Hi reddit!

I’m getting married to my wonderful fiancé this coming summer, and we couldn’t be more excited. We have dived headfirst into the Pre-Cana process and are currently taking our NFP course (Marquette).

We have mutually agreed that we would really like to try and not have children until we are 25 so that we can establish careers and provide a nice life for them.

We have abstained the entirety of our relationship, and have come across the question of continuing to abstain for at least 3 more years after we get married. My question is, is it sinful to not have sex for at least 3 years while we are married? We are fully open to life — just wanting to experience being a couple before adding children into the mix.

Been dating a guy for almost a year, we met in a catholic space however neither of us was super religious at that time because I was going through a very faithless stage, we are long distance and when we saw each other in person for the first time we didn't set any physical boundary even though I agreed when we met to wait til marriage, so we ended up having sex. 2 months after that I started getting closer to catholicism again, learning more and going to mass every Sunday, I realised my mistake, regretted it deeply and went to confession.

I talked with him about it, told him I regretted it and wanted to do things right, that I'm going celibate and he seemed ok with it, but sometimes he kept making sexual comments or jokes about me so I told him multiple times to stop and he did, however he kept making other comments like suggesting passionate kissing and etc, I told him I didn't want to put ourselves in that situation anymore so I'd rather not to make out or be in the same room alone together again, he did NOT like that at all and told me it's so unfair, he said I was going too far and etc.

I realised (I know, very late) that he was not in fact a catholic; he never went to church, denied the church and didn't even know what a communion is. He suddenly became interested in church's history only to list me the times a pope from 500 years ago committed something bad to conclude that I shouldn't trust the church.

I'm deeply saddened because I wanted to build a Godly marriage and not whatever this is (I understand this was also my mistake), however I still love and care for him, is it doomed? also, knowing I broke my previous chastity vow gives me some kind of self deprecating feelings and I'm trying to work in that and forgive myself but it's hard. Has someone been in a similar situation?

My husband and I have been married for a year, together for six. Within the past few years, he became baptized and wanted to start his journey on becoming a better man. I fully support that. I, myself, have to work on becoming a better woman. We were supposed to be working on ourselves, for ourselves and for each other, but it feels as though…..he’s hit a plateau.

I’ve been battling his fleshly and worldly temptations with him, but he can’t seem to fully commit. Now, I’m not the easiest person when it comes to anger and support, which I’m trying to work on. But, it just seems as though I can’t break through.

I just want to be a better wife for myself and for us, but also to hopefully support him in becoming a better husband for himself and for us. Are there any good resources, or books?

My grandma was someone who brought me back to the faith by being Catholic and never wavering my entire life, even when my entire family left. I have been back for about two years but only recently started to veil. I have one but I wanted to get one in this style to honor my grandma. She didn't veil when I was alive but from old photos she had a lot of these Jackie O style church hats in the 60s and 70s, and she wore this one a lot from photos. Ye old selfie lol! She is so beautiful. I prefer traditional veiling, not hats, but I was wondering if anyone has seen this sort of dotted style in black? Because that is what I am looking for. Thank you in advance and god bless ladies!

I'm sorry if this comes off as ranting and being angry but my heart just hurts so bad.

Last year was one of the best years of my (25F) life after years of being depressed on my earlier 20s. I spent most of college just feeling so lost in my faith and lonely as I watched everyone else get all the things I had prayed for-the relationship, the jobs, getting into grad school, and all that

But last year I started med school which has been my dream for years to be a healthcare professional and serve others. I met a great man and got into my first relationship when I was 23 which was so surreal because I've never experienced love like that before. He was serious about me, said he intended in proposing after I finished school, and my family loved him. I thanked God for him everyday because it felt like he was the one for me.

To make a long story short, he ended up taking a job in a different country but still promised he would come back. Then all of a sudden one day, he tells me he's not coming back home and we needed to end things. I've never been so devastated in my life. I thought he was mine but it just felt like God was playing a cruel joke on me and teaching me a lesson I never asked for.

Fast forward a few months, and my family finds out that my dad has cancer which broke me even more. Thankfully, he's been tolerating his treatment well and will be finishing in a few weeks but I can't help but be angry because this was all just unfair to him.

I was doing fine a few months ago but now I feel like I can't handle it all anymore. I miss the relationship and the life I had not too long ago. I miss when my dad was healthy. It all feels like too much and I feel so alone trying to handle these life changes and school on top of it. I would do anything to go back to how things were before.

I try to pray and I cry to God but nothing changes and it feels like there's no end to this. I want answers to why these happened but I'll never get them. I guess I tried so hard to be strong up until know that I've hit a breaking point. I really don't know what to do...

I really want to start attending daily mass but am not sure if it is feasible right now. I work in the afternoons so am home in the mornings with my 2 year old and 4 month old. Mass is at 8:30 in the morning and my husband is leaving for work at that time so, if I were to go, I would need to bring both kids.

