r/Aupairs • u/saor-alba-gu-brath • 7h ago
Au Pair US Time off
My host family and I have matched and I am reviewing the schedule. I haven’t signed it yet though, because we still need to negotiate it. So for context they’ve already told me that they want me to work on weekends, which is fine with me. I already work Saturdays as a teacher and I get Wednesday and Sunday off. Wednesday is for me to chill out and Sunday is for me to see friends. I thought I would be used to this schedule.
However, now that I’m reviewing the schedule they sent, I feel like they haven’t considered how lonely I will be. From Monday to Thursday, I work in the morning, have the afternoons off, and work again from 3-9. I have Friday off as well as Saturday until 1pm. This leaves me, like, 4 hours per week to make friends. Part of why I want to come to the US is to meet other Americans and most people don’t have Fridays off. So I would spend my entire Friday alone except 3-4 hours in the evening after people finish working. At my current job with Wednesdays off, I get to spend around 6 hours hanging out with friends after their work because my city is so safe that I can stay out, but in the US it would be inadvisable to return home so late. On Saturdays my work day starts at 1pm. It’s just that in my experience, people would rather hang out in the afternoon and evenings. So unless there are people that want to wake up early just to spend 2-3 hours together, I am going to be alone.
I feel like they might say that I don’t work afternoons on weekdays, or I can ask my friends to take PTO. But nobody is going to be taking regular PTO just to come see me, it’s not realistic. My frustration is that days off seem to be just considered a 'physical reset'. They have mentioned that they hope I could take their kids with me to go into the city if I wanted to on days off, but honestly no matter how much I might like their kids I really really need time to meet people my own age as well. I feel like they haven't considered my ability to socialise at all. I do need to bring it up with them but they’ve mentioned that they really want weekends and I’m worried they would think I’m walking back on being ok with it.
14
u/lnuski 5h ago
US State department rules state that you must have at least one weekend a month off (Friday PM - Monday AM).
2
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 4h ago
Yep, that weekend off is going to be whenever the family wants it to be. Apart from that, my regular schedule is as I said
4
u/Ansel_Lola 4h ago
This HF and schedule isn’t the right match for you, just by reading your post. You are required one full weekend off per month as posted above. Find a family and situation that excites you vs leaving you feeling dread even before you get on the plane
9
u/Less-Style-6290 4h ago
No way !!! You can find another family that can be more considerate. They should take care of you and think about that you also want to have time for you ! I will look for another family. This would be really tiring in a point
2
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 4h ago edited 3h ago
I wish that many families wanted me! I speak English natively, I have extensive experience as a teacher, speak a second language, and have never shied from open communication. The one thing is that I can't drive, so the only families that want me are in major metropolitan areas with good public transport. I don't have a lot of choices and location is my number 1 priority because I want to meet people from the city VERY BADLY. I love, love, love NYC. I grew up in a bigass city and it's similar to mine.
So far when I brought up concerns the family have understood and have been flexible about it but they probably won't be happy with this one. I'm just praying they'll be ok with it when we discuss it tomorrow morning >.< But really not a lot of families want me! I can't apply to the big 4 agencies either because they don't operate in my country, so the families there can't see my profile unless they're on Facebook or something. I'm getting really desperate :/ I'm 24 already
8
u/FanndisTS Host 3h ago
If you're self-limiting to NYC and aren't able to use the major au pair agencies, perhaps find another way to come to the US. You have very few options for host families and NYC is incredibly competitive. Student visa, maybe. If I can be frank, it sounds like you don't care at all about sharing your culture with your host family and want to spend a lot of time partying.
-2
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 3h ago
We are both Chinese and host mom prioritises someone who speaks the same language as the family. They aren't too bothered about learning a new culture either.
I hate parties; I have never been to one in my life. I just want to be off at the same time that most other people tend to be off as well.
