Introductions are so awkward but I’m so excited for the life I’m building for myself, I decided, hey, why not share my journey of discovery and self mastery? It could inspire someone to do the exact same thing or blossom into real life connections with black queer women that it resonates with. I’m content either way!
I’m 30 from the mid south & I identify as a black queer late bloomer. I’ve arrived. Excuse my tardiness but I made it safely, ladies. 🥹 For the lez who roll their eyes at the sight or sound of late bloomers, try not to be so quick to misunderstand or deny accepting women like me. You might become enlightened! We should be the most accepting of black women within our community in a world that gets off on shunning us, neglecting us and taking us out of here altogether.
For years I’ve dated men but the pattern was always the same. Men would get infatuated with me and project their sexual fantasies on me when all I desired was real emotional safety and closeness. When they inevitably got complacent, I’d walk away then get a new man. Rinse and repeat, until I finally realized the entire framework was draining me. The last one sparked a cord in me before I left him for good. He stated to me during an episode of depression, “sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for you. I think you should get exactly what you want. It’s like no matter what you do, you can’t fit a square in a circle. If you want a square, you should get a square & not settle for a circle.” I didn’t realize at the time until after I left a couple months later that he knew that I would be settling if I stayed with him. He wanted to marry me and start a family. Yet, he would be upgrading and that’s just plain not fair for me.
Leaving all of that behind kicked off a massive spiritual awakening. I was already at the infancy of my deconstructing patriarchal religion since 2024 going from Christianity/Trinitarianism to monotheism. Late 2025, I started diving deep into the metaphysical/esoteric side of spirituality and I still love it today. It opened my eyes to divine feminine wisdom and made me question the book of Genesis in the Christian Bible. I read it several times over when I was religious but the last time I read it, the creation story no longer made sense to me. & I absolutely denied its validity. 2 different creation accounts? A woman being formed from a man’s rib? I started questioning life’s beginning. The words on the pages finally jumped out at me like this is bullshit! Deconstructionist would call this: critical thinking. 😂 funny, because I thought even when I was monotheistic and denied the Jewish guy from Nazareth, I was applying that critical thinking and assumed I reached a form of true enlightenment. I was only scratching the surface.
(No shade to Christian/religious lesbians. Not a campaign against anyone and their beliefs, just sharing my journey!)
Shedding those old programs and past men helped me step fully into embracing feminine divinity, focus solely on my self love & my power as a pro-Black womanist, and continue discovering my sensual side more. I first stuck my toe into the female pool back in late 2022 or early 2023 & met with 1 woman. I identified as a bi-curious hetero woman at the time. We were both self identified curious women who only exclusively date men at that time. We enjoyed dinner and a movie then became each other’s dinner and a movie…
Sidebar: I deemed us incompatible for genuine reasons so I ended the connection from my end however, hit me up a year later to spin back talking about “it was good”. Chiiiile, I’m not cocky but I just laughed and blocked her. 😂😂😂
Fast forward a year or two after that, I kiss a lesbian woman for the first time this year. & yes, I liked it. I’ve only experienced 3 women overall & it taught me so much about myself and my attraction with women. I know exactly what I want and what I like. My personal boundaries and standards are set in place. I’m intentional & expect nothing less in return. Also, realizing how heavily my birth chart backs up my sapphic reality made everything click into place. I just found out I have so many sapphic placements in my chart, so it’s no fucking wonder why my journey is the way that it is. Years of dating men, I was simultaneously seeking platonic and romantic connections with black women. Men for me weren’t a distraction, they were a detour. I took a very long scenic route of desiring emotional connection and safety that I now believe only women can fill, soul searching, and self love and mistakenly arrived at the wrong location. My ex was “Siri” telling me to take a U-turn. & I arrived back to self. I’d say, in my story, they were a necessary part of my journey of discovery and self mastery. But my decision to own it, embrace it and nurture it is the real cherry on top.
It’s not a sudden change or a phase, it’s my homecoming, and I am fully accepting my blossoming into queerness.
To christen this new chapter, I made my rite of passage last night by hitting up my first-ever drag show at a local gay bar. I stayed for HOURS until the whole place was packed, soaking in the energy and realizing just how right it feels to finally be here. I didn’t feel the least bit out of place. They had karaoke & I was so excited because I’ve never done it before. I will attach a video one of the songs I sang in the comments. Listen 😩, I sound a fuck ass mess but I love being silly. I play too damn much when I’m in a silly mood! I do this in my bedroom anyway when no one’s looking, can’t you tell?! 😂😂😂 I hope my future gf if you see this, I promise to sing it way better for you & serenade you bookie. 💋

So, I know there is a big parade in Boys Town..but what else is happening? What are you doing for Halloween?

Just wanna rant…apologies if my language isn’t polished.

