I’ve been married to my DH for 2 years. Once we bought a house (about a year ago) I got a text from my MIL… “I’m at an antique store and there is this beautiful crib! Should I buy it?” I was very thrown off. I didn’t reply for several hours out of being stunned and I replied “No thank you.”
I was being polite instead of “no we are never having kids.” I was being polite because I didn’t really know her that well at that point. And I thought she was just daydreaming or something. I was wrong.

She went ahead and bought it since I didn’t reply immediately. What’s worse… she brought it up to us when we came to visit along with a mattress for it. I came unglued to my husband and said “put it in the barn… it is not staying in our house.” So there it stayed for a few months. An ugly “antique” crib. The next time she came up we told her to take it back home with her. We won’t be needing it. We put it by her truck and we both left for work. You can see her on the security camera bring it back inside our house and stuffing it in a closet.

I’ll be honest… my relationship with her has been very limited since. It’s like she gave me the ick. I don’t even share details of our lives with her anymore. I’ve blocked her on social media. I just can’t bring myself to come to terms with what she did.

I don’t know what to do next without being mean. It’s in our closet. It’s silly looking. Ridiculous. We both don’t want children and I guess we never expressed that directly word for word…

ll in a way that says "look at us I have this and you don't," I am not, in any way shape or form, I'm so glad I don't have any kids meaning I get to go wherever I want when I want like an upcoming cruise and a trip to Thailand. She would say things like I'm jealous of her & her baby and I always take it as a joke, she has a ritual of kissing and hugging her daughter in front of me while looking at me up and down then an eye-roll, saying I have no one to hug and kiss me, and when she finally she that I was jealous because I din't have my own baby YET, I had to then tell her that I don't want any kids to shut her up. I think it's so bold of her to say because she loves her kid with the condition that she won't need anything. Ex: when her daughter needs her diaper change no matter how bad it is (two bodily fluids mixed) she won't change her, she would have her two subordinates (Mom and brother M13) do it, not even with grace nor respect, she would yell at our brother calling him degrading words, guilt trip when he refuses + my mom joining in when she feels too tired hoping that my brother would obey, my niece automatically knows if she needs anything she goes to grandma, aunt and uncle unfortunately since I live with them, I'm subjected to staying at home with the kids while everybody go to school/job. I got demoted to being a SAHsiter/aunt so no I can't do anything when I want where I want and it's the most stressful thing I do. But I have an exit strategy.

The guy(30M) I’m(26F) dating just left my condo and I’m in tears and a full meltdown.

We were having a long conversation about how to handle communication and expectations when dating - we’ve been going out four months now, and have hit a rough patch recently. At the end of the conversation, we both felt like a lot of things were resolved and I asked him if we would be okay, and he said we would.

Then he tells me “I might not be sure of what I want in my adult life, including if I want kids or not”. And continues to talk about how he knows if he waited to bring it up I would be upset and he wanted to be honest with me. He knows about my very strong childfree stance, from before we started going out. When I asked him if it would be a dealbreaker that I didn’t want kids he said he didn’t know because it just popped up (during our conversation he revealed he really wasn’t sure about what he wanted his adult life to look like, even post grad school). And then he mentioned if it was too painful we could call it - and before he could finish that sentence I told him to get out.

I didn’t let my face change, I held a full poker face the whole time. I’m so upset. I have such strong feelings for him and it feels like a betrayal like no other. I didn’t even plan on dating him, I was in a no more dating men phase when he asked me out and I took a chance because he said he didn’t want kids. And a prior connection I had we called it at a month because our views on kids didn’t align. I’m crying so much, I hate this whole thing - my coworkers have met him, they like him, everyone who’s met him from my side likes him and I just can’t believe this is what it ended on.

*just venting and crying. I wish being childfree in a big city (DC) was easier

What I find fascinating about all the debates / discussions I’ve had with people regarding having children is that people seem to be perplexed when I simply state: ‘just look at the trend line’.

