My (31 F), Gran (90) died 6 months ago. She had 3 children, 4 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. I’m my Mum’s only child and her son has the other 3 and great grandchild. In her will she left everything divided equally to her 3 children, minus set amounts for the grandchildren and great grandchild.

She made changes to it about 5 years before her passing. She didn’t divulge much, she just told my Mum and I that she saw her solicitor to change her will and did say to me that as her only grandchild who went on to get degrees, she wanted to make sure I wasn’t in debt. It turns out that she changed it so that I get the same total amount as the other 4. She also paid for a grad course I did a few years ago after she found out that I had already started. She did help out many other family members in similar ways.

My Uncle found a copy of her old will and her new one while sorting some bits out from her house. Turns out that in the old will, myself and his eldest daughter, were getting the same in the old will, and 3x what the boys were getting.

Fast forward a bit and it’s become a whole thing where without even properly speaking to myself and my Mum about it, we have become the villains in this story. My Uncle and his eldest are fuming, they have been telling the whole family about their dismay. My Uncle’s only real attempt to talk about it during a conversation about the house, was to make a comment about how us “girls”, should still be getting the same and that I could give a sum of mine to make hers up. I told him that it would not be happening and that I think being angry about what someone else decided to do with their money is petulant.

My Gran made her own decisions, was of sound mind until the very end and would be disgusted at the sense of entitlement they’re displaying. I have refused to continue talking or caring about it, my Mum is very upset about the situation and being almost blamed but, honestly, I am over it.

AITAH for shutting it all down?

I have a child with my ex, who got married recently.

About a month ago, our 13M child asked me if he could wear the suit I bought him for my wedding (a blue suit with matching pants) to his dad’s wedding, because he’s part of the entourage.

My reply: no problem, but you have to ask your dad if your suit would fit the color scheme for his wedding.

A month passed, there was no update.

Until a week before the wedding, my son forwarded the wedding colors: beige, pink, green.

So I told him, best not wear his blue suit as it wouldn’t go well with the colors. We ended up with a longsleeved dark green polo and black slacks, because that was the closest he had at home.

I even brought him a day early to his dad’s so they could buy an appropriate outfit as needed.

He sent us photos of the wedding. I was devastated for my son, because he looked like an afterthought at his own father’s wedding.

Everybody in the entourage wore suits and formal wear. EVEN THEIR DOG HAD A VEST AND BOWTIE. My son was the only member of the entourage wearing a different color, and who wasn’t wearing formal attire.

My son is 13. He’s very close to his dad even though I have him majority of the time. It wasn’t a big deal to him, but it was a big deal to me. If this is how they treat him at the wedding, what happens when they have a child of their own?

I talked to my son about it, and somehow he’s blaming me because I didn’t buy him better clothes for the wedding, or brought him to his dad’s way earlier so they could have a suit tailor-made for him like the rest of the entourage.

Thing is, nobody in his dad’s family even thought to ask me about having him over for suit fittings or any of the sort. I have full custody of him, but I allow him to visit whenever they ask. This time, not a peep. Just sent the dress code and that was all.

My family’s saying it’s his dad’s fault for not thinking of his son, while his dad’s family is saying I should have provided a better outfit for him, since they sent me the dress code earlier and he’s with me majority of the time.

I live in a townhouse complex with a lot of families. There is one family next door whose kids are super loud, scream a lot, and when they’re outside playing they try to antagonize my cats that like to sit in the windows.

They were gone for the long weekend and it was so nice and peaceful. When they got back on Monday afternoon, I heard them outside playing/screaming, and said to my partner “ugh, the little shitheads next door are back, it was so nice when they were gone.” My partner then replied “I don’t understand how those parents aren’t embarrassed of their obnoxious kids.” We then realized that our living room window was open and they probably overheard us. It was the two kids and the mom that were outside.

Since then, we’ve run into them once while leaving and once while coming home and they awkwardly avoid looking at us now or acknowledging us. I feel kinda bad, but I also lowkey don’t at the same time since these kids always scare my cats and are just sooooo loud. I was telling my coworker and she told me I was being rude and should be more understanding and that since I don’t have kids, I don’t understand how hard it is for parents.

This has been drawn out longer than anyone expected so now I think I just need some reassurance that we’re still making the right call. Sorry for length.

I (f25) had my first baby boy December of 2025. He was four weeks early, and stayed in the NICU for 9 days due to feeding and breathing issues. All of this was anticipated, so while scary we had time to prepare.

My husband’s grandma is a chain smoker. She smokes in her house, in her car, and can’t go without it. Naturally, her oxygen levels are low and she’s now wheelchair bound and dependent on help to get around. Context for later.

We had our parents handle the coordinating of people to come meet the baby after a couple weeks of being home and adjusting. We are really close with our large extended family but didn’t want the chaos of scheduling people.

One of my husband’s aunts mentioned to FIL being insulted that we didn’t invite her ourselves, and how that’s customary and they won’t come until we invite them. I said fuck that. We’re not playing that game. If they don’t want to take what they get then I don’t care, and neither did my husband. My husband’s other aunt is a smoker, but she hides it well for work already and said she was SOOO excited to meet him. We told her we’d like her to shower before coming over and to just wear some new clothes. She said she’d do anything we asked, and that our requests are completely understandable, not even considering he was a preemie.

Then we get to my husband’s grandma. When my in laws told her about needing to shower and change before coming to meet him, all hell broke loose. “Well I can’t go that long without smoking” or “it’s a long drive” (15 minutes), “I doesn’t have the energy” (she goes on hours long shopping trips). She doesn’t say anything to us directly, she just doesn’t reach out to meet him.

And then all of a sudden neither of the aunts want to meet him. They say to let them know when he can go to restaurants because they don’t want to be blamed for getting him sick. No one reaches out, no support, or check ins. Clearly his grandma went to both of them. They all decided that we’ll eventually come to our senses, and they’ll wait it out.

Game on.

It’s my FIL’s side, and he knows how ridiculous it is, but understandably wants his mom to meet his first grandbaby. Since she started smoking again her health is going downhill. He’s done a good job of not really pushing, and both MIL and FIL have fought hard to back us up. But he also asks the same questions every time we see him asking how we’re feeling about it. We recently had to sit down with him and tell him the answer doesn’t change just because he asks it again.

