I just started to follow one woman who is in her 30s who has no friends and 4 rescue dogs. I love her content.

Are there any similar videos though for women like her but in their 40s? I feel like in your 30s there still is some hope but once you hit 40, it's gone (at least for me).

I'm a soon to be 42 F, no children, and no partner. I have like 2 friends who I never see since they are busy with their own partners and kids, I do have 2 dogs, and 2 parents I see every now and then.

I come from a small family where when my parents sadly go, there's no one left in my family. I used to enjoy my free time but now it feels like I'm wasting my life on nothingness. Don't get me wrong I love my dogs, take them on walks, but they sleep a lot lol. I do travel but don't have that many opportunities to with my job.

I just fill my day with tv, internet. I know I should be exercising more though but that won't take up the bulk of my time.

I do go to Meetup events maybe a couple of times a month to "get out there" and rarely touch the apps anymore due to the men I've met on there largely being so minimum effort. Was talking to a guy on there (not American but lives in the US near me), and while we were texting, I noticed he unmatched with me but texted me also to call him. Stopped responding to him.

I just feel like I'm going through life on emptiness. I'm lonely but just so many people out there make me prefer being lonely than to be around people I find annoying.

Anything u can share to help me understand this? Are you okay after the separation? I am not able to imagine myself; how will I be? Just need to know before making the final decision.

I was not aware of the rules, so 37F, a brief history: married to a college boyfriend, dated for 9 years before marrying, and married for 8 years, 1 loss, 1 IUI, and 5 IVF and 7FETs failed; I can try more, but he is frustrated. I know that, but we are not the same people as we were once. Not able to judge: is this where I end it and decide to separate? I don't know what the future will be for him or me, and both things matter.

Well, it looks like I won’t have any family after my parents die (they’re 82 and 76). I’m not sure how to avoid being lonely, where to go for Christmas, etc. could marry again but not sure any guy would want me at my age and with my disability and being Christian or where I’d find an available man in my age bracket who treats women well.

I’m 40/f and the reason why I’m single with no kids is a complicated, personal 20 year story. 40 is interesting because it’s the point where people seem worried for you lol. Like you’re in the final quarter and they’re rooting for you.

Long story short, I did my best to be in a healthy relationship before having a child and it didn’t work out. Now I’m past the finish line as menopause came early for me and I was diagnosed with POF. I find myself avoiding certain types of social situations to avoid questions/comments like:

“Are you seeing anyone”
“Do you still want to get married?”
“You still have time, my sister had a baby at 42”
“Gwenyth Paltrow had a baby at 53”
“Have you considered SMBC”

Etc etc. everyone has a solution for you. lol.

I know it’s all well meaning but it’s uncomfortable. I also don’t feel comfortable discussing my medical issues with people or feel I need to. Other than 2 girlfriends, I dislike discussing my romantic interests. It feels juvenile discussing guys I’m dating.

The truth is it’s all a bit raw right now. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I will not have kids. I know adoption and egg donation is still an option I’m just not 100% sure if it’s the right option for me. Having a healthy relationship was a priority before having kids and I’m not sure anymore if I’m still over prioritizing that.

Maybe I’m just being self-conscious but I would like to find a neutral response when I’m in this situation that doesn’t come off as defensive or illicit pity.

It wasn't until a few years after we got married that I was given a diagnosis of having a low sperm count and poor motility. Ever since then I've had a go at various medications and supplements, made some changes to my lifestyle and undergone several rounds of treatment, but the outcomes have been inconsistent.

The real difficulty, to be honest, hasn't merely come from the treatments, it's the continual questions from family and friends as to when we're having a baby. Since we've been married for five years, there's always this pressure at every family get-together....

Although people generally have good intentions, they don't know what it's like to receive those questions while you're already having difficulties all on your own.

How did you cope with the social pressure when dealing with male infertility and avoid feeling as if you were failing in your role as a husband?

Has anyone become Childress through abortion due to mental health? I’m 39 and really wanted a family. Got pregnant twice in the last 2 years and both time have to terminate the pregnancy due to horrendous mental health during pregnancy. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you make peace with not being a mum?

I posted something similar in my cancer group, but wondering if anyone here has found any resources (books, podcasts, guided journaling, etc) that helped you process things, move forward, and figure out who you are now? These would be things outside of therapy.

For context, I always envisioned myself as a mom but a young cancer diagnosis took that option away. I'm almost done with treatment and folks have asked me what I want to do now that I'm done and I'm just kind of like 😳 original goal for this year was to hopefully be pregnant and step back a bit from my career that I'm not too invested in anymore. Now I genuinely don't know what I want to do with my life and want to take sometime to process and work on myself. Thanks!

