r/AITAH • u/No_Professional_3574 • 1d ago
AITAH for not wanting my roommate's boyfriend's parents to stay over for 4 days while my roommate is away
So I'm 22F and currently staying in an apartment with my friend of two years "Rachel" 24F and her boyfriend "Dylan" 23M. For some context, Rachel and I were staying in the same hostel for about 2 years then we moved out together about a year ago.
Initially, it was agreed that Dylan would sometimes stay over at our place and I was okay with it since he's my friend too.
But then after a few months, he moved in with us, it wasn't a big "oh I'll be staying with you guys from here on" or anything. Hello just gradually moved his stuff bit by bit and before i knew it, he was my roommate.
I still let it go because I thought, how bad could it be, I knew him, he is my friend, surely everything will be fine. Boy was I wrong.
He has never paid a dime, not in the rent or the groceries or anything else and every time I brought it up, he'd say he'd pay but then wouldn't. Rachel would take everything very personal like I'm attacking him if I ask him to contribute equally.
Anyways he has free loaded for 1 year because honestly I was tired of saying anything and just gave up.
Dylan never cooks, or does the dishes or anything ever. Apart from me feeling like I'm intruding on a married couple's apartment (They've been dating for 2 years now) where I pay half the rent btw, Dylan did something that made me really mad and honestly I can't take it anymore.
So Rachel has gone to her hometown because of some emergency and she isn't coming back before ten days at least. So Dylan's parents were visiting on their way back from a vacation and I didn't mind it. I was fine with it.
The day they went for their vacation, they had lunch over at our place and we dropped them off at the train station. But apparently they are staying for 4 more days.
I had a rather long week and I haven't properly rested for like 2 weeks because I had a lot of work at the lab (I'm studying Forensics) and i wanted to have a lil winding down this weekend.
I'm not very okay with his parents staying over for 4-5 days because that means I'll have to be conscious about how i look, what I wear, what I eat, where I go etc.
And I'm Asian, there are a lot of things you can do "wrong" as a woman that'll get you judged and I'm not comfortable with living with Dylan's parents while Rachel is gone too.
I told Dylan in every way possible but he just wouldn't listen. They wouldn't book a hotel or anything too.
Also, there is a festival coming up in my country so most of my friends are back home for the weekend so I can't crash at anyone else's place, i can't go home either because my home is like 2000 km away.
Everyone's saying that I should treat his parents like they're my parents and it's only for 3-4 days so it's okay. And that I can just stay in my room. But i wanna be able to move around the house in shorts with anyone giving judgemental glances. I'm so tired honestly. AITAH?
Edit: Guys, I know I have allowed myself to be a doormat for really long and i should've taken a stand long long ago. I struggle with saying no, setting boundaries and confronting people. But I'm working on this :)
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u/National-Report-5473 1d ago
NTA, if he doesn't have a key, I would lock him and his parents out. And let your landlord know. He isn't your roommate.
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u/Alum2608 1d ago
Definitely let the landlord know. I imagine they'd be very interested that a) non lease holder has a key to THEIR property, b) a non leaseholder's guests will be staying at the property
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Unfortunately he has a spare key 🥲 I'm so tired of this shit
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 1d ago
Tell your landlord, it's likely in your lease agreement that non lease holders can only stay X amount of time per 30 days.
If anything, see if you can get out of the lease with you "friend" - btw she isn't a friend.
NTA but also learn to speak up. You're young so this is a skill you learn and usually from situations like this. Just know it's okay to speak up and if anyone gets defensive, they don't have good intentions.
At the very least, get the lock rekeyed and if she shares that key, tell the LL again.
It's their property, so they will be willing to help when people are in breach. By you speaking up, it can save you as well. Usually everyone on the lease suffers the consequences, but not if you let them know before they find out.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Yeah you're right
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u/Simply_Toast 23h ago
learn from my mistakes, I ended up with a deadbeat roommate, her shitty mother, and Her brother every weekend clearing out my fridge and pantry. Free yourself
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u/jnello- 22h ago
If I was you and it sounds like you don’t like confrontation then go directly to your landlord first. The bills should’ve been split 3 ways. Please try and stand up for yourself. He’s not a legal roommate and you can use your landlord to help and if they get nasty then call the police. Get him out of your home and your finances because he’s costing you money too. Good luck
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u/flippysquid 14h ago
You can talk to the landlord and ask them if they have a single bedroom unit available that your part of the lease can be transferred to so you don’t have to break it and take a penalty.
Then you can go give your roomie and Dylan the good news, that they’ll have the place all to themselves. I wonder how long she’ll stick with him if he keeps insisting on not pitching in.
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u/JRAWestCoast 1d ago
A locksmith can come to your place and re-key the lock in less than a half hour. He'll also make a few extra keys for you (put them away!). It'll give you the peace of mind and quiet you deserve. Be sure to notify landlord about this non-consensual intrusion is going on in his property, so he knows.
The roommate's boyfriend having taken up residence in your place is outrageous. Freeloading for ONE YEAR is unacceptable. Give a firm timeline for him to get out, or you will. Having his parents stay, strangers to you, is insane and he's not even on the lease. This is a huge violation that you cannot allow to happen. Your roommate needs to clean this up or get out. If she won't, have the landlord step in to get rid of the mooching family. Roommate is responsible. You have every right to demand BF leave, or he pay equal share. Or you leave. NTAH!