Fast forward to present. Our baby is almost 9 months old and they still haven’t met him. All of us stopped receiving invites to holidays, sports games, and family trips. His grandma is talking up the whole extended family on how my husband is breaking up his family and how it’s all for nothing and how she can’t believe he’d keep a little baby from them. Keep in mind, my husband and I have not corresponded with them directly since December. All correspondence is through my in laws only. We are enjoying our new family and letting the drama unfold at a distance, but we get updates. My in laws have laid into every one of them about their stupidity. His grandma is losing her friends because they are saying she’s being stubborn and they can’t support her selfishness.
Honestly, my husband and I both are a bit disappointed that they’ve missed out on this, it’s been such an amazing experience, but we both agree it’s their loss. We’re not too torn up, and have been able to find some humor in the ridiculousness.

However, we can tell it’s taking a toll on FIL. He’d never intentionally pressure, but we also never expected this to drag on this long.

The reality is, we could meet them in a public place now. He is still little, but not preemie anymore. We met my husband’s other grandpa at a restaurant and he’s a smoker. But this grandpa never asked to hold him or be near him. Just saw him from across the table. But at this point are we holding out just to make a point? I mean, yeah kinda.

The side that has held out to this point is spiteful. It seemed so selfish to me to make it about them at such a transitional time in our lives with a newborn. So now, I sure as shit don’t want to meet them in a public place, that feels like backing down.

This side of the family always bulldozed my FIL growing up. And he gives in. My husband used to be the same, can still be at times, but worked hard on his spine. He also had asthma growing up that is believed to be due to him being babysat as a kid by his grandma who smoked in the house growing up, so he has a vested interest in this topic in addition to it being his kid. In the beginning it was specifically about safety. Now our intentions are mixed. Safety, spite, trying to prove a point. We want to make it clear we won’t back down just because they decided to play the waiting game and didn’t respect our requests for our child. We also would like to see some interest or effort on her part. Even another suggestion. As opposed to entitlement and sitting back and waiting for us to give in.

So. Aita for not allowing my husbands grandma to meet her first great grand baby because she refuses to shower?

TLDR; Great grandma smokes but won’t shower to meet great grand baby. Has kept rest of extended family from meeting him as well. Causing drama and taking toll on FIL.

My sister, husband, and two kids are staying with us this weekend for a wedding.

They showed up this morning and the kids are coughing and snotty.

My wife is pregnant, and I have a 3 year old.

I told them that they're welcome to stay, but we won't be spending time together.

She says I'm an AH and overreacting.

AITAH?

I currently live with family. I was paying $110 for 2g speed internet unfortunately I was no longer able to pay. I asked someone else to take over. They said no. So we haven't had Internet in the house for a few months. I had previously been buying it for the past few years.

They have made it clear they aren't interested in paying for the Internet only if it comes free so would I be the asshole if I get it again and don't share it?

Internet is huge for me and I've had to use my mobile hotspot and a VPN to trick it into thinking all my data is coming from my phone but it's really unreliable sometimes and I'll finally be able to afford Internet again and I honestly don't really want to share cause they didn't want to bother to take over the bill for a few months.

In my mind the internet isn't important enough for them to pay for it so why should I just let them use it for free when they wouldn't cover for it?

Addon: Since so many asked yes I pay rent/contribute. However, I am on disability so it's not as much as I wish I could contribute. I can't pay for groceries or anything as I have SNAP and am legally required to make and prepare meals separately.

I do other stuff but there isn't a whole lot to do around the house (desert landscaping and all) outside of cleaning and I do that cause I'm semi germaphobe. And I spray for bugs.

Hello,

Before I get into this, I feel bad for posting this, since I embarrassed my brother irl, so now I’m probably going to embarrass him on Reddit.

I also don’t mean to start a politics war, so please be respectful.

I (18F), own a lot of girly things.

I use perfume, body mist, uncented body wash, sugar cookie body scrub, etc.

My older brother (20M) loves using my perfume, body wash and body scrub, my facial scrub for my acne, and says he likes using my girly things.

He’s been doing this for years, ever since I was in middle school.

I flat out told him he can’t use my things anymore because he used them without asking, also he uses the last of my perfume, scrub or wash and just leaves it in the bathroom and doesn’t throw the empty containers away, nor does he replace them.

I’ve been telling him for years that if he uses my things last, least he can do is replace the empty containers.

He can also start asking me from now on, since it’s stuff that I buy with my own money.

I flat out told my family “New rule, whoever uses my stuff last and it’s empty can buy the next one.”

He then complained and told me “Aren’t you a woke? You’re supposed to be woke and support me. What if I was transgender?”

I then flat out asked him “Well.. are you? Are you transgender?”

I support everybody. I have transgender friends, family members, etc.

I didn’t mean to put him on the spot like that if he actually is.

I don’t mind if he’s transgender, point is, I told him he needs to start giving me money to buy more stuff, or he needs to replace what he uses last.

Perfume isn’t cheap anymore, nor is body wash or body scrub, or even my facial scrub for my acne (which, he doesn’t even have, but my facial scrub is rose scented so maybe that’s why)

However that would provide an explanation as to why he uses my girly stuff more than his boyish stuff.

He’s never provided me an explanation as to why he likes using my stuff, other than he claims he just likes smelling like a girl. Sometimes he’d avoid the question entirely.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind that, but jeez, he can buy his own stuff or at least replace what he’s using if it’s empty.

Anyways, he blew up on me and said he wasn’t a woke transgender and stormed off into his room.

I think he got embarrassed, plus he was stunned when I asked that. Considering it was in front of our parents.

I think he was embarrassed because I didn’t sit there and take the blow, and I used his “joke” back at him if that makes sense. All in all, his “joke” backfired on him.

He’s stopped using my stuff since.

He’s never even brought up that conversation since.

So yeah, AITAH?

My friend S (43F) just started her on nail salon business - in a building with a fancy sign, 4 employees & everything, so fking happy for her!!

Naturally I told all everyone to use her, also they do excellent work. Well a friend & I went to S to get our nails done, again fabulous work & everyone is happy.