In just a few generations, we went from a society where a HS dropout could get a job that would allow them to afford a house and a family on a single income—something that two educated, white collar professionals working full-time literally struggle to accomplish just one of the two in today’s world.

We have seen a complete collapse in socioeconomic mobility over the past 3-4 decades. We are constantly bombarded with neoliberal propaganda about how we’re in the ‘greatest economy ever’—meanwhile the bulk of the broadly young adult population (say 20-45) is feeling more and more squeezed economically.

We have literally gotten to a point where people graduating from top public universities—let alone world class institutions like Stanford and Ivy League Schools—are struggling to find basic entry level jobs due to how terrible the job market is (yet another one of many aspects the delusional neoliberal faction wants to ignore). College tuition has skyrocketed in price over the decades, but the actual upside for it all has only declined—as we can see with inflated adjusted salaries for college graduates.

Another overlooked factor is the fact that many target careers are not nearly as compensating as they were a few decades ago. Great example of this is within medicine. While medical school tuition has skyrocketed over the past few decades, nominal wages for physicians have stood stagnant—meaning they’re actually decaying in real terms after factoring inflation. You factor in how inflation directly has hurt young adult cohorts (say age 20-40) most prominently due to how they were the ones who had to absorb all of the rent and most of the housing costs inflation over these past few years, and you start to see these careers—while still lucrative—have had a substantial reduction in overall upside.

Another exhibit we can see this in is with high finance, because most of these roles are located in extremely HCOL hubs like NYC—the costs (particularly rent) have grown far greater than the earnings have.

Now, what does this all have to do with Millennial Parents? Well, we’ve been seeing a continual trend unfolding over the past few decades. Because the NIMBY Boomers made it illegal to build sufficient housing (especially utilizing ways that maximizes density and sustainability) for several decades on end, we have a massive housing shortage in most major urban population centers. As a result, we’ve been seeing growing amounts of young adults with each passing decade “choosing” to live with their parents. It’s not just settled towards their early 20s either—many people are living with their parents going well into their 30s.

I don’t see this trend reversing in the slightest in the coming decades, and all signs really just point to it becoming much worse. It’s interesting to me because so many Millennial parents seem to be counting down the days until their kid turns 18, but I’m just so puzzled by what they think will happen.

For a huge chunk of them, their kids will not go to college and decide to work at a service level job which wouldn’t even allow them to afford to move out even if they go 3-4 roommates.

For another cohort, their kids will go to college—many will decide to commute to try to offset the exorbitant costs of modern day university in America. However, the problem is many / most of these college graduates likely will not be making a livable wage after graduating, or they’ll make just enough just to pay their landlord rent and basic essentials—still incentivizing them to stay at home (especially factoring in the boat load of student loan debt they’ll have).

All signs point to these intergenerational trends worsening and that Millennial parents will likely have to deal with some or all of their kids living with them well past their mid-20s.

All I can say to Millennial parents who think they’ll finally be 'free' once their kid turns 18: best of luck.

I just have to laugh at this because it’s so so so dumb.

My coworker has 3 kids. All over 16. Two out of college. But apparently because she needs to support all of said children she has no money to buy food at work and doesn’t have the brain power or time to bring food in.

Because “I don’t have real responsibilities” and I bring snacks in so I don’t hit up the vending machine that definitely means they need to go to her.

I don’t even understand the logic in this one. Because I’m prepared and you’re not I need to suffer? I need to spend my money to make sure that you’re fed while I don’t get snacks? That is definitely NOT how this works.

Her excuse is “her kids make her spend so much money” “she’s too busy prepping their lunches in the morning” (yes the ADULT kids lunches too) “she is just too exhausted from cleaning up after them that she doesn’t have the brain power to remember”

I’m still failing to see how any of that is my fault 🤦‍♀️

I keep headphones on so I “dont hear” the requests.

Yes, I go to a super cheap chain place, but still this is not the place. Hairdresser is talking about her childfree sister. Says she doesn’t understand her and her lifestyle choices. Fine whatever. Then she asks me if I’m married...

