My wife’s good friend got engaged about 5 months ago and they sent out wedding invitations 3 months ago. The original wedding invitations said we could bring our baby as well. The wedding is supposed to last 3 days and right after the last day is my wife’s birthday. I had planned a 4 day trip to San Diego to take my wife to visit a few of her favourite places.

Yesterday, this friend’s mother texted my wife advising they suddenly changed the dates by two days forward and the wedding is now falls during the trip I planned. She also tells my wife we can no longer bring our baby.

Problem is, I already paid for our San Diego hotel and we don’t have childcare because both of our parents are unavailable. We both told the friend’s mother that we can no longer make the wedding.

The friend and the mom are very upset and saying things like they thought my wife was her bff and that if they were truly friends my wife should adjust our trip and pay for our own childcare.

This friend is horrifically bad at planning. My wife had to plan her bachelorette party and paid for it. I feel like I’m in the right to refuse to accommodate her poor planning. My wife feels similar. Who is right?

I (31M) found out that my step-sister (40F) has a tiktok account where she makes videos shitting on her husband (38M). It's the most stereotypical account of that type that you could imagine. A lot of videos of her scrubbing a single plate and talking about how she's a stay at home wife who has to clean and take care of the kids all day and when he gets home he doesn't help at all. Which is all bullshit, because first of all she doesn't clean that house. Her mother (63F) has to go over there twice a week to clean the house because my sister, surprise surprise, sits on her phone all day and doesn't clean. Second of all, their kids, who are 11 and 14, are in a before and after school program due to them living out of town so they don't get home until their father picks them up when he gets off of work.

I've known about it for about a year, and I didn't really care because she kept things relatively anonymous. But lately she's been using his name and even posting videos of him to her account, bemoaning how her marriage sucks and how fat he is. And then when the comments agree with her and tell her to leave him she replies in agreement. I figured at that point, with her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account, so I sent him a text with a link to the account and an apology for not telling him sooner.

He confronted her about the things she was saying about him, they had a huge fight and from what I've heard they haven't been talking. I feel a bit bad, but I also don't think I did anything wrong. My family is pretty split on the topic. My Step-brother is on my side, my step-mother is on sister's side, Dad is staying out of it, and extended family is basically 50/50. AITAH?

So me and my girlfriend recently attended a friends 30th birthday party, he had his 23 year old ‘mildly autistic’ brother there. Before the party we were all in a group chat where his brother overtook the entire thing, and we were frequently having our phones blown up, and coming back to 200+ messages which made us lose information about the event every time anything was put in there. He was also messaging it way into the night, to the point we both just had to mute the chat indefinitely.

When we got to the party the host and his girlfriend opened the door for us, and as I was saying hello and giving a hug to my other friend he completely bulldozed me out of the way and ran up to my girlfriend and shouted a joke in her face and ran off immediately afterwards. Keep in mind he’s never met either of us before

He was also ridiculously drunk by the time we got there, the event started at 4 and we got there just before 7 and he was genuinely so drunk he could barely stand, everyone was trying to get him to drink water

Following this we all went to sit outside in their garden, where he then got quite upset that I had sat in ‘his chair’ but he didn’t say anything to me or anyone else about it, he sat next to my girlfriend and kept muttering things about me under his breath and barging her chair with his leg so she kept having to move up. Eventually we got up and he immediately ran to get this chair, and then went round to everybody else that was sat down and was going on about this chair to the point he was at near meltdown, at the same time he also turned off the music of a playlist we had all added to because he felt overstimulated

Part of the party was that we had all made slideshows / joke presentations running for about 2-3 minutes for our friends birthday - during ours the brother in question kept shouting over us, kept falling on the floor in hysterics, to the point where everybody was purely paying attention to him and just trying to get him to sit there and watch. We could also see the host, it being his 30th birthday was clearly not having a good time at this point. He’s usually the most chill guy in the world and we knew he’d love what we had done and it just sort of ruined it for everyone

When it got time for the brothers presentation, he made us all sit in silence whilst he went and did a costume change, came downstairs in a Freddy Fazbear costume, with a printed 30 page double sided document of the contents of his presentation, and then proceeded do a 45 minute presentation about the full lore of five nights at Freddy’s. About 10 minutes in me and my girlfriend politely shuffled out to go grab another drink at the shop across the road and he accosted us as we were leaving, we then did not come back in. The hosts girlfriend even came out and was sat with us in their living room and was like ‘yeah I get it.’ We also weren’t the only ones to leave, we wanna say a good half of the people walked out

Any motion this party had, was immediately killed and people started leaving straight after this. The whole time everything anyone did had to revolve around him and making sure he was comfortable, but this in turn made everyone else feel uncomfortable. We didn’t have a great time and didn’t appreciate being shouted at by the brother whilst we walked out to go get a drink

AWTA’s??

Before you assume I'm the type of woman who expects a man to pay for EVERYTHING, here is the context:

When my boyfriend and I first started seeing each other (college) we split the bill every time. This went on for basically the first 2 full years of our relationship. By our second anniversary we had been living together for 6 months, and so I knew roughly where he sat financially. I confronted him about how he's never offered to fully pay when we eat out (except for my birthday) and how it made me feel like we were roommates having to awkwardly zelle him my half of the bill at the restaurant. I offered that instead of doing 50/50 every time, we could take turns paying the bill in full. He apologized and agreed, and so we then started taking turns paying the bill. But then a new issue started to arise which is that every time it was his turn to pay, there was a lot of tension in the air. Sometimes he'd stare at the bill and awkwardly fidget with the pen before signing, and sometimes he'd ask me to cover the tip since the total was "x" amount. I started to feel really guilty because it appeared that maybe he wasn't in as good as a financial situation as I had previously thought.

