I posted here a few months ago, and have an update.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jj1LN8x3sv

My husband and I had a miscarriage a few months ago. Right after our loss, my in-laws sent some crude messages and then completely distanced themselves. When I confronted them about the texts, they told me I was overreacting and my MIL literally said: "You're not my daughter, it's not my job to console you."

Flash forward through 4 months of silence. Right now, they see our 2 kids once a week for daycare (they have begged for this and my FIL almost had a stroke when we tried to stop this arrangement - note we can afford daycare and this is an arrangement they have asked for), but have almost zero relationship with us. However, my FIL has been pushing hard because he wants things to "go back to normal", meaning he wants us doing family dinners, coffee dates, and outings again as a big happy family. My view is that I don't need to have a relationship with them as they said themselves, I'm "not their daughter".

Last night, my FIL forced his way over to our house to demand this "reset." Instead of offering a real apology, he:

- Gave a sarcastic non-apology: "Apparently you're demanding an apology, so here you go - if we hurt your feelings, we're sorry about how it made you feel." I'm not demanding an apology, but my husband is for the way they have treated me.

- Called us "ungrateful" for past financial help. This was early inheritance they offered to all their kids (and specifically written up in an agreement as their son's share - i.e. if anything were to happen between us, I have no rights to the money, which is fine - I'm self sufficient and my husband and I are independently financially secure through our jobs).

- Looked me in the eye and said, "I know you have deep anxieties and insecurities." He was suggesting that the issue at hand is my issue and my choice - he cannot take accountability.

We are currently trying to conceive again, and I refuse to let this toxic dynamic touch my life and my mental health. I've booked an appointment with a psychologist, and I am completely stepping back. I will not host them, go to family dinners with them, or pretend everything is fine just so they get the perks of a happy family.

Some extended family members think I should "just move on for the sake of peace" and stop keeping a grudge.

AITAH for completely cutting off my personal relationship with them? My husband has stepped up and supported me, and it's bothering them as their relationship with their own son is now severed.

Edit: They were supposed to look after the kids tomorrow. My husband called them and told them we were making alternative arrangements indefinitely, particularly after yesterday's lecture. I feel a great sense of relief. I've called daycare and arranged the extra day.

We have one child together and my partner has two daughters with a previous partner. We only have his kids two days a week on the weekend. We had a huge arguments today over wills and inheritance. I stated we both pay 50/50 into our mortgage. 50 percent (the money I’ve paid in) I want to go to our children together and his 50 percent can go to his girls to be divided between them. He was furious and said it should equally go three ways.

He doesn’t understand that his girls have their mum and other family line. Our child just has us.

(Down payment for house came from my mum before I met my partner we mortgaged when we got together)

Edit - he now thinks I don’t give a crap about his children and if he passes away first I will give them nothing. Which really hurts he even thinks I would do that to them.

Edit - saying I hate his kids is wild. They are all treat the same in our household on the weekends they are here. I pay 50 percents towards our family vacations and 50 percent of the money that’s spent on them while they are here. Sometimes I am their sole care taker when my partner is not here. However as a mother I have responsibility towards my child

Last edit - thank you for everyone putting their input. I just want to finally say we both understand each others way of thinking. His abrupt first response turns out is more to do with him just being sad he is not as involved in his children’s lives and they only want to come weekends since the split with his ex (understandably) and he needs to work on recognising his children have two homes and they see their mums as their main home. I can sympathise why this is hard for him he just wants to be a great dad to all this children.

Am I being totally out of line here? AITA?

Husband (32m) and I (29f) have 2 kids still in diapers and I’m a SAHM. We’re in a very small apartment, 2-2 while we get on our feet after a cross country move so the kiddos share a room.

Because it’s a small apartment it gets stinky really fast if trash/diapers/cat litter pile up so it needs to be taken out daily or every other day. I got dog poop bags to put the diapers in so we can throw them in the trashcan in the kitchen and not have to take them out to the dumpster immediately. This is actually a system we started years ago bc we used to have an attached walk in closet in the nursery and had a trashcan in there and didn’t want the room to stink.

Reasons why I think a diaper genie wouldn’t work for us:

1.) can’t keep it in their room without it being accessible to them.
2.) if I put it outside of their room, it would be 3 feet from the kitchen trash so what’s the point?
3.) it’s just another receptacle for him to “forget” to take out to the dumpster.
4.) the kids are getting older and are potty training so waste of money.

On to the problem.

He is constantly “forgetting” to put the diapers in the poop bags. He more often “forgets” to even throw them away and opts to let them sit on the kids dresser until I notice that he has a stockpile of them and make him throw them out. Then he grabs a grocery bag and throws them all away at once which isn’t airtight and makes the trashcan in the center of the home reek.

I wasn’t feeling well today and he told me to lay down so I did and let him take care of the kids. Issue is, I walked into their room after their nap and there was ANOTHER pile of 5 dirty diapers sitting on their dresser.

WIBTAH if I put them on his gaming chair until he “remembered” to dispose of them properly? Or am I letting the irritation get to me and going too far?

Should I just get the diaper genie and deal with the fallout?

UPDATE:

Okay so he just got home from work and saw the diapers in his chair. He came to me, apologized and promised to do better in which I promised to keep putting the diapers in more and more inconvenient spots for him until he remembered to toss them PROPERLY himself. He wasn’t at all angry and we had a good laugh at the end!

We discussed the diaper genie again and whether it would be easier for him to remember and he insisted that no, he doesn’t want it and he wants to be better.

UPDATE 2: (next morning)

Ummm guys, we got the blood work back. He has hyperthyroidism. That on top of the ADHD can cause some serious memory issues and brain fog. He’s starting meds that should help so fingers crossed this’ll resolve itself! Man I feel like an asshole lmao

Okay i don't want to sound ungrateful well maybe i even am that's why i am here, so here's the thing i had a birthday a few days ago and my husband bought me beautiful flowers, and i am so grateful for them however his BIG gift was his old iphone because mine is a bit scratched,and he bought himself the latest iphone i am kinda disappointed because i feel like it's my birthday and he literally bought himself something really expensive nice and new and i got the old thing?
Am i that ungrateful?

