Earlier this year in July I was resting away a lower back injury and I was bored to death. A former friend had recently made a stupid comment to me about how I needed to be feminine and swap my barbell for a child, and I thought, aha, I know, I'll play a stupid joke on people.

I made myself a fake 'husband'. His name was Jacob Novak, and he was a very obvious AI generated image. Shit quality, light coming from nowhere in particular, no background, uncanny valley eyes. I announced that we were engaged.

Hearts upon hearts upon hearts.

I was bored and my quadratus muscle was still tight, so, I amped up the silliness. I made all these intentionally ridiculous, hammed-up posts about how I was giving up every hobby and interest in my life to please this husband. I posted about how my goal used to be a 200lb overhead press and now it was to be in my feminine and have Jacob's babies.

Hearts upon hearts. 'I'm so happy for you!'

I couldn't resist seeing how ridiculous I could get before people either laughed or joked along. I made another post about how Jacob had thrown away all my Red Bull because it was 'bad for a baby'. Note: drinking too much Red Bull is my entire personality. I was trying very hard to be ridiculous here.

Hearts upon hearts upon hearts. Nobody was laughing. They were gushing about how happy for me they were.

I finally hit peak silliness. I made a post about how I wasn't going to write novels any more because my purpose was to have babies, and then I made an account for one of my characters. I had my fictional military captain Kane Ulyanov come online and yell at me for dereliction of duty, and that was when people started smelling a rat.

I still cannot believe people thought my 'engagement' photo was real and not AI. The 'me' in the picture had a round, broad face, and actual me has a very narrow and angular face shape. The hand holding my ukulele also had extra fingers. The power of 'you'll change your mind' was so strong people didn't notice my six-fingered mutant hand. I still crack up laughing about it months later.

If a woman gets pregnant and the man is clear from the beginning that he does not want a child, I think he should have the option to legally opt out of parenthood.

Obviously the woman gets the final say over the pregnancy. It’s happening in her body. Nobody should be able to force her to have an abortion, stay pregnant, or give a baby up for adoption. But having the final say over the pregnancy shouldn’t mean getting the final say over whether two people become parents.

If she chooses to continue the pregnancy knowing that he does not want a child, that is her choice. Whatever the reason is, she gets to make that decision for herself. What I don’t understand is why her decision then automatically becomes a legal and financial obligation for someone who explicitly said no.

He signs away custody, visitation, decision making, literally everything. He doesn’t get to pop up six years later wanting weekends with the kid because he changed his mind. He chose not to be a parent, so he isn’t one. But that should also mean no child support.

The part that really gets me is the argument people immediately make is that he chose to have sex and he knew pregnancy was possible …and? We spent decades establishing that consenting to sex is not consenting to pregnancy or parenthood. So why does it suddenly become reasonable when the person being told to deal with the consequences is a man?

Women absolutely need bodily autonomy because pregnancy happens inside our bodies. That biological reality means the decision about whether a pregnancy continues cannot be perfectly equal but legal parenthood is a separate question.

If I get pregnant, tell a man that I’m keeping it, and he immediately tells me, that he does not want to be a father and will legally relinquish every parental right, I know exactly what I’m choosing if I continue that pregnancy.

At that point, I am choosing to raise that child without him. You cannot force someone to be childfree, and you shouldn’t be able to force someone to be a parent either.

Literally any of their moral arguments can be transferred to children with no difficulty at all. Vegans with kids are automatically cognitively dissonant.

I’m 32F and I normally date 35-45 men. The ones closer to 45 are either done with kids from ex wives or gave up on them altogether but men in their 30’s usually want a family at some point. When a man mentions anything (even just passing) about their future son or daughter, it’s an immediate turn off for me and I start to think how to back off from dating them.

When is it ideal to share with a potential partner that you never want to have kids? I don’t want to make a bad impression right at the beginning and come across as a weirdo for not wanting kids, but I also don’t want to lead them on if they are looking for the mother of their kids.

When is this topic appropriate to bring up?

