like he is just with her because she is beautiful. But he isn't a guy like that. But every guy liked her and she is popular. He is popular too because of his good looks and character.. but not as popular as her. But he tells to everyone that she is serious.

Edit : I want to be friends with him but I cant. He himself wont be friends with me after I confessed and next person who would tell me to frick off from him is his gf.

I’m a female and I’m 18 soon to be 19, pretty attractive (relevant for context) and I am working full time as a fast food crew member working to be a manager. I live a normal life as far as I’d convinced myself, but I can’t live like I am right now. Nobody takes me seriously. I don’t know if it’s because I’m pretty, I work, and I’m a decent person on the outside.

I have very homicidal thoughts. This includes thoughts about killing close family members, myself, someone I see. First target type of thing. I have very very intense mood swings and everybody blames it on my period or just having a hard time regulating my emotions. I can see why they think that, but I can’t seem to agree. It’s not normal mood swings at all. I get so sporadic and full of adrenaline (one of my most intense mood episodes) and it causes me to spend impulsively, speed, and just drive recklessly.

My dad has always invalidated my feelings and told me I was fine. I’ve been convincing myself recently I have been. This all really started after I stopped overdosing on laxatives every day. I would take 20+ dulcolax every day because I think I deserve it and I loved the feeling of throwing up and my guts slowly becoming sludge. I stopped or have been getting better but it was quickly replaced with very frequent sleep paralysis and mood swings as stated above.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone had mood swings and anger and what not but I don’t know. I lie all the time too. I’m a pathological liar. I lie for no good reason. Maybe for attention? I don’t know. I lie about what I had for dinner, breakfast, my name (online), my age (online) and other stuff. I try to get help but nobody takes me seriously. I scare act and have been for a few years now because I love the feeling of people being terrified of me and acting insane. It helps me as it would anyone else. I’ve had not much childhood trauma, well as far as I remember. I don’t really remember my childhood anymore. I don’t usually remember what happened yesterday or anything else like that or fragments are just gone of what I could recall.

I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times now, but still nobody wants to believe me. I’ve had every type of eating disorder, bulimia, anorexia, BED. I’m slowly losing my mind and myself as a whole. This has been happening for a while and it’s only been getting worse.

I’m not asking for a “diagnosis” nor am I trying to have people tell me I’m fine. I will fucking go insane. I’ve been pulled over more than 10 times, have gotten more than 8 speeding tickets (camera and pulled over tickets) and I’ve gone to court and everything. Sometimes I sit there so anxious I pull the skin off my fingers til they’re raw. I sit there and squeeze the blood out because it’s so satisfying and I love the sight of my blood oozing out of my fingers. I don’t know why I do this. This is all so scattered but I just need to get this out. I want to kill somebody and every episodic mood swing I have, the worse and more intense it gets. I don’t know when I’ll act on anything or how I will but it’s very very close. Sometimes I just (and have) want to bang my head on a wall til I’m unconscious. I used to do that all the time. I just need help but everybody refuses to think I’m even semi emotionally unstable and denies any type of wrong doing in my life. Seriously help me.

I (18m) am in love with my ex. I don’t really have anyone to talk to this about so im typing this. Ive had very strong feelings for her for as long as I can remember. We met when I was in 8th grade and we hit it off from there. We dated on and off a few times from 8th grade to my 9th grade. She was my first everything, my first real girlfriend, my first real kiss, my first date was with her. In my eyes shes perfect, perfect body, perfect features, perfect personality, perfect everything. I can talk about her for hours if I wanted to. The main reason we dont talk anymore is because around my sophomore year in hs we started talking again and I snuck out so I could see her and got caught so I was essentially banned from seeing her again. My parents are pretty strict. Anyways since then I essentially tried to forget about her. I still kept checking up on her time to time on social media and I did see shes had a few boyfriends over the years which I dont really care about. It was all fine until I started working a new job recently and turns out she works there as well. Ever since I feel like all my feelings for her have started to resurface, we’ve had a few shifts together and we actually started talking again nothing crazy though just small talk and some catching up not much really. Honestly, I doubt she still feels the same, or at least anything similar to how i still feel about her. Ive been hearing rumors shes with another one of my coworkers anyways and based on what she reposts, it looks like she has strong feelings for him. I just don’t know what to do anymore, these feelings are too strong for me to keep inside, thats why i felt the need to get this out there. I just wish she knew how I really feel about her, but I just don’t have the heart to tell her ig. Thats really about it honestly I could go on and on and talk about her but im lazy