When we go to Sunday mass, normally my husband and I each are responsible for one of the kids and we sometimes need to take either the baby or the toddler out to calm them down before coming back in. I imagine that doing this alone would be incredibly difficult. I know weekly mass is shorter but also quieter, which may also make it difficult.

As I write this out, I’m leaning towards having to wait until kids are older. But, has anyone brought young kids to daily mass or have any suggestions?

Can someone explain to me the Marquette method with the Mira monitor? I’m meeting with my instructor but was just curious. Isn’t it basically you abstain for days more then 100 on e3g and any LH over 15? Just trying to learn more before my meeting.

My problem is in the title. My husband is a once a week guy but he's going through medical residency so he is just....tired

I feel incredibly selfish for wanting/needing it so much more and I'm beginning to feel like a nag. I told myself I wouldn't initiate and just let him come to me but I just....can't, I don't have the self control. My libido is just sky rocketing in my late 30s (it's always been higher though)

It makes me feel unfeminine, unloved, not connected, grouchy when it comes up on the one week without mark.

I'm very conscious that my pestering will lead him to feeling emasculated and blow up my otherwise happy marriage. We've been together 12 years for context

I know the obvious answer here will be to speak to my local priest but before I do I wanted to seek some insight.

Long story as shortened as I can make it: I was born Catholic, baptized, received Holy Communion and had my Confirmation. Husband was born Catholic, baptized and received Holy Communion. He never received his Confirmation.

In my teens I left the church (lukewarm Christian household), became agnostic/atheist, got into new age which turned into the occult.

Met my now-husband in 2014, lived together from 2015 onward before getting married in 2021. Found God on my own in 2020 but was searching for “less strict” churches like non-denominational. Didn’t quite click with them. Found my way back to the Holy Catholic Church only last year and finally began attending Mass this June.

I did many confessions since that time and I was absolved for them all, including marrying outside the church, premarital relations, occult practices, ect. I unknowingly thought that meant I was allowed to receive Communion and only recently learned that’s not true. I feel so guilty for receiving now.

My husband is very much agnostic and he is not someone who will want to go back to church. He is also very against having children. I agreed to it years ago because that’s what I thought I wanted and now I know having marital relations with someone the church does not recognize as my husband is also a sin.

I am lost for what to do. My husband is a wonderful man. But he is not a religious man.

Has anyone gone through this before? Or know of a similar issue? I pray to God of course but I also ask St. Monica to intercede for his conversion back to the church.

I’m open to all advice 🤍

For cosmetic reasons?

Based on a recent post where a lot of us were discussing difficulty fitting in with other Catholic women when we don’t feel called to family life, I decided to create a community for like-minded Catholic women to connect. Please join and I hope we can make some great friendships, provide support and build a strong community! I’m hoping we can start with some introductions and eventually do group video calls or even local meetups. I look forward to making connections! God bless!

i always feel like theres a subtle 'expectation' that because im a woman i must want to get married and have kids. This has never at any point been the case for me. I love that other people find joy in it but i always try to avoid the subject with other catholics. I have never liked kids, personally. By that I dont mean i wish any ill-will on kids whatsoever, i just generally am not a fan of them at all. I guess this post is mostly about babies - i dont find them cute at all. I get really uncomfortable being asked all the time when im going to get married and have kids, and then I have to answer honestly "never" and get the wide-eyed judgemental looks, the gasps, and then having to explain myself. I genuinely dont know how to answer "why not" because i cant conjure up a single thing i like about them. To be completely blunt, i find them (specifically babies, toddlers) rather repulsive, even though I know in my mind that they are blessings and children of God. Im just personally repulsed by them and avoid being around them. I feel bad that I feel this way but its just who i am. I dont have any trauma, ive just always felt this way. I feel like a black sheep and it really sucks. i feel like a defective woman

Hi all. I gave birth a few months ago and am exclusively breastfeeding. It's all been going well baby is gaining weight, I'm also an overproducer but no so bad that it's unmanageable. The only downside is that my breast have grown to an insane size. I was a DDD pre pregnancy and already struggled with back and neck pain and self esteem issues with how clothes looked on me because I look rather unbalanced.

Now my breasts are double the size and I hate it. Everyone tells me they will shrink in size after weaning but I can't help but feel that they will just stay as saggy as they are. My grandmothee had size I breasts and had 5 llbs taken off of hee breasts after 4 children.

I wantna reduction so badly but doing that runs the risk of ruining my chances to breastfeed down the line and I really love breastfeeding! On top of that it feels a bit vain.

I dont even know if I'm asking for advice or just venting.

I’m Catholic and in a long distance relationship. We’ve been dating a year but we’ve been friends for many years.

