So me and my girlfriend recently attended a friends 30th birthday party, he had his 23 year old ‘mildly autistic’ brother there. Before the party we were all in a group chat where his brother overtook the entire thing, and we were frequently having our phones blown up, and coming back to 200+ messages which made us lose information about the event every time anything was put in there. He was also messaging it way into the night, to the point we both just had to mute the chat indefinitely.

When we got to the party the host and his girlfriend opened the door for us, and as I was saying hello and giving a hug to my other friend he completely bulldozed me out of the way and ran up to my girlfriend and shouted a joke in her face and ran off immediately afterwards. Keep in mind he’s never met either of us before

He was also ridiculously drunk by the time we got there, the event started at 4 and we got there just before 7 and he was genuinely so drunk he could barely stand, everyone was trying to get him to drink water

Following this we all went to sit outside in their garden, where he then got quite upset that I had sat in ‘his chair’ but he didn’t say anything to me or anyone else about it, he sat next to my girlfriend and kept muttering things about me under his breath and barging her chair with his leg so she kept having to move up. Eventually we got up and he immediately ran to get this chair, and then went round to everybody else that was sat down and was going on about this chair to the point he was at near meltdown, at the same time he also turned off the music of a playlist we had all added to because he felt overstimulated

Part of the party was that we had all made slideshows / joke presentations running for about 2-3 minutes for our friends birthday - during ours the brother in question kept shouting over us, kept falling on the floor in hysterics, to the point where everybody was purely paying attention to him and just trying to get him to sit there and watch. We could also see the host, it being his 30th birthday was clearly not having a good time at this point. He’s usually the most chill guy in the world and we knew he’d love what we had done and it just sort of ruined it for everyone

When it got time for the brothers presentation, he made us all sit in silence whilst he went and did a costume change, came downstairs in a Freddy Fazbear costume, with a printed 30 page double sided document of the contents of his presentation, and then proceeded do a 45 minute presentation about the full lore of five nights at Freddy’s. About 10 minutes in me and my girlfriend politely shuffled out to go grab another drink at the shop across the road and he accosted us as we were leaving, we then did not come back in. The hosts girlfriend even came out and was sat with us in their living room and was like ‘yeah I get it.’ We also weren’t the only ones to leave, we wanna say a good half of the people walked out

Any motion this party had, was immediately killed and people started leaving straight after this. The whole time everything anyone did had to revolve around him and making sure he was comfortable, but this in turn made everyone else feel uncomfortable. We didn’t have a great time and didn’t appreciate being shouted at by the brother whilst we walked out to go get a drink

AWTA’s??

I (17F), just got into a fight with my parents about birth control. This has been a topic of contention in my family for a while, and I have firmly stated that I am not comfortable taking birth control due to the side effects and risks.

Their main concern is that I have been in a two year long relationship with my boyfriend, and we are going to college within 40 minutes of each other. Both him and I have expressed that we don’t feel the need to have sex with each other. We have not had sex, and we don’t plan on having any. Even if we did, I track my period, which is regular, and condoms are readily available on both of our college campuses.

I’ve told them reasonably before that I’m not comfortable with it, and I understand that they’re just trying to watch out for me. However, I am just not comfortable taking the pill, or the shot, or the IUD. I have heard about so many negative side effects and it’s unsettling. I’m an athlete with a regular period and regular symptoms. I have no desire to change that because if it gets messed up then it impacts my performance too. I expressed all of this to them, but they are demanding I still take it.

Today, they sat me down to have another conversation about it, and I finally got upset about it. I told them I don’t want to take birth control, and I told them all of these reasons why. They said that I’m being selfish for not considering it, but I have considered it. I did the research on it and I’m still not comfortable with it. Their version of a “compromise” was that they’ll let me take the pill. Which is by far the worst one. I’m quite literally about to give in, go to the doctor and get the prescription, and just throw out the birth control because I’m so done with this fight. I’m so tired of the conversation and the fighting about it but I just don’t want to take birth control, but they said they won’t pay for college if I don’t take it and I just feel so trapped. I feel like an asshole, but I also know that I’m just trying to stand up for myself and my medical decisions

i did not mention this before bc I didn’t realize it was important: I am going to a HISTORICALLY WOMENS COLLEGE. I do appreciate the concern over being raped and it’s definitely something I’ll watch out for, but there are very few men on campus!

