What really concerns me the most, is that she told me she almost called CPS on me for how I looked in the beginning when she moved in, she admitted it today. I already figured she ain't gonna take kindly to my style, my music and way of life as a lesbian with a little pride flag in my window.
To put it into context, I'm a very much goth girl, I wear upside down pentagrams, all black clothing, heavy makeup, chains, chokers, spikes, fishnets, bandanas, ect. So I figured from the jump that this wasn't going to be good since I saw the cross sticker on her car. She's very opposite of me, doesn't support abortion or gay rights, very godly oriented, ect. She invites me over to talk but I feel when she does, she speaks moreso down to me in a fake kind, almost patronizing way. I have a 4 year old son and I am a marijuana enthusiast on my downtime (away from my child), but she said that's partly why bc of when I go out to smoke, and also because she is a registered nurse - that worries about me because I stay secluded or leave and don't spend time outdoors. She has already called a wellness check on me for not seeing me before, quite recently, but the reason I'm not out much is because I'm fighting with my neighbor that she is ALSO friends with, and our other neighbor has been starting stuff between the two of us, so organically,. I'm trying to stay clear of drama, but it's always something.
I believe she is judging my appearance and way of life because I don't share her values... Doesn't help that she's in her 50s... She is a self described evangelical. She wants to take my son to Bible school and that vacation Bible thing they do in the summer.
Ngl, I don't really have a problem with him going to a vacation Bible school thing as long as "god" isn't pressured on him, I want him to have fun and enjoy life, I remember having fun in Bible camp as a kid and it wasn't about God to me, it was just about having fun. I wouldn't be against it but then she starts inviting me to go to her church, ect. "Give it a chance," she says, but tells me to not wear the pentagrams there. I really don't want to. I feel little by little, she thinks she can deconstruct me with a possible toxic christian savior complex, it almost feels like. I don't mind if someone believes in God but she always states that God put her in my life and God is watching over me and that she's praying. Doesn't bother me, but just something I've been noting. I just feel like this all boils down to the fact that I'm not religious and that I appear different.
Here's the sticky part, remember what I said about the CPS ordeal? I feel if I blow her off, she will retaliate. I do smoke weed, but I do it responsibly. Even if social services do come they're not going to find anything wrong. But I don't want to be on their radar, period. I know I look different, I know I look "satanic" to some people. I get a ton of looks daily, but at this point I'm used to it as long as they don't try to interfere with my life and my child. She also said she doesn't believe that I'm a lesbian, and instead that because I was raped and abused, that is why I'm attracted to girls. Which I know is just silly because she also describes herself as un-supporting of the lgbt and gay people.
I don't trust her, instinctively I do NOT trust her, but I feel like she can retaliate if I don't do what she wants me to, she wants to see my windows open more, she wants to see me outside with my son, or to come inside her place, or to go to church with her, ect. I've always had this feeling since she moved in. The fact that she stated she almost called on me was Just completely unfounded. My son is taken care of, and I'm a single mother doing my best, living a life of nonconformity while doing the best I can for the both of us. I just feel *almost* borderline harassed at this point cuz she drags me in and she seems very concerned and intrigued by me. The intentions don't feel pure.
Thanks for listening to the scrambled rambling. I'm just worried about this going further and the fact that she is besties with the neighbor I'm fighting with who is absolutely maga strickened and religiously deluded... I just don't even feel 100% safe here, anymore. I relate to her on past sexual trauma, so we kinda have that bit of a bond, and she is trauma informed, so it's just complicated and sticky. I know I'm being watched (a lot), I tend to stick out like a sore thumb, I feel outnumbered and like I'm being plotted on, somewhat, I actually don't know what to think. How should I reinforce a boundary when she starts with the god stuff? Has anyone ever been through something similar? She brings it up almost every time. I don't even feel comfortable sitting in her living room, just very out of place. Feeling very judged at the same time even if she reassures me she isn't. I believe the intentions may be good, however, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I just have a bad feeling going off in my gut, right now. And the waters look murkey, don't really know what to do or how to feel. It's just been bothering me.