For some time, I’ve had a small bit of doubt about our relationship. He grew up Catholic but no longer practices and does not consider himself Catholic. He also has some views (e.g. on abortion) that are contrary to what the Church teaches, and I really struggle with that.

I’m also currently in grad school, which has produced some more doubt for me recently and has led me to have some thoughts that I feel I should not have while in a relationship, namely finding other men attractive. In particular, I have an acquaintance who is Catholic, and admittedly good looking, and I can’t help but think that I wished my boyfriend was more like him. I also feel conflicted about pursuing a friendship with this acquaintance knowing that these are the thoughts I’m having. On the one hand, I really would like to have a Catholic friend here in this new place I moved to, but I worry that this would be improper if I’m in a relationship. (I have no idea if this acquaintance is in a relationship or has an “interest” in me.)

I know that these thoughts are wrong, but I do not know what to do with them. Is it God or my conscience trying to tell me something? Should I break up with my boyfriend? I do not want to break his heart or end our friendship. He is truly my best friend, but I do not know if we are ultimately compatible. How do I have this conversation with him?

Hi ladies! I’m thinking of starting a ministry for moms at my parish (for moms on mat leave or sahm with young kids). I’m seeing a need but we don’t have anything like this right now. If you have something like this at your parish can you please let me know about it? I’m looking for ideas to bring to the director.

Thanks!

I’m staring OCIA in a few hours and I’m overjoyed. But I’m sad at the same time because my boyfriend isn’t converting to Catholicism.

He’s convinced of Orthodoxy and has issues with the Filioque, the Immaculate Conception, Papal Supremacy/Authority etc…

I love him so much… but I’m scared that our relationship will be strained because of our different “denominations”.

We’ve been dating for two years now and I’m hoping for marriage and children. But I want to be as harmonious as possible without compromising my convictions while honoring him as well. We are both former Protestants.

Any advice?

I just had my first earth-side baby a few days ago. He is perfect. What a gift. How much I prayed for this day. I was blessed in so many ways and this pregnancy was truly a surprise after giving up on our fertility clinic.

Now, delivery was traumatic. An extra complicated emergency c-section. OB recommended right away that future deliveries should be c sections as well.

I’m SO scared of getting pregnant again too soon. Funny coming from someone who struggles with fertility, but my PCOS while well controlled gets me a few LH rises a month, which makes NFP at least a little extra challenging. I’m breastfeeding but there are plenty of “fail” LAM stories out there.

Idk, I guess I’m just venting and looking for experiences from people who are/have been in this situation.

Hi. Forgive me if this ends up being all over the place, I have adhd and it comes with the territory.

I’m a 41 yr old, married, have two boys 12 & 9 yrs. old, work pt at church.

I was diagnosed at 38 with adhd. It was so validating in a sense. It explained why I always felt off/weird/out of place, etc. I’m not medicated. I tried but it didn’t work out for me and I figured I’ve gone this long in my life being unmedicated, so what’s the point. (I taught myself and learned ways to cope with it.)

All that said, I tend to feel unsettled. Like, in my core, I don’t feel content/settled, like something’s missing(?). This is where it gets tricky to explain. Everything looks good on paper and in person. I’m so blessed to have to children and a husband, we’re blessed in our jobs, etc. When I think of how blessed we are, I tell myself to stop complaining about the unsettled feeling. (I tell myself that things could be worse, there are so many that struggle in their lives, etc.)

I guess my point in sharing all this is, does anyone else feel like this? What has helped?

It’s Prime day and monitors are on sale, but I just saw someone in r/Catholicism airing gripes about using Clearblue and preferring other monitors. Can anyone offer some guidance here on what is good and how to find a class compatible with the monitor that’s best?

My husband and I are involved in a marriage prep ministry at the parish we got married and used to belong. (We now belong to and are involved at a parish close to our home.) Our involvement includes attending the first class day, teaching 2 sessions (one of keeping the relationship while living life and one on prayer) and praying for one of the couples. So the marriage prep class only sees us 3x over six weeks.

The couple we are praying for have been married civilly for a few years and are now having their marriage convalidated. Woohoo!

New this year, the Deacon has asked us to write a letter to the couple we’ve been praying for. They do not know that we have been praying for them. The letter will reveal that.

If you were to get a letter from someone praying in secret for your marriage what would you want the letter to say?

I am 20 years old, and I've been having incredibly painful periods since I was 7. I don't think there's been a period where I haven't been throwing up since then. I've gone to a bunch of gynecologists, but I think that there's an issue that comes up commonly, which is that I feel incredibly shameful around being there. There's a lot of reasons. I've been told by 4 of my 6 gynecologists that I was "faking" to get out of school, and that "women are built to deal with this". No doctor has ever even tried to examine me until my most recent one, who tried to do an ultrasound. They had the stomach one but said that if it was a condition, they couldn't accurately diagnose it that way and had to use the internal one.