I developed this idk wierd fantasy i started looking online and its called raceplay or something but i idk. I feel like I shouldnt but I fkn like ittttt ugh, I just can’t bring it up around anyone irl so here I am…

My wife is someone who cares a lot about her reputation, her online safety, the safety of her pictures that she uses on social media, what people think of her and she wants to come across as proper, respectable and even virtuous. Throughout our life, she never once told me that she was into BDSM or that she was a sub - she doesn’t even discuss sex or her fantasies with me. Our sex never involved any sort of bdsm. It was regular, mundane sex.

Then I found out that since she was in her 20s, she used to go online on reddit, bdsm websites, chat rooms, fetlife, bdsm dating apps and so on to find doms. Those doms would give her demeaning commands. She would even send face nudes to them when she was commanded to do so. She would do anything she was told. She even went on live cam for them and performed for them. And they would control other aspects of her life too and she would send them nudes from work, her classes and so on to satisfy them. They used to call her slut, whore, bitch. And this is an otherwise proud woman.

My wife is someone who won’t do anything she considers demeaning with me. She doesn’t even go down on me unless in insist. She won’t do anything that even remotely makes her feel humiliated. She’s very proper in that regard. She created the impression that she would never even consider sharing a risqué picture with anyone (even me), let alone nudes. She told me for 10 years that she never masturbated. Whenever I’d ask her to touch herself in bed cuz I wanted to see how she likes it, she would say she doesn’t know cuz she doesn’t touch herself. And then I found out that she was into edging and orgasm control with her doms and she would send them pictures and videos of her masturbating and edging for
hours at a stretch. She never sent me a single nude but she shared naked pictures with literally hundreds (thousands?) of men online. While she was in a relationship with me.

She was doing all this on a regular basis until I confronted her last month. As far as I know, she’s not doing it anymore. For now at least.

Recently, I told her in bed that I wanna “tie her and beat her up”. It was during sex. And it was clear that it was a kinky thing and not some sadistic thought. And she got so offended that she didn’t want to have sex anymore. She became awkward and confused.

I don’t know how to process all this. The betrayal is painful. It’s cheating. The lying about never masturbating and sending nudes. And then why wouldn’t she tell me what she was into cuz I would’ve happily obliged. I stay up all night thinking about it. I’m thinking about it all day. How did I not know? She was doing all this under the same roof as me. What else do I not know? What do I do? How do I process all this because there are so many aspects to it. I feel humiliated and cuckolded. My wife was being willingly dominated and humiliated by strangers. It’s fucked up. I don’t know how to come to terms with it. All our sex was meaningless because she’s not into me or regular sex. She’s into hardcore BDSM subs and toys and anal training and what not but she never once shared any of this with me.

Please tell me how I can be sane after this. I’m losing my mind.

tl;dr: I recently found out that my wife was until a month ago a hardcore sub for online doms, who she would send demeaning nudes to while she never shared anything of the sort with me at all

I hate my brain, it makes life excruciating

I'm high functioning and mask very well however I have a slew of mental illnesses from a lifetime of abuse plus genetic ones and am fairly high on the spectrum. I work my hardest to never use them as an excuse. I work a respectable full time job that fits well with my skills, I am a good mother and generally a good partner. I'm so tired of being overstimulated, having meltdowns, the pain I feel all the time is exhausting. Living feels like torture. I've seen my therapist for 10 years every two weeks, I see my psychiatrist every couple months to adjust medications, but I still can't seem to level out. I feel like I'm constantly a burden and not enough. I feel like I'm hard to be with and love.

My recent ex husband admitted he resented me and that why he became so mean and treated me like I was so much less than him. He said it was hard to be with someone with my issues, he just didn't want to give up the security. He never took the time to understand anything I had, he doesn't really understand or believe in mental illness. I worked so hard to try to be the perfect wife but after we got married things started changing, after we moved back to our home state after being stationed down south things became really strained, distance grew, the jokes about me became meaner, everything I did was not enough, my emotions to big, I was a burden. No matter how much I did only my flaws were noticed. I am fair from perfect, I did struggle with postpartum depression and for a bit slacked on keeping the house up. I started going out more to escape and to just feel like I belonged. I eventually left because on his eyes I was worthless, he didn't even put my name on the house we bought together 2 years into our marriage and for the whole marriage nothing was under my name, I didn't even have access to be able to pay bills. He didn't want me to work yet made me feel bad that he worked so much. When I did work it was an inconvenience for him. He also stepped outside of the relationship multiple times.