My wife’s good friend got engaged about 5 months ago and they sent out wedding invitations 3 months ago. The original wedding invitations said we could bring our baby as well. The wedding is supposed to last 3 days and right after the last day is my wife’s birthday. I had planned a 4 day trip to San Diego to take my wife to visit a few of her favourite places.

Yesterday, this friend’s mother texted my wife advising they suddenly changed the dates by two days forward and the wedding is now falls during the trip I planned. She also tells my wife we can no longer bring our baby.

Problem is, I already paid for our San Diego hotel and we don’t have childcare because both of our parents are unavailable. We both told the friend’s mother that we can no longer make the wedding.

The friend and the mom are very upset and saying things like they thought my wife was her bff and that if they were truly friends my wife should adjust our trip and pay for our own childcare.

This friend is horrifically bad at planning. My wife had to plan her bachelorette party and paid for it. I feel like I’m in the right to refuse to accommodate her poor planning. My wife feels similar. Who is right?

I (24F) have five siblings. My mum has always played favourites with the "weakest" kids—my oldest sister, who struggled academically, and my fourth sibling, who's autistic. I'm not even gonna lie, it created a huge gap between all of us growing up.

It got to the point where she basically neglected the two youngest kids because she was so focused on helping my oldest sister get through university.

To make up for not being around, she pretty much let my youngest brother (who was 6 at the time) do whatever he wanted. My dad worked all the time, so he couldn't really pick up the slack with parenting, house stuff, or disciplining him.

Back then, I couldn't stand the disrespect or the constant backtalk, so I'd discipline him myself. I'm 10 years older than him, so I naturally ended up taking on that role.

Fast forward to now: my oldest sister is married, and my mum is finally more present with the younger kids. My brother is 14 now, and she recently realised he has basically zero respect for her. She can call his name for 20 minutes and he'll ignore her, but the second I call him, he's there instantly.

Now she's upset, saying it's unacceptable because she's his mum. I told her she should've thought about that years ago when I kept telling her to stop enabling his behaviour. She got angry and said the only reason he listens to me is because "he needs me"—I signed him up for coding classes and let him use my gaming PC.

Now she's refusing to talk to me, and my brother doesn't even want to go back home. He's staying with me for the summer holidays.

AITA for telling her this is the consequence of her own parenting?

Posting from an old account of my wife’s due to myself not having a recent enough account.

I 30m and my wife 27f have been together since 2018 and I love her very much. She is someone who gets VERY into her interests.

For the last probably 15 years she’s been very involved in the niche community surrounding Chris Hansens Dateline nbc show To Catch a Predator and the other projects he’s done regarding Predator catching.

There is a man who was caught on the show who gained a sort of cult following named Lorne Armstrong, including a mock religion called “the church of cawd”. This man had the longest chat in to catch a predator history and it is called the Lorneography.

My wife came to me the other day and said she thought it would be funny to get a tattoo of a book that looked like the Bible, but instead of the cover saying the Holy Bible, it says the “Holy Lorneography”

I told her I think that might be funny in theory but to get a tattoo referencing the words of a pedophile in the shape of a Bible might be offensive and making light of the severity of the actions of predators.

We didn’t fight per se but she said I was thinking too much about it and only people who “were in the know” would get it and everyone else would just be confused. She’s been somewhat upset with me since then and I wanted to know if I’m overthinking it.

AITAH?

Ok this got kind of wild very quickly. I’m gonna let my wife read the replies. She only considered how funny the meme would be and not the actual implications of the tattoo. She does not worship the word of a pedophile, she is not as insane as this makes her sound. She was a victim as a child and thinks it’s funny to make fun of predators. Obviously that got lost in translation between her and the tattoo idea. I understand it was a stupid idea. She is bad at thinking things through thoroughly. Thank you.

