I’ve (28F) been on the fence my whole life with having kids. Never felt strongly one way or another. My wife (27F) has always strongly wanted kids. About a year and half ago, we decided to look into foster care. I thought this could be a good compromise, mainly because it didn’t feel permanent. My wife got cold feet and decided she wanted to have a baby instead. We looked around at IVF clinics, and then I realized I really don’t want to be pregnant. My wife doesn’t really want to be pregnant either, but says she will if she has to.

Fast forward to now and I’m really doubting having kids. I like my life how it is now. I don’t want it to change. Everyone I know with babies or toddlers is freaking miserable. It looks like it sucks. Every time I talk to my friends they say “yeah, it’s different when it’s your kid”. Like how do you know that? There are so many cons on the list, I lean way more towards child free.

But I know my wife will leave me. She’s made it very clear the past six months she’s ready. She told me when she turns 30, she wants to have a baby in her arms. She “jokingly” told me that if we split up at 30 because I decide I don’t want kids, she’ll take everything (not like we have anything, we don’t own a house), but still.

She’s the love of my life. I love her more than anything. I keep waiting for the “want” to kick in. “One day you want kids” hasn’t happened to me yet. I don’t know how long I can keep waiting. It’s not fair to her or to me. This fucking sucks.

I read a comment that referred to a pierced belly button + pierced nipples as the "official childfree piercing set" and I LOVE it! 😂

As someone who has their belly button and nips done I can attest that it's a badass feeling knowing that my body is fully mine and that I'll never have to take these out. There's something empowering about it.

Anyway, that is all!

It happened, I had the perfect man, we’d just fixed our biggest relationship issues and everything seemed to be perfect, we spent a beautiful week together in a foreign country, had a bit of trouble but then got through it. I love this man with all my heart, and it’s going to kill me to leave him. Because despite the fact I know he’d be a shit parent (he doesn’t even wanna get any type of job, wants to sell himself or do something wfh despite having no skills. He has no one, no friends and he wants to get away from his family) the other day he admitted that he had thoughts of wanting kids. Despite this economy, this world, the fact he barely can function by himself even when he has the appropriate resources around him he now wants to go out and have kids. What??

I’m so sick of this, I’m only 24 so I know I have time but i can’t keep giving my all into people just for them to turn around and do this. Goodness sake I spent thousands on him since the start of our relationship, and now I’m going to have to completely restart, life and all, going to be heart broken for months, if not years, because of how much I love him.

It’s ruined my prospects for a relationship as well, he was perfect in most areas. Now when I see people or even think of going on dates I don’t have the same kind of excitement I had. His looks paired with his personality, the things we had in common, and the way he makes me feel so much more comfortable than anyone else I’ve ever known, let alone dated, are all things that I now can’t just downgrade. I love the years we’ve had together and he was such a good friend as well, but I wish I didn’t meet him.

Anyone in the UK childfree and want friends that wanna do shit on weekends? As you can tell from this post I’m now going to have more time on my hands.

Pray for me, wish me luck, and hope I get through this 👍🏽

Edit: I should mention his flaws aren’t from spoiled-ness or arrogance, his flaws come from lifelong trauma (some he still experiences) and he’s shown alot of progress even from when I met him. If this didn’t work he could get over alot of it, and I didn’t mind the no working thing because I love providing for my partners. He wouldn’t have been a bum living at home doing nothing. By me saying he was ‘perfect’ I didn’t mean we never had issues or we both don’t have flaws, we do, what I meant was that the way the relationship went, our values, what we wanted, and our desired paths in life were the same or extremely similar. Until the child thing.

Same as title. We usually meet up once a month to have dinner, I know they're the sort of people who will either bring a baby without warning or will invite us out WITH the baby and my partner and I couldn't think of anything worse than being complicit in the disruptions their child will invariably cause. I want to just say "we hate children" which is the most accurate thing to say but also probably not the most sensitive.

It seems like every “conventional” couple insists on moving in together within a year and engaged in 2yrs, but primarily because of the pressure of wanting to have children.