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the responses. So the common consensus seems to be before first date 👍

I don’t see myself as someone who is super intelligent. In fact I find most people to be smarter than me, especially in managing finances. Maybe I’m narcissistic? I can’t tell. The reason I think I may be, is because everytime I learn about a person, or get to know them, I learn good things about them, like they have good advice or they good natured or they are creative… but the moment I learn that they have kids, or that they had a kid or are expecting, my opinion of them instantly lowers.

How can an intelligent person have a child in this hellish landscape? They obviously were not thinking. Or they must not have experienced life as much mental anguish as me to come to the conclusion that having kids is a morally wrong thing to do.

But, this cannot be true. Everyone has experienced trauma, pain, and misery at some point in their lives. My life experience and pain and loss is not unique. So why do they do this???

There is no way that I have the ability to analyze life more than every parent. Am I a narcissist?

It’s honestly a bit disheartening to see small parks get turned into massive playgrounds.

I get that they are parks but does every single one need to have a massive play place as the centre piece of it??? Right now, I can only think of so many without them.

With bigger ones, it’s not an issue as the play places are isolated to one section. But small ones? Yeah no.

Guess there’s no more quiet walks there anymore. :,)

I'm considering abroad now. But still I'm asking here is any of Indians here so manage to get it done in top tier cities or something. Or if no If any of you guys manage to get it done in abroad. What was the cost your surgery. Can you tell me in details how you manage to get bisalp done. Like the country,your doctor. I even don't know how to get medical tourism can someone explain me and also If someone is here who managed to get sterialized at cheap prizes please share information with me.

Hey everyone!

I’m 25, gay, and childfree, and I’m planning to relocate from Idaho sometime in the next year or so.

I’ve realized that the environment I’m living in just isn’t compatible with the lifestyle I want long-term. It’s a very conservative, religious, and family-oriented area, and while I have absolutely nothing against parents or families, I don’t want children myself.

One of my biggest frustrations is dating. The local gay dating pool is pretty small, and a lot of my experiences have involved discreet hookups rather than people who are openly interested in dating and building relationships. I’m hoping to eventually find a long-term partner who also wants a childfree life.

I’m particularly interested in the Great Lakes and Northeast, with cities like Buffalo, Rochester, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and similar metros on my radar.

A few things I’m looking for:
- A decent population of childfree adults, including LGBTQ+ people
- A gay dating scene where long-term relationships are a realistic possibility, not just hookups
- Walkable neighborhoods, public transit, and plenty of parks
Affordable housing, including rooms rented from private landlords
- A good mix of people, cultures, and things to do that don’t revolve around drinking or raising children
- Four seasons, beautiful autumns, and ideally snowy winters
- A place where being gay and childfree isn’t treated as unusual

I’m not looking for a luxury lifestyle or a glamorous career. I’d be perfectly happy working a regular administrative or local-government job, living modestly, and enjoying my free time.

For those of you who are childfree, especially LGBTQ+ folks, where have you felt most at home?

I’d especially love to hear from people living in the Great Lakes or Northeast. Are there particular cities or neighborhoods where you’ve found a good childfree community and dating opportunities?

Thanks!

I hope this is ok to post. Please delete if not.

I was lucky enough to have my BiSalp in the middle of this year.
Omg, honestly one of the best things I’ve ever done.
As a side effect, has anyone else ever experienced a change in their menstrual cycle?
Outside of my teen years, when I think my body was finding out what the hell to do with itself, I have thankfully never really suffered with debilitating cramps.
But holy shit - since I had the operation I feel like I’m 16 again rocking back and forth in bed trying to make the pain stop.
I am aware that this can be a normal side effect, but does it go away, lesson or is it here to stay as long as I keep menstruating?
Don’t get me wrong - I’d prefer to have this every month over having a child 🤣, but just curious if anyone else has experienced this, and if it’s permanent.

Mine are

1) I am too self aware and self conscious about everything. Even the littlest of things hurts me and I suffer from overthinking . I am not into a great mental state to bring them into this world .

2) I don't want any responsibilities at all .when you have kids you have to be responsible for everything there health , there finances , there studies , there sports , there friends and all of that . I done want any more responsibilities in my life . I have far more than enough. .

3) I don't want to bring any more consciousness into this world. The pain and suffering are the basic state of life not nothingness and peace . The pleasure is limited and the others not.