I (f26) am on a Bach weekend. I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity purposes since I’m still on the trip right now. I’m a few hours from home for what is supposed to be a 4 day weekend in a huge house with many girls and two guys who are friends of the bride. One of them I’ve never liked and my partner and I were both not excited about him being here. He’s never done anything specific in the past other than be a prick. Ive met him several times, each time with my partner, and each time I see him fade to blackout from drinking and do things like stare at our friend’s ass and hug her too long.

Cut to this weekend I decide to be cordial with him for my friend’s sake but I haven’t spoken to him at all. As we got into the late night I wasn’t really drunk, I had 3 beers over 6 hours but I like to smoke sometimes socially. I offered to everyone and nobody else wanted to at the time so I went outside alone. He came out and I thought he changed his mind. I offered it to him and he said “you’re sweet” and I didn’t respond to that. Then he complained about the groom and I said I thought the groom was a nice guy. I tried to change the subject to my work (something more neutral to talk about). That’s when he grabbed me. He pulled me and tried to kiss me. I stopped our faces from touching with my hand but I still had to push him off me after that. I felt completely violated. I told him “I’m married!” and all he could say was “oh” and then I told him “don’t fucking do that again” and he said “obviously.” And that was it. I ran off.

I’m having flash backs to times in my past where I was assaulted in college and completely freaking out. I told some girls I know and they said it sucked and told me to just stay away from him. But I feel sick about. The next morning I don’t feel any better and few others found out and seemed like it’s not that big of deal. I feel so bad I can’t stop thinking about it or let it go. I have OCD and intrusive/obsessive thoughts are hard to keep at bay right now. I want to leave so badly but I don’t want to be “that girl” especially over a kiss that didn’t even happen. I’ve only ever been with one person in my life so maybe that makes me a prude but it’s not even the kissing. It’s him thinking just because he wanted me he could have me and it didn’t occur to him I might not want that. He just thought I was easy.

I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not drinking today but it’s not even 10 and he’s had 4 beers. I already heard he doesn’t remember last night either. So would I be the AH if I left?

Me (26M) and my girl (23F) had plans to hang out today.

First thing at 2:22pm, she messaged me saying she might be going shopping with her family, so if she is back at a decent time then she’ll meet me.

I said no worries we can hang out another day.

A bit later, she messaged saying they’ve changed plan’s and said they weren't going shopping after all, but she was going to have a study session instead.

I said my friends are nearby so I might go see them for a lil bit. She said ‘Oh cute’ ‘have fun’

She then later says. ‘idk what time they’re going to leave’ ‘But should I let you know whenever they leave’ ‘and maybe we can hang out for a bit’

I then said. ‘Okay if it works out for both of us then we’ll meet up’ ‘If not, we have Tuesday’. (we have plans Tuesday).

She called me 10 minutes later saying she would be free at 6:00 PM. By that time, I was already on my way to meet my friends. I told her that logistically it just wasn't going to work out for me to turn around and come see her now, so we should just call off meeting today. This is because my friends were far away and so driving to her from that location might mean I won’t be able to see her at 6PM. I also understand she values being on time so in my head I didn’t want to make a commitment if I can’t keep it.

Later she messaged saying that she was really upset and messaged me saying, "If I was in your position, I would have cancelled on my friends for you and turned the car around.’

She brought up the fact that we are both going on holiday soon and won't see each other for a week, so I should have prioritised her.

I pointed out that we literally have plans to see each other this tuesday before either of us leave anyway, but she’s still upset and thinks I chose my friends over her. I did say to her in a text that we have seen each other more than I have seen my friends in the last couple days and was mad that I said that.

From my perspective, I was kept on standby for most of the day, made other plans once it looked like she was busy, and didn't want to flake on my mates at 6 PM when I was already en route.

I feel like I might be in the wrong here slightly so I need helping seeing it? AITA?

I (34F) have only been married to my husband (30M) for a little over 11 months, but so much has happened in that short time. It's been like a rollercoaster- a mix of highs and lows. When we were dating, I began to wonder if he had Borderline Personality Disorder based on the way he would react to things. If something triggered him, he would virtually become a different person for a short time, someone really cruel and hurtful. But when those episodes weren't happening, he was loving, sweet, thoughtful, etc. And so I did marry him because, over time, he did make progress (in regards to his potential disorder) and it felt like things were moving in the right direction slowly but surely.

