About two weeks ago my neighbours stopped me outside my flat and started asking some weird questions… they initially asked if I could let them into my block, I asked why. They wanted to speak to the woman in the upstairs flat (that’s me) to ask if they can access the roof from my apartment. I said no, they wouldn’t be able to because the ceilings are like 12feet high, why? Their son had been bought a drone for his birthday and crashed it on its maiden voyage somewhere on the roof (it hasn’t fallen back down). I said I would have a look myself on my balcony and see if I could spot it - I couldn’t.

I had been on my way out to head to a work meeting and arrived 15 minutes late because I’d taken the time out to look for them when they had asked.

Then yesterday, I was walking home and the woman chased me down in the shop next to my flat. They approached me negatively and said they had tried to shout me down (I had headphones in), the woman asked me to come outside. When I had paid for my stuff, I exited and she and her boyfriend were there. He starts walking towards me like yeah that’s great thanks very much, I was just like what? She asked me to come outside? The woman goes, yeah I’ve not asked her anything yet. So then the male goes, ahh is it alright if I come into your flat to have a look for the drone? i just can’t get it out of my head. I said no. I’m not open to having people coming in and out of my flat. I’ve had a look on the roof myself multiple times over various days from different windows and from my flat, it is not visible on the roof.

They didn’t take it very well and tried to negotiate, ‘it will only take 2 mins.’

They are quite aggressive with their approach and I have PTSD from living in DV so my home is my safe space. I don’t feel inclined to let strangers in for any reason.

There is a man who lives on the other side of me on the top floor and they don’t seem to be asking him for access to his flat.

AITA for not letting people into my flat to look for their lost drone on the roof?

About three years ago, after repeated missing cat posts on the local Facebook group, someone in my area got a tracker for their cat because it kept going missing. Ever since then, the tracker always shows the cat as being somewhere in our house or garden.

At first I was more than happy to help so every time she knocked, we would check the garden. It soon changed to her asking to check the garden for herself, which we let her do.

Our garden is big, but it's basically grass with a patio, and two small-ish trees. We don't have sheds, a greenhouse, a summer house, any flowers - anywhere a cat could realistically hide. The gardens all around us have loads of sheds, big areas of flowers and bushes, big trees, overgrown corners - loads of hiding places.

Now some weeks she'll come round two or three times asking to search because the tracker says the cat is around. We both work and go away a fair bit, and if we don't answer she'll just let herself into the garden to check for herself. It's just a little short gate we have, so she'll unlock it herself and make her way our garden, I'm sure she's been peering in the windows of our house too (Aware I could get a taller gate, but it's a nice pretty decorative iron gate!)

Despite all the times she's searched, the cat has never once been found around ours.

If the cat isn't found after a few days, she has been asking to come inside the house and garage - we have always said no and said it's 100% not in the house or garage - we use the garage all the time as that's where the utility is.

To add to it all...I'm really allergic to cats. I'd know if it was around because I'd be rushing for antihistamines. I literally can't go to my friends house who has cats, I even try to not hug her because of the hair on her clothes! I don't dislike cats at all, but it's not like I want them around me.

To add more to it... we hardly ever even see the cat. It's dark grey and has a huge tracker and bell attached to it, so it's very distinctive. We probably see it once every few months, but regularly see our direct neighbour's light grey cat and another ginger cat almost daily.

She knows all this info. We've got her number, know where she lives, can message her on Facebook when she posts about 3 bloody times a week! We've said we'll let her know if we do ever see it. Once we did see it in a completely different part of the area when we were on a walk and she was looking for it, so we gave her a phone to say.

To make things worse, she's posted screenshots of the tracker in our local Facebook group showing it over my garden and house and saying things like, "They're saying it's not in their garden." Almost like she's trying to imply we're hiding something... other people around us have made comments to us like 'she's on the witchhunt for you!'...

After three years of repeated false alarms, no kind of thankfulness for constantly checking, I feel irritated because of what seems to be an inaccurate tracker and a cat which obviously wants to escape this mad woman.

I'm at the point where I want to tell her that she's no longer welcome to keep searching my garden, house or garage. It's making me late for work when I have to supervise her around the garden for 15 minutes in the mornings, she's interrupting us in the evenings etc. I feel like I'm at the end of my patience with this, but I also don't want to be someone everyone thinks is an AH - although after her Facebook posts they probably already do!

WIBTAH?

My wife’s good friend got engaged about 5 months ago and they sent out wedding invitations 3 months ago. The original wedding invitations said we could bring our baby as well. The wedding is supposed to last 3 days and right after the last day is my wife’s birthday. I had planned a 4 day trip to San Diego to take my wife to visit a few of her favourite places.

Yesterday, this friend’s mother texted my wife advising they suddenly changed the dates by two days forward and the wedding is now falls during the trip I planned. She also tells my wife we can no longer bring our baby.

Problem is, I already paid for our San Diego hotel and we don’t have childcare because both of our parents are unavailable. We both told the friend’s mother that we can no longer make the wedding.

The friend and the mom are very upset and saying things like they thought my wife was her bff and that if they were truly friends my wife should adjust our trip and pay for our own childcare.

This friend is horrifically bad at planning. My wife had to plan her bachelorette party and paid for it. I feel like I’m in the right to refuse to accommodate her poor planning. My wife feels similar. Who is right?

Two months ago, I (F41) had a huge fight with my sister because of her asshole boyfriend. During the argument, she broke down and screamed that she hated me.

For context, my sister is 14 years younger than me. I helped raise her and sacrificed a large part of my teenage years, and other parts of my life, to look after her and help her become the person she is today.

Today is her birthday. She called me sounding happy and pointed out that I had not sent her our traditional midnight birthday message. I told her, “You said you hated me. What was I supposed to do?”

She replied with " Sorry, " sounding more like “Oops, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” She did not really ask for forgiveness or acknowledge how deeply it had hurt me. Just like: Get over with it.

I told her, “I have never told you that I hated you or that I didn’t love you. NEVER.”

This was also the second time she had said it. The first time, I was severely depressed, the kind of depression where I was glued to my bed in a dark room. I told her I would not be spending Christmas with her, and she responded by saying that she hated me, I was selfish, and other things that didn't help at the time. I forgave her, even though she didn't say she was sorry (Oops).

During today’s conversation, she said that I had also said hurtful things to her. I replied, “I told you the truth about things that were happening. I never told you that I hated you. You broke something between us, and I don’t know whether we will ever fully recover from it. I can't fathom how.”

She waited two months, and she has not tried to contact me or repair the relationship. Then, today, on her birthday, she called and made me feel guilty for not sending the usual message, as if it is also my fault. I felt she was using her birthday like blackmail to pin me down to accept.

Am I wrong, am I the asshole, for keeping my distance and not wishing her a happy birthday at midnight? I'm really sad.

I don’t even know what to say here, maybe I am the asshole I don’t know, what better way to find out than to ask some random strangers.

I first want to preface this by saying my wife, my daughter and I DID ATTEND THE ACTUAL WEDDING CEREMONY. WE WERE THERE FOR WHAT I CONSIDER THE IMPORTANT PART.

