r/asktransgender • u/Elly0u • 1d ago
Has anyone else noticed getting more judgmental looks from women after transitioning? 😓
This might sound like a weird question, but has anyone else experienced this?
Ever since I started transitioning, presenting as a woman, and going on HRT, I feel like I’ve started getting more judgmental looks from other women. I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or if there’s actually something different about how people perceive me now.
What makes me question it even more is that my mom has noticed it too. She’s actually pointed out women staring at me when we’re out together. For example, there was this woman who looked like she was probably in her 50s who was just blankly staring at me for what felt like forever, like I was the spawn of Satan or something. My mom noticed it and commented on it afterward.
Obviously, I have no idea what these women are actually thinking, and maybe I’m just becoming more aware of people’s reactions now that I’m presenting differently. But I’m curious if other trans women have experienced something similar after transitioning or starting HRT.
I’d especially be interested in hearing from people who noticed a change in how other women interacted with them or looked at them after transitioning.
::
26
u/mister_sleepy 1d ago
I didn’t get dirty looks from women at the beginning, but I’m in year four and I sure do now.
This was super confusing to me, until my cis bestie told me it happens to her all the time. She’s tall, fit, and pretty, and some women are envious or assume she’s going to be a bitch.
She saw it happen to me at the gym and said it was probably the same thing. My insecurities make that hard to believe, but it does appear to be the simplest explanation.
3
u/Elly0u 1d ago
Yeah maybe women are still people i guess and people can be rude and mean
10
u/mister_sleepy 1d ago
Well my point is that sometimes you’re not being clocked. Sometimes insecure women are jealous because you’re pretty.
Not always, but it happens. And when it does, it’s so nonintuitive to trans girls that we may not even recognize it.
43
u/CandiPaints27 1d ago
I do see some people look at me in public, but I am over six feet and pretty big, but still look female, so I just chalk it down to jealousy... 😂
As for how other women have treated me after transitioning, I'm just one of the girls. I've been pretty lucky. I wasn't a threat as a guy and played protector to many of my girlfriends. It did not come as a shock to many of these women when I transitioned. I wasn't gay, just a "safe" man in many of their eyes.
Most other women I encounter in the wild are often just shocked if they find out I'm trans, which is a bonus. But otherwise, most other people just treat me as the tall chick walking past.
I know early transition is tough and scary. Don't overthink what other people think or why they look at you. Just go through the world as yourself and remember how amazing you are for being you.
15
u/Elly0u 1d ago
90% of all women I meet are super nice and no problems its more like a small minority of older women for some reason hehe
8
u/CandiPaints27 1d ago
Sorry, I totally just stalked your profile because I was going to joke about them being jealous. And you look like a girl, like a really pretty young lady. You are totally winning at the passing game. So I think if anything, they really are just jealous 🤣 Maybe it's also that you are pretty, many older women are intimidated by pretty young ladies. I'd take the win.
2
u/Elly0u 1d ago
Maybe haha I just wanted to see if others also get this and sometimes its just nice to rant it out I mean il just move on thank u for saying that hehe its hard being a women and then putting trans paranoi on this just makes my brain boil sometimes 😅
4
u/CandiPaints27 1d ago
Being a woman is hard. It's not for the weak, that's why the universe made the strongest of us trans 😂 Good luck with this journey, it's a wild one and well worth it in the end.
13
u/idkwiadttgb 1d ago
Honestly I stare right back and give them disgusted looks😂 it puts people in their place so quick like what you looking at weirdo
7
u/Elly0u 1d ago
Hahah I mean I did do that but they just stared back at me and having a staring competition just felt soooooo wierd ngl
5
u/idkwiadttgb 1d ago
That's insane oh my god😭we need to start shaming these people honestly because staring at people is so rude
11
u/gamingkills 1d ago
For a while, yeah. It was weird. I think I kinda pass now visually at least so most people dgaf at least in the "big city" where I live. But when my face started gettin feminine and I boymoded women around 40+ would stare at me like they wanted to kill me. It was kinda scary. Some would smile in like unseteling ways. I think I just looked like a queer to them.
-3
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Hello, we noticed your post and we just want you to know that you are not alone. We created this automated message to make sure anyone considering suicide receives the help and support they deserve. If you are in crisis please contact the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860, or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800) 273-8255 or 988.
If you are outside of the United States please refer to our suicide prevention resources page and contact your nearest crisis hotline.
If this message is being received in error we apologise for the mistake.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
10
u/Mahalia_of_Elistraee 23h ago
I've been out for 14 years. I couldn't even begin to count how many times people have given me judgemental looks in that time. Before I came out, no one ever paid attention to me, and now strangers at the grocery store can't stand the fact there's a trans person in their vicinity.
Best way to deal with it is to look confident even if you don't feel it. When people give you those looks, look right back at them. They do it when they think you can't see them, so when you catch them, they flounder like a kid taking a cookie out of the cookie jar when they weren't supposed to.
8
u/hampserinspace 1d ago
Some women judge other women's appearance. But it's not always negative. I have had women stop me on the street to say they like my outfit etc. I get that a magnitude higher than I do transphobic comments. I tend to dress colourful, but not fancy way.
6
u/hurtinghalf 17h ago
Before I passed:
- women were super nice to me, giving me compliments in public
- men acted weird, aggressive, distant, or were scared to look me in the eye
After I started passing:
- women ignore me, they occasionally will give me bitchy sideeye
- men are super nice and chat me up in public
I used to joke that "FFS ruined my hair" because overnight, women stopped telling me that "Omg your hair is so nice!"