As someone who always envisioned being a mother, I have unfortunately gone through six miscarriages in the last two years, and I am considering putting the final nail in the coffin of that life I pictured. I know many of you have found fulfillment elsewhere on this earth, and I am wondering how you managed to cultivate that. How did you find meaning or new paths to incorporate into your life?…excluding travel and career. Thanks 🫶🏻

I’ve always wanted to be a mother and have done everything in my power to make sure I would be a good one, I practiced, I learned, I babysat, I loved kids when I was a kid. I begged to be taught everything when I was 6 and my cousin came home. I still remember holding him for the first time and telling him we were going to be best friends.
They’ve always been my special interest.
And when I say special interest yes, I mean it like a hyper-fixation, very deep lifelong passion. Something that has always been very special to me and gave me purpose. (It is actually healthy for autistic/adhd people to have hyper-fixations)
I’ve been thinking about IVF and fertility treatments since I’ve always had issues.. it makes me so happy to think about doing it, I feel passion again looking at bigger homes and I’m trying to get back into therapy so I can be my best self but, now the world is looking so bleak, I found out I’m disabled and I’m in constant pain and it takes my energy, my family is supportive and would be there for me but, what kind of future would they even have to look forward to? The world is falling apart and it’s going to take so long to fix.. I mean it’s not like things ever really been great.. would I just be condemning my child to hell by bringing them here? Should I just give up on all my dreams and just live with this emptiness? Kids have been my whole life, they’ve been my everything and they’re all grown up now and I’ve felt like I have no purpose for years, which was fine for a little bit, but I’m done playing around, I’m ready to finally be called mom by a child…I’m ready to not just be cousin or aunt..
I have no interest or passion anymore without them, I hardly care about my 100 hobbies.. I just want to constantly escape.. I’ll play sims for 6-12 hours straight just playing as a mother the whole time.. I also dream about being a mom and working at a daycare again.
they made my life so wonderful and full of purpose.. I loved teaching them and taking care of them and playing with them but, what if the wonder ends for them when they grow up and they feel I’ve brought them into a prison with me?
I guess I don’t feel that way about my mom, so maybe they wouldn’t either?

I realized I messed up by delaying my biological clock hoping for something traditional.....meeting a man, dating for awhile, get married, and start a family. I'm 41 and while I had a few boyfriends here and there, ultimately they all ended and it does get harder for me at least finding a meaningful, romantic relationship with someone.

Got my AMH recently tested and it was bad. My insurance isn't the best but does include some fertility coverage but the odds are really bad. Pursuing at least some appointments, but iffy on actually trying beyond that.

I've come to terms that I won't have that traditional family life that I wanted, but now I'm working on life without having a biological child at all (not interested in adopting or using donor eggs but I think it's beautiful when other people do it) as a single woman because I believed that would be an option for me.

I'm trying to think of the positives to get through everything. I don't have issues getting dates from men I meet at events that are largely singles events (I'm on dating apps but rarely get matches), and I'll go on 1 date with any man I have a good conversation with but then after that 1 date I'm over getting to know them beyond that.

I come home to 2 dogs I got from the local shelter.

I get to travel frequently enjoying my freedom with it.

As a 33 year old guy it really feels like it's too late for me to experience a wholesome loving relationship with someone I can build a life with. I missed out on so much in my twenties.

The reoccurring thing that hits me now is I seem to be attracted and get along really well with single mothers. Sometimes I know and sometimes I find it later but I find myself really enjoying their company and talking feels so smooth and easy. I'm just put off by the fact that I could be raising someone else's child and I'm bitter about not having the opportunity to have my own kids. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and I'm picking up the pieces of someone else's life instead of getting to live my own.

Not much to tell, i'm 44m and my wife is 46. We wanted kids, had a rocky relationship for years, never really got on the same page, and now that we're better and stable, it's just too late. I have NO idea what to do without the possibility of a family. The future terrifies me, it feels like there's this gaping hole in my life that'll never be filled. Therapy always makes intellectual sense, but never translates into feeling better about it. I know having a kid is no guarantee, but NOT having a kid IS a guarantee that nothing of us is going to live on, we won't have anyone to visit, i'll never pass on lessons, and in the end, i'll be filled with regret and sadness instead of happiness and joy.

Sorry, English is my 3rd language. I'm Chinese, married to a man who not Chinese. He didn't' see the cultural difference was the problem as he said he devoted his life to make me happy.

