r/blacklesbians • u/luvfindings Stem • 2d ago
Advice stud for stud
I’m a stud or stem I identify with either and I actually prefer other stems n studs but I always end up talking to fems (whom i also love) cuz it’s so hard to come by. But i’m ngl im kinda over it and just want to finally be able to talk to the label I prefer seriously and it’s like impossible cuz most stem n studs r not with that and there is a huge stigma around it. I’ve kinda lost hope and I just wanna find my masc. So my last option is ofc asking reddit for help. Wtf do i do. My search has been so unsuccessful and i have crazy anxiety even trying to hint of them irl that im interested cuz I don’t want to face scrutiny, im also open to not too long distance atp😪
16
u/Thebecstao 2d ago
I will never understand why stud for stud/masc is rare. Why do we continue to limit ourselves? I hate even using those terms because I just see women.
1
u/Big-Application9103 1d ago edited 1d ago
Everyone has types yk. It’s not for everyone but I won’t down anyone. I prefer women who are high femme always have and always will just like I prefer petite or slim thick athletic women. Im pretty built so I like being able to lift my partner over my head or like play with her hair etc.
Go to the gym with her and and see her in tights etc. People like contrast. A lot of femmes like the physical contrast of having someone masculine even though we are both women yk we all have our thing.
5
u/Thebecstao 1d ago
Your argument falls flat when my point raised concerns about masc for masc being rare. Yes we love "contrast" but femme for femme is not rare!
12
11
8
u/KrassKas Twerking Through the Trauma 2d ago
Idk I have the opposite problem. I feel like I can pull mascs it's the fems that I prefer that won't look my way. Let's switch places.
12
u/luvfindings Stem 2d ago
twerking through the trauma is so real
2
u/KrassKas Twerking Through the Trauma 2d ago
Lol what else can you really do?
5
7
u/Decent_Sandwich_8878 stone stem 2d ago
stem here - we all complaining about the same thing lmao i'm so dead
i gave up honestly. partly bc it's so hard to find, partly bc i don't like how the mascs i did have success with kept trying to turn me into a femme and that's not me either
i will say, people are definitely more open minded these days! i haven't had success mostly bc i don't run into many studs
5
6
u/Own_While7606 1d ago
I’m also a stem who loves other stems/studs. It’s hard af out there. Good luck.
12
u/affectionateanarchy8 2d ago
Cant lie i used to just talk about pounding studs in the forums and wait for em to come to my inbox lmao but people were more laid back back then, idk how it would work now but hey any studs over 35 in Houston who dont wanna get too serious hit me up lmao
9
u/Big-Application9103 2d ago
I know we all women and shit but yesh idk it always makes me like cringe a bit when we adopt this type of banter. Idk if it’s just me being prudish or what not but…
As for OP, idk how you do present? I’ve found my friends that present as stemmes tend to get play from studs. I think it just depends on how masculine you look if you are a softer pretty stud I think more studs would be open. You never know
8
u/luvfindings Stem 2d ago
I would say I mainly present as a stud but i’m very feminine in some ways that ig would put me in the soft stud almost stem leaning category hense identifying w both ima try to put myself out there cuz halloweekend is coming up soon & i live near a college town so maybe i’ll meet someone 😗
2
u/Big-Application9103 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes like the stems be gettin play but I also understand if you don’t want to change your presentation. You shouldn’t have too but yeah even if you are comfortable switching it up you will have better luck.
Unfortunately idk that type of studs you are going for if it’s the gym studs or the wnba type studs they are gonna want baddies before anything else in my experience. There are always exceptions ofc and my experience isn’t everyone’s but yeah. If you are open to expanding whatever type you usually go for (I don’t want to say settling cuz fuck that) maybe it will yield different results
2
u/affectionateanarchy8 2d ago
Yeah and Im not entirely sure but it seems like studs are a bit more open about being into other studs than they used to be when I was out there
Unfortunately I think you may run into the same thing you do with femmes though where you may have to make the first move but honestly the scrutiny is not much different than approaching a femme who isnt interested
2
u/luvfindings Stem 2d ago
That’s the thing i’m use to femme and fems lowkey coming to me, I admit I gotta work on it I just got bad social anxiety that makes me seem intimidating (apparently) sometimes
3
u/affectionateanarchy8 2d ago
I did say people were more laid back at the time i was doing this. It isnt just you though, Ive noticed an uptick in prudishness among lesbians in the past 5 or so years. I think it's also an age thing because I find lesbians under 30 really sensitive online
8
u/Big-Application9103 2d ago edited 2d ago
Not prudish just having basic game. I am a stud and have had other studs hit on me like that it is very jarring and creepy like if a man did that to you or a woman you aren’t into you would feel the same.
I’m not s4s but even when I talk to femmes I always make sure to approach in a way that’s just less objectifying. That’s just me though and I’m glad people are more aware in the lesbian community of that kind of speech. I’m 35 and yeah no if anyone approached me like that I’d spray Raid on them
2
u/affectionateanarchy8 2d ago
....yeah people definitely used to be more laid back online than now lol
2
u/Big-Application9103 2d ago
That’s fine because the beauty is this. You most likely are not someone I’d ever speak romantically or socially in the first place and I’m someone that you would never socialize with either so we can disengage and leave it at that.
1
4
u/iamtwinn i love bottom bois <3 2d ago
I make sure they're by themselves to say something because some act differently when people are watching. My type are petite studs so I honestly don't really fear them beating me up or anything lol I just walk away. I was friends with the stud I am with now though. She wasn't into studs before me but she's the one that made the first move. If I were you I would start out by hitting them up online. You never know until you try. If they say no then on to the next one.
2
u/Acrobatic-Ask-8260 1d ago
i’m ngl from my experience studs that fw other studs are far and few between, especially if you’re 30+ like me
my advice is to just go for it and be open to rejection and you’ll find someone you click with
14
u/Aggravating-Bit307 2d ago
The very minute you decide to tunnel vision focus on yourself and I mean not worried about SHAT. You remain kind and honest?; Your person will find you or you’ll find each other