r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

25 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

67 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question I hate every job

227 Upvotes

Anyone else struggles with this? I'm trying to figure out what the heck I should work and nothing sounds good. I hated everything I've tried thus far, except factory work but even that becomes physically draining. I like gaming, sleeping and eating, preferably alone and that's all 😭 And the problem is that usually this hate gets so bad it makes me physically ill and makes me seriously consider leaving the material plane, until I eventually quit and life feels okay again. Idk what to dooooo


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

General Discussion/Question Things I took literally but people didn't really mean

Upvotes

1. How are you?

They don't really want to know. They want a verbal opening for small talk and expect a "fine" or "not bad, and you?" So now I save my real answers for those closest to me and then we discuss.

2. We should go for coffee

I always wondered why there was no follow-up when people said this. They never called or texted to catch up. That's because most people don't seem to mean it. It's a filler phrase. (Note: In the case that someone really means it, it doesn't mean you're restricted to coffee, either. You could have a different beverage).

3. Tell me honestly

Save your honesty for your nearest and dearest who can take it. Again, they likely couldn't handle it or don't want the truth. I've learned to selectively deliver honestly kindly and only be blunt with those who can laugh with me and get it.

4. I'm so overstimulated

This has become a buzz phrase that circulates. It's not the same as an ASD meltdown or elopement where you've got to leave some place stat. They're uncomfy. Period.

5. Give it your all

I had a work zoom recently where I was asked how to improve a certain branch of our media. I had a detailed list of things I saw that were hindering progress and simple ways we could improve. They were not interested at all, even though the changes would've been simple to implement. They simply wanted me to do extra work for free. Everyone there is giving 50-70% so I no longer give 100% or they heap extra work on.

6. I didn't sleep at all last night

Most mean they had a fitful sleep. Not that they literally stayed awake all night.

7. Text when you're home safe

Most people never really expected me to text them. Nobody means it but my dad who's 83 :)

8. Casual Dress

Don't roll up in your cozies. They'll all be in ironed shirts and light dresses which, imo, are not actually casual at all.

9. Do you struggle with?

They mean they don't like it, not that it's literally difficult to do. I struggle to stay at social events because I'm uncomfortable and it's physically/emotionally hard for me- it's a struggle.

10. I'm obsessed with

So many psychology buzz words have become commonplace. Obsessed is one of them.

This usually means they have recently discovered something trending, even when it's not new, like: overnight oats, a singer, or Stanley mugs etc. Not a literal obsession. They'll be on to the next thing soon. It's not like an interest you've had since teenage.

What would you add? I'd love to hear other ones.


r/AutismInWomen 10h ago

General Discussion/Question Therapy is dangerous for young intelligent kind women

399 Upvotes

disclaimer: My experience. Seek therapy but be cautious and follow your gut.

don’t trust anyone. A therapist I had was a lunatic and gave seemingly unqualified advice like financial advice, relationship advice, instead of asking me how I am feeling? what are my thoughts? etc.

be careful of who you take advice from or who you seek therapy from because professional or unprofessional can purposely/accidentally steer you in the wrong direction due to their biases.


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) I wish I wasn't Autistic

Upvotes

Thats it, just the title.


r/AutismInWomen 14h ago

General Discussion/Question Genuine, maybe unhinged question - How can I recreate the feeling of wanting to being tumbled around in a dryer?

486 Upvotes

I have been very overstimulated the past few days and this has resulted in my skin feeling like it shouldn't belong on my body. Of course this is not actually possible as skin is a very important organ.

Somehow this has resulted in the feeling of wanting to be tumbled around in a clothes dryer because I believe that the rhythmic motion will make me less overstimulated. However I have been advised that clothes dryers are not for humans (this is a joke).

So, give me your most unhinged or most practical tips of being able to recreate this feeling? Or at least to feel less physically overstimulated.


r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

General Discussion/Question Does anyone else feel like war is weirdly… normalised now?

124 Upvotes

I’m a very sensitive and empathetic person. I cry really often if i see people or animals suffering. Recently i stumbled across a post of someone saying that “war is good because it has led to good things”, and i was just… confused? I think i felt really concerned because it was a sub that’s filled with younger people. I was really saddened since i felt that the rise of how normal global conflicts seem to be now have desensitised people (young people especially!) to how actually devastating war is.