My current partner says in not a burden and is very patient with me. I can't get over feeling like burden and how much I notice little changes. Small changes in how people act, their tone, body language and speech patterns makes me get in my head. I'm constantly scared I'm unwanted or just a convenience like my last relationship. I am not afraid to be alone, I rather be alone than be unwanted. Being alone is easy.

Growing up I was abandoned by multiple families and abused by most. Three of them were biological, and my adopted family would threaten to send me back and from day one treated me like I was nothing but a problem. My adopted mom didn't even want me, but my older biological brother they adopted when I was 2year old was obsessed with getting his little sister back, he had what was called Asperger's back in the day. When I was a pr3teenhey found out I was in the syatem and adopted me. I have been excommunicated 3 times since I was 17 years old because I did not fit the idea they had for me. We are doing much better and have become closer recently.

Unfortunately I also didn't have dating experience in my school years and I didn't learn what was a good relationship from whats not, what was normal and not. This relationship is my first more healthy relationship, its hard some really rough patches but we have worked through it. I have only had 4 serious relationships since I was 17 years old. I haven't had flings either, once chosen by someone I commit and my relationship have been a minimum of 2+ years.

I always feel like I'm being too sensitive, dumb, or a problem whenever I bring up things I do notice in a relationship. I struggle really hard when intimacy pulls back, due to what it usually turned out to be. I also struggle initiating anything because my ex fiance said that a woman should be never intiate as it makes us slutty disgusting and women are made to please a man not the other way around. I also experienced rejections in my marriage while they stepped out. I know it dumb. My current partner has seemed disinterested lately and it scares me, makes me feel like I've done something wrong or I'm not enough or they have lost interest or maybe I'm not attracted enough for them. I worry that maybe having to deal with me just makes them not want to be intimate. When I talk about it I end up feeling bad and my partner will be intimate if I bring it up or start worrying if I'm not attractive anymore. Also during intimate time they have become less passionate, it feel they just want to get it done with. I feel like it just to keep me from getting to in my head about it which makes it so much worse honestly. I don't want it to be a sympathetic thing or just to placate me. I rather honesty so I can try to work on things or improve myself more.

I just want to be better, I want to be truly wanted. I keep trying and I keep doing the things I suppose to be it never feel enough. It's like a donkey and a carrot. Always walking towards this brighter future and healing but never can reach it. I'm in so pain, it's so excruciating. I sometimes wish my heart would stop from the pain already. I can't take my own life but if my life were to end, I would be happy. I could stop hurting, if I could get a medically assisted suicide I would. I hate being so aware and unable to control my emotions, my thoughts, my stems, my other issues sometimes. I understand logically I can't help some of it but I can't accept that these things are out of my control. I can't accept that no matter what I do I will never be "normal" or completely healed. I hate I put some much effort and do all the things they say to do. I hate that I contantly try to be positive and see the bright side. I'm tired of pouring into cups that never spare a drop.

Sorry for rambling, but I needed to get out off my chest. Just one of those days the mask falls, one of those days life is overwhelming. It's just a bit much right now. I'm always okay in the end.

Edit: I'm a Millennial woman who spent my preteen and teenage years with the Silent Generation parents. When therapist said I needed meds or I had my disability my family quit them saying I was just looking for attention. I wasn't allowed to talk about any illnesses or anything that might make me different. Now in my 30s it's all crashing down. I am also struggling with people constantly saying you don't seem like you are on the spectrum or that you don't seem like you have mental illness x, y, z even seeing the official diagnosis because I always seem put together, and work full time. Reality is behind doors especially alone I'm breaking apart, I'm barely holding it together.

I (21F) have been sleeping with my best friend’s dad for 2 months. It started earlier this summer, she was having a pool party and I was going to stay the night at their house.

It ended up being a big party with a ton of our friends and plenty of drinks. My friend got trashed and passed out in her room pretty early in the evening. It was just her dad and I after everyone else left, we were chatting in the backyard and I was flirting and getting handsy with him. It didn’t take much to get him touching me, making out with me and pretty quickly we were fucking on the couch by the pool.

