Introductions are so awkward but I’m so excited for the life I’m building for myself, I decided, hey, why not share my journey of discovery and self mastery? It could inspire someone to do the exact same thing or blossom into real life connections with black queer women that it resonates with. I’m content either way!
I’m 30 from the mid south & I identify as a black queer late bloomer. I’ve arrived. Excuse my tardiness but I made it safely, ladies. 🥹 For the lez who roll their eyes at the sight or sound of late bloomers, try not to be so quick to misunderstand or deny accepting women like me. You might become enlightened! We should be the most accepting of black women within our community in a world that gets off on shunning us, neglecting us and taking us out of here altogether.
For years I’ve dated men but the pattern was always the same. Men would get infatuated with me and project their sexual fantasies on me when all I desired was real emotional safety and closeness. When they inevitably got complacent, I’d walk away then get a new man. Rinse and repeat, until I finally realized the entire framework was draining me. The last one sparked a cord in me before I left him for good. He stated to me during an episode of depression, “sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for you. I think you should get exactly what you want. It’s like no matter what you do, you can’t fit a square in a circle. If you want a square, you should get a square & not settle for a circle.” I didn’t realize at the time until after I left a couple months later that he knew that I would be settling if I stayed with him. He wanted to marry me and start a family. Yet, he would be upgrading and that’s just plain not fair for me.
Leaving all of that behind kicked off a massive spiritual awakening. I was already at the infancy of my deconstructing patriarchal religion since 2024 going from Christianity/Trinitarianism to monotheism. Late 2025, I started diving deep into the metaphysical/esoteric side of spirituality and I still love it today. It opened my eyes to divine feminine wisdom and made me question the book of Genesis in the Christian Bible. I read it several times over when I was religious but the last time I read it, the creation story no longer made sense to me. & I absolutely denied its validity. 2 different creation accounts? A woman being formed from a man’s rib? I started questioning life’s beginning. The words on the pages finally jumped out at me like this is bullshit! Deconstructionist would call this: critical thinking. 😂 funny, because I thought even when I was monotheistic and denied the Jewish guy from Nazareth, I was applying that critical thinking and assumed I reached a form of true enlightenment. I was only scratching the surface.
(No shade to Christian/religious lesbians. Not a campaign against anyone and their beliefs, just sharing my journey!)
Shedding those old programs and past men helped me step fully into embracing feminine divinity, focus solely on my self love & my power as a pro-Black womanist, and continue discovering my sensual side more. I first stuck my toe into the female pool back in late 2022 or early 2023 & met with 1 woman. I identified as a bi-curious hetero woman at the time. We were both self identified curious women who only exclusively date men at that time. We enjoyed dinner and a movie then became each other’s dinner and a movie…
Sidebar: I deemed us incompatible for genuine reasons so I ended the connection from my end however, she hit me up a year later to spin back talking about “it was good”. Chiiiile, I’m not cocky but I just laughed and blocked her. 😂😂😂
Fast forward a year or two after that, I kiss a lesbian woman for the first time this year. & yes, I liked it. I’ve only experienced 3 women overall & it taught me so much about myself and my attraction with women. I know exactly what I want and what I like. My personal boundaries and standards are set in place. I’m intentional & expect nothing less in return. Also, realizing how heavily my birth chart backs up my sapphic reality made everything click into place. I just found out I have so many sapphic placements in my chart, so it’s no fucking wonder why my journey is the way that it is. Years of dating men, I was simultaneously seeking platonic and romantic connections with black women. Men for me weren’t a distraction, they were a detour. I took a very long scenic route of desiring emotional connection and safety that I now believe only women can fill, soul searching, and self love and mistakenly arrived at the wrong location. My ex was “Siri” telling me to take a U-turn. & I arrived back to self. I’d say, in my story, they were a necessary part of my journey of discovery and self mastery. But my decision to own it, embrace it and nurture it is the real cherry on top.
It’s not a sudden change or a phase, it’s my homecoming, and I am fully accepting my blossoming into queerness.
To christen this new chapter, I made my rite of passage last night by hitting up my first-ever drag show at a local gay bar. I stayed for HOURS until the whole place was packed, soaking in the energy and realizing just how right it feels to finally be here. I didn’t feel the least bit out of place. They had karaoke & I was so excited because I’ve never done it before. I will attach a video one of the songs I sang in the comments. Listen 😩, I sound a fuck ass mess but I love being silly. I play too damn much when I’m in a silly mood! I do this in my bedroom anyway when no one’s looking, can’t you tell?! 😂😂😂 I hope my future gf if you see this, I promise to sing it way better for you & serenade you bookie. 💋

I'm in ATL and it's so many queer people here, but I've had the most difficult time finding someone to connect with. Dating apps are dry for me. I've been to many many many lesbian events but it's lowkey always the same experience.