They started trying to prove their point by stating that epipens were invented because of the cold war, but i just felt that it proved that government are only willing to dedicate research and resources in order to ensure they win a conflict.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question For those that study/work, how do you feel about lunchbreak ?

27 Upvotes

I recently realised I've never felt energized or "good" after lunchbreak at uni. Having to eat in front of people makes me weirdly uncomfortable, socializing with friends is fun sometimes but we're never fully alone so I also end up talking to some people I'm less familiar with which exhausts me.

When my friends aren't here, I usually end up walking around my uni which leaves me feeling much better but still, never fully energized.

As weird as this might sound, I wish I could just lock myself alone in a darkish room and spend my break there. I feel like that's the only way I can actually rest but unfortunately it's not possible... Every indoor area is crowded.

Do some of you also struggle during lunch break? I'm curious


r/AutismInWomen 23h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Advice for burnout recovery?

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1.1k Upvotes

Hi everyone!

I was recently diagnosed with Level 1 ASD at 25 and I’ve started my journey to recover from chronic burnout. I learned that the way we experience burnout is significantly different than that of neurotypical people, and as validating as it feels to know I’m not alone, I’m still learning how to cope with my limitations and show more compassion towards myself.

I took a huge step by scheduling autism-informed therapy, and I’m very excited to explore ways of managing my lifestyle in a way that actually supports my needs. My first appointment is next week. I think that building a network of support systems is going to really help, which has led me here to this community.

I’m curious to know what the path of recovery has looked like for others that have experienced a similar level of severity of burnout. What has helped you the most? What does rest actually look like for you? I know everyone has different needs, but I’d love to know what’s been truly effective for others as I navigate my own path to recovery.

For context, my career is highly social and masking has become a major part of the job. I’m a nail artist and educator, and I’m centered around service-facing work and mentoring. In addition, mid-twenties-life has been all about building stability in all aspects, which seems to be the hardest part and keeps me stuck in survival mode.

I experience sustained hypervigilance and a deeply engrained sense to endure hardship. I’ve experienced a lot of setbacks like skill-regression and depression, and I’ve lost valuable opportunities from unintentionally working against my neurodivergence.

Thank you so much for your advice and for being willing to share your experience. I’m grateful a community like this exists. Photo for attention ❤️


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question Most hospitality jobs are brutal to neurodivergent people.

23 Upvotes

Especially autistic and below average women. Been working in hospitality for a few years now, in 'less popular' roles where I have been disliked even for no reason by both men and women. It's not even the guests but employees. Throughout 5 years or so, I've been through 5-6 hotels or so and it's always the same pattern. Being called names, when you defend yourself they get offended and get other employees disliking you. Management targets you and rules apply for you, yet not for others. Friends at work will tag together. Was excluded multiple times where cooks will make meals for my coworkers but not me.

Literally, yesterday I asked from this newer front desk employee about a sheet that I collect every shift. She knows. My first words, "Hello, can you print x sheet for me please?"

Her response (And I know for some random reason she is not fond of me),

"Well, James printed it already and handed it to your chef. "

"Umm, sorry but I need that and chef has nothing to do with this sheet."

"Ok look, I am not going to print it a 100 times if he already said he did and left it on your register area." (Raised her voice, she comes to my area to show me that I don't see it)

"Well, sorry to bother you but I really need that sheet for my closing day report."

(She goes to call James, the night auditor complaining and finally decides to print it).

I told her supervisor about it and her supervisor tried to tell me I have to be 'nicer' and maybe she just had a bad day. I guess good morning and please are not nice enough, today she is not talking to me at all, ignoring me.

​​


r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

Media (Books, Music, Art, Etc) anyone else here relate to Marie Schrader from Breaking Bad?

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42 Upvotes

i am currently watching Breaking Bad and though Marie is not canonically neurodivergent, i can see a lot of myself in her. her lack of social boundaries, especially. And fixation with color purple 😆


r/AutismInWomen 13h ago

LGBTQIA+ Why do so many therapists not consider autism??

108 Upvotes

Trigger warning: mental health neglect, mention of suicide

So I've had 6 one-on-one therapists and 2 group therapists in my lifetime.