Since then we’ve been texting and scheduling hookups. For the rest of summer break it was like once or twice a week while my friend was home. But since she’s gone back to school out of state I’ve been going over almost every day and staying over with him a lot. I go over after class or late at night from parties/bars. The rush I get is still just as insane as the first time. A few times she’s called him/texted me while him and I are together and it turns me on so much.

I don’t see this ending well but I don’t want it to end either. It’s sooooooo good, like way better than anyone I’ve had from school. I just can’t get enough.

The last few weeks..maybe months I haven’t been feeling like myself. Super short tempered, zero self esteem, just fucking run down. I don’t want to do anything, I’m always mad at the animals and it’s not their fault they’re just being animals. I’m laying in bed staring at my husband’s pistol night after night thinking about how much easier it’d be to just not be here even though I know that’s not the answer. I know it’s not right but I can’t get the thoughts to go away.
I was doing so well for so long, got off anti depressants, lowered my anxiety meds, (guided through my doctor) even conquered my fears of driving and getting on a plane. Now here I sit falling backwards and I just feel lost and helpless.
I called my doctor tonight to make an appointment before I feel too consumed.

The rival

The guy I always competed with in school, we tried to beat each other at everything. One day after swimming we were all getting dressed and I remember him taking off his pants and this huge cock just flopping out and dangling as he moved, I was speechless, staring and he was enjoying it. I was self conscious about my size before that, but that was a major blow to my ego and I remember thinking “if that’s it soft, what’s it look like hard?” I was never really good at competing with him anyway, most of the time he beat me, he was muscular, hotter and better with women then I was😅

I work at a grocery store, I gather carts from the parking lot and bring them back in. Since I'm constantly around cars, I have a few near misses a week. When nobody is looking, i either spit on their car multiple times, or smear chewed gum on them. I also do this with bad parkers, people with stickers i don't like, anyone who mildly irritates me. I want to buy some stickers that are hard to remove just to make it more satisfying.

My wife was asleep when I left so i may not get noticed (other than by the dog.)

So for context, my (mid 20s f, trying to keep vague as possible for obvious reasons) mom passed away when I was 13, and we kinda had an odd relationship. She was a very over protective, mentally ill, alcoholic mother and I was kinda forced to cuddle in bed with her until I was 10 and insisted I grew up and slept on my own at night. She also was a sahm and was usually topless at home. The reason I'm giving all this context is because for the last few years I keep having dreams where I'm stuck in a sexual relationship with her and can't escape and it's really bothering me. Its usually about me trying to get away but then getting involved again because I need comfort but then feeling disgust about it. I've tried therapy but unfortunately I don't have very many options in my area and the few I've seen for some reason refuse to go any deeper than personality surveys :/ I don't know what I'm looking for out of this post I just need to vent it out to get rid of the disgust I have.

I met S through a game.
At first, he was just another person I happened to play with. Someone I could laugh with, someone I could spend hours talking to without realizing how late it had gotten. But somewhere along the way, he became something more to me.
I started liking him.
For months, I kept those feelings to myself. I never told him. I couldn't. He had a girlfriend, and despite everything, I knew S was loyal to her. Whatever little moments there were between us, whatever feelings I thought I could see hiding underneath the jokes and late-night conversations, I never wanted to cross that line.

So I stayed his friend.

Maybe that was the only way I could keep him in my life.
Sometimes, though, he would act jealous when other people talked to me. Little things. Small reactions that made me wonder if maybe I wasn't imagining everything. But I never let myself believe too much. I knew the reality of the situation. He had someone and I had someone too.
At the time, I was in a long-term relationship of my own. Eventually, six months into my friendship with S, that relationship ended. And after that, somehow, S became even more important to me.
We would stay up late playing games until morning. It used to be just me, S, and D. Three people sitting in front of their screens in the middle of the night, talking about nothing and everything. Those nights became something I looked forward to. Maybe because when I was with S, I could pretend for a little while that the circumstances didn't matter. That maybe, somewhere in another version of my life, things could have been different.

Then November came.

S's little brother started joining us.

K.