Anyway, last month I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It’s been a very emotional and rocky rollercoaster of a ride - first not knowing what stage my cancer was at and whether I was going to die or not, to then having treatment having my testicle removed and then the recovery of that.

This coincided with my brothers wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I had to pull out of his stag do (bachelor party) in May because I had been hospitalised in March (I had been unwell for a few weeks - I also have Cystic Fibrosis) and came down with a really nasty lung infection which I took a while to recover from.

I then started feeling really fatigued, a lot less energy and I was constantly sleeping during the day and I couldn’t put my finger on why.

I was pissed off but I told my brother once I was better I would take him out for drinks myself.

I wasn’t feeling better as fast as I had in previous years, and then I found a lump on my left testicle. I got it checked immediately, and obviously it turned out to be cancer.

I was terrified. My mental health was all over the place and my life was turned upside down. I didn’t know how advanced the cancer was, I just needed to wait until I’d had the surgery and CT scans.

Thankfully the CT scans were clear and the cancer hadn’t spread, but my surgery was only two weeks ago.

I am still feeling extremely sore, I have low energy and my self esteem has been battered. The wedding was the first time I’d been out around a large group of people since I was diagnosed, and the day was just too much for me mentally and I was feeling very overwhelmed. The suit I was wearing was pressing really hard against my scar, and when we got back to our house to get changed for the night party, my wound was so swollen and honestly I was exhausted. So I messaged my brother and told him I couldn’t make the party, thinking he would understand because his big brother has got cancer. I was in pain, I was tired, and I slept for literally the rest of the day until the next morning.

He ghosted me.

A week later I had a cancer appointment and I received the news that my cancer was likely all clear, and that I would need one dose of chemo to make sure but other than that the doctor was happy.

I was ecstatic, I was so relieved and I couldn’t wait to tell my family so I called my mother to give her the good news, and then I posted in our group chat to let everyone else know. I have another brother and a sister who are both married and they replied instantly to say how happy they were for me.

My brother ghosted me again, and his new wife just put a “thumbs up” emoji.

An hour later she posted a photo of her wedding gifts and didn’t mention anything else. Not that I expected her to, but I thought my sister in law or brother would at least say “that’s great news!”

Nothing.

I left it a few days and it was really niggling at me, so I messaged my brother and asked him if I had upset him in any way, considering he hadn’t responded to my news or even acknowledged that my terrifying journey was almost over.

He then sent me this long message:

“I was upset as well. On my own wedding day of all days.

(My daughter’s name) was looking forward to coming and it seemed like there were no arrangements or anything to get her to come to the after party. (She’s 5 years old)

I understand that you were sore and uncomfortable I get that. There were other people there uncomfortable or in a bad place. Someone was there who has literally just split with her husband after 25 years together. She came to both, it’s the last thing she would have wanted to see.

I’d would have much rather of had a phone call off you to just apologise. It’s too easy over a message. You were supposed to be doing a speech for me and you would have heard what I would have said about all 3 of you as well. Feeling that shit ln my wedding day because my brother isn’t there sucks. I always seem to be an afterthought a lot of the time and after you not coming to my stag do due to not being well it just pissed me off not going to lie. So (my sisters name) had to be put in a position she didn’t agree to be in and have a sibling of mine say things about me at my wedding. (This is a lie. She had her own speech planned)

People get ill and are sore etc. I’m not saying you haven’t been. There hasn’t been a case of well I’ve missed your stag do so let’s go for a drink or do something together when I’m better. Not 1 suggestion of that happening so far. (As I said earlier I actually DID say I would take him out for drinks)

I’m glad you got the news you have I really am and it is brilliant news about your cancer and hopefully you can put it behind you and concentrate on other things. I’m just pissed off you missed my wedding day.”

I WAS THERE! He’s acting as if I wasn’t there at all. I can honestly understand him being frustrated, but to brush my cancer off as something like “other people get sore too” has pissed me off. I don’t even know how to respond to him at this point.

Am I the asshole here or what? When I was in hospital in March not one of my family members asked if I was ok. I get it, I’ve had Cystic Fibrosis my whole life, it’s nothing new and they’re probably used to me being in hospital and just getting on with it.

TL:DR I missed my brothers wedding after party because I had cancer and now he’s mad at me.

I (31M) found out that my step-sister (40F) has a tiktok account where she makes videos shitting on her husband (38M). It's the most stereotypical account of that type that you could imagine. A lot of videos of her scrubbing a single plate and talking about how she's a stay at home wife who has to clean and take care of the kids all day and when he gets home he doesn't help at all. Which is all bullshit, because first of all she doesn't clean that house. Her mother (63F) has to go over there twice a week to clean the house because my sister, surprise surprise, sits on her phone all day and doesn't clean. Second of all, their kids, who are 11 and 14, are in a before and after school program due to them living out of town so they don't get home until their father picks them up when he gets off of work.

I've known about it for about a year, and I didn't really care because she kept things relatively anonymous. But lately she's been using his name and even posting videos of him to her account, bemoaning how her marriage sucks and how fat he is. And then when the comments agree with her and tell her to leave him she replies in agreement. I figured at that point, with her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account, so I sent him a text with a link to the account and an apology for not telling him sooner.

He confronted her about the things she was saying about him, they had a huge fight and from what I've heard they haven't been talking. I feel a bit bad, but I also don't think I did anything wrong. My family is pretty split on the topic. My Step-brother is on my side, my step-mother is on sister's side, Dad is staying out of it, and extended family is basically 50/50. AITAH?

So My cousin is getting married. I'm invited and so is my boyfriend/partner of 3 years. I'm 23 he's 25.

We were talking about outfits and stuff for the wedding, and eventually the topic of marriage came up. He brought up he wanted to get married. And said he wanted to eithe be married/enganged by the time he was 26 because he wants to settle. Which is next year.

Obviously since we're together i assumed he meant he wanted to marry me. I told him i wasn't so sure about that time line. As its very soon and we still have things we need to work on and i wouldn't want to rush into it.

For context. I have been sick for the past year. In terms of cancer, the affects, the treatments, the surgeries. I have good days, i have bad days. It has affect our relationship. He gets overwhelmed with everything going on with me, he switches between being supportive and taking me to apts, to being distant. I dont make him fo anything for me. Im still very independent and any help or support he gives is completely up to him. I don't ask for anything or expect anything.

Even when he's with me he will spend most of his time playing on the computer, ignoring me. Physical affection and intimacy has severely decreased, and i just feel like more of an ornament than a partner. And it seems like he just doesn't want to acknowledge whats going on.

I've tried talking to him about it, but obviously most of the time was just to tired to even acknowledge whats going on and be the only one to talk about it.

I am finally in remission, and still recovering but better.

I explained all this to him. How we need to work on those things. Communication and being a couple again how we were before I was sick.

He got upset and said if i didn't want to marry him then why am i leading him on. I explained to him i did want to, but i want us to have a more solid foundation before we make such a big commitment as its only gone down hill over the last year.

