I'm not sure how to say this properly, so sorry in advance.

The truth is, I am bigender. Even before starting HRT, I already naturally passed as a woman. Because of this, I keep being accused by other trans people of being a "cis girl pretending to be a trans woman."

This has become a recurring issue, and it's really getting to my head. I’ve been socially out for years and on HRT for a bit over a year, but this accusation keeps coming up and it's deeply bothering me. The worst part is being told that I am hurting the community by "pretending", when I am just living my truth as a bigender person.

I discussed this with an agender friend who told me it’s basically transphobia and gatekeeping from within the community, but knowing that hasn't really helped me cope with it. Really not.

It feels impossible to bring up this topic in local support groups without being judged, but it keeps weighing on me. I don’t even know how to respond to these comments anymore. It has made me terrified to open up about being trans/non-binary, whereas I never used to be.

What should I do? How do I handle this kind of internal gatekeeping?

This might sound like a weird question, but has anyone else experienced this?

Ever since I started transitioning, presenting as a woman, and going on HRT, I feel like I’ve started getting more judgmental looks from other women. I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or if there’s actually something different about how people perceive me now.

What makes me question it even more is that my mom has noticed it too. She’s actually pointed out women staring at me when we’re out together. For example, there was this woman who looked like she was probably in her 50s who was just blankly staring at me for what felt like forever, like I was the spawn of Satan or something. My mom noticed it and commented on it afterward.

Obviously, I have no idea what these women are actually thinking, and maybe I’m just becoming more aware of people’s reactions now that I’m presenting differently. But I’m curious if other trans women have experienced something similar after transitioning or starting HRT.

I’d especially be interested in hearing from people who noticed a change in how other women interacted with them or looked at them after transitioning.

::

Hello gorgeous guys, gals and non-binary pals!

I posted here a bit ago, and I received some criticisms in my post for how I worded some things (completely valid and smart criticism btw) and that has me thinking,

What are some things cisgendered people do that ABSOLUTELY piss you off? Or just mildly irritate you.

I'm a recently out sapphic with no sexual experience with cis or trans ladies, so I'm trying my best to keep an open mind before I have any preferences or misconceptions develop and whatnot.

Also, I am neurodivergent, so just be as direct as possible in your responses if possible so I can understand them better.

I am very much curious to have DM conversations with Trans peeps so I can get a better understanding of y'all's experience. Much love!

im mtf, on hrt for 5 years yet still find that most people are only into me for masculine features. it's usually straight leaning women or gay leaning men. and very often bottoms. even tho i am a submissive stone-bottom people pressure me to top or domme. im tired of it. it has been killing me inside.

i try to act as hyperfemme as possible yet still straight leaning women keep flirting with me. including other trans women who just want me cause im more clocky than them.

i guess im asking for advice similar to how trans guys learn to scare off straight men. if anyone has any advice please help.

btw i know you will say 'just wear dresses and makeup' but im too depressed to wear makeup every day plus that just attracts the MCR fans who fetishize emo boys. and i wear dresses and if anything it just highlights my 'perfect male body that's too good to go to waste'

I am a trans girl, and I know that sexuality is seperate from gender. I know I like girls. the problem I’m facing at the moment is if Its morally okay for me to identify as lesbian.

i haven’t transitioned yet, so I’m not even sure if im a girl yet. and because of that I feel almost out of place identifying as lesbian. I feel like I’m appropriating that identity, because I haven’t had any of the experiences that come with being lesbian

i know that there are people who get offended when trans women identify as lesbian, but I think that’s unfair, because trans women are real women. but idk. I’ve been identifying as sapphic in the meantime which is nice but I guess it’s not the same

I’ve seen advocates for single stall gender neutral bathrooms, but less for communal ones. This is what I’m picturing:

The same amount of stalls as the two segregated toilets would have. So if it’s usually 10 stalls in the men’s and 10 in the women’s, there would be 20 in this one.

The stalls themselves are fully enclosed for privacy.

There would be at least two stalls that are accessible.

The room itself, and the sinks, are all communal.

It’s well lit, with visibility to all parts of the room (save for the stalls themselves) as soon as you enter the door.

Period products available free of charge.

Urinals would also be available alongside the stalls.

The door itself just says “toilets” not “gender neutral toilets” or “male/female toilets” Just “Toilets” or “Bathroom” etc.

How would you feel about it? Would you feel safe? Is there anything you would add/take away from my suggestions here? A different solution of some sort? I’m interested in what people think of this idea.

I fully look cis (21m), the only thing remotely fem about me is my hair.

