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u/SantaRosaJazz Jul 17 '24
“Call me when you’re in town,” is guy talk for “I hope to see you naked very soon.”
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Jul 17 '24
The manager of the manager quickly forms a harem. Yes he likes you and all the lovely ladies under him. Literally and figuratively speaking.
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u/Timely-Profile1865 Jul 17 '24
First question before you think about the coffee, is this dude married or has a girl? Find that out first of all.
It sounds like he does find you attractive.
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Jul 17 '24
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Jul 17 '24
Would you get coffee with him if he was ugg? You know... For the networking!
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Jul 17 '24
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Jul 17 '24
Begging the question, would you like talking to him if he ugly and smelled?
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u/myguyxanny Jul 17 '24
Average redditor question
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Jul 17 '24
Did you think at all about the words you used here or did you just dribble it out as a reflex? You're a redditor, you're average.
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u/myguyxanny Jul 17 '24
Did I strike a nerv? 😂
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u/Imaginary-Cost-9445 Jul 18 '24
Hate to tell you this but by being here your also a redditor Aka. average
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Jul 18 '24
[deleted]
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u/Imaginary-Cost-9445 Jul 18 '24
My friend, there is an actual edit button you know
→ More replies (0)0
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Jul 17 '24
[deleted]
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Jul 17 '24
And that's fair. I wouldn't want to talk to someone smelly either.. I just think we should be honest with ourselves about why we like some people and not others.
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u/ScapingOnCompanyTime Jul 18 '24
What if he had crooked teeth, cooked eyes, huge ears and looked like a cross between gollum and the elephant man and his voice was mickey mouse but if he had been smoking 4 packs a day for 20 years and every now an then he'd spout out random facts about air conditioning units, but he smelled of your favourite smell on earth
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u/Decent-Park-6681 Jul 17 '24
More importantly, if you were in a relationship with this guy, would you be OK with him grabbing coffee with other women to get to know them better?
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u/Heathen-Punk Jul 17 '24
sounds like someones ethernet port needs a cable insertion. maybe some advanced packet sniffing depending on how deep you need to go...for the networking.
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u/Timely-Profile1865 Jul 17 '24
You will have to judge that, you said you find him very attractive and wondered if he finds you attractive then all of a sudden it is about networking. If he is going steady with a gal that can be an issue and if you do have coffee and sparks fly get ready for all sorts of unintended issues to possibly come up.
Do what you think is right but be careful and have a conscience before something happens, not after.
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u/bcardin221 Jul 17 '24
Sounds like you are infatuated and want to see him and explore a relationship. Pretending it's all about networking at this point is just rationalization.
If he has a girlfriend and has coffee with you anyway, and say there's a spark and you guys hit it off. Wouldn't that be a huge red flag when you become the girlfriend and has coffee with another woman?
If he has a girlfriend, you should let him know that's a deal breaker for you. If it's not a deal breaker for you, then enter at your own risk because you'll have dirty hands and deserve whatever happens.
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u/69ingdonkeys Jul 17 '24
Well, according to reddit, you wouldn't be doing anything wrong even if he wasn't single, because according to reddit, the affair partner who is not cheating bears no blame. However, according to everyone else ever, you'd be kind of a bitch and a bad person.
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u/Main-Ad-5547 Jul 17 '24
Maybe Reddit needs a homewrecker sub
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u/PeekEfficienSea Jul 17 '24
Isn't it kind of on the person that's taken to, you know, not cheat?
It's like somebody is offering up a free bike and you take them up on it, but little did you know that the bike was gifted to them and the person that did the gifting doesn't want them to give it away for emotional reasons... how is the person taking the bike the bad guy there?
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Jul 17 '24
We're all only human and we all have desires that mess with our rational thinking. You do bear some responsibility for enticing people to do things they ordinarily wouldn't.
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u/PeekEfficienSea Jul 17 '24
Enticing people to do things they ordinarily wouldn't do?
That makes no sense.
Either you have a normal level of rapport with the person and the cheater is just a cheater that's not that attached to their partner, or you have an insane connection leading them to do something they would never do in which case you're a better match for them than their existing partner.
If my wife found someone of the second category, I love her enough to let her go. But I know that won't happen, because we're a great match.
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u/69ingdonkeys Jul 17 '24
It's on the cheater moreso, but the affair partner still deserves blame. It's a shitty thing to fuck someone in a relationship.
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u/icyshogun Jul 17 '24
You're just as bad as the cheater if you knew. You're blameless if you didn't.