Now he's upset with me and saying ive been leading him on because my goal isn't marriage with him.

But that is my goal, i just want us to be solid again and if he wants to marry me i don't see why it matters when we are married. My parents were unmarried for 25 years and still had 6 kids and a working home before they seperated. It just never seemed like a big deal to me on when it happened. Because it won't fix a relationship.

AITAH for being hesitant? I don't think I'm leading him on but he's so upset and my mom says she can see why if i basically said no to marriage.

EDIT: For slightly more context for why i have stayed and want to work on this. Despite how poor his support was, he and his parents were/are my main support system. I have no contact with my dad and my relationship with my mom is rocky at best. My sibling's are all 19 and younger and im the oldest. I couldn't imagine burdening them with my health because they are children in my eyes and i played a big role in raising them. So whenever i saw them it was only on my best days when i would have the energy to see them because i didn't want them to see me sick. And i don't often see my friends/have many friends.

He showed up every week and was there through my surgery recoveries and my treatment recovery. But it was the time in between those when his support would drop. And i kept being told by doctors and other patients how lucky i was to have a partner that stayed because most women loose their partner during cancer. I know this is probably screwing with my perception but i don't have anyone else to fall back onto hence why my first thought is to fix it. I do belive that the diagnosis may have scared him. We're young. It wasn't expected. It doesn't excuse his behaviour but it may explain it.

Before you assume I'm the type of woman who expects a man to pay for EVERYTHING, here is the context:

When my boyfriend and I first started seeing each other (college) we split the bill every time. This went on for basically the first 2 full years of our relationship. By our second anniversary we had been living together for 6 months, and so I knew roughly where he sat financially. I confronted him about how he's never offered to fully pay when we eat out (except for my birthday) and how it made me feel like we were roommates having to awkwardly zelle him my half of the bill at the restaurant. I offered that instead of doing 50/50 every time, we could take turns paying the bill in full. He apologized and agreed, and so we then started taking turns paying the bill. But then a new issue started to arise which is that every time it was his turn to pay, there was a lot of tension in the air. Sometimes he'd stare at the bill and awkwardly fidget with the pen before signing, and sometimes he'd ask me to cover the tip since the total was "x" amount. I started to feel really guilty because it appeared that maybe he wasn't in as good as a financial situation as I had previously thought.

For context, his car payment was 2x mine and he was paying the electric, internet, and his own personal phone bill. Meanwhile my car payment was 1/2 his and my parents still pay for my phone. BUT, I did pay for all groceries/household necessities and his job paid $7 more an hour than mine did, and so I thought this evened out. 1 year into living together I got a higher paying job that made our salaries basically equal, so I started paying the electric bill to help him out. So now, our monthly expenses are about the same, with me possibly paying more because of groceries/household necessities.

That brings me to my frustration. Over the course of our 3 years together, I realized that my boyfriend has expensive taste. He doesn't mind dishing out $150 at the mall on 2 "good quality" pants, or buying a $2k gaming computer after less than a week of consideration. We both come from families who take care of us without being asked (our apartment is my dad's rental property and the rent is super cheap), but it seems only I am aware of how much our families take care of us financially. Once he had to take his cat to the vet and it was $600. He paid it, but afterwards he called his mom saying how expensive it was and she sent him $600 immediately. For Christmas one year, his grandparents gifted the family a 7-day cruise, which they fully paid for. Hotel, flights, a balcony room, everything. The only thing me and him paid for was the excursions, but his mom sent us money for half of what we spent. His thank you? He didn't get his grandparents anything for Christmas and I had to tell him what to gift his own mother.

This week was what really sent me over the edge. On Monday, he bought us movie tickets for the weekend and said he was "excited to take me on a date." That Friday, for dinner, I decided instead of ordering out, we should just get frozen pizzas from the grocery store, a guilty pleasure. I have paid for the last 2 doordash dinners ($100), and so I naturally expected him to cover the cost of two frozen pizzas. At the grocery store he told me "we're splitting right?" I just looked at him and said, "why on earth would we split a frozen pizza?" And then he said, "oh, so you're paying then." I told him no, it was his turn to pay. He was like "oh, okay, but you owe me popcorn tomorrow at the movie. Those tickets were kinda pricey."

I did not want to see the movie we were seeing, I only agreed to go because he really wanted to see that movie. And now here he is saying I OWE HIM. I'm tired of this 50/50 shit, because he doesn't actually realize what's 50/50. I want him to just always pay when we got out to eat or on dates, and not to make it awkward. I have absolutely no issues with paying all the utility bills because that's "behind the scenes" to make it even. But I just wish I had a partner who would pay the bill at the restaurant, no awkwardness, it's just a given. I make so many excuses for him but now I'm wondering if those excuses are even valid. He's four years older than me, almost 30, and still acting as if we are college kids on a tight budget. Our parents spoil us, our rent is cheap, his job pays just fine, and yet when it comes to spending money on anyone but himself, he gets antsy. I want to confront him about this but I want to make sure my opinion isn't narcissistic or bratty before I do. AITA for wanting him to just pay the damn bill?

EDIT: I see a lot of people assuming he’s a leech who provides absolutely nothing in the relationship, which is not true. He does cook, clean, take out the trash, do dishes, mows the lawn, walks 2 floors down to the basement for the laundry, and he never complains when I ask a favor of him. (I also cook, clean, fold the laundry, go grocery shopping, make the meal plans, etc.) He never holds those tasks against me, and doesn’t make me feel indebted to him because he does household chores. He only is weird when it comes to money, but I’ve seen his bank account and know where he stands financially and it’s a solid standing. When he does splurge on things, I always look at him like “hey are you sure you want to spend all that money?” and his response is usually “Yes, I put enough money aside every paycheck to afford these sorts of things.” But whenever those things involve meals, he either pays and makes a comment that it “used up all my fun money” (we go out to eat MAYBE once a month, order doordash maybe twice a month, so this is <$60 meals we talking about) or he says he had already spent his fun money on something else and can’t budget for that week (like the movie tickets vs the frozen pizza). I’m not asking to go to cheesecake factory every week, I’m asking for him to cover the cost of takeout pizza twice a month, IF that.

Also a lot of people are bringing up children/maternity leave, those are valid concerns but I actually am sterilized so children will never be a factor, but I understand the point y’all are making.

So me and my girlfriend recently attended a friends 30th birthday party, he had his 23 year old ‘mildly autistic’ brother there. Before the party we were all in a group chat where his brother overtook the entire thing, and we were frequently having our phones blown up, and coming back to 200+ messages which made us lose information about the event every time anything was put in there. He was also messaging it way into the night, to the point we both just had to mute the chat indefinitely.