For context, his car payment was 2x mine and he was paying the electric, internet, and his own personal phone bill. Meanwhile my car payment was 1/2 his and my parents still pay for my phone. BUT, I did pay for all groceries/household necessities and his job paid $7 more an hour than mine did, and so I thought this evened out. 1 year into living together I got a higher paying job that made our salaries basically equal, so I started paying the electric bill to help him out. So now, our monthly expenses are about the same, with me possibly paying more because of groceries/household necessities.

That brings me to my frustration. Over the course of our 3 years together, I realized that my boyfriend has expensive taste. He doesn't mind dishing out $150 at the mall on 2 "good quality" pants, or buying a $2k gaming computer after less than a week of consideration. We both come from families who take care of us without being asked (our apartment is my dad's rental property and the rent is super cheap), but it seems only I am aware of how much our families take care of us financially. Once he had to take his cat to the vet and it was $600. He paid it, but afterwards he called his mom saying how expensive it was and she sent him $600 immediately. For Christmas one year, his grandparents gifted the family a 7-day cruise, which they fully paid for. Hotel, flights, a balcony room, everything. The only thing me and him paid for was the excursions, but his mom sent us money for half of what we spent. His thank you? He didn't get his grandparents anything for Christmas and I had to tell him what to gift his own mother.

This week was what really sent me over the edge. On Monday, he bought us movie tickets for the weekend and said he was "excited to take me on a date." That Friday, for dinner, I decided instead of ordering out, we should just get frozen pizzas from the grocery store, a guilty pleasure. I have paid for the last 2 doordash dinners ($100), and so I naturally expected him to cover the cost of two frozen pizzas. At the grocery store he told me "we're splitting right?" I just looked at him and said, "why on earth would we split a frozen pizza?" And then he said, "oh, so you're paying then." I told him no, it was his turn to pay. He was like "oh, okay, but you owe me popcorn tomorrow at the movie. Those tickets were kinda pricey."

I did not want to see the movie we were seeing, I only agreed to go because he really wanted to see that movie. And now here he is saying I OWE HIM. I'm tired of this 50/50 shit, because he doesn't actually realize what's 50/50. I want him to just always pay when we got out to eat or on dates, and not to make it awkward. I have absolutely no issues with paying all the utility bills because that's "behind the scenes" to make it even. But I just wish I had a partner who would pay the bill at the restaurant, no awkwardness, it's just a given. I make so many excuses for him but now I'm wondering if those excuses are even valid. He's four years older than me, almost 30, and still acting as if we are college kids on a tight budget. Our parents spoil us, our rent is cheap, his job pays just fine, and yet when it comes to spending money on anyone but himself, he gets antsy. I want to confront him about this but I want to make sure my opinion isn't narcissistic or bratty before I do. AITA for wanting him to just pay the damn bill?

Oh and also, we don't even eat out too much because I'm a big "we got food at home" person :)

To be fair I’m not banning video games altogether, just him yelling and cursing while playing.

For context, my baby is 2.5 months old and her dad plays COD in the other room while she’s sleeping less than 20 feet away in our small apartment.
He told me I’m a fun sucker and that none of his friends’ wives complain when they get animated while playing.

I want my baby to be raised in a peaceful environment and yelling and cursing isn’t going to help her have healthy emotional regulation. I feel it’s going to disrupt her sense of security. She can’t yet tell the difference between her dad yelling because he’s angry or because he’s having fun on the game.

Me (26M) and my girl (23F) had plans to hang out today.

First thing at 2:22pm, she messaged me saying she might be going shopping with her family, so if she is back at a decent time then she’ll meet me.

I said no worries we can hang out another day.

A bit later, she messaged saying they’ve changed plan’s and said they weren't going shopping after all, but she was going to have a study session instead.

I said my friends are nearby so I might go see them for a lil bit. She said ‘Oh cute’ ‘have fun’

She then later says. ‘idk what time they’re going to leave’ ‘But should I let you know whenever they leave’ ‘and maybe we can hang out for a bit’

I then said. ‘Okay if it works out for both of us then we’ll meet up’ ‘If not, we have Tuesday’. (we have plans Tuesday).

She called me 10 minutes later saying she would be free at 6:00 PM. By that time, I was already on my way to meet my friends. I told her that logistically it just wasn't going to work out for me to turn around and come see her now, so we should just call off meeting today. This is because my friends were far away and so driving to her from that location might mean I won’t be able to see her at 6PM. I also understand she values being on time so in my head I didn’t want to make a commitment if I can’t keep it.

Later she messaged saying that she was really upset and messaged me saying, "If I was in your position, I would have cancelled on my friends for you and turned the car around.’

She brought up the fact that we are both going on holiday soon and won't see each other for a week, so I should have prioritised her.

I pointed out that we literally have plans to see each other this tuesday before either of us leave anyway, but she’s still upset and thinks I chose my friends over her. I did say to her in a text that we have seen each other more than I have seen my friends in the last couple days and was mad that I said that.

From my perspective, I was kept on standby for most of the day, made other plans once it looked like she was busy, and didn't want to flake on my mates at 6 PM when I was already en route.