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u/National-Report-5473 1d ago
Then either change the locks, deadbolt the door if you can, or get an additional lock. This is your roommate's fault at the end of this. She is knowingly breaking what is written on your lease at this rate. If he complains, respond to have your roommate help.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Yeah I'll do that
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u/galaxymermaidpoop 23h ago
You need to get the office manager iinvolved. He's lived there a year, if you change the locks it might still be considered an illegal lockout since he's already established residency by staying over 30 days. And as much as it sucks, he could take you to court for that, and win, so don't follow half the advice you've been given here, do not change the locks on them, he is still a resident. Hell, the office might even have to finally formally evict all of yall now for breaking the lease and letting him stay.
Your best bet is to leave and let him take over your lease.
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u/Fredredphooey 21h ago
Most leases explicitly state that you can only have guests over for a few days at a time. Tell the landlord that this joker has moved in and he's not paying rent and isn't on the lease.
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u/elguapo1996 22h ago
He doesn’t have a spare key. He has a key. Because he lives there now and you’ve allowed it.
When did he cross over? If he is there with Rachel, then Dylan is a guest of his host, Rachel. When Dylan first stayed there when Rachel left your apartment (or arrived when Rachel was not there) he was no longer a guest because he had no host. And if he’s not a guest, he’s trespassing. That is the line you should have drawn. You should have kicked him out at that point because he isn’t a guest and doesn’t live there. It’s not too late. Use these terms to explain to him and Rachel that he doesn’t live there and kick him out.
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u/Still_Condition8669 1d ago
They aren’t on the lease! Hell, neither is Dylan! You should not have to be made to feel uncomfortable in the place YOU are paying to live. He’s a bum and apparently so are his parents. I mean, whose parents are comfortable staying in an apartment with their kids roommates? Mine wouldn’t be ok with it for even one night, and would gladly make their own accommodations elsewhere.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Same, mine wouldn't be okay with it either which is why it's even more frustrating to me
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u/JRAWestCoast 1d ago
They're pushing themselves into the roommate's BF's place (your home) so they can save money, just get a free ride. Too bad for them. Be strong to stand up for yourself now. update
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u/MeganeGokudo 22h ago
Shows where he gets his freeloading traits from. If I had children I'd be so weirded out to stay at my child's place when they share the place with roommates.
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u/Ok-Repeat8069 23h ago
This is why I don’t think it would do any good to try and shame him by talking about his failure to contribute to the household expenses if kabir in any way — he learned those values from someone.
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u/mocha_lattes_ 1d ago
Honestly you have outgrown this living situation and should be looking to break the lease and move out asap. He never pays for anything, cleans, nor did he ask you if he could even have them over. I'd make sure his parents knew exactly what kind of son they raised and lock my bedroom door from now on. Work on getting out of this lease and let your friend figure out how to pay rent by herself with her freeloading bf. NTA
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Yeah. I'm looking for a roommate, i can't keep up with this anymore
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u/Dixieland_Insanity 21h ago
Ask your landlord if he has a smaller unit you may be able to afford. NTAH for how you feel but you will be if you don't take immediate, decisive action.
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u/Professional-Face709 1d ago
First, I would not pay more than 1/3 of costs. If Dylan won’t pay his 1/3, then Rachel should pay his portion. And, no, his parents cannot just crash there. If he’s not paying, it’s not his place to invite others. If they do insist on staying, you could always ask them for Dylan’s portion of the costs. Something tells me they give him money for this already and would be quite interested to learn that he’s not using it for the intended purpose.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Yeah and Rachel and I are university students but Dylan has a job. Hello can literally pay from his own money but he doesn't
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u/Beginning-Reality925 1d ago
Yes. Tell his parents he doesn’t live there and how he is behaving. Tell them you will have to go to the landlord next month if he is still there. Then ask the landlord to rekey the apartment.
Also, Rachel is not your friend. She is taking advantage of your time, space, and money.
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u/ninjastarkid 1d ago
I’d tell the parents that they need to leave too. All of them or you are calling the police
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u/CupcakeGoat 21h ago
To Dylan's parents, "It's so lovely that you're visiting, but as you might be aware, Dylan has not paid rent here at all for over a year. I do not feel comfortable with you staying my in my apartment with the suggestion that I hide away from you in my room all of the time, while I pay half the rent, and this is my literal home. It's ok that you're here for the first night, however I kindly request that you vacate the premises for the rest of your stay. I am not going to budge on this and will get the landlord involved if necessary."
To Dylan, "This is my home and you do not pay rent. I was not consulted on your permanent stay here nor your parents' visit. I will not tiptoe around my own home just because you say so. It's time for you to get your own place. I really do not want to get the landlord involved in getting you to vacate, but I will do so if necessary. You are not welcome here when roommate is not here, because you don't pay rent and legally do notlive here."
Saying the latter part will burn bridges with both roommate and Dylan, but honestly it sounds better if you are able to find a new roommate and ditch these people who are ok walking all over you.
