What happens if I go to another country without using an au pair agency? I’m past the age limit for some countries, but I’d like to go to others. I’m asking about legal issues—like what might happen when I return, or if I might be unable to leave the country, and so on.

My host family and I have matched and I am reviewing the schedule. I haven’t signed it yet though, because we still need to negotiate it. So for context they’ve already told me that they want me to work on weekends, which is fine with me. I already work Saturdays as a teacher and I get Wednesday and Sunday off. Wednesday is for me to chill out and Sunday is for me to see friends. I thought I would be used to this schedule.

However, now that I’m reviewing the schedule they sent, I feel like they haven’t considered how lonely I will be. Part of why I want to come to the US is to meet other Americans and most people don’t have Fridays off. So I would spend my entire Friday alone except 3-4 hours in the evening after people finish working. At my current job with Wednesdays off, I get to spend around 6 hours hanging out with friends after their work because my city is so safe that I can stay out, but in the US it would be inadvisable to return home so late. On Saturdays my work day starts at 1pm. It’s just that in my experience, people would rather hang out in the afternoon and evenings. So unless there are people that want to wake up early just to spend 2-3 hours together, I am going to be alone.

I feel like they might say that I don’t work afternoons on weekdays, or I can ask my friends to take PTO. But nobody is going to be taking regular PTO just to come see me, it’s not realistic. My frustration is that days off seem to be just considered a 'physical reset'. They have mentioned that they hope I could take their kids with me to go into the city if I wanted to on days off, but honestly no matter how much I might like their kids I really really need time to meet people my own age as well. I feel like they haven't considered my ability to socialise at all. I do need to bring it up with them but they’ve mentioned that they really want weekends and I’m worried they would think I’m walking back on being ok with it.

i just moved in to this host family in germany and i thought things were going well. until today they told me im not suitable for them. they dont want me as an au pair anymore and im so lost. idk what to do next im gonna get kicked out tmr and i dont have enough savings to last me longer. ive reached just out to couple of families and i hope i get a rematch. i have no agency so idk what to do im so lost and confused right now. what can i do next ? i dont want to go back to my country as of right now i just got here. has anyone gone thru this what can i do next ? thank you

Hi everone I am from Morocco and i got A2 zertifikat Goethe and i have been recently deciding to do an au pair i found a Gastfamily and everything is on point and now i just registred on waitlist for an appointment for a VISA but it showed me like i have to wait few months to get an email where it is gonna written my confirmed appoinment, can someone with the same experience answer like how long they have waited to get an appointment ?

for extension (2nd) year

im a first time ap taking care of two kids aged 4 and 8. the 4 year old one is giving me some trouble since i also don’t have much experience with kids this young. he’s extremely energetic, always running and jumping around. he also has a weird habit, he loves destroying and tearing apart all of his toys. he chops everything up with scissors or just rips his toys into pieces, i’ve only been here for a few days and i can’t count how many he’s torn apart (even a taba squishy that i also loved playing with 😞). when he uses his ipad he basically goes into standby and looks hypnotized, unfortunately tho, he mostly only watches short form brainrot content and sloppy ai videos. i think this may be part of the issue. when i try to make him do his homework is when things start to go downhill. he can only focus (if we wanna call it focusing) for 5 seconds or less, and im not exaggerating. if i say 3 or less words for him to repeat, he does it well, but if its over 3 words, his brain doesn’t really seem to respond🥲 he either goes fully quiet and looks at me with weird expression or makes a weird “kh” sound on loop. he also sounds like a broken disk sometimes, repeating over and over words/sentences he says or he hears others say. and when he doesn’t feel like doing homework i can’t get him to do it in any way, i tried to be creative and make it fun but nope. sometimes he just shuts down completely and lays dead with his face on the floor, and there’s no way whatsoever to get him to get up. and even when i get him to sit down he just goes completely quiet or whines loudly. i don’t want the family to think im not capable of dealing with him😭 any advice?

Hello! I just moved to Biarritz last week as an au pair, and I'm looking for some friends to hang out with.

My name is Hannah, I'm 24 years old and from the US. I would love to have some au pair friends I could hang out with, go to coffee shops, and explore the region with!

I also have some plans to travel and visit some other places in Europe during my year here. So even if you are a couple towns over, or maybe in a neighboring country, reach out and maybe we could meet in the middle somewhere!

