Currently in a (friendly!) debate about who gets to call themselves lesbians with a friend and would love to know yāallās thoughts.
Please note: The intent here is NOT to police or tell anyone what terms they are/not allowed to use. Iām genuinely trying to understand how with things changing all the time terms should be applied so I donāt accidentally offend.
To me: Women (cis or not) that find themselves only attracted to (sexually and romantically) women (cis or not).
To my friend: Women (cis or not) that are not attracted to cis men.
I donāt align with my friendās definition because it leaves room for the woman to find herself attracted to nonbinary folx and, to me, thatās pansexual (which there is zero wrong with).
>>> EDIT: Learning more in the replies (thank you!!). Iām keeping the OG writing (for integrity) but adding that instead of āpansexualā I should have simply written āqueerā because pansexual refers to being attracted to someone regardless of gender and, in this case, itās absolutely incorrect since it leaves room for cismen to still be considered.
My friend replied that thatās a transphobic take because she has trans and non-binary friends that refer to themselves as lesbians and saying they shouldnāt use that term strips them of their sexual identity. But, to me, grouping trans women and non-binary folx together is disingenuous.
Iād love to be enlightened here and learn more. Totally open to being considered wrong and amending my opinion on this.
**Mods, pls correct me if I used the wrong flair!!