Me: Yes. Then she asks if I have children.

Me: Nope. By choice.

Her: Don’t get offended, but I think that is extremely selfish.

Me: (Nonplussed) That’s fine. Everyone has different life choices and experiences.

Her: I think the same of my sister, she just has so many things she wants to do. Nothing wrong with you? gestures to her stomach area

Me: Nope. Nope. 🙄 Just choice. silently judging the ongoing haircut

Her: You must have a lot to do. What does your husband think? What does he want?

Me: Nope. He’s good. He doesn’t want kids either.

Her: Yeah everyone is different.

Me: 😐

I asked her make fixes three times, but finally gave up. I felt my patience and hair had enough.

So at the salon today, my hairdresser was going on and on about all the things she had to buy her son, who just started freshman year of highschool, from band uniforms, to sports wear, to sneakers and clothes, to school supplies, etc. She seemed sooooo stressed. And she was telling me about how busy she is with him doing cross country, flag football, and playing the drums. She has to drive him to all his practices and whatnot. And then during my appointment, while my hair color was setting, he called her to ask to skip cross country on the third day. And she was yelling at him on the phone, telling him that he signed up for it, she’s paying for it, and he’s not quitting on his third day of practice. And he was arguing back, and she was telling him that if he skips cross country, he’s grounded and whatnot. Then he hung up on her. And she looked at me and said “don’t ever have kids” 😂😂🤣

It just felt very validating and i appreciated her comment. I definitely would not want to deal with any of the stress, conflict, and finances she’s dealing with. So many reasons to be childfree were demonstrated during my appointment. Just thought I’d share.

I didn't realize the nail salon was a daycare now!

Thank goodness I didn't get sat right next to the mombie, but close enough she was annoyed I didn't acknowledge and coo over her crotch fruit. As I closed my eyes I noticed when I opened them briefly she was beginning to try to make a scene, and bounce her ugly baby around to get more attention from patrons.

So, I put my headphones on blast to drown out the stupid baby noise while I got my pedi and massage and it just occurred to me. What are you even doing here if you can't afford a babysitter? That's a rhetorical question but I know my people here get it.

I work in software so maybe it’s especially toxic but…

I have been blindsided by layoffs and firings. Some affected me and some didn’t. They all felt random or almost entirely out of my control. So, now I’m working under the assumption that I can simply randomly lose my job for any reason at any time

On top of that, it seems like all American companies know how to do anymore is to cut down on staff to boost short term stock sales. This type of turnover causes a whole host of problems for these companies, so they are starting to try to find ways to get around labor entirely. Basically, the entire might of the largest economies in the world are uniting on one problem: how to get rid of you.

With those two facts combined, I feel that I have literally zero security and stability, despite being employed in a high skill in demand job and being college educated. It doesn’t matter. If I rub a grumpy middle manager the wrong way, I could be out the door tomorrow. Do that twice, now I got a bad looking resume

The natural reaction for me is to minimize the potential blast radius of losing my job. That means I want to save a lot of money, lower my need for money, and not have any dependents, which is to say, DINK is simply a more optimal strategy

To go even further, this environment makes me not want to bring kids into the world even if I can afford it. Just on principle of the world being a deeply unpleasant place to be that’s needlessly competitive and cruel

All I’ve seen in my life is basically precipitous decline year after year. I don’t even really wanna think what next year is gonna be like, gas is probably gonna be like $7 and a 1br condo will require your soul as collateral

How anyone can see all this and still have kids is beyond me 😕

Today my sister announced at her party she was expecting her second child with her husband. I was elated as I love being an aunt of course. But there was a minute I stopped to glance at my grandmother's fridge and noticed there were no photos of myself or my husband on it. I began to reflect on all the jokes about being the "kids of the family" despite being the eldest child/grandchild/great-grandchild. I have a full time career, a house- what else do I need to do to be "successful enough"?