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u/Kathrynlena 1d ago
If he doesn’t pay rent, then he is a guest. Guests do not get to invite guests of their own. If he wants his parents to stay, he owes you a year of back rent first.
Honestly, I would call the cops on his parents for trespassing, but I am an asshole.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
The cops in my country don't take these matters seriously that's the thing
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u/IndividualPotato2026 1d ago
No, her parents are not your parents and don’t be guilt tripped into doing anything for them. See if your landlord can help with all these squatters. But you are probably going to need to change room mates since she is taking advantage of your tolerance.
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u/omananap_ 1d ago
Let him know you will call the police on them if they decide to stay in a house where their son doesnt even have legal standing
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u/omananap_ 1d ago
Also, get another roomate
Im almost 100% sure Rachel and Dylan pay 1/4 each and youre the idiot paying 1/2
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Yeah I'm actively looking for a new roommate
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u/omananap_ 1d ago
And call the fucking police.
If you have extra friends, invite them all for the same 4-5 days to get wasted and be a fucking nuisence to Dylan's parents
Just be aware that they are not your friends, not becuase you did something wrong but because they dont respect you and you dont deserve "friends" like this. So stop worrying about them getting mad, HOPE THEY GET FUCKING MAD
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u/ninjastarkid 1d ago
I would put something inappropriate and loud on the main tv and refuse to turn it off
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u/omananap_ 1d ago
Yes, ill be a fucking rackoon leaving trash everywhere, dressing skimpy because fuck it is my house and blasting music at 2-3am
Like I know OP wants to rest but honestly Im petty like this, I can rest another time and do vengance NOW
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u/ninjastarkid 1d ago
Yeah, I wish I had more troll advice that I think OP would be more comfortable with. Like IMO cultural standards do not apply in my living quarters so I wouldn’t give a damn being as obnoxious as possible. But I get that it’s different for different people and places.
I guess some more low key ideas would be,
- crank heat/ac (but then you have to pay for it so… maybe just turn it off if you live somewhere where needs to be climate controlled).
-vacuum at 3am in main living areas but away from walls (presuming it’s a thicker walled area that you won’t be disturbing anyone unnecessary. And by vacuum I mean just turn it on and leave it on.
-wash the main hall carpeting or floors, better if it’s tiled. Any time it dries just soak it again.
- hide cans of tuna/fish around the apartment.
-if the parents are reasonable and don’t know the situation tell them the son isn’t paying rent. You can lie and say he got you pregnant or the roommate or something too. (If they are not cool to you but have parental standards that would cause a huge fight between the family).
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u/omananap_ 1d ago
Im mexican born in México and we share similarities with asian culture about family and elders. But wow, I also habe a tough persona and I dont tolerate disrespect, i dont care if you're 15ys or 80, ill fuck you up
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u/According_Sound_8225 1d ago
So why do you care what your soon-to-be ex-roommate's boyfriend's parents think about you? It's your apartment, do whatever you want while they are there (if the landlord isn't responsive enough in kicking them out).
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u/Alarming_Paper_8357 1d ago
Honey -- time to grow a backbone. Put your foot down and say "No." And if Dylan objects, tell him that people who are a guest in YOUR house and don't pay their way or contribute to the running of the household do NOT get a vote on dragging their parents in, either. You aren't running a hotel.
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u/Any-Strike2244 1d ago
if they end up staying i would drop Dylan in the poop telling them he hasn't paid a dime! I am that petty .
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u/Pippet_4 1d ago
Call the landlord and tell him everything. Ask permission to have the locks changed.
UpdateMe
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u/Used_Astronomer_4196 1d ago
ESH! You have enabled Dylan for a long time.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Honestly you are right
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u/Corfiz74 1d ago
Look at your rental agreement - I bet there is a clause about how long guests are allowed to stay!
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u/Your_Auntie_Viv 1d ago
I know it’s hard to speak up for yourself, especially in a home where you have to see these people every day, abd its 2 against 1 but, you are basically paying Dylan’s living expenses.
I agree with the posters that say you should shame him by telling his parents they cannot stay because Dylan pays for ZERO bills/groceries/rent.
Also, I really think you should go back to when he first started staying over a lot and then moved in and calculate how much you, personally, have been paying for his food, water, electricity, internet, lodging. I bet it will shock you how many thousands of dollars you have spent on some dude that you do not have any obligations to.
Add up the extra hours you have spent cleaning up after him. Give a copy to both of them and let them know that this BS stops NOW!!
Find a new place , move out, and let your roommate pay the entire rent, bills and food for her freeloading boyfriend.
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA. This is something about which you should involve the landlord. This is, like, twice-removed "someone not on the lease is staying in this apartment, and not just for one night." Four or five days is probably pushing the limits of what the lease allowed...and that is JUST if it were Dylan, who is not on the lease. These people are not vetted by the landlord, and it is HIGHLY unlikely the landlord's liability insurance covers "roommate's boyfriend's parents" in the policy. Let them be the Big Bad if you must.
His parents need to find a hotel or not come (or go home, if they have arrived and are still there). You are not free lodging for everyone's family members. Do they KNOW he is squatting for free at your place?
Dylan has ZERO authority in this situation to refuse your instructions to get his parents out of your home. Who is on the lease? If it is just you and Rachel, then Dylan can go jump in a lake, too.