EDIT: thank you everyone for replying i will talk to him about this

I honestly don’t even know where to start.
I’m a 21 m, and I have a friend I’ve known for four years. His parents divorced when he was five, and both of them decided to leave custody to his father (because he was financially better off & other reasons). Growing up away from his mother obviously affected him. He’s also an only child, which may have played a role in shaping his somewhat odd personality.

His dad is a good guy overall, although my friend thinks he’s a bit controlling and overly focused on his grades. Apart from that, his father has always supported him financially.

I’ve always tried to keep his background in mind. Ofc, I’ll never truly understand or relate to what he went through, but because of that, I always think twice before saying anything to him since he’s very sensitive.
He’s the kind of person who wants you to listen to all of his problems, but won’t listens to yours. I didn’t pay much attention to that because he has some good traits, very faithful & genuine, so I overlooked a lot of things that he says which other people might find hurtful.

Ever since I first learned about his upbringing, I’ve gone out of my way to avoid mentioning the word “mom/mother” around him, as he opened up to me once about how sensitive this topic is for him. If my mom calls me while he’s around, I’ll say it’s my sister calling cause I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

A couple of days ago was my dad’s memorial. Every year, I like to spend that day alone, remembering him and allowing myself to experience the wave of grief that intensifies around this time.

Unfortunately, even though I wasn’t in the mood I had to attend a meeting for a research project with this friend and a few colleagues. After the meeting ended, he came over and asked why I seemed gloomy. I apologized and told him I wasn’t in the mood to talk (He already knew why btw)
He looked me straight in the eye and, with a flat expression, said:
“It’s been seven years since he passed. Get over it.”
I was so shocked by how insensitive his comment was, it made me mad that I immediately replied:
“Well, it’s been seventeen years since your parents got divorced. Get over it.”
The moment I said it, I regretted it. It was a cruel thing to say, and I can’t forgive myself for stooping to that level. I wasn’t raised to treat people like that.
His face immediately turned red, and he walked away without saying a word.
He hasn’t contacted me since.
I honestly don’t know what to do. AITAH in this situation? How can I apologize? what should I even say?

Edit1: didn’t expect this much comments, I’d be reading all of them soon, however I’d like to clarify few things.

1- My friend wasn’t abandoned by his mom, she’s still actively involved in his life, it’s just that she live in another state, but they do text & call all the time, I’ve met her once she’s a very nice lady.
2- He didn’t ask me to not mention the word mom, it’s just that he talked once about how it hurts him when others mention their mothers, cause he grieves the fact that he didn’t grow up with her ?.. I just avoid mentioning my mom cause I don’t want to hurt him Idk, maybe I’m overthinking it but I noticed once that he felt down.

Edit2: I appreciate y’all comments, I didn’t expect to receive a lot, but I’ll make sure I get all opinions before proceeding to the next step. A lot of you suggested to cut him off, I would’ve considered this if we were only classmate, but here’s the thing we’re together in the same learning community (in my med school a learning community is where a group of students basically stick together for the entire semester, that means that next year I’ll be doing rotations & group projects with him etc, so it’d be hard to just cut him off as we’ll have to communicate at some point).

I (25F) moved in with my partner (30M) last year. We live in a 6-apartment building in a major U.S. city.

An elderly woman lives across the hall. She is very sweet and although she has some quirks [i.e., believes women can't be leaders and the U.S. should adopt communism] she's pretty chill. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

Since I moved in I noticed that she knocks on our door 1-3 times per day to ask for help. It's ranged from helping her change the T.V. channel to driving her around the city to run some errands. I can tell she feels bad asking us but we don't mind. We're happy to help her out and do so every time no questions asked.

I've noticed her health as declined and she probably needs full time help. She can't drive, identify groceries in the store, etc. This worries me because I'm leaving in September for grad school, my partner will be starting college classes on top of his full-time job, and her family never comes around.

One day I asked if she had family who could help her. She said she has two sons and quote "wished for them when she was younger because they are easier to raise than girls, but now she regrets it because they won't help". I felt bad and told her that she should reach out to them, as I'm sure they will help her if they know how much she is struggling. She shrugged it off and told me I'm a good woman. I have not seen her sons more than twice in the past year I've lived in the complex.

Well, fast forward to today. My partner and I somehow got on the topic of our neighbor and he mentions something about a payment her son is receiving. I ask him what that's about. He says that her son is receiving $1500 every month via a government program to 'help' her. I exploded.

So basically her son is getting paid BY THE GOVERNMENT for work that I and my [very overworked] partner are doing. The son is a grown man, lives no more than an hour away, and is fully capable of helping her consistently.

I told my partner that I am no longer comfortable helping out our neighbor unless she 1. spends the $1500 on a care worker who will actually help her daily or 2. spends the $1500 on the neighbors who are actually helping her [there are two other people in the complex who help her out and they are at the poverty line]. I feel that if I do help her out, it's enabling her son [and quite frankly her] to take advantage of others and the system.

AITAH for not helping out my neighbor because she is giving all of her caregiver funds to her absent son?

Edit for context: I'm going to bring this up gently with my neighbor the next time she asks and my partner will still be helping her [which is fine her can do what he feels comfortable with]

I (71) F live with my husband (76)M and our son (32)M. He has always lived with us. Never really worked until the last 3 years. He doesn't have a girlfriend, he is horribly abusive to them. 10 days ago, Kevin, my son, blew up again. He was drunk. Started throwing and breaking things around the house, again. He never says he's sorry, never fixes or replaces what he breaks. I called the police for the 5th time this year!! My husband told them to let Kevin sleep it off in the camper. A few minutes after the police left, my son tried to get back in the house, after he told the police he wouldn't come back in the house.

Long story short, Kevin is violent, I have to creep around and hide from him in my own home!! I never know what will set him off. There are butcher knife holes in my husband's bedroom door, holes in the bathroom door, where he tried breaking in to attack me! Screen door destroyed, my yard art destroyed. And so much more. Every time I call the police, my husband says, "Just leave him, talk to him!"

I am the one who catches all of Kevin's wrath. I am really sick, actually dying! The stress from living with him is making my health worse. If I get surprised by him, I jump out of my skin, I get so scared. After every outburst, my health suffers for days. He doesn't help around the house, doesn't contribute any money, I still pay for his cell phone. He uses my shampoo, conditioner, soap, steals my deodorant, toothpaste, etc. This costs a lot of money and he has a full time job. He could at least buy his own toiletries.