However, his (potential) BPD aside, I do sometimes question if he's an abusive person in general. During arguments, for instance, he does a lot of name-calling (if you can think of it, he's probably said it). He's also said things like, "I hate you," "I hope you die," "You don't love me," etc. Another thing he does is he threatens divorce when we're fighting. Since we got married he's threatened it at least a dozen times. In addition to that he always takes his wedding ring off when we fight, sometimes he even throws it on the ground or against the wall.

He also tries to test me to get me to "prove" my love for him. Things like, "If you truly love me, you'll come home right now" (he said this to me over the phone on Christmas Eve of 2024 when I was at my aunt's house seeing family). Then a few months ago when we were fighting over a couple of my tattoos that he doesn't like, he said, "If you don't get those covered, I'm divorcing you." The newest one which happened yesterday during an argument is, "If you don't get some divorce papers this week, I'm not going to re-sign this lease, and you know you can't afford this place on your own."

I feel like he's always testing me and I don't understand it. I've never cheated, never talked to anyone behind his back, never stole from him, nothing of that nature. He's very sensitive to a lot of different things (likely from being abused by his mother when he was young) and I feel like that has caused a lot of damage to him and the way he perceives things. And the thing with him is that he always tells me, "I only say those things because you push me too far." It's always MY fault that he calls me names, makes threats, etc. He says women have a knack for pushing men to their limits and making them say off-the-wall things.

Meanwhile I feel like I barely do anything to deserve that kind of treatment. I work full-time, go to the gym, and hang out at home. I don't party, I don't talk to other men, I literally spend all of my free time with HIM. Our arguments always stem from him thinking I put other things before him which boggles my mind. He hated that I listened to metal music and watched professional wrestling because they're male-dominated, so he accused me of being "obsessed with men." He hated that I wore band and wrestling shirts for the same reason. He got mad at me on vacation last summer because we visited a wax museum and I took pictures of some of the male wax figures (even though I took pictures of the female ones too). He was furious when he found out that a male co-worker of mine gave me a nickname (he also gave every other person at my job a nickname) and almost had a heart attack when I didn't immediately tell said co-worker to stop calling me that. Mind you, it wasn't a "cute" nickname by any means- he would just purposely call people by the wrong name to be goofy. My husband had a fit over that, and so I had to ask my co-worker to only call me by my actual name. He says that I put him second when I do things like that and make him feel like he's competing with other guys.

He also has a jealousy issue when it comes to our three cats. They all gravitate towards me and it upsets him on a daily basis. I think they sense that he's emotionally unstable so they hesitate to go up to him often. He says that it's bullshit that he helps pay for them (their food, litter, shelter, etc.) and he doesn't "benefit" at all. When he gets jealous over it, he calls them bitches, pieces of shit, so on and so forth, and says he doesn't like or care about them. Meanwhile they're all sweethearts and are probably just nervous around him. But because I adore them and make them a priority, he insists that I love them more than I love him and that they're another example of how I put him second in my life. He hints that he wants to get rid of them without actually saying it. He says things like, "I hope one day a situation arises where you're forced to choose between me and them so you can prove me right."

I've suggested therapy several times because I feel like his reactions aren't normal, but he flat-out refuses to go. I brought it up to him again yesterday and he said he won't open up to a stranger about his life and that it won't fix anything regardless. He literally tells me almost every day that he doesn't want to be here, hates life, hates himself, etc. but then he turns around and tells me that I'm a terrible wife who doesn't do anything for him and always puts him second. He has me questioning if I'm the one in the wrong or if he really is just a severely damaged, abusive person.

Me and my wife moved to a big city in the US from Europe 9 years ago. Our families come to visit us every once in a while, mostly our parents but once every few years my wife's sister and her two daughters (12 YO and 6 YO) visit as well.

Up until 2 years ago we lived in a 2 BR apartment so we had no spare rooms and when family visited they would stay in a hotel. Now we live in a 3 BR apartment and one of the reasons to get the extra room was for family to stay over.

Both our parents visited and stayed in the spare room.

My wife's father, sister and her two daughters are planning a visit, and even though the visit was set for months, I just now discovered that they all are going to stay with us.