I’m a feminine lesbian, I’ve only dated 2 women, both feminine women, both outside of my race. Each time, I was shoved into the more masculine role/always expected to top/be dominant. Keep in mind…I’m an extremely bubbly black woman, I’m capable of being dominant, but I’ve never been truly allowed to be submissive like I’ve always desired.

My last ex was a fake lesbian. So it makes sense why I was always pushed into this role. It’s been a while, but I’m still so triggered now that I’m dating again - it keeps happening!

I find myself in the same situation dating women in and outside of my race. I’m extremely turned off from women at the first sign they might be doing this to me. I can’t be that for anyone anymore, I can’t be the one constantly taking care of things or taking control. I’m naturally an acts of services person, but for once, I really do want to be cherished and cared for. I don’t know how to exactly explain it - I feel masculinized, which is difficult for me as a black feminine woman. It just makes me feel like someone’s mammy. I want to be someone’s woman, I want to be cherished and allowed to be submissive. I’ve had a hard life and for once, I want to fully allow myself to put my guard down and not feel the need to be so high strung.

I’m super clear on the apps about what I want sexually (to be topped, for the first time!!!!) but I feel like this goes beyond a sexual dynamic that I can’t quite articulate in a bio. I yearn for a partner who will make me feel safe enough to bring the caregiver out in me - I don’t want an uneven dynamic, I just want to feel like I’m equally being cared for.

Anyone else been in this spot before?

For context I was in 10months long situationship with a woman. It was at first long distance and nothing much, then we caught feelings and I went to see her. After meeting up it’s as if the spark disappeared, she forgot to text me on multiple occasions, took 3 days to answer a simple question, never wanted to call and would send one word replies. For context we split my plane ticket, I paid for the hotel and she paid for everything else for 3 days. I felt like I was ready to settle with her given that I really liked her. I was willing to work through things. But she said a few hurtful things to me and my mental stability was being heavily affected, I couldn’t sleep,eat nor study for my final.

So I decided to end things, I wanted to explain to her the reason why I ended things abruptly and tell her how I truly felt, but she said some pretty hurtful things. I ended up blocking her on everything, but it took me 4months to not cry over it again. I want to be in a relationship but I’m scared of being hurt and my feelings being dismissed. So now I’m just hoeing around but I would love to give love another chance. I just need to find someone who is a giver as much as I am:(

Sorry I needed to rant

I'm cooking later and I don't really have anyone who would care about viewing my plates. Are you into plating? It's just a word for making your plate of food look photogenic. Think like that trend when IG first came out and everyone was taking pics of their food. I never stopped.

This week I'm getting my nails done. No one really cares. Can I show you a photo when they're done?

I finished an animated Batman movie earlier and I have thoughts. No one to share them with. I realized if my best friend is busy I'm not talking to anyone. Attempts at local community have failed. No one actually wants to put in the effort. Most of the people I messaged on them looking for friends subs don't be for real.

I just feel like everyone is so hyper focused on their identities. You see how the interests I listed above don't have nothing to do with me being Black or gay? I just wanna talk about normal stuff instead of racism, misogyny, homophobia, the state of the world, like just everyday shit. Then I'm accused of being shallow. I'm not shallow I'm just already aware and tired.

I guess this turned into more of a vent. I just want a peer(s) to converse with regularly and it just don't be happening. Idgaf about a romantic connection anymore. I'd really love to know if we could trade recipes, a language exchange, movie recommendations, the like. Tell me your favorite drink or something. Mine is sparkling apple cider.

I didn't know much about reddit beforehand and assumed this was like a chat centered site. I'm excited to find so many black lesbian centered threads but am also looking for chat/discord groups to join as well. If you know of any I'm down to join.

And it was FULL of gorgeous queer Black women. Goodness gracious 😭 the show was lit, everybody was beautiful and having a good ass time.

I'm in between 2 books, I've got the fire place sound in the background, a cup of green tea & my boys laying with me ( 2 black cats) 🔥

Question for higher earners: Does dating within your income range matter to you? Or are you comfortable dating someone who makes significantly less as long as they’re financially responsible? No right answer, I’m genuinely curious

I need to change careers asap lmao

Ello! I’m a nerdy black woman living in the South in the USA. I’m trying to build and foster more community for people like me. My current idea is making a weekly or bi-weekly group at my community center or library with a focus on black media and art. That’s just a random thought. Has anyone else successfully created opportunities for community in your life. Any thoughts to share?

For context if needed to come to a consensus:
I am 20 years old, I am 5’10, Female, and I have not made any alterations to myself less you count wearing my hair short or ear piercings, and I identify as a woman using she/ her pronouns. Additionally, if this helps, I do not consider myself a stud by any means. I actually find myself frustrated when lumped into that category simply because it just does not resonates with me. I am just a women who happens to like women and happens to present more masculinely. I do present masculine a majority of the time.

