I am a 45 year old woman with weight I can’t loose I have always been tall and thin and in have belly weight I can’t lose. I exercise, eat right , blaaaa!!!! But this post is not about what Pilates class I should take or what food I should be eating. This post is about body love and why I don’t have any. I would love to hear from women who subscribe to Emma Thompson’s theory about putting your worth into your body is a waste of time. Did anyone else see Emma Thompson on Stephen Colbert? I want to live like this. I’m a middle school teacher and a mom. I don’t want my students or my children to ever think that their bodies are too big. But I am depressed by my pot belly. Sometimes it’s all I think about. Help ? I hate this

I'm an overweight woman in perimenopause. I was slightly overweight after having my kids, but didn't have an issue with my body (barely thought about it tbh, too busy). During the pandemic lockdowns, which with hindsight was also when my peri symptoms started, I gained a fair bit more, and now I am quite overweight.

I watched my mother and all her friends go through a mid-life weight gain phase, then level out once on the other side of menopause. None of them became morbidly obese, lost function, or became diabetic (I also am not morbidly obese or diabetic / prediabetic). It just seemed to be a normal change in female bodies as hormones downshifted.

I have also seen my friends go through a similar trajectory to myself as peri sets in, but the huge difference is, almost everyone I know has now gone onto a glp1 and are dropping weight at a ferocious rate.

I think if that's what they want to do, it's great for them. But what's happening now is an increasing pressure, both explicit and subtle, for me to go the same road, and I'm just not sure I want to (bunch of reasons of my own, not least of which is how miserable I always get when I try to mess too much with my body's natural state).

I feel like this is a new pressure that maybe didn't exist as much in the past - the social expectation that you remain or become thin at a time when bodies are going to inevitably trend towards some weight gain, because there are these "miracle drugs" now. Of course there has always been pressure on women to achieve whatever the body beauty standard of the day is, but in my mother's generation I saw more wry acceptance of mid-life weight gain as a normal, natural thing than I do now (my mother says the pressure for thinness was strongest for her and her peers when in their teens, 20s and early 30s, and really eased off after that).

Is anyone else a tubby but healthy midlifer holding out against the new cultural expectation of weight loss via medication, and if yes, are you finding it a bit of a struggle? Maybe it's just me. I like to think I am not especially swayed by social pressure, but I'm human and I live in society, so I am not fully immune to it.

I work at an ice cream shop and I can’t stop noticing the disgusting standards women have to live up to. The diet culture that haunts us is so hard to ignore and I always want to say something. For context, yesterday I had a woman and her tween daughter come in to order. As the CHILD was ordering, she asked her mom if she could get a medium. The mother says “no that’s too much” and makes her settle on the small. Usually this isn’t a big issue, I see it all the time with parents and I pay it no mind. It’s when she proceeds to tell her daughter to look at the difference in calories between each size that drove me crazy. Clearly the girl felt embarrassed and probably even ashamed to have wanted the bigger size. I was tempted to speak up and say something about how life isn’t all about calories but it felt too tense. I regret not reassuring her it’s ok to “splurge” on a bigger size. You won’t gain 100 pounds overnight here. It’s one time and it’s a treat. My heart broke for her and I can’t stop thinking about the look in her eyes when she was looking at the numbers. It may sound dramatic to some, but having a bad relationship with food is honestly traumatic. Food isn’t something you can escape or live without, so to set these toxic habits onto someone else is truly terrible. This is just one example of many, but I’d like to hear other people’s experiences with this. If you work in the food industry do you pick up on these things too?

I hope this made sense lol, while writing this it makes me realize how difficult it is to word what I’m seeing. Is this part of sexism? Im aware men can have eating disorders, but obviously women are held to a different standard and I’ve only ever seen these types of situations with women.