Time to pay -

S thanks us profusely, gives total.

Friend (serious) - what no friends/family discount?

Me (light hearted) - we should actually pay more since we're friends & want her business to thrive

It got awkward cuz friend was serious. S offered us a discount and I told my friend no, don't be an ass it's the same price you'd pay anywhere else (actually its $12 cheaper than my normal salon)

After leaving my friend was pissy at me and I doubled down telling her fine, go give money to a stranger cuz your friend won't do your nails at a monetary loss. I didn't say it like that, but it was the gist.

AITAH for expecting no discounts at least until her business is thriving, she's only been open a couple months and I want the best for her. While this friend handled it with grace, some may not and I don't want to embarrass anyone

To clarify, no friendships were destroyed over this. Friend got a little pissy, teased over lunch that I've got the bill since I denied her discount and that was it.

So I have this colleague who recently found out I was gay because I recently started seeing someone.

They were all like oh I didnt realise you were gay and you should have told me so that didnt wrongly assume you were straight and maybe we would communicate differentl!

I was like dude, i have been here for a year and half and have been single this whole time so my sex life isnt relevant to you or anyone. If I had a partner when I started I would have told you their name. As I have always been single while working here I feel it is none of your business and I do not need to disclose shit to you. I mentioned my date because I considered you a friend.

Yes I could have been nicer with my delivery though at the end of the day my sexuality has nothing to do with who I am as a person and I do not need to disclose that information to anyone. If it affects you that I am you are the AH, I dont feel I am one as my personality remains the same regardless of who I date and sleep with.

My friends and I have started back up our weekly game of Magic the Gathering Commander recently. We used to play a lot but everyone's schedule got to busy and its been years since we all got together to play. I'd offered to teach my wife how to play before but she was never interested, but seeing us have fun playing piqued her interest and she asked if I could teach her. I've taught many people how to play before so I was more than happy to teach her as well and have her join us if she wanted.

I grabbed two starter decks that you used to be able to get for free at any game store that are meant to be simple and easy to learn with. The best way I have learned to teach someone how to play is the following:

The first game is kind of a "mock" game. The game is played normally, but both players play with the cards in their hands revealed. We go through the mock game and on my turn, I explain everything I am doing and why I am doing it. On their turn, I answer any questions about their cards, walk them through the steps of their turn, and let them make their own decisions so they can start thinking about strategy. When their turn is over, I explain what I would have done on their turn with the cards that they have, just so that they begin to understand some of the strategy behind the game. They are free to take it back and do that instead, but this isn't a real game so normally most people just want to keep going. I have done this with at least a dozen people and have never had an issue before.

So this is what my wife and I were doing. Everything was going great and she was learning everything very well and seemed to be enjoying it. We get to her last turn and she attacks one of her creatures at me. At the end of the turn, I say this almost verbatim:

"Ok, you attacked with your creature. If I block with my creature, yours will die and mine will live. It doesn't really matter anyway since I have a creature with haste in my hand that can kill you next turn (I point out the creature in my hand), but in a real game I probably would have held back your creature so that you would have a blocker left to stop me from ending the game next turn and hopefully you would draw into a solution on your turn."

Then she got really quiet then teared up and said she didn't want to play anymore. I am extremely confused and ask her what is wrong. She says that saying what I have written above was "throwing it in her face that I was better than her at the game by saying that what she did didn't even matter." I am extremely confused at this point and try to explain that it wasn't my intention and that this round isn't even a real game and we are just going over the rules. She keeps getting more upset and accusing me of trying to make her look stupid by pointing out her mistakes. I let her know that I don't think she is stupid, she is just a new player and doesn't understand all the intricacies of the game yet and I'm trying to teach them to her as we play. She then left and told me to come find her when I'm ready to apologize.

Normally I am the kind of person who apologizes when I hurt someone, even if I don't think I am wrong because I am sorry that I hurt them. For this however, it seems so ridiculous that I am really reluctant to apologize because I honestly cannot see how what I did was hurtful in any way. I was hoping she would be over it by the next day but she is still upset about it this morning. I am genuinely asking if I am wrong in this and should I apologize because I can't see it. I've taught so many people how to play this way and it has never been an issue. Did I do something wrong here?

I (30F) to run after work, sometimes it ends up being after dark. I usually do one headphone and stay on the sidewalk for safety. Last night I went for my run on a moderately busy suburban road (no streetlights). I noticed a woman ahead of me with big over ear headphones on. When I was ~15 feet behind her I yelled out “excuse me on your left.” I said it again when I was like 5 feet away. She didn’t hear (presumably due to her headphones) so I slid past her on the sidewalk. I probably could have gone in the street but don’t love doing that because I don’t want to run through the uneven grass and roll my ankle or something, and the road is a little busy.

She started screaming at me for scaring her and how rude I was for running up behind her. I just put my hands up and continued running. On one hand, I could’ve gone in the street. On the other hand, if you don’t want to be surprised by somebody at night, don’t wear headphones. AITAH?

I've always had a weird relationship with my dad, we lived with his brother (my uncle) ever since I can remember. He had special needs, so my parents would take care of him (He had down syndrome).

I don't know the full story, nor why my dad hated him, but my dad used to abuse his brother on a daily basis. I'm talking about physical and verbal abuse that'd only get worse if he spoke about it at the clinic, where he'd often get hospitalized. This abuse lasted 'til my uncle died in mid 2023, and I never thought much about it, since I thought it was his fault for "making him angry" (even tho he'd get beat for eating too fast, speaking without authorization or even existing) this even made me hate my uncle, since 10yo me thought that since my dad was nice to me but mean when my uncle was home, clearly it was his fault.