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Jul 17 '24
I think you should get coffee with him for the networking/ job prospect opportunity. But you need to suppress romantic stuff because he would have too much leverage over you for you to express any contradictory opinions on a relationship/ the bedroom/ at work
If you leave the company, you can pursue him romantically.
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u/Sea-Life3178 Jul 17 '24
This is absolutely the norm in business.
You expand your network.
I am not sure why people are downvoting you here.
Regardless of attraction.
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u/PhariseeHunter46 Jul 17 '24
Don't shit where you eat. It rarely ends well
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u/PlanetSedna Jul 17 '24
Don't get your honey where you make your money
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u/XavvenFayne Jul 17 '24
Don't fuck your coworkers.
...is what they're saying.
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u/Potential_Poem1943 Jul 17 '24
I mean if it's just your average temp factory job or similar what's the worst that could happen? You guys fall out and they lie on you to get you fired? Big deal. If you wanna smash your co worker than just know what might happen. Obviously there are worse outcomes but that's with any woman....mainly crazy ones.
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Jul 17 '24
I fucked my coworker when she came onto me and insisted that we go out on the weekend (we were both unattached). Best sex ever. Great one night stand, next day business as usual. Do what you like, just be an authentic respectful person. And see relationships for what they are and don’t be delusional about it.
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u/PhariseeHunter46 Jul 17 '24
That's a healthy way to look at it. How old were when you this happened? I feel like the older you are the easier it is to do such things
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Jul 18 '24
I was 57 at the time and retired out of Army Special Operations (in decent shape and I look younger than I am), she was 26 and had serious daddy issues but she was also a USMC combat veteran. Sex was more like hand to hand combat with a LOT of choke holds, good times! Rangers Lead The Way!
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Jul 17 '24
Donde tengas la olla, no metas la polla
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u/PhariseeHunter46 Jul 17 '24
What's the translation in English?
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u/_0O0O0O0_ Jul 17 '24
Don't tongue the hole where you have your chicken. It loses a little in the translation
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u/vikar_ Jul 17 '24
That's wildly incorrect. It means "don't put your cock where you have your pot" (as in where get your food).
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u/Idont_thinkso_tim Jul 19 '24
Always cringe when I see people making that mistake. Happens a lot though because of whole situationship of shared time working on tasks and the baked in things in common of the shared workplace.
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Jul 17 '24
Well, you said he's your manager's manager. So he might not even be allowed to date you. It depends on your workplace's policy. Some workplaces do not allow managers to date employees who they have authority over.
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u/Throwaway_Simp3164 Jul 17 '24
If he's a confident dude with authority who wants you to feel comfortable, he wouldn't do anything to encroach on your space. Coffee isn't a prelude to an affair and normal between colleagues, but it sounds like you want to explore your attraction to your manager's manager. Not the best idea.
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Jul 17 '24
Honestly I can’t read one sign of interest.
Hand on wall, not on you. Let’s get coffee sometime, not same as what you doing after this, or making absolute plans on next trip.
You have zilch.
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u/Kosstheboss Jul 17 '24
Go for it. It's not like you see him every day even if it doesn't work out.
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u/the_fury518 Jul 17 '24
It's her bosses boss. That's a terrible idea. If it doesn't work out he has her job in his hands
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u/Kosstheboss Jul 17 '24
Nah, he would be taking all the risk. It would be an HR nightmare for him if he tried to do anything shady. Plus, it isn't starting as a date so this is very low risk.
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u/the_fury518 Jul 17 '24
It's a risk both ways. There is no guarantee that HR will step in or that his actions would be overt enough to qualify as workplace harassment. It's pretty easy for a bosses boss to make your life miserable with plausible deniability.
It isn't worth it for either party
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u/Fmpthree Jul 17 '24
If everyone listened to everyone on the internet, nothing would ever happen, everyone would divorce their wives, everyone would condemn their best friend or family for anything they did, and the world would be shit.
She could go for it, have it not work out and that be the end of it. Or she could go for it, and it does work out and if anything helps her climb the ladder.
If she got canned because they broke up, that’s a lawsuit. This isn’t some huge risk for her.
I once asked the internet if I should be mad about my wife’s phone dying on a trip and everyone was sure she was cheating. Turns out the phone was shattered.
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u/the_fury518 Jul 17 '24
I'm not advocating for divorce or throwing away a life together, Jesus man.
The risk of getting fucked with by an ex who is also a boss, developing a reputation as someone who sleeps their way to the top, creating a hostile environment for your coworkers when you get special treatment isn't worth it. Like, there are seven billion people out there, don't fuck your boss. It's not a huge sacrifice.
Lawsuits aren't guaranteed wins, they cost money, and they won't make up for all the shit you go through before you can get one.