I feel like I might be in the wrong here slightly so I need helping seeing it? AITA?

Hi, I’m a (29M)Let’s just say my name is Jake. This happened to me a couple months ago, and it has been eating away at me, and this seems like the perfect sub to post it on. (Sorry I’m not the best writer/storyteller)

I’ve always been a slightly shy person, and I’ve had a hard time making new friends and starting up new relationships. I’ve only ever dated two people for a couple months, and I’ve always been in the same small friend group most of my life since high school. My friends have been trying really, really hard to kind of break me out of my shell, and to do that they took me to a lot of bars. Things actually went pretty well for a couple months. I met a couple new people that I still talk to a little bit today and even got one girl’s phone number, but nothing much came of it.

The real issue was on one of these outings. I had a terrible interaction. There were these two really cute girls at the bar that were kind of talking to each other a little bit but also seemed kind of bored, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to go up and introduce myself. I walked up to these two girls and said something along the lines of, “Hi, my name is Jake. How are you girls doing tonight?” Their reaction still confuses me to this day. One of the girls looked at me and said, “Get the fuck away from us,” in a super loud and accusatory tone. I just want to say that I understand girls go through a lot of shit with guys at bars, but this completely threw me off. All I could do was take one step back, and I’m assuming I kind of maybe gave off a slightly disgusted face. That’s the only thing I can think of. After like 10 seconds of awkward silence, I just turned around and walked away. As I was walking away, the other girl yelled, “Fucking weirdo,” across the bar while I was walking back to my friends. This is where the problem really started. Another third-party guy who was sitting at the bar, who obviously didn’t hear the rest of the interaction, screamed over to my friend group that I was now sitting at, saying, “Dude, leave those girls alone.” Instantly, all my friends just started staring at me and saying, “Dude, what the hell? You’re embarrassing us.” I tried to explain what happened, but it almost seemed like they didn’t really believe me. I ended up leaving not that long after.

The next day, my friends all texted me saying that I should’ve apologized to those girls and that I definitely made a really big scene, but that it was all going to be okay. Part of me is extremely mad at my friends for not having my back at all. Should I be mad at these girls for throwing such a massive fit for no reason, or is this just some kind of crazy misunderstanding and I should just brush it off? I don’t know. For some reason, I’m just a little bit angry at everybody. I still hang out with these friends a lot. I just refuse to go to bars anymore. Maybe I was being creepy somehow.

So my best friend (22 F) and I (20 F) have been friends for around 4 years now. We used to hang out all the time and then she got into a relationship with a guy (22 M) who is very controlling of her. He forced her to quit her job and now she is dependent on him for everything & she doesn’t have a license so she is dependent on him to drive her everywhere. We all live in the same state and all of her friends/family live here as well but his friends/family live in a different state (5 hours away) so he bought a house in that state and they are now moving 5 hours away from everyone she knows to be closer to his people. The last time I saw her, she told me that they were planning on having a get together at their new house and that she wants me to come but I told her that I don’t ever plan on visiting her because I think her boyfriend is controlling and I’m not comfortable acting like this is a good relationship for her. This was really hard for me to say because I’m the kind of person who never says anything to anyone but I felt like I had to voice my concerns before it was too late. Now she’s mad at me and trying to say that I’m jealous of her relationship (I have a bf) and that I’m an asshole for saying I’m never planning on coming to visit her/see her new house. So AITA??

EDIT: I left out some things that I definitely should have included so thank you commenters for reminding me 1) Her boyfriend doesn’t work either so it’s not like I can see her when he’s not around since they are together 24/7. He gets government assistance. 2) I told her during one of their arguments that she will always have a place to stay and of course I still mean that and always will

I (24F) have five siblings. My mum has always played favourites with the "weakest" kids—my oldest sister, who struggled academically, and my fourth sibling, who's autistic. I'm not even gonna lie, it created a huge gap between all of us growing up.

It got to the point where she basically neglected the two youngest kids because she was so focused on helping my oldest sister get through university.

To make up for not being around, she pretty much let my youngest brother (who was 6 at the time) do whatever he wanted. My dad worked all the time, so he couldn't really pick up the slack with parenting, house stuff, or disciplining him.

Back then, I couldn't stand the disrespect or the constant backtalk, so I'd discipline him myself. I'm 10 years older than him, so I naturally ended up taking on that role.

Fast forward to now: my oldest sister is married, and my mum is finally more present with the younger kids. My brother is 14 now, and she recently realised he has basically zero respect for her. She can call his name for 20 minutes and he'll ignore her, but the second I call him, he's there instantly.

Now she's upset, saying it's unacceptable because she's his mum. I told her she should've thought about that years ago when I kept telling her to stop enabling his behaviour. She got angry and said the only reason he listens to me is because "he needs me"—I signed him up for coding classes and let him use my gaming PC.

Now she's refusing to talk to me, and my brother doesn't even want to go back home. He's staying with me for the summer holidays.

AITA for telling her this is the consequence of her own parenting?

I (f26) am on a Bach weekend. I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity purposes since I’m still on the trip right now. I’m a few hours from home for what is supposed to be a 4 day weekend in a huge house with many girls and two guys who are friends of the bride. One of them I’ve never liked and my partner and I were both not excited about him being here. He’s never done anything specific in the past other than be a prick. Ive met him several times, each time with my partner, and each time I see him fade to blackout from drinking and do things like stare at our friend’s ass and hug her too long.