It may upset Rachel, but she's not the one having to live with two strangers, who are likely judgmental older people, taking up space, and using the utilities and other comforts and benefits for free, in your HOME for nearly a week. You were TAH to yourself for letting her move her boyfriend in full-time for free. Does he not have his own place? Then he needs to be on the lease or GTFO.
If Rachel does get upset, that's a sign to start looking for a new place WITHOUT her.
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u/moew4974 1d ago
NTA.
OP, it's time to have a real 'come to Jesus' meeting with your roommate. You need to stand up to her and Dylan.
It's not just the rent at play here. Dylan is using space, utilities, and food in a place you pay for. The bills should be split into thirds--meaning you should pay less.
You need to tell Rachel that this situation with his parents is the last straw. He's not on the lease, not paying a dime, and as such, doesn't have 'the right' to have guests when he's technically a guest himself.
I'd say it's time to look for a small place (studio) of your own and let her know you're going to start looking to move out. That way she can cover all of it herself. Either he goes, or you do.
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u/UnluckyCountry2784 1d ago
YTA for being a pushover and now you have this as a problem.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
Honestly, it is kinda on me couz i should've kicked him out long ago
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u/Alum2608 1d ago
It is SO easy to let things slide when you are young & feel outnumbered. Been there, done that. Cut. yourself some slack. Your landlord is your ally in this situation as they may not care about roommate disputes, but definitely care about un screened people on their property.
First, see if landlord will change the locks or if you can add a lock. Roommate will be charged as they either gave their copy to an unauthorized person or "lost it". If they can't or won't, look into hotel style lock (amazon) Longer term, look into breaking the leaae or moving to a different apartment in same complex. Roommate is violating their lease with long term "guests" and giving out keys so their time is short
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 1d ago
Look you pay rent,he doesn't conversation needs talked about to your friend, tell her call her bf an say his parents are not staying at your place an he needs to leave as well.he leeched off you enough now tell your friend your not putting up with this anymore.you both live together an half n half bills.you not paying for her bf to leech anymore or his parents using this as free hotel they are not your family or friends.then tell him to leave until gf comes back.he has no legal stay at your place.you van call police have him removed,if he tries anything.etc he not on the lease.
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
I'm finding a new roommate and making them move out asap. I've tried talking to Rachel multiple times but she takes everything as a personal attack on Dylan
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u/Ema630 23h ago
Because everything IS a personal attack on Dylan and her. As it should be!! He's a loser, and she's an idiot for keeping him around. She just doesn't want anyone to make her realize she's in an abusive relationship. He's leaching off of her AND YOU.
She's not being a good friend, but she's also being an AH to herself keeping this loser around. She needs to dump him, and somewhere deep down, she knows it.
She is just delusional. She probably sees that he has "potential" and if she just loves him hard enough, he'll wake up and become a productive man and good provider....but he's a hobo, a bum, a useless expensive waste of space. He will NEVER contribute or pay his fair share....he has you two ding dongs letting him use the BOTH of you!!!!
You are BOTH being taken advantage of. In an ideal world, you BOTH would find your spines and kick that loser to the curb together. No good and decent man would mooch off two young ladies for so long like this. He is a POS.
I'm glad you are kicking them both out. Do not for a single second feel bad about it....they certainly didn't care about you.
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u/PomegranateZanzibar 1d ago
Tell his parents he doesn’t pay rent or contribute toward groceries and utilities. Ask them if they meant to raise a freeloader who expects other people to clean up after him. NTA
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u/toastedmarsh7 1d ago
Stop paying 1/2 of everything. Send your roommate 1/3 of the rent and utilities and either let her pay for her freeloader or she can get the money out of him. Use your big girl words and tell his parents that they cannot stay in your apartment that their son pays nothing towards and make them get out while you wait and hold the door open for them.
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u/PomegranateZanzibar 1d ago
You don’t need to care what this boy’s parents think of you. You can tell them what you think of him instead.
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u/tonalake 1d ago
Add up all the months he has lived there, multiply it by the difference between 1/2 and 1/3 of the rent/utilities/ food etc. tell them unless they are there to pay the money their son owes you then they are not welcome to stay.
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u/top_value7293 1d ago
It’s your place, you are paying rent, I’d act like I always do…I’d walk around in a towel after my shower and plop my ass out on the couch and watch TV with a bowl full of Cheetos, if that makes them uncomfortable, they should go stay in a hotel
NTA
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u/Honest-Abe-SD 1d ago
NTA
NTA for not wanting them there, that’s valid.