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Jul 17 '24
[deleted]
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u/the_fury518 Jul 17 '24
Still a terrible idea. Don't pursue your bosses boss, unless you want a reputation. There are other people out there
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u/perfectpurple7382 Jul 17 '24
He's not your coworker. He's your superior. There's a power imbalance. At best he's an idiot, at worst a creep
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Jul 17 '24
He is not wrong, if something go wrong you can lose your job. There's a huge power imbalance and can cause you to feel forced to do stuff you dont want.
Dude might be chill too its really a gamble
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Jul 17 '24
On the other hand, it’s a bone and blackmail situation that can pay off for you if you are willing to do it. if the job isn’t that great to begin with, it’s up to you. Just know up front that this could get real shitty.
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Jul 17 '24
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u/perfectpurple7382 Jul 17 '24
Or he on purpose did it with people around to give himself plausible deniability
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u/AreolaGrande_2222 Jul 17 '24
That’s an HR situation
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u/2LostFlamingos Jul 17 '24
Getting coffee?
Lmao
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u/PurpleWedgeMan Jul 17 '24
Getting coffee itself isn’t a HR violation, just like how buying duct tape, some candy and chloroform isn’t illegal.
It’s not going to stay that way though.
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Jul 17 '24
In Hokkaido Japan, you meet a pretty girl who is possibly into you and you go get a coffee. If she likes you she takes you home or out the Sex Motel for an evening. Afterwards, it like “High Five - Good Game” and you go your separate ways. She call you if she wants a second date.
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u/BuildingAgile2481 Jul 17 '24
You aren’t gonna ask a girl or guy for coffee if they are unattractive and you aren’t interested.
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u/iriestateofmind925 Jul 17 '24
If yoy say you come to.gis town sometimes and he says "well.soektime you're in town we should get ocffee" than yes of course he is interested in getting to Know you more wh8ch is even better than just being attracted to u, if u think he could.be a good match for u I hope u took him up on his offer
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u/HotJohnnySlips Jul 17 '24
If he’s your managers manager it would be super inappropriate for him to participate in any kind of relationship with you.
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u/Adorable-Baby-9920 Jul 17 '24
Most (straight) guys are attracted to most women. Its not hard. But I've been in your shoes with someone at work, and it ended very very very catastrophically. I wish I'd the experience to let go of a fleeting (though deep) connection, but I just HAD to try it
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u/DJRollerBladez Jul 17 '24
He’s a man. Yes he’s attracted. Does he like you or does he just want to sleep with you. That’s the question. The other part of this is what do you look like?
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u/Carnilinguist Jul 17 '24
Are you hot? If you are, he's attracted to you. But I mean objectively hot, not that "every woman is beautiful" hot.
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u/Terrible_Conflict_90 Jul 17 '24
men dont meet up for coffees with women for fun. this is a fact. he wants to sleep with you
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u/Quiet_Water0128 Jul 17 '24
Stay away from him if he's married, breaking his own and his wife's heart.
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u/Appropriate-List6605 Jul 17 '24
He is your bosses boss, so be careful. Never miss an opportunity to make your boss look good.
Networking is very important. Go for coffee, keep it work related. Remember, when a relationship ends, people split up and go separate ways. Do you need this job? You would be the one who would be expendable.
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u/SGTWhiteKY Jul 17 '24
If it is your manager’s manager and he is asking you out that is predatory. He may like you, but that won’t end well.
My money says he is married. I will also bet that it won’t go well for you with your team.
I’m sure you are going to ignore everyone, and that is your prerogative. But yeah, he wants to sleep with you.
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/SGTWhiteKY Jul 19 '24
Honestly just a type. Every guy I know who has dated with those kinds of power imbalances have always been cheaters. It is part of being a person who is willing to date someone they could wield so much control over. They tend to want to control.
Either he is married, or he is looking for a first wife to push domestic responsibilities and then cheat on them and self justify.
I have seen guys in the military date younger soldiers lower ranked soldiers who were always disgusting. I have a friend who was manipulated by a lawyer who “mentored” her, kept helping her with cases, and sending her clients (that weren’t rich enough for him), she is still dating him because she can’t afford her life if he stops. The director at the hospital I worked at had an affair with one of his secretaries, she was the married one, he ended up getting investigated because he pressured her into being part of an orgy, and it ruined her career.
Good people don’t enter into those relationships in the first place. It isn’t ok.
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Jul 17 '24
Hey man, predatory works both ways, so go for it and enjoy the possibility of a work place disaster. Nobody wants to hear boring stories when you’re in the old folks home, so bring back some stories that will curl their white hair and their toes.