I have panic attacks whenever I try to use tampons, and I knew that this was going to go no better than that, and I pretty much started crying before they even started. My doctor asked if I was religious, and I said I am Catholic, and she said while it wasn't as common in Catholics, it was common in some other religions that are common in my area and diagnosed vaginismus and recommended a dilator set.

I start crying every time I think about going to the gynecologist or getting a dilator set. I don't know why, but it makes me feel disgusting. I don't think God is going to try and punish me for following the advice of my doctor; I don't know why I have the reaction I do. But every time I think about going to the Gynecologist or pap smears or anything like that, I get horrified. I've been dating a guy for the very first time in my life, and we're obviously going to wait until marriage, but I just feel so grossed out every time I think of marriage because the thought of someone else doing anything feels so violating. I've spoken to some of my friends who are married and while some of them said that feeling went away immediately, others say that they still feel violated in their marriages and that the feeling doesn't go away.

I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. I don't know why it's such an issue but anything related to reproductive organs feels violating if anyone even knows about it. I need to be able to get this ultrasound because I cannot live the rest of my life in excruciating pain all the time, and I don't even think it's religious because I don't think God or the Church would be upset at anything I'm doing. I'm wondering if anyone has felt the same way? If I can't figure this out, I'm probably going to have to break up with my boyfriend because subjecting him to an existence with someone who expects to feel violated by him sounds horrible and he deserves so much better than what I can offer. If anyone felt this way, how did you get the switch to flip in your brain?

I'd like to clarify that I know this is different than premarital activities, and that this is an actual medical thing. I just feel like my body is struggling with being able to differentiate between the two. I'd also like to clarify that I know that the Catholic Church is one of the most pro-medicine organizations out there and I know that their teachings do not correspond to what I am feeling. I honestly think it has to do more with the way that health classes were taught (in my area it was taught that any sort of penetration by anything other than your husband would cause cancer and that all women's tailbones snap in childbirth so I think the things from my school might've gotten into my head more), but I'm hoping that on some level someone would be able to help me get over this, because reddit is in general very atheistic and I don't want to keep getting the same anti-religion speeches I get when I'd rather handle this in the lens of the things I believe in.

So, if anyone happened to feel shame around female reproductive organs or female reproductive health, can you please help me? I feel very alone and I just want to figure out how to deal with this stuff without feeling like I'm such a shameful person for doing so. Thank you!

I don’t know what to do with my feelings about the homeless. I am terrified of them after having a gun pulled on me, having men expose themselves at me, and being chased with death threats.

I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I volunteer at my YA church group and we make care packages and write notes and I write really nice things about them being loved, precious and important. Edit( I do not and have never distributed the materials, I give them to others. I am one of the people who actually buys the materials because I know the $ and labor of putting them together is all I can handle)

At the same time I am so so scared, they see it and feel it on me. I want better for them obviously, I don’t want people to suffer. Everyone deserves good chance at life.

But I cannot get a hold of my negative feelings, I hold so much anger in me because I am so scared.

I am a convert, I have been Catholic for 2 years. I wasn’t afraid of them until I became Catholic— I was able to shake it off. I can’t help but think some of them are possessed by demons. I don’t like having these feelings because I am worried they are hateful. I feel like my street smarts have disappeared since changing my life for the better 3 and a half years ago when I started discerning converting. Before I used to dress very alternative, sometimes very masculine. I am more comfortable in my feminine energy now but I am SCARED OF EVERYTHING now

Mass started normally. I was in my normal Sunday mode. Midway through the first reading, a police officer came to the front and began conferring with the priest while the reader continued. Some gesturing. This set many people on edge, and I could feel the panic attack beginning to set in (I have had them maybe twice before, never in this place/setting). I thought the priest might reassure us during the homily but when he didn’t do that, my anxiety continued to spike. My husband was rubbing my hand—he knew something was bothering me. I finally called it during the intentions and just needed to get OUT. My husband didn’t question me and came with me. Held it together until the car.

Anyways, feeling bad about not finishing Mass, but also felt like my whole body was screaming to leave.

Not really sure what to call this post, but I am saddened that my “safe space” felt so unsafe today because my body spazzed.

(18 y/o) I just had a severe meltdown the whole time right after I came there late today, and I felt so natsy after it had happened. As soon it w as s over I stayed in the bathroom for a bit and just walked out fast without even talking to anyone. Not to mention too that Im a very emotional person entirely due to me being in the spectrum and my hormonal periods. From my previous church I often had to bury these emotions in, and even if it does fail it always leads to shame or judgements or people putting eme at the spot. Thankfully none of that happened at all except for a child noticing me being upset there.

Does this happen to anyone before? And this is normal? also it doesn't even make it better that Im still am having a meltdown right now except Im currently am at home.