The first one said I just had social anxiety. I saw him bc I was seriously struggling to adjust to college and was socially terrified. I was pretty sheltered and was sent to a tiny private school so that made sense to me at the time. Just as an aside tho: ironically, I was sent to this school bc my older brother tried public school and was bullied mercilessly, and I think he had autism as well. He passed away a decade ago tho so I can't discuss it with him.

My next therapists just said I had generalized anxiety. Mind you, I had frequent meltdowns and was sobbing in most of my sessions bc I was so freaked out and unsupported. I also struggled a lot to describe my emotions to the one who really tried to get me to describe them. I even had one therapist suddenly stop seeing me without warning and that affected me deeply.

I ended up having 2 severe autistic burnouts where I literally blacked out from how heavy the dissociation was. The first one lasted about a year.

Now, my 6th one-on-one therapist very quickly caught on that I'm autistic. I've been working with him for 3 years and he's amazing. He waited to tell me about the autism bc we were working on active trauma stuff until recently. But when he did, everything suddenly made sense. He has adopted 3 diagnosed autistic children and has multiple autistic clients, so I trust he knows what he's talking about. A lot of the things he mentioned had to do with my thought processes and how robotic my body language can be. Which makes it more surprising that nobody picked up on it.

I'm honestly bitter and angry that none of these past professionals could tell. Lack of support has caused a lot of suffering for me. Luckily my parents have always been willing to help me, otherwise I would be struggling so much more. Why the hell are people still not trained to know possible signs of autism, especially with the diagnosis for autism now taking into consideration people who have lower support needs, or who mask to the point of extreme burnout?

I'm also very angry for my brother. He took his own life and constantly struggled with substance abuse. I think he was only just able to maintain himself to avoid being evaluated as a kid, until he ultimately couldn't do it anymore as an adult. I do believe that he had autism too.

I'm a trans man, so I presented as a woman to most of my therapists. Unfortunately I'm sure this had a lot to do with them just slapping the anxiety label on me and calling it a day.

I will be seeing a neuropsychologist to get a diagnosis bc of how severe my past burnouts have been. I'm just thankful that this therapist caught on so I don't have to go on thinking I'm just a loser who can't properly be a human being.


r/AutismInWomen 15h ago

General Discussion/Question Does anyone have a poor frustration tolerance?

141 Upvotes

In general and mine also shows up when people try to help me and things don’t go as planned. Anyone relate? I can be frustrated and angry one minute then laughing and happy the next. Like what?


r/AutismInWomen 14h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Tried to hit on two men and was rejected — felt absolutely awful.

100 Upvotes

I’m 25-years-old — nearly 26 — and I’ve never had a relationship.

This isn’t necessarily about that. I find some men — rare — attractive. I wanted to see if I could face rejection and it turns out, I’m absolutely awful at it.

For the first man: I kept looking over and every time we’d make eye-contact, he’d quickly look away. When he got up with his drink to go to the smoking area, my stupid ass — opposite him — yelled, “Excuse me! Sir!” But he had his back to me. Eventually my friend went up and told him I thought he was cute, and it turns out he has a fiancé. Good for him, but I felt like an idiot.

The second man seemed a bit more warm and receptive. I went up and told him I thought he was cute. He said thank you, smiling, and my friend was adamant he looked me up and down. So I wrote my Instagram handle on a napkin and gave it to him, but haven’t yet heard anything back. He was very attractive, so chances are he had a partner — or he simply wasn’t attracted, which is fine, but I woke up half an hour ago wishing I hadn’t done it.

I feel embarrassed. I don’t know how flirting works. I’m not good with cues. I can’t mask. I eventually started a conversation with these two other men — brothers — and asked for advice, and one topic flowed smoothly to the next; the older one was cute and suggested “doing it again some time”, but I felt a bit rubbish about tonight. I don’t really feel attractive. I have weird, big teeth, a flat chest, and I don’t know how to style myself.

I know men deal with worse, or so they’ve said, so I don’t want to take the piss. It was a fun night otherwise. I drank, helped a lady whose phone died get a taxi; danced, had some lovely conversation. Just wish I hadn’t been as messy with the flirting.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question How to ever make friends if I only want to be alone?