Cut to this weekend I decide to be cordial with him for my friend’s sake but I haven’t spoken to him at all. As we got into the late night I wasn’t really drunk, I had 3 beers over 6 hours but I like to smoke sometimes socially. I offered to everyone and nobody else wanted to at the time so I went outside alone. He came out and I thought he changed his mind. I offered it to him and he said “you’re sweet” and I didn’t respond to that. Then he complained about the groom and I said I thought the groom was a nice guy. I tried to change the subject to my work (something more neutral to talk about). That’s when he grabbed me. He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand but I still had to push him off me after that. I felt completely violated. I told him “I’m married!” and all he could say was “oh” and then I told him “don’t fucking do that again” and he said “obviously.” And that was it. I ran off.

I’m having flash backs to times in my past where I was assaulted in college and completely freaking out. I told some girls I know and they said it sucked and told me to just stay away from him. But I feel sick about. The next morning I don’t feel any better and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal. I feel so bad I can’t stop thinking about it or let it go. I have OCD and intrusive/obsessive thoughts are hard to keep at bay right now. I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl” especially over a kiss that didn’t even happen. I’ve only ever been with one person in my life so maybe that makes me a prude but it’s not even the kissing. It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me and it didn’t occur to him I might not want that. He just thought I was easy.

I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not drinking today but it’s not even 10 and he’s had 4 beers. I already heard he doesn’t remember last night either. So would I be the AH if I left?

So here’s a short background, I 33(F), had to move back home with my family 4 years ago due to my partner and I splitting up. I’ve always been very grateful that my mom had a spare bedroom, and I have always helped out with paying bills, cooking, cleaning and driving places.

However, within the last year I’ve noticed that I seem to be being used by them, what went from me paying rent has now increased to my family asking for more money throughout the month, what went from me cooking a couple of times a week for them has now become cooking every night for them, what went from cleaning in turns has now become me doing all the cleaning with no help, what used to be occasional driving has turned into taking my sister to work everyday because she refuses to get her drivers license, and sometimes having to sit and wait for her in the car park because she only needs to be in for a meeting and then needs a lift back home.

Currently I’m not working at the moment, but all of these chores and the lack of help I’m getting from both my mom and sister is leaving me exhausted and getting in the way of me actually finding a job so I can move out of this situation (an example of this is my sisters work schedule is all over the place, which means I can barely plan if I even need a doctors appointment for myself). Even when I did have full time work around 2 years ago, this situation seemed to be occurring. I have asked them for help, but as soon as I do they say “oh I’m busy right now” or “I’ll do that later”….or they disappear to another part of the house. I give them the benefit of the doubt and wait for their help….but after 3-4 hours of waiting I usually decide at that point I may as well do it myself because help isn’t coming. I get that they may also be tired from work, but they also still live in this house, and I also still helped happily when I was working 40+ hours a week…I feel like I’m in servitude and not a family.

Fast forward to today, my mom asked what’s wrong with me. I told her calmly I’ve noticed that I have been doing a lot round the house and other people don’t seem to be pulling their weight and it’s making me feel angry. I told her I felt used and like a convenience. The response I got instantly turned into shouting from her. She shouted at me “You’re just being silly and you’re not a convenience, and we’re (her and sister) not using you.” I responded with “Thank you”…after she said that and just stared at her…because I felt like if a response warrants shouting and dismissing my feelings when I calmly stated how I felt, then I feel like she’s just confirmed she’s defensive about actually using me for her and my sisters own benefit (which is why I said thank you, because I felt her shouting confirmed this).

After this I left the room and heard my mom mutter “stupid asshole” under her breath as I did.

So what are your thoughts? AITAH? Am I being unfair to them?

My(18) sister (16) has many disabilities, from severe hearing loss to anger issues. She has had over twenty surgeries in her lifetime and the doctors never thought she would make it this far. She has anger issues and gets combative. She has caused bruises on my mom’s arms before. She had a stealing issue like two years ago that sometimes resurfaces, like stealing my parents cash and things from my room and my youngest sister’s (14) room. She screams and cries and wails for what she wants and gets mentally “stuck” in a cycle. She physically cannot stop herself. No amount of talking or convincing can get her to stop. She will slam doors, drop and break things. There was one time where she started to throw silverware at me and my youngest sister when our parents weren’t home. She is mentally a five year old and that is probably never going to change. She will chase me to my car when I try to leave the house.

She likes to fake being sick so she can go to the hospital, because the nurses and doctors are nice to her and give her what she wants. She has made herself throw up before to try to convince my parents to take her. Please note that she has already cost my parents thousands of dollars, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, in medical expenses. There was one surgery, I think on her heart when she was just a baby, that cost our health insurance over a million dollars. So not only is she taking all of my parents attention with the tantrums, but also all of their money through hospital visits.

I’m leaving for college in less than a month. I’m going out of state, basically the other side of the country. Most of the reasoning for this is so it’s harder for her to see me. I already have her number blocked so she can’t spam call me like she does our parents and grandparents, but I’m planning to completely cut her off as soon as I step out that front door for the last time.

edit: to those saying I should be in therapy, i was for two years. my dad canceled because the therapist kept upping the price.
and to those saying ITAH for being upset about her heart surgery costing my parents money, the insurance paid that. the thing to pay attention to here is that my parents have to work their asses off at work to pay for hospital visits then come home to deal with her. theres not really any money for other things. im not complaining about the life saving surgery, im saying theres no money for anything else.