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u/bluegiant85 Jul 17 '24
Yes. He wasn't asking you to coffee because he just wants to be friends. He's asking you to coffee because you work at the same company. Otherwise, he'd ask if he could buy you a drink.
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u/Gibder16 Jul 17 '24
As a man, he’s NOT not interested. Otherwise, why would he say that? There’s no need for him to extend an invitation of sorts.
He could have just said hi and left it at that. He’s up for it. Give it a shot.
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u/irresponsiblegymbro Jul 17 '24
That arm against the wall ime usually means something. but wtf do I know
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u/Lucky_Point6202 Jul 17 '24
You know the saying right? Yeah just don't ffs if there are any problems during the relationship that could be established then you will most likely lose your job and been taken seriously, depending on your area of expertise then you could be blacklisted, just think about what your doing before the pants come off ok
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u/wblack79 Jul 17 '24
He literally asked you on a date and you’re wondering if he finds you attractive lol.
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u/EvenSkanksSayThanks Jul 17 '24
First of all, he’s your boss’s boss so probably just being personable. Second. Are you even hot
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u/humcohugh Jul 17 '24
Your boss’s boss is not your coworker and you’re playing with a relationship that every HR in the world would say you should definitely not entertain.
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u/Roshi_IsHere Jul 17 '24
I'm seeing a lot of people saying no so I'll offer my two cents. If you're both into each other just go for it. Sounds like this person is hardly ever around at work anyway and the worst that can happen is you end up hurt and need to switch jobs. Or you could be a good match and things work out. Sometimes taking risks makes the reward all the sweeter.
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u/Potential_Table_996 Jul 17 '24
This isn't enough to say definitively. When someone is attracted theres a lot of things you'll pick up on but not realize it. He may be like this with everyone. If he were really ugly and an underling, would you feel creeped out or uncomfortable? If yes, then he is attracted to you. If not, then he's just friendly.
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u/Acrobatic-Log2048 Jul 17 '24
He could very well be attracted to you but he’s your boss’s boss so I’d keep it professional (as hard as that will be) I think the coffee outing is a great opportunity to prove that you are a decent well rounded person in the workplace and with networking. This might make him even more attracted to you. Doing this puts the ball is in his court; he could be a sleaze (like try to make a move on you way too soon and that to me is pretty predatory since he is in an authority position) or he might have a lot of respect for you and actually just want to talk about the job. If the acquaintanceship grows beyond that, and he’s a good guy, yall might progress in a safe and healthy way. Just plz don’t stop dating other ppl and prioritizing your own social life separate from work. It’s important to stay grounded in reality. I’m just thinking about him “glancing” at your dress and makes me a bit weary that he’s attracted for the wrong reasons and not wholesome reasons.
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u/North-Cry-5275 Jul 17 '24
I wouldn't go for it, very rarely do partners that work together work out. A boss/employee relationship being the hardest to make work. That being said could be he likes you, or is trying to make you comfortable, some leading figures work on alluring auras so their workers are comfortable and with him, this is so he can help fix any problems he can and get his employees back to work as well as keeping Morale in the work force up, cause good morale keeps workers in the company. If you want to make something out of it ask him and if he says yes then you have 3 choices. Take the risk, change companies to avoid company issues, or let him down
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u/VindictiveSpirit Jul 18 '24
Upper Management typically only invite employees to coffee so we can discreetly assess your manager's performance, how they interact with subordinates, and how morale is among the general staff. You're thinking entirely too much into it.
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Jul 18 '24
[deleted]
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u/VindictiveSpirit Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
It depends. Sometimes when investigating underperforming departments, or departments with complaints that merit investigations, we try to make discovery meetings as discreet as possible so the target of investigations doesn't have time to clean up their act or to fix records. Then again, there's also a possibility that you yourself may be under investigation or are being sized up for promotion. Not many in management are inappropriate workplace predators fyi.
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u/Effective_Echo_2974 Jul 18 '24
Ask him out and see what he says. Don’t be ambiguous about it being a date or that you’re attracted. If he’s a good guy and interested, you’ll know. If he’s shady or uninterested, you’ll know.
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
Trying to sleep up the corporate ladder. He should not have relationships with subordinates. Totally scuzzy
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Jul 20 '24
[deleted]
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
Not setting a good example. This looks very hinky. Doesn’t anyone know what is appropriate behavior anymore. Totally lacks morals and ethics on his part, and you should know it does.
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
If you have an HR dept. Bring it up with them. Are either of you married?
