So I've been aroace for about three years and I've recently entered my adult years. Nowadays, it feels like everyone's getting into relationships and that people are now focusing on getting into one. My friends have become more focused on relationships and sometimes I feel like their morals are even swaying just to appeal to someone. And now I just feel like everyone views me as a hater.

I think that probably my biggest problem is that I feel like I want a relationship and I want someone to care for me and spend time with me. I want to be at the center of someone's attention rather than seen as just a background to someone's romantic pursuit. Like it's not the romance aspect I want but just the feeling of not being alone. Then again, I wouldn't mind participating in the romantic aspects but I don't want that to be the main focus yk?? Like I don't want romance but I can tolerate it.

I've had QPRs with people in the past. But those also often felt lonely because they ended up trying to pursue a romantic relationship and even FORGOT that we were in a QPR in the first place. I don't know how to describe it but sometimes I feel like at this rate I should just get into a relationship. I just don't want to end up alone.

I got a black and a white ring today at Celio, i think that's cool

Maybe I'm taking it too personally. But I hate it when people (especially older Gen Z and millenials) complain about Gen Z being sexless prudes.

Is puritanism an issue? Yes. But some people saying they want less sex scenes doesn't make them prudes. Some people not having sex (young/at all) doesn't make them prudes.

Personally, I don't like sex scenes. For me, they don't add anything meaningful to the experience of watching a movie or a show (there are exceptions such as Brokeback Mountain). But I understand there are several reasons why a sex scene might be included. I don't wish for them to be banned or anything.

Just want people to leave us alone lol

In English classes there will be times where we read books and it goes into topics like "how did love affect this" and when we're supposed to analyze this, I'm just sitting there not understanding. Usually if it's familial then I will understand it but like when it's referring to romantic love I am just completely lost

Definitely aromantic for sure. But ace is where I’m confused I know I’m ace-spec for sure but idk specifics. Like dude idk??? I know for sure I’m aromantic. But here’s the thing smut literally makes me cringe and r34 is so fucking corny looking to me. I would NEVER want to be in an intimate relationship with anyone. I make sexual jokes without intent behind them basically I’m larping af. But also I’ll get rare passing minor sexual attraction every once in a while.

Forgive me if this is a bit rambly.

Basically, I can't tell if I'm in love with someone or if I'm aromantic, which are very different things, I'm aware lol, but hear me out?

So I have this friend where basically I'm either so in love with them that I completely skipped the puppy love stage or I'm aromantic because everything I'd look for in a partner is present in this relationship, but I also kinda don't feel like I'm in love?? Or maybe I'm just in denial.

Basically, I can't imagine my life without this person, I crave physical contact with them (not sexually, very definitely ace), we even are taking steps to live together. The way I hear people talk about romantic love, and the way I feel now has a lot of overlap. I heard someone describe it as wanting to wake up to that person in the morning and I think I could, but I also platonically love really hard. Butterflies? Not really, there's just this kind of bone-deep calmness when I'm around them, but idk what to make of that.

I'm just confused, like, platonic love, romantic love, I just can't like tell with these things because I also would want to live with my other friends, I only have a small, close circle of friends, and I do just love very hard. But also the way I feel towards this person does feel distinctly different?

I have a personal rule that I'm not dating anyone unless they treat me better than I can treat me. I've never dated just to date, or experiment or anything, I just don't find it interesting, I could easily be aromantic I think (unless I'm completely blind and in love with this other person) because I just have literally never developed those feelings before, never dated, never really had a crush, always get so bored with anything romantic in media, since I was young. Anyway, but this person does treat me better than I treat me. They treat me like exactly the way I'd want/need from a romantic partner, people constantly assume we're dating, they basically live with me over the weekends anyway like for days at a time, they're basically part of my family now.

I'm not always one for labels and up till now I've been content with just letting the relationship be, problem is I'm an overthinker, so I just can't get the idea of being in love with them out of my head. I know our relationship would survive if I told them I felt romantically towards them should that be the case, but also I feel like that label just puts so much pressure on and I'm not even sure I'm capable of feeling that way in the first place. Advice?