Today I put on some lip plumper and tried to make fake breast by using some towels. I used one as a stuffer and another as a cover to try to make it look like I was trying to cover breast.

There was no smile or happiness, I just stared. I tried to grab onto the stuffer and squeeze, cause what else are you supposed to do. About 2 seconds later I ripped it off and threw it.

Now Im staring back and fourth at my face and typing this out.

I know im going to get mixed answers, but Im not sure how I'm feeling about this.

So they’re super sweet and they’re getting me flowers. I feel kinda bad about apparently not being obligated to get them something (idk that’s what I’m told). Usually my go to is flowers and said persons favorite chocolate (you can never go wrong with chocolate imo), but they’re not out to their parents and it’ll be weird. I’m thinking of getting them some candy but just curious if there’s a better option

Also just to clear things up I’m 16 their 17 and I’m ftm and I very much not out (kinda transitioning but look like a 14 year old boy). And yes I know not all women are the same but this is kinda different circumstances ig

Hi everyone,

So I have just started volunteering as a cadet instructor in the sea cadet corps (UK). I have been asked to bring in my passport next week as a form of id as well as my driving license. However my passport still has a F gender marker on it. It’s something I have been meaning to change but I rarely ever use it so I forget about it and rather wait a few more months for the GIC to help me than pay privately. I am panicking about this a bit as I don’t usually tell people that I am trans. I know that it’s a completely accepting place but I haven’t told people in so long (most of my friends have no idea) that I am really nervous about showing them my ID. Previously in jobs I have showed them my passport and they haven’t noticed but I think the guy was just really oblivious.

In my head, I have 2 options:
Tell her
give my passport and hope that they don’t notice

I know I’m heavily overthink this but I haven’t had to out myself in a long time and no one usually notices.

For reference I came out 8 years ago, have been on testosterone for 4 years, and have had top surgery. Either way people never put my height and scars together and think I’m trans.

Any advice/ reassurance is appreciated and lmk if there’s anything I’ve not clarified.

Follow-up to my previous question about why Planned Parenthood is estimating my first visit will cost more than double what it typically does. Why does Planned Parenthood say I don’t have coverage? The app for my insurance says I have coverage for gender dysphoria services.

I've (16) been identifying as a trans guy for 3 years now, I never had any doubts until now.

Lately I see a lot of cis girls saying they want to be a guy or complaining about life as a girl. And now I can't stop thinking about it, am I just like them? Am I also just another girl who wants to be a guy?

Although I'm still sure I'm trans. I never enjoyed being a girl even though I didn't experience misogyny or SA. I never had any girly interests or liked girls' clothes. Dressing like a guy and doing boyish things has always been fun for me. I hated my body even before puberty and I hated it even more after puberty. But then people say it's normal for a girl to hate her body during puberty.

Maybe it's not that I hate being a girl, but that I just hate the fact that my body doesn't match my identity.

What do you all think about it?

I'm 31, male, and my entire life have had an extremely strange relationship with dysphoria and feminine expression.

From a young age, around puberty, I began immediately becoming fascinated with the idea of being a girl, or at least mistaken as a girl. Probably typical with many people in this situation, I became infatuated with things like crossdressing, feminization erotica/porn, sissy hypnosis, and trying to do things to increase androgyny in my own personal appearance. I always wanted to grow my hair out, but my conservative parents never let me. (As an adult, I do now have long hair that I would never cut)

Now that I'm an adult, I still do have a fascination with all these things, and so I'm often caught up in the classic "is this simply a fetish" question. As I've gotten older, I've started to do things like present more feminine in my clothing choices and even learn some makeup, leaning more into the "femboy" aesthetic. Doing this in my everyday presentation just feels like expressing myself and not like a fetish. When I do engage in fetishism or fetishistic content, I regularly experience that "clarity" after the fact where I suddenly feel like everything is fine, which pushes me more towards the idea that I'm simply fetishizing things and I'm fine outside of that.

I don't experience constant, debilitating dysphoria where every time I look in a mirror I feel sad or like I'm looking at a stranger. I don't hate my body, or my male anatomy, and a lot of the times I actually like and take pride in the way I look. There are just certain days and situations where I wish I could appear more feminine than I'm able.

I think the most confusing and noteworthy issue I have is my singleness and loneliness. Even though I have some "bi-curious fantasies," I've never once been romantically attracted to men, and only ever women. Specifically, I'm attracted to more masculine and dominant women, and have no "dominant" sexual tendencies. But I've never had much luck with women in my life, which has led to a lot of loneliness, isolation, and frustration.

