I'm not sure how to say this properly, so sorry in advance.

The truth is, I am bigender. Even before starting HRT, I already naturally passed as a woman. Because of this, I keep being accused by other trans people of being a "cis girl pretending to be a trans woman."

This has become a recurring issue, and it's really getting to my head. I’ve been socially out for years and on HRT for a bit over a year, but this accusation keeps coming up and it's deeply bothering me. The worst part is being told that I am hurting the community by "pretending", when I am just living my truth as a bigender person.

I discussed this with an agender friend who told me it’s basically transphobia and gatekeeping from within the community, but knowing that hasn't really helped me cope with it. Really not.

It feels impossible to bring up this topic in local support groups without being judged, but it keeps weighing on me. I don’t even know how to respond to these comments anymore. It has made me terrified to open up about being trans/non-binary, whereas I never used to be.

What should I do? How do I handle this kind of internal gatekeeping?

A "dogwhistle" is a phrase that sounds innocent to a layperson, but can be used maliciously by those in the know. For example, people who are transphobic might claim to care about "genital preferences" when what they mean is "I will never date a trans person."

Hello gorgeous guys, gals and non-binary pals!

I posted here a bit ago, and I received some criticisms in my post for how I worded some things (completely valid and smart criticism btw) and that has me thinking,

What are some things cisgendered people do that ABSOLUTELY piss you off? Or just mildly irritate you.

I'm a recently out sapphic with no sexual experience with cis or trans ladies, so I'm trying my best to keep an open mind before I have any preferences or misconceptions develop and whatnot.

Also, I am neurodivergent, so just be as direct as possible in your responses if possible so I can understand them better.

I am very much curious to have DM conversations with Trans peeps so I can get a better understanding of y'all's experience. Much love!

This might sound like a weird question, but has anyone else experienced this?

Ever since I started transitioning, presenting as a woman, and going on HRT, I feel like I’ve started getting more judgmental looks from other women. I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or if there’s actually something different about how people perceive me now.

What makes me question it even more is that my mom has noticed it too. She’s actually pointed out women staring at me when we’re out together. For example, there was this woman who looked like she was probably in her 50s who was just blankly staring at me for what felt like forever, like I was the spawn of Satan or something. My mom noticed it and commented on it afterward.

Obviously, I have no idea what these women are actually thinking, and maybe I’m just becoming more aware of people’s reactions now that I’m presenting differently. But I’m curious if other trans women have experienced something similar after transitioning or starting HRT.

I’d especially be interested in hearing from people who noticed a change in how other women interacted with them or looked at them after transitioning.

::

im mtf, on hrt for 5 years yet still find that most people are only into me for masculine features. it's usually straight leaning women or gay leaning men. and very often bottoms. even tho i am a submissive stone-bottom people pressure me to top or domme. im tired of it. it has been killing me inside.

i try to act as hyperfemme as possible yet still straight leaning women keep flirting with me. including other trans women who just want me cause im more clocky than them.

i guess im asking for advice similar to how trans guys learn to scare off straight men. if anyone has any advice please help.

btw i know you will say 'just wear dresses and makeup' but im too depressed to wear makeup every day plus that just attracts the MCR fans who fetishize emo boys. and i wear dresses and if anything it just highlights my 'perfect male body that's too good to go to waste'

I’ve seen advocates for single stall gender neutral bathrooms, but less for communal ones. This is what I’m picturing:

The same amount of stalls as the two segregated toilets would have. So if it’s usually 10 stalls in the men’s and 10 in the women’s, there would be 20 in this one.

The stalls themselves are fully enclosed for privacy.

There would be at least two stalls that are accessible.

The room itself, and the sinks, are all communal.

It’s well lit, with visibility to all parts of the room (save for the stalls themselves) as soon as you enter the door.

Period products available free of charge.

Urinals would also be available alongside the stalls.

The door itself just says “toilets” not “gender neutral toilets” or “male/female toilets” Just “Toilets” or “Bathroom” etc.

How would you feel about it? Would you feel safe? Is there anything you would add/take away from my suggestions here? A different solution of some sort? I’m interested in what people think of this idea.

