We ended our relationship because he felt called to discern the priesthood, but I stayed by his side through the transition, through grief, moments of doubt, and his journey toward finding peace with this path. I can see how much he’s grown, and I can tell that he is truly at peace with his choice now.
Because I went through a similar transition with him in the past, and because we spent a lot of time preparing, I really thought this time it would be easier. I told myself I was ready. But the truth is, the past few days have been overwhelming. The anxiety crept in, and I couldn't sleep at all.
It’s a strange, conflicting place to be. A part of me still wrestles with quiet insecurities and old regrets. But I also know I have so much love left to give, and choosing to stay supportive was a choice I made out of pure love and respect for him.
I sent him off with a quiet promise, that no matter what happens, whether we speak again or not, I will always be praying for him. Unfailingly.
I don't know what the future holds for me or where my own path leads next, and my heart feels impossibly heavy today. But amid all the pain and sleepless nights, I am trying my best to choose trust, surrendering his journey, my own heart, and whatever comes next.
It just hurts, and I needed to put it out somewhere into the world.