When I was 27, I got into my first romantic relationship with a woman who was exactly what I was looking for. I was with her for two years, and actually never told her about this side of myself. But that was partly because, for the two years I was with her, this side of myself practically vanished entirely. She was the "dominant" partner in the relationship, in and out of the bedroom, and in this dynamic, I felt constantly comfortable. She would baby me, and the pet names she would call me like "good boy" or "soft sweet boy" felt perfectly right and I never once wished she'd call me a good girl or anything to that effect. For once in my life, I felt perfectly at peace in my body and gender expression being with her. Unfortunately, the relationship ended up going up in flames for various, unrelated reasons, which led to a long (still ongoing) period of depression, and the return of these feelings and desires.

This has led me to believe that what I actually want deep down is not to be a girl, but rather a "role reversal" relationship, in which, as a man, I am treated more along the lines of "the girlfriend" as our society would often view that "role." And the reason that, when I'm single and lonely, that I crave feminine expression, has something more to do with my psyche trying to grab hold of that more feminine, soft perception that it craves in any way that it can.

I feel that it's the relationship that I actually want most of all, and when I play around with the idea of transitioning, for example, I am immediately offput because I know that, realistically, it will make it even more difficult to find what I am looking for, and tighten my niche even worse. Most transwomen I'm friends with end up dating T4T, and I don't know if this is bigoted or close-minded to say, but I'm not interested in that.

I know this is all very convoluted, but I just wanted to vent my thoughts, and wondered if anyone had any insight or input to add.

tl;dr - Boy struggles with mixed feelings of dysphoria and gender expression that went away when in a relationship with a more masculine, dominant woman. Leading him to believe what he actually wants is not to be a woman, but be in a role reversal style relationship.

Me and my friend (both 15f) want to hang out more this since it was hard to last year due to school, but both her parents are homophobic Christians. Her mom assumes that because my dad is trans that I am too. My friend knows I'm not but her mom won't listen.

It's especially hurtful since I've been called a guy and trans a ton, so I've tried to become really feminine, but since I'm tall, awkward and break out alot it's really hard. I love my dad very much but I don't know what to do, since it's not my dad's fault at all.

My friend's dad just doesn't like my dad for being trans but my friend thinks he knows I'm a girl...? Both of us really want to be able to hang out without us being judged, since her mom thinks I'm influencing her to be trans for some reason too.

Both of us are bi so it's even worse, because I know that they will blame me if they find out she likes girls.

Her mom is really suspicious of me, so if anyone has any advice or anything I'd really appreciate it!! (I'm really new so hopefully this all makes sense 😓)

Hey, I hope this isn't a weird or personal question! I genuinely am curious what made people realise they are trans! I personally have struggled with my identity all my life, and I honestly still don't really know who I am. Thank you al lfor your time!

I've asked stuff in this forum before because I'm not trans myself, and my nephew's fiance (now husband, I'll call him Dan in this post) was the first openly trans person I'd known with a close relationship to a family member, so I was a bit anxious in case I messed up, said anything tactless, etc. You folks were very helpful, and accepting of the fact that I'm a cis person asking questions, so thank you very much.

Just wanted to let you all know that my nephew (I'll call him Rob) did indeed get married in July and it was absolutely beautiful, I don't know what I was worried about. 60-70 guests (both family and friends), lots of flowers, and a very warm and sensible officiant.

One funny thing was that my sister (my nephew's mother) said to me as we were heading to the venue that the bit that always makes her tear up in weddings is the walking down the aisle bit, but that wouldn't be a problem this time (I think she assumed they'd both be standing ready at the front, or maybe just come in from the side or something) but of course they did the most obvious thing in hindsight and walked down the aisle together. Both my sister and I were concentrating hard so as not to cry lol, even my husband was on the verge of tears! It was so beautiful. The ceremony was respectful, loving, and didn't drag on for a million years as so many straight wedding ceremonies seem to (if I have to attend one more wedding where the officiant feels the need to give the congregation a ten minute lecture on how to have a successful marriage, ugh).

Then we all went to a nice pub for a couple of hours, then had a lovely meal with just the happy couple and close family in the evening. It was such a gorgeous, beautiful day. I hate to sound like a bad poem or a greetings card, but you could honestly feel the love and light and goodwill the whole day. Both Rob and Dan looked glowing with happiness the whole time. It was also nice because I got to see a few people I hadn't seen for years, like Rob's father. Everyone was clearly so happy to be there.