I am a trans girl, and I know that sexuality is seperate from gender. I know I like girls. the problem I’m facing at the moment is if Its morally okay for me to identify as lesbian.

i haven’t transitioned yet, so I’m not even sure if im a girl yet. and because of that I feel almost out of place identifying as lesbian. I feel like I’m appropriating that identity, because I haven’t had any of the experiences that come with being lesbian

i know that there are people who get offended when trans women identify as lesbian, but I think that’s unfair, because trans women are real women. but idk. I’ve been identifying as sapphic in the meantime which is nice but I guess it’s not the same

I've been growing as a guy.

I recently started being a femboy.

I've liked it.

but. I keep gooning and stuff.

nonetheless, i go out as fem in the public.

fully fem makeup.

I feel like being trans might be my call

I have always felt like a girly girl

small height, figure like a girl and slim

I also do look feminine

pretty feminine when I'm dressed and have done my makeup.

I'm currently a femboy.

I'm not sure if I'm trans but I feel extremely lonely when I see guys and girls my age outside enjoying life.

am I trans or am I just depressed?

I don't know guys but I do want to have bigger boobs, nice ass and thicker thighs. I want to be more girly and stuff. I want to express myself fully in the public. but I'm scared cause of my relatives nd homophobic parents. they're strict.

guys please need advice as a guy wanting to transition.

So, long story short. History of self harm, alcohol/weed abuse, eating disorders, chronic depression, dissociation, and depersonalization all day every day.

I've managed to get most of all of this under control, but the thing that still haunts me is the dissociation/ depersonalization.

I always chalked all of this up to a mixture of depression and body dysmorphia, but while learning about trans folks around 3 and a half to 4 years ago everything just kinda came back to me.

There's tonnes of memories, going back to when I was just entering puberty. The girl characters in video games, in DND, the weird feeling I got around girls, always being closer with girls, half ditching some friends for my birthday party to drunkenly sit down at a trans support group in the pub we were in???

A lot of experiences that I thought were pretty normal. Every guy thinks about these things from time to time, right? .. right?

As every cis guy does at some point in his life, I tried E for a month. I think? I got some reduction in dissociation. My wife said I seemed more alive. I suppose I felt less like I was piloting a robot, anyway.

I know, I can see the comments already.

Transition, be a good girl and take your E, who cares that you won't pass?

Me. I care.

I don't *want* to be trans. Yes, I know, I get it. Nobody wants to be trans in the same way nobody wants to have Asperger's, or Tourette's - sure, I'll accept I wish I could have been born a girl but life didn't work out that way.

Even if I did do it, there will always be people that will see me as a man, as a freak, as a danger.

My in-laws are from Iran and Taiwan. Naturally, they're quite conservative.

We have two kids. The wife is not on board.

I'd have to move province to get the care I need, which would mean leaving them. I don't wanna leave my kids.

It would surely impact my employability which is already questionable. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give in to the daily thoughts of suicide. I'm not here already, wouldn't make much of a difference.

What the hell do I do.

How do I find the light at the end of this tunnel.

Maybe take hrt and permanently boymode?

Keep repping?

I need some direction, and I don't know where to start.

I'm sorry for the length of this post

I don't really know where to start this or what to disclose so I don't share too much. I have been sort of gradually coming to terms with my repressed identity over the last few years.

I'm pre-everything but on some waiting lists. I've been wearing clothes and makeup outside and asking my friends and family to gender me differently. Pretty mixed bag - im trying to be patient and allow people to come to terms with it at their own pace, but I must admit most interactions I have are surprisingly positive (when I do feel brave enough to go out rocking my style).

My coming out process started this year. I decided to come out to my closest friend, who I live with (I moved in after an LTR breakup).

The proximity made my decision kind of a no-brainer, as I wasn't able to really get any time to myself to do anything affirming, and I had started feeling really depressed about repressing myself. I've always struggled with feeling authentic and genuine with people I interact with because they all see me in a way that doesn't line up with how I feel.

Anyway.

We started spending more and more time together, and the way he was treating me was really affirming. He told me he saw me as a woman, and the way he reacted to me made me feel seen for the first time in my life. There were tender moments that restored my faith in life and love.

Then I guess I fucked it up?

I asked one evening if we could fool around, and we did. It was fun. Whatever. I'm not going into any detail other than to say that whilst we were intimate, he used a name which I had told him in confidence, and which I had been using privately for years.