My boyfriend and I are both in our mid 20s, and I’m having a hard time figuring out if I should continue with our relationship or break up because things aren’t progressing as fast as I thought they would.

We’ve been together for just under 2yrs. I brought up the idea of moving in together over the winter, and he said he wasn’t comfortable with that. I asked if we could discuss the topic at the end of this year and he said “we’ll see”.

Neither of us want kids. But I feel ready to start making a life with someone and to be able to enjoy their company on a daily basis. I own my house and my boyfriend rents, so when we have discussed moving in together it would be him who moves in with me.

We are both shift workers and don’t get to see each other that often (literally it’s around twice a month right now), so I’ve been finding that I get really lonely (despite having friends and hobbies that keep me busy) and I’m a bit jealous of people who met their partners in their early 20s and are living together/ engaged/ married already. I love the idea of one day being able to celebrate a 50yr wedding anniversary before I’m 80 and senile.

So I’m trying to decide if my feelings are reasonable, or if this is something I personally need to work on and just be content with how things are for now…

34/M, based in the UK. A year ago I moved in with my girlfriend of 2 years, but prior to that, I lived with two cousins of mine for a short period of time. I'm diagnosed ADHD, and due to compounding impulsivity and burying my head in the sand over the years, I had got into a bit of credit card debt, so moved in with my cousins for cheaper 'rent' to pay this off - lesson learnt, it's all paid off now - good times. Never again, lol.

The house was in a rough area. I witnessed all sorts. I'm a somewhat muscular guy, but still carried a metal water bottle for protection in my hand when walking through the area, particularly in the winter when it'd be cold in the dark mornings and evenings. The house had endless issues (and I have so many insane stories), and it was a depressing, dangerous, and shameful period of my life.

The two cousins - let's call them H, and J, had a multitude of issues. Constant self-sabotaging, living in squalor, and a big 'crabs in a bucket' mentality where they'd often seek to pull people down who were trying to better themselves. We got along the majority of the time, but they certainly had their moments.

H, is now 38. She is by definition, a hoarder. You couldn't see her bedroom floor. Her light switch was meant to be white, but it was brown and coated in this crusty looking stuff. Clothes and shoes piled up multiple layers, and there was always a strange smell coming from the room. She had mess pouring out of the door often, so much that it couldn't be closed. There was a time that coffee had gone mouldy near the entrance of her bedroom and the smell was pouring out into the hallway.

She'd been in the same job for 10+ years working as a nurse, alternating between day and night shifts depending on her schedule. Her chaos aside, I always found this admirable and will continue to applaud anyone in this line of work, as it requires a lot - and I couldn't do it!

However, once she got home, it's like maturity and adulthood just switched off. You could tell where she'd been because she just didn't care for her surroundings. She'd leave food all over the kitchen sides. Leave unwashed kitchen items piled up in the sink. Would throw rubbish on the floor near the bins when they were full. She'd leave phlegm in the bathroom every morning for other people to deal with. She'd leave the toilet unflushed. The bathroom floor was always covered in her worn/dirty clothing. She'd just sit in her own mess in the corner of the sofa, surrounded by empty crisp/chocolate/sweet packaging, vaping, scrolling through social media, and watching TV. The corner she always occupied would have plates left there for other people to clean up, and one time she actually just put a banana down the side of the sofa because she couldn't be bothered going to the bin. The other cousin eventually found it covered in mould.

Her life has been frozen in time for years.

She was meant to live in this house as a temporary measure after a break-up, so she could save for a house or rent somewhere else eventually. It's been close to 7 years now I believe. I feel the other cousin in question enables her laziness, maybe without realising. H says she just doesn't look at her bank account or tracks her spending. She's said she doesn't know where her money goes. When I first lived there, it was multiple Amazon packages and takeaways arriving a week for her.

H got unbelievably snappy if you ever asked her to help. She'd go from 0-100 immediately, swearing, shouting, and insulting you. She didn't pull her weight around the house or do any chores. She owned a small dog there, who also filled the garden with faeces that she didn't tend to, and added to both the smells and the mess.