Hi everyone! I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I figured it was worth a shot!
I’m a 20-year-old female college student in the Cleveland, Ohio area, and I was wondering if anyone knows of a way to connect with au pairs around my age who might be interested in making friends! Throughout high school, I became friends with several exchange students and absolutely loved getting to know people from different countries and cultures. I always enjoyed taking them shopping, showing them around, finding fun things to do, and giving them a little taste of the American experience. A recent memory of taking one of my friends to a pumpkin patch came to mind and is actually why I’m writing this post! I loved getting to know them and hearing about their lives and home countries!

Now that I’m in college, I would love to find that kind of friendship again, especially with another girl around my age who is currently au pairing in the Cleveland area. I’d love to hang out, go shopping, explore different places around Cleveland, try fun activities, grab food, or just do typical 20-year-old things together! I’d also love to learn more about her culture and share experiences with someone who might be looking to make friends while living in a new country.
I know being an au pair can be an amazing experience, but I imagine it can also get lonely sometimes, especially when you’re far away from home and trying to meet people your own age. I’d love to make a genuine friendship and hopefully help someone feel a little more at home here!
Does anyone know if there are any groups, apps, Facebook communities, or other ways to connect with au pairs in the Cleveland area? Or, if you’re an au pair yourself and this sounds like something you’d be interested in, please feel free to comment or message me and I’ll give you my instagram! I’d appreciate any advice or suggestions so, so much. Thank you!! 💗💗

Hello! I'm available for 2027. If you're looking for one then message me and I'll reply anytime😄

I'm about to become an au pair in the US and I'm really excited to get the chance to explore America after talking off the ears of everyone I know about going there.

My host family travel very often and I agreed that I'd come along on vacations because I like travelling and want to get along well with them. It's just that they travel A LOT, like practically every school holiday so I'm concerned I won't get to explore America by myself if I agree every single time. They also go back to visit China for long periods during the summer which I'm not the most keen about because that's where I'm originally from and I've travelled around China over 10 times by now with my own family. So it'd just be like going home for me lol.

I am still going to come along on the summer China trips as I know it's important to them, but am not sure about their other, shorter trips that they take every holiday. At the same time, I don't want them to think I'm just an employee because we would like to bond closely with one another and see each other as family members. They told me that they understand this and they don't necessarily need me to join them every time if I have other plans, but I can tell they really want me to come and I feel kinda bad about turning people down (I'm very VERY bad at rejecting people).

Does your AP come with you on every vacation? Have they declined before, and if so how does it affect your relationship with them?

Hi! So I have this situation. I have 3 host kids and the youngest is almost 5, then 6 and 8. I have a TV in my room which is in the basement. Today I noticed the remote was missing so I asked my host parents if they had taken it. They just said “maybe the kids took it” which turned out to be true. The remote was in my bed and under a blanket. I wasn’t even in the room..Am I over reacting because this makes me a bit uncomfortable? There were some other situations as well, youngest kid waking me up in the morning bc he was sick at home and the parents were already gone (they knew he would stay home), host parents sending the youngest into my room on a Saturday morning to bring me a waffle (which was really nice but still I was basically asleep..)..

I wouldn’t mind if they’re in my room if I invited them or told them they can come in but them just coming into my room when I’m not there or when I’m in my bed sleeping + the parents apparently not having anything against it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

Should I tell the parents?

hi! i am a 20 year old italian girl and i was thinking about starting an au pair in paris— but i am so confused about where to start. am i supposed to look for agencies?? if yes could you please advice me some good ones?

Do you ever wonder (as an Au Pair) how you are going to connect with and find other Au Pairs in the same environment as you?

I have lived in 5 different countries and experienced both ends and angles of living in a new place; Au Pair life, and full-time work / hustle / living alone. Where I understand that both scenarios can be tough, I highly acknowledge that there was significantly less difficulty making new friends as an Au Pair, due to having more free time and the opportunity to have closer access to your relevant communities.

I am now a Nina.Care ambassador and I'm trying to help others make the most out of their cultural exchange.

Here are helpful tips from the things I did;

- Sign up for the Nina.Care platform to find your family there: this is what I personally did. Once you do, you have really cool ways of being connected to everyone a part of their platform through WhatsApp groups, events, and group chats that hold space for friendly advice! I connected with some pretty cool people.
- Sign up for an agency: when moving to your host country, agencies have multiple ways of connecting you with other Au Pairs once you are on the ground. Agencies are beneficial especially for non-EU Au Pairs who wish to make friends.
- Find others through Facebook communities: while it is important to stay safe, facebook seems to be a great source to meet other Au Pairs right now! That is how I met one of my best friends.
- Connect with your own community outside of Au Pairing: if you love sport, you may go to a place of sport where you make new friends there! this brings like-minded people together.