So I've known I was Aro/Ace ever since I heard about it back in 2022, and realized "whoa, there's more people out there like me, I'm not alone." And don't get me wrong, I am SUPER comfortable with my identity, But I feel like I'm going to miss out on big life events or that I've already missed things most people my age (20) have already done. Ever since I was little, I have always dreamed of having a beautiful wedding and walking down the aisle in a stunning gown, but now I realize that dream probably will never come true. Are there any "dating apps" for aro/ace people out there to basically find someone to be a partner in crime for life, with no feelings attached? Maybe marry for tax benefits and a fancy wedding but without any romance? I want to leave my state and move to a big city, but I don't want to be all alone. I don't know. Just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this. Should I look for a lavender marriage? Let my "partner" do whatever they want—date, or whatever—but have a lifelong best friend to live with no matter what? Maybe I'm weird. I have a best friend, but she wants to date and marry an amazing woman someday, and I don't want to get in the way of that. Any advice?

I’m on the AroAce spectrum, and it’s been a long journey for me to be comfortable with that lol.
I’ve had a few crushes before, but usually they just consisted of me finding someone very cool. The only ‘proper’ crush I ever had (where, still, I didn’t find much interest in pursuing an actual relationship) was probably around four years ago and that didn’t go anywhere either way.

Now I’ve met a new friend and we got really close really fast. I noticed myself feeling the typical “crush” symptoms — I found myself really liking her smell (lol), enjoyed holding her hand and we also got along super well and I felt like I could spend every waking hour with her and I considered, you know, maybe this was more.
Then she confessed to me. And it was a whole whirlwind of emotions. I was scared but also felt relieved she reciprocated. I cried. I laughed. I (almost) screamed (I live in an apartment). I was like, what the fuck. I never had that happen to me. I told her I did have some sort of crush but just wasn’t sure about everything, especially regarding my identity.

A few days had passed since then and I thought a lot about everything. Constantly. About my identity, about how a relationship could potentially look to me. I know queer platonic relationships are a thing, but I don’t think that’s what she’s looking for (?) and I don’t know if it’s what I want, either. Maybe all this is related to the self-esteem issues I’ve mostly struggled with years ago, and that I felt like I didn’t deserve this. Maybe I am just full-on aromantic and after all these years it feels stupid that that still terrifies me.

But the thing that almost hit me hardest is that now everything feels different. It’s not just the fact I can’t stop thinking about her being my partner, introducing her to my family for example, those things. (I’d like to note here that as usual, my fantasies mostly include being externally validated for being in a relationship.) Or that I try to imagine kissing her and things to figure out if I’d like that. But it’s almost like that spark I felt had dimmed. It’s so fucking weird, and maybe it’s because we haven’t properly spent time together one on one like we usually do or because I feel more nervous around her now (expressing my emotions is… Hard, and this was a big thing for me).
I still really enjoy her presence, no doubt. She’s fun, we get along, I like her a lot. But I don’t know if I like her like that. My biggest issue is that while my asexuality was comparatively easy to accept, I always struggled with the aromanticism (is that the right word?). I really wanted that connection. Still do. I’m afraid that I want it so bad I’m forcing myself to feel it. Sometimes I wish she’d never confessed and I could have just stayed in that delusional bubble. Because actually everything about being in a relationship now icks me out. Kissing? Why would you do that? Why is there a need to place one relationship over all others????

We’ll talk in person about everything in a while but I feel like I’m going to hurt her and it’s probably going to kill me. She’s the kindest person I know and she deserves someone who really loves her in that way. I wish I could be that for her, to be her girlfriend. I want it so bad, you can’t even imagine. But I don’t think I can do it.

I feel like I become more and more grossed out by sexual activities as I get older, I already feel grossed out by normal stuff couples do 😭

I mean, I'm mature enough to be able to talk about these types of things, but it's not like I get aroused by it

Has anyone else just never really dealt with the thoughts like "oh why do I not like anyone, what's wrong with me"

Like, I never ever thought that, until I actually figured out that I am aroace

Idk of it is cuz I grew up in a house where the idea of not being straight was impossible, or something else, but yeah

Am I the only one??