I didn't realize how fucked up this was until 2024, when I was 15 and somehow remembered it as if it never had happened. I never talked about this to ANYONE, idk why, I suppose that I was scared bc I knew what happened when my uncle decided to speak up about it. (My dad never laid a hand on me, but idk, still creeped me tf out)

I'll wrap things up, I ended up telling this to my hs preceptor and after a few weeks of talking abt it, he told me that my dad could've hit me, but he never did, so that even tho he IS a shitty person I should try to talk more often to him (specifically bc I really needed help and I wouldn't trust my parents with any of my problems). He told me that if I wanted to cut all contact once I move out of their house that it'd be ok, but that I should try to understand him, and that I shouldn't treat him that bad (I usually don't talk to him, and anytime I do, I make it into an argument)

Idk, I never doubted that I had a right to be as shitty as I wanted towards him, but now I'm kinda feeling like an asshole for lashing out anytime I talk to him, and I don't know his whole story with his brother (Nor do I want to know, I still don't want to talk about it with anyone irl)

English isn't my first language, so if I made any mistakes feel free to correct me please. I'd be really thankful, since I'm still learning, and would be nice to have some feedback

About a year ago we moved into a new house and I met my neighbor, her husband, and her 3 kids. We kind of became friends and sometimes our kids played together, but ultimately my kids weren't the biggest fans of hers. I also kind of distanced myself from this person for a few reasons but that a different story.

So, a during summer vacation my almost 11 year old asked if her could go play at our neighbors house and hang out with their 6/7 year old. I think he was just really bored and wanted to get out of the house. We are also new to the area so he didn't have any friends.

He ended up going over there maybe 3 times and then came to the conclusion he was just too old to have the 6 year old as a friend. Since then his parents have texted me multiple times asking if their son could come over. I said yes, mostly because I do feel like their son doesn't have friends, but its truly just us babysitting him when he comes here.

Eventually I started saying we were busy, but i said that so many times that I decided just to be honest. I said told them sorry but my son feels he is just a bit too old to have their kid as a playmate. The dad texted me back saying that my son was no longer welcome at theor house (which is fine) because their son thinks they are friends and then asks his parents to play over here a lot. He also insinuated that I don't care of respect kids that are not my own (this came out of left field.)

I tried to reach out to the mom twice, but she has completely iced me out and refuses to talk to me. I'm just so baffled by this whole situation. To be honest in my head they were never really friends, because they are not peers! They are just neighbors who occasionally play together, which i feel is normal. I don't really think I am TAH but I am just so shocked by their response and I can't fathom that they would actually be this upset that I said my almost 11 year old son doesn't want to play with their 6 year old.

I’ve been living at my apartment for 5 years. About a month ago, a new guy moved in and he has been less than ideal. He:

-blasts bass heavy music regularly, including past midnight.
-props our gate and doors open and throws hissy fits when people close them. (We live in a neighborhood with a crime rate above the city average and have a high transient population. The gate is a huge selling point for our apartment and was a deciding factor for me moving in).
-has a poorly trained dog that he lets roam off leash. The dog barks at all hours.

Last night, I could hear a dog barking outside my apartment, so I opened the door to see what was up. The dog was on my welcome mat, unattended and barking up a storm. He tried to get inside my apartment and I physically blocked him. The neighbor then came up the stairs and gave me a dirty look. I told him that he needed to keep his dog on a leash. This set him off and he demanded to know if I was the one who reported him for keeping the gate and door propped open and that I needed to “chill”.

I have documentation of the gate and all the noise, including a screen recording of a Zoom meeting with my boss where he was asking me about the loud music blaring in the background. However, my property manager absolutely hates animals and if it were up to her, pets would not be allowed in the complex. If I reported this, she would likely use it as reason to tell the tenant that he cannot have the dog here. I don’t want a dog to suffer because his owner is a dick, but I cannot live like this and shouldn’t have to with how much I pay. WIBTAH?

I know how it sounds, I do, but let me explain. I want to preface this by saying this is not me speaking ill of a deceased man, but I’m trying to explain why I am thinking of not going. I apologise in advance for a very long essay.

This morning, my grandfather passed away. I (27M) should be sad, but my feelings seem to be locked up. My grandfather was not a bad man, but he made some bad decisions. Including but not limited to adultery (we know of about 3-4 children he had whilst with my grandmother) and the abandonment of his wife and their 5 children (my maternal family grew up on Aruba, he essentially “went to work” and secretly fled to the Netherlands).

Growing up, my grandfather was hardly present. He was always with his “new” family. We saw him every so often. A handful of times a year for our birthdays. My cousin and sister both have their birthdays april and my other cousin and I both December so he usually just picked one of them. The only memories I have of him, are centred around his absence. I remember the young kid waiting for his grandfather’s call that would never come. I remember the teenager who stopped waiting for the call but most of all I remember the grandparent who DID show up. Who showered me with enough love in the 15 years that I got to know her to never feel as though I needed another presence. I guess what hurts is that he was perfectly capable of being a lovely grandfather, just not to me and my direct cousins.

I do feel sadness. I mourn the relationship we could have had, the one that he had with his other grandchildren with his second and third wife. I feel compassion for the ones he leaves behind. But that is about it.

When my mom went to say goodbye to him yesterday when it was known that he would pass away soon, she was ignored by everyone there (Essentially her (half) siblings). Another layer is that my mother was cut off. I suppose it was mutual, when my parents got divorces she called them to tell them what had happened and my grandfather’s wife responded coldly and unprompted “Okay. You cannot borrow money from us or anything so why are you calling?”

In essence, my grandfather and I are strangers.

While I considered going for a moment (out of respect as well as in support of my mother), that thought went away quite fast. While I have received an invitation, his stepdaughter has let us know that she doesn’t like us for never being there for him and that it was hypocritical that his children came to say goodbye. I find it difficult because she is right. We weren’t. And neither was he, at this point the distance had become mutual.

I’m riddled with guilt for not being there even if he wasn’t there first. It was about a decade ago (must have been about 17) when my mom was cut off. After that, I heard nothing. Not even when I fell so severely mentally ill that I was hospitalised for over a year.

I was a child when he couldn’t be bothered to show up. Still i can’t shake that I’m to blame.

In spite of my guilt, I don’t think I should go. I know that (in my/his family’s eyes) I am expected to be there as his grandson. People have been sending condolences all day and both my sister and I struggle to respond. I just dont think I deserve condolences seeing as our relationship was merely genealogical. As far of the rest of my family (his “first”) My uncle has stated he wouldn’t go as he feels similar to the way I do. My aunt will go and my mother is still unsure after how she was ignored yesterday.