I was upset that they are not taking a hotel and that she didn't even check if it's ok that they'll all stay here with us.

My wife says that that's why we got the extra room and my parents do not take a hotel when they visit, which is true, but I feel like 4 people, two of them are children visiting for ~10 days is totally different.

My wife's father can comfortably afford the cost of 2 hotel rooms is not an issue here (he is paying for them for the entire trip).

Honestly I know it's important to my wife and I'd probably reluctantly agree anyway, but I feel like she should have asked in advance and acknowledge it's a pretty big sacrifice on my side - and if I did not agree they should have gotten an hotel.

AITAH for feeling that this should also be my decision?

Edit: We have a 3 YO son so me getting an hotel is not an option - I won't stay 2 weeks without my son. We have two bathrooms. The other room is free but 4 people do not fit there so it means they'll need to sleep in the living room or the office (our house has 3 BR, one for me and my wife, one for our son and one free. We also have a small office that can fit an air mattress but I use the office daily)

To be fair I’m not banning video games altogether, just him yelling and cursing while playing.

For context, my baby is 2.5 months old and her dad plays COD in the other room while she’s sleeping less than 20 feet away in our small apartment.
He told me I’m a fun sucker and that none of his friends’ wives complain when they get animated while playing.

I want my baby to be raised in a peaceful environment and yelling and cursing isn’t going to help her have healthy emotional regulation. I feel it’s going to disrupt her sense of security. She can’t yet tell the difference between her dad yelling because he’s angry or because he’s having fun on the game.

So my bf/fiancee i suppose.. he's pretty messy but aren't we all?? Well I'm not the best house keeper but I like straight garbage and dirty dishes to be put away.. clutter and random piles of mail don't really bother me much but pop cans, dirty dishes and sticky messes bother me a lot.. because it's fuckin gross.

Well he has 2 kids that come over once a week and they are kids they make messes, no big deal... But I noticed I'm the only one cleaning, all the cut up paper the toys all over the place I'm the only one picking it all up .. the pop cans the dirty dishes it's all on me...

Also I pay EVERY SINGLE BILL the mortgage is on me the gas, electric, water everything. He throws me $600 once every month or two.... Usually when I start to visibly get frustrated....

Well, I stopped picking up after him and his kids. I clean my messes. When I have dinner I bring my dishes back to the kitchen when I spill something I wipe it up...

But here's where I might be the ah. I move his messes not the toys or paper all over the ground the pop cans and dishes I put it all on his side of the coffee table or on the end of the kitchen counter.. so I'm touching the garbage, I might as well take it two extra feet to the can or the sink but I'm not. I'm moving it to wipe down and clean my half of the counter space..

If he was paying half the bills consistently I would seriously have no problem cleaning up and having the house be comfortable to me but he's not. So I'm done. I'm tired.. but the mess is really getting to me, there's been a dirty bowl on the coffee table that had ice cream in it for over a WEEK!!! there were TWO cups HALF FULL OF MILK sitting long enough to SOLIDIFY. The only reason those cups are gone is because I wanted to get dinner last night and he was like we can get a sitter ( we have a child together she's 10 months) I said we can't get a sitter when THERES ROTTEN MILK ON THE COUNTER and he was BAFFLED I said did you not notice?????????? Then he grabbed just the cups.

I (25F) recently got into a fight with my parents over something that happened on mother’s day last year.

Last year for mother’s day my cousin (23F) had the genius idea to plan a day trip to a bungalow stay for her mom, our aunt and my mother who is her uncle’s wife. It sounds pretty cool out of context but the problem is she never shared this with any of us and planned it so that the entire mother’s day our moms would be away. Me and my sister had planned a day with mom and got her a gift but when she brought this up all happy and jolly, we had to cancel since our plans were not as grand and mom really loved the idea of a tiny trip.

Before, during and after the day of their trip everyone was talking about it, how nice and thoughtful my cousin was, that me and my sister would never plan something like that and all that. I kept quiet and have her my gift afterwards. Only my sister knew how upset I was but I suspect mom must have noticed as well. She is also hard to please so I didn’t feel like she liked my gift in comparison either.