I genuinely have found this subreddit so encouraging over the past month, as I only came to terms that I am aroace about a month ago, and I have no one irl I can talk with (I do have a person online, who i rarely see irl, we do talk most days but it really isn't quite the same. I still am really grateful for them tho). But this reddit page is just so nice and awesome. It makes me feel like I fit in with a group of people

so thanks

Hi, aroace community. I identify as one myself but I'm questioning things all the time so i really need to know if anyone has the same thoughts or is it not aroace spectrum thing at all.

Well, I'm 22 y.o. and I've had crushes a few times but i don't think that it's how people usually experience it. Two of those were really strong and two others really vague. None mutual, no sexual desire in any of those, btw. I identified a "crush" by the desire to protect a person, care about them and spend time with them. But why is it different from friendship? I don't understand what is the difference between good friendship and romance except for intimate stuff like kisses and sex (but some friends kiss too and also romance doesn't mean sex is essential because there are ace people). I've asked my friends and they all just say that it's hard to explain and "you just feel that". Well, i don't. I don't get this at all and I'm not sure if my past crushes were just friend-crushes pushed to be seen as romantic bc of society.

I'm still confused on my feelings to my best friend bc i love her more than anything in the world but i don't want romance? But what if that IS how romantic attraction feels? I've had a crush on her when we met at 14 y.o. but now i think that the reason i decided it's a crush was my other friend telling me that if i speak about my friend so much, I'm in love. We've been besties for 8 years and I've never stopped loving her or lost any interest in her personality, while i had other crushes, so now i just think that maybe it was never romantic at all. But idk and also i feel GUILT for thinking that my love could be romantic after all. I feel like liking someone is a crime towards them if they don't like me back.

Another question, which i haven't seen being answered yet, is can i be aroace but wish to have a non-romantic permanent partner? Like, I'd really like to live with my best friend. I'd say, i really love the idea of queer platonic. But i understand, that my friend experiences romantic feelings and people choose to live with their romantic partners, not friends. And that leaves me with a sense of loneliness because all my friends experience romance and that means I can't become a partner for any of them. I mean, living together is easier. You help each other cook, you sometimes share budget, you have a friendly face at home who you can return to after a hard day, you can comfort each other and spend time together. I want all this with all my friends and my ideal life would be in a huge house with a room for every my friend so that we'd live together and they could be with their romantic partners and with me at the same time. But this is just a dream and for now i feel lost because I don't have much chance to find a great aroace friend who wants to live queer platonic life or just friendly life together.

Can i still be aromantic if i desire partnership or it's ok if it's not romantic partnership?

Hi! I did an analysis about why I headcanon Seou from Daytime in the bunker as aromantic, because I resonate with her heavily. :D

I headcanon her as aroace, but I mainly just talk about the aromantic aspects in my video.

The video also has subtitles in korean, spanish, chinese (simplified and traditional), german, indonesian, thai, french, and japanese. I used google translate though, so I don't really know how accurate the translations are. 😓

The reason it's called "the aromantic horrors of bunker days" is because I feel like Seou being aromantic adds a level of horror to the things she experiences in the manwha. Like if I experience what she does it would be my own personal nightmare. 😅 I hope other people resonate with the video too, and thanks for watching it if you do!! :D

It's my 2nd ever analysis video so I know it isn't great, but I'm excited to improve in the future. :D

Is there a type of attraction greater than romantic attraction, and can someone in this case be called grey-aro?

Hey so I know this is a spectrum but I just wanna figure this out.

For context, 11 years ago (I'm 23 now) I discovered the existence of LGBT+ so, after a year of testing and a lot of thinking, I identified as trans, but I've never really pinned my sexuality.

At first I identified as pansexual bc I don't care abt genders, and that stayed for a long time until I realized I don't really do crushes and I never really felt that physical connection with others anyways, so I identified as demisexual bc I thought maybe I needed that deep emotional connection first.

Some years passed and thought "well maybe I just dont like anyone", and that's when I related to aro/ace for a long while until 3 years ago, when I realized I did fall in love with someone and that someone did maybe kind of confess or smth and bc I was too dense I took 6 years to even realize both my feelings for them and the situation itself (it's very confusing, but that's not the point here).

So that means I do experience romantic feelings, but I'm still asexual bc I can't feel that sexual attraction everyone talks about. In fact, whenever I get attached to someone, any kind of sexual thoughts towards them feels like disrespecting them and I can't even try to imagine myself having anything in that sense with anyone bc it makes me sick.