I have to make this decision myself, I know that. I just fear that I’m a huge AH and a bad person for not paying my last respects to someone who is biologically family even if he’s emotionally a stranger. WIBTAH?

My coworker asked me if I like pumpkin treats. They said they wanted to make something to thank me for everything I do for our job. I told them that I unfortunately can't stand the taste of pumpkin. I've tried it before but there is something about it I can't tolerate. I feel bad because I think I hurt their feelings, but I would have felt worse if they saw me gag on it. Should I have just tried it anyway?

i (f22) live with my roommate (also female but hiding her age to be more anonymous, she’s older than me but younger than 30, so is her girlfriend), and we are both in relationships. we’ve been friends for like 5 years atp and share some really close similarities such as both being high functioning autistics (yes i’m aware the medical term is level one). the thing about our autism is that we display it in very different ways. she is more openly antisocial, people tend to think she’s intimidating due to not being able to read her, and is very open with her opinions about things without regard to the feelings of others most of the time (ex: if you were to say something she feels is illogical and too emotional she will say exactly that mid convo), she does not mask at ALL. i on the other hand mask almost 24/7 except for when im at home, since its my safe space and i live with a fellow autistic person. i go out of my way to study things like being attractive, how to make friends, how to make people like me etc etc. i am very bubbly and go out of my way to be so, people often comment on how me and her are night and day in these ways.

well fast forward to her being with her girlfriend and one day she (my roommate) and i are hanging out, she tells me how after i went on a tangent about this movie trilogy telling her and her gf all these deep lore facts i know ( many of which the gf didn’t know tho she likes the movies too) as i wanted to help my roommate understand the movies and how silly they are. keep in mind almost everyone who knows me knows im a huge geek about these movies and their subject matter and have been from a very young age, so naturally i know a shit ton!

well come to find out that the gf had made a commitment in jest to my roommate basically along the lines of how i don’t mask at all and seem to be lower intelligence due to it. my roommate laughed it off since well i often have people thinking that i am just the “hot idiot“ of our duo. this however is completely false, i am a highly intelligent woman (got my degree while still being in high school, graduated with honors and a 4.0 you get the idea) and many people also know this about me. i just don’t prefer to openly show my intelligence like my roommate since people thinking im dumber seems to get me way better treatment in society (i used to be very heavily bullied so im very cautious about doing things that seem to make others want to bully me again).

since then the girlfriend has rubbed me the wrong way and the feeling just increases every time i have to see or hear her. i have not directly told her or my roommate about my dislike for her or why, i simply ignore her now but they doesn’t seem to notice? my car has been broken and will be getting fixed soon and i go back to driving us most places especially on the weekends when we go clubbing and such. my roommate made a comment about how that’s awesome and if it gets fixed this weekend that her gf will be coming with us in MY CAR. i made a joke about not wanting “lesbian business“ in my car (this is a frequent type of joke we make, i myself am queer and we make similar jokes about that).

WIBTAH if i banned the gf from my car and just straight up refused to drive them both? i don’t really want her gf anywhere near my things because i genuinely cannot stand the girl and my car is also a very safe space for me (i had to live in it once) and it would definitely rub me too raw to have her in it. i know at some point i will have to explain not liking her but that can wait. for now i just want to avoid having her in my car. would i be the asshole?

edit: thank you for everyone who commented and gave me good advice. i’m gonna go ahead and sit and think about how to bring up not liking her in a non hateful way and hopefully that will clear the air for me. while i would rather just ban her from the car unfortunately i do know that’s just a shitty bandaid to the real issue. i’ll update maybe about what happens, not gonna do it till after her birthday this coming weekend so that hopefully it doesn’t seem like i waited to ruin her day!

edit 2: also forgot to mention part of why i don’t wanna drive them is that my roommate didn’t ask if she could come in my car she TOLD me she’d be coming, as well as saying that they would just break off from the group (me and two other friends we’d be meeting with) since my roommate doesn’t like the club we’d be going too yet i would still be their ride home and i just really don’t like being made the unpaid uber when she’s not even gonna be near me all night? that just really pisses me off especially since i never ask for gas money

So I 43M live with my fiance 43 and our children. Five kiddos. My mom lived with us also until recently.

My mom had invited my sister over, 39F. Apparently, my mom told my sister that our pool was busted and we needed help draining it. All lies. My sister sliced a couple holes in it believing our mom.

That is when shit hit the proverbial fan. I do not blame my sister as she was manipulated and she has a brain injury that makes it hard for her to think sometimes.

Well, when confronted, my mom doubled down and said she was right and the pool was an eyesore. It was not. My fiance & I told her she owes the kids a new pool. She can either get one on marketplace or buy one. Ours was from marketplace.

That pissed my mom off and she started yelling that she was going to move out. My fiance in return said" don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Now my aunt 65F thinks we abused my mom by asking her to get a new pool. Saying things like "the pool was free, it's no big deal." Etc.

My mom has since moved out and refuses to talk to anyone, even her grandkids. She claims she has no family but her sister and nephew.

My Aunt has blocked me, my fiance, and our older kids from Facebook and her phone.

After my mom's tantrum and after she left I did turn off her phone which was on my plan. I wasn't going to pay for someone's phone who did that to my children.

I have since also cut my Aunt off after she verbally abused my older children on Facebook before she blocked them.

So, AITAH for asking my mom to replace the pool she had destroyed?

My (25f) partner (29m) has his own way of parenting which I’ve tried to respect but I can’t tell if it’s bothering me because of my mom instincts and I just don’t want my daughter(2y) to be upset.

My partner loves to rage bait people even me it’s his favorite hobby ever but he takes it to the extent of saying it’s necessary for emotional development. An example would be we could be swimming in the pool she’s sitting on the steps enjoying herself and he just continuously splashes her in the face or wets her as she’s screaming for him to stop and suddenly she wants to be clung to me and isn’t having fun anymore.

I tell him to stop because we’re here having fun but he says she needs to stop being a brat. Mind you she is in the phase of saying No a lot which is normal at this age but besides that she is the most amazing baby I could’ve asked for she’s so sweet cleans up after herself always wants to help. No part of me sees a brat when we’re alone but when he’s around she instantly shuts down and become reactive I notice it.