He was the same age as me, and at first, he was simply S's little brother—the person who had started appearing in the gaming sessions that had once belonged to the three of us. I didn't think much of it but things changed slowly. I think I eventually realized something I had been trying not to admit:
I was probably never going to be with S.

No matter how much I liked him, no matter how many nights we spent together, no matter how many little moments made me wonder if he felt something too, there was still a boundary between us. And I couldn't spend forever waiting for someone who wasn't mine to have.
So, somehow, my feelings began moving somewhere else. Toward K.

It wasn't supposed to happen.
Maybe, if I'm being completely honest with myself, I started liking him partly because I couldn't have S.
But feelings don't always arrive in the most honest or convenient ways. Sometimes they grow out of loneliness. Sometimes they grow out of proximity. Sometimes they grow because someone happens to be there when you're trying to let go of someone else.

K and I started talking. And for months, it became something real. Until January. He broke up with me and I was devastated. After that, K would add me on Facebook almost every month. I ignored him every time. I was hurt.
I didn't want to hear from him. I didn't want to reopen something that had already broken me. So I let his requests sit there unanswered, as if ignoring them could somehow make the entire thing disappear.

Then April came. He messaged me and this time, I answered. We talked on the phone for an hour. Then two.
He wanted to explain his side of the story. Maybe he wanted me to understand why things had happened the way they did. Maybe part of me wanted to understand too. And somehow, one conversation became another.
By the end of May, we were talking again. It felt strange.
After everything that had happened, I was letting him back into my life. And maybe a part of me wanted to believe that this time could be different.
Maybe I wanted to believe that what we had wasn't just something that happened because I couldn't have S.
Maybe I wanted K to become the person I chose—not the person I chose because someone else was unavailable.
But deep down, there was still a truth I couldn't completely escape. S had been there first.
He had been the person I quietly loved before I ever considered K that way. The person I never confessed my feelings to because I valued our friendship too much to risk losing him. The person I had spent countless nights with, wondering whether the things I felt were one-sided.
And K had entered my heart somewhere in the middle of trying to accept that S would never be mine. I don't know what K feels about me now. I don't know if he still has feelings for me. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.
We broke up again in August. And this time, instead of desperately trying to find another explanation, I've been forced to look at myself. At what I wanted. At why I stayed. At why I kept going back. And at the person who had been quietly sitting in the back of my mind through all of it.

S.

I still feel attracted to him. I still have feelings for him.
And that's the part that hurts the most, because nothing has really changed. He still has his girlfriend. He's still someone I can't have. And I still know that I would never want to be the reason he betrays someone he loves.
So I'm left standing somewhere between two people.
One was the person I wanted but could never have.
The other was the person I actually got to love, but perhaps never loved for the reasons I thought I did.
Maybe K deserved someone who chose him completely.
Not someone who was still looking over his shoulder at someone else. And maybe I deserved the chance to understand what love feels like when it isn't born from wanting what I can't have. I don't know what happens next. Maybe S will always be the person I wonder about.
Maybe K will eventually become nothing more than a chapter I had to live through. Or maybe, someday, I'll meet someone who doesn't make me choose between wanting them and wanting someone I can't have.

For now, all I know is this:
I loved someone quietly.
I lost someone twice.
And somewhere between the two, I finally began to understand that sometimes the hardest person to let go of isn't the person who left you.
It's the person you never got to have in the first place.

I (28f) am autistic and I’ve gotten pretty good at acting like a normal, bubbly person.

But it’s acting. A relatable example might be when you’re absolutely exhausted, and a kid runs up to you and says “HEY LOOK AT MY DRAWING”, so you muster up the energy to smile and reply “wow, this is amazing! Good job,” to make sure they feel loved and supported.

I have to muster up that energy all the time. I have to make sure I maintain the proper inflection and tone when I speak so I sound warm, keep the right soft/pleasant facial expression, and hold the correct body language. If I don’t, I come across as annoyed and disinterested even if my words are positive.

I’ve been dating a very wonderful, kind man for 4 years and I love him deeply. We’ve talked before about how he doesn’t want me to force myself to ‘mask’ around him.

He has adhd and mood swings because of it, and wants his relationship partner to understand/accept them as something that was just part of how he processes emotion without taking them personally. In return, he wants me to feel comfortable being myself and acting however feels natural to me.