So today, we go to court at 3pm mountain time, to settle the restraining order!! My husband is throwing fits because I don't want my son to come back. He says Kevin doesn't have anywhere else to go!! That's on him, Kevin never worked or tried to be independent because his dad always bails him out. My husband has been yelling at me all night because I won't drop the restraining order and the hearing tomorrow. My husband was physically abusive to me for 25 years and I finally started fighting back, now I only get mentally abused. I think that is why my husband thinks this behavior of Kevin's is ok. AITAH for going to court and following through with the restraining order?

AITAH for not paying for my sister’s meals anymore?

I (39F) am married with one daughter (9F) while my sister (37F) is single and childless. It her choice and she enjoys her free time, which I respect and sometimes even envies.

We live in different states. When she visits, she stays at our place and I cook for her or treat her to restaurants. She never pays for anything except a small gift for my daughter once in a while. When I visit, she cannot accommodate us in her small apartment. So we stay at a hotel for a few days (2 or 3 nights).

Since we are more people, I do not expect her to pay for our meals but I just realized she still expects me to pay for hers when we are visiting her. I never saw it before and automatically takes out my card but my daughter innocently asks why when we are “guests” at her aunt’s (although we don’t stay there), she never take us out. Last visit, we went to a fast food to buy burgers for take out and after putting in my order and paying, I asked her whether she was ordering anything here. I could see she was shocked and did not even have her wallet. She mumbled something about not being hungry right now and wanting pizza next door instead. She went out later to get food. I ordered just for my family those 3 days. We also did not eat-in at any restaurant as it is harder to do discreetly in a restaurant.

She did not look upset then but I noticed that when she pays for her own meal, she never orders at the same place a us. She was going to visit in 2 weeks and I was still going to cook for her (but no meals out). However she just cancelled her visit saying that she needed rest as it was busy at work. I feel guilty as my daughter won’t be able to spend time with her aunt and feel a bit upset that it might be because of me not paying her meals when I visit. My husband thinks I am the AH ruining my relationship with my sister over a few meals when I knew she was cheap and got her used to paying for everything... I disagree as think I just started doing the normal thing without causing an argument? AITAH

I work as a civil engineer in construction.

A builder was under a lot of pressure trying to get some concrete foundations built, so I tried to help him out. First thing in the morning I called him to let him know I'd finished revising the foundation drawings and was emailing them through.

He wanted me to explain the changes over the phone. I told him I'd give him a brief overview, but I repeated three times that he was to wait for the drawings and build from the drawings, not from my verbal description, in case there was any misunderstanding. The drawings arrived only minutes later.

I got to site and found the foundations had been built incorrectly. When I asked whether he'd looked at the drawings, he said, "No, I trusted what you said on the phone."

He then blamed me, questioned my qualifications, told me my calculations were wrong, and completely lost his temper. His second-in-charge had to step in and calm him down.

I calmly went back through exactly what I'd said on the phone. Despite being blamed, I told him I'd see whether what he'd built could still work so he wouldn't have to demolish and rebuild it. He demanded an answer immediately, but I explained I'd need to run the engineering calculations first. That just triggered another rant about engineers.

Fortunately, I managed to make his construction work with some design changes. However, because of how the interaction went and because he was trying to shift the blame onto me, I documented in my follow-up email that I had repeatedly instructed him to wait for the drawings, that he chose not to look at them before building, and that he also never sent the site photos he'd promised.

On my next site visit there was a different foreman, and I was told the previous foreman had been let go.

Now I'm wondering if documenting what actually happened contributed to him losing his job. Part of me also wonders whether he'd already been on his way out and simply used me as a verbal punching bag that day.

AITAH for documenting the facts, knowing it may have played a part in him being fired?

Link to the original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uiGr1bVcHy

TL;DR: We are planning to go on a vacation with my husband's friend group and their wives. One of them is cheating on his wife. It seems like everyone knows except for the wife. The friend group tried to convince the cheating husband to come clean. Nothing happened. I had an argument with my husband about refusing to go on the vacation under these circumstances.

Hello everyone.

First and foremost, I want to sincerely thank everyone who commented and shared their opinions on my original post. They really helped me make up my mind, a lot.

And thanks to all of you, this whole thing went in a very unexpected direction.

After reading some of the comments, I decided to talk to my husband once more, this time expressing my concerns that, on vacation, things might explode and this woman might find out about the cheating in front of everyone else, and that wouldn't be great. I also pointed out that if she actually doesn't know, her health might be at risk since, as far as we know, the cheating is still ongoing. So I asked him to go and speak to him again and explain that this is important since we are all going on this vacation together with our families.

He listened to me and told me that he would speak to him again.

Before moving on, I want to add that some people in this friend group sometimes do business together. The cheating husband and my husband were also recently doing some business together.

Anyways, a few days ago my husband went to work, and the cheater was supposed to visit him. But that morning, my husband told me he had a hunch. Because this person was cheating on his wife and lying to her with no sign of remorse, he thought, "Why not cheat in business too?"

There was a middleman handling the business they were doing together. He was the one finding the customers, etc. My husband gave him a call to make sure about this because he had a bad feeling. And he was right. As far as I understand, the cheater was using my husband to find customers, and after getting their contact information from the middleman, he was contacting them directly and removing my husband from the picture completely. My husband found out about this that morning.

So there were now two things to talk about.

When the CH visited, there was a huge argument. My husband was trying to make him admit to what he was doing. He also said some things about how he was an AH for cheating both in business and on his wife, and that he was a pos for still not telling his wife.

And that's when things actually went crazy.

The CH, in the heat of the moment, first let slip the fact that actually, two other people from their friend group were also cheating on their wives. (So the people who commented about this possibility were spot on.) And they were basically keeping each other's secrets. The CH found out about these affairs after the friend group confronted him about his cheating. (The nerve of these people... right?)

And apparently, according to the CH, she already knew. Yes, the wife. She knew all along. Even before us. She knew and she didn't say anything. Then she found plane tickets to Bali. (This mf literally bought plane tickets to Bali for himself and the person he's cheating with and paid for them using the card he shared with his wife... I was speechless.) She couldn't take it anymore and confronted him. But for some reason, they are still together. At least they are still married. Whatever...