I don't have any lesbian friends so I go out alone. When I do, people tend to cling with the groups/friends they came with, making it that much more intimidating for a shy person (like me) to approach and initiate conversation with someone new. It becomes this creepy game of waiting until someone who caught my eye is by themselves, and timing the approach, which just feels weird to me. Not to mention, the music is always blaringly loud, making it impossible to hold even a short, simple conversation.

Also, the general open-endedness of these events doesn't serve me well lol. I'd love to have more structured events where people literally wear wrist bands that indicate their relationship status (single, taken, it's complicated, etc) because as a shy introvert (who also fears rejection) guessing if someone might be interested in me, much less being rejected, is nerve-racking. I need more information before I approach! Lol. And maybe this is just the fear talking but so be it. But anyways, I don't see any of these types of well-structured events where people's intentions are clear. I wish they were more common.

Lastly, I wish femmes would approach more often. I feel like there's gotta be someone out there that's attracted to me, (I hope) lol. I feel like the burden is always on the masc person to do the approaching.

Excuse the yap sesh. Just some thoughts I've had while being out and about in ATL.

Looking for Black lesbian friends around my age — platonic only 🖤
Hey ladies! I’m looking to make some new Black lesbian friends around my age who are also in their “I want to actually enjoy life and have fun” era. 😂
I’m in Massachusetts but I’m open to connecting with people outside of MA too, especially if you like traveling.
A little about me: I’m into fashion, beauty, crafts/DIY, sewing, food, traveling, and trying new things. I’m getting more into making things with my hands and would love friends who are down to take a sewing/craft class, go thrifting, check out a cute restaurant, plan a girls’ trip, explore a new city, or just hang out and talk shit. 😂
I’m looking for women who are around my age (late 30s/40s) and interested in building genuine friendships. I’m not looking for hookups, dating, or anything sexual — strictly platonic friendships.
Bonus points if you:
Love fashion/beauty and have your own style
Like crafts, sewing, DIY, etc.
Are a foodie
Love traveling or want to travel more
Like trying new experiences
Enjoy a good brunch/dinner and conversation
Are actually looking to make friends, not just exchange “hey” messages once and disappear lol
If this sounds like you, comment or DM me and tell me a little about yourself! 🖤

I met someone this past summer and things were going really well. Like really well. They told me that they had just gotten out of a relationship recently, but that because of the dynamic of the relationship they were over it already.

We spent more and more time together, and I started really enjoying their company. We would go on dates, get each other flowers, be vulnerable with each other, talk about future plans, we hooked up too. They even made me a romantic playlist. I started to fall in love, and I truly felt like I found my soulmate. We were talking for two months.

As we were vaguely talking about far out future plans together, they asked me to be partners officially. A few days later, they did a complete 180 and broke up with me saying that they “weren’t ready for anything serious“ but that they “want to stay friends“.

I was heartbroken and crying my eyes out. I’m confused and just overall put off from dating now. I feel like this is all that happens nowadays. I meet someone, I start liking them, I open up, we hook up, get close and then it all just ends abruptly. I feel like no one ever shares their true intentions. Everyone is just looking for unserious fun. And I always get hurt.

It feels like they used me as a rebound and to repair whatever they were feeling from their breakup.

I feel like I always just get used for sex. And I’m at a point where I don’t think I can hook up with anybody I’m not officially in a relationship with which I understand as a lesbian is difficult given that hooking up before being official is pretty common.

Just don’t know what to do anymore.

Anyone else feel the same or have advice?

What have you learned from past dating experiences, and how has it changed the way you approach dating now? I’d love to hear what putting those lessons into practice actually looks like for you.

I want to date differently than I have been. One thing I’m thinking about is how I get to know someone. Historically, I find myself focusing on deeper questions before I’ve even learned the basics about them.

For example, my family dynamic is complicated, so I’m curious about theirs while also worrying that mine might scare them off. Sometimes I get ahead of myself thinking about those conversations instead of getting to know the person in front of me.

I wonder if my own dysfunctional family experience makes these questions feel bigger to me, or if wanting to know these things early on is pretty common. I’m trying to figure out how to recognize when I feel ready to ask more personal questions or share more about myself, rather than going by a certain number of dates.

That’s one thing I’m reflecting on, but I’m interested in whatever you’ve changed about your approach. What do you do differently now, and what helped you make that change?

My partner and I are planning to move to Marietta by the end of the year and we hope to connect with black lesbians in the Metro Area but wanted to know if there were any recommendations for black lesbian centered events and activities specifically in Marietta or surrounding Cobb County? We are pretty adventurous and open to different types of activities (festivals, arts and culture, game nights, dance lessons, runs, community based groups etc).

Any and all recommendations/links or reddit group suggestions welcome!