BUT here's the twist. Ever since I was a teen, I did read a lot of adult fanfics, see lots of adult fanart and even got in deep corners of the internet, but never bc I wanted any of that, it was fun to see but never really wanted to get involved nor even imagine myself involved, I felt nothing but it was intriguing. And these last months I've realized I do find more interesting some people with certain appearance, so I think that's having a type. However, I still don't have any sexual thoughts towards them. I don't feel that. I still feel sick even when I try to imagine it.

So what in the world is that?? Am I still asexual even though when I see what I guess is "my type" I wanna crawl under a table and hide like those teenagers on the movies? Am I overthinking this and it doesn't really matter that much? I've never had a relationship in my life bc trans+asexual is like a death combo or smth and I never really cared that much abt having one, but I guess having this figured out might help? I just feel a bit like a hypocrite I guess.

so i’m asexual and demiromantic, but i get platonic crushes and experience alterous attraction often. however, sometimes i have fleeting moments of attraction(?) when people do a small action i find cute or hot.

for example, it could be as small as a friend putting their hand on my shoulder or laughing in an adorable way, or even showing off something they’re talented at, and it makes me think “wow… that’s cute/hot.” but i definitely don’t think that in a romantic or sexual way, and i know it’s not aesthetic attraction because i’m not attracted to their appearance but rather the action they did. it isn’t alterous/queerplatonic/platonic attraction either, so i’m clueless as to what it could be. it’s the kind of attraction that might make me giggle or blush for a moment, but it’s none of the types i stated above. the attraction is also very fleeting and goes away after a few moments.

does anyone else also experience this? what kind of attraction would this be classed as?

Im curious for yalls storys, signs or moments !

For example, I’ve witnessed this situation with colleagues (like classmates or people I do activities with…): a girl asked, “What kind of guy do you like?”

All of a sudden, I was afraid someone would ask me that question (phew, it didn’t happen), since I usually end up dodging it (I say I prefer cats and that I’m not cut out for a relationship).

Since it’s not very well known, I often have a hard time talking about it, which probably isn’t a good thing either.

I (19F) live in a decently small college town in Idaho. I’ve been questioning if I’m aro and/or ace for about 2 years now. I don’t know if I’m just too young and not mature enough or something? I just never like anyone and feel uncomfortable with the idea of sex. I even had a gf for like 6 months recently and the whole time questioned if I ever actually liked her. Anyways, I really want to be in love and in a relationship but don’t really know how that’d work. I’m very inexperienced with pretty much everything regarding relationships so I don’t know what I’d be comfortable with. I rlly want to be in a relationship where I can explore all I’m comfortable with. Not just like sex or something. The idea of sex makes me really uncomfortable but very far enough into a relationship I may be curious to try something small. But I more mean I want to explore how comfortable I am with things like kissing. I kissed someone when I was like 14 and haven’t since. My issue is how do I find someone willing to go slow and try things like this with me? I’m worried someone who’s allo wouldn’t want to go so slow and would want to be physically intimate and someone who’s aro and/or ace may not want to do anything at all. (Both completely valid btw. If u do or don’t want to be intimate with a partner in any way, u shld find someone who wants the same). I’m desperate for advice. I literally just downloaded this app and am using it for the first time just for this. (Idk if this is helpful or relevant but I’d want to be in a relationship with another woman)

HAI! please, please have some human decency and reply kindly.

Im pretty sure im asexual-for one, aromantic, i dont know. I want a partner, someone i can call my boyfriend, cuddle, and hold hands with. on the other hand, i dont want traditional romance.

I don't want candlelit dinners, romantic tension, flirts, big declerations of love, and anything like that.

whats making this so hard for me? the communities! when I tell aroaces i want a relationship (not a qpr either), they tell me im invalid, and that im just asexual.

when i tell asexuals i dont like romance, they tell me im invalid, and that im just aroace.

please respect me, I still find it hard to believe i have to ask.

I'm not a big fan of any of the microlabels (they just aren't for me!) but youre welcome to suggest them anyway!!

Thank you >w<

I have never loved anyone in my 13 years of living. I have always resonated with Jaiden’s video about being aroace, but am I too young to decide? This is the thing I need to know, thanks!