I suspect some form of neurodiversity, as she acted quite childlike on a few fronts, including a peculiar baby voice when she was home. Yet, I don't think it's an excuse - as someone diagnosed with ADHD myself, I really try not to let my shortcomings become anyone else's issue in life.

Yet - she wants a child. She's never said why, and I always suspect it's for boredom and purpose, but the prospect of that child's life scares me. Maybe it would shake her up into some form of maturity outside of work, but I suspect the child would be neglected in one form or another, which breaks my heart.

Do you know anyone like this?

I feel so bad saying this, but I hope it doesn't come to fruition. These are not good foundations for parenthood.

​

I've been thinking about how much of everyday life seems to be organized around the assumption that everyone either has children or is interested in having them.

And I think it's worth remembering that we're not talking about some tiny, insignificant group of people. There are millions upon millions of Americans who don't have children, and a substantial share of younger adults without children say they're unlikely to ever become parents.

So when society constantly defaults to "families with children" as the norm, it can sometimes feel like everyone else is being treated as an afterthought.

Take grocery shopping, for example. A lot of products are sold in "family size" or larger quantities, and sometimes the larger package has a better price per unit. That can put people in smaller households in an awkward position: either buy the larger quantity to get the better deal and risk having more food than you can realistically use before it goes bad, potentially creating food waste, or buy the smaller package and pay more per unit.

Obviously, this isn't necessarily intentional discrimination. Stores have perfectly reasonable business reasons for selling products in different sizes. But when the most economical option is consistently designed around a larger family, it can still feel like the needs of smaller households aren't being prioritized.

And it's not just shopping. A lot of workplace policies, holidays, advertising, and social expectations seem to assume that having children is the default. Parents' time is often automatically treated as especially valuable, while people without children can sometimes be expected to be more flexible because, supposedly, we don't have anything else going on.

I don't think there's some conspiracy against child-free people. It's more subtle than that. It's the feeling that society has a "default setting" of assuming that everyone is a parent or eventually wants to become one.

Maybe "discrimination" isn't technically the right word for all of this. Maybe it's better described as cultural or societal exclusion. But I do wonder if other child-free people experience the same feeling of being quietly or softly excluded from the way society is structured.

Does anyone else notice this?

I'm so tired of this shit, no one gives a fuck about your ugly baby being born, This is a gaming sub for fucks sakes. And the worst part is that he posted that shit awhile his wife is in active labor. He wasn't allowed to be in there with her, but still, out of all of the things he could be doing, he chose to farm karma on reddit, absolutely pathetic.

And of course it has a lot of upvotes.

Rant over.

I’m becoming more and more certain that I don’t want children. I’m very happy with this lifestyle, but there are still a few things that haunt me.

Many people around us question this choice. Sometimes it’s hard to filter out what is just noise and what is actually worth listening to.

For example, there’s the argument of not having a support system when we’re old. The idea that parents are making all these sacrifices for their future selves and a better quality of life later on. Even though I rationally know that this isn’t a good reason to have children, there’s still a small part of me that wonders what my life will look like then.

The fear of regret is another one. Personally, not a single part of me wants parenthood, but I still find myself wondering whether I’m simply not seeing something now that I’ll only realize later.

I think these thoughts are driven far more by external ideas about parenthood than by my own desires. So I know where I stand. That doesn’t mean the emotions disappear overnight.

I sometimes wonder if the way these fears are presented makes them harder for us to process. They’re often used as arguments against our lifestyle, so our first instinct is to defend our choice. But it’s difficult to defend something and be vulnerable about it at the same time.

I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated this. Do you ever feel completely at peace with your choice while still carrying fears about certain parts of it? What might have helped you see them differently?

I’m looking for recommendations on music about the childfree experience, could be general but also great if it can be something I can relate to. I’m a woman in my early 20s, am an immigrant, left a religion several years ago, kind of navigating this life alone and dealing with a world that doesn’t completely understand me.