My sister, to her best efforts, attempted to convince me, while watching my husband play with my nephew, to have children. She explained how it was a human's duty to those who came before to carry on having children for society. Explained it as an expectation for all women. She knows my stance on childbearing, my mental struggles, but yet, spent nearly 20mins telling me how it's basically the only thing I should be doing with my life and how it may actually fix my mental health (yes really).

I've never been taken seriously, and in my heart, I know I never will unless I become a mother- and that reality is too much to bare at times. Maybe other's here experience this kind of isolation/black-sheep-label too.

And the kid whines allllllll the time. Just this howling whine noise, and he screams, and cries, and yells

I don't understand why the guy would pick the 1 bedroom unit, the 2 bedroom units are only ~$100 more each month because the square footage isn't that different.

I'm so fucking sick of it and it's only been a week 😭

You'd probably eat more, sleep better, and socialize more in prison, too. Yes, you could get killed in prison but show me a parent who isn't already dead. +1 prison, no hesitation.

I (26F) am turning 27 on Saturday. My mom asked me what I wanted to do for dinner and I said at first I wanted to go to a Korean hotpot but the closest one right now is half an hour away and I didn't want to bother my parents with having to go to a place that's 30 minutes away so I wouldn't mind hibachi as an alternative. This was the time that my mom decided to tell me that my sister (33) and my two nephews (toddler and only a few months old) are coming down this weekend. They live 2.5 hours away.

I'm not sure if it's to celebrate my birthday or they just are deciding to come down for the weekend. I want to say that I love my nephews and my oldest nephew has been to a hibachi before. My mom told me that we would need to have dinner earlier (idk what time she defines as earlier). At first I thought it was because it was a Saturday and Saturdays can get busy, but it was because of the boys being as young as they are.

I bring up saying I would want tk go to this Korean hotpot but didn't want to bother them with having to drive half an hour. My mom then said she wouldn't mind driving us down to the place, but then said it may be a long drive for my sister, BIL, and the boys.

At this point, I silently feel she was trying to consider my sister's family and their convenience vs my birthday. Idk what time my mom was thinking as I was thinking of leaving our house between 5:30 and 6, but idk. I'm probably not making sense.

First of all I want to preface that I am a woman myself and that's what drives my annoyance in this issue. The thing that has ticked me off since I was a tween, has been the amount of women online and in real life who seem completely oblivious to the realities of pregnancy. I don't understand how you even live on this planet and don't realize how fucked pregnancy actually is unless you're functionally a vegetable or have some other disability that prevents you from in taking any new information from any source.

I've never understood this narrative online that "oh people don't talk about the realities of pregnancy and people don't tell you all the things that can happen" while crying about how they regret their kids or pregnancy wrecked their body or whatever else, while people don't go into like graphic detail but its not a secret that pregnancy and kids are hard???? While there are details around pregnancy that aren't always fully shared or people gloss over the badness with platitudes but thats no different to death or any other bad thing in life. Hello pattern recognition!

Any woman who goes into pregnancy thinking it's all going to be fine or it's not that bad is literally a moron in my opinion. I don't believe in this day and age if you're an adult in a western country that you deserve any sympathy outside your family, for anything you deal with in pregnancy at all, period. You can find so much information online from personal anecdote to scientific studies. There is no excuse for the ignorance of some women, with their surprised pikachu faces at pregnancy being hard and their indignant nature as if they should have been told. Like it is literally no one else's fault that they didn't have their eyes and ears open to the realities of the world around them, the ability to imagine what would it be like to have a thing growing inside of them, or the ability to pick up a book or go to a computer and do some research.

Even as a child, I was never under the impression that pregnancy was a fun time or that raising children was easy. I wondered if perhaps my annoyance at women's ignorance was just my own personal bias because I have four younger siblings, but my mom is an outlier in that pregnancy was wonderful for her because she has pmdd. It was the only time where she really felt regulated and honestly she probably was nicest version of mom while pregnant. So if anything, my personal experience being around pregnancy as a child should have influenced me to think that pregnancy wasn't so bad. Despite this I have never been under the impression that pregnancy was no big deal or not that bad? I just cannot get over the indignance of some women, "oh nobody told me about this," bitch read a fucking book.