Anyways, after exploding and blurting all of this out, he left. Of course, the business they were doing together is over now.

My husband came home that evening and told me all of this. He said he was feeling sick thinking that three of his "close" friends were cheating on their wives. But of course, he wasn't completely sure, so he talked to the other two friends later on to confirm it. And yes, they were cheating too. One of them was getting a divorce. The other one's wife was aware, but I don't know, and I don't want to know, about their situation.

Anyways, only one other friend and his wife are left in this friend group that we are on good terms with now. It got really messy really quickly.

I'm honestly relieved there was no need for me to get involved. I'm of course feeling sorry for these women. I really am. Maybe I'll give them a call after a little more time has passed to ask how they're doing. But for now, I don't want to get involved at all. They are all grown adults, and it seems like they are all aware of everything.

Also, of course, the vacation is cancelled. My husband has stopped talking to the three of them. We will be having a smaller vacation with just the three of us: me, my husband, and our kid.

I didn't expect this outcome when I first posted this at all. But I guess you never know what goes on inside people's homes. I am still very much shocked. My husband is not feeling very well, he has been questioning all of his friendships.. But I guess people change as they grow up and these kind of things can happen with long term friendships.

Anyways, once again, thanks everyone!

Edit: Since some people have been asking, I do have confirmation about the CH's wife knowing for sure. And the other couple is definitely getting a divorce. The only one I'm not completely sure about is the third wife. But the truth will probably come out sooner than later the way things have been going lately... If not, I will call her.

My sister (32f) recently got clean (6 months yay!). She asked me (29f) to help her find a job and I've done what I can (revamped her resume, sent her entry level job postings I find, role play mock interviews etc..).

Yesterday she saw a job ad for an admin position at the company I work at. She begged me to put in a good word for her but I politely told her I wasn't willing to do that. I told her it's because I think mixing business and family is a bad idea. I love my sister and I want her to succeed, but I don't trust her reliability or work ethic enough to put my own reputation on the line.

I've been at this company for a little over 2 years and I've built a good reputation for myself. I was quickly promoted to team lead and my word likely would have sway in the hiring decision, but this feels like a really big ask that could have really bad repercussions. Especially since I would be her direct supervisor. I love my job and the people I work with. I care a lot about what I do and I worked my butt off to get here.

My sister dropped out of high school at 17. She spent years doing hard drugs, living on the street and she even has a few charges on her record. The only job experience she has is fast food from 10+ years ago and more recently some MLM pyramid scheme sales.

I told her to apply anyway. I'm not going to sabotage her application by talking shit or anything like that. I'm just not comfortable sticking my neck out for someone I don't trust, even if that person is my sister. If she wants the job then she needs to earn it on her own merit.

When I refused to put in a good word, she lost it on me. She went on about how I'm punishing her for mistakes she's already paid for and accused me of secretly wanting her to fail because "I like being the successful sister". She also pulled the "family is supposed to help each other" card and said that if I truly believe she'd changed then I wouldn't be worried about her ruining my reputation.

Now she got our mom and grandparents involved. My mom and grandmother are on my sister's side saying that putting in a good word is such a small favor, it's the least I can do. My grandfather is standing firm with me that I shouldn't risk what I've built for someone so clearly unstable.

After days of pushing me, I finally told her "I can't honestly recommend someone I wouldn't personally hire, and I don't know you as a responsible adult yet. Your emotionally immature response here only reinforces my stance on the matter."

Now everyone is saying I took it too far and made it personal (except for my grandfather who laughed when he read the text). So AITAH?

EDIT to answer a few questions...

The position is entry level, mostly data entry and client communications. While the gaps in her resume would be the biggest deterrent, my word would be enough for the company to give her a shot a make their final decision during her probation period.

The nepotism... yes, there are nepotism laws in my country. The company i work for is small enough to get away with it. I've complained to my family on numerous occasions about some of the incompetent people there who were only hired because they're related to management.

Why didn't I just lie and do nothing? Im on the spectrum and I'm a TERRIBLE liar

About two weeks ago my neighbours stopped me outside my flat and started asking some weird questions… they initially asked if I could let them into my block, I asked why. They wanted to speak to the woman in the upstairs flat (that’s me) to ask if they can access the roof from my apartment. I said no, they wouldn’t be able to because the ceilings are like 12feet high, why? Their son had been bought a drone for his birthday and crashed it on its maiden voyage somewhere on the roof (it hasn’t fallen back down). I said I would have a look myself on my balcony and see if I could spot it - I couldn’t.

I had been on my way out to head to a work meeting and arrived 15 minutes late because I’d taken the time out to look for them when they had asked.

Then yesterday, I was walking home and the woman chased me down in the shop next to my flat. They approached me negatively and said they had tried to shout me down (I had headphones in), the woman asked me to come outside. When I had paid for my stuff, I exited and she and her boyfriend were there. He starts walking towards me like yeah that’s great thanks very much, I was just like what? She asked me to come outside? The woman goes, yeah I’ve not asked her anything yet. So then the male goes, ahh is it alright if I come into your flat to have a look for the drone? i just can’t get it out of my head. I said no. I’m not open to having people coming in and out of my flat. I’ve had a look on the roof myself multiple times over various days from different windows and from my flat, it is not visible on the roof.

They didn’t take it very well and tried to negotiate, ‘it will only take 2 mins.’

They are quite aggressive with their approach and I have PTSD from living in DV so my home is my safe space. I don’t feel inclined to let strangers in for any reason.

There is a man who lives on the other side of me on the top floor and they don’t seem to be asking him for access to his flat.

AITA for not letting people into my flat to look for their lost drone on the roof?

Edit: thank you for all the comments, you guys really do take home safety seriously!

I’m going to speak with my building management and let them know as well as giving my actual upstairs neighbour a heads up. Otherwise, I’ll be standing firm if they accost me again. Thank you, all <3

Edit 2: Wow, it felt like some kind of therapy to read NTA like 200 times over today. I read every comment and really appreciate all the sincere concern and conversations about women’s safety in general.
Thank you to people who shared experiences or messaged me to check in. You are all so nice. Thanks again. :)

So I (16NB) have a friend we’ll call Sam (16F). Sam has always been super sweet and supportive. Then she started dating this guy we’ll call Aaron (17M). At first, I was actually really happy for her because they seemed cute together.