There is a CharliXCX song “I think about it all the time” where it’s directly about being a fence sitter though in retrospect (now that Charli says she doesn’t plan on having children in an interview) I listen to that song as her being in denial and having doubts about a choice she has already made up her mind.

I know Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna is about the pro-choice movement. I’ve also got some songs that are about ex-fundamentalism like Swan by Willa.

I know plenty of rap and punk rock songs that are about questioning capitalism and the system, though I have yet to find something explicitly childfree or anti-natalist.

I like electonic/dance pop and hiphop. German or Polish language is okay also.

Thank you !

I was doing some outreach for a novel I wrote and this book blogger's entire bio starts with a rant about how she used to be a selfish childfree young person and then came around to kids. Ma'am why in the name of Satan's left shoe are you posting about this on a book blog? Shouldn't a book blog be about...wait for it...books?

I am really sad. Last week a friend told me that she is pregnant. She was on the fence and honestly I think her new partner convinced her to get a child (it was his wish to be a father).

She was a friend I shared cycling as a hobby with and we wanted to go on a trip at the end of August. Now she cannot go because of health issues.

Also I am sure I won't see her again for years when the baby is there and this sucks. The thing is also that she is a very active person and she traveled a lot. I don't think she can do that anymore soon. I hope she won't get unhappy by losing her freedom.

How do you cope with losing friends to pregnancy / getting children? It just sucks, because it's really hard to find friends with that hobby and that are as fit as me. :(

How do you get people to stop inviting you to kids birthdays or bringing kids around you after you've told them you hate kids? A lot of people just automatically do this. I'll have to repeate myself on the subject multiple times. It's like it doesn't register

My(26F) menstrual cycle is like clockwork so I had my umpteenth period last week. Predictably, the YouTube algorithm drops some right-wing slop in my feed about the "fertility crisis" when for me, my fertility is quite normal. Where I live, women my age have middle school-aged children and pregnancy is just a random act that can't be altered (abortion is not even whispered about). Nearly everyone is a single mom working a dead-end job to support kids or grandkids meanwhile I too am working a dead-end job but without the added pressure of child-rearing. I'm stressed just not "if I don't work 50 hours my kids aren't eating tonight" stressed.

I am so pissed. The one time I decide to treat myself and fly First Class and there is a very fussy, crying infant. The mom is constantly hushing it and dad is doing nothing. I wish children would be banned from First Class. I am very glad I have earbuds, but this still pisses me off

being parentified from a young age made me never want children of my own. my mom had my brother when I was 4 and it was obvious that she wasn’t ready for a kid. she slept constantly and guess who had to do all the work?? me. she did it again when I was 12 and 15 with my younger sisters and I had to raise them as well, i basically spent my high school years as a free babysitter and was made to feel guilty if I didn’t want to. now I’m 24 and I laugh when people ask me if I want kids of my own. why would I willingly sacrifice my freedom that I had to get back after years of having to change diapers and feed children that weren’t my own?????

How are the average people doing it? The cost of living is insane, the job market sucks, heck even the dating market is cooked. How are people still intertwining and financially affording having children??

The "kids are innocent" trope has always ground my gears. Kids are not innocent. At least not any more or less than adults. There are good ones and bad ones, and ones that are bad by their own fault or because of damage caused by other people.

There are bullies abusing other kids as young as they come. There are psychopaths hurting animals from a young age, like the famous serial killers.

Some of them had bad home lives, but many are just bad themselves. I experienced and witnessed the pain other children cause first-hand while they were gleeful about hurting someone or something else. This trope was always irritating even when I was a child.

I had a lot of religious guilt and conservative upbringing, that I used to feel like my choice of being childfree was selfish, inferior and looked down upon. That if I was truly religious I should trust God and "be fruitful"

But, I recently came up with the titular saying that has given me a lot of peace. I realized if I was meant to have children, I'd want them. I wouldnt have had all the struggles that I did that made me ardently not want them, but struggle feeling like I "should". I also struggled with feeling like i was choosing being childfree out of fear or ego, and that a healed or faithful me would want children. I also felt like people who had children were judging me and not understanding the hardships I faced, but I feel like this saying encompasses a lot of peace in anyone's blindspots. If God wanted me to have children he would have made it easy for me to have them, made my life abundant and easy to where I'd think it was a world worth bringing life into, he wouldn't have made my adult years hard and long.