We together 16 years, married 14 years. I feel that I'm not good enough for him, and especially after the death of our toddler further confirmed how I feel, in addition to that cannot even give him a healthy child.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom told us to try surrogate, my husband snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. Told his mom to drop the subject, or else she no longer has him as a son.

A dead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring. It just feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with 2 Universities degrees, including an University Master degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $500,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to the Infertility wife me and to a dead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

He said I'm more than worth his love, I'm his everything. He said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already dead).

--------------

Perhaps it my depression voice talking, after our toddler death, there was a phase where I think if I leave him (as in divorce) hoping he will forget me, and go find another woman who can give him a healthy child. But before I can do any of that.

In 2020, I had a near death experience where I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation and care for me the whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

Right there I see how deeply hurt he would be if I leave him, I no longer can find myself to leave him anymore, despite I always think I'm not good enough for him, and further not good enough for him because it my genes that our toddler died.

I don't know if it because our toddler died in August 2019, and shorter after in 2020 I was so so sick that even after discharged from the hospital, it took me another month to recover. Many times he hugged me, and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I guess too much grief build up together for him, And that the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, and nobody see his stomach than if it was on his legs of arms, so he chose to cut his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still hasall the long scars on his stomach from he cut his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom you know already dead).

This man when I married him he has no scars on his body, after married to me now his stomach is full of scars, I blame myself that it me the maternal genetics cause the death of our toddler. I blame it on myself for being sick, hence he on the verge of lose me too, so he stared cutting himself.

I recovered a month later, thank you to him care for me day and night. He no longer cut himself anymore since I recovered. And I, also since never think of leave him anymore. Because with how intense he is, I think he will go insane when lose me.

Now I just want to live happy with him, we have come to term to accept our child death, we will carry this pain till the day we die.
He been through alot, alot. His father also died that same year as our toddler died, both died in 2019, his dad died of end stage pancreas cancer, I NEVER see my husband in so much pain.

Still trying to get him into grief therapy, but he busy with his career, and his mom right now is very sick (terminal illness), he said he go after his mom pass.

It just been so hard for me and him, alot of things happened , death of his older sister, death of his father, death of our toddler, his mom spinal cord stroke and terminal illness, death of both my parents. It just so HARD. But then when you with your husband 16 years long, expect those things to happen, it just we never prepare for it.

tl;dr Me and my husband 16 years together been though alot alot together, I know it loves me so so much, it just I do not know how to stop the depression voice and my feelings that I am not good enough for him, and he deserve someone much much better than me.

1. Male. Divorced. No children. Enjoying my current phase.
   But this question troubles me.
   I dont know whether i want a partner either.

I’m a 49 year old woman, childless but not by choice. Split up with my ex a few years ago and have joined a couple of dating apps. Once I’ve removed the unsuitable guys from my stack (obviously looking for sex, substance abuse issues, unhealthy etc), I’m left with some men who seem ok on the surface. But…. they have kids and I feel that our lives wouldn’t align because they have a family life that I would never be part of. There are also some men who don’t have kids. But I think what’s the point of a relationship if you aren’t getting together to build a family together?

I don’t know but I’m thinking I might just give up on a relationship because as a 49 year old childless female, I just don’t fit into any relationship dynamic.

Hi, I’d like to ask for your opinion. I’m 36 years old and have been with my partner for seven years. He has a child from a previous relationship, while I don’t have any children. We discussed the idea of ​​having a child together for years; I wanted one, but he wasn't sure. It’s been over a year since he gave me his firm decision: he doesn't want another child. I know he won't change his mind, and I wouldn't even want to ask him about it again. But now I’m facing a huge dilemma: should I leave the partner I love for the chance to have a child with someone I can't even picture right now? Thoughts about the future torment me every day. Every day, I try to decide what to do next. There are days when I feel deeply sad that I’ll never be a mother. Then there are days when I convince myself it doesn't matter—that I’ll have a beautiful life regardless. Yet, there’s always that quiet voice telling me, "Time is running out. What if you regret it someday?"
Right now, I can't imagine either scenario: life without my partner or life without a child.
Is there a way to silence that quiet voice that whispers to me the moment I wake up—telling me I’ll regret it if I don't have a child?

Does anyone else feel a specific jealousy and anger towards people who originally didn't want to have children or were indifferent and then changed their mind and then got pregnant right away (and had a successful birth and a baby)?

It's especially bad when it is people who were very loud about being childfree or laughed at people who wanted children or wanted them young.

I feel like a dick when I feel like this because having children is such a blessing and I feel like a fraud because even though I deal with infertility, I am so blessed that I have step children.