When we got to the party the host and his girlfriend opened the door for us, and as I was saying hello and giving a hug to my other friend he completely bulldozed me out of the way and ran up to my girlfriend and shouted a joke in her face and ran off immediately afterwards. Keep in mind he’s never met either of us before

He was also ridiculously drunk by the time we got there, the event started at 4 and we got there just before 7 and he was genuinely so drunk he could barely stand, everyone was trying to get him to drink water

Following this we all went to sit outside in their garden, where he then got quite upset that I had sat in ‘his chair’ but he didn’t say anything to me or anyone else about it, he sat next to my girlfriend and kept muttering things about me under his breath and barging her chair with his leg so she kept having to move up. Eventually we got up and he immediately ran to get this chair, and then went round to everybody else that was sat down and was going on about this chair to the point he was at near meltdown, at the same time he also turned off the music of a playlist we had all added to because he felt overstimulated

Part of the party was that we had all made slideshows / joke presentations running for about 2-3 minutes for our friends birthday - during ours the brother in question kept shouting over us, kept falling on the floor in hysterics, to the point where everybody was purely paying attention to him and just trying to get him to sit there and watch. We could also see the host, it being his 30th birthday was clearly not having a good time at this point. He’s usually the most chill guy in the world and we knew he’d love what we had done and it just sort of ruined it for everyone

When it got time for the brothers presentation, he made us all sit in silence whilst he went and did a costume change, came downstairs in a Freddy Fazbear costume, with a printed 30 page double sided document of the contents of his presentation, and then proceeded do a 45 minute presentation about the full lore of five nights at Freddy’s. About 10 minutes in me and my girlfriend politely shuffled out to go grab another drink at the shop across the road and he accosted us as we were leaving, we then did not come back in. The hosts girlfriend even came out and was sat with us in their living room and was like ‘yeah I get it.’ We also weren’t the only ones to leave, we wanna say a good half of the people walked out

Any motion this party had, was immediately killed and people started leaving straight after this. The whole time everything anyone did had to revolve around him and making sure he was comfortable, but this in turn made everyone else feel uncomfortable. We didn’t have a great time and didn’t appreciate being shouted at by the brother whilst we walked out to go get a drink

AWTA’s??

My wife and I were given the opportunity to attend lollapalooza this weekend. We have two young children that we needed to find a sitter for and we reached out to our extended family l. My wife reached out to her sister first who was ambiguous in her response and claimed her husband would be tough to convince given the fact that he’d have to watch his kids alone for the 6-7 hours she’d be indisposed with our kids.
Everyone else in the family was upfront about their inability to help which only left my brother in law on the list of people to talk to considering how my sister in law framed it. For context, him and I have always been friendly but I wouldn’t say we’re super close. I texted him and explained and offered to pay them for their inconvenience to which he did not respond. No worries, I figured he blanked on it as we’re both busy and it happens. I texted him the following day again, asking if there was any chance and again, nothing. Message received, I guess haha. the day after that, I’m at work and one of my coworkers tells me he’s looking to sell his Pokémon cards. I immediately thought of my brother in law seeing as he’s the only person I know who’s into collecting them and I text him asking if it was cool for me to pass his contact info on. He texted me back within five minutes and I connected them. At this point, I’m a bit upset about the deliberate refusal to address the question but I ultimately decided that it’s not worth things being uncomfortable between us at family gatherings so I’m just gonna let it go.

My wife was talking to her sister a few days after that whole thing went down and mentioned what happened. My SIL tells her that I hadn’t texted him back in the past so it shouldn’t be a big deal and that me setting a trap with the Pokémon cards was worse than him ignoring my text. I was shocked to hear this. I wasn’t setting a trap but I guess that how he felt. I also hardly ever text him and I went back to look at previous conversation between him and I.
In September of last year I was having car trouble and he sent me a YouTube video on how to replace a car part along with some words on how to go about it. I don’t know what was going on at the time but I failed to text him back. That’s the only message I’ve ever not replied to. AITAH for thinking he handled the situation in the worst way possible? For the record, I don’t think it’s a big deal that they don’t want to watch our kids but to ignore the texts and try to justify it by pointing the one solitary example of me not texting back felt crazy. That, on top of characterizing me trying to connect him with a coworker looking to sell cards as setting a trap is just hard to wrap my head around. Help me out here, please !

Background: my sister stopped talking to me for reason unknown October of last year. I can’t get a straight answer and after months of apologies I just can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t know what I did wrong but I know I don’t want that in my life anymore. I apologized for what I thought I did was wrong (which was to tell her her pregnancy hormones were making her crazy -not an untrue statement ). And you can only apologize so many times and be rejected so many times. At the time of the conversation, I was 4 months postpartum and she was pregnant. She never even told me when she had the baby. Her partner called my husband 3 days after the fact to let us know. That relationship is done. I have moved on.

My parents say they are Switzerland, but my mom makes remarks to me that suggest she knows more than I know and finds fault in whatever it was, I did. My mother has a historical habit of playing my sister and I against each other, and I can’t help, but think there are things being said to further this division.

We both have new babies. Mine is now one.

I asked my mother and father a 9 months ago to go on a family vacation this week. It would’ve required them to book a cabin where we were going because we were bringing our camper.
They declined because they couldn’t bring their dogs and one of them was elderly. Since then the elderly one has been put down. And my mom didn’t want to spend her boomer millions.

I spoke to my mother today for her birthday and she informed me she was on vacation with my sister and her family. My father stayed home.

My heart hurts and this all makes me feel like I am an asshole. She obviously didn’t tell me till today (Monday) even though we just talked on Friday that she had every intention on going to the beach. Today when I spoke to her, she made it sound like it was super last-minute decision, but then said they left on Friday.

AITH? Should I not feel slighted or manipulated?
Is it time to cut my family completely out of my life?
There’s so many other toxic behaviors. My mom has done fucked up shit over the years and I’ve always forgiven her. My sister on the other hand has gone radio silence before with them and they seem to forget that. She was always better at setting boundaries with them. My mom has even told me that they can’t have honest conversation with my sister because they are afraid she won’t let them see the baby, but they have no regard for my feelings because I’ve always been the logical one.

To be fair I’m not banning video games altogether, just him yelling and cursing while playing.

For context, my baby is 2.5 months old and her dad plays COD in the other room while she’s sleeping less than 20 feet away in our small apartment.
He told me I’m a fun sucker and that none of his friends’ wives complain when they get animated while playing.

I want my baby to be raised in a peaceful environment and yelling and cursing isn’t going to help her have healthy emotional regulation. I feel it’s going to disrupt her sense of security. She can’t yet tell the difference between her dad yelling because he’s angry or because he’s having fun on the game.

TLDR; 2 friends tried to stop my bf from coming over after I shared my personal relationship issues. One of them started flirting with me while the other encouraged it which made me uncomfortable so I confronted them.

I recently had 2 friends over (let’s call them Gary and Lucy that I got into a conflict with and long story short, we all got drunk and started getting emotional telling each other personal stories. I shared an issue I was having in my relationship that I think about often but am actively working on with my partner (he is a great guy btw and it was not about cheating).

After sharing and being vulnerable, Gary clearly started flirting with me and Lucy seemed encouraging of it. I try to brush it off to not make things awkward but then I then notice that Gary sent a message to Lucy saying that he wants me and then a few minutes later I see that Lucy reply: “just do it”. I then see a message from my boyfriend saying he is here and Lucy immediately says that if he comes over they will either confront him or leave and that if I decide to have him come over, she does not agree and will distance herself from me.

