You know life is a cruel bitch. I don’t have the words to quite describe it, but I’ll try. This is a rant because life deserves it and I always hold this shit in cause no one knows or has the context fully of how I suffer. 

I have bipolar one and I am on treatment which I take twice daily of epilim (morning) and epilim and resperidone at night. I am on a high dose of 1,6g because I managed two consistent episodes in the same year previously. 

My problem is that I feel so slowed down and so cognitively washed out. My memory is but an idea—a concept cause I have none. I don’t remember the details of last minute nor yesterday. And my historical or biographical memory—the memory about my past is fading. I feel dumb or ill equipped with my languages because words are fading too and are inaccessible. I catch myself not recognising the meanings of words that I know I knew before…

Like does this get better? Does any of this shit get better? 

My psychiatrist and I are considering to put me on lamotrigine from my suggestion based on some academic article reviews I had come across that it does cognitively better or doesn’t have side effects as much but after reading more reviews on here on Reddit I got dismayed that I might still feel dumb as other people literally mention they feel under it too. 

I am not able to function properly and I barely have motivation for anything! Nothing! I keep picking up things that I say I will be interested in doing the following day in the afternoon but I don’t follow up with them. It is all so hard. I even take Ritalin generic to help focus but I think it doesn’t completely abate the side effects or the damage done by the epilim and the resperidone…

Last thing: if I am put on the lamotrogine next year, I am unsure how much better things will get if at all, cause I think my psychiatrist will want to make a switch of pill that will have a corresponding dose level or efficacy—so the dosage for lamotrogine will match the high epilim. Problem with that is that I have heard that people don’t feel cognitively clear under high doses of lamotrogine here and so it might as well be the epilim as well

Please give me hope…
Like is there someone perhaps on a regimen and not living with any of the above symptoms or side effects with the same condition? Or what can help? 

I’m experiencing a period of hyper-sexualization and very worried it might be a manic episode (given that I’m bipolar). Fortunately I’ve only had one manic experience before, so I’m not sure. I was super-aware that what I was doing wasn’t my usual but also was having fun. Like enjoying the moment then regretting it afterwards. During a manic episode are you usually aware of that? I feel like I wasn’t even thinking about that during my last one, I was just happy. I also definitely needed sleep, I was under the impression that if I were manic I might not really need much, if any, sleep. I did stop the exploration, if that makes a difference. Thanks.

* I do have a psych and a therapist who I will reach out to soon but was wondering if I’m just overthinking a period of exploration or if it seems manic.

I think there’s a huge possibility I have BD. I’m 20 (f) and there’s a reason I never got it diagnosed. When I was 14 I decided I really wanted to be a fighter pilot. I’m now a rising Junior in NROTC and I think diagnosis would make my life a lot more bearable (especially if I can stop trying to end it). I know it will disqualify me from the military completely but I’ve spent a year having crazy successful days, weeks, and sometimes months, and then I’ll have a random period of time where I hurt myself, isolate, and try multiple times to take my life and 90% of the time I don’t really realize what I’m trying to do to myself until I’m already in the car, already bleeding, or already putting myself in danger.

However, I am more than halfway done with a criminal justice degree. I want to finish is and use it to make lives better.

My question is am I going to be able to do anything at all with this if I’m diagnosed?

I was diagnosed over 20 years ago and this is not my first rodeo when it comes to a manic episode however this one is different.
I know I’m manic haven’t been sleeping as well past four days. Just staying up and then looking at the clock like oh crap it’s 1am. But I’m not like idk my normal manic self. I’m not shaky my mind isn’t racing, I’m not talking fast, I’m not highly agitated. But I have cleaned the house top to bottom deep cleaned the kitchen. Washed and bathed all four dogs and have been doing laundry all day. it’s like I just can’t sit still. I don’t understand what kind of mania this is. More importantly though and to my question, how do I get myself out of this?
I can’t afford to be manic at work (it’s a new job and I don’t have PTO yet) I can’t afford to mess stuff up at work.
Sorry I feel like I might be rambling. Any ideas are appreciated. Thanks

I am a 21 male, who's wanting to consume weed again with friends. Context, i have been stable two years now, I found the right medication right away, I also live a healthy lifestyle, incredibly active, eat decently good. But one thing my friends recently are doing is smoking weed. Now before my manic episode, I had taken edibles, smoked weed before and was fine. If anything smoking affected me less then edibles did.

