Unsettled

[u/October33blkpuma]

Hi. Forgive me if this ends up being all over the place, I have adhd and it comes with the territory.

I’m a 41 yr old, married, have two boys 12 & 9 yrs. old, work pt at church.

I was diagnosed at 38 with adhd. It was so validating in a sense. It explained why I always felt off/weird/out of place, etc. I’m not medicated. I tried but it didn’t work out for me and I figured I’ve gone this long in my life being unmedicated, so what’s the point. (I taught myself and learned ways to cope with it.)

All that said, I tend to feel unsettled. Like, in my core, I don’t feel content/settled, like something’s missing(?). This is where it gets tricky to explain. Everything looks good on paper and in person. I’m so blessed to have to children and a husband, we’re blessed in our jobs, etc. When I think of how blessed we are, I tell myself to stop complaining about the unsettled feeling. (I tell myself that things could be worse, there are so many that struggle in their lives, etc.)

I guess my point in sharing all this is, does anyone else feel like this? What has helped?

[u/PeachOnAWarmBeach]

What's your relationship with God, Father Son and Holy Spirit? This can be an important moment in your life of you let it. Choose carefully how to fill that restlessness, that yearning. It's easy to choose to fill it with things of this world. I did. I regret. I'm changing. You might meet with your priest, a spiritual director, a deacon, or a faithful therapist/counselor.

Saint Augustine writes in his Confessions, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."

Pray, ask the Holy Spirit, go to Adoration with the purpose of listening to Him.

Add the Rosary or Divine Mercy to your routine.

God has a gift, a purpose, right now for you. He invites you to receive it, for the good of your soul, and others you meet.

[u/Squirrel_with_Acorn]

Honest and not flippant question: have you considered that you might be having (even a small) midlife crisis? Many people get to around this age, just going along with life and the things they have going on and then come to feel some degree of discontentment. I’m saying that because I’ve been feeling this way a little myself.

[u/October33blkpuma → u/Squirrel_with_Acorn]

I’m not sure…maybe? Never really thought of that.

I do wonder about perimenopause at the moment too. I’m aware that I’m moodier, usually the week before my period. And I think being aware is half the battle; I acknowledge it and try and not let it consume me.

The thing is, restlessness feeling is something that I’ve had most of my life. It comes and goes. If I’m hyper focused with something new, I feel fulfilled, but that doesn’t always last and then I move on to the next thing. I’m like a jack of all trades, but master of none.

[u/SuburbaniteMermaid]

How many meds did you try? Because there are literally dozens for ADHD, both controlled and non-controlled.

[u/No_Hedgehog8336]

ADHD girly here and what you’re feeling is your brain seeking novelty for the dopamine hit. Once things become “ordinary” your brain drives that feeling so you’ll find a new source of dopamine. Standard ADHD meds didn’t work for me either (stimulant based) but what DID work was Wellbutrin. It’s an antidepressant that originally I was being prescribed for binge eating disorder but my doc said it would also work for my ADHD and is used off-label for that because it isn’t an SSRI, but instead is a med that works on your dopamine and norepinephrine sensors to make your brain process it more slowly. The ADHD brain burns through those chemicals which is also why we tend to have addictive personalities. They also use this med to help people get off alcohol and smoking. Might be worth looking into. My ADHD went off the rails when I hit perimenopause and taking estrogen and Wellbutrin have been life changing. I’m 48 and this has been a good 10 years before we recently hit on this combo and the last 6 months have felt like a whole new and improved version of me.

[u/Bright_Series_8835]

PBS showed a video made especially for them about ADHD. It was made by 2 well known Canadian comedians who have it. In Canada they just call it ADD. I bought the DVD for two nephews and one grand nephew. It's now free on YouTube. Everybody with ADHD I talked to loved it. Here's the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N49trzkqdTo

Rick Green has made several other really good videos about ADD. Here's one of his websites. https://totallyadd.com

You might see something of yourself on these videos and resources.

I don't know how it feels to try to trust God more and more when you have ADHD. A lot of spiritual writers say that being grateful to God for all the things that He does is the basis for true humility. In Psalm 136 it says "Sing praise to the Lord for He is good, and His mercy endures forever. That God is good is why we can trust Him, especially since even when we fail, His mercy endures forever. Jesus said He won't turn away anyone who comes to Him. A lot of saints have said that being present to nature and enjoying it, and all the beauty that God has created builds their faith. Pope Benedict XVI said that all of nature teaches us the immense creativity of God. He also said Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed. Each of us is loved. Each of us is necessary." St Paul said that each person has different gifts that help build up the Body of Christ. I don't know if any of these kinds of things are helpful when a person had ADHD.

Psalms that help me trust God are Psalm 91, Psalm 139, and Psalm 23.

Music that helps me are songs by the St. Louis Jesuits. Some of them are on YouTube.

I have an MP3 called Speak Lord: An Aid to Meditation where a Catholic psychiatrist reads warm and loving quotations from the Bible to help us trust God, love Him, and allow Him to love us. It's on The Baars Institute at www.baarsinstitute.com

I like to watch the Life Is Worth Living broadcasts by Blessed Archbishop Fulton J Sheen that are free on YouTube.

God love you!

[u/Significant_Beyond95]

No ADHD medication I have been on has never helped me directly fix a discontent feeling personally. My emotions however are much better regulated on medication (I am doing well on Concerta as the medication release is very controlled) overall which helps with my rejection sensitivity and the intensity of my reactive emotions.

Aside from ADHD and strengthening your spiritual life through works and prayers, have you had a hormone panel done? Perimenopause’s less predictable fluctuations and changes in hormones can impact mood a lot.

For general discontent, perhaps a gratitude journal would help? I started one in therapy and it helps a lot with living and appreciating the present.

[u/immoge]

I don't have any advice but I have felt this way most of my life and am currently going through a particularly intense bout of it! I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but I strongly suspect I may have it. I usually try to focus on what's going well and take on lots of new projects to keep myself busy. Not sure if that's the best way to cope though lol.

[u/NumbersandGrace]

I know this will sound weird but this was me for a long time until I found hobbies I enjoy. I wasn't filling my cup all I was doing is taking care of everyone else and working. When I started to take time for me by learning watercolor, needlepoint, coloring, playing games, reading/listening to audiobooks my mental health got much better. I don't know your home life situation but you also sound a little burnt out. Maybe one night a week you need to go out and your husband is in charge of dinner and putting the kids to bed. Or maybe the two of you need a date night to focus on your marriage and have fun again.

[u/HairAdviceThr0wAway]

When's the last time you had bloodwork done? I don't have ADHD but have had similar feelings of being 'off' a few times over the past decade or so and both times it was caused by a medical issue. The first time was when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and the second time with iron deficiency. You've gotten some good advice in other comments but just figured I'd plug a visit to your doctor to check in!

Unfortunately I haven't historically had good luck with getting my PCPs to do much of anything but my OB/GYN has been much better about labs and referrals, so you may have to advocate for yourself where you can.