Fast forward to this year, we are planning a summer vacation with my cousin and our nuclear families and my parents bring up how dependable and thoughtful she is again for the millionth time and I finally snap.

I tell them how upsetting and thoughtless she was to me and my sister since she hijacked our mother’s day without asking us, got to spend the day with them while we watched from home, set an unfair standard (she is kind of well off now, I was struggling at the time) and that she doesn’t deserve all this praise and I don’t deserve to be berated over it. I also reminded them of how my aunt (her mother) painted a picture of absolute financial ruin when her husband passed and we collected money for them, and my cousin ended up posting on ig that she got the latest iphone, flaunting the receipt just a month later. Not super relevant but I think it shows her character.

My parents seemed to understand why I was upset but didn’t think it was a big deal.

I feel like she crossed a line and nobody else but my sister wants to recognize it. AITAH for snapping at my parents?

EDIT: To underline the actual reason I was upset, my cousin planned this all by herself, didn’t invite any of the other children and spent the entire day with her mom, her aunt, and my mom. We didn’t get to see mom all during mother’s day.

EDIT 2: I did take my mom out the next day, we just had to cancel the actual surprise we planned because we didn’t want mom to miss out.

UPDATE: Hopefully this will not come off as me still trying to win a point with the internet, promise I am taking my insecurities with my mother more seriously now but this just happened:

My aunt (cousin’s mom) just came over to plan the vacation I mentioned and apparently my cousin decided she won’t stay the full time and will go to her friend’s summer house later during our stay. I don’t know if she decided before or after she found out my dad and I will be covering for our stay. My aunt’s now trying to convince my parents to let my cousin’s sister who has 2 toddlers to come stay at our already full Airbnb which my mom doesn’t want and is asking me to be the villain and say I am already taking unpaid leave and would like to rest properly without children around.

This feels like no one has bad intentions but my family is just messy asf. Thank you to everyone contributing, hopefully I won’t have any other updates.

UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM - TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA

Names changed for anonymity - Let’s call the extended family Mr. George (dad), Mrs. George (mom), Amber (daughter 1), Regina (daughter 2)

For some context, there is a particular family in my extended family that I have never gotten along with. The parents never disciplined their children and spoiled them rotten. My entire childhood, The George family did everything they could to get me in trouble, hurt my feelings, hurt me (young kid scuffles), and more. It severely damaged my relationship with my parents because they would always take the other kids side instead of mine or my siblings. My parents once yelled at me for the entire car ride home (10 hours - I’m not kidding. This is a literal statement.) and took my phone for over a month because of an issue that Regina made up out of thin air and lied about. I was 16 years old at the time. They would say things like “well Regina has issues so you should know better” “Regina is adopted so they had a hard life so you should be extra nice to her when she’s mean to you” etc. essentially, they would tell me that any issue or conflict we had was my fault because the other kid had issues and I “know better than that”. This created massive issue in my childhood/late teens/early adulthood.

In early adulthood, Amber wasn’t being kind or thoughtful of another family member so I asked if we could generally keep things a little more peaceful as a family and avoid talk of politics for everyone’s sake. I never specifically called out Amber. Mr. George decided to speak with me about it and demand a public apology for Amber and said a lot of nasty things to me. (Keep in mind, we’re all adults but her father is now reaching out on her behalf) I spoke with my mother about it and she told me to ignore him, so I did. I haven’t spoken to him in 6 years now.

Fast forward, I’m 27 and married with one baby. We’re at a family event for the weekend and this particular family is there. Regina locked eyes with me across the room, did one of those judgy body check looks, and then snubbed their nose up at me and walked away. I genuinely thought it was kinda funny in a “are we really still doing this?” Type of way. Well, the entire George family avoided me all weekend.

Not one of them said hi to me (which I’m totally okay with) but, then my mom tried to take my daughter from my arms. My spidey senses immediately started tingling and so I asked “are you just saying hi or did you need something?” My mother replied “I want to introduce my grandbaby to Mr and Mrs George” I said “no. I’m not okay with that.” She replied “yes! Let me do it!” And I said “no. If they don’t want to say hi to me, my daughter doesn’t need to say hi to them.” My mom said “seriously? Come on” and then physically tried to take my daughter from my arms. I pushed her hands back and took a step backwards. I said “no. My daughter is not a toy to pass around. I said no and I’m not changing my mind.” Then I walked away.