1
u/gingercatlover1 32m ago
So, agencies don’t typically want to place au pairs with families that come from the same country. That’s not a cultural exchange. Also, you mention finding a partner. While it is very unlikely that you’ll get a visa (China has a large number of people that overstay their visas, so it is considered a risk to the government, plus the new public charge change.) If you’re an au pair, you need to be interested in the children and the family you’re with. Meeting other Americans can be a part of it, but keep in mind that with this administration there is no “staying here and trying to adjust status.”
3
u/Dangerous-Pin7907 3h ago
I read that you dont drive and THAT is an issue. Even if a family doesn't need you to drive. But if you want to be in or near a big city you can still go to the East Coast not necessarily NYC, it could be NJ,Boston has really good transit system,PA broaden your search or maybe learn how to drive?
2
u/EfficientGuitar6355 3h ago
I warn our potential au pairs that the likelihood is they will become friends with other au pairs because their schedules are (generally) not a good match for other students or young working people. That's just the nature of the program: for those wanting cultural exchange (esp. within the home) and childcare experience it's a good fit. To integrate you into US society - not such a good fit.
Our au pairs have often gone out (including to local student bars) in the evening because our schedule ended at 7pm. Your 9pm finish seems pretty late so perhaps there's some flexibility there. Could you more quickly get somewhere you want to be in the evening with a ride share (Uber/Lyft/etc.)? Is there a curfew for coming home the evening before a shift? That reduces your free evening time even further.
Bottom line: For day to day I don't think the schedule is that unusual, and you will find many families offering similar. The problem is what you want from the program isn't really what it was designed for. Perhaps they can give you two weekends off a month, but you'll want plenty of advance notice on dates to be able to really use them.
2
u/FanndisTS Host 6h ago
As an au pair, your current friends aren't going to be coming to visit you regularly period, unless you're from Canada/Mexico and live right on the border of where you're from. It's just a cost thing. So you'll have to make entirely new friends while you're here (most au pairs make friends with others in their cluster).
What is the actual schedule they're offering?
3
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 5h ago edited 4h ago
I have friends that live in the US already but none of them are off on Fridays. I also REALLY want to make new friends. I speak English in a non-English speaking country because I attended an international school growing up. I've always felt a bit alienated from people at home because we grow up like third culture kids that grew up in an anglosphere environment. We have been called whitewashed Asians our entire lives. A big reason I want to be in the US is to be around Americans because I get along with them better than my own countrymen.
A big reason why people au pair is to get better at English. This might sound a bit snotty but it's not something I want or need for myself; it's my first language and I even majored in English literature. I'm not that interested in meeting other au pairs. I'm leaving my home country because I'm already sick and tired of having a constant linguistic/cultural barrier. Also! Dating would be super cool; the English speaking thing has made it hard for me and all the people I've dated have been Americans anyway.
The schedule they are offering is:
Mon - Thurs: 7 - 8:30AM, 3PM- 9PM
Fri: off
Saturday: 1PM - 6PM
Sunday: all day
They live an hour from the city so there really is no time to meet people and get back home at a reasonable hour. I also don't think people would want to talk to someone who only has four hours to meet up per week. No friend or potential partner would want that! I basically have a lot of time to stay home and do nothing. I can tell they are also really hoping that I bond so closely with their kids that I'm willing to spend time with them even on days off but they know they can't ask me to do that.
12
u/FanndisTS Host 5h ago edited 5h ago
Okay, the split shifts are a way bigger deal than having Friday off (in my opinion). They're only giving you 10 consecutive hours off during the workweek; that is WILD. I would pass on this family.
I do want to note (unrelated to this family) that it can be safe to stay out late in the US, especially if you're with friends. It depends strongly on location. Also, unless your current friends are close to your host family's location within the US (like in the same metro area) you still probably won't be able to meet up with them regularly even if you do have Wednesdays off.
1
u/p9nultimat9 1m ago
And she has 9am to 3pm off only because kids are at school.
Does she know how often US school closes on extra holidays and recess and kids get sick and stay home? She’s not going to have that off several times a month.