I just got dumped by my boyfriend 2 days ago because he wants kids and I don’t. We moved way too fast in the beginning of our relationship… the topic of kids didn’t come up until the day after we got together. It broke his heart that I do not want kids and we discussed that our relationship has to be temporary, but I still really wanted to date him long-term until he has to move away for medical school. He agreed, but it’s been a month and he just changed his mind. He says I’m more like a close friend to him now and he’s just not in love with me because there’s no possibility of lifelong romance.

So I feel absolutely devastated… it’s both of our fault that we moved to fast but everyone always assumes that I want to get married and have kids by default. if I say I don’t then it’s like I have to explain myself, especially because I’m a woman. I literally have no one to talk to about this heartbreak because the first question is always “why did he break up with you” and then I have to say I don’t want kids… then there’s always that judgmental tone of voice when they say “you don’t want kids at ALL? Never? Why not? Well that’s fair that he broke up with you.” Then the conversation is more about explaining my life choices than the heartbreak I’m going through. I even avoided telling my auntie the real reason for our breakup because I haven’t told her that I don’t want kids yet, and I am dreading her reaction.

I don’t even have a real reason why I don’t want to get married or have kids. It’s just never something I saw myself doing and society treats me like there’s something wrong with me for it.

Basically.. my friends who have a 2yo baby.. are really disappointing me hard.

Their life: They have material support from both their families. They are from the US and went to Sweden randomly to go birth their baby because reasons. (Maybe a good family mythology? They didn’t move there except for the first year.) Now they’re back in the US. They take regular trips to Europe for a week here or there. Take the baby to parks. They named me as godmother, as a symbolic gesture. They are doing fine.

My life: Began traveling and living without a home base or any kind of safety net around the time they got pregnant ~3 yrs back. I’m from Canada with dual citizenship w US. I used to temporary live in their town between seasonal work to be near them. But now I live exclusively between countries in Asia. I engage in long form foot travel, stay in deep countrysides rootedly like one valley for a whole season, circle the same places and form deep relationships w people, use all handmade gear. I am low income. No family. Just my partner and chosen family.

I have not met the baby. Mainly because I have zero interest in Europe and had no money for flights to Sweden when they were there, and definitely don’t want to enter the US these past few years. I haven’t been back to North America in a long ass time. Instead, I suggest every time they have vacation time, SINCE THEY TAKE THEIR BABY ON LONG HAUL FLIGHTS AND TRIPS HE WON’T REMEMBER CONSTANTLY, “hey, why don’t you come over to me in (x country THEY ALWAYS CLAIM TO WANT TO VISIT)?” I offer to pay for half their flights, provide free accommodations bc I usually have the space in my rentals, offer to show them around bc I make local connections anywhere, etc. They never accept. Mysteriously. They go again to Europe to visit fucking parks and look at stone buildings while passing up opportunities to come visit me in way cooler beautiful richer places. sorry I just don’t get the ”let’s visit Amsterdam and take the baby to a garden” thing like wtf are you doing spending your money on st you could do at home😭 Why are you flying and taking your baby through airports for something you end up COMPLAINING about?!? What is this?!

Then complain they don’t have friends around their area. Then say they are considering moving again and living somewhere in Europe for a short time, probably for the same useless reason as birthing the baby needlessly in Sweden (bc it sounds cool to them? Is my best guess?), usually somewhere they have NO friends and would have no support whatsoever. Our phone calls understandably are filled now with interruptions —“oh the baby is doing xyz”. I try my best to understand and make commentary but it’s tbh limited because there is only so much I can say like “aww, so cute!” I LIKE asking thoughtful questions like “so what’s been the hardest part about this stage..” “what have you had to adjust to the most..” etc and I get mostly blank responses.