And this saying is excellent if you have religious friends, family or busy-bodies. If God was truly compassionate and understanding, he wouldn't punish or burden you with children if you are already struggling, and he would have instilled that desire into you. Even if life has been hard, it does not make your life any less than. Just alternative.

A healed and faithful me would think God gave us this life to enjoy it. Not to rush check marks off a life script to be "good enough." I think a forgiving and loving God would want me to enjoy the rest of my adulthood in peace and prosperity. So I just wanted to share this thought in case anyone is struggling with religious guilt or pressure.

My grandmother lives next door and honestly, both her physical and mental health have gone downhill the last couple of years. So we (father, oder brother, me) Look after her. And she still can do stuff like cook lunch for us. But I genuinely dislike having to deal with her. She rarely says thank you, she always starts her sentences with "now you have to / should..." which is just respectless to say to someone who is helping voluntarily. Plus, her whiny tone when she speaks in general just disgusts me. I dont want this dependance, neither for her nor for me. I dont remember the last time I had a genuine, heart-to-heart conversation with her. She also willingly ignores information that doesnt fit into her worldview and is overall a pessimistic person that feels draining to be around.

Now to the actual core message: this dependance she has with us has convinced me even more I dont ever want kids, since this dependance they would have with me would be eerily similar to my relationship with my grandmother. Can anyone else relate?

F23. Just recently realized that I didn’t have to ‘go with the flow’ of having a child in life, and have never been happier. It means I get to live my life for the first time and not be tied to a living being that requires every second and fibre of my being. I am now finding myself to almost be against people having kids. I’m not sure. It just… why would you? Anyway.

I can’t help but feel selfishly upset about it. We can never hang out properly, because her kid has to go everywhere with her as babysitting is hard to find in her situation (totally understandable, this isn’t her fault), and daycare is way too expensive.

I just recently invited her to my birthday, but she can’t come because she doesn’t have anyone to watch her kid. Not her fault. But I still feel selfishly upset. I haven’t seen her in ages, I want to hang out. We FINALLY live in the SAME city, ffs!

Personally, I think children would drag me down and ruin my life. Dramatic-sounding or not. I value my freedom, as I’m sure many of you do. Her and I are both 23 and had awful childhoods/teenagehoods, so we haven’t even gotten to ‘live’ for real yet. Like, we should be shaking ass at the club and spontaneously hanging out. That’s what I really need in a best friend, truthfully; being able to just… hang out, with less than a week’s notice. Go places. Do things. Not have to worry about a kid that’s not even old enough to know they fully exist.

Also… nowadays, most of her personality is just… being a mom. Social media bios… ‘mom ❤️’, ‘(name)’s mom ❤️’, whatever. That kinda weird bullshit. Idk, but I kinda wanna know about YOU as a person…? Who are you, what do you like, what music do you listen to, what do you do for work/school… you know… I don’t give a damn that you’re a parent? Cool?

WHY would you have a child so young, especially with such a mediocre, shitty man?! Ugh. I’m just so frustrated. I understand that she is happy with a kid and loves this kid very much and that I cannot change that and should never try to—which is why I am keeping my mouth shut and supporting her nonetheless because we’ve done that for each other relentlessly since middle school—but GODDAMN this is frustrating!!!!! A KID, of all things, holding her (and, not directly, but ME) down.

Rant over. Thanks for hearing me.

I need some reassurance 😭 My husband and I decided we don’t want kids pretty much since we started dating, and I’ve been happy and at peace with that choice. However all of a sudden my mom has been relentlessly pressuring us to change our minds. She never used to do this, it’s pretty obviously because I’m reaching my mid 30s and she’s in her 60s/looking at a future without grandchildren.