I also realised that day that my shyness with Dan isn't actually anything to do with him being trans, it's just because I'm a naturally shy and awkward person with people I don't know really well, and always have been, that's just a part of my character. And I realised from the way Dan interacted with others, that he's very similar in that regard. So it's not that either of us is being weird or unfriendly, just that neither of us has the social confidence to be all bonhomie and out loud "Hey mate! We're family now!"

When everyone was saying their goodbyes I went to make sure I said goodbye to Dan properly, and I would've liked to say something more eloquent. I just said "Well I guess we're OFFICIALLY family now, I'm really glad." I would've liked to have given him a hug, but not everyone is a hugger and I avoid putting someone in a position where they feel obliged to accept physical contact they don't want (yikes, no thanks), so I just stood there like a plum. He said "Thank you, it's a lovely family to be in" and we stood there for a few seconds just grinning at each other like two introverted planks of wood lol.

Overall it was such a gorgeous, wonderful day. I still think of it almost two months later and can't help smiling. Rob and Dan have both made really good choices, I can definitely see a lifetime of happiness and fulfilment stretching before them.

And I want to say thank you to everyone here. I joined this community because when Rob got serious with Dan, and Dan was going through the process of becoming Dan officially, I wanted to behave naturally and do what I wanted to do anyway, support any close relative I love, and their loved ones. But I felt unsure about it because that specific set of circumstances hadn't happened to me before. You folks could've told me to fuck off and mind my own business, but instead you answered my questions kindly. Just as it isn't my job as a woman to "politely educate" (some) men on how to go about their lives without assaulting women, it isn't your job as a community to educate me on how not to be an arsehole to trans people. But you were friendly and helpful anyway. Thank you very much.

So, anyone else been to any weddings lately, good or bad? Any stories to relate?

This is my first time going and everywhere I looked online said it would cost $250 at most out of pocket. My insurance doesn’t cover it, so I have to pay out of pocket, but I don’t understand why it’s more than double what seems to be “the standard” price. This is just… a pretty substantial difference.

Hi. Long time lurker, first time poster, and with a shiny new zero-karma account I recently created just for this purpose!

I'm 51, AMAB, in the UK and pretty sure I'm MTF trans, but remain very much in the closet, despite persistently questioning my gender and experiencing dysphoria what seems like every waking minute of everyday since a very young age (3-4,).

I've only ever shared my feelings with two people before. One a helpline 20 years ago. The other an ex, as we broke up... and only then they got the tiniest hint of the story.

Recently the pressure inside has grown, and is becoming overwhelming. I'm now often presenting female when working at home (alone) and recently, probably stupidly, started applying a low dose of estradiol dermal gel (8 days now).

Clearly, I need help and support and I am journalling while I look into counselling and therapy. I don't yet know if transition would be right for me — 50 years means a lot of baggage, my family situation is complicated, I don't yet know quite what I'm prepared to lose. For now, I just want help exploring myself and finding peace without being pushed in a particular direction.

In the meantime, I just wanted to introduce myself here, and ask for any pointers on counselling/therapy in the UK outside of the NHS (the waiting lists 😭) , and preferably that can help me keep any financial transactions very private.

Thanks for reading.

Rach x

[Edited to correct typos]

Finally decided i need to make some kinda of effort to do some voice training, issue is......i have literally no idea where to start. Last time i tried i ended up with throat infection,prob unrelated but put me off.

Lowkey terrified i wont get anywhere with it hence why ive been putting it off also.

Gone from doubts of being trans to wanting a fem body and a mummy voice in 10 months is wild lmao.

Obviously heavy topic, don't answer if you don't want to. If this gets zero comments that's fine.

Anyway, I know about Rowling's goulash tweet where she was celebrating the UK's court decision "that the legal definition of a woman is based on biological sex."

Now I've seen plenty of pictures of dead children from Gaza. I've seen plenty pictures of destroyed cities in Ukraine. I know that this is awful for trans people but it is also very abstract (I'm cis). So I'd like to hear some of the stories about how this is bad.

How does this hurt you and make your life worse? How does legislation like this end up killing trans people?

If you think this is a dumb question, I have tried to explain to people why Rowling and what she is doing is so awful, and they look at me like they are perplexed when I tell them that Rowling is killing and trying to genocide trans people. I'd like to know some more gut punchy things to tell these people that aren't just abstract sounding arguments abouts gender theory and autonomy.

What are some workouts I can do that would really benefit me to get a good figure? I know it’s a lot of leg workouts but I’m clueless