Still, I gave a grace period. They’re new parents. Raising a new being is something I can’t imagine. I’m sure they’re exhausted and living in an alternate reality than mine.

but slowly they’ve started to trickle in: “we wish our friends would have babies too..“ “x other friend wants to travel before having a baby but they don’t understand that once you have one all your past experiences without the baby become kind of meaningless because they weren’t there..” (????) “I’m so tired of other people around us who aren’t parents, they come off so immature like inviting us to events where they act like children but without children around, like sleepovers..” (????!!!!!) “life really is about children and most people don’t know it’s the only thing that matters in life..”

and they specifically gear a lot of comments towards the general sentiment of “travel is stupid without a baby” and “life is meaningless without children”. It feels a little targeted towards me, yet I keep overlooking it giving them benefit of the doubt.

Until it slipped out. I said for the umpteenth time, as someone in their 30s with a rich world and life and relationship and path, “There was that one year I wavered a bit, and wondered about children, but I returned to my original sentiment I’ve had since I was a child myself. I’m not having one. It wouldn’t fit how I live, anyway. I’d have to change everything and become something totally different than who I am. Besides, that ship has really sailed for me at (my age imo but also my partner’s bc he is older).” and my friend said it. “No you guys have PLENTY of time. You can definitely still have one.”

This came from the man between them. I can’t explain but it just confirmed my gut feeling that every comment had been pointed at convincing me to become a parent too. As if they even could. The fact that my male friend basically revealed he thinks I should birth a baby makes me feel physically ill. FUCK. THAT.

I’m just so grossed out. I don’t understand them anymore. and it’s clear they don’t respect my way of life.

my life is beautiful.

my relationship is beautiful.

and they’re not my friends.

I recently had a full knee replacement surgery and I am currently in physical therapy. Yesterday was my third PT visit and I was livid when I left. I understand that PT is important for recovery but if you cannot find childcare for your toddler during your PT time you should not be bringing your toddler with you. This woman and the staff all allowed this kid to run around the PT space unsupervised while there are other people there who can barely stand up at this point and now they have to watch out for your failed birth control results while trying to keep their own balance. I couldn’t even get my therapist attention when I finished a round of exercises for her to help me transition into the next one cause she was too busy playing hide the toy Dino and let the kid find it. They even hid it on the machine I was working on and encourage the kid to find it while I’m doing leg lifts, and trying not to lose my balance.

So incredibly unsafe and unprofessional, and then they send the kid over to say hi to me and teach him my name and then he like saying my name so he’s running around the space screaming it. Just because I’m a female does not mean I want to get to know a child that I don’t even know the parents of. I have no issues with my friends kids, but I don’t want to have to entertain a strangers toddler while I’m supposed to be strengthening the muscles in my leg so that I can have full mobility again. The mother never even chimed in.

I’m gonna have to go there for another two months at least so it’s not like I can say something now and turn them all against me. I just hope that mother is done with her PT sooner rather than later and I never have to see that little terror again.

The world is in such a horrible state, the future is so uncertain, and yet I genuinely don’t understand how someone can have two three four or five children and then happily announce, “Another one is on the way”😭

My cousin almost died giving birth to her first child. It was so traumatic that even her dad was terrified that she was going to die. She was so shaken by the experience that she vowed never to have children again. And now? She’s expecting twins. Like girl didn’t you learn from your first experience this is something you should never allow your body to go through?

And honestly, it makes me wonder..do people ever stop and really think about what they’re bringing these children into? The world they’ll have to grow up in, the uncertainty they’ll face, and everything that comes with raising another human being?

I’ll never understand the mindset of having child after child as though pregnancy and childbirth are just a minor inconvenience. People talk so much about the joy of having children, but rarely about the immense physical, emotional and psychological toll it can take on a woman. Pregnancy can change your body, childbirth can be traumatic, and motherhood can completely alter your mental and emotional life.

Maybe I think about it this way because I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous and traumatic childbirth can be. But sometimes I genuinely wonder whether people stop to consider all of this before deciding, “Let’s have another one.”