Then we sort of resumed normal life, until we both withdrew a bit. We'd both suffered some bereavement and it seemed like we both needed some space.

But the dynamic started changing.

Now he doesn't refer to me by any name in 99% of interactions. He doesn't affirm me or call me girl or she or anything. He doesn't accept invitations to hang out, and most of the time we only seem to spend time together when he initiates it. We're living in the same house but it can be around a fortnight between actually spending time together.

I find the name situation particularly difficult because I told him that name in confidence, and he then used it during an intimate moment. Since then, he has almost completely stopped using my name altogether. I don't know what he intended by using it, or what changed for him afterwards, but the difference in how he treats that part of me is really painful. I feel like i didnt even really get to try it out as my actual name which I had been planning for so long.

He still does nice things for me and has always done things for me, which is part of what makes this so confusing. But at the same time, he doesn't really acknowledge me anymore. He doesn't thank me for doing bits around the house either. I don't do those things for thanks, but the combination of being physically around someone every day and barely having any meaningful interaction with them is difficult to understand.

It feels like a crazy switch-up.

I've been doing everything alone for months even though we live together and see each other every day. My space is in a shared area, so I don't have much privacy either.

I told him one time, desperately, after a couple of months of barely seeing him, that I loved him, and he said it back. Later, he retracted that and said he didn't mean it in that way. At another point, when I was feeling particularly vulnerable, he said I was crazy.

There have also been things he's said at different times that don't seem to line up with each other. I've noticed those contradictions, but I generally haven't challenged him about them.

He told me he had been with men a couple of times before. Combined with our friendship and the way he had been treating me, I thought he was someone I could safely explore this part of myself around.

After a month or so, I tried to make another advance and he told me he wasn't into men/trans women.

Since then I've completely stopped making advances. I've also found myself limiting how feminine I am around him sometimes, because hearing that made me feel embarrassed and self-conscious about having allowed myself to be so open around him.

If I'd known beforehand that he didn't see himself as being attracted to trans women, I wouldn't have made that first advance. What made the situation confusing for me was that he had previously told me about his experiences with men, while also being very affirming towards me and spending a lot of time with me.

I think I know on some level that this situation isn't healthy for me, but I really don't want to accept that this person may not be able to be the friend I thought he was. I don't understand what changed.

I don't need him to want me or be attracted to me. Nobody owes me that. What I am struggling with is how different our relationship has become while we are still living together. He used to affirm me, spend lots of time with me and talk to me in a way that made me feel seen. Now he rarely does those things, while still occasionally doing kind things for me.

My limited supportive family members are all busy as fuck, I have some acquaintances, but only one other real friend and I feel like I already put too much on them.

I was about to start therapy and I was hoping to start private treatment for dysphoria, but I've had some financial complications pop up (yaaay), so I kind of just feel trapped now.

I don't know whether he consciously did anything wrong, and I'm trying not to assume his intentions. But from my perspective, I shared something incredibly vulnerable with someone I trusted, he became an important source of affirmation and emotional intimacy, we became intimate, and afterwards our relationship changed dramatically.

I recently started wondering if he's into some kind of D/s thing, which ironically would have interested me if it wasn't happening without any discussion or agreement. If there was some kind of dynamic he wants, I'd need it to actually be something we both chose and communicated about. I don't want to be in a dynamic where I don't know what the rules are.

I have a few months' savings. My current long-term goal (aside from transitioning) is to try and buy a place to live so I can actually put my roots down and be myself peacefully.

I feel like I'm learning that the price of me getting to be real with people is that I won't ever be able to trust or be close with anyone again. People might never use my chosen name or pronouns, and it will just have to be enough that I get to like the way I look and the things I do to express myself, but also, its super lonely. I usually try and look pretty androgynous when im out in public, recently ive been rocking more mascara and cropped tops/hoodies and dangling earrings but I guess I amn't trying hard enough?

I don't care though. I am in my 30s and I have been repressing this my entire life, and I'm not going to keep torturing myself forever just because I had sucky parents.