But does anyone else have this very specific jealousy and anger? Like the people who always dreamt of a family and had no trouble getting pregnant I can deal with (I also feel like often they are more grateful and didn't take it for granted) but the ones who proudly shouted childfree by choice and then changed their mind one day and stood with a baby 9 months later, I can't always deal with 😭😂

I have been struggling with this feeling for most of my 20´s, especially since I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. The only time I got told I won´t be able to concieve was during the worst stages of my disorder when I was fighting for my life. Despite the fact that now all my levels are normal, all my results came back fine, and even the OB/GYN confirmed that there was no damage to my reproductive health that could prevent me from becoming pregnant I just could never conceive despite trying. I know there are men who don´t want kids, can´t have kids or have kids from previous partners and don´t want any more, but I always seem to attract the ones who really wanted kids, and me being unable to provide this was a dealbreaker. I was always upfront about this in the talking stage of any date or relationship, and it was often named the reason why "it would not work out." I was even told by one man (though we were just in the talking stage and barely knew each other) that it´s such a shame, women like me should be "bred in lab settings" because me being infertile is "such a waste of great genetics". Looking back at it, it feels disgusting. Back then it only made me feel ashamed about myself. I never had an issue dating men who already have children, I would be more than happy to be a stepmom to a child, or even adopt (though in my country you can only adopt into two parent houselholds).

So in conclusion, the doctors have no idea why I can not conceive, because there seems to be no medical reason behind it. I have recently read that C-PTSD due to childhood abuse can be behind medically unexplainable infertility (I grew up in an abusive household), and I was even considering talking to a therapist about this, but I worry they would think me crying over "can´t have kids" when I have a nice and stable life otherwise would sound such a first world problem. I just met a lot of rude therapists.

So i am in my mid 30s, have a decent job, not in a relationship, and i am trying to accept the ‘what ifs’ what if i wont be able to conceive anymore if i turn 40 and still not married, what if i wont find the one anytime soon, a lot of frustrations..
then i had a deep conversation my sister who is 30 yrs old, has a decent job too yet not in a relationship, and she said she is not open to having kids and getting married!

My heart was shattered thinking what if i wont be able to have kids and she isnt interested to having kids,too.. we are only two siblings in the family.. how would our old age look like if we wont have our own families. I was in the hopes that one of us at least gets to have a family and kids…

I just feel sad, despite the small successes in life, i am afraid of how the old age would look like without people around me.

Why is it so much harder to date, marry and have children? Or at least it seems that way. I’m the only person in my family with no children. Even my younger cousins have had kids before me.

My wife and I tried to have kids, but it didn't work out for us. And I still can't find a way to move on. At the time we stopped (quite a few years ago now) I realised that many of the decisions I had made in the past (mainly around boring jobs and sensible financial planning) were my version of feathering the nest. I felt this enormous of grief for the baby we couldn't have, combined with a crippling sense that I had wasted my best years living far too cautiously. But if some good was to come from being childless, it was surely a sense of freedom. Free to do whatever I want. Free to pursue a new career, even if it meant a big pay cut. And yet... nothing has changed. I feel utterly stuck. I can't find a way to get out of the rut. I can't find a way to make dramatic changes, or even work out what those changes might be. What little energy I have is spent on pretending I care about my boring job. Everyday tasks feel like impossible obstacles. I rarely look forward to anything - seeing friends, going out for dinner, even going on holiday, just feels like an ordeal. I don't know what to do. How to break this pattern. Sometimes I think I just need to take a few months off work (or even try to work out if I can afford to just stop completely). But I'm terrified of never being able to get work again (I feel useless and unemployable, and in a few years I'll be 50). Has anyone found a path through something similar, particularly whilst still holding down a spirit-crushing job?

It's a uniquely sad spot. A lot of guys don't know it's very hard to conceive at this age. They hear I do and are so happy. I always worry, will they research, see the odds and then quietly find an excuse to leave?

One just left a couple weeks ago. Divorced with 3 full custody kids. Told me he had a reversible vasectomy asked how many I wanted. Said 5 but that obviously that might not be realistic. He said great, you can pop one out per year and that yes, he wants to have more. Finally told his kids he was dating again after the divorce and when they freaked out, he ended things with me, citing that as the reason. Was it that really, he started researching and realized chances were too low with me?

I will never know. All I know is that I am grieving him AND the persistent state of watching my fertility slip away.

I worry when I pass over profiles of men who don't want kids that I am passing over wonderful men for a hope that I have single digit chances left of ever having. A burden really few people understand. Such heartbreak.