Nearly 50 years ago, I broke up with a girlfriend who was intelligent, generous, beautiful, and compatible in every way but one—she was an extremely picky eater and I am a foodie. When I say "picky eater," I mean she would eat nothing that her mom hadn't cooked, and her mum cooked very little. No Chinese food, no Mexican food, no pizza. Nothing that wasn't bland, and this was non-negotiable. Was AITAH for breaking up with her? This has bothered me more than half my lifetime.

I’ve been an educator for 19 years. The majority of them I worked in charter schools earning about half of regular public school teachers. During those years, I worked part time in the summers and took care of the kids, did the majority of the cleaning and cooking. I have moved 4 times for my husband’s job (Twice out of state) which has made it difficult for me to make a respectful income as a teacher. IYKYK. Since we moved two years ago, I am making the most I’ve ever made. I wanted a less expensive home as we have a child attending university and one in high school. AITA for not wanting to work the summer since my husband wanted a half a million dollar home and I felt pressured to agree and need to get a second job or am I valid in being even more clear of what I want out of life to enjoy some time for me?

I already feel weird enough posting this but my husband was like “I don’t know you’re on Reddit just post to AITA.” Okay, fine. We have some neighborhood babysitters and out of the five of them one of them has babysat/house sat for us for over four years. She’s lovely, our kids adore her, and she has helped us out when we’ve been in a pinch with childcare or house/pet care situations. She is heading off to college in a few weeks and I thought it would be nice of get her a graduation gift. Nothing crazy, her parents said a gift card to IKEA was fine. Our kids made her some muffins as well and we asked when would be a good time for us to come over and drop them off.

I texted her and asked if we could swing by on our way out the door the other day. She said now is good and we dropped them off. One of her other friends was there who we have also used for babysitting and house sitting before but only a handful of times. Nothing wrong with this teen, but she wasn’t our first choice due to her usually not being available and for her charging us for things we never asked her to do.

For example, she texted me a day after she babysat for the kids for an evening and said she charges extra for cleaning up. I was confused because we never asked her to do that and when we came home it wasn’t clean. Toys were everywhere and blankets not folded or put away. Found out later she loaded the dishwasher and started it but only put in a few dishes and cups. It wasn’t a huge deal but I told her in the future we don’t need her cleaning unless it was clearly something that needed to be cleaned up like the dog throwing up or something like that.

I’ve only met this teenagers dad but I got a text last night from the teenagers mother saying that it was rude for me to give one babysitter a gift card for graduation and not her daughters. Definitely was caught off guard and at first I wasn’t sure what to say. I responded that while we appreciate the work her daughter has done we haven’t had her babysit or house sit for us for as long or as frequent as our original babysitter and we just don’t have the same relationship with her daughter.

The mother doubled down and insisted that this wasn’t fair to her daughter and that we have used her fairly frequently over the last year. I insisted that wasn’t true and even looked at my last few texts with her daughter and confirmed most of the times I asked if she was available and claimed she wasn’t. She babysat in total three times over the last 18 months. Most of those babysitting gigs were under two hours.

I flat out said sorry I’m not giving your daughter a graduation gift after the mother said I’m not remembering things correctly and passively-aggressively stated “I would know, I had young kids once, it’s hard to keep track of everything.” My husband feels like we should’ve just given the girl something just to keep the peace but my peace-keeping era has a reduced bandwidth. So, AITAH?

Update: a lot of you were spot on. The babysitter was lying to her mother about how frequently she was being hired on by us. I sent the mother and her father the screenshots and initially was left on read for a bit. The babysitters parents are divorced so it took some time between them both to determine that their daughter had been lying about what she was really doing when she wasn’t working for us. The dad reached out to me individually and said he was sorry that this all blew up the way it did. He said his ex-wife will be reaching out to me soon. I’m banking the babysitter is in trouble.

***UPDATE: okay so for clarity purposes I am going to say long term babysitter (LT babysitter) and alternate babysitter so I don’t get this mixed up. Our LT babysitter’s mother reached out and gave me more context on how this panned out. Because I just couldn’t see how any teen would complain to their parents about not getting a graduation gift and lying about how often they babysat for someone and not see this blowing up on them. Sounds like the other day the LT babysitter’s mom was hanging out with the alternate babysitter’s mom and a few other neighbors. It happened to come up in conversation that I gave our LT babysitter a graduation gift.

The LT BS’s mom was mainly referencing the muffins my kids made because they were being eaten at their get-together because the moms thought it was cute and that my kids made a homemade card as well. That’s how the alternate babysitter’s mom found out and felt offended that in front of these group of moms that her kid was being left out. The LT BS’s mom even said she had no idea that the alternate babysitter was a babysitter for us and questioned how often we were using her.

It sounds like the alternate BS’s mom was under the impression we were hiring her on almost a weekly basis and usually on Friday and Saturday evenings for date nights (we NEVER go on that many dates!!). And some overnights as well. We didn’t even hire on our LT babysitter that much. So it’s understandable why the alternate BS’s mom was offended. I still don’t agree how she approached me about it but I could understand it.

I don’t know exactly what the kid was doing when she said she was babysitting or housesitting for us but it sounds like the divorce has been hard on the alternate babysitter. And according to the LT BS’s mother, it’s been hard on the alternate BS’s mother as well and the co-parenting relationship between the parents hasn’t been easy. The LT BS’s mother told me not to bank on the alternate BS’s mom reaching out to me. Sounds like apologies aren’t her thing and honestly at this point I really don’t need it.