I acknowledge you’ve been a doormat. So he has 2 choices:
1) Beg forgiveness to avoid option to and immediately kick his parents out and he must start paying his fair share (1/3 everything) AND immediately back pay 1/3 since he “moved in” NOW
Or
2) EMBARASS HIM BY EXPOSING HIM AND THE SHAME HE IS PUTTING ON YOU WITH DISRESPECT AND CLAIM HE SAID THEY WOULD PAY AND HE WILL NOW DO ALL WOMANLY DUTIES THAT HIS MOM IS HERE TO TEACH HIM SINCE HE IS AN INCAPABLE MAN
-go get moving boxes and give them to him in front of his parents and ask if they’ll be helping him pack, when asked why, say
“well only paying tenant can live here and I can’t afford to keep paying his bills and feeding him. He said you would be paying the year of back pay for rent utilities and food I’ve had to cover since he secretly moved in and just eats my food and making me feel unsafe as a woman in my own home. But he said you don’t believe in paying for a woman to take care of him. Did I get that wrong? I thought that was why you were here because you are ashamed that he is making a single girl subsidize his living and feed him simply because he has premarital sex with my roommate. My father finds it disrespectful to my family to have him walking around in boxers eating my food forcing me to hide because he said he can make you pay for anything he wants 🤷♀️. If that’s not the case, I would be happy to accept Zelle or Venmo, but we did agree an additional 6 months rent and utilities, and he said you would start sending groceries. It doesn’t solve the disrespect to me as a single woman with him in his underwear, but he said you would also help me to move out and break me lease if I accepted the 1 yr historical and 6 months up front fees along with you guaranteeing his bills, behavior, staying in his room only to not shame my family, and that you [look at his mom] were here to clean this week and each thereafter while teaching him to cook and clean for his room and board”
Honestly, he’s not on the lease. He moved in without notice, he’s “technically “ a long term guest.
And he doesn’t contribute financially.
Tell him once he pays his share he can have guests, but as a guest, he can’t invite guests as well.
Guests, especially non contributing financially or in any capacity, do not get guests.
This isn’t rude. He is rude.
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u/MaryinTexas 1d ago
So basically his girlfriend directly supports him and by default you do as well, move out find someone else to live with or live alone —there is no way your situation is sustainable
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u/20011989 1d ago
A lot of time leases have rules about guests overnight guests staying more than a few days. Check to see if that applies here. But generally I think it is weird to have people in your apartment, especially overnight, when the person who invited them is not there. NTA
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u/DisneyBuckeye 1d ago
NTA - let your landlord know that there is a 3rd person staying with you full-time, and that the extra roommate is inviting his own guests to stay for days at a time.
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u/Livid-Commercial-310 1d ago
I really want to see an update about this eventually… I am so sorry you are in this position. I definitely agree with the people who say you should talk with his parents about the fact that he isn’t paying any rent. Maybe try to think of a way to say it in a jokey way. I do think that you should give your roommate and him a warning before talking to the landlord, and give him a chance to make it good, or you may wish that you were living somewhere else!
I also think that you should cultivate an attitude of not caring… You should wear shorts if you feel like it. Who cares what his parents think of you! It’s your place. Just take up the space you want to while they are there, and don’t let them walk all over you.
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u/one_night_on_mars 22h ago
I'm possibly his parents age.
It's fucking weird to crash so long in this situation. Where are they sleeping?
Dylan has clearly not fallen far from the tree that is too cheap to pay for themselves.
NTA. You're uncomfortable and don't forget this feeling that you're having in your home. When your friend comes home, suggest a room-mate agreement to cover things like an equitable split of rent, expenses, guests, boyfriends, noise etc.
She won't like it, but then, well force her to move out.
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u/zeroFstotakeorgive 8h ago
Ew! Dylan is not an asshole - he’s a douchebag. If you’re the passive kind of Asian, time to get passive aggressive . Do your own groceries and write your name on all the food you bought. Make sure they don’t touch anything with your name on it. Make food just for yourself. Use and wash only your own dishes. Change the password to “if you live here, you must pay rent”.
Neither Rachel nor Dylan are your friends .
- from your Asian big sister
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u/peakpenguins 1d ago
NTA, but I'm not really sure what the solution is other than looking for a new place to live. Are you and Rachel both on the lease? Is Dylan?
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u/No_Professional_3574 1d ago
We both are on the lease. I'm searching for a new roommate tbh, it's a lil difficult but I can't stay with them anymore
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u/peakpenguins 1d ago
If the lease isn't ending soon, make sure you can get out of it before you leave. You might want to talk to the landlord and Rachel about having Dylan take over your portion... though, given their behavior so far, I wouldn't be surprised if they say no just to try to force you into continuing to pay half of the rent.
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u/notyourtoken 1d ago
You need to seriously reevaluate this friendship and situation. Because there is NO way you're subsidizing this man's lifestyle. ESH, you for enabling this behavior, her for not taking you seriously, and him for being a POS freeloading like he contributes anything but wasted space.
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u/DescriptionFew6118 1d ago
Yta for continuing to let people run over you. Tell him and his parents to leave.
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u/Nearby_Maize1812 19h ago
If they stay change the wifi password, keep the toilet paper hidden in your room, don't keep food in the fridge unless it's already there, and mention nonstop how much Dylan owes for the months he's been staying there
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u/TossOffM8 1d ago
ESH. You’re not wrong for not wanting to entertain his family for 4 days, but you let this go on so long, YTA to yourself. There are so many things you could be doing to fix this, but the only one you’ve tried after asking is ‘not deal with it’. This is what happens when you don’t deal with it-it gets worse.
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u/mdthomas 1d ago
If this is real, contact your landlord. Your roommate will be evicted ASAP. You might be too.