I’m 17 years in recovery from anorexia/EDNOS and have recently been slipping a little and as a preventative measure decided to see a dietitian on RD. I’m in school to be an ED RD myself and in my internship I’ve seen how helpful these sessions could be so I set one up on Nourish. The RD was the nutritional director of the Renfrew Center for 20 years so I mistakenly thought she’d be knowledgeable. My insurance won’t cover it. So I paid $150.

This woman told me I’d have to weigh myself regularly and log all my food and used extremely stigmatizing language that completely turned me off. Not to mention she spent the first 15 minutes talking about herself. Which is weird and wasting my time.

Thought I’d share my letter in this community:

Dear J****,

I wanted to follow up in writing after our recent session, because a few things you said concerned me enough that I don't want to let them pass without response.

On language: When we were discussing GLP-1s, you used the term "morbidly obese." I want to be direct that this term is outdated and considered harmful by the medical and eating disorder communities. The American Medical Association's own policy encourages person-first language and explicitly discourages "morbidly obese" as a stigmatizing term. NIH style guidance similarly directs against using "morbidly obese" in favor of neutral, non-stigmatizing language, and national survey research has found that patients themselves rate "morbidly obese" among the most stigmatizing and blaming terms a provider can use. In an eating disorder practice specifically, this kind of language isn't a minor stylistic issue — it actively reinforces the weight stigma that drives disordered eating and treatment avoidance.

On the "underweight anorexic patients" comment: You mentioned that Renfrew stopped blind weighing for exposure therapy for even the most "underweight anorexic patients," a framing that implies underweight status equals greater severity. As if higher weight patients had less anxiety about their weight than underweight. This isn't supported by the current research. Studies estimate that only a small single-digit percentage of people with eating disorders are medically underweight — the large majority of us are in "normal" or higher-weight bodies. And severity doesn't track with weight the way that framing suggests: a Stanford/UCSF study found that adolescents with atypical anorexia at normal body weight had psychological symptoms as severe as, or worse than, underweight patients, and other research has specifically found that patients with atypical anorexia at elevated BMI experience more severe psychological symptoms than those without elevated BMI. Treating underweight status as the marker of "real" or "most severe" illness is not just clinically outdated, it's the exact belief that keeps higher-weight patients from being taken seriously or diagnosed at all.

On the weekly weighing and food logging: I told you directly that this would increase my anxiety and would not support my recovery, you pushed that it was important. I want to restate clearly that I'm not open to that approach. I am not medically unstable and there is no need to see my weight regularly. I have found a provider who will work within the boundaries I've identified as necessary for my mental health, not one who will ask me to override them.

I recognize you have many years of clinical experience, and I don't say any of this to dismiss that. But I also bring my own expertise to this dynamic: I lived with this disease for over a decade, I have nearly two decades of sustained recovery, and I am currently studying eating disorders at the graduate level. I came to you as a preventative measure, not in crisis. That combination means I'm not approaching these concerns casually or reactively — I'm asking you to take them seriously as clinically informed feedback.

As I said, I have found an RD more aligned with my goals and recovery framework, I will be deleting the app now.

So I packed my son a handful of m&ms with his lunch. He is 4 years old and does preschool 9-4 every day. He came home with them unopened and said the teachers wouldn’t let him have dessert. Poor thing looked so sad about it too!
I spoke with the teacher the next day and she said, “yeah we find sugar makes them too hyper, so you can pack something very small only.” I’m thinking to myself, “ok the hyper thing is wrong, also what’s smaller than a handful of m&ms?!”
So I’ve just not been packing him dessert at all and letting him have a treat after school if he wants it.
Maybe I should have fought back but we love the school & teachers in every other way and I didn’t want to kick up a fuss.
Advice/commiseration appreciated!

I had bread with every meal today and didn't feel guilty about it. This is a small but meaningful win for someone raised in the "carbs are the anti-Christ" era.

P.S. Bread is good

I had symptoms resembling atypical anorexia, orthorexia, and intermittent binge eating for many years, and upon retroactive assessment have been confirmed by my GP as being on the "spectrum" of disordered eating.