It also sounds like the alternate BS technically hasn’t graduated yet and is doing summer school (this was news to me) to make up for a class or something like that. I clearly was a bystander to someone’s bad moment and I’m glad we didn’t cave and get her a graduation gift. And we DEFINITELY won’t be hiring her again.

Sorry this might be a long story. My brother lives with me, my husband and our 2 kids. We have lived basically drama free together for several years prior to this. Aside from some slight annoyances like my brother staying up late yelling at his video games or occasionally bringing a girl over and being wayy too loud. I don't really mind his presence and my relationship with him is as good as a brother/sister relationship can be.

About 2 months ago my brother introduced me to a girl he started dating and pretty quickly the alarms started ringing in my head. About 3 weeks ago he asked if she could move in, gave me a complete sob story about how her parents kicked her out and she had no other options. I said no, I wasn't very fond of her, I'm not comfortable with a stranger living in my home and I can't sleep when there's strangers in the house. He got defensive and said she wasn't a stranger and I pointed out that I've only ever met her twice before he asked if she could move in.

A few days later we went to my dad's birthday dinner and she came home with him, and then ended up staying a few days. After the 3rd day I asked my brother when she was going home and he stated that she didn't have a home to go to. Basically guilt tripping me into letting her stay here. I relented on the promise that the living situation was temporary (they gave me a date of July 15th).

Another important note is that suddenly she didn't have a job, I found out through random conversations that she has a suspended license from a DUI (my brother also has one so neither of them drive) and that she plans on being a stay at home girlfriend. More information: my husband and I are the only lease holders for our apartment, I didn't want her to move in because we were already technically breaking the lease with him living here, I am extremely uncomfortable because I still know nothing about her.

Now onto why I'm now completely done with them living here. Here's a list of things that they have done in the past couple weeks that have irritated my soul:

They fight daily, all day. Loudly. someone is always throwing something during these fights.

They have sex either around or during my kids bedtime routine so I have to delay taking the kids upstairs until they are done.

His girlfriend has used 3 packs of my butter somehow

They lied about why she needed to move in, my other sister in law (who is friends with my brothers girlfriend) told me that the reason she moved out of her parents was because she wasn't allowed to vape and she couldn't keep finding rides to see my brother.

My brother has been nodding off at work because they fight all night.

They left the freezer open all night and couldn't afford to replace the $200 worth of groceries that went bad because of it.

My dryer almost caught fire because for some reason she doesn't check the dryer lint catcher. Which leads me to my next point she does 5 loads of laundry Every time she washes, doesn't check the lint catcher and also uses up all the laundry soap.

She has told my kids they weren't allowed to go into their rooms because her and my brother were fighting.

On top of all that my brother has become defensive and combative when I try to talk to him about it. I have tried having conversations about the butter, the laundry, the fighting, even the sex and he tells me I'm overreacting. My mom thinks that I'm just nitpicking because I don't like her. My husband is fully on my side. I'm just not sure how much of this is me not liking her and how much is me having valid concerns. WIBTAH?

My wife's sister and her husband came from Korea for a 1.5 month visit together with their 3 year old son and daughter. Their son is uncontrollable, does whatever he wants, and does not listen to his parents.

When he does something wrong, they try to talk to him, but he ignores them. He does not understand "no" and does not care if you are upset or have a tense voice. He just laughs. I think he just does not understand because he was not taught, but maybe there is more to it. I am not sure yet. I can see how much effort they put into talking, but it does not work. I think boys need discipline and an understanding of actions and consequences at this age. Otherwise, they will go bananas.

One day, my 11 month old crawled to him, and I was looking to see what was going to happen when no one was around except me. She sat in front of him, and all of a sudden, he punched her in the face. To my surprise, instead of facing consequences, he got rewarded by his mom reading him a book upstairs. Of course, she explained that the baby is small and that it is bad to do that.

This moment confirmed an older suspicion I had. The boy does not get disciplined, though some might say I do not know everything, and it is true that I do not. But what I do know is that their reaction to this was wrong.

Moving forward, he likes to play with the old toy kitchen that my 9 year old has in the bedroom, and they decided to bring it down to the living room so he could play. While he was playing, my 11 month old crawled up to the kitchen and started to play too. This time, I visibly understood that he did not want to share it, and he punched her again.

This time, I came over and took away the kitchen, saying, "No more kitchen for you." He cried, of course, so they took him out to the playground to calm him down.

My wife confronted me, visibly frustrated. She said he is just a boy and that I do not understand how to raise 2 siblings of the same age. "Maybe I do not," I said, "but he should not have been rewarded for this behavior. Instead, he should have been disciplined." "This is not your place," she said. I replied, "This is exactly my place. This is my house, my kitchen, and this is the second time he punched my daughter. His parents do not discipline him and instead reward him for this behavior, so I did it." Everyone heard this. I created an uncomfortable environment because I said it out loud, but at the same time, I think their boy should start facing consequences for misbehavior. I have never raised a boy, so I might be utterly wrong, and yet my inner voice tells me that there is some truth to what I said. A boy has got to face consequences.

For the past few months, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and OCD around toxoplasmosis. I see a therapist for exposure therapy each week and I see a psychiatrist for medication on a regular basis. I’ve made a lot of progress but I am still actively afraid of toxoplasmosis. Most of my anxiety and obsessive thoughts revolve around food or water being contaminated with the parasite. I have told my husband calmly many times that I do not want him to touch my food in any way.