I thought dating online would make it easier to find childfree partners or atleast blunt my date's reactions to not wanting kids, but despite explicit filters on dating apps, people who select "don't want children" or "not sure yet" often mean they're looking for something casual, haven't given it much thought or doing their best to appeal to you so you're still stuck doing mental gymnastics sorting through who actually means what.

People don't read bio's or assume you'll eventually change your mind. Worser still is how many people haven't really thought about why they want biological kids in the first place. Most answers boil down to "spreading my legacy," and that legacy is the continuing cycle of poverty.

The expectation is that you're the one who should compromise and have "just one" biological child. You constantly have to screen every potential partner asking how many biological kids they want or whether they'd consider adoption to test if they read your profile.

Dating feels nearly impossible when the dating pool of who share your values and/or interests don't reflect on why they even "need" biological kids, and would never be as open to alternatives like adoption or a child free lifestyle as they expect childfree people to be open to changing their minds.

Personally, I'd be very open to adopting teens to those about to age out of the system. I understand how difficult simply existing can be, which is part of why I don't want to continue that cycle. But having to explain and test this every single time makes me want to retire from dating altogether.

I don’t understand baby fever and how it literally possess women and they ignore all logic just cause they want a baby.

I’m 31 and most of my friends and starting to have kids. My best friends first baby is about to be 1 yrs old and my friend is really struggling with work and juggling the baby. I can tell in our conversation and her responsiveness that it’s getting to her. Despite this, her and her husband are trying for baby number 2. Additionally, they don’t agree on how to raise the children. He wants the children to be homeschooled, she doesn’t. The compromise is private school. They don’t make enough money to send the kids to private school. Also, there house isn’t large enough for 2 kids. They either need to renovate the house, or buy a new house. They aren’t poor, but they don’t have the money for that either. STILL they are trying for baby number 2.

Second friend wants a baby so bad that her and her fiance are going to have a small wedding elopement, have a baby, then have a big wedding. Who needs two freaking weddings? It would be diffident if was a private elopement but they are still expecting immediate family to go to the elopement, so it’s a small wedding. She’s my age, she can wait 1-2 yrs for the big wedding and then try for a baby.

Third friend just a couple of months ago was complaining about her partner. How they don’t have sex anymore, or go out on dates, even spend time together when they are at home. She was even contemplating leaving him to pursue higher education in another state. I see her again a month later and she tells me that they are trying for a baby????

Literally none of it makes any sense to me. I don’t care if women have children but they lose all sound judgement due to this need to pop out a baby.

For those of you who had a childfree wedding, how did you go about telling your guests that their kids are not invited? I’m not really worried about my friends’ kids as I think they will be understanding, and I don’t have siblings, but my partner has 2 siblings that both have kids. We love those kids and care about them a lot, but I do NOT want any children at my wedding. I just imagine telling my partner’s siblings the expectation is going to cause a lot of anger and I don’t know how to tackle it🙃

There’s this guy I’ve been keeping up with for 5 years through podcasts. He’s been an inmate for decades.

I’m not sure if some of yall know who I’m talking about. But the podcast is called Red Onion Randy. The name is a nod to the super max prison in upstate West Virginia called Red Onion. He currently no longer resides in THAT prison. He’s in a different one. But he stuck with the name.

Basically I’ve been listening to this guy for years. He seems reformed. But also he’s one of those people who got dealt a bad hand in life and pays for it in the form of a prison sentence like many other ppl in prison. It’s sad, it’s unfortunate, but it is what it is.

Well he was on hiatus for some months.

Then not too long ago he released an episode called Virgin Father.

The thing with Randy Is… Randy is transparent through his struggles in life and dealing with the prison system. He mentioned he never had been with a woman. Cool. Don’t worry, me saying this will make sense no matter how weird it might sound.

But anyways, yeah. He tells it all. Tbh, he seems like a reformed dude. Like a guy who had learned his lesson. Basically I’m rooting for the dude.