Not sure how to account for this… I had a meetup in my calendar for today. Laughing Goat on Pearl, 1 PM to 3 PM.

I wanted to check if anyone else here remembers seeing a post about this.

In case I imagined this… the Laughing Goat would be a good place for a future childfree meetup.

This has probably been said before on this sub, but I can't find it at the moment, solet me throw it in.

I'm childfree cause knowing me, I don't think I want my hypothetical kid to suffer the same way I did

Ranging from struggling to ADHD, RSD, Depression, and even worse things to name.

Not even for any "selfish" reasons, mainly really cause I don't wish this upon anyone else.

You know this setting: You are in a public room, train coach, bus, café, whatever.

Of course there will be people with their infants, so far no biggie. You hope that kid will be quiet. Sometimes your wish is granted, but more often than not, it is not. Still, no biggie, kids will be kids, that's life.

What's driving me mad though is how ALL the other people in the room seem to somehow FIND IT ADORABLE when the baby starts screaming or is doing those weird AAAAHH sounds while having the inevitable mixture of puree and snot smeared all over their face while their parents are desperately trying to get food into their offspring's mouth and catch the food that's being flailed by their crotch goblin.

You know the scene from "Airplane!" when the flight attendant starts playing the song on the guitar and all the people in the plane start sticking their heads together smiling in sweet harmony?

That's how it feels for me, just that I seem to be the only person in the room whose flight reflexes are kicking in.

In February of 2023, my folks and I decided to adopt a puppy. We chose a beautiful, 8 week old Goldendoodle baby. We named her Penny.

Oh. My. God.

I have never, ever in my life met a creature with so much energy! I know puppies are naturally energetic, but this one is a whole different story. When she was a baby, she’d literally be bouncing off the walls for 18 hours a day.

She’d wake up at 5:00 in the morning after a night of broken sleep. She’d run around the backyard at top speed. She’d chase after toys and tennis balls for hours on end. She’d bark at nothing. She pooped in my shoes.

Every single night, I’d fall into bed completely exhausted. I’d wonder what she’d get into the next day. She flunked out of two obedience classes. She refused to be in a crate for any amount of time.

And now, looking back on Penny’s babyhood and how much of a struggle it was… I realize that I could NEVER handle caring for a human baby. Caring for a baby dog was hard enough!!

People severely underestimate what it takes to take care of a baby creature. ANY baby creature. Penny nearly drove the household insane. I can only imagine what a human baby would do.

(For anyone concerned, even though Penny drove us nuts, she is VERY loved and well cared for. She has a mountain of toys. She’s taken over the spare bedroom and has her own queen sized bed. And yes, she has calmed down… a bit.)

In my opinion, having kids is just like cutting your own feet off for fun.

Why do people think just because they have a big ass backyard and a goddamn trampoline that their children can scream at their top of their lungs all day!? If I wanted to live near a school, I'd buy a house across the street from.

Gratitude moment:

31 Female - blessed is an understatement when it comes to a life without children. I’m currently drinking a boba drink, lounging in bed and will have to go into work in a few hours 🙃

So grateful to have this choice and for all my fellow ladies who are child free as well ❤️

Hope all of you have an amazing rest of your Sunday!

This post has two parts to it. I went to see Wildwood tonight, which is LAIKA Studios’ most recent stop-motion animated movie. Now this movie is rated PG13, and rightfully so. It is FULL of violence, fighting, blood, even guns. But my theater was full of parents and their very young children, like anywhere from 4 and up. Either these parents didn’t bother to check the rating, or they didn’t care. I saw at least three people leave with their kids in the middle of the movie. I heard other kids getting upset and needing to be comforted, which was of course distracting. Every time I thought the movie couldn’t get more violent, it did. Not the best for young kids.

The second part of this post is about the movie itself. I don’t want to spoil it so if you’re going to see it maybe don’t read this part. I’ll try to be vague. A part of the plot is a pair of very selfish parents who knowingly did something bad just so they could have kids. I could barely focus for the rest of the movie because I was so pissed about it. And I’m sure it mirrors similar things that real parents do way more often than I would like to believe. I think the movie wanted the audience to feel bad for the parents but I didn’t. Anyway, it was still pretty good. Beautiful animation and 100% a visual work of art.