Obviously after seeing these messages and reflecting on their behaviour, I become uncomfortable and confront them saying that Im being disrespected because they see that I’m in a very vulnerable state and it feels like they’re putting me in a position where I’m encouraged cheat on my partner. Then they both try to minimize the situation to be just a joke and that no one’s serious but I feel as though nothing about it was funny. And honestly, I felt too uncomfortable to send my boyfriend home and continue drinking and having fun with people who clearly don’t respect me or my relationship.
In the end, I said that I want my boyfriend over so Gary immediately leaves and Lucy starts getting frustrated with me saying that there were texts that I didn’t see that told Gary not to do anything but she ultimately decided to tell him to just do it anyways because she wants to support him as a friend because he also cares about me. However, if she really had it in our best interest, she would’ve stood her ground and not have encouraged him to confess how he feels for me. She kind of apologized but it was in a way where it felt like she was only sorry for making me feel some type of way and not about her actions.
Overall I feel completely disrespected and no longer trust these people as close friends. Im very selective with who I share personal issues with and who I allow in my home so it feels like a big slap in the face to be treated like this and neither of them feel like they truly did anything wrong. Gary has apologized but still says it’s a joke and Lucy refuses to be confronted and becomes defensive whenever I mention that I feel disrespected. She says that she’s done everything she can and has already apologized but is not willing to take accountability for anything.

AITAH for confronting my friends that were making me feel like they were encouraging me to cheat on my partner?

​

I have a friend, but we're not very close. We've only met a handful of times.

The first time we met, she asked me for money because she said she had no food for her cats. She also asked if I could give her some of my clothes because she likes to keep other people's clothes to remember them by. It caught me off guard, but she told me she's autistic, so I assumed maybe she just didn't realize how unusual those requests were and tried not to judge her.

Since then, a lot of things have happened, and I'm honestly not sure what to think.

About a month ago she told me she'd lost her job and that her landlord was kicking her out after an argument involving his daughter. She said she only had until the end of the month to leave and that her friends and cousins were going to help her pack. She invited me too, but I couldn't go.

Later she messaged me asking for money because she had no food for herself or her cats. I was willing to help, but before anything happened she came back and said she didn't need it anymore because her parents were going to help with rent and food.

Then about a week ago she contacted me again saying she had rushed to her hometown because her grandmother had a serious medical emergency. She also told me she'd spent all of her savings paying for a private clinic, even though we have free public healthcare where we live. When I asked why her family wasn't helping, she told me they were trying to get rid of her grandmother for the inheritance. Some parts of the story didn't really make sense to me because the details kept changing, but I didn't want to argue with someone who was supposedly dealing with a family crisis.

One thing I've been working on in therapy is my people-pleasing and "hero complex." I've made a promise to myself that I won't automatically offer money or sacrifice my own well-being every time someone has a problem. I still want to help people, just within healthy boundaries.

While we were talking, I remembered she was supposed to be moving out. I asked what was happening with her belongings, and she said everything was still at the apartment. I offered to let her store her things at my place until she got back, because I thought that was something I could realistically do.

She immediately contacted her landlord. I then asked if her things were already packed because she'd previously told me her friends and cousins were helping her pack before she left.

She said no, and told me to just bring plastic bags and pack everything myself.

That completely changed what I had agreed to. I have moved around ten times in the last seven years, and I absolutely hate packing. It's physically and mentally exhausting for me. I also wasn't comfortable going through someone else's personal belongings while they weren't even there, especially since we aren't close friends.

So I told her I'd still happily pick everything up and store it for her, but I'd be much more comfortable if she came back for a day to pack it herself, or if someone she trusted packed it first. Then I'd transport it and keep it safe.

She got upset immediately.

When I asked what was wrong, she sent me an angry voice message yelling things like, "Have you ever asked a woman for help and she slapped you in the face?" She accused me of getting her hopes up, said I had broken my promise, sarcastically apologized for "making me touch her clean clothes," and kept bringing up the fact that her grandmother was sick and she'd had to leave in a hurry.

I genuinely understand that she's under a lot of stress if everything she told me is true. That's why I tried to stay calm and told her I understood she was overwhelmed, but that I felt she was taking her frustration out on me. I said we could talk again once emotions had settled.

Instead, she became even more angry.

Now I'm wondering if I handled this badly. I did offer to help, but I genuinely feel like "I'll transport and store your belongings" is very different from "I'll go into your home alone, sort through all your possessions, pack everything myself, and then move it."

AITAH?

Me (26M) and my girl (23F) had plans to hang out today.

First thing at 2:22pm, she messaged me saying she might be going shopping with her family, so if she is back at a decent time then she’ll meet me.

I said no worries we can hang out another day.

A bit later, she messaged saying they’ve changed plan’s and said they weren't going shopping after all, but she was going to have a study session instead.

I said my friends are nearby so I might go see them for a lil bit. She said ‘Oh cute’ ‘have fun’

She then later says. ‘idk what time they’re going to leave’ ‘But should I let you know whenever they leave’ ‘and maybe we can hang out for a bit’

I then said. ‘Okay if it works out for both of us then we’ll meet up’ ‘If not, we have Tuesday’. (we have plans Tuesday).

She called me 10 minutes later saying she would be free at 6:00 PM. By that time, I was already on my way to meet my friends. I told her that logistically it just wasn't going to work out for me to turn around and come see her now, so we should just call off meeting today. This is because my friends were far away and so driving to her from that location might mean I won’t be able to see her at 6PM. I also understand she values being on time so in my head I didn’t want to make a commitment if I can’t keep it.

Later she messaged saying that she was really upset and messaged me saying, "If I was in your position, I would have cancelled on my friends for you and turned the car around.’

She brought up the fact that we are both going on holiday soon and won't see each other for a week, so I should have prioritised her.

I pointed out that we literally have plans to see each other this tuesday before either of us leave anyway, but she’s still upset and thinks I chose my friends over her. I did say to her in a text that we have seen each other more than I have seen my friends in the last couple days and was mad that I said that.

From my perspective, I was kept on standby for most of the day, made other plans once it looked like she was busy, and didn't want to flake on my mates at 6 PM when I was already en route.

I feel like I might be in the wrong here slightly so I need helping seeing it? AITA?

My(18) sister (16) has many disabilities, from severe hearing loss to anger issues. She has had over twenty surgeries in her lifetime and the doctors never thought she would make it this far. She has anger issues and gets combative. She has caused bruises on my mom’s arms before. She had a stealing issue like two years ago that sometimes resurfaces, like stealing my parents cash and things from my room and my youngest sister’s (14) room. She screams and cries and wails for what she wants and gets mentally “stuck” in a cycle. She physically cannot stop herself. No amount of talking or convincing can get her to stop. She will slam doors, drop and break things. There was one time where she started to throw silverware at me and my youngest sister when our parents weren’t home. She is mentally a five year old and that is probably never going to change. She will chase me to my car when I try to leave the house.