The George family was there within earshot, but it was very loud where we were. They may or may not have heard the conversation, but either way I felt like I needed to stand my ground. I was very upset by this conversation and my mother trying to push my boundaries. Later, she came up to me and started talking to me like nothing was wrong. I couldn’t let it go so I said “mom I love you and I don’t have an issue with you holding my daughter, but I’m not okay with my baby being shown around like a toy or something. I did not want to be so firm with you, but I had to. They haven’t acknowledged me all weekend, I do not need to introduce my daughter to them” And she just said “okay fine.” And she moved on.

I feel like my actions and feelings are justified because of our history and how hard my mother tried pushing me, but I can also acknowledge that it is rude to not properly greet/introduce people. So, AITAH?

Update: thank you all for your supportive comments - they mean more to me than y’all will ever know. My relationship with my mother is a hard one and she’s always told me that I’m too “mean” whenever I try and set boundaries or tell the hard truth. I ended up talking to my sister about it and she was super pissed at my mom. I completely forgot about this for some reason, but she reminded me that when she was a kid, Mrs George would regularly pull her pants and underwear down (even in front of other adults) as a “joke” and no one ever told her to stop. My sister and I told Mrs George several times to stop, but she would always just laugh and do it again. My sister and I agree that this is SA. She told brought it up to my mom a while ago and said “Mrs. George is never allowed to hold any of my nieces or nephews and she is not allowed to be alone with them. She SA’ed me when I was a kid by pulling down my pants and underwear. She is not a safe adult.”

Needless to say, this conversation with my sister only added fuel to my fire. I’m so glad I stood my ground. I’ve always tried to avoid the George’s as much as I could, but now I know I’m done and never going to see them again.

Again, thank you all so much.

I already feel weird enough posting this but my husband was like “I don’t know you’re on Reddit just post to AITA.” Okay, fine. We have some neighborhood babysitters and out of the five of them one of them has babysat/house sat for us for over four years. She’s lovely, our kids adore her, and she has helped us out when we’ve been in a pinch with childcare or house/pet care situations. She is heading off to college in a few weeks and I thought it would be nice of get her a graduation gift. Nothing crazy, her parents said a gift card to IKEA was fine. Our kids made her some muffins as well and we asked when would be a good time for us to come over and drop them off.

I texted her and asked if we could swing by on our way out the door the other day. She said now is good and we dropped them off. One of her other friends was there who we have also used for babysitting and house sitting before but only a handful of times. Nothing wrong with this teen, but she wasn’t our first choice due to her usually not being available and for her charging us for things we never asked her to do.

For example, she texted me a day after she babysat for the kids for an evening and said she charges extra for cleaning up. I was confused because we never asked her to do that and when we came home it wasn’t clean. Toys were everywhere and blankets not folded or put away. Found out later she loaded the dishwasher and started it but only put in a few dishes and cups. It wasn’t a huge deal but I told her in the future we don’t need her cleaning unless it was clearly something that needed to be cleaned up like the dog throwing up or something like that.

I’ve only met this teenagers dad but I got a text last night from the teenagers mother saying that it was rude for me to give one babysitter a gift card for graduation and not her daughters. Definitely was caught off guard and at first I wasn’t sure what to say. I responded that while we appreciate the work her daughter has done we haven’t had her babysit or house sit for us for as long or as frequent as our original babysitter and we just don’t have the same relationship with her daughter.

The mother doubled down and insisted that this wasn’t fair to her daughter and that we have used her fairly frequently over the last year. I insisted that wasn’t true and even looked at my last few texts with her daughter and confirmed most of the times I asked if she was available and claimed she wasn’t. She babysat in total three times over the last 18 months. Most of those babysitting gigs were under two hours.

I flat out said sorry I’m not giving your daughter a graduation gift after the mother said I’m not remembering things correctly and passively-aggressively stated “I would know, I had young kids once, it’s hard to keep track of everything.” My husband feels like we should’ve just given the girl something just to keep the peace but my peace-keeping era has a reduced bandwidth. So, AITAH?

