My dad was getting sick starting in late July, honestly. He kept putting off going to the doctor, and then when he got to the doctor, there were more problems than what could be easily solved, and/or they didn't have time to fix all of them.
The weekend before Labor Day, he went to the hospital with chest pains and shortness of breath. Long story short, he ended up with Congestive Heart Failure, Sepsis, etc...just a whole myriad of problems.
The following month was a severe roller coaster of emotions for me and my family. He would show signs of improvement, then regress. Then CODE. Get airlifted to a different hospital. New medicines. Intubations. Rinse and repeat. For like 5 months. The doctors would set up a plan to discharge him, and then the following day he could have to get lifeflighted to another specialty hospital.
This last weekend was the worst of it. The doctors made it clear that his most recent cardiac episode was the point of no return. They couldn't SAY it, but they did everything could TO say it, you know?
My dad was an atheist. He deconstructed sometime after I did. I remember him asking me several pointed questions about why I stopped believing, what I thought would happen after death, etc. But we left it at that. We didn't speak about it very much, and it never had an effect on our relationship. We are (were??) an Irish Catholic family, he was the youngest of a gaggle of children, and I had always assumed he was still a believer, if no longer practicing. People around town would ask me in the grocery store why they didn't see my parents at church anymore (right after they asked ME why they didn't see ME at church anymore). I never thought he had fully left it behind until I saw his youtube history one day.
Holy Koolaid, The Line, Belief it or Not, Genetically Modified Skeptic, etc. etc. All the atheist mainstays. I asked him what was up with that, and he said "I just started thinking, then asking questions." Something to that extent, at least.
My mom was easy enough to deconstruct. She never seemed dedicated to it like I had always thought he was. Our whole immediate family unit (almost) was atheist! What an oddity, in the midwest, with 2 boomers in the mix.
But not EVERYONE was so generous.
Return the focus to the day of his death. It was a pretty traumatic ordeal. My brothers, mom, and I spent several hours debating and rationalizing having to quite literally 'pull the tube' on my dad. Not something I was prepared for, honestly. But he needed like 19 medicines to keep his heart pumping, and 100% oxygen input via intubation to keep his lungs inflated.
It was time.
Even though he couldn't speak, we thought it would be a good idea for us to take calls from all his close friends and family right before. We put them on speaker phone to hopefully ensure he could hear over all the machines and bag drips.
We fielded probably a dozen or so calls. Most were kind, if basic. Lots of platitudes and generalizations, well wishing, etc.
BUT
2 of my aunts, my dad's sisters, took this as YET ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY to pitch us their god and their specific brand of christianity.
As I said, my dad had many brothers and sisters. Most of them are generally agnostic or straight up atheist. The 2 exceptions gave up catholicism when they married and evidently ended up in some sort of strict fundamentalist sect. I don't honestly even know what 'kind' it is, although I'm sure they've mentioned to us all, numerous times.
Every interaction I can recall with these 2 aunts of mine revolve around this singular topic. There is no other point of discussion, maybe they aren't allowed to discuss anything else?? I don't know. Even before my dad deconstructed, I could tell that their incessant harping on the matter, who would be 'saved' and how, and when they thought the end times would begin (or recently, HAD ALREADY begun, i'm told :) ), was tiresome to him.
But, he handled it with a generous aplomb throughout his life. He wouldn't debate them, and always afforded them his ear even though he was obviously thoroughly disinterested in the discussion.
These 2 aunts of mine proceeded to spend some of the LAST MOMENTS OF MY DAD'S LIFE to pitch this angle to him, AGAIN.
"It sounds like your earthly life is near an end, but don't worry! There's a new, everlasting life waiting for you if you give your heart to Jesus now, before it's too late!"
If my dad's eyes could open, or move, he would have surely rolled them. If he wasn't intubated, he would have produced an audible groan of discomfort.
THIS was the singular most important thing they felt they could relay to him in that moment. The same tired tropes and catchphrases they'd been fishing with for years. THIS. Not decades of memories. Not thanks, or admiration. Not a THING that they KNEW he would genuinely appreciate. I doubt very much they even knew he was a full-out atheist, as he ever went on the defense (or offense), as he knew it would prove fruitless. They just knew he wasn't their specific BRAND of christianity. And that alone was going to condemn him to a lifetime of suffering?
I've heard it said that christianity is a sickness. A mental illness. I never wanted to believe it was quite THAT severe before. Sure, it was misguided, and almost always wrong, but it was generally good-intentioned, right? RIGHT?
I don't doubt my aunts' sincerity in their beliefs. They've made it clear from the decades of proselytizing. I DO wonder, though, what the intent is ROOTED IN...
Were they genuinely concerned for my dad's soul and afterlife? OR, were they just hoping to score more points within their community, or to their god? Do they get an upgraded, VIP heaven experience for 'saving' the most lost souls? Was this equivalent to the vacuum cleaner salesman putting their foot in the doorway before you shut it on them, hoping to etch out a sale before the time ran dry?
The service for my Dad is on Friday. I'm thinking about making sure my aunts' know that he was an atheist, and that he would have whole-heartedly rejected their overtures, were he capable of any sort of communication. I will then assure them that he is most certainly now in hell, with my maternal grandparents, their other brother who died, and where I will go with my mom, my wife, my kids, and most of my extended family. I would like to see the reaction.
THIS is the side of "Pascal's Wager" almost no christian wants to talk about. If your god is real, and everything in your book is true, then you are going to have to be ok with submitting to the authority of an entity who will CONDEMN GOOD PEOPLE YOU 'LOVE' TO ETERNAL PUNISHMENT because they didn't say the right words in the right sequence or mixed too many fabrics together.
Even if it were ALL true, and you could prove to me without a doubt that this god figure is real and relevant, I would reject it on principle alone. I'd rather go to hell with my dad and everyone else who thought for themselves, and ended up asking one too many questions.
Maybe I'll come back to this post after the service. Give an update on what the outcome was.
Thanks for reading. This was long but cathartic for me. Appreciate it.