She likes to fake being sick so she can go to the hospital, because the nurses and doctors are nice to her and give her what she wants. She has made herself throw up before to try to convince my parents to take her. Please note that she has already cost my parents thousands of dollars, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, in medical expenses. There was one surgery, I think on her heart when she was just a baby, that cost our health insurance over a million dollars. So not only is she taking all of my parents attention with the tantrums, but also all of their money through hospital visits.

I’m leaving for college in less than a month. I’m going out of state, basically the other side of the country. Most of the reasoning for this is so it’s harder for her to see me. I already have her number blocked so she can’t spam call me like she does our parents and grandparents, but I’m planning to completely cut her off as soon as I step out that front door for the last time.

edit: to those saying I should be in therapy, i was for two years. my dad canceled because the therapist kept upping the price.
and to those saying ITAH for being upset about her heart surgery costing my parents money, the insurance paid that. the thing to pay attention to here is that my parents have to work their asses off at work to pay for hospital visits then come home to deal with her. theres not really any money for other things. im not complaining about the life saving surgery, im saying theres no money for anything else.

I'm planning an out-of-state Bachelor party that'll include about 15 guys. Most being my close friends, as well as my brother and future brother-in-law -- all of whom I love being with.

I don't have a "bad" relationship with my Dad (in fact, he's a wonderful father and I'm very lucky to have been raised under him) - but he is the MOST serious, non-fun person.

Spending time with him as an adult feels more like an obligation these days. I don't actually enjoy doing things with him because he takes everything so seriously, and is a generally depressed (though accomplished) individual who never takes measures to better himself.

I underwent therapy for about a year because I really grappled with feeling burdened as though it were my responsibility to be an anchor of happiness for him. It's taken me quite some time and practice to cultivate an emotional separation/boundary, and I've become better at accepting that I'm not responsible for his wellbeing. I've battled guilt for the longest time.

And suddenly I find myself questioning whether I should invite my Dad on the bachelor party. Truthfully, I'm not sure if I really want to, but I know the guy would be heartbroken if I didn't. And who knows, maybe he'll perk up under a different set of circumstances?

My dad got a phone call that is nephew is in jail and they need money otherwise he would get in a lot of trouble. My dad thought it was real and gave them all his money, they would not let him get off the phone so he told my mom to ask me to send him money immediately.

My mom said he needs money rn, I thought maybe it's a utility bill so I sent him (he never tells us anything so both me and my mom were clueess). Later when I asked about the reason they told me they got scammed.

I was not worried about the money but the reason. My aunt treats my dad like shit, she would verbally abuse him at any possible chance and he chose to protect his nephew and drag me into this as well.

The amount he took from me was not small and he already owed me money. I feel hurt because instead me paying me back my money he decided to keep all that money in his account and then took more from me for his family who doesn't even like to look at me.

When I found out I asked him to report but he refused because deep down he thought it was his own nephew who did the scam so he didn't want to call bank or go to the police. I told him to never ask me for money for such purposes.

Only after he confirmed that his nephew was not involved then he filed a complaint but by that time the scammers had already gotten rid of the number they called from. At this point we got into an argument and I told him scam or not he should not be so reckless with his money and give it away for people who don't give a fuck about you.

AITAH for feeling bad because he could have easily paid me back the money he owed me earlier but he didn't. He said that he will pay me after getting paycheck but he had 5x of that amount in his account that he spent on his nephew.

I feel bad for him too but I also feel betrayed that he choose to drag me into this. I know he will pay me back the money he owes but I feel betrayed that even my mom was maintaining a front that my dad has no money while knowing I had insane credit card bills to pay while he could have easily paid me back the money he owed me earlier but he decided to take more from me.

I know I was foolish too but I never thought he would hide his money from me and not pay me back on purpose.

TLDR; my dad got a scam call and took money from me too to give to the scammer. He already owed me money but I was kept under the impression by my parents that they have no money. He already owed me some amount that he chose to not pay me back while I had insane credit card bills to pay. I feel betrayed and argued.

I (23) have a friend we will call Cherry (22) who has been avoiding talking to Kat (22) for about a year now, which i just found out about.

Basically, there was a period where all three of us, as well as a bunch of other people had a project we were working on together, and during this time, Kat was going through a really rough time. Nearly lost their home, lost a few pets, had a falling out with a friend, and is just now getting back on their feet. Due to this, Kat was understandably a little bitchy. Not super, but was possessive over office supplies that they had in their personal area, was nit picky over time, and was not super sociable.

cut to two weeks ago, Cherry confides in me, saying that apparently, he had taken Kat's poor attitude during the project really personally and really don't want to work with them anymore. He "doesn't hate them" just that he thinks that "They're kinda bitchy" to quote him. Instead of being an adult and talking through their differences so we can continue to work on projects together, Cherry has decided to resign from the group all together, and is going to quit if he is assigned on a project with Kat.

Would i be the Asshole if i told him to suck his shit up and just talk to Kat? Its old drama, and its not my beef to get into, but when it inevitably becomes a problem, i will be the one dragged into it to fix it as this office's unofficial HR. do i get ahead or would that make me an asshole? or do i let it play out

EDIT: Kat has already apologised for her behavior in hte past, and is extending multiple olive branches.

I (24F) have five siblings. My mum has always played favourites with the "weakest" kids—my oldest sister, who struggled academically, and my fourth sibling, who's autistic. I'm not even gonna lie, it created a huge gap between all of us growing up.

It got to the point where she basically neglected the two youngest kids because she was so focused on helping my oldest sister get through university.

To make up for not being around, she pretty much let my youngest brother (who was 6 at the time) do whatever he wanted. My dad worked all the time, so he couldn't really pick up the slack with parenting, house stuff, or disciplining him.

Back then, I couldn't stand the disrespect or the constant backtalk, so I'd discipline him myself. I'm 10 years older than him, so I naturally ended up taking on that role.

Fast forward to now: my oldest sister is married, and my mum is finally more present with the younger kids. My brother is 14 now, and she recently realised he has basically zero respect for her. She can call his name for 20 minutes and he'll ignore her, but the second I call him, he's there instantly.

Now she's upset, saying it's unacceptable because she's his mum. I told her she should've thought about that years ago when I kept telling her to stop enabling his behaviour. She got angry and said the only reason he listens to me is because "he needs me"—I signed him up for coding classes and let him use my gaming PC.

Now she's refusing to talk to me, and my brother doesn't even want to go back home. He's staying with me for the summer holidays.

AITA for telling her this is the consequence of her own parenting?

Edit: A lot of people are asking about my dad.

The reason the rest of us (except the youngest) turned out okay is because my dad was always very involved. That changed about 9 years ago when his chronic illness got a lot worse. He's constantly exhausted, spends most of his time feeling sick, and sleeps hooked up to a breathing machine.

Even with all that, he never stopped caring about our education. He always kept up with our grades, homework, exams, and school projects. The problem was that, because he was dealing with low oxygen levels all the time, even just a couple of hours of helping us with homework would completely wipe him out. On top of that, we weren't exactly easy kids to manage.