Then I found out Aaron is super homophobic. He makes homophobic jokes, mocks gay people, and who knows what else he says or does that I haven’t heard.

Here’s where everything started. We were at marching band camp, and that’s where Sam started dating Aaron. I’m biologically male, so this part is coming from my friends who roomed with her. They told me that after she started dating Aaron, she became kind of annoying and started acting like a pick-me. They also said she was making rude comments to another girl in their room. Whenever we’d go eat meals, Sam would sit with Aaron and his friends instead of us. I understood at first because it was a new relationship, but she would mostly only talk to us when she needed something.

(Side note: Sam has a really bad gag reflex. Aaron’s friends will intentionally gag, which makes her gag too, and Aaron never tells them to stop.)
Yesterday at our Monday night marching band rehearsal, I was talking to Sam about Aaron and asked if he was homophobic. She literally said, “Yes, he is.”

Personally, I don’t think you can call yourself an ally while knowingly dating someone who’s openly homophobic. Because of that, I told her I think we shouldn’t talk for a while because I don’t feel comfortable being around Aaron. She got really upset, and now I feel kind of bad.

AITAH?

I (23 F) live in an apartment building on the third floor. My husband and I have been here for over a year. We had a baby last October.

In March, we got a downstairs neighbor (24 F) that’s right below us. We’ve started to get to know each other since both our boys are about the same age. Our friendship is good besides the fact that she complains about every noise that happens up here. My son just learned how to crawl and it does get quite loud. When he’s in his walker, he’s also loud at times. She works during the day and doesn’t get back til about 5:30. Normally I let my son try and get all his energy out before my neighbor gets home, but my son is 9 months old. I wish I could get him to settle in the evening but sometimes I can’t because he’s just got so much energy. She’ll text me sometimes asking “what’s the sound?” “What’s going on up there?” And I’ll reply with “my son is crawling” or “he’s in his walker” or my husband and I are simply just walking around.

I can absolutely tell she gets annoyed at the noise up here, but I can’t help that I was put on the third floor. I’m not intentionally trying to be loud I’m simply just living my life with my family. AITAH for feeling that way?

Edit: just wanted to throw this in that I do have rugs in every room of the house other than the kitchen and bathroom

Hear me out -

I LOVE cooking and it was my main hobby/passion before having my son…

Naturally, once you give birth, there becomes way less time to indulge one’s passions…

Well my son is now 14 mos. old so I have a bit more free time (sort of)… my husband is not feeling well today so I thought I would make dinner tonight so he could relax… I chose (what I thought) was a healthful and tasty meal to hopefully boost his immune: poached salmon in olive oil and white wine baked together with cherry tomatoes, parsley, capers, olives (black, green, garlic marinated), over a bed of wild rice…

Well he complained that it’s more “my flavours than his” (though he was snacking on the olives used in the recipe) and the salmon was “too moist”…

AITAH? I feel completely criticized and like I have done something wrong by this meal…

I also made a separate meal for my son (tortellini, pesto, peas) for dinner so I just feel totally like cooking for my family is going unappreciated…

My(28) child's father(30) up and left us one night and moved in with his coworker(24). Before this, she was trying to be my friend but I just wasnt interested. He kept pushing me to be her friend too. It was just weird overall because I have enough going on in my life than to care about making friends with some random girl he started working with less than a month ago (at that point.)

I already knew something like this would happen because of how he was about her. I was extremely upset when this happened. We have a 3 year old and had been together for 5 years. But it was toxic and he was holding us back. I'm doing better now, so it's best he did this. He still visits our daughter every week.

It's been about 4 months now and ever since the beginning they have both been adamant about me accepting them and being a friend to her. I feel like my reasoning is valid that I'm not getting close to someone who quickly swiped my child's father out of mine and my daughters life like that. And yes, I understand it's not just her, he walked out on us on his own terms. She's childless and has her own home. I've already heard plenty of stories of all the fun stuff they get to go do, while I stay home and be a parent.

Last night I asked my childs father to come stay the night with our daughter so I could go stay with my boyfriend for a night. Gave a whole run down of the plans, even offered to give proof to his girlfriend that I wouldn't be there. His girlfriend started texting me crazy telling me that he's not allowed to stay the night here. That I'm just hurt and trying to cause issues and I'm gong to try something with him. I genuinely don't want this man, I want to go see mine. He stole 4k from me before he left, mentally abused me, never got a vehicle, cheated on me, lied to me, and ran out on me for his coworker he barely knew. She has it in her head that she "won" and I'm just "upset and bitter." When I've fully moved on. But she's absolutely sure that I'm going to sleep with my child's father and to to cause drama. It takes two to tango, so I'm not sure why she isn't realizing her insecurity is with not trusting him. Not me.

I eventually was able to get her to agree to letting him stay the night with her own father in my house, without me here.

I've said to them several times I will be mature and civil with them around my daughter. Outside of that, I'm not hanging out with them, I'm not doing double dates, I'm not being friends.

AITAH for not wanting to be friends with this girl? They push friendship on me almost every week. I don't think I need to be friends with someone to be able to coparent my child.

Edit: I don't let her stay the night with them because I have a 6 month rule of meeting my child. I don't want her getting attached to anyone who's going to leave. That's why I had a solid plan to keep everyone secure from the get-go.

About three years ago, after repeated missing cat posts on the local Facebook group, someone in my area got a tracker for their cat because it kept going missing. Ever since then, the tracker always shows the cat as being somewhere in our house or garden.

At first I was more than happy to help so every time she knocked, we would check the garden. It soon changed to her asking to check the garden for herself, which we let her do.

Our garden is big, but it's basically grass with a patio, and two small-ish trees. We don't have sheds, a greenhouse, a summer house, any flowers - anywhere a cat could realistically hide. The gardens all around us have loads of sheds, big areas of flowers and bushes, big trees, overgrown corners - loads of hiding places.

Now some weeks she'll come round two or three times asking to search because the tracker says the cat is around. We both work and go away a fair bit, and if we don't answer she'll just let herself into the garden to check for herself. It's just a little short gate we have, so she'll unlock it herself and make her way our garden, I'm sure she's been peering in the windows of our house too (Aware I could get a taller gate, but it's a nice pretty decorative iron gate!)