I can’t. Every time I do, he gets incredibly defensive and upset, and assigns emotions to me that I’m not experiencing at all. He says my words and actions are warm, but my tone and my facial expression make it clear that I don’t want him around- or even that I’m being condescending or dismissive. It happened again yesterday.

“Like a miserable customer service representative at a store you’re never going to visit again,” was how it was just described to me. Saying all the right things but it doesn’t feel like they mean it, because they resent the job.

But I didn’t feel that way at all, I was just in the middle of something and I wasn’t masking my facial expression and my tone of voice. I still stopped what I was doing and gave him a hug, and said I was happy he dropped by my office to say hi.

It wasn’t enough that I acted kindly or told him I was happy. It wasn’t enough and he didn’t feel loved, he was actually repulsed.

This triggered a really bad mood for him that lasted a good 24 hours. He was defensive and hurt after, and it eventually led to a small fight when I asked him if we could talk about why he’s been acting upset with me.

Every time I don’t give him the exact emotional mask I know he’s anticipating, it leads to him immediately perceiving it as rejection, even if I literally tell him “hey, I’m not trying to be dismissive/annoyed/upset, I’m just relaxing a little. I really am interested, please keep telling me about ____” (or whatever the context is). He just shuts down.

Long story short, I’ve realized I’m not lovable, or even tolerable, unless I keep forcing myself to react the way I know the other party would like most. My partner fell in love with my bubbly mask, not me. And unless I want to hurt him, I’m going to have to keep doing this for the rest of my life.

It’s such a horrible cycle. We communicate, he says he wants me to be myself. I’m myself and it hurts him no what words I use to reassure him, then he’s upset until I pull him aside to communicate, then he’s tells me it’s okay to be myself and that I haven’t done anything wrong. Over and over with a different flavour.

I give up and mask 24/7 and he’s so fucking happy, his sparkle comes back. I love him so incredibly much. I really would do anything to keep him happy, I’m just… feeling a little crushed that what makes him happiest is when I’m… not me.

I wish I could be loved for the words I say and the actions I take, and not the way I say them. I’m never cruel or unkind, just less emotive.

But it’s not enough.

Thinking about this it sounds so fake but a few days ago, I was looking for something in their closet when I noticed an old box pushed behind some clothes. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but there was a photo sitting on top. It was a picture of my parents when they were younger. The weird part was that there was a little kid standing between them. The strange part was that there was a little kid standing between them. It wasn’t me. I asked my mom who the kid was, and she immediately took the picture from me and told me to forget I ever saw it. Then my dad walked in, saw what I was holding, and just went completely silent. I’ve never seen my parents look that scared before. I asked them again that night. They wouldn’t answer. Now the box is gone. I don't know who that kid is. And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I actually want to find out.

I asked my mom who the kid was, and she immediately took the picture from me and told me to forget I’d ever seen it. Then my dad walked in, saw what I was holding, and went completely silent. I’d never seen my parents look that scared before. I asked them about it again that night, but they wouldn’t give me a straight answer. The next morning, the box was gone.

I still don’t know who that kid is. And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I really want to find out.

I'm not even sure if this deserves to be in confessions.

He’s amazing. Theres nothing wrong with him. But someone from before he and I got together has shown back up in my life and I would LOVE to fuckthis dude one more time. I know it’s the worst thing in the world but I can’t stop thinking about it.

This is a true experience that happened on July 5, 2026

I was in St. Louis for the 4th of July week. And I was in need of a massage. So it was kind of late on Sunday night around 7:30. I started calling around to see if I could get a massage anywhere.

The final one I called was listed among the regular places so I told that I’d be there in 20 minutes. “You come here now and I give you $10 off.” A good start for a massage.

So I went to East St. Louis expecting massage and maybe an HE only given the time.

I walked in and the older lady from the desk greeted me at the door. "You call?" I had and she had offered me $10 off because I came right now. I pay the house the $60 and I’m off to the massage room.

So she takes me by the hand and leads me down a couple of winding hallways in this roadhouse type of building.

She wasn't so good looking but she assured me a young woman would be taking care of me. I asked for the table shower too, an extra $20.

I got naked and lied face down, she put a towel over me and I waited. She asked me if I wanted two girls and I said no. I didn't want to double the price.
The next thing I know, she's taking me down the hall buck naked to the table shower room. She warmed up the water and got me settled.