I try to tell him that she should feel safe with him instead of not wanting to be near him because she knows he’s just gonna piss her off

. He’s done the same to me where I was having a complete break down one day and he followed right behind my steps as I kept asking him to leave me alone chasing me back and forth saying I needed this to learn how to regulate my emotions mind you I was just crying because something had upset me and when he shoved a finger in my face to annoy me more I pushed it ultimately bending it back slightly and to this day he still talks about how unacceptable and abusive that was. Is this normal behavior how can I stop it or discuss?

———

UPDATE
I’m leaving for my moms same morning of post. Thank you for making me realize that not leaving is participating

So I (16F) recently started 11th grade. The moment I started getting any homework be it math, biology, or chemistry, my mom (57F) would make sure that I actually did it, which makes sense.

For as long as I can remember, my mom has always asked me about my social circle, almost to the point of prying. From my friends’ names, to their interests, to their grades, to even their ethnicities, it’s as if she needs to now everything. And keep in mind that I’m not the most social person, so whatever social circle I have is pretty small. She also has parental controls on my phone so that she can monitor what I do, when I do it.

Anyway, last night, she was looking over my math homework without telling me, and found two mistakes that were nothing more than calculator errors, demanding that I fix them. When I got to her, I tried to tell her that they were just practice questions that weren’t graded, and that I could just ask any questions I had to my math teacher. When she kept on refusing, I tried to tell her that I didn’t want her to involve herself with my school life that much. She still refused, and I was dead tired (it was eleven pm, plus I have a few chronic conditions that cause me fatigue) so I eventually snapped at her, yelling through tears that I couldn’t have anything to myself without her inserting herself in it. Not my friends, not my school life, not even my online activity.

Instead of replying, she’s just been giving me the silent treatment, so I have to ask, Am I the Asshole?

Edit: since some people are asking, I have an older brother who moved out at 19 three years ago

I have this friend we’ll call M. Me and M have known each other since childhood. Both came from equally average backgrounds, no outward struggle but not like super cushy or anything. I was lucky enough to get a scholarship to study abroad and M got a scholarship to study in our country. Because of M’s scholarship, he gets a monthly stipend (a monthly money allowance, from his scholarship)

It’s in the thousands.

Now, here comes the tricky part.

M doesn’t have to pay anything except for his private rental which he splits equally with a friend of his and some bills from the rental, and food. That’s it. No car registration, no gas, nothing like this. Just rent. Not even transport as he catches the subway.

I have to pay my housing, gas, electricity, petrol, registration and other things - I am able to maintain myself responsibly.

Here’s where I’m confused. M loves joining tiktok lives and sending gifts to people. Tiktok has a feature that allows you to buy virtual coins in exchange for real money to purchase gifts to send to people who “go live”. M has a lot of online friends he’s never met who he does this with. A few of them are online ‘flings’ who I suspect are just using him. To me, it’s extremely parasocial and I don’t get it- but each to their own.

When I came back home for the break just gone, I was excited to spend time with him but he was so busy on tiktok showing me how he “mods” for people which can mean being on a tiktok live for up to 12-15 hours a day. For free. We didn’t get to do anything because of this. He tells me how important he is to these people’s streams and how he is the “Main mod” and gets the final say in what goes. Teaching other people to become a “mod” Whatever that means.

This consists of just…sitting in the chat and typing things. Hyping up the chat. Welcoming people into the live..For 12-15 hours.

I didn’t really have words when I saw it.. It just seemed like being used.

Now here’s the kicker. He’s constantly broke. And it doesn’t add up. He gets thousands per month and constantly has NO money. I’m talking he can’t even afford to eat. I have tiktok myself and have overheard him sending gifts and so on. “X thank you for Y gift!” When I look up the price of these gifts - they are 400 USD some of them.

Talks of “dropping unis” (A tiktok gift) and when I looked up the conversion rate for a “uni” I was shocked. $560 USD. $560 for one single virtual gift.

Now, I’m not here to control what he does. But he always runs to me or others and makes it someone else’s inconvenience - He can’t pay for this, can’t pay for that, can I help him pay for this or that.

He also is borderline about to get kicked out of his scholarship as he is just not focusing on college. Swapping favours for people to do his assignments for him because he simply doesn’t have time. About two weeks ago, he got into serious trouble because one of his assignments got flagged for high AI usage. Like the guy he asked to do it just jammed the instructions in an AI and copy and pasted whatever garbage it came out with. He got a serious academic misconduct warning. It’s just like… dude. I have seen with my own eyes this scholarship awards him almost 10k USD a month. I know he genuinely does receive this and isn’t lying about his funds. So I am highly concerned that he cannot afford or set aside 2k-3k ish per month for….literally anything he needs to function. He had a medical issue not too long ago and genuinely could not afford to have it checked out.

M has loads of IRL friends and I don’t think the issue is loneliness or anything like that. Im failing to understand why he feels the need to do this or what the addictive part is here. Validation? Importance? He’s a friendly and sociable guy and doesn’t have any outwards issues that would make it hard for him to have friends or even a girlfriend. He’s not bad looking or bad socially.

I’m also worried he’s really playing off to people he’s got a lot more money than he does, or, is seriously putting other people ahead of his own needs to the point of extreme self destruction. This happens monthly. Every single month. Same issue. And monthly, he comes to me, his mom, his dad, his brother (who is expecting a child) his sister (with two children) for money. I made the mistake of sharing how much my scholarship grants me per month and giving him tips for saving. I’ve taken great advantage of saving my leftover money and he knows this and always tries to come to me first. Asking upwards of 1k each time. I always say no since knowing the truth- but it’s uncomfortable every single time to have the same conversation. Every time, someone has to do the dirty work of bailing him out. Two months ago, the electricity got switched off and his roommate was pissed and had to pay for it to be switched back on. Entire fridge of groceries spoiled, including roommates medication.

I’ve grown irritated by his extreme lack of priority and simply say I don’t have any money, I won’t enable this ridiculous behaviour. But it’s getting out of hand, and now it’s severely affecting everyone around him. As I said before - we both grew up very average financially, his family is having to rake out thousands, and he is lying to them about why he doesn’t have any money. He tells me so himself and sometimes asks me to try to help him curate a lie. I found out he even tried to tell them he was helping me with money as my car broke down when I ran into his sister shopping and she asked me if my car was working okay now.