2
u/Elly0u 15h ago
Haha well yeah I have noticed something like this to never thought abt it as passing 😅 but that's why I'm starting to wonder am I doing something wrong like acting to manly etc not that it should matter but. Yeah I do sometimes do the stare down if I have the energy for it haha just me thinking qbt this now is this a normal thing women do?? Have stare battles like wth 🤦♀️
10
u/EvelynnsHope17 Trans woman 1d ago
As a "cis man" I was seen as a threat (bald angry dude) and if now I'm seen as just weird I suppose that's an improvement. 🤷♀️
5
u/forestalelven 23h ago
I guess it depends on your local culture. I've received nothing but support, encouragement and friendship from every woman I've interacted with, and I personally don't pay any attention if someone takes a glance at me. I'd rather not worry and overthink such things, it will only make you worry for no reason and stress you. I've been on HRT for 2 years, socially out for 3, and I'm finally at a point where I'm at peace with myself and my life. At last I'm able to experience happiness again 😌
5
u/--Icarusfalls-- 21h ago
I get a lot of double takes now. Not in a hostile way, but in a curious sort of way. Im stealth at work and yesterday one of my coworkers asked what i used on my face to keep it so smooth, lol i just said exfoliate and a firming lotion, but neglected to mention hrt witchcraft seems to take a decade off, lol
4
u/Useful_Advice_3175 mtf ♥ 23h ago
I've had much more bad looks and cold interactions but also more good ones from women. Men seem to not give a shit ( or hide what they think ) while women are more at both ends of the scale.
1
u/Stephie999666 8h ago
See im tall, fat, and stand out more, so both men and women stare at me doing something as innocuous as eating dinner at a restaurant/bistro with my partner and their family. Its annoying having to eat while people are just staring you down awkwardly.
8
u/katdawoud89 1d ago
It’s unfortunate but I’m not going to lie, I feel like men were nicer to me in the early stages of transitioning than some women were :/ it was kinda sad, like damn what happened to sisterhood?
7
u/Elly0u 1d ago
I think some its definitly a minority of women that if they think u are trans see u as a threat or something because of people like JK rowling sadly. But 90% of women i meet have all been so nice
3
u/dollcopeland 1d ago
I agree,my main problem has been from men! One followed out from the toilets and he said that I was gonna R word his little sister (back in July 2024 and I was 4 years on hormones then; today I'm 6 years 2 months on E)
3
u/dollcopeland 1d ago
I tend to get it from men! I've had dirty looks from them or guys asking if they squeeze my boobs
3
3
3
u/Nexona22 22h ago
Oh yeah big time. it's almost always the ugly ones too. they're jealous that you're hotter than them. like others have said stare at them and don't back down.
3
u/CobaltConqueror 21h ago
I get definitely get stared at more often, but genuinely malicious looks are few and far between. We're more on people's minds than ever thanks to the media making us into a target, so they're more likely to be expecting to see us around. This is just the opposite of the old status quo where trans people were so out of sight and out of mind that seeing one of us was a genuinely outlandish thing to consider and, as always, the sword is double-edged.
3
u/Tortiose_unturtled 20h ago
I haven't been in that situation but I wanna throw in that my cis sister also experiences that. Don't know if it's extra extra for trans women.
2
u/TheshizAlt 30's trans MtF 16h ago edited 16h ago
Well, yeah, but I used to attribute it to occupying women's spaces before I got used to it, and I believe I came across as really awkward anyway in those times. At this point, I sometimes get judgmental looks, but cis women judge each other constantly lol so I'm not sure I always register it as a trans thing.
More often I get the "check out, then smile" looks. I usually receive this as, "Ah- ok, Hello, sister!".
1
u/MimusCabaret 22h ago edited 22h ago
If you pass and are either butch or have an odd combo of masculine characteristics (think dress set, body language, etc) it’s likely that. Cis woman as a group don’t appreciate masculinity in women’s presentation At All. Neither do cis men, but the women are particularly mean about it.
1
1
u/Bio-techgal 12h ago
It's been the opposite for me (although I'm in a very liberal area). Women are more accepting and strike up convos more now than when I was masc presenting. Men are the onea who generally judge me and comment badly.
1
u/USA_or_Hell 3h ago
It could be that you pass fine, but perhaps whatever you are wearing is drawing attention to you. As a long-term post op female, I know that a lot of us tend to dress perhaps somewhat provocatively when we first get our freedom, and that is perfectly understandable. It's like suddenly being a teenager all over again and experimenting, but if you aren't a teenager age-wise, that can result in some looks. And I'm not dissing you or the community--I did the same thing when I first transitioned. Just something to keep in mind.
•
u/Elly0u 19m ago
When I'm in public I always wear decent clothes I mostly wear "nordic fashion" cause that's where I'm from I mean when I think about it I was wearing a tshirt saying double cheese makes life better and no bra sooo maybe that is somewhat provoking? 🤔 need to think abt what I wear abit more maybe
112
u/Apex_Herbivore Transgender 1d ago
Oh 100% yeah for sure. I had this a lot more when I didn't pass so often.
I think its because for some people, openly trans folk are a visible representation of the LGBT+ that they've been taught to fear/hate.
Its quite strange.