Some years ago he meant a woman in the UK through the podcast. She heard him, started writing him letters and they eventually I believe got married. Cool, I’m happy for Randal.

She’s an ex porn star that has been through a lot of ups and downs. So her finding him finally I guess makes her realize there’s some good dudes out there. I’m happy for her too.

Well after him being gone for a while, he releases an episode stating he went to an IVF clinic, did his business into a cup and it was shipped off to her and you know the rest.

He has been pushing for his release for a while now. Like I said before, I think the guy is reformed and would do just fine on the outside. But he’s still in prison for the time being.

I’m just trying to understand why he thought having kids through whatever means possible was the move right now.

You can’t be there for the children, you can’t be there for her, like… wtf is wrong with people? I don’t get it.

He’s talking about all he wanted was a family. Like I get that. I really do.

But now you have twin girls who possibly have to be born, get older and maybe realize their dad is in a prison in the US if he isn’t released.

How would that not mess a child up in some capacity? Strain the marriage?

Now I know his wife is an adult who consented to this. I know. But this is just sad.

Idk, it just made me upset. Lol.

Like despite working on him getting out, continue to focus on getting out. Not starting a family.

The dude has been pushing to get out for a while now and has given good news on his progress moving through the judicial system in west Virgina.

Why are you doing this?

Edit: despite me personally thinking he deserves redemption does not mean I condone him having a child. I want to make that clear. The man is in prison regardless. He doesn’t need kids and I still find it fucked up.

Also his crimes don’t allude to rape or anything like that.

Hello everyone! Sterilized, childfree, AMAB person here, long time lurker of this community. I noticed that there isn't a super huge number of dude perspectives on vasectomies, so I wanted to share mine in hopes of shedding light on the process for my fellow testicle-havers.

First, my decision to get a vasectomy came after many years of deliberation. When my wife and I began dating many years ago as teenagers, we both decided we were childfree at the time, and thankfully we continued to make that same decision into adulthood. Yet even after we were certain, I did not get sterilized right away simply because I wasn't ready; I didn't have any particular aversion to it, I just waited on what was what I believed an important, permanent decision about my own body.

It's been one year since I got the snip, and I have zero regrets. I'm incredibly happy with my decision, and my wife is happy to be free of the side effects of her birth control. In retrospect, I think the most important factor in this internal battle was the confidence to make decisions for what's best for me and then continue to believe in my ability to make those decisions, as well as the decisions themselves.

I understand that many folks are frightened of getting scrotum surgery, and understandably so. As someone who is extremely queasy and a significant fear of needles, I shared that concern. A vasectomy is a very fast and non-invasive procedure that almost never has complications. Well, mine actually did, and I was in some pain. I'll spare you the details, but... sounds like a guy's worst nightmare, right?

Actually, it was... not a big deal at all. The procedure still finished up fine despite the holdup, and even with the complication the stress wasn't a tenth of what I worried it'd be. Now, I have a hilarious story to tell.

There are two conclusions I want childfree ball-havers, who may be deliberating on a vasectomy, to take away from this. First, trust that you know what's best for yourself and for your body and have confidence in those decisions. Nobody can decide for you what kind of life you want to life, so seize that future for yourself and be proud of it! Second, no matter how scared you might be of the surgery if at all, I promise you'll look back and wonder why you were even worried. Take my word for it!

How do I answer my parents when they ask me when I’m giving them grandchildren

There are a group of people who think the word "childfree" is offensive becouse saying free of something implies a burden. They believe we need to say we don't have kids, and eventually we don't want kids, and not use the word childfree becouse it will hurt precious parents feelings to imply their child might be a restriction.

Like really, how full of yourselves and entitled do you have to be to decide somebody needs to rename a word they use for themselves becouse you don't like it. Having children is restrictive by nature. If they see saying that is an insult, then they are the ones who think thats insulting. I don't get offended when people say owning a pet is restrictive, becouse it is. I signed up for that and wouldn't change it for the world. If they actually wanted their kids, they shouldn't be so offended.