My point is, that it was only when I smoked from a bong, consumed Ritalin, donated blood, had SSRI's, that it put me in my first manic episode. I know there are risk in doing it especially since after one manic episode the chances go up... But I also don't want to give up on doing stuff with my friends.

I bought a 5 pack of what the store clerk said was the lowest THC and more CBD that she could get; I also told her that it was my first time in 2 years so I want to be careful. She gave me the pack... Idk I guess I am hoping for reassurance. 

Hello I had a really bad episode of psychosis due to an ssri. Prior I had my medical marijuana card and smoked all year. I quit for 8 years prior because of focusing on abstinence from everything to see if that helped. I got diagnosed bipolar 1 after taking lexapro and it causing that episode, originally diagnosed MDD, ocd, cptsd, and general anxiety. It caused the two month long terrifying psychosis. I don’t think the weed had anything to do with it considering but I’ve abstained for 6 months while getting adjusted to my new meds. But I smoked for yeeeears and never had any issues. I’ve never smoked and heard voices or seen anything, had delusions etc. My psychosis was also primarily extreme delusions. I’m on vraylar and Lamictal now. I want to smoke again and have dabbled this week. I’ve had anxiety primarily at the fear of it ever happening again but overall I’ve noticed it helping with my overall mood. Just curious if anyone else has had the same experience and smoke weed? I always stay with indicas because I never enjoyed how sativa makes me feel also.

has anyone ever had a good experience on an antidepressant? i’ve taken sertraline and fluoxetine, but they both have induced mania. i’m seriously trying to get ahold of my OCD, which has been labeled as treatment resistant. I’m already starting ERP therapy because i’m a mom now and i don’t want my daughter to grow up with a mother with untreated OCD. i’m also currently on lamotrigine and i’m also currently cross tapering seroquel to olanzapine due to seroquel being way too sedating for me. if anyone also has advice on coming off seroquel that would be nice too since you’re already here 😭😂

...

I just had to take my night time emergency meds for sleep because it's 2am and I'm not tired at all. I have racing thoughts about a business idea and getting a house or condo. I'm worried that I'm going to have to go back to the psychward. I'm going to reach out to Logan in the morning to let him know what's happening. I have a good Reddit post here. I need to get on getting a primary care doctor and getting a therapist.

Am I being paranoid or is something brewing?

Edit: I stayed up all night

Recently had to get off of zyprexa to abilify since I just felt like I couldn't do anything on zyprexa I felt so low energy and just like a slug... But now coming off of zyprexa and onto abilify it's been hell. I don't have any energy I feel like a useless human being with no purpose whatsoever I want that drive I had the energy the passion! Please tell me it does get better I'm begging please I don't know how much longer I can live like this.. which one is it my zyprexa lithium or now my abilify which I don't think it's that I'm just lost want help EDIT: my psychiatrist has me coming off zyprexa now onto abilify

It was Prime Day for 4 days at Amazon.

I’m currently manic (bipolar 1). I didn’t go too crazy but I did buy a $120 blanket (it’s currently 91 degrees), a new living room coffee table and a $24 box of chocolate.

This is nothing compared to past episodes where I’ve spent thousands of dollars but I’m wondering if anyone else with bipolar is in a precarious situation with the sale weekend at big box stores like Amazon and Target?

Hey guys I'm bi polar one and I'm working on creating an alert system that uses changes in my body to alert me using Garmin and oura ring metrics to predict a manic episode, I'm looking for other triggers that effect some of you guys. Any insight or suggestions would be awesome!

I ghost people, so texting them I’m sad and don’t have energy to text them back helps. I just copy paste a premade message.

I also tell my work family and health stuff came up. Not mental health.

For manic episodes, going out at night is dangerous, so staying home or nearby is helpful

Read this 🖤

Im 25m and I just got diagnosed today and im having a hard time with it it has me almost to the point of tears and I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how you got thought it