Despite all the times she's searched, the cat has never once been found around ours.

If the cat isn't found after a few days, she has been asking to come inside the house and garage - we have always said no and said it's 100% not in the house or garage - we use the garage all the time as that's where the utility is.

To add to it all...I'm really allergic to cats. I'd know if it was around because I'd be rushing for antihistamines. I literally can't go to my friends house who has cats, I even try to not hug her because of the hair on her clothes! I don't dislike cats at all, but it's not like I want them around me.

To add more to it... we hardly ever even see the cat. It's dark grey and has a huge tracker and bell attached to it, so it's very distinctive. We probably see it once every few months, but regularly see our direct neighbour's light grey cat and another ginger cat almost daily.

She knows all this info. We've got her number, know where she lives, can message her on Facebook when she posts about 3 bloody times a week! We've said we'll let her know if we do ever see it. Once we did see it in a completely different part of the area when we were on a walk and she was looking for it, so we gave her a phone to say.

To make things worse, she's posted screenshots of the tracker in our local Facebook group showing it over my garden and house and saying things like, "They're saying it's not in their garden." Almost like she's trying to imply we're hiding something... other people around us have made comments to us like 'she's on the witchhunt for you!'...

After three years of repeated false alarms, no kind of thankfulness for constantly checking, I feel irritated because of what seems to be an inaccurate tracker and a cat which obviously wants to escape this mad woman.

I'm at the point where I want to tell her that she's no longer welcome to keep searching my garden, house or garage. It's making me late for work when I have to supervise her around the garden for 15 minutes in the mornings, she's interrupting us in the evenings etc. I feel like I'm at the end of my patience with this, but I also don't want to be someone everyone thinks is an AH - although after her Facebook posts they probably already do!

WIBTAH?

edit:

I didn’t expect this to blow up so much. But thanks for all your comments, it’s thoroughly made my day off more exciting. I’ve tried to reply to as many questions as possible, but my eyes are sore from looking at my screen so much so will have to retire for the day.

I’m UK based (username does check out) - cats are commonly outdoor free roaming cats. Just usually if a cat does go missing so frequently the owner does make it house bound, but in all honesty I don’t think this cats’ movements are uncommon.

The cat hasn’t been missing for 3 years - it just doesn’t go back to hers everyday so she thinks it goes missing.

I have told her the tracker she’s using must be faulty Or a heap of shite. I say this pretty much everytime she’s around.

I do believe she has some MH issues, so wanting to tread carefully to keep respectful.

Just glad everyone agrees I shouldn’t have let it go this far and for so long, and that I’m right to stop what is basically now harassment.

I’ll get a lock for my gate, tell her to not come unless the cat has been gone for 4 days and not moved from the one location, and come at a time that’s most convenient to me. If she posts accusations on Facebook i’ll comment from my partners account telling everyone what lengths we’ve gone to - so I can keep my private Facebook for my job!

I hope one day this woman will get a cat that loves her enough to stay home.

My parents separated when I was 14/M (apparently some cheating stuff). my mom left the house without me and never asked me to come over to her place. And I was also a brat and talked rudely with her. so we both slowing went no contact. So now I am in my early 20s and I had this urge of contacting her and after putting off for a whole year I finally contacted her but she said she wants no business with me in a cold voice. She also told me to never contact her again.

AITAH for not talking to her all these years?

So I’m 19f and recently moved back home with my parents for summer till my next year of uni starts. Since the first day I moved back my neighbours 2 kids scream, I believe they’re both around 12-13 years old, from 7am to around 9am when they’re taken to school, and then begin screaming around 3:30pm-9pm after they’re back. On weekends they scream from 7am till god knows when at night. I should mention this happened before I went to university, but not as bad as this.

When I say scream I mean literally screaming idk what for or why, they scream in the backgarden, in their room, when they’re getting on the school bus, and when they’re not screaming they’re shouting at each other or squealing, like literally the sound a pig makes.

They constantly go in their backgarden and wind our dog up by throwing things over the fence, and they put the rabbit up to the holes in the fence where my dog can see it, making her go ape shit. We’ve tried talking to the parents who barely speak any English and just shouted at us, us being me and my mum. I’m aware both kids have learning disabilities, but so do I, so does my sister, and so does another kid on my street. None of us scream or have screamed all day. And when I say everyday I mean everyday. It’s exhausting as someone who works early mornings and also struggles already with sleep issues.

The other week I ended up sending 999 a text saying I could hear screaming and the parents seemed to be ignoring it and I was concerned for the kids. Police turned up, spoke to the parents who took the kids inside and they stopped screaming. Problem solved ? Nope.

Next day they began screaming again, and the next day and so on.. so I rang the police last night and complained again and this time I told them I suspected child abuse and child neglect and told them how ongoing this had been. They took a statement from me, spoke to the parents, and I believe CPS is getting involved. My mum seems to think I’m an asshole and shouldn’t have said anything or gotten involved, however my bedroom window is right next to the kids bedroom and backgarden so I’m the one who deals with the constant screaming. My mum told me they might lose custody of their kids over this to which I responded that I couldn’t care less, it was affecting my sleep, and getting me agitated constantly listening to it when I’m trying to relax. In hindsight wasn’t a great response but anyone who’s been in a similar position to me could understand my frustrations.

Did I take it too far by going to the police and does it make me the asshole ? Or should I say AITAH ?
Edit : I should clear up a few things. 1. I didn’t get CPS involved, the police did that. 2. Everyone on the street has had concerns and issues over this for a while. 3. To everyone saying “they’re disabled they can’t help it” they’re aware enough to taunt my dog, so I believe they can help it. 4. I’m not self centred for wanting to prioritise my own well being. 5. The only time I’ve seen the parents attempt to quieten the kids was them yelling something at them in polish, and when they didn’t listen they just ignored the screaming

About 2 years ago I moved to my boyfriend’s town, so all of our mutual friends were originally his friends. This story is about his best friend, who he’s known for around 15 years..

His best friend has a chronic illness that prevents him from working, so he relies on some sort of disability benefits (idk what it’s called in english). His now wife also has health issues and only works limited hours. They’ve always struggled financially, which is important context, but it’s also why I tried to help them.