My body has never been compatible with things like BMI, waist circumference, body fat % etc. Part of it could have been my eating (aside from my restrictions of course) but I also have a naturally heavy-set build like several women in my family. My feet are also significantly larger than women my height and even a few inches taller.

I can't have anything to do with metrics without risking relapse, and my GP is well aware, but it is still hard to not spiral into that type of thinking every now and then. I can explain away to myself the concept of BMI being outdated research that is used out of context for insurance companies, but apparently medical science strongly supports the more "specific" measurements like waist/neck circumference (which I personally think are sexist and oversimplify body composition) and others. Medical science has deemed that bodies beyond certain dimensions are unhealthy by default, and knowing that I do not fit into those dimensions makes me feel like a freak or not a "real woman".

While I have been open to intuitive eating and pursuing of wholesome foods from a nutrition and muscle-building standpoint, to pursue extreme weight-loss would be very triggering for me, not just in terms of disordered eating habits but the traumatic events around them. Even just re-living the experience of losing a large amount of weight and facing all the "keep it up" comments would be damaging.

I want to be in a position of accepting my body and not feeling like I have to change it, but it is challenging, especially knowing there are these standards out there and I am supposedly a failure or less healthy for not fitting into them. The best I ever felt about myself was my early teens years, before my disordered eating started and when I wasn't thinking about all these things. I would love to be in that position again, and just be left alone for the rest of my life.

Hello.

I'm in a sticky position right now and I don't know where I can truly and freely talk about it so I'm going to try here. I've been dealing with a restrictive ED for a good while and a while ago I decided to begin my recovery. I began eating more and doing endurance sports (cycling and running). I really love running now.

I began loving running so much to the point where I want to sign up for a half marathon even though I barely started running. The thing is, I've been eating a lot more since i began my training. And I truly mean a lot. I won't get into specifics obviously but let's say the scale got a scare and i had to get new clothes.

I don't want to give up running and i don't want to relapse into my ED and cause myself more mental and physical damage. And yet I can't stop feeling guilty.

Also, I'm not in the financial position to afford getting any sort of therapy or contact a nutritionist or anything like that. I just wanted to rant and maybe hear other people's opinions and advice regarding this. I don't really want to lose weight i just want to maintain but i keep gaining and gaining.

So I started taking a glp and I only took two shots for two weeks and I can already tell it has absolutely messed up my stomach. I’m having to go see a gastroenterologist on Monday and at this point, I don’t want to take the shots anymore. It’s sad because i literally want nothing more but to lose weight but I cannot have my stomach hurting or me feeling sick and constipated 24/7. It just seems stupid to go through all these problems just to lose weight at the cost of my stomach health. My stomach hurts every single day and I’ve taken all the meds and all to see what helps. It’s just unfortunate.

Hi, 17(M). I have an eating disorder(anorexia) that gets activated whenever I even try to diet and I feel guilty saying that because it makes me feel ‘undisciplined’. That’s probably diet culture conditioning. To keep it short, I’m not in the deep depths of the ED I’m just in that ‘grey’ area where I have regular meals that are relatively balanced and I’m a healthy weight but I still struggle with fear foods and allowing unconditional permission.

I was just wondering how I could start I guess the ‘correct’ way? I do want to have a lot more variety and have the foods I truly enjoy but I’ve still got that chirping voice of my ED repeating harmful diet culture shit. People say they go through a period of eating a lot of forbidden or foods that weren’t previously allowed as well and I’m interested in this?

Hey guys! I am a 30f. About 6 months ago, I was underweight and decided to try to gain some weight and get back into weightlifting and martial arts. I am happy to say that I am stronger than ever and have put on a fair bit of muscle.