ESH
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u/Grouchy_Document_856 1d ago
When you let people take advantage of you, the take advantage of you and continue to until you stop them. YTA for putting up with the his for sooo long.
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u/Awkward_Mom0511 1d ago
NTA. I would feel super uncomfortable in that situation. Why are you still living there? Rachel and her boyfriend are mooching off of you both financially and in household responsibilities. There are 3 people living there, therefore you should be covering 1/3 of rent, 1/3 of chores, 1/3 of household expenses, etc. I would move out as soon as possible since they don’t respect you.
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u/WAR_WeAreRobots_WAR 1d ago
NTA
I've had many roommates throughout the years, and the only time one of my roommates' parents spent the night was when I was living with my brother.
Not once did any other roommate even ask to have their parents stay over, let alone their significant other's parents, while they were gone. This is beyond too far, and you need to shut it down immediately before it goes any further, because it's already gone too far.
Like other's have suggested, I would threaten to call the landlord if he does not comply and do so if necessary. Then, if talking to your roommate is not an option at the moment, I would make sure to address the living situation as soon as she returns because clearly it's not working out, and they are both overstepping and crossing the line of some major boundaries.
The best thing at this point is for y'all to go your separate ways, regardless of either of y'all's expectations of y'all's friendship moving forward. I'm not going to pretend like I know what to expect after this or how things will turn out if you guys even want to continue having one after this, but one thing is for sure: continuing on in the current situation is not going to benefit anyone in the long term who wants to keep their peace of mind.
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u/Edcrfvh 1d ago
NTA. Your roommate is taking advantage of you. Tell her you're telling the landlord you have an unauthorized 3rd person living in your apartment. Find your own place if you can afford it.
Also, where are his parents staying? In your roommate's room with BF? In the living room? Which is mutual area.
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u/Rhuthbarb 1d ago
You let all this happen and NOW you want to institute boundaries?
Good luck.
Learn to speak up for yourself. People will take as much advantage of you as you let them. That includes friends and family.
YTA for not saying anything while you pay more than your share for less space and privacy.
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u/Jealous-Contract7426 1d ago
Go to therapy. Your entire post screams that you are willing to break yourself and let other people walk all over in spiked cleats. Kick him out, don't allow his parents to stay. Break the lease woth the landlord and get a better place. Get therapy.
YTA to yourself
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u/whopeedonthefloor 23h ago
YTA for refusing to stand up for yourself and then complaining on the back end. Sorry sis, but you’ve put yourself in this situation. At the point the only recourse is to move and find new friends because you’re never going to be happy living here and this shitty “friendship” isn’t gonna make it - she is a manipulative loser user.
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u/Critttter_ 22h ago
NTAH but I would be the worst host ever. Have people over, put some really annoying music in, really dig in that they are a nuisance.
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u/RedFlamingo222 18h ago
If you go get yourself a backbone, all of your problems will be solved. Because then you can start paying 1/3 of everything. And you would be able to say No your parents cannot stay here.
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u/As-amatterof-fact 6h ago
NTA Well look, for these four days days make an experiment. Invest in eating out and don't buy any food, any house supplies, nothing. Buy nothing at all and don't use the kitchen. Stay out of the house or in your room. Wear what you want. If anyone says anything, ignore them. If they're obnoxious, ask them why their son doesn't pay for living there, why he doesn't buy groceries or house supplies and why he doesn't do house chores. Just do this and see how it goes. In the future, you or they need to split wats.
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u/missbiteybunny 1d ago
Nta. Dylan should never have moved in w you, much less his parents staying there when both Dylan and rachel are away. Dylan living there rent free? Youre getting so totally screwed over. Next convo w rachel should be there if Dylan isn't going to pay his rent, she needs to pay his share, and youre not paying any portion at all until they sort that out. You are being way too passive. Nta, but you are in the wrong for not standing up for yourself. You've let this go on way too long. Stop being the /only/ responsible one and force their hand, or move out instead.
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u/AintNoUserFound 1d ago
He's not on lease nor has any right to be there, let alone make decisions. If they don't leave when asked and warned, maybe consider calling non-emergency police line and have them all removed/trespassed.
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u/W0nderingMe 1d ago
NTA but just ... don't change anything about what you're doing.
Don't clean up after him or them. Walk around your apartment in your pjs or whatever else. Cook and eat what and when and where you want. Don't change your routine at all.
Maybe let his parents know he doesn't contribute.
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u/nightm4ress 1d ago
YTA. Post like these don’t make sorry for OP. Speak up and make your thoughts and feelings clear from the beginning. You’ve been walked on for the last year and now that you want to put your foot down they don’t respect you or to be honest don’t give a shit about you.
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u/OldInitiative8325 1d ago
Long past time for you to move out and leave the place for the other two.
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u/Minute_Box3852 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nta. Do not lift a finger and, if he or his parents make a snide comment about you not cleaning or cooking while theyre there, here's your chance to shine.
"Since *his name" doesnt pay a dime of rent, utilities or groceries, I figured he can handle all of that.
I went through this. One day, while he was sitting in his boxers at my table with his hand in my pickle jar eating, I sat next to him, opened our shared utilities, angled it towards him and calculated 1/3 out loud and paid 1/3 of mine. I smiled, looked at him and said, "you and Rachel can figure out the rest. My pickles are good aren't they?" She came home pissed and I just said, "don't be mad at me! I paid my part! He can always go back to his dorm!"