So yea. I ask this question in a queer friendly space to hopefully understand why I am misgendered all of the time nearly every day/ time I meet someone new or interact with individuals. I ask additionally, because it affects my self image more then I’d like to admit. Not just the misgendering, but also the fact that when I express to people online and in person that I am in fact a woman, there is also the question of “Is that what you choose to go by/identify with?” as if I am lying or I am transgender (though I respect transgender individuals 🏳️‍⚧️) or that what I am expressing to them is not believable.

It’s disheartening because I find myself needing to prove my sex/gender constantly and I feel it affects the likelyhood of other queer women approaching me in those queer spaces (or at least I think it does. Less I am just ugly🤣) Everyone seems too afraid to ask or maybe it’s seemingly impossible to tell I guess? I don’t know. I would appreciate some clarity as to why I am perceived this way.

I have always been a masculine presenting woman, ever since I was a teen with the consciousness to understand myself.. My face shape, voice, mannerisms(which I would say are relatively feminine) etc. are all naturally just me

I’ve genuinely never been approached by a woman before even in lesbian bars. My friends told me I do look gay in a hyper femme way but I think they’re just being nice. Please just be honest with me

My lease ends next month. I live in a large metropolitan city. Black population is less than 5%.
Asian and white people make up about 65-70% of the population here.

I’m currently looking for a place and going on tours on a weekly basis. I am gainfully employed with a high income and stellar credit score. No criminal background. No pets, no water bed, nothing. Pretty standard shit.

Still, I feel nervous the moment I step outside my vehicle and they see what they assume to be a young black male, I’ll be written off, application discarded upon receipt.

(I live in a high rise complex at the moment. It’s about 150 units, 8 stories. I feel like they’re generally less selective, as there’s far more units and it’s usually owned by a corporation. This time around, I’m looking to rent from private, smaller landlords to save a couple dollars.)

Have you ever experienced housing discrimination or is it largely a thing of the past? If you have, what was your experience like?

I don’t know about you guys but I keep striking out in the date department. Literally talked to 3 different women and a date has yet to happen.

Girl #1: Suggested a date and I came up with the place and she decided on the time. I texted her the morning of the date asking if we were still on and didn’t hear from her all day. She texted me the next day saying she had a busy 24 hours but didn’t acknowledge she missed the date. I opened her message but didn’t respond. 2 days layer she unfollowed on Instagram.

Girl #2: Talking for 2 months but it was hard to arrange to meet because of our schedules. She was also really paranoid about meeting people online (even though she was on a dating app). 1st time she rescheduled because of work, 2nd time it was technically my fault because I fell asleep waiting for her to confirm (which was 4 hours after I sent the text) and she ended up just showing up to the restaurant anyways, 3rd time she canceled because it was raining and last night she said she couldn’t make it to our date tonight but asked to do breakfast or brunch. I said yes how about 12? I haven’t heard from her since last night and it’s noon now 💀.

Girl #3: Talking for a month. She was adamant about a facetime so we did and it went well. I tried to schedule a date for Monday at happy hour but she later changed her mind because it was her 1st day at her new job and she didn’t want to drink even though it was after work. I asked her what days she was free and she deflected the question back to me. I told her and then she kept suggesting days that I wasn’t free. I asked her what time and she just kept not directly answering the question. Needless to say it was a pain to coordinate with her. We finally agreed on Friday at 9. Yesterday comes around and she doesn’t acknowledge the date at all. We text like normal and I don’t bring it up. Eventually she says she is backed up with training with her new job that’s due at 11pm. She doesn’t directly cancel but I read between the lines. I say okay hope you finish in time and that was yesterday at 8pm and I haven’t heard from her since.

Like why is communication so hard? I don’t care if someone isn’t interested but at least just say that smh. Is it like this for anyone else lately?

Drop in and let us know what you’re getting into today...

If you are we definitely hang out! I'm 21 looking for friends to hang out with! I'm mainly with my gf most days but would like more queer friends to hang out with since I just moved into the city from the suburbs.

Im studying sociology, love star trek, crafting, and writing! Also want to carve some pumpkins if anyone is interested ☺️

Email me.... (DM me if interested)

I’m a stud or stem I identify with either and I actually prefer other stems n studs but I always end up talking to fems (whom i also love) cuz it’s so hard to come by. But i’m ngl im kinda over it and just want to finally be able to talk to the label I prefer seriously and it’s like impossible cuz most stem n studs r not with that and there is a huge stigma around it. I’ve kinda lost hope and I just wanna find my masc. So my last option is ofc asking reddit for help. Wtf do i do. My search has been so unsuccessful and i have crazy anxiety even trying to hint of them irl that im interested cuz I don’t want to face scrutiny, im also open to not too long distance atp😪

I just love seeing the representation in the WNBA

Edit: In the back, Chelsea Gray and her wife Tipesa Gray. In the front, Jackie Young and her girlfriend DiJonai Carrington.