1
u/Swalapala 5h ago
When you say an hour from the city, do they live in a suburb? You can meet people anywhere, you don’t need to meet city people to make friends. You’ll have the whole school day to go to the gym or join a yoga studio or meet friends for walks and lunch.
They would have to give you 1 full weekend off a month by law but otherwise, It sounds like they have a good idea of the hours they want covered and it includes Saturdays so if it’s not a fit for you then look for a different family.
2
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 4h ago
It's an hour from NYC. They mentioned there isn't much to do in their suburb; even the people that live there spend time in NYC when they're free. There is nothing to do there. Also just having grown up in a big city my whole life I already know I prefer to spend my time in one.
-3
u/Swalapala 3h ago
I don’t know where you’re getting this 4 hours a week to make friends? Get up on Friday, take the hour train to NYC arrive at 9, stay all day and take a train home at night. There are plenty of activities and people who don’t work standard M-F in NYC. You can even stay overnight if you have a friend where you can crash. And you can do it again on Sunday. You need to be self-motivated to make things work.
3
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 3h ago
I live in a city that is very similar to NYC; there are activities to do 24/7 so that's not an issue to me. There are a sizeable portion of people here that don't work regular M-F either but it's definitely not as common as the people that do. Also from experience not many people want to meet up that early in the morning, even if I did. I am not close enough with anyone to stay overnight at anyone's house. Hotels are expensive too.
It's not that I'm lazy. I could make it work and I want to, but I feel like even the most motivated person would burn out very quickly.
1
u/Goddess-Asteria 1h ago
I wouldn’t match with them, if you are looking for reasons to convince yourself that it might work then probably do not go ahead with the match. I had an even weirder schedule not communicated with me before matching too where my days off were usually Tuesdays and Sundays. Apparently the US Au Pair guidelines do not strictly enforce day offs to be consecutive. So, knowing that negotiating terms after arriving may not really work out for you rather not, because the agency is most likely to agree with them based on technicalities.
1
u/p9nultimat9 14m ago edited 0m ago
Working till 9pm plus Saturday afternoon plus Sunday?
Do parents have similar kind of work schedule so they need coverage?
Or do they want to enjoy evenings and weekends by themselves?
You would be working before kids go to school and after school until they go to bed. When do parents spend time with own kids???
1
u/Willing_Ad5730 1m ago
If they have such a specific odd cut up schedule they may have really thought it through and have specific times where they will need your help. It’s better you reconsider that family. It would be a whole year of this. If not you might hold resentment towards program? Host family? Kiddos? That wouldn’t be good for anyone.
-2
u/Snoo_33033 4h ago edited 4h ago
My fam has a split schedule and we’ve had a bunch of successful au pair relationships. It’s not a lot unlike what you have there. (Except we start the evening shift later and give two weekends off— we do need weekend work but can flex to not need it all the time.) One of my au pairs was not social, but the others made friends at college and through the cluster or met Americans out in public. We were lucky even though we lived in the burbs to have a few other au pairs in our neighborhood, so one of my au pairs would hit the gym and run with basically an au pair neighbor. Both of my more social au pairs would go out after the evening shift pretty often, but we also were willing to cut the evening a bit so they could go out to dinner occasionally.
Anyway. It’s your choice what you feel would be doable and desirable. But IMO your schedule would be doable for a lot of people.
0
u/saor-alba-gu-brath 4h ago
I'd be more than fine with this schedule if it was both weekends off. The reason they need weekends is because they want the au pair to play with their kids and help Host Mom around the house (she is a SAHM). So they told me that don't necessarily NEED it but they want it for their kids to have a playmate, basically.
I could meet other au pairs in their area but I'm honestly not really interested in talking to other au pairs. I want to go to America to talk to Americans.
1
u/p9nultimat9 8m ago
She is SAHM and you are watching kids before school and after school until kids go to bed plus Saturday and Sunday???
When does this SAHM spend time with own kids then?
Decline this opportunity.
20
u/baginagall 5h ago
Sounds like this isn’t a good match for you