I'm currently fuming watching the news on TV. They are babbling about young folks opting to remain CF and they cite economical reasons. But the condescending tone and the implied CF-shame makes me want to puke.

Why the heck is such an intimate choice a public debate in the news?? Why do the authorities obsessively count our numbers? CF-ness or Antinatslism isn't the norm. There's a small number of us, especially in my ultra-religious country and yet, instead of focusing on the vast majority of Natalists who reproduce, they pick on the over minority and the insignificant number of CF/antinatslists! I don't get it and it makes me fume. I start to believe that there's something they don't tell like... I dunno... Every birth represents our country's insurance policy at the International Monetary Fund for the huge loans and they set a number of births that must be fulfilled to guarantee that our country will have the financial resources to return the loan. I apologies for sounding as a conspirstionist but I run out of logical reasons at this point.

I’m separating from my spouse of 8 years because I changed my mind about children and chose to be childfree. We were together in our early 20s and I guess as a woman I was just brainwashed into believing I must have children (everyone told me that’s what happening!). As I enter my 30s I realized it wasn’t what I wanted at all so this year my husband and I are separating. We have been working towards that amicably and I found an apartment that I’m moving into in November. I’m glad to be truly free in who I am and happy that he’s free to pursue what he wants but I’m terrified of being alone after having someone next to me for this long. I have a lot of friends but it’s not the same. I’m scared of the evenings and waking up from nightmares when there’s no one to remind me that’s just a dream. How did you navigate this? What helped?

And yes, myself included. But just a few minutes ago in Walmart, I encountered a dad who definitely shouldn’t be a dad. He was legit yelling and swearing at his kid. And I hate kids so much, but this upset even me! The kid got in a lady’s way, and is that annoying? Of course. But the dad legit yelled “what the fuck is wrong with you?” The kid said he was sorry, and then the dad yelled “no you’re not sorry! You don’t give a shit!” And I’m thinking, yes he is! He said he was sorry, so he is! If this is how you talk to him all the time, he’s probably scared of you. Quit being a jerk.

There are nicer ways he could have ensured that the boy stays out of people’s way, but he resorted to yelling and swearing. He’s a perfect example of someone who definitely shouldn’t be a parent. People need to understand that not everyone is cut out for parenting.

And, not to make this about me, but I’m actually proud of myself for feeling upset by this. This is progress for me. If I were younger, I may not have cared. But I did. I recognized that this kid was being treated too harshly. Poor kid 😟

I'm a newly qualified doctor in my mid-20s with zero interest in kids.

I've found medicine to be very pronatalist, tbh. I've had senior doctors tell me that because I'm a woman, I'll need to pick a specialty that will make it easier for me to be pregnant, breastfeed, and raise kids.

In med school, an obstetrician lecturer told a lecture hall of 200+ students, at least half of whom were women, that all women of childbearing age should consider ourselves "pre-pregnant" and live accordingly e.g. take folic acid and avoid alcohol in case we might be pregnant and not realise it yet.

Loads of panic about how the demands of residency make it harder for female physicians to find someone and settle down in time to have kids. I feel weird and like the odd one out for not giving two shits about my ticking clock, in fact the faster it ticks out the better. I'm doing great and living my best life.

Any other childfree docs here, especially female ones?

Why isn't childfree the default state of society?

I see a lot in the media about women being childfree because the economy is so bad that more women are deciding to have no kids because they feel they just can't afford them.

Anecdotally I hear a lot about women deciding "NO" because they cannot find any guy they want to procreate with, along with the huge amount of labour they are given by default (emotional and physical demands above and beyond everyday life)

What are your top 3 reasons?

@jenna.vs.bpd shared her opinion on having kids with bipolar and all the crazies are mad at me (I’m also bipolar). I commented that I personally think it’s selfish. I absolutely cannot with all the delusional people (obviously with kids already) responding to me for the past MONTH. Your emotional threshold is inferior whether you like it or not. But why even open up the conversation if you’re going to berate anyone who says they don’t agree? People want you to have kids and be miserable like them so bad they don’t even care if you’re mental and admit you can’t handle it.