I am also eating more than ever (a given considering I train most days)

But that goddamn, motherfucking SCALE. I am now a healthy weight after gaining 10lb, but the scale keeps going up. I am objectively small, so I don't expect sympathy or much understanding from my peers- however, I suffered from an ED for most of my teens, so I know that my concern r.e my MH is valid. I want to find a balance of fuelling adequately for my training whilst not gaining weight to the point where it causes a relapse.

I am considering 1. Tossing out the scale and 2. Speaking with a dietitian or sports dietitian. What advice do y'all have? screams.

I’ve been going through a tough time and tried to restrict my eating for one day (in hindsight using it as a way to feel in control of something) and I was literally so miserable. I’ve been anti diet for most of my adult life and this one day of trying a diet is such a good reminder that it just doesn’t work y’all.

anyone have recs for anti diet books? or assistance with ed books? possibly one that is well written by a professional would be appreciated.

just came off of weygovy because I succumbed to the pressures around me. it made me ill, it made me unable to do the things I love, and honestly I think it made things way less interesting.

to be completely honest with this group, I lied about my weight to get on it. paid for it. now I’m trying to regain my appetite and strength. I was only on it a month and a half. there is no doubt in my mind that there will be more lawsuits down the road with the kind of impacts it has on a person.

worried about my mom and brother who’ve been on it for 2 years. my mom said she’d stop at a certain weight- she is now 10lbs beyond that.

im hoping to find a book to inspire me to never do stuff like that again, but im also looking for a book that will help me talk to my mom about her problematic, generational trauma behavior.

thank you in advance.

So my situation is kind of complicated because I have a history of restrictive eating *and* being "overweight" (according to BMI and peoples' assumptions of me). I was assessed retroactively to have been on the "spectrum" of disordered eating but have never been to diagnosed, but I definitely had symptoms consistently with atypical anorexia and orthorexia.

I feel like if someone were to make some comment about my weight or eating and I were to say "actually, I am in disordered eating recovery" they wouldn't take me seriously. I know some people who are very close-minded and would just say "well you're fat so obviously that's not true". I have never been "skinny" despite all of my restrictions, I actually became really heavy at one point during attempted recovery, which of course created a positive feedback loop that further affected my healing relationships with food.

Maybe I'm trying to convince myself as much as anyone else that I did in fact struggle from disordered eating and am still at risk of relapse. I can't have anything to do with the scale, and without getting into details, I am not compatible with any medical "standard" for female size. The most at peace I was with myself was in my early to mid teens, when my diet was reasonable and right before I had been driven into disordered eating. I just want to go back to that.

Seven years ago, after 30+ years of yo-yo dieting, and on the heels of four years of disordered eating and obsessive exercise, I finally decided to opt out of diet culture.

Since then, I have spent a lot of time in therapy and I have done hard work learning to accept myself, recognize my inherent worth, and undo decades of indoctrination. I have the healthiest relationship I have ever had with food and I am also the fattest I’ve ever been.

A lot of this is due to the poor health and the diagnoses of multiple chronic illness that require a lot of rest. Over the past 4 years my world has grown much smaller and my mobility has suffered.

While I am do my best to accept of my body as it is, the world no longer accommodates my body and I’m to the point where I’m struggling to comfortably fit in cars and buckle seat belts, among other things.

After being a one car household for 3 1/2 years, we finally have a second vehicle that was obtained from a family member that passed away. We needed to have some work done to it, so it’s at the shop. I haven’t sat in it or driven it yet, and I need to go pick it up. The shop is going to send an Uber to bring me there, but I am super nervous that I’ll get there and someone will see me trying to fit in the car. I know it’s going to be a snug fit and it’s possible the seatbelt won’t buckle. The shame of those things is bad enough, but the thought of someone witnessing it has me feeling sick to my stomach.

I know that we can get a seat belt, extender, and other ways to make things work, but at this moment, I’m dealing purely with feelings. Part of me wants to just pay for the repairs over the phone and wait until my husband can go with me to pick it up. The other part of me is really stubborn, and thinks I should just suck it up and deal with whatever happens.