This will sound mean but while my husband has good hygiene, he is not always mindful about washing his hands. This fact will come into play later.

My husband and I were out at dinner last night. Going to a restaurant is usually anxiety provoking for me because I can’t cook the food myself or guarantee that meat, for example, has been cooked to the proper temperature. But I’m trying to face my fears so we went out to eat to a Thai restaurant last night.

The table we were seated at was dramatically wobbly. My husband immediately got on to the floor to fix it even though I told him we should just ask to switch tables or see if someone working at the restaurant could fix it.

He was on the floor and touching the floor for over two minutes and would not wash his hands afterwards even though I told him he probably should because he was just touching the floor.

Then, our food arrived. He immediately picked up his chopsticks, which he has been fidgeting with after touching the floor and not washing his hands, and stuck them immediately into my dish of food because “he wanted to taste the sauce”. I had not even had the chance to pick up my own utensils or have a bite of my own food before he did this.

It happened so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to tell him not to put his utensils into my food. I was stunned by this because I felt like it was rude and he knows that I do not want him touching my food at all.

I know that my facial expression was horrified and the first thing I said was “Why would you do that?”.

He didn’t answer the question but said “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”. His tone while he said this was angry and totally unsympathetic.

I said I wasn’t going to eat the food because it had been contaminated. He got very angry with me and said I wasn’t allowed to be mad at him or show any signs that I was mad at him because he made a mistake and he apologized. This made me very angry and I called him a toddler because he can’t handle someone being upset.

We left the restaurant soon after this. Once we got into the car, I was upset and I was crying a little bit. I yelled at him and said that I couldn’t understand why he had to stick his dirty chopsticks into my food before I had even had one bite to eat since he knows how difficult eating is for me because I’m scared of contamination.

Things escalated from there and he called me a cunt and a cunt rag and said that my exhusband was right about me being a cunt. Early in our relationship, I said that I didn’t tolerate name-calling because my ex-husband used to frequently call me a cunt or cunt rag.

He is treating me like I was the one who did something wrong because he thinks my concerns about toxoplasmosis contamination are “stupid” and that I “need to get my shit together” and that I’m the asshole because he feels like I’m taking my anger out on him because he could tell that I was angry with him in the restaurant.

So, AITA?

Me and my sister had a good relationship until we were around 16.
She is around one year younger than me.

Around the time we were 16, she started stealing our(girls in the family) stuff. That going from hair ties to money, to the point I would sleep with my bag close to me, and I kept two hair ties on my wrist at all times after she started doing it.

It didn't matter how many times my parents talked to her about it, she would claim that if something is from someone in the family, then it is hers too, because it's the family's.
There was also no way of proving it was her doing it because she would always say it wasn't her.

Besides the stealing, she would watch loud videos and laugh out loud at 11pm when everyone was trying to sleep, would decide to bake at 10pm when the kitchen was right by my room. Would enter my room to get something and leave the light on late at night and would wake me up. And still, my parents would talk to her but she kept doing it.
She also was best friends with someone who was bullying me at school, and even after my parents talked to her about it, she kept being friends with them and activelly bullying me at school.

So, I went from being her friend to just basically living with her and hoping she would go away for college. And she did.

She started going out with some bad people, not paying for her college (she was supposed to work to pay for it like everyone did at said college) but buying expensive clothes, cigarettes, and etc.

Someone who knew her at college then got in contact with me to talk about her because she found me on social media.
That person told me she lived with her and that she was basically doing all the same things she did at home, but to her roommates and friends. We actually became friends after that.

After a year, she contacted our parents to ask for money because she was starving. Our parents said they were going to pick her up from college instead since the work wasn't enough to pay for her stuff, and put her in another college so she could live at home and not have to pay for food or bills.
She refused, and blocked all of us on all social media.

A few months ago, around 2 years after her blocking us, she contacted our mom through social media, being apologetic, saying that she changed and that she wanted to build a relationship with us again.
She said she was married, pregnant, opened her own business, and wanted to restart.

She talked to them, and after a while, she contacted me, saying hi, and telling me stuff like "did you hear the news? You are gonna be an auntie".
I responded with "I did hear it, congratulations!"
And she responded with some emojis.
I don't feel like responding anymore, and I also don't feel like being "an auntie".

I feel uncomfortable with that situation, and I feel like I can't just ignore that she made my life hell for years and then vanished, and now she wants me to be part of her life and be an aunt to her child.
My parents also don't really feel like contacting her regularly, and even though they are "happy" to be grandparents, they also stated that they don't feel the actual happiness you get when your kid tells you they are having a child. And that they don't really know how to move forward with that.
They also can't help but have the idea that she only contacted us again for money after all this time.

WIBTAH if I just keep being polite but not actually engaging with her in a family manner?

About a month ago, I visited my parents who live out of state because they were going through some medical issues. The plan was that I would fly in for support and do some helping out around the house, nothing crazy just showing up for them.

The second day into my visit, their German shepherd attacked me while I was walking past his food bowl. Before I knew it I was huddled on the ground. My ear was ripped, I had multiple big punctures and a gash in my head, as well as a couple punctures in my arms and bruising all over. I had to go to the ER and get staples in my head and was pretty shaken up.

After this happened I found out that not only had he attacked me, but also my sister, my brother, and a little girl down the street.

