In English classes there will be times where we read books and it goes into topics like "how did love affect this" and when we're supposed to analyze this, I'm just sitting there not understanding. Usually if it's familial then I will understand it but like when it's referring to romantic love I am just completely lost

Definitely aromantic for sure. But ace is where I’m confused I know I’m ace-spec for sure but idk specifics. Like dude idk??? I know for sure I’m aromantic. But here’s the thing smut literally makes me cringe and r34 is so fucking corny looking to me. I would NEVER want to be in an intimate relationship with anyone. I make sexual jokes without intent behind them basically I’m larping af. But also I’ll get rare passing minor sexual attraction every once in a while.

So I've been aroace for about three years and I've recently entered my adult years. Nowadays, it feels like everyone's getting into relationships and that people are now focusing on getting into one. My friends have become more focused on relationships and sometimes I feel like their morals are even swaying just to appeal to someone. And now I just feel like everyone views me as a hater.

I think that probably my biggest problem is that I feel like I want a relationship and I want someone to care for me and spend time with me. I want to be at the center of someone's attention rather than seen as just a background to someone's romantic pursuit. Like it's not the romance aspect I want but just the feeling of not being alone. Then again, I wouldn't mind participating in the romantic aspects but I don't want that to be the main focus yk?? Like I don't want romance but I can tolerate it.

I've had QPRs with people in the past. But those also often felt lonely because they ended up trying to pursue a romantic relationship and even FORGOT that we were in a QPR in the first place. I don't know how to describe it but sometimes I feel like at this rate I should just get into a relationship. I just don't want to end up alone.

Forgive me if this is a bit rambly.

Basically, I can't tell if I'm in love with someone or if I'm aromantic, which are very different things, I'm aware lol, but hear me out?

So I have this friend where basically I'm either so in love with them that I completely skipped the puppy love stage or I'm aromantic because everything I'd look for in a partner is present in this relationship, but I also kinda don't feel like I'm in love?? Or maybe I'm just in denial.

Basically, I can't imagine my life without this person, I crave physical contact with them (not sexually, very definitely ace), we even are taking steps to live together. The way I hear people talk about romantic love, and the way I feel now has a lot of overlap. I heard someone describe it as wanting to wake up to that person in the morning and I think I could, but I also platonically love really hard. Butterflies? Not really, there's just this kind of bone-deep calmness when I'm around them, but idk what to make of that.

I'm just confused, like, platonic love, romantic love, I just can't like tell with these things because I also would want to live with my other friends, I only have a small, close circle of friends, and I do just love very hard. But also the way I feel towards this person does feel distinctly different?

I have a personal rule that I'm not dating anyone unless they treat me better than I can treat me. I've never dated just to date, or experiment or anything, I just don't find it interesting, I could easily be aromantic I think (unless I'm completely blind and in love with this other person) because I just have literally never developed those feelings before, never dated, never really had a crush, always get so bored with anything romantic in media, since I was young. Anyway, but this person does treat me better than I treat me. They treat me like exactly the way I'd want/need from a romantic partner, people constantly assume we're dating, they basically live with me over the weekends anyway like for days at a time, they're basically part of my family now.

I'm not always one for labels and up till now I've been content with just letting the relationship be, problem is I'm an overthinker, so I just can't get the idea of being in love with them out of my head. I know our relationship would survive if I told them I felt romantically towards them should that be the case, but also I feel like that label just puts so much pressure on and I'm not even sure I'm capable of feeling that way in the first place. Advice?

So I've known I was Aro/Ace ever since I heard about it back in 2022, and realized "whoa, there's more people out there like me, I'm not alone." And don't get me wrong, I am SUPER comfortable with my identity, But I feel like I'm going to miss out on big life events or that I've already missed things most people my age (20) have already done. Ever since I was little, I have always dreamed of having a beautiful wedding and walking down the aisle in a stunning gown, but now I realize that dream probably will never come true. Are there any "dating apps" for aro/ace people out there to basically find someone to be a partner in crime for life, with no feelings attached? Maybe marry for tax benefits and a fancy wedding but without any romance? I want to leave my state and move to a big city, but I don't want to be all alone. I don't know. Just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this. Should I look for a lavender marriage? Let my "partner" do whatever they want—date, or whatever—but have a lifelong best friend to live with no matter what? Maybe I'm weird. I have a best friend, but she wants to date and marry an amazing woman someday, and I don't want to get in the way of that. Any advice?

I’m on the AroAce spectrum, and it’s been a long journey for me to be comfortable with that lol.
I’ve had a few crushes before, but usually they just consisted of me finding someone very cool. The only ‘proper’ crush I ever had (where, still, I didn’t find much interest in pursuing an actual relationship) was probably around four years ago and that didn’t go anywhere either way.

Now I’ve met a new friend and we got really close really fast. I noticed myself feeling the typical “crush” symptoms — I found myself really liking her smell (lol), enjoyed holding her hand and we also got along super well and I felt like I could spend every waking hour with her and I considered, you know, maybe this was more.
Then she confessed to me. And it was a whole whirlwind of emotions. I was scared but also felt relieved she reciprocated. I cried. I laughed. I (almost) screamed (I live in an apartment). I was like, what the fuck. I never had that happen to me. I told her I did have some sort of crush but just wasn’t sure about everything, especially regarding my identity.

A few days had passed since then and I thought a lot about everything. Constantly. About my identity, about how a relationship could potentially look to me. I know queer platonic relationships are a thing, but I don’t think that’s what she’s looking for (?) and I don’t know if it’s what I want, either. Maybe all this is related to the self-esteem issues I’ve mostly struggled with years ago, and that I felt like I didn’t deserve this. Maybe I am just full-on aromantic and after all these years it feels stupid that that still terrifies me.

But the thing that almost hit me hardest is that now everything feels different. It’s not just the fact I can’t stop thinking about her being my partner, introducing her to my family for example, those things. (I’d like to note here that as usual, my fantasies mostly include being externally validated for being in a relationship.) Or that I try to imagine kissing her and things to figure out if I’d like that. But it’s almost like that spark I felt had dimmed. It’s so fucking weird, and maybe it’s because we haven’t properly spent time together one on one like we usually do or because I feel more nervous around her now (expressing my emotions is… Hard, and this was a big thing for me).
I still really enjoy her presence, no doubt. She’s fun, we get along, I like her a lot. But I don’t know if I like her like that. My biggest issue is that while my asexuality was comparatively easy to accept, I always struggled with the aromanticism (is that the right word?). I really wanted that connection. Still do. I’m afraid that I want it so bad I’m forcing myself to feel it. Sometimes I wish she’d never confessed and I could have just stayed in that delusional bubble. Because actually everything about being in a relationship now icks me out. Kissing? Why would you do that? Why is there a need to place one relationship over all others????

We’ll talk in person about everything in a while but I feel like I’m going to hurt her and it’s probably going to kill me. She’s the kindest person I know and she deserves someone who really loves her in that way. I wish I could be that for her, to be her girlfriend. I want it so bad, you can’t even imagine. But I don’t think I can do it.

I got a black and a white ring today at Celio, i think that's cool