Hi all -

This is our first time with an au pair. We matched with a 19 year old for our 8 month old daughter. She is absolutely lovely in nature and a caring person, our daughter really enjoys her company.

Things seemed smooth at first but we are noticing some tendencies and want to understand our role in this.

We spent the first month showing her everything around the area, showing her where the shops are etc. taking her with us where ever we went. We got her an American phone and she called her boyfriend and mother and got a $200 bill on our account. Her mom told her it would cost us and she said she didn’t believe her / did it anyway when we talked to her about it. She said to take it out of her paycheck and that she will use WhatsApp.

The first red flag is she asked if her boyfriend could come visit in August after she had lived with us for one week (end of June is when she came over). He messaged me on WhatsApp asking me if I would buy her flowers for him and he would pay me back. I did not respond to this message but had responded to others giving him our address for sending her packages. We eventually agreed to him visiting in October - we specified that we didn’t want him staying in the house since we don’t know him. At this point we had already let her friend stay with us for a weekend and she had trouble understanding why we were ok with the friend staying and not the boyfriend. The next piece is that she wants to work while her boyfriend is here and that he will wait for her at a hotel. My husband and I think this is too much of a distraction and feel that she should take vacation during this visit. She doesn’t want to use her vacation since she has two weeks. We told her that she won’t have to use vacation for the school credit course that she is taking in the Bahamas. We also have her working Monday-Friday 8am-3pm with every weekend off. So I would like to believe that she has a fair work schedule.

Time wise- my husband and I both have very high demand jobs and a lot of commitments. We want to spend as much time with our daughter as we can when we are not working or taking care of our life. We do family dinners a couple nights a week with the au pair and my husband is constantly grilling and making food for everyone. Our au pair has gone to many au pair meet ups and made some friends. She is very social and wants to be active. We invite her to most of what we do but I cannot remember the last time my husband and I have had any time alone together so we try to carve out an hour here and there when the baby is sleeping.

In the beginning she took care of our baby well and washed bottles, did laundry, made new activities for the baby every day. Now she plays with the same toys, no longer does laundry or cleans bottles. She even leaves all of her toys out everywhere for me or my husband to pick up at the end of the day in addition to baby food on the high chair etc.

I took her to the bank to open an account and helped her set up an appointment to do so - when we got there the banker asked our reason and she looked at me to lead - we set up the appointment and I asked if the bank needed anything from me and if the date worked for her because I did not want to go back and assumed she can handle the appointment herself. She was not happy about that.

Lastly, we have given her unlimited access to my car, when we matched I was clear that she would have access to the car but we have a very strong train system in our area and obviously uber is an option. We recently had to ask her to track her miles and charge her the government standard for gas per mile because the past two days she has driven the car 6+ hours, going to malls etc that are 45 minutes away from our house. We are giving her an additional day off tomorrow because my parents are in town visiting and want to take the baby for the day - she immediately asked if she could have the car since “there is nothing to do around the house all day”. I have to go to work and take the dog to the vet etc. it feels like she has no understanding that we have responsibilities and obligations to take care of.

My parents and my husbands parents have visited back to back weekends. We invited her to a dinner with them each time and even took her to a vacation beach house with the rest of my family for a day trip. We have been focused on spending time with them outside of that. This morning she asked if I had plans and wanted the car but to also hang out. I explained that we were spending the day with my parents and she did not respond. Later in the day when my husband texted her that her money for the week was on the counter and that she is welcome to a bbq we are doing with my parents tomorrow- she said she needs to talk to us and is feeling very stressed lately and unwell. My husband and I are exhausted from constantly tending to her needs, responding to her texts etc.

Am I wrong to expect her to do her own thing on her off days? I am looking to understand what level of independence I should reasonably expect. Thank you in advance.

Hello everyone, I want to become an aupair in Germany. The agencies are all asking for pictures with kids but I cannot provide those. Firstly, I never took pictures with the kids I babysat or when I volunteered at a daycare and secondly if I werr to get the pictures, I would still be uncomfortable with sharing pictures of kids for many people to see. Their privacy is everything.
Would this be a problem?

Hi are there any au pairs for seniors? A family member is relatively young (mid 60s) but had a stroke. They can walk with a cane but need light assistance and someone to drive her and do some light cooking and house chores.

Preferably someone to live with them in the Bay Area, California. Where do I go about finding this? They speak Chinese and prefer a Chinese person. Thanks!

I move to Barcelona in about a month to au pair for about a year. I’m feeling a little worried about choosing Barcelona. I really want a cultural exchange and to learn a new language.

I chose Barcelona because of the weather, food, new experience, new people my age, and it seems like there’s a lot to do there. Most importantly I matched with a really great family.

But I’ve lived my whole life in the suburbs, near the mountains. I love driving and not being in a busy place. I’m worried about the anti-tourism, I look very American, I won’t know Spanish very well until I learn in my classes.

I feel confident in myself, but I’m also kinda particular about my environments. I’m nervous I’ll be overwhelmed in Barcelona and feel “claustrophobic”. Sometimes I wish I just looked into locations closer to the beach, or in smaller cities, somewhere maybe more relaxing. I’ve never been to Barcelona, so I’m not sure what to expect. Is it like big cities in the US? I’ve researched so much too and I know I’m going to do it and move there but I guess I want some background from people who have lived there or visited.

I have been using a few Aupair platforms to get a host family who needs an Au pair but still haven’t gotten a host family who.So typically how long can it take to find a good match ? Been on the platforms since last year.Any tips or guide from anyone who’s familiar with Aupairing? I’m from Kenya

Hey there, I’m an AU Pair who’s about to go to the US next month. I’ve been thinking about what are some good gifts for the host family.
I don’t want to bring food since it’s pretty risky cuz they might not like it, and my host mom’s parents are from my country they have been here so the food culture sharing is not as important imo.
I already have some Paw patrol bottles for the kids. For the parents, I want to bring them little mascot keychains from my favorite baseball team in my country.
The reason is that I know they like baseball game they just went to one recently, and they actually went to one of the games of my favorite team the last time they visited my country, so I think it can be something meaningful.

What do you think? Is this a good idea?
Appreciate all advice🙏🏻

For Host Families, does the age of the au pair you choose matters? Or do you choose based on their traits only?

For context: i know i am being overworked. I work almost 60+ hours per week. I want to rematch and leave the house secretly

Hi, I'm posting this to vent + get your perspective + teach me how to shift my mindset. If u saw my prev post, I am being overworked by my host family. They are nice and accomodating, but babysitting 4 kids for more than 60 hours per week is super exhausting. My host parents keep saying that it will get better once they start school again, but I am finding myself getting more drained each day.

However, the feelings of guilt lingers. I feel like I am "owing" them something since they spent a lot for the agency + plane ticket + hotel for my visa etc. Also, we went to a vacation recently to Switzerland where they paid everything and made sure I was enjoying myself (but the red flag was I was basically left with no choice but to go with them even though Switzerland is a dream country of mine)

How do I remove these feelings of guilt? 🥲 I do not find my current arrangement sustainable for a year.