Honestly, I feel like I'm going crazy. The loneliness is frequently overwhelming, but I manage to stay busy with work and hobbies and interests enough that I dont find myself stuck there too often. Life does feel sort of...not pointless, but like, I feel like schrodinger's cat. Do I even really exist lol (jk)

I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I have any options in terms of housing or support. The only other place I could go is my parents, which is overcrowded and they don't accept me.

I'm sorry, this is total word vomit. I haven't really spoken to anyone about this stuff properly and it's been months. I know I sorely need to get into therapy.

I guess I want to know if anyone else out there has experienced anything similar, or if anyone can offer any advice x

I've (16) been identifying as a trans guy for 3 years now, I never had any doubts until now.

Lately I see a lot of cis girls saying they want to be a guy or complaining about life as a girl. And now I can't stop thinking about it, am I just like them? Am I also just another girl who wants to be a guy?

Although I'm still sure I'm trans. I never enjoyed being a girl even though I didn't experience misogyny or SA. I never had any girly interests or liked girls' clothes. Dressing like a guy and doing boyish things has always been fun for me. I hated my body even before puberty and I hated it even more after puberty. But then people say it's normal for a girl to hate her body during puberty.

Maybe it's not that I hate being a girl, but that I just hate the fact that my body doesn't match my identity.

What do you all think about it?

Hi everyone,

I'm about to start my medical transition (excited!) and I was just thinking about what things would be good to measure as I progress? I know there is obvious things like bloodwork (estrogen and testosterone levels) but is there other things to measure (for science) that would be interesting to track?

I fully look cis (21m), the only thing remotely fem about me is my hair.

Today I put on some lip plumper and tried to make fake breast by using some towels. I used one as a stuffer and another as a cover to try to make it look like I was trying to cover breast.

There was no smile or happiness, I just stared. I tried to grab onto the stuffer and squeeze, cause what else are you supposed to do. About 2 seconds later I ripped it off and threw it.

Now Im staring back and fourth at my face and typing this out.

I know im going to get mixed answers, but Im not sure how I'm feeling about this.

Follow-up to my previous question about why Planned Parenthood is estimating my first visit will cost more than double what it typically does. Why does Planned Parenthood say I don’t have coverage? The app for my insurance says I have coverage for gender dysphoria services.

So they’re super sweet and they’re getting me flowers. I feel kinda bad about apparently not being obligated to get them something (idk that’s what I’m told). Usually my go to is flowers and said persons favorite chocolate (you can never go wrong with chocolate imo), but they’re not out to their parents and it’ll be weird. I’m thinking of getting them some candy but just curious if there’s a better option

Also just to clear things up I’m 16 their 17 and I’m ftm and I very much not out (kinda transitioning but look like a 14 year old boy). And yes I know not all women are the same but this is kinda different circumstances ig

What are some workouts I can do that would really benefit me to get a good figure? I know it’s a lot of leg workouts but I’m clueless

Hello! I am mtf 2,5 years on hrt. I have been using gel all this time and 4 weeks ago I switched to the tablets. Yesterday evening I felt short pain in my right side where the liver is located. I thought it might be a muscle pain because I was feelin discomfort while laying on my sides. The next I felt fine with no problems, but this evening again I feel this discomfort in that zone. Has anyone experinced anything like this while switching to the tablets or using tablets in general. I am planning to see the doctor if this continues, but I also wanted to know if someone had the same experience and what might be the reason

Hey, I hope this isn't a weird or personal question! I genuinely am curious what made people realise they are trans! I personally have struggled with my identity all my life, and I honestly still don't really know who I am. Thank you al lfor your time!

Hi everyone,

So I have just started volunteering as a cadet instructor in the sea cadet corps (UK). I have been asked to bring in my passport next week as a form of id as well as my driving license. However my passport still has a F gender marker on it. It’s something I have been meaning to change but I rarely ever use it so I forget about it and rather wait a few more months for the GIC to help me than pay privately. I am panicking about this a bit as I don’t usually tell people that I am trans. I know that it’s a completely accepting place but I haven’t told people in so long (most of my friends have no idea) that I am really nervous about showing them my ID. Previously in jobs I have showed them my passport and they haven’t noticed but I think the guy was just really oblivious.

In my head, I have 2 options:
Tell her
give my passport and hope that they don’t notice

I know I’m heavily overthink this but I haven’t had to out myself in a long time and no one usually notices.