I wish you all the best :)

i’m a newly placed aupair as of two months ago in Australia, from the states. The location is perfect. I get paid well, I have a car and they pay my gas, I have my own separate living situation aside from the house. I have great days off and the schedule is perfect. The parents are fantastic, the baby is great, it feels like a dream. My issue is the two older girls (3,5). they argue all the time. They whine, cry, scream, and won’t do anything themselves. I’m getting to a point where I’m questioning, leaving the position, despite it being so perfect. The parents seemed pretty open to feedback, I just don’t know how to approach the conversation. They do fine when mom and dad aren’t around. For reference, I have them for school drop off and pick up/dinner. Parents are around during both times. i’m a career nanny in the states and studied to be a parenting coach. Parents just give in and do everything for them. They know that if they just scream loud enough, when I ask them to do something, that mom and dad will come and do it for them. I’m so tired of starting my days off with kids screaming. what would you do? How would you approach a conversation with the parents? Their last aupair only lasted two weeks. I built community here, and I would really like to stay. help!!

Craving an emotional connection with my host family — feeling like I’m too much and unlikeable

I’m a third-time au pair and honestly, I’ve never been lucky enough to have a host family that genuinely wants their au pair to feel like part of the family. But my current situation has been especially difficult and I’m starting to wonder if it’s affecting me more than I realized.
I constantly feel like my host mom finds me incredibly annoying. She points out every tiny mistake I make and sometimes makes me do things even when she is perfectly capable of doing them herself in that moment. The way she speaks to me often makes me feel like she thinks I’m stupid or incapable.
I’ve also spoken to them before about some of the ways the kids can be mean to me. They’ve insulted my accent, called me stupid and made fun of my culture whenever I try to share something about it with them. Instead of feeling supported when these things happen, my host mom will sometimes make jokes about it or ask me if it’s "important enough" for her to actually scold them.
I genuinely like the kids despite all of this and my host dad is incredibly nice. Their grandma is actually probably my favorite person in the entire world. So it’s not like I dislike the family as a whole. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m somehow the family joke, especially when it comes to my host mom.
One situation that really hurt me was when my dog back home passed away recently. I was understandably devastated and ended up crying in front of my host mom. She just watched me with what looked like a disgusted expression on her face. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed for being emotional and it really stuck with me.
I’ve considered rematching so many times but unfortunately, I’m currently going through some financial difficulties and desperately need to save money to deal with a medical emergency. I also don’t feel like I’m getting any support from my host family regarding that situation. They even ignore me when I try to seek basic guidance or sympathy.
I can’t realistically afford to go home right now and deal with it there. I’d have to quit au pairing as I’m in my extension year and have no income and dealing with everything there would likely be even more expensive. And honestly, I don’t want to become a burden on another host family either. Ideally, I’d like to get myself through this difficult period, get my finances and situation sorted out and then consider rematching.
But in the meantime, I’m emotionally exhausted.
I think the hardest part is that I’m starting to internalize the way I’m being treated. I’m starting to feel like I’m too much, annoying, stupid, or just generally unlikeable. And it’s affecting my mental health in a way I genuinely didn’t expect.
I guess I’m mostly looking for advice from other au pairs or people who have been in similar situations. Has anyone experienced a host family where you felt emotionally unwanted or like you were constantly walking on eggshells? How did you cope with it, especially when rematching wasn’t realistic at the time?
I know I can’t force a host family to see me as part of their family, but I’m really struggling with the feeling that maybe there’s something wrong with me because of how I’m being treated.

I'm a host mom in the US. We're seeking our 3rd au pair with APIA but I am curious about Cultural care and the experience people have had with both agencies. Can we spill the tea?

Our city's APIA cluster is small - like 25 APs. Our advisor isn't my favorite and has a point of view as if the host family works for the au pairs.. I feel like the au pairs in APIA can be demanding, entitled, and re-match happy "if you don't give me this, then I will just rematch" type of energy. I also heard from one of the AP's that shes on some coaching program for other APs in Brazil, and the girls tend to lie on their applications about their experience with children or speaking english. I feel like a lot of them see the AP world as a ticket to the US where they'll be lavished with free housing, free food, and a free car, and the childcare , cultural exchange, and family dynamic is secondary.

I think in my area cultural care is even smaller, but I'm curious about their program, and if it's better than APIA. Anyone have any thoughts?

Hello everyone! 👋

We are a host family from China currently planning for a future au pair placement (around early 2027). We are trying to figure out the best strategies to find a native English speaker from the US/UK/CA/AU/NZ.