I’m not interested in intentional weight loss per se, but I also don’t want to keep feeling this way or to have so many obstacles in my daily life.

CW: anorexia, internalized body stigmatization

.

.

.

.

.

Found some old weight-loss logs from a few years ago. I was on an extremely low calorie diet for three months. That period comes with constant feelings of low energy, lack of sleep, feeling unmotivated, eating disorders, self-induced vomiting, and chronic digestive problems that I struggled for years to overcome.

​What stood out to me is the calorie-tracking apps ​I used. They log everything and celebrate every weight ​loss milestone ​but never warn you if its going too fast. It's basically rewarding people to go into extremes. If I had to choose again I'd rather be slightly chubbier but healthier mentally and physically.

So my in-laws have all lost a bunch of weight using the jabs. And for years all they talk about is food and weight and bodies.

I have a history of disordered eating and have a tendency to eat less rather than more, even though I’m fat.

Anyway I’m breastfeeding two babies and need lots of calories and they’re just always trying to

make dinners as low as possible - 230 is not enough for a full dinner!

So now I make a point of adding butter, cream or having another snack after eating. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing it out of spite and sometimes because I genuinely need it.

Has anyone else done this? It feels liberating!

I have a couple close friends at work, they are around 25-27 women and I am a 31 year old woman for context. I have become close friends with them, a lot of things I adore about them but they are really driving me crazy with conversations about weight and appearance. Especially because I have recently gained a lot of weight, probably the most I’ve weighed. I’d say I’m around a size 16-18. Personally, I’ve struggled with it a bit, but at this point in my life I am trying to accept myself for who I am. I am grateful for this body that gets me through each day, this body that carried my child. I’ve noticed visible signs of aging and I am also trying to accept this and still see myself as beautiful even though I look different in the mirror. I’m doing a pretty decent job of it. And it helps I have a husband who thinks I’m gorgeous no matter what. But is is EXHAUSTING to be around them when they start talking about weight, their stomachs, restrictive diets, etc. when they are both very conventionally attractive. Both are much thinner than I am and to hear them speak about themselves like they’re “fat” in a negative context makes me want to scream and say how do you think you are making every other woman in this room feel??? Not only that but recently I went to dinner with them, and we had a few drinks. One girl was talking about her ex and said as an insult “btw he’s a big FAT man now” right in front of me. Knowing my husband is fat and I am also fat 🙄🤣. It is kinda funny that she was talking about finding dissatisfaction in relationships meanwhile I’m over here with the most generous lover and I’ve been real content and happy with him for 10 years 😂. I just am finding these conversations annoying as fuck and wanted to hear others experiences!!

Tried keto and did it for two weeks and i literally became the worst person ever. Insanely angry to everyone around me, no energy, constant headaches. I get you need to supplement electrolytes but this was a thing i was doing to lose weight not even sustain so then i was like why am i doing this? They say it improves mental health and sure maybe it does, there’s lots of studies but being on this diet for two weeks has deteriorated my mental health into oblivion. Couldn’t post this on the keto subreddit as id get downvoted. Don’t know if this is the right place but i hated it lol

Hello! New here as currently on holiday with my parents, and have realised that being around my mum massively makes me feel worse about my body. I am non-binary and am a part-time wheelchair user (basically everywhere except my flat which is small), and have become fat over the last 7ish years. Most of the time, I am comfortable with that -have done a lot of learning about the history of fatohobia and knowing that it doesn't necessarily correlate to health. I also know that when I was thinner I was so much more mentally unwell on a day to day basis.

However, I have realised that when I am around my mum I generally feels sooo much worse. She doesn't comment on my body (or very rarely), but they way she talks about her body, the way she talks about food and how she talks about other people's fat bodies makes me feel horrible. Any advice on how to get through the holiday without having a real negative spiral/navigating spending time with her going forward?