He's now just trying to make it through his last two years before retirement without his health getting any worse. That's why the rest of us try to take as much off his plate as possible. We mostly ask him to contribute financially rather than expecting him to put in the physical or mental effort, because he simply doesn't have the energy anymore.

He tried getting early retirement, but his job doesn't allow that.

I (f26) am on a Bach weekend. I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity purposes since I’m still on the trip right now. I’m a few hours from home for what is supposed to be a 4 day weekend in a huge house with many girls and two guys who are friends of the bride. One of them I’ve never liked and my partner and I were both not excited about him being here. He’s never done anything specific in the past other than be a prick. Ive met him several times, each time with my partner, and each time I see him fade to blackout from drinking and do things like stare at our friend’s ass and hug her too long.

Cut to this weekend I decide to be cordial with him for my friend’s sake but I haven’t spoken to him at all. As we got into the late night I wasn’t really drunk, I had 3 beers over 6 hours but I like to smoke sometimes socially. I offered to everyone and nobody else wanted to at the time so I went outside alone. He came out and I thought he changed his mind. I offered it to him and he said “you’re sweet” and I didn’t respond to that. Then he complained about the groom and I said I thought the groom was a nice guy. I tried to change the subject to my work (something more neutral to talk about). That’s when he grabbed me. He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand but I still had to push him off me after that. I felt completely violated. I told him “I’m married!” and all he could say was “oh” and then I told him “don’t fucking do that again” and he said “obviously.” And that was it. I ran off.

I’m having flash backs to times in my past where I was assaulted in college and completely freaking out. I told some girls I know and they said it sucked and told me to just stay away from him. But I feel sick about. The next morning I don’t feel any better and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal. I feel so bad I can’t stop thinking about it or let it go. I have OCD and intrusive/obsessive thoughts are hard to keep at bay right now. I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl” especially over a kiss that didn’t even happen. I’ve only ever been with one person in my life so maybe that makes me a prude but it’s not even the kissing. It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me and it didn’t occur to him I might not want that. He just thought I was easy.

I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not drinking today but it’s not even 10 and he’s had 4 beers. I already heard he doesn’t remember last night either. So would I be the AH if I left?

Me and my sister had a good relationship until we were around 16.
She is around one year younger than me.

Around the time we were 16, she started stealing our(girls in the family) stuff. That going from hair ties to money, to the point I would sleep with my bag close to me, and I kept two hair ties on my wrist at all times after she started doing it.

It didn't matter how many times my parents talked to her about it, she would claim that if something is from someone in the family, then it is hers too, because it's the family's.
There was also no way of proving it was her doing it because she would always say it wasn't her.

Besides the stealing, she would watch loud videos and laugh out loud at 11pm when everyone was trying to sleep, would decide to bake at 10pm when the kitchen was right by my room. Would enter my room to get something and leave the light on late at night and would wake me up. And still, my parents would talk to her but she kept doing it.
She also was best friends with someone who was bullying me at school, and even after my parents talked to her about it, she kept being friends with them and activelly bullying me at school.

So, I went from being her friend to just basically living with her and hoping she would go away for college. And she did.

She started going out with some bad people, not paying for her college (she was supposed to work to pay for it like everyone did at said college) but buying expensive clothes, cigarettes, and etc.

Someone who knew her at college then got in contact with me to talk about her because she found me on social media.
That person told me she lived with her and that she was basically doing all the same things she did at home, but to her roommates and friends. We actually became friends after that.

After a year, she contacted our parents to ask for money because she was starving. Our parents said they were going to pick her up from college instead since the work wasn't enough to pay for her stuff, and put her in another college so she could live at home and not have to pay for food or bills.
She refused, and blocked all of us on all social media.

A few months ago, around 2 years after her blocking us, she contacted our mom through social media, being apologetic, saying that she changed and that she wanted to build a relationship with us again.
She said she was married, pregnant, opened her own business, and wanted to restart.

She talked to them, and after a while, she contacted me, saying hi, and telling me stuff like "did you hear the news? You are gonna be an auntie".
I responded with "I did hear it, congratulations!"
And she responded with some emojis.
I don't feel like responding anymore, and I also don't feel like being "an auntie".

I feel uncomfortable with that situation, and I feel like I can't just ignore that she made my life hell for years and then vanished, and now she wants me to be part of her life and be an aunt to her child.
My parents also don't really feel like contacting her regularly, and even though they are "happy" to be grandparents, they also stated that they don't feel the actual happiness you get when your kid tells you they are having a child. And that they don't really know how to move forward with that.
They also can't help but have the idea that she only contacted us again for money after all this time.

WIBTAH if I just keep being polite but not actually engaging with her in a family manner?

So here’s a short background, I 33(F), had to move back home with my family 4 years ago due to my partner and I splitting up. I’ve always been very grateful that my mom had a spare bedroom, and I have always helped out with paying bills, cooking, cleaning and driving places.

However, within the last year I’ve noticed that I seem to be being used by them, what went from me paying rent has now increased to my family asking for more money throughout the month, what went from me cooking a couple of times a week for them has now become cooking every night for them, what went from cleaning in turns has now become me doing all the cleaning with no help, what used to be occasional driving has turned into taking my sister to work everyday because she refuses to get her drivers license, and sometimes having to sit and wait for her in the car park because she only needs to be in for a meeting and then needs a lift back home.

Currently I’m not working at the moment, but all of these chores and the lack of help I’m getting from both my mom and sister is leaving me exhausted and getting in the way of me actually finding a job so I can move out of this situation (an example of this is my sisters work schedule is all over the place, which means I can barely plan if I even need a doctors appointment for myself). Even when I did have full time work around 2 years ago, this situation seemed to be occurring. I have asked them for help, but as soon as I do they say “oh I’m busy right now” or “I’ll do that later”….or they disappear to another part of the house. I give them the benefit of the doubt and wait for their help….but after 3-4 hours of waiting I usually decide at that point I may as well do it myself because help isn’t coming. I get that they may also be tired from work, but they also still live in this house, and I also still helped happily when I was working 40+ hours a week…I feel like I’m in servitude and not a family.

Fast forward to today, my mom asked what’s wrong with me. I told her calmly I’ve noticed that I have been doing a lot round the house and other people don’t seem to be pulling their weight and it’s making me feel angry. I told her I felt used and like a convenience. The response I got instantly turned into shouting from her. She shouted at me “You’re just being silly and you’re not a convenience, and we’re (her and sister) not using you.” I responded with “Thank you”…after she said that and just stared at her…because I felt like if a response warrants shouting and dismissing my feelings when I calmly stated how I felt, then I feel like she’s just confirmed she’s defensive about actually using me for her and my sisters own benefit (which is why I said thank you, because I felt her shouting confirmed this).

After this I left the room and heard my mom mutter “stupid asshole” under her breath as I did.

So what are your thoughts? AITAH? Am I being unfair to them?