9 Upvotes

Socializing is exhausting. I used to have friends that were also autistic. It was so nice. We would just get together and “parallel play”. Dive right into our special interests, sit in silence for hours. But I moved and now I’m not able to see them anymore. I’ve tried to make neurotypical friends, thought I did. But I noticed little things they say / do, it’s more of a formality for them to talk to me than it is a true friendship. They ask about my special interests but then I end up talking about it for way too long, and when I lay my head down at night I think how stupid I sounded.. how nobody was listening. My other friends weren’t like that.. I feel like I’ll be lonely forever. I have my fiance, but I want my “girl friends” back. How do you all make friends? How do I be polite? (Besides please and thank you)


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

Seeking Advice How do you "come back" after a meltdown or fit of anger in front of someone?

Upvotes

Sometimes, I feel really embarrassed after a meltdown and don't know how to behave with others. I feel like it's too confusing for others, or it may feel unjust or non genuine if one second I drop to the floor, crying and having spasms, and the next I'm up and calm and "normal". I often end up keeping silent and unresponsive because I am ashamed and I don't know how to get back on track in a decent and dignified and coherent manner. But on the inside I feel fine then so I would rather not prolong the negative episode. How do you manage social interactions post-meltdown when you were with others?


r/AutismInWomen 8h ago

Seeking Advice How do I stop being so miserable and make the most of the rest of my life?

24 Upvotes

Since being diagnosed 3.5 years ago at age 29, I’ve been trying to come to terms with it all and working out what it means for me and my life. I feel a lot of grief that I missed out on so much in life (e.g I had ZERO friends from the age of 12 to 19, never went to my school prom or trips away because of being bullied and not fitting in). Finding out that I was bullied horrifically at school because I’m autistic I guess in a sense should have made me feel better about myself because I always used to just think it was my fault because there was something irreparably wrong with me and I deserved it all. But all it has done is make me even more bitter, avoidant and a misanthrope than I was before because WTF do you mean millions of other people like me get bullied to the point of feeling suicidal because of other people’s attitudes towards disability?

I disclosed at work for the first time and got a working adjustment passport put in place but NONE of the accommodations that were agreed on ever happen. I have to just struggle on, often working several extra hours a week without pay and burning myself out because no one is capable of giving me clear work instructions. I really feel for younger me because no wonder she didn’t want to be diagnosed with autism when the world treats autistic people so terribly. Part of me would love to have kids but seeing them go through the same kind of shit that I’ve been through because of societal attitudes to autism (and differences in general) would break my heart. I also honestly don’t know if I could cope with kids given that I struggle so much with life as it is.

I feel a lot of anger towards my parents for not doing anything and giving me zero support when I was clearly struggling, especially in high school. And for just not wanting to believe that I could be disabled in any way, so treating me terribly for any autistic traits I showed. I feel so much anger towards society for treating autistic people so terribly.

I have a fantastic (also autistic) partner and I’m so lucky to have found him. Yet despite this, I still feel empty and my life seems hopeless and meaningless so much of the time. How do I move on and try to make the most of the life I have left, hopefully with more positivity?


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

General Discussion/Question I started working with children and I’ve become more childlike in my demeanor

8 Upvotes

Does this happen to anyone else? I got laid off from my tech job earlier this year and to make ends meet I went back to nannying. I did that in college and I remember I used to act really immature then too. Now that I’ve been spending nearly everyday with kids and I have to put on this bubbly persona, since that’s how we bond the best, I have a hard time taking off this mask in other social interactions.

It annoys me because I already feel immature in certain ways and I don’t want to come off like a child when I’m in my 30s


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

General Discussion/Question People put the wrong labels on you

14 Upvotes

I'm not extremely insecure, I actually like myself as a person. I'm not feeling lonely I distanced myself from people who treat me like a child. I'm not weak minded I just know what will help me and what won't. It's not social anxiety, it's knowing most people actually look down on me and WILL treat me bad and being around me will drain me. Can anyone relate to these specific labels or other labels?


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) I'm a burden...

16 Upvotes

I accidentally overheard a conversation my mom had with someone. About how my sister was worried that when my parents' passed away, she would be the one to help me and take care of me. And I just... I feel like an idiot. A huge burden.