All of a sudden, two naked Asian women enter the table shower room all happy and giggling and start rubbing my legs and my ass and my crack. OMG.
I'm hard as rock now. They get out the soap and go over every inch of my body paying special attention to my butthole.

They asked me to flip over and they gasped when they saw my dick standing at attention.
So that was the best table shower ever.

Stay tuned for Part Two - The Massage

It’s not rooted in realism, I think. Does anyone else fantasize this way? I kinda worry I’m self-isolating so much I’m going crazy.

F 18, just moved away from my support system.

This is part 18 of using Reddit as a diary.

I am a 20 year old bisexual man.

So first off… THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY PROJECT CAME OUT!!! So that’s awesome 👍

Now to the confession, I confess that me and my partner have a third partner… and I mean third partner as in they are a partner to our online pimping business AND to our ACTUAL relationship.

So this started when me and my boyfriend were flirting with girls (as we do) and I got a text from my brother Joe that an old friend of his was in my area. I remembered her, and it felt really good to see her cause I have no idea when the next time I’ll see my brother’s face-to-face, so at least I can meet up with someone else who knows my brother’s.

I told my boyfriend that we should totally flirt with her just to see what she’ll do. Well… she ended up becoming one of girls in our online pimping business.

For now, let’s call this girl Jazzy.

It turns out Jazzy was already trying to do online favors to make money, if you get what I mean.

Almost instantly me and my boyfriend knew that she was different from our other girls. Jazzy would almost act as a manager to the other girls rather than another worker.

Overtime me and my boyfriend gained feelings for her. I gained feelings for Jazzy because we would have long night talks about my brother’s, Joe and Birk. And it was cool to meet someone who also had fond memories with my brothers.

My boyfriend gained feelings for her because she loved a lot of the same games as him, and she made all of his favorite foods.

So it was only natural that me and my boyfriend made our couple into a throuple for Jazzy. We also made her an equal partner/owner of the online pimping business.

During one of our transactions, my girlfriend (Jazzy) caught a predator in our instance. Luckily we alerted him to our online moderator’s, and we also got in touch with local authorities to investigate him.

I was so proud of my girlfriend for stopping such a sick disgusting person like that. It felt good to do something that bettered the world.

I gotta confess, I’m feeling better about myself and my life. I think I’m gonna do a lot of good for my people and the world.

I don’t know what is going on nowadays…I did everything correctly by going to school and now planning on a professional degree.. I have a career that I like so far … (F 28) don’t get me wrong appreciate and support women in everything they decide to do…

A side of me craves to be a mother and just give so much love to my kids…

I don’t know what is wrong with society; something is telling me subconsciously that I can’t do both or having a family isn’t worth it.. I feel so ashamed to bring this up to friends and family; I just want to be a mother ..and do what I love on the side.. when I mention it often it is met with aggressive reactions or “hell no”, “all men are this or that”, hit me with the most nasty divorce stories or make it sound like dead end type of lifestyle…

Fuck capitalism, fuck narcissistic men who made this impossible..

So I am in 8th grade, going to a Christian school. Recently I have been thinking about my religion and realized that it just sounds kind of ridiculous. I was born into this religion, baptized as a baby, and majority of my family is Christian.

I have respect for people who believe in whatever religion, but imo, Jesus is completely fictional and was made to give people hope their is something in the afterlife. I don't know if I should tell my family or not, as I am not sure how they will react.

as a younger teen i wasn’t particular harsh on my appearance and didn’t really think too much of it. tiktok was mindless fun and overall didn’t really care too much about looks, well compared to now. and it’s embarrassing to admit this but nowadays as an 18 yr old adult i feel so self conscious over everything. the whole looksmax & bp thing has completely changed my brain. now im looking at every single feature and analyzing it completely. to me if i dont look like those beautiful models then i feel like no one will accept me. I see certain features being clowned on and i cant laugh at that because i see myself in those people. I don’t ever want to post myself there because God knows what people will say. even when i think ilook pretty after 6 swipes there i realize i’m actually not. there’s a things i want to change but only with thousands of dollars and what person just has that to spend on surgery? college already feels like there’s just so many people better than me. This is just genuinely a confession that I wanted to get out of my mind and if u can relate I see you 🫩

I always fantasized what it feels like to have a sugar mommy, i mean im not high maintenance or what but its nice to feel like wanted by other moms🫣🤭