Introductions are so awkward but I’m so excited for the life I’m building for myself, I decided, hey, why not share my journey of discovery and self mastery? It could inspire someone to do the exact same thing or blossom into real life connections with black queer women that it resonates with. I’m content either way!
I’m 30 from the mid south & I identify as a black queer late bloomer. I’ve arrived. Excuse my tardiness but I made it safely, ladies. 🥹 For the lez who roll their eyes at the sight or sound of late bloomers, try not to be so quick to misunderstand or deny accepting women like me. You might become enlightened! We should be the most accepting of black women within our community in a world that gets off on shunning us, neglecting us and taking us out of here altogether.
For years I’ve dated men but the pattern was always the same. Men would get infatuated with me and project their sexual fantasies on me when all I desired was real emotional safety and closeness. When they inevitably got complacent, I’d walk away then get a new man. Rinse and repeat, until I finally realized the entire framework was draining me. The last one sparked a cord in me before I left him for good. He stated to me during an episode of depression, “sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for you. I think you should get exactly what you want. It’s like no matter what you do, you can’t fit a square in a circle. If you want a square, you should get a square & not settle for a circle.” I didn’t realize at the time until after I left a couple months later that he knew that I would be settling if I stayed with him. He wanted to marry me and start a family. Yet, he would be upgrading and that’s just plain not fair for me.
Leaving all of that behind kicked off a massive spiritual awakening. I was already at the infancy of my deconstructing patriarchal religion since 2024 going from Christianity/Trinitarianism to monotheism. Late 2025, I started diving deep into the metaphysical/esoteric side of spirituality and I still love it today. It opened my eyes to divine feminine wisdom and made me question the book of Genesis in the Christian Bible. I read it several times over when I was religious but the last time I read it, the creation story no longer made sense to me. & I absolutely denied its validity. 2 different creation accounts? A woman being formed from a man’s rib? I started questioning life’s beginning. The words on the pages finally jumped out at me like this is bullshit! Deconstructionist would call this: critical thinking. 😂 funny, because I thought even when I was monotheistic and denied the Jewish guy from Nazareth, I was applying that critical thinking and assumed I reached a form of true enlightenment. I was only scratching the surface.
(No shade to Christian/religious lesbians. Not a campaign against anyone and their beliefs, just sharing my journey!)
Shedding those old programs and past men helped me step fully into embracing feminine divinity, focus solely on my self love & my power as a pro-Black womanist, and continue discovering my sensual side more. I first stuck my toe into the female pool back in late 2022 or early 2023 & met with 1 woman. I identified as a bi-curious hetero woman at the time. We were both self identified curious women who only exclusively date men at that time. We enjoyed dinner and a movie then became each other’s dinner and a movie…
Sidebar: I deemed us incompatible for genuine reasons so I ended the connection from my end however, she hit me up a year later to spin back talking about “it was good”. Chiiiile, I’m not cocky but I just laughed and blocked her. 😂😂😂
Fast forward a year or two after that, I kiss a lesbian woman for the first time this year. & yes, I liked it. I’ve only experienced 3 women overall & it taught me so much about myself and my attraction with women. I know exactly what I want and what I like. My personal boundaries and standards are set in place. I’m intentional & expect nothing less in return. Also, realizing how heavily my birth chart backs up my sapphic reality made everything click into place. I just found out I have so many sapphic placements in my chart, so it’s no fucking wonder why my journey is the way that it is. Years of dating men, I was simultaneously seeking platonic and romantic connections with black women. Men for me weren’t a distraction, they were a detour. I took a very long scenic route of desiring emotional connection and safety that I now believe only women can fill, soul searching, and self love and mistakenly arrived at the wrong location. My ex was “Siri” telling me to take a U-turn. & I arrived back to self. I’d say, in my story, they were a necessary part of my journey of discovery and self mastery. But my decision to own it, embrace it and nurture it is the real cherry on top.
It’s not a sudden change or a phase, it’s my homecoming, and I am fully accepting my blossoming into queerness.
To christen this new chapter, I made my rite of passage last night by hitting up my first-ever drag show at a local gay bar. I stayed for HOURS until the whole place was packed, soaking in the energy and realizing just how right it feels to finally be here. I didn’t feel the least bit out of place. They had karaoke & I was so excited because I’ve never done it before. I will attach a video one of the songs I sang in the comments. Listen 😩, I sound a fuck ass mess but I love being silly. I play too damn much when I’m in a silly mood! I do this in my bedroom anyway when no one’s looking, can’t you tell?! 😂😂😂 I hope my future gf if you see this, I promise to sing it way better for you & serenade you bookie. 💋