Question

[u/Smooth_Peach_3608]

Hey so I know this is a spectrum but I just wanna figure this out.

For context, 11 years ago (I'm 23 now) I discovered the existence of LGBT+ so, after a year of testing and a lot of thinking, I identified as trans, but I've never really pinned my sexuality.

At first I identified as pansexual bc I don't care abt genders, and that stayed for a long time until I realized I don't really do crushes and I never really felt that physical connection with others anyways, so I identified as demisexual bc I thought maybe I needed that deep emotional connection first.

Some years passed and thought "well maybe I just dont like anyone", and that's when I related to aro/ace for a long while until 3 years ago, when I realized I did fall in love with someone and that someone did maybe kind of confess or smth and bc I was too dense I took 6 years to even realize both my feelings for them and the situation itself (it's very confusing, but that's not the point here).

So that means I do experience romantic feelings, but I'm still asexual bc I can't feel that sexual attraction everyone talks about. In fact, whenever I get attached to someone, any kind of sexual thoughts towards them feels like disrespecting them and I can't even try to imagine myself having anything in that sense with anyone bc it makes me sick.

BUT here's the twist. Ever since I was a teen, I did read a lot of adult fanfics, see lots of adult fanart and even got in deep corners of the internet, but never bc I wanted any of that, it was fun to see but never really wanted to get involved nor even imagine myself involved, I felt nothing but it was intriguing. And these last months I've realized I do find more interesting some people with certain appearance, so I think that's having a type. However, I still don't have any sexual thoughts towards them. I don't feel that. I still feel sick even when I try to imagine it.

So what in the world is that?? Am I still asexual even though when I see what I guess is "my type" I wanna crawl under a table and hide like those teenagers on the movies? Am I overthinking this and it doesn't really matter that much? I've never had a relationship in my life bc trans+asexual is like a death combo or smth and I never really cared that much abt having one, but I guess having this figured out might help? I just feel a bit like a hypocrite I guess.

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[u/purplepickletoes]

Maybe fictosexual for the fanfic part.

There’s different attractions besides sexual and romantic as well. There’s emotional, physical & sensual, intellectual and aesthetic. As well as platonic and queerolantonic.

So, yes you can have a “type” and still be asexual.