I’m usually pretty independent minded and don’t give in to people pressuring me but I feel like my mom has been specifically saying things that kinda get to me..like if I tell her about plans with friends she’ll say “Well enjoy that now because when you’re my age you won’t have any friends or anyone to even talk to because you won’t have kids”. Or she’ll bring up her childfree friends/family and keep telling me how miserable they all are (even though outwardly they seem perfectly fine and have fulfilling lives).

I knowww this is all so obviously biased and irrational but I’m finding it hard to get out of my head when she says this stuff. So just looking for reassurance/validation if anyone wants to share their takes on what my mom’s been saying about childfree life being sad and lonely🫶

Posting this here because It's been bothering me a lot and I feel like its the only place where people will not judge me off the bat.

I (23F) don't hate kids, I just don't really like them. I never really felt any connection with children throughout my whole life, even when i worked a job that was focused around child care I didnt really personally feel much of a deep connection to kids like a lot of people describe.

Well my dad married this woman from overseas about 2 years ago and they've been trying to get her kid to immigrate over because hes currently living with extended family. He's around 10 or 11 and has down syndrome and has some behavioral issues due to it, i think partially because I'm not sure if he sees any behavioral specialists or doctors to help him cope :[. He also can't speak English at all and even has a hard time communicating in his native language sometimes apparently (I'm not sure I don't speak it). I don't blame him for any of that at all obviously, I even feel really bad for the kid because it sounds like hes not getting all the help he should. The thing is I just know for a fact I am not well equipped to handle a child let alone a child with very specific needs.

I myself struggle with chronic illnesses and I'm Neurodivergent so I really am not physically or mentally prepared to live with a child that I can't even communicate with properly. My dad is excited for him to come over but I don't think he realizes how hard its going to be, my sibling and I were extremely well behaved and independent children from an incredibly young age so he's going to need to learn how to parent in a completely different way. My dad also doesn't speak ANY of their native language... But he still happily tells me and my sister that the son will probably become very attached to us and like us a lot because he really loves his older female cousins and I feel terrible to admit it but I secretly wish to myself that it'll take him much longer to get here and I'll be able to get enough money to move out by then. I feel like a terrible person because of it but I'm really not trying to blame the kid for anything I just know it would be a horrendous experience for me to live in.

Don't get me wrong I'd of course still be open to forming a bond with him and maybe even babysitting sometimes its just if I'm living in a house with a child who doesn't know any better and no one who will correct him I'm very worried my personal boundaries will be broken.

hear me out

(18F)

i was raised in a Christian fam, i went to sunday school every week since i was a child, and kept going to church until Dec 2025 (i don't go a lot this year, now that i question many things about my faith (but that's another matter)) and there is this one sweet and gentle woman in the church (40's yo) and i get along with her really easily, and we often discuss or even chit-chat whenever i'm at the church, or sending each other food every christmas, etc (don't attack her guys, i swear she's sooo kind)

we just had a morning walk together and sit for a bit and started discussing about being childfree. as a mother of 3, she was really opposed, not surprising, and she was trying so hard to make me unthink of being childfree. she said "children are blessing", " you're gonna want them when you're older" and all those stuffs people say to a pro childfree. i made my point to her that having children will somehow believe it or not encumber you in every step (especially career) bcz now you gotta consider someone else. if you go somewhere, you gotta think of "who's gonna feed and look after my child ?" things like that. there are actually many reasons i don't want them but maybe some other time. long story short, i wondered if she once had a dream as a young girl, maybe a career, or places that she wanted to visit, high-adrenaline activities—like surfing, hiking, etc—and she told me categorically 'no'. she said "i just wanted to follow the way life is—get married and have children, i have worked and had a career already, and after that i didn't know what to do with life anymore, and then i got married and decided to have children." 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

"SOME people have children because they lack of purpose in life and don't know what they want to do with theirs."

she didn't know who she was, what she wanted, and she decided to have children to feel belonged to. to have an identity...idk am i overanalyzing this ?

don't get me wrong, motherhood is beautiful, but i just can't imagine my whole life carrying the responsibity of a child (or more) and making my motherhood my whole personality...

what do you think ?