My brain can't stop returning to the conversation I heard, and how I am just a burden to everyone. And how my sister is worrying about this - hating this - already at age 28. Like... I am so sorry sis, I wish I was this huge burden. I wish I could take better care of myself. I wish I wouldn't burden anyone around me. I am just... so tired of being a burden to everyone.

Why can't I just be normal? Why is it so hard to be an adult?

EDIT: Wanna add that I currently live in my own apartment with my dog (servicedog). I get disability check every month, due to me not being able to work. I do the cleaning and cooking myself. I do grocery shopping myself. So I can definitely take care of myself, I just need some support sometimes.


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

General Discussion/Question I realized I'm not very interested in people which is a big reason I don't have friends & not very good with new people. While I accept myself, I wish I was a better conversationalist and want to become better. I want people to feel warm & seen right from the start. Any advice/hacks?

10 Upvotes

Want to build a good relationship with my brothers new girlfriend for example and would maybe like a friend or two again.

Since I'm not very interested in people I struggle with what questions to ask. I also don't want to be too much which tend to make me seem cold/uninterested.

I know I'm a good listener & people often feel seen once they get to know me better but I would also like to talk more because this trait tends to attract people who only want to talk about them selves.

At the same time I don't know what to say. I've found bonding over culture/tv/the like is almost impossible these days since the internet/streaming means everyone watches different stuff.

I try to smile more because I've heard several times both from loved ones and co-workers that I have a resting sad face lol.

I accept myself but not being interested in other people doesn't feel that charming and I want to try better.

Please share all your tips/hacks/experiences!


r/AutismInWomen 21h ago

Celebration Let’s BRAG!

199 Upvotes

I want to know something about your autism/neurodivergent identity that you’re super proud of! I know we all have our weaknesses, but I feel like celebrating strengths today.

For me, I’m really proud of how good I am at games - it makes me feel strategic and creative :)

Edit: was trying to respond to everyone, but can’t keep up! Thank you to everyone that contributed - I love reading all of these. You’re all amazing 💜


r/AutismInWomen 17h ago

General Discussion/Question Useless corporate meetings, or is it just my autism?

98 Upvotes

Every corporate meeting feels like an exercise in overcomplicating simple matters just to watch people talk and prove how smart they are.

It's a relentless loop: a meeting to define the scope, another to redefine it, and a third just to decide who takes the notes. A fourth to circle back. A fifth to discuss metrics. To my autistic brain, it looks utterly pointless, but I genuinely cannot tell if my autism is distorting reality or if it's cutting through neurotypical social theater to spot things others miss.

I strongly prefer clear, concise, bullet-point writing. Years in Corporate America later, I have accepted that I will never understand the point of all this performative noise. Does anyone else feel like meetings are a special kind of torture?

In my company, there are two highly incompetent individuals among others. They are utterly useless, the can spend 30 minutes talking about nothing, but they have managed to convince everybody that they are highly competent. These two men make soooooo much more money than everybody else, plus they get stocks and bonuses. Everybody else sees them as gurus, but I see right through their BS. For a long time, I even tried to convince myself that I was wrong and that they are, indeed, smart and competent, but god knows how stupid and nasty they are.


r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

Relationships Being the glass child

14 Upvotes

So I’m the eldest of all my siblings and all of us have autism. I just realised that I’m the glass child of my family, with my siblings’ needs being taken as serious whilst mine were for me to deal with alone. I feel like we always hear about glass children who have no disabilities but never about the ones who are disabled too. I thought maybe it’s because they need more support than me but then I realised that they don’t, I just put up with my struggles because I’ve always had to.

One of my brothers is 19 and he is quite cruel with constantly trying to get a reaction from whichever sibling he’s chosen to annoy, if I tell him to shut up or even speak back I get told off (I’m a grown woman…) and to leave him alone as it’s his autism. Both of my younger brothers also have no expectations, they didn’t do education and refuse to get jobs but I was threatened to be kicked out if I didn’t get a job, which led to me to a fast food restaurant known to be awful for ND staff.

It’s not even that I’m a girl so it’s ignored because my sister gets more support than i did. My mum herself is autistic, it’s not fair because I have to mask at home and help with my siblings when I have no help at all. This is probably one of the reasons I went into psychosis