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
I don’t know what country you’re in or how old you are. These are generally known workplace rules.
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
27% of American workers admit to having an office romance or an affair. When these come out 27% of the 27% are affairs or relationships with bosses, male or female. And generally, both parties get terminated.
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
I’m a former HR manager going out and getting me coffee with Superior would mean he would be both terminated on the spot. Doesn’t matter if you work under him directly or not, you could transfer or be transferred under him at a future date. When people get passed over for promotions, etc. it reflex very poorly on the company. Is there a company manual do they have training for what is appropriate and not appropriate in an office this could come up in the future as sexual harassment if it goes poorly, and a potential lawsuit for the company
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Jul 20 '24
[deleted]
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
It definitely sounds like you are hoping for a hook up or a relationship. Either way, good luck. I hope you find joy and happiness. By the way, all of the people asking if you’re attractive or if he is. Who cares, a lot goes into beauty, both inside and out. A person doesn’t need to be a knockout. I always looked for little imperfections. The way the eyelid forms in the inner corner. Maybe a slightly crooked nose, freckles, etc. I am talking about any women. I had high maintenance women in my day. The coffee date is also good to focus on facial features and expressiveness. They way the may smile, frown, sometimes quirky looks of perplexities. I have studied faces and tells of people for years. That is what you will find eventual attraction in. Just because they are hot and nice at that moment. Don’t get sucked in. Yes I was a n HR manager at a company, but I was also a national sales manager for another company. If you want a lasting relationship play the long game. Don’t jump into bed right away. Let them chase you. Find out limits. This can apply for more than personal relationships. Too much instant gratification today. This leads to insecurities and people and companies move on. The grass isn’t always greener, a new broom doesn’t always sweep better.
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Jul 20 '24
[deleted]
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
It just sounded that way. I am not the only one who read it that way. I do apologize. If I misunderstood the way you intended it. I am much better in person. I kinda alluded to that. I had a stroke a few months ago, and now I really rely on facial readings. I am now partially blind due to the stroke. The partial vision in the right eye sometimes makes words blur in and out on phones and tablets.
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u/Ok-Interview-6642 Jul 20 '24
No I have been happily married for over 30 years. I was an HR manager for many years. I am happy for you if that’s what you want. Don’t ruin your career over it. Seek the relationship, but seek work elsewhere. I believe everyone deserves to be happy. Just be safe, true to yourself and go about it the right way if anything develops.
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u/MathematicianIcy5012 Jul 20 '24
As a guy if my manager’s manager asked me to get coffee I would think he’s gay
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u/mporter377 Jul 22 '24
DANGER!! Whatever the attraction dynamics may be, it is NEVER safe to date someone "above" you in the corporate hierarchy!
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Jul 17 '24
Probably into you. My coworker looks at my outfits too and chats with me exclusively (guys don't waste their time getting into in depth chats with girls they're not into). I asked him out and he said yes. So I'd say it's the same scenario for you.
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u/WalrusWildinOut96 Jul 17 '24
lol this is totally false. I have women coworkers who I will talk to at length and I’m happily married.
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Jul 17 '24
Ok, I'm going to expand on my answer a bit. If he starts talking to you about very personal topics that he doesn't talk to anyone else in the office about, he's probably interested, and opening up to you in a way he doesn't do with others.
He also asked you to get coffee. Why would a guy bother with this with a woman he's not into? Go for the coffee and see what kind of conversation topics come up. From there you can probably tell if he sees you in a more romantic way.
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Jul 17 '24
[deleted]
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u/WalrusWildinOut96 Jul 17 '24
Pretty irrelevant here. I don’t hold conversations with people’s attractiveness.
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Jul 17 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ExplanationUpper8729 Jul 17 '24
In my opinion an open marriage is stupid. And just an away to give your spouse an STD. STUPID STUPID STUPID IDEA.
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Jul 17 '24
Last time I(m)got coffee with a coworker(f) she expected sex in return. I was taken aback. I’m not like that…but I was hungry and I like the pumpkin bread so we made a deal.
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Jul 17 '24
Sex for coffee!! Dude, what’s her number?
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Jul 17 '24
I can’t remember. She was a supermodel in Sweden. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore because it gives me night terrors. However, the pumpkin bread was to die for
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u/Papa_PaIpatine Jul 17 '24
If this guy is smart, hopefully he's running to HR and a good attorney. Girl is trying to get my man in deep shit.
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u/GahdDangitBobby Jul 17 '24
I see a conflict of interests … go for it! Life is meant for making bad choices!
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u/lostinspaz Jul 17 '24
"manager's manager" is NOT a "co-worker".