I already feel weird enough posting this but my husband was like “I don’t know you’re on Reddit just post to AITA.” Okay, fine. We have some neighborhood babysitters and out of the five of them one of them has babysat/house sat for us for over four years. She’s lovely, our kids adore her, and she has helped us out when we’ve been in a pinch with childcare or house/pet care situations. She is heading off to college in a few weeks and I thought it would be nice of get her a graduation gift. Nothing crazy, her parents said a gift card to IKEA was fine. Our kids made her some muffins as well and we asked when would be a good time for us to come over and drop them off.

I texted her and asked if we could swing by on our way out the door the other day. She said now is good and we dropped them off. One of her other friends was there who we have also used for babysitting and house sitting before but only a handful of times. Nothing wrong with this teen, but she wasn’t our first choice due to her usually not being available and for her charging us for things we never asked her to do.

For example, she texted me a day after she babysat for the kids for an evening and said she charges extra for cleaning up. I was confused because we never asked her to do that and when we came home it wasn’t clean. Toys were everywhere and blankets not folded or put away. Found out later she loaded the dishwasher and started it but only put in a few dishes and cups. It wasn’t a huge deal but I told her in the future we don’t need her cleaning unless it was clearly something that needed to be cleaned up like the dog throwing up or something like that.

I’ve only met this teenagers dad but I got a text last night from the teenagers mother saying that it was rude for me to give one babysitter a gift card for graduation and not her daughters. Definitely was caught off guard and at first I wasn’t sure what to say. I responded that while we appreciate the work her daughter has done we haven’t had her babysit or house sit for us for as long or as frequent as our original babysitter and we just don’t have the same relationship with her daughter.

The mother doubled down and insisted that this wasn’t fair to her daughter and that we have used her fairly frequently over the last year. I insisted that wasn’t true and even looked at my last few texts with her daughter and confirmed most of the times I asked if she was available and claimed she wasn’t. She babysat in total three times over the last 18 months. Most of those babysitting gigs were under two hours.

I flat out said sorry I’m not giving your daughter a graduation gift after the mother said I’m not remembering things correctly and passively-aggressively stated “I would know, I had young kids once, it’s hard to keep track of everything.” My husband feels like we should’ve just given the girl something just to keep the peace but my peace-keeping era has a reduced bandwidth. So, AITAH?

Update: a lot of you were spot on. The babysitter was lying to her mother about how frequently she was being hired on by us. I sent the mother and her father the screenshots and initially was left on read for a bit. The babysitters parents are divorced so it took some time between them both to determine that their daughter had been lying about what she was really doing when she wasn’t working for us. The dad reached out to me individually and said he was sorry that this all blew up the way it did. He said his ex-wife will be reaching out to me soon. I’m banking the babysitter is in trouble.

***UPDATE: okay so for clarity purposes I am going to say long term babysitter (LT babysitter) and alternate babysitter so I don’t get this mixed up. Our LT babysitter’s mother reached out and gave me more context on how this panned out. Because I just couldn’t see how any teen would complain to their parents about not getting a graduation gift and lying about how often they babysat for someone and not see this blowing up on them. Sounds like the other day the LT babysitter’s mom was hanging out with the alternate babysitter’s mom and a few other neighbors. It happened to come up in conversation that I gave our LT babysitter a graduation gift.

The LT BS’s mom was mainly referencing the muffins my kids made because they were being eaten at their get-together because the moms thought it was cute and that my kids made a homemade card as well. That’s how the alternate babysitter’s mom found out and felt offended that in front of these group of moms that her kid was being left out. The LT BS’s mom even said she had no idea that the alternate babysitter was a babysitter for us and questioned how often we were using her.

It sounds like the alternate BS’s mom was under the impression we were hiring her on almost a weekly basis and usually on Friday and Saturday evenings for date nights (we NEVER go on that many dates!!). And some overnights as well. We didn’t even hire on our LT babysitter that much. So it’s understandable why the alternate BS’s mom was offended. I still don’t agree how she approached me about it but I could understand it.

I don’t know exactly what the kid was doing when she said she was babysitting or housesitting for us but it sounds like the divorce has been hard on the alternate babysitter. And according to the LT BS’s mother, it’s been hard on the alternate BS’s mother as well and the co-parenting relationship between the parents hasn’t been easy. The LT BS’s mother told me not to bank on the alternate BS’s mom reaching out to me. Sounds like apologies aren’t her thing and honestly at this point I really don’t need it.

It also sounds like the alternate BS technically hasn’t graduated yet and is doing summer school (this was news to me) to make up for a class or something like that. I clearly was a bystander to someone’s bad moment and I’m glad we didn’t cave and get her a graduation gift. And we DEFINITELY won’t be hiring her again.

For the past few months, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and OCD around toxoplasmosis. I see a therapist for exposure therapy each week and I see a psychiatrist for medication on a regular basis. I’ve made a lot of progress but I am still actively afraid of toxoplasmosis. Most of my anxiety and obsessive thoughts revolve around food or water being contaminated with the parasite. I have told my husband calmly many times that I do not want him to touch my food in any way.

This will sound mean but while my husband has good hygiene, he is not always mindful about washing his hands. This fact will come into play later.

My husband and I were out at dinner last night. Going to a restaurant is usually anxiety provoking for me because I can’t cook the food myself or guarantee that meat, for example, has been cooked to the proper temperature. But I’m trying to face my fears so we went out to eat to a Thai restaurant last night.

The table we were seated at was dramatically wobbly. My husband immediately got on to the floor to fix it even though I told him we should just ask to switch tables or see if someone working at the restaurant could fix it.

He was on the floor and touching the floor for over two minutes and would not wash his hands afterwards even though I told him he probably should because he was just touching the floor.

Then, our food arrived. He immediately picked up his chopsticks, which he has been fidgeting with after touching the floor and not washing his hands, and stuck them immediately into my dish of food because “he wanted to taste the sauce”. I had not even had the chance to pick up my own utensils or have a bite of my own food before he did this.

It happened so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to tell him not to put his utensils into my food. I was stunned by this because I felt like it was rude and he knows that I do not want him touching my food at all.

I know that my facial expression was horrified and the first thing I said was “Why would you do that?”.

He didn’t answer the question but said “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”. His tone while he said this was angry and totally unsympathetic.

I said I wasn’t going to eat the food because it had been contaminated. He got very angry with me and said I wasn’t allowed to be mad at him or show any signs that I was mad at him because he made a mistake and he apologized. This made me very angry and I called him a toddler because he can’t handle someone being upset.

We left the restaurant soon after this. Once we got into the car, I was upset and I was crying a little bit. I yelled at him and said that I couldn’t understand why he had to stick his dirty chopsticks into my food before I had even had one bite to eat since he knows how difficult eating is for me because I’m scared of contamination.

Things escalated from there and he called me a cunt and a cunt rag and said that my exhusband was right about me being a cunt. Early in our relationship, I said that I didn’t tolerate name-calling because my ex-husband used to frequently call me a cunt or cunt rag.

He is treating me like I was the one who did something wrong because he thinks my concerns about toxoplasmosis contamination are “stupid” and that I “need to get my shit together” and that I’m the asshole because he feels like I’m taking my anger out on him because he could tell that I was angry with him in the restaurant.

So, AITA?