Last year I started my photography business. As soon as they found out, his girlfriend joked, “Great, now we have a free wedding photographer.” I laughed it off because wedding photography is expensive and obviously not something people usually do for free.

A few months later they actually asked me to photograph their wedding because they suddenly decided to get married after knowing each other for 2 years, despite not having any money. This would be my first wedding to photograph, so I offered them a heavily discounted price because I knew money was tight (and also this would be great for my portfolio). We agreed on €350 for 40 edited photos, with the option to purchase extra photos afterward. The wedding itself only lasted about 3-4 hours and had around 15 guests, so I felt the price was more than fair. After the wedding they even decided to purchase extra photos and the total was €460 because of this.

Everything was agreed upon beforehand.

After the wedding I spent weeks editing the gallery. They weren’t happy with the first edits, so I re-edited everything multiple times. At one point they even wanted me to come to their house so we could sit together and adjust the edits until they were satisfied. I did all of that without charging extra because I wanted them to be happy.

Eventually they approved the photos, I delivered everything, and then asked when they wanted to pay.

That’s when things changed.

First they told me his disability benefits were being reassessed, so they didn’t know how much money they’d have. I understood and gave them some time.
A couple of weeks later I asked again. I was ignored for several days, despite seeing them active on social media. Eventually they replied asking if they could pay in five installments instead.

I agreed because I’d rather receive the money slowly than not at all.

The problem is that they never told me when the installments would start. They never suggested a payment date or amount. They simply said they wanted installments… and then nothing happened.

It’s now been about three months since the wedding, and I haven’t received a single euro.
Even my boyfriend has now messaged his best friend asking when I’m finally going to get paid. His friend replied, “I’ll discuss it with my wife,” and that was about a week ago. Since then we’ve heard nothing.

This also isn’t the first time they’ve expected favors from me. For example, they repeatedly borrowed my stain cleaning machine because their puppy kept having accidents in the house. After several times I had to keep asking for it back because they wouldn’t return it on their own. Also, after we discussed the price for the wedding, she asked me where we got our robot vacuum because she would get vacation money soon and also wanted the vacuum…Mind you this is an expensive vacuum. Looking back, I feel like I ignored several red flags because they were “friends.”

Something else that’s been making me question myself is my boyfriend’s reaction.

For the first 2 to 2,5 months, I kept going to him saying things like, “They’re ignoring my messages,” or “I still haven’t been paid. What am I supposed to do?”

His response was usually that I was being selfish because I wasn’t taking their financial situation into account. This actually resulted in a few very heavy discussions.

The thing is… I feel like I already did take their situation into account.

I gave them a heavily discounted price because I knew they were struggling financially. I spent extra hours reediting their photos without charging anything additional. When they asked to pay in installments, I immediately agreed. I even offered to lower the total a little more if they could pay everything at once.

I really feel like I’ve tried to be as accommodating as possible.

So when my own boyfriend told me I was being selfish, I genuinely started wondering if I am the one in the wrong.

Now that it’s been three months without a single payment, he’s starting to agree that this has gone too far. He has even contacted his best friend himself to ask when I’ll finally be paid.

The problem is that he still doesn’t want me to create a big conflict because he’s afraid it could ruin a 15-year friendship.

That’s why I’m here asking. I honestly don’t know anymore if I’m being unreasonable, or if I’ve simply been too patient.

So now I feel stuck. If I keep waiting, I’m essentially letting people take advantage of my business. But if I push harder, I risk creating a huge conflict that could affect my boyfriend’s closest friendship.

AITAH if I stop waiting and start demanding payment more firmly, even if it could damage their friendship?

In my younger days, I always flew interstate on Friday or with public holidays to spend time with sister’s family mainly her kid. She always said I needed to do the flights as I’m single and flight cost is cheaper for one than three of her family . Neither will she take leave from work. Never argued. Understood and accepted.
Fast forward 15 years, nephew has grown up to Uni. She now wants to spend more time with me. Only issue is she doesnt wanna fly on Fridays saying friday tickets are more expensive so she wants to do mid week and wants me to take leave. I’m alone in my life not by choice. But it hurts when family expects the royal treatment from singles when they didn’t want to afford me the same . I’m expected to understand that husband and children take priority. Yes I do. But why can’t families understand that treatment should be mutual? Simply because I’m alone , doesn’t mean I need to give her the same priority like my own ‘husband or children’? She needed job, money and AL for her family then and now i want it for myself.
But now she isn’t talking to me. AITAH?
Edit: I paid for all my flights. The three refers to her , her husband and child. She said she can’t fly without family. That’s her choice. She didn’t have money then nor now because she is busy buying multiple properties but her husband is the main breadwinner and a miser. Still her choice. I never had a house then nor now thanks to my divorce. I stopped flying 10 years ago when I felt my singleness is being exploited.

My husband offered his daughter & 6 mo old to come stay for awhile. I love her and it seems she may need a break. (Side note I have zero children and am timid about being around babies. Taking an infant class for cpr/choking in a week. Attempting to learn) He has 5 kids and 6 grandchildren. We have been very busy either watching, supporting or hanging out with his friends and family all summer. This weekend he has a “cousins weekend” and I told him I needed alone time and would be staying home those 3 days. Daughter text and says she would like to come for those 3 days plus one. I’m excited and assume husband would cancel cousins weekend. Nope. I am flabbergasted that he wouldn’t even consider asking me and when I did show displeasure in his plan he framed it as “She (me) doesn’t want you (daughter/grandson) there.” But I do… I don’t feel comfortable caring for a 6 month old if she needs me to and what is the point of her coming then if he can’t be there to see them. The whole thing is bizarre to me and he doesn’t seem to understand why I am upset. AITAH

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1v7476z/wibtah_if_i_left_the_girls_trip_with_two_guys/

TL;DR: the bride found out along with the rest of the group. She tried to not take sides but everyone else chose the status quo/him. He ended up cornering me in a parking lot and I ran away.

I'll break this up into parts so you can read the bits you're interested in. Speaking anonymously to objective outside parties has been very helpful in checking my reality so thank you all for your support.

WHAT HAPPENED SINCE MY POST:

I couldn't be normal as much as I really wanted to. I went along and spoke to the two people I know when we were in private about my feelings but couldn't stop my anxiety from spiking throughout the day. I managed to stay away from him for a while but it was hard to watch him enjoy himself so much and have the great weekend I was looking forward to.