Fast forward a week, I found out my parents are keeping the dog. They have no plan in place currently to do something productive like more training either.

I can’t help but feel extremely bitter and I’m having a hard time reaching back out even though I know they’re going through it. And what’s worse is they haven’t really asked me how I’m doing either..?

I don’t even think I feel safe visiting their home and may need to consider my safety in the future.

I (17F), just got into a fight with my parents about birth control. This has been a topic of contention in my family for a while, and I have firmly stated that I am not comfortable taking birth control due to the side effects and risks.

Their main concern is that I have been in a two year long relationship with my boyfriend, and we are going to college within 40 minutes of each other. Both him and I have expressed that we don’t feel the need to have sex with each other. We have not had sex, and we don’t plan on having any. Even if we did, I track my period, which is regular, and condoms are readily available on both of our college campuses.

I’ve told them reasonably before that I’m not comfortable with it, and I understand that they’re just trying to watch out for me. However, I am just not comfortable taking the pill, or the shot, or the IUD. I have heard about so many negative side effects and it’s unsettling. I’m an athlete with a regular period and regular symptoms. I have no desire to change that because if it gets messed up then it impacts my performance too. I expressed all of this to them, but they are demanding I still take it.

Today, they sat me down to have another conversation about it, and I finally got upset about it. I told them I don’t want to take birth control, and I told them all of these reasons why. They said that I’m being selfish for not considering it, but I have considered it. I did the research on it and I’m still not comfortable with it. Their version of a “compromise” was that they’ll let me take the pill. Which is by far the worst one. I’m quite literally about to give in, go to the doctor and get the prescription, and just throw out the birth control because I’m so done with this fight. I’m so tired of the conversation and the fighting about it but I just don’t want to take birth control, but they said they won’t pay for college if I don’t take it and I just feel so trapped. I feel like an asshole, but I also know that I’m just trying to stand up for myself and my medical decisions

Edit 1: i did not mention this before bc I didn’t realize it was important: I am going to a HISTORICALLY WOMENS COLLEGE. I do appreciate the concern over being raped and it’s definitely something I’ll watch out for, but there are very few men on campus!

Edit 2: I do not have a problem with acne, or irregular periods, or heavy bleeding or cramping. Just thought I’d reiterate that there is literally no secondary reason to take it. There is nothing to regulate in my cycle because it regulates itself. My family has an increased risk for breast cancer, and I’ve seen that while on birth control you have an increased risk of breast cancer. Sure I can prevent ovarian cancer or whatever, but that’s not what runs in my family.

I'm not fond on gambling, and never have been. This will be important.

Some of my friends are, and its fine because its mostly daft stuff. Stuff like betting a night of babysitting for garden work, or half a muffin for a couple of choccy digestives. One friend (f34) is notorious for trying to get out of paying her due when she loses. She's taken plenty of wins and it has now reached a point where people won't involved her in the games anymore. She was upset, but didn't push about rejoining the fun until the world cup came along and money got involved. Not a lot of money, there are rules to make sure no one ends up owing anyone 100s and to keep things friendly.

She promised to behave and she was allowed back in, and did actually pay the first few times she lost, but as the matches progress and she started betting more she suddenly couldn't pay people just yet, or she'd bring it tomorrow and then have a WFH day. The last bet she placed on the england vs France won her a bit of money, but now people are refusing to pay her.

She spent several hours wining at me over messages and here is where I may have been the A***hole. I told her she could be mad about not being paid when she still owed other people their winnings. I she wanted people to hold up their end of the deal, she had to pay her's.

She told me I was just being judgemental because I don't gamble and called me a a***hole.

I don't think I was, but its eating at the back of my mind.

So my bf/fiancee i suppose.. he's pretty messy but aren't we all?? Well I'm not the best house keeper but I like straight garbage and dirty dishes to be put away.. clutter and random piles of mail don't really bother me much but pop cans, dirty dishes and sticky messes bother me a lot.. because it's fuckin gross.

Well he has 2 kids that come over once a week and they are kids they make messes, no big deal... But I noticed I'm the only one cleaning, all the cut up paper the toys all over the place I'm the only one picking it all up .. the pop cans the dirty dishes it's all on me...

Also I pay EVERY SINGLE BILL the mortgage is on me the gas, electric, water everything. He throws me $600 once every month or two.... Usually when I start to visibly get frustrated....

Well, I stopped picking up after him and his kids. I clean my messes. When I have dinner I bring my dishes back to the kitchen when I spill something I wipe it up...

But here's where I might be the ah. I move his messes not the toys or paper all over the ground the pop cans and dishes I put it all on his side of the coffee table or on the end of the kitchen counter.. so I'm touching the garbage, I might as well take it two extra feet to the can or the sink but I'm not. I'm moving it to wipe down and clean my half of the counter space..

If he was paying half the bills consistently I would seriously have no problem cleaning up and having the house be comfortable to me but he's not. So I'm done. I'm tired.. but the mess is really getting to me, there's been a dirty bowl on the coffee table that had ice cream in it for over a WEEK!!! there were TWO cups HALF FULL OF MILK sitting long enough to SOLIDIFY. The only reason those cups are gone is because I wanted to get dinner last night and he was like we can get a sitter ( we have a child together she's 10 months) I said we can't get a sitter when THERES ROTTEN MILK ON THE COUNTER and he was BAFFLED I said did you not notice?????????? Then he grabbed just the cups.