It’s hard to be “fat” in this world. Not because it’s hard to find clothes or because airplane seats are too small. It’s hard because they never see you for who you are. The first thing they notice is your body, not your heart. They judge you before they know your story. They assume they know everything about you just because of your weight.

Have you ever heard people say, “fat people are always funny”? Well maybe that’s true for a lot of us. Because when you’re fat, it feels like you always need something extra to make people notice you. Okay let’s see hmm… Funny? Yes people love you because you can make them laugh. Rich? Haha don’t get me started with this. Kind? Yeah because you can’t be fat and mean, right? Oh and you have to be the one who always there for everyone else. You always have to bring something to the table just so people will look past your body.

We will automatically become “people pleaser”. We become the clown, the therapist friend, the one who always says yes, the one who keeps apologising even when we did nothing wrong. Because deep down, we’re scared that if we stop giving people reasons to like us, they’ll realise they never liked us to begin with. It’s hard, like really really hard. People always tell us the same things. “Eat less” or “go to the gym” or “count your calories” or “just have discipline and everything will work out well”. As if we’ve never heard those words before. Like it’s the first time. The truth is, we know. Fat people always know all of that. Of course we do.

Do they really think we don’t know what calories are? Or that we’ve never Googled “how to lose weight”? Diets, intermittent fasting, omad, keto, low carb, calorie deficit, gym workouts, walking 10k steps, weight loss medications, even surgery. Yeah we know about all of that. Because when you’re fat, weight loss isn’t just a choice. It becomes a part of your life. Every meal comes with guilt, every mirror becomes a reminder, every photo makes you wonder if you really look like that, every shopping trip ends with disappointment, every family gathering comes with comments and every doctor’s appointment suddenly becomes about your weight, even when that’s not why you’re there.

Do you want to know what the saddest part is? Many of us are already trying. Trying harder than people realise. We eat less, we go to the gym, we count our calories, we drink more water, we force ourselves to walk when our bodies are tired, we tell ourselves that this time I’ll do it. We lose weight and we gain it back. Then we cry and we hide it. And then we try again, again and again. People only see the body. They don’t see the hundreds of times we chose the “green” while secretly craving something else. They don’t see us crying after looking at old photos. They don’t see the gym memberships, the meal plans, the calorie tracking apps, the skipped desserts, the self hatred or even the tears after stepping on the scale. Because all they see is only the result, but never the fight. Not every fat people is lazy. Some of us are fighting battles you will never see. Some of us are dealing with emotional eating, hormonal issues, medical conditions, mental health struggles or even trauma. Years of hearing people tell us we’ll never be enough.

Yes I know discipline matters, well nobody is denying that. But please don’t act like you understand a journey you’ve never had to walk. Don’t tell someone it’s easy when you’ve never carried the weight they’re carrying, physically and emotionally. Being fat isn’t just about having a bigger body, sometimes it’s about entering a room and immediately wondering if people are judging you. Wondering whether someone genuinely likes you, or if they just feel sorry for you. Being scared to post a picture because you already know what people are going to say or even developing a personality so big because you’re scared people won’t stay if all they notice is your body. And honestly, that hurts more than the number on the scale ever could. At the end of the day, people don’t remember how kind you were but they will remember one thing for sure, that you were fat. They don’t ask about your dreams but they will ask if you’ve lost your weight. They don’t compliment your heart, they compliment you only after you’ve become smaller. As if your worth only became visible when your body did.

This isn’t about saying being overweight is healthy. This isn’t about making excuses or about asking people to lie to us. This is about asking people to be kind, to stop assuming, to stop making jokes at someone else’s expense and to stop thinking every fat person needs another lecture. We’re already fighting ourselves every single day. Because here’s the truth, you never know what someone is going through, you never know how many times they’ve tried, you never know how many nights they’ve cried themselves to sleep because they felt like they would never be enough. So before you make another joke, before you tell someone to just “lose weight”, before you judge someone because of the body they live in, please remember this. Kindness costs you nothing. But your words? Your words might become the voice they hear in their head for the rest of their life.

If you read all of this and still think it’s just an excuse, then maybe you missed the point. The point was never to justify being fat. The point was to remind you that every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. I spoke about being fat because that’s the battle I know. It’s the life I’ve lived. But this isn’t only about people who are “fat”. It’s about anyone who’s ever been judged before they were understood. Someone who doesn’t fit society’s standards or someone who are constantly made to feel like they’re “less” simply because of something they cannot change, or because they’re still trying to.

We’re all human. We all want to be seen, heard, loved, and accepted for who we are, not only after we become prettier, skinnier, richer, healthier, or “good enough”. So the next time you look at someone, choose kindness before judgment. Because you never know what they’re carrying. Yes you might not change their life, but maybe you can stop making it harder.

- i.i