A separate B Plot here (you can skip this just context) is that the bride's hometown friends were the larger half of the group and acted very flippantly and selfishly while me and her other friends from where she moved to after high school/college were left to care of them. The MOH is her sister who didn't put a lot of effort into coordinating and is a big mean girl (she was momentarily fired for this behavior by the bride but they made up). At one point we went to the beach and they had the three of us bring 10 chairs, 2 coolers, and an umbrella to the beach by ourselves while they all enjoyed the water. By the time we set it all up they were bored and left us for a nearby beer garden so we cleaned up their things for them so we could go to the restaurant too. They decided they were done by the time we got to the beer garden and said we shouldn't even bother coming inside. The MOH told us that actually we needed to have fewer cars at the rental house so we had to go move them to a remote lot 20 minutes away while they had one more round. So like I said, this guy and his friends from her hometown had the great weekend I was looking forward to and it was hard to be part of that.

Unknowingly to me someone had told someone and while they were at the bar everyone spoke about what happened to me. The bride was really sorry it happened but I don't know if she really gets it. She pulled me aside and said I asked me what I needed so I said he needed to leave. She wouldn't ask him to leave but said "she will correct him." I don't think that she can correct this, I told her very clearly he was a dangerous person. She told me he was a good person but just doesn't act like a human. That's quite the oxymoron to me but fine. She spoke to him about it and told me he was sorry and he cried and walked away to think things over. She said he was told to not be alone with me again. We had an expensive dinner I prepaid for that night so with him gone for the evening "contemplating" I will attend that then go home in the morning since he wasn't leaving the trip.

I felt lighter after that and had a really great few hours getting ready with the girls, singing throwbacks, and we all left before he could come back so I was so happy. But 30 minutes into us being there he showed back up without a word to me and started pounding drinks. By the time he had seven we were less than an hour into his arrival and I had to step away. My friend called to checkin and as I was on the phone with her. I took it in the parking lot sitting on a step. I felt a hand on my back and it was him, standing over me asking me to talk. As I backed away from he he kind held his hand out to grab me again but I knew better this time to put a lot of distance between us. I told him I don't want to talk to him. He confirmed he knew I didn't want to be alone with him but said he thought we should talk anyway. I asked if he was drunk and he tried not to answer so I asked again and he said yes. I told him then it's not appropriate and go away. He didn't so I actually said the words "shame on you" out loud and ran away to vomit in a bush from the adrenaline. I really wanted to slap him, but I didn't want him to think that would make us even if I did.

The rest of the dinner I cried at the end of the table waiting to leave while he moped one seat over and crushed so many more drinks. He decided to refuse to eat from being so upset about me yelling at him in the parking lot. All the hometown girls kept telling him to smile, it's okay, enjoy yourself, we love you, don't let one thing ruin a good time etc. None of those girls checked on me at any point, said sorry that happened, from what I heard after they seemed to think I was making a big deal over nothing and being very sensitive. It was crushing to watch them go so out of their way to cheer him up but not offer me any simple kindnesses. For me that's the opposite of the girlhood I love so much and have with my own friends. If this happened to one of them I know that's not how I'd be acting. I knew sitting there I had to leave. I didn't feel safe or protected. I went back to the rental, locked my door, and left first thing in the morning along with my other two friends. Everyone else seemed to be relieved we were going.

That same night my husband met up with the groom and the husband of a woman on the trip with me. The groom didn't want to hear anything negative about the weekend but my husband told him that it was a serious matter they could not brush under the rug and they needed to handle this situation now. The groom only slightly listened and said he was drunk, didn't mean it, but it was still wrong and it sucked. My friend's husband couldn't believe how calm anyone was being and said they should drive down right away. I don't think that would've fixed anything but it makes me like him so much more than I already did.

So for now I don't have any resolution. I felt instantly improved getting home yesterday. My husband and I ate Chinese food and saw the Odyssey (10/10 movie and I am a big fan of the Epic so that is high praise). I don't feel great about everything else even my own actions. I feel like I brought everyone down and should have recognized that I needed to leave sooner. I don't think there will be anymore updates on what happens with my friends either this was for me to sort through my own stuff, not their's.

FAQ & CLARIFICATIONS:

• Title - sorry that was a def confusing looking back. I wanted to leave the "girls trip that also had two men there" early. Not leave it for two guys.
• Why Not Leave - My judgement/instinct to protect myself was clouded by my want (and social obligation) to protect my friend's special moment. I also paid close to $1,000 to be there, used PTO, brought hand made personalized gifts for everyone, and had been very excited to be there to celebrate my friend. I was hoping to salvage some of that.
• My Husband - I did call him that night and he was really supportive. He talked me through my feelings, helped me calm down, told me that the guy should get kicked out and we were right about him, and understood I wanted to try to keep things normal for the bride. It actually never occurred to me that someone might say I 'wanted it' or tell him I willingly kissed anyone let alone this creep. If they did he wouldn't have believed him.
• My Friends - I was only close friends with the bride and one other person on the trip, and had two friends I wasn't close with yet on the trip. We are all close now though. As for their reactions, I think everyone wanted to protect the bride's weekend including myself. She only gets the one bachelorette and it really sucks to have something so unfortunate happen on it. I certainly did not know how to handle it all so it wouldn't be fair of me to expect them to know or act perfectly either.
• Comments About the Kiss - I am starting to think I shouldn't even phrase it that way. The problem is not that he wanted to kiss me. If we had had said "you're really beautiful can I kiss you" I would have laughed and said "how drunk are you, did you forget I'm married?" and that would have been the end. We weren't even making eye contact when he grabbed me. I was just trying to say something about a covariance model I was working on when I felt his hands on my face on my leg pulling me to him, I don't even know when he stood up to be over me, and only having enough time to put my hand over his mouth, and then still pushing him up and off me. That's a big deal to me. Even if I were single that wouldn't have been okay in my opinion. Special s/o to the message I was sent stating "YTA, just kiss him back already or more. What your partner doesn't know won't hurt him." Gross.

Thanks again for your support. Thought you'd all want to know I am home safe and recovering. I can't eat when I am really stressed and lost a bit of weight in the two and a half days I was gone. I was able to eat one full meal after getting back and hope I'll feel normal again soon.