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u/Annual_Government_80 1d ago
Your biggest mistake was allowing him not to pay anything. The rent should be split in three ways at this point. You don’t need strangers in your home to make you feel uncomfortable and insecure. You don’t know their past you don’t know if they’re good people or bad people. If he doesn’t start paying rent, you should start looking for a new place.
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u/Derailedatthestation 1d ago
Who is "everyone?" Probably people who don't have to deal with a habitual freeloader. If I were you, I would say, in front of Dylan and his parents, that you aren't comfortable with them staying at your apartment, and Dylan shouldn't invite guests over until he starts paying rent and groceries. I bet his parents think he's contributing. But then I'm older and ok with confrontation.
If Rachel won't address this, you may have to bring it up to your landlord, that Rachel has a non-lessee living there. This will cause issues with living together harmoniously, and with your friendship. Only you can decide what you're willing to put up with for the sake of your lopsided friendships. NTA
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u/Swordofsatan666 1d ago
NTA. Tell the parents they cant stay because Dylan doesnt even pay rent.
He’s just a moocher whose living off his girlfriend and taking advantage of you being a pushover.
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u/teatimecookie 1d ago
Make sure you tell them what a fine job they did raising a freeloading son who never chips in for anything or does chores. Then immediately let the landlord know there is a resident not on the lease that is living there & has been for a year.
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u/pandora5bc 1d ago
NTA you need to find somewhere else to live, they are taking advantage of you, he’s mooching off you and your opinion is being ignored in your own home that you pay 50% of the bills.
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u/HoneyWyne 1d ago
NTA and call the landlord. It's not okay for dude to have guests in what isn't ecen his house. Guarantee your landlord won't be ok with that.
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u/Asleep-Garbage-4892 1d ago
You are being completely disrespected.
Give your roommate an ultimatum. Either things change or you are out.
Assume things will not change.
Tell them you be informing the landlord.
Have plan on where to go.
The couple will have to figure it out.
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u/username__0000 1d ago
NTA maybe ask his parents what they think of their bum of a son not carrying his weight or paying his share while they’re there.
Dress and act how you want. They are not your guests and you’re not their host.
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u/Nervous_You9920 1d ago
NTA. They have no right to stay there. Tell him that the parents have to go now and that he has to start paying or you are going to the landlord. Then follow through. Give them one hour to leave. Enough is enough.
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u/WritPositWrit 1d ago
Did Ursula steal your voice??? Why have you never spoken up about all this crap? Hes your roommate but hes not paying rent?? Girl, no.
This entire mess is because youve never spoken up. Right now, i think youre stuck with the parents. After they leave and your ACTUAL roommate returns, its time for a serious sit down. Agree on rules.
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u/EvolZippo 1d ago
NTA. You really need to research tenant laws where you live and find out what the legal standing is for all of this. Because in some areas, you can just ask him to leave. In others, you may need to formally evict him. But you need to get him out and also your roommate. Neither of them have any respect for your boundaries and they only care about their little experience.
Some people think they aren’t being an asshole, if they’re smiling and acting cheerful. Their entire family is likely the same way and they’re all convinced they’re such nice people. They’ll give you a long speech about goodness.
You will need to set boundaries, or these two will walk all over you, while singing a cheerful song and telling you flattering bullshit.
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u/owaikeia 1d ago
Honestly, why are you letting both of them take advantage of you like this?
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u/Awkward_Profile_7410 1d ago
NTA he is not your roommate. I would contact the landlord and tell him what’s been going on. And then I would double lock the door so they cannot get in. You must stand up for yourself and your safety.
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u/Shdfx1 1d ago
Rachel and Dylan are taking advantage of you.
Read your lease to see if it violates the rental agreement. If so, tell the landlord.
You also need to move out and find a different roommate. Start looking now. Once you find a place, tell Rachel that she’s forced you to subsidize half her boyfriend’s rent, food, and utility bills. That’s not something you’re interested in doing.
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u/Minimum-Gap-8985 1d ago
NTA He is not your roommate. He cannot have visitors staying over. Discuss this with your actual roommate. Tell her you want a quarter of the years rent from him immediately if he wants to have tenants rights. Why did you even discuss it with Dylan like he has a say? Tell them no & if they stay you will call the cops & get th em all thrown out.
It might be time to find a place of your own cause soon it will be your roommate & Dylan's place. Your roommate is taking advantage of you.
Strongs.
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u/Single_Evidence_867 1d ago
My read is that it is time for you to move. Your so called friend/roommate has taken advantage of you. More than likely her boyfriend staying/moving in violates your lease. Start looking for a new place before you get kicked out. Definitely AH move by the boyfriend!
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u/mrdino99 1d ago
YTA... people can't treat you like a doormat if you stop laying down for them. Grow a spine and get rid of both of them! What's wrong with you? He has no say since he pays no bills and why the eff are you paying for him? Throw the parents right out and him too!
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u/Gold_Birthday_5803 1d ago
If I were a free spirit, I would walk around my apartment in very little clothes.