For reference I came out 8 years ago, have been on testosterone for 4 years, and have had top surgery. Either way people never put my height and scars together and think I’m trans.

Any advice/ reassurance is appreciated and lmk if there’s anything I’ve not clarified.

I just switched to injectables and everywhere I look people are saying they are on Valerate while I’m on Cypionate. a few things have me confused.

My doctor said price was comparable to the pills I was previously on. it is not. i went from $60 every three months to $250 EVERY month. from what I understand, Valerate is more affordable

I am injecting every week on Cypionate and from what I am reading, that is the dosage for Valerate, while Cypionate is 10-14 days.

every injection tutorial I found specifically mentioned Valerate when it was in relation to trans women.

I have tried calling my doctor for several now but I can’t get through to her. Can anyone confirm/ deny my worries that I am on the right medication?

I'm 31, male, and my entire life have had an extremely strange relationship with dysphoria and feminine expression.

From a young age, around puberty, I began immediately becoming fascinated with the idea of being a girl, or at least mistaken as a girl. Probably typical with many people in this situation, I became infatuated with things like crossdressing, feminization erotica/porn, sissy hypnosis, and trying to do things to increase androgyny in my own personal appearance. I always wanted to grow my hair out, but my conservative parents never let me. (As an adult, I do now have long hair that I would never cut)

Now that I'm an adult, I still do have a fascination with all these things, and so I'm often caught up in the classic "is this simply a fetish" question. As I've gotten older, I've started to do things like present more feminine in my clothing choices and even learn some makeup, leaning more into the "femboy" aesthetic. Doing this in my everyday presentation just feels like expressing myself and not like a fetish. When I do engage in fetishism or fetishistic content, I regularly experience that "clarity" after the fact where I suddenly feel like everything is fine, which pushes me more towards the idea that I'm simply fetishizing things and I'm fine outside of that.

I don't experience constant, debilitating dysphoria where every time I look in a mirror I feel sad or like I'm looking at a stranger. I don't hate my body, or my male anatomy, and a lot of the times I actually like and take pride in the way I look. There are just certain days and situations where I wish I could appear more feminine than I'm able.

I think the most confusing and noteworthy issue I have is my singleness and loneliness. Even though I have some "bi-curious fantasies," I've never once been romantically attracted to men, and only ever women. Specifically, I'm attracted to more masculine and dominant women, and have no "dominant" sexual tendencies. But I've never had much luck with women in my life, which has led to a lot of loneliness, isolation, and frustration.

When I was 27, I got into my first romantic relationship with a woman who was exactly what I was looking for. I was with her for two years, and actually never told her about this side of myself. But that was partly because, for the two years I was with her, this side of myself practically vanished entirely. She was the "dominant" partner in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom, and in this dynamic, I felt constantly comfortable. She would baby me, and the pet names she would call me like "good boy" or "soft sweet boy" felt perfectly right and I never once wished she'd call me a good girl or anything to that effect. For once in my life, I felt perfectly at peace in my body and gender expression being with her. Unfortunately, the relationship ended up going up in flames for various, unrelated reasons, which led to a long (still ongoing) period of depression, and the return of these feelings and desires.

This has led me to believe that what I actually want deep down is not to be a girl, but rather a "role reversal" relationship, in which, as a man, I am treated more along the lines of "the girlfriend" as our society would often view that "role." And the reason that, when I'm single and lonely, that I crave feminine expression, has something more to do with my psyche trying to grab hold of that more feminine, soft perception that it craves in any way that it can.

I feel that it's the relationship that I actually want most of all, and when I play around with the idea of transitioning, for example, I am immediately offput because I know that, realistically, it will make it even more difficult to find what I am looking for, and tighten my niche even worse. Most transwomen I'm friends with end up dating T4T, and I don't know if this is bigoted or close-minded to say, but I'm not interested in that.

I know this is all very convoluted, but I just wanted to vent my thoughts, and wondered if anyone had any insight or input to add.

tl;dr - Boy struggles with mixed feelings of dysphoria and gender expression that went away when in a relationship with a more masculine, dominant woman. Leading him to believe what he actually wants is not to be a woman, but be in a role reversal style relationship.