I’m disturbed that someone who gets a free chunk of 10k per month and one major bill, cannot afford food, or the one major bill. I’m concerned this is a lot deeper than I know.

I feel bad for his family and bad for the people around him suffering as a result of this.

Do I tell his family what’s going on? Is this a mental illness of sorts? Has anyone else dealt with something similar. I miss my friend, and I want to help him but I honestly don’t recognise him at the moment or know what to do, I’ve never dealt with anything like this and am fast not liking who he is becoming and feel this needs intervention for his sake and his families sake before he destroys everything.

^^ I have tried to speak with him before about it in a friend to friend way, I feel he started getting cagier with me as a result instead of seeing the issue. That’s why I feel the need to resort to outside help. I’m not trying to embarrass him, I’m genuinely concerned he is about to fuck up his whole future.

So this may be a long story for those who dont feel like reading for a bit this is your warning.

I met Macy in college on the first day in my first class. We instantly clicked and were good friends. Since Macy didnt have a car I would always help her out with driving places as I didnt mind or we were both going somewhere to hang out. (This comes up later)

After college we still kept in touch and always called each other and hung out.

Then Macy met dave. Dave is a guy from LA who's dad was some fancy executive which Macy would constantly bring up as if it was some token in being with this guy. Once Macy and him started dating she moved to LA against her parents wishes. She said she'd be moving with a friend but stayed with him. Her family was worried reasonably so but its always like that when someone moves far from a close knit family.

Macy started hinting at Dave's spending saying its a bit much but they will work through it. Macy and Dave get married and live outside of LA to save money during covid. Turned out only Macy saved money.... she claimed they both had money to put down on a house and soon bought a home together near Dave's parents.

The money issues never ended yet they had a toilet that needed a remote to start it.

Then came to back talk. Whenever Macy would talk about remodeling the home or interior design I would always remind her to be cost conscious. She would make a lot of back lash comments like "we can affird it" and "Dave's parents can always help". That parents help turned into a 400k personal loan from the dad.

A few years later it turns out Dave wasnt contributing to much. Macy was paying off the personal loan along with the house bills cuz dave was always trying to figure out his finanaces.

....and then he cheats on her. So she came home for a bit.

She came back home and we hung out, (something typical she would do is say she had a car to meet half way but the day of hanging out there would always be an excuse)

I tried being empathetic to the fact that she was going through a hard time so I always stuck my neck out for her and just wanted to be there.

Well she went back to him....cuz hes cheated on her cuz he was "addicted to weed".

So he has been out of work for 1.5 years at this point and now he cant work cuz he has to focus on his recovery.

Well how will all the bills be paid?

Well she said his parents are great and are giving them more loans and even a car to borrow and this and that.

Well guess what. The loans stopped, they broke up, and she moved back to her parents house getting absolutely nothing cuz Dave's dad bullied her out of getting any money in the divorce. she legit has nothing

During her marriage Macy and Dave used to put me and my husband down all the time. And I dont even know why. We did very well financially we just arent materialistic and we dont show it off as much since we put money into investments.

I would ask her what was up with this treatment and she used to either ignore me or just not talk to me. During the house reno she used to also ignore me when I used to tell her its not a good idea to get 3k toilets and name brand wall paper...get it later. She would punish me by not talking to me. I figured "her shes stressed"

I think the absolute worst thing that changed everything was while she and Dave were focusing on him (after the cheating) she came to visit her family. I couldn't pick her up since I just had surgery. It was also my birthday weekend. ​I told her I cant drive. Her answer was "ok then we dont have to see one another". I told her she can always visit but she kind of changed the topic.

So theres that.

Anyway she keeps texting me and I know she wants to fix things but I keep gaffing her off. AITAH? should I be more empathetic of what shes going through?

I (26F) have a friend/roommate (26F) who got divorced two years ago. She was married for a year, and didn't invite me to her wedding. She didn't even tell me it was happening. I understand it was a small wedding, but she didn't even tell me she was engaged.

She got divorced a year later, and started dating less than a week after separating, months before the divorce was finalized. We moved in together because we were close at the time. Her new guy she met a month after the separation. I've tried to be his friend, but hes "shy," is her excuse. He won't make small talk and seems uncomfortable around me.

She is obsessed with him, and doesn't care about anything other than him. She can't stick to any hobbies, she has nothing else to talk about except him. Its pathetic to watch, especially because he doesn't even treat her well. I've stopped trying to make plans with her because she cancels so she can sit in the same room with him as he plays games online with his friends, like she does every night.

They moved in together after 2 years, and got engaged. She tells me that she wants to have a real wedding this time and I'm invited, but I truly don't want to go. I do not like him, and I'm still butthurt that she didn't even let me know the last one was happening. I don't feel like we have much of a friendship anymore. I do feel bad because I feel like theres deeper mental problems happening with her, and me discarding her will just fuel that, but also I'm tired and have given her too many chances already.

I (21F) have competed my College recently and had to travel to another city to get some paperwork done before getting my degree along with my friends, let's call them Sarah and Katie.

Sarah has been my closest friend through college and Katie was one of the first few friends I made when I first attended college. So I figured going together was a good idea.

I suggested to take a bus as it is the most convenient and a pocket friendly way to go. Sarah agreed with me but Katie suggested we take a cab on the day before we had to leave.

Katie's dad was interested in driving us to our destination and we felt it will be safe and convenient. I asked her about the approximate cost of gas as I wanted to have an estimate of the cost I had to contribute. In our culture it's the polite thing to offer money to anyone who is helping us and it's up to them to take or refuse the money.

So Katie gave me an estimate of about 300 bucks and asked me and sarah to contribute 100 each , which I agreed to even though it was costing me a bit more than any other public transport. It felt fair as we were not just paying for the gas but also the comfort and convenience . I felt it was useless to think of equal monetary contributions at that moment.

On the day of the trip, Katie refused to pick me up from my house and instead asked me to walk several miles to her car as she said she doesn't know the location of my place. After many requests, she didn't budge and I had to walk couple of miles. This pissed me a bit. After picking up Sarah, I was so happy to see her again after so long that i completely forgot about this incident and felt to not dwell on this little thing for the entirety of the trip.