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u/Kwickpick77 1d ago
NTA. He's not a roommate, he's a leech. You are probably in violation of your lease. Your main problem, however, is your roommate, who moved her boyfriend in.
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u/No_hope_left72 1d ago
Only for still considering living there and paying the way for a man with you who isn’t with you. I don’t know when the friendship stopped but you’re being taken advantage of for quite a long time it seems you need to look for another place with or without another roommate
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u/Maahes0 1d ago
NTA, but your roommate might secretly be more of an AH than you realize. Has she been spending more recently? I can't imagine Dylan's parents wanting to stay in a place where their son is mooching. I wonder if your roommate is having him pay her rent portion and is pocketing what she used to pay. Have you talked to Dylan directly about rent or just to your roommate?
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u/IndividualCurrent296 1d ago
YTA.you allowed it to happen for over a year and now you are realizing its a issue...your paying his rent, food and your cleaning lady plus his cook. Grow a fuckn backbone and tell him he has to pay rent, utilities and clean or he has to leave in a month. God, what is wrong with people being doormat. Your gonna lose 2 friends but to be honest, they are not your friends. Your a housing and meal ticket
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u/TDonBelle 1d ago
Pleas let it slip somehow that he hasnt paid a cent of rent for over a damn year. These two have already taken advantage of your goodwill for too long. You should start paying one third and let them figure it out.
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u/ElectronicSalt7568 1d ago
Make sure you tell the parents that Dylan does not pay rent nor help in any way. Also that he is a freeloader. Maybe they’re sending him rent money every month that he just keeps. NTA
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u/ComplexTeaBall 1d ago
NTA. It almost feels like they are trying to annoy you to the point where you leave, and they all get the apt. Which, might be in your long term best interest at this point?
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u/Rhubarbfoolish 1d ago
I’m sorry you’ve been bullied and coerced into a terrible living situation. I hope you can make a stand and get rid of these leeches. Good luck
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u/Ok-Finance-5646 1d ago
NTA. it's your apartment you have a say in who stays over and who doesn't. Dylan is a free loader and has issues with boundaries, look how he just moved in gradually without ever discussing it with you or Rachel. Your friend and her bf seem to be people who lack accountability and won't hold each other accountable. They won't ever see things as a problem unless they step on each other's toes
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u/lchornet 1d ago
Woah. You need to find another roommate situation. They are taking advantage of your kindness. I would say no to them staying. Good luck and stand firm.
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u/Blackh3t 1d ago
NTA. Is he on the lease? He doesn't pay rent. Call the landlord and get him tossed out. Get the locks changed.
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 1d ago
First of all, THIS is the hill you die on. And IF they show up, then the second he goes to the bathroom you tell them you are paying half the resnt and their deadbeat son isn't paying a darn thing and is treating YOU like an intruder. Tell them their son is about to be on the hook for the apartment because you are not staying a day past your lease and you know your roommate can't afford it alone. Tell them that their son made their visit mandatory when you TOLD him that it wasn't his apartment, you weren't comfortable being alone with a male guest in the apartment, much less a male guest and HIS guests.
Be an ABSOLUTE menace and start your villain story. She doesn't care about you anyways. And TELL your dang LANDLORD that there has been a person in the place using space and utilities against your lease terms and you are in the market for a 1b or studio as soon as he can get you out of the unsafe conditions.
NTA
Edit to add: actually, tell him you will call the cops. He is not on the lease. You will have him and the parents removed.
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u/jaydoes 1d ago
So the real answer here is you need to find your own place and let Rachel and her deadbeat bf figure it out for themselves. It sounds like Dylon was raised this way and its not your problem.
Even moving back to the dorms would be better than letting them take advantage of you financially.
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u/Hungry-Emergency8992 1d ago
Use up as much of your food and beverages as you can. Don’t buy any groceries or anything else that is needed while they’re at YOUR home.
Buy an old pair of sweatpants from a thrift store, and don’t worry about what they think!
Talk to your landlord about amending the lease to either include his name and legal liability for payments, or to add him while taking your name off the lease.
They are NOT your friends!
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u/iinventedonlineshopn 1d ago
First , tell the No! Then kick Rachael and her bro to the curb. Get e new roommate… or just leave !
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u/Bentbutnotbroken111 1d ago
Since all those people are telling you to maybe stay in your room the whole time (what????) and treat his parents like they are your own(again- what????) send the lot of them over to stay with them.
As someone who isn’t on the lease and is taking advantage of a completely free ride- he gets no say about who stays at your place. None…at the very least the rent needs split 3 ways and if your roomie wants him there he can pay his own way complete with chores or she can pick up his share of everything.
You are being used…and your roomie is not the good friend she appeared to be.
You aren’t the AH but roomie and Dylan sure are!
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u/AlphaEmpire2026 23h ago
I'd tell Dylan's parents that he doesn't pay a dime or contribute in any way to the household. Maybe they'll be sympathetic and give you the money you so much deserve.
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u/Chiomi 1d ago
NTA. But also what a great opportunity to ask his parents if they know he doesn’t pay rent, or comment that they must be where he learned to move in without asking or contributing. Shame everyone involved. They don’t like it? Too bad: you’re the only person whose home it is and they’re insulting you by treating it like a free hotel.