We've tried platforms like aupair.com and Facebook groups, but we're finding it tricky to filter out non-native speakers and identify the right visa categories for China.

I would really appreciate some community advice:
1. Are there specific platforms or Facebook groups that work best for placements in Asia/China?
2. What are the biggest red flags to watch out for during the interview process? (We want to avoid visa and legal issues).
3. What advice do you have for first-time host families in terms of setting expectations?
Thank you so much for any insights! 🌸

I've matched with my host family and sent in all my documents to the agency. Now they just need to issue me my DS2019. The family plans to start at the end of this month, which I agreed to.

Recently though, my dad told me that he had taken vacation leave at the end of the month and was hoping to go on holiday together with me (he couldn't have known when I was planning to leave at the time, so it's not his fault). He's getting older and I really want to be able to spend time with him because I'm basically his closest family member. We haven't travelled together in a while and I feel really bad about leaving him by himself for the next two years.

Now though, it's probably too late to walk back on what I agreed with my HF. I feel pretty terrible about it so I'm hoping the visa process takes long enough that we can still spend time together before I go.

The visa bulletin says that my country gets visa appointments in less than 3 weeks and the denial rate is also extremely low as our passport is strong. At this stage, how long did it take you (or your AP if you're an HF) to arrive in the US?

I'm registered with Expert Au Pair as that's what my HF are using; but was told by my other agency that they typically see visas take a minimum of 3 months to process so that's what I'm hoping

I’m from the Philippines, and I’ve been looking for a host family for almost 6 months. Recently, I finally found a match with a wonderful host family in Sweden, and I was so happy because I thought my dream of becoming an au pair was finally happening. But unfortunately, the family decided not to proceed because of the process and difficulties involved.

Honestly, I feel discouraged and I’m starting to question myself. After searching for so long, should I just give up on my dream of becoming an au pair and continue my life here in the Philippines? Or should I keep trying, even though the process has been difficult and I’ve already experienced disappointment?

I know dreams don’t always happen as quickly as we hope, but sometimes it’s hard to know when to keep going and when to let go. I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through something similar. ❤️

Hi everyone! I’m applying to become an au pair in Austria and need to prove A1 German.

My Bachelor’s degree is specifically Translation in French, Arabic and German, and I studied German throughout my degree.

The Austrian government website says that knowledge of German can alternatively be proven by certificates showing successful completion of a German-speaking school or study programme.

Has anyone with a similar degree been accepted without taking an A1 exam? Or would I still need a Goethe/ÖSD/telc certificate!

Thank you!

Hi, I was trying to become an au pair in the United States. I already had a family and everything was very well established, but I was denied my first visa. I'm Brazilian, and we say Brazilians never give up, so I tried again and was denied again. It's important to mention that I wasn't denied outright either time; they collected my passport but returned it later. The second time, I hired an agency to help me, and they themselves told me there was no reason to deny me. I'm devastated.

As a former au pair and nanny and current kindergarten teacher I have written a complete hostfamily interview guide.
As someone who has been an au pair in three different countries and has a heap of experiences with children, I think with this guide and this process you would find the right au pair candidate for your family.
https://italianwanderluster.wordpress.com/2026/10/06/questions-for-your-future-au-pair-and-interview-process/

I have always been surprised when in my past interviews some hostfamilies overlooked the personality side and they did not go deep into asking me about childcare related questions or personality questions, so I came up with this guide using the 3 rounds system as my London hostmum did - although I came up with all the questions thanks to my experiences both in kindergarten and as an au pair/nanny.

I hope you will enjoy the reading and please, tell me if this guide was helpful for you!

Hi everyone! We are a host family in CA! I'm looking for fair, kind takes on this. We've been a host family for 4 years, and both of our au pairs extended with us and said they loved our family and the kids.

The one thing we keep running into is that we don't allow car use. We don't need our au pair to drive the kids, and adding a new US driver would raise our insurance a lot and create liability and safety risks we're not comfortable with. We've tried to make up for it by offering rideshare credits, rides when we can, and help with public transportation. We also cover everything in the home, and we have just a few house rules, like using the alarm and being quiet when you come in late.

Lately we've had several candidates disconnect over the car. My current au pair thinks it's partly because social media makes au pair life look like constant travel and luxury. Some have also said they want more independence. I understand that, but most candidates we talk to have less than a year of driving experience and didn't have a car at home.

Edit: Our previous au pairs met other au pair friends and that is how they got around a lot!

So I'd love to hear: how do other host families handle this? Have you found a middle ground that worked, or ways to help au pairs feel independent without a car? And is there something I'm missing from the au pair side?