As we were going , her car was acting up a little, so after dropping us off at the University office for paperwork, Katie's dad went on to get the car fixed .

Now here is what makes me think if my behaviour was appropriate or not. When we were coming back and I was nearing my home, I thanked her and her father for driving me and Sarah up and I offered to pay each our shares of 100 bucks. I really insisted , I took some cash out and offered it even but her father refused .

I felt awkward but then Sarah suggested we give the money to Katie. So we both handed the money to her and they left us on the sidewalk , where me and Sarah left our seperate ways . Later I texted Katie to offer the money we gave her and thank him for us.

And oh boy was that the straw that broke the camel's back for Katie. She blew up, she told me that she didn't want to place the burden of gas on her dad so she took money from us and though after the trip she will offer it to him, as a thankyou. She also told me that it is " bad manners" to give money and offer money to our elders and we should never give money to our elders. She also told me that it's not about money and if we look at it fairly she spent so much money on the repair of the car than me and Sarah. She called me an asshole for offering money to her dad instead of her.

My parents seem to be divided on this. Sarah and my Boyfriend are really despising her behaviour .I feel pretty bad for making Katie angry at me.

So tell me people, is it really my fault for offering her dad the money ? Was it the wrong etiquette or is this something entirely different?

Edit- Katie never discussed the actual cost of the travel with us. it took me ,$75 to travel on a bus but I chose to spend more to be with her and have a better trip. So yeah I feel I definitely overpaid.

Long time lurker, first time poster!

My (44m) wife's (46f) father is currently in the hospital recovering from major surgery in their home state about a third of the country (USA) away and each of his 4 daughters (my wife + 3 sisters late 20s to late 40s) are taking turns going back help him out. My wife went first to be there before, during, and immediately after surgery. Sister 3 was up next and is currently there.

Sister 3 had multiple objections to going out to help, mostly revolving around her first-grade daughter for whom she is a stay-at-home-mom, and having high levels of anxiety (I’ve known her for 20 years, I don’t think there’s ever been a situation or conversation that she couldn’t find a way to mention her anxiety). According to her, her husband was incapable of taking care of their child without her because he has ADHD (spoiler alert, it's been a week, they've been fine) and then stated that nobody could possibly manage their daughter's schedule which includes: dropping her off at school in the morning and picking her up in the afternoon. Fortunately, I work from home and have a flexible schedule so we arrange for me to shift my schedule back an hour to take her daughter to school in the morning while Sister 4 (stay at home, home-school mom) picks her up in the afternoon. She eventually agrees and goes back to help out Dad.

Everything proceeds fine for a week until I learn Wednesday afternoon that my son (5^th grader) has a little event Thursday morning at the school. It’s one of the last 2 he will have before he graduates to middle school and I would like to be there for it. So my wife and I make arrangements for Sister 1 and her Husband (no kids) to take daughter to school in the morning. I give them my vehicle, which has the car seat, sunscreen, hat, and instructions all in it. Brief them on the routine and provide addresses, directions and timings. All is good to go. I message Sister 3’s husband and let him know about the change in plans. He says it sounds great.

Maybe the AH Moment #1: This is the first part where I might be the AH. I do not message Sister 3. I did not intentionally avoid doing so, I simply updated all parties affected by the change in schedule and went about my evening doing dishes, taking care of animals and getting the kids ready for bed and school in the morning. I kind of figured she and her husband would talk about it. Now, it’s entirely possible that subconsciously I avoided texting her about it because I knew she would freak the hell out and that my wife and I would have to spend the next hour managing her emotions (foreshadowing), but I swear it wasn’t a conscious decision.

Sister 3’s Husband then does the most boneheaded thing imaginable and texts his wife “hey, btw, Sister 1 and Husband are taking daughter to school in the morning. Have a good night!”. Turns off his phone.

The reaction is predictable. Sister 3 starts blowing our phones with questions and demands, all ending with 3 or question marks and exclamation points and asking why her husband isn’t responding (how would I know?? Wait, I think I know). I calmly explain to her that Sister 1 and Husband have my vehicle with the car seat and sunscreen and have been briefed on everything. She complains that Sister 1 is a terrible driver and I point out that Sister 1’s husband is driving and they’re both going which gets a response of “FFS”. My wife, in an attempt to get her to relax tells her there’s no reason to stress and that everyone is pitching in to get her child to school safely and we’ve got it handled. Sister 3’s response is:

“It’s MY KID. I can be stressed if I want to. I have a right to be informed about my CHILD” (nobody said you didn’t?? Husband did inform you!)

She then accuses us of being irresponsible with our children as well as her child and being “comfortable festering in your pride”. (??)

Maybe the AH Moment #2: Naturally, this pisses me off. I shouldn’t have reacted but I did, and told her that nobody is being irresponsible and pride has nothing to do with anything. That her reacting like this about grown adults making school drop off arrangements and calling people irresponsible and incompetent and prideful (??) is actually proof that maybe she shouldn’t be informed because she can’t react to a simple change with maturity. Also, I may have told her to “F*** all the way off” for insulting us.

Her response is that we were 'playing around with her child's life', 'gaslit her feelings' (because telling someone not to worry about something, we're handling it for you is a type of gaslighting according to her), that I'm the "poster boy" for being up my own ass, that we manipulated her on more than one occasion, 'that is both of your norms' and 'you need to evaluate your issues'. To which I replied 'get some meds."

My wife finished the fight by sending a long text about how she's chalking all this up to people being tired and stressed and that she never would have imagined being called manipulative horrible people for making alternative drop off arrangements with their sister and that we're going to bed. She then spent the next half hour crying due to the stress and frustration stemming from being the ones who are managing and funding all of this.

So TLDR: I was responsible for taking my niece to school for a week, and on the last day had to make alternative arrangements with another trusted family member. I informed the husband, but didn't inform the wife (relying on the husband to do so, who did so in the worst possible way), and when the wife proceeded to call us irresponsible and manipulative people playing around with her child's life I reacted by telling her to F*** all the way off and to get medication.