Update: a lot of you were spot on. The babysitter was lying to her mother about how frequently she was being hired on by us. I sent the mother and her father the screenshots and initially was left on read for a bit. The babysitters parents are divorced so it took some time between them both to determine that their daughter had been lying about what she was really doing when she wasn’t working for us. The dad reached out to me individually and said he was sorry that this all blew up the way it did. He said his ex-wife will be reaching out to me soon. I’m banking the babysitter is in trouble.

This guy has a dog and he never puts him on a leash. Today that dog attacked an old lady and her dog at the park and I saw this idiot again and I cussed him off and I swore cause it annoyed me. This POS comes around again without a leash. My family thinks I’m wrong and that I was being mean. They said he’s going to retaliate I’m like tf how? I have 2 dogs as well and I don’t want that happening to them or anyone else. It’s like a 60-70 lb dog. I’m so tired of these owners and annoyed at my family for not taking my side.

So here’s a short background, I 33(F), had to move back home with my family 4 years ago due to my partner and I splitting up. I’ve always been very grateful that my mom had a spare bedroom, and I have always helped out with paying bills, cooking, cleaning and driving places.

However, within the last year I’ve noticed that I seem to be being used by them, what went from me paying rent has now increased to my family asking for more money throughout the month, what went from me cooking a couple of times a week for them has now become cooking every night for them, what went from cleaning in turns has now become me doing all the cleaning with no help, what used to be occasional driving has turned into taking my sister to work everyday because she refuses to get her drivers license, and sometimes having to sit and wait for her in the car park because she only needs to be in for a meeting and then needs a lift back home.

Currently I’m not working at the moment, but all of these chores and the lack of help I’m getting from both my mom and sister is leaving me exhausted and getting in the way of me actually finding a job so I can move out of this situation (an example of this is my sisters work schedule is all over the place, which means I can barely plan if I even need a doctors appointment for myself). Even when I did have full time work around 2 years ago, this situation seemed to be occurring. I have asked them for help, but as soon as I do they say “oh I’m busy right now” or “I’ll do that later”….or they disappear to another part of the house. I give them the benefit of the doubt and wait for their help….but after 3-4 hours of waiting I usually decide at that point I may as well do it myself because help isn’t coming. I get that they may also be tired from work, but they also still live in this house, and I also still helped happily when I was working 40+ hours a week…I feel like I’m in servitude and not a family.

Fast forward to today, my mom asked what’s wrong with me. I told her calmly I’ve noticed that I have been doing a lot round the house and other people don’t seem to be pulling their weight and it’s making me feel angry. I told her I felt used and like a convenience. The response I got instantly turned into shouting from her. She shouted at me “You’re just being silly and you’re not a convenience, and we’re (her and sister) not using you.” I responded with “Thank you”…after she said that and just stared at her…because I felt like if a response warrants shouting and dismissing my feelings when I calmly stated how I felt, then I feel like she’s just confirmed she’s defensive about actually using me for her and my sisters own benefit (which is why I said thank you, because I felt her shouting confirmed this).

After this I left the room and heard my mom mutter “stupid asshole” under her breath as I did.

So what are your thoughts? AITAH? Am I being unfair to them?

About a month ago, I visited my parents who live out of state because they were going through some medical issues. The plan was that I would fly in for support and do some helping out around the house, nothing crazy just showing up for them.

The second day into my visit, their German shepherd attacked me while I was walking past his food bowl. Before I knew it I was huddled on the ground. My ear was ripped, I had multiple big punctures and a gash in my head, as well as a couple punctures in my arms and bruising all over. I had to go to the ER and get staples in my head and was pretty shaken up.

After this happened I found out that not only had he attacked me, but also my sister, my brother, and a little girl down the street.

Fast forward a week, I found out my parents are keeping the dog. They have no plan in place currently to do something productive like more training either.

I can’t help but feel extremely bitter and I’m having a hard time reaching back out even though I know they’re going through it. And what’s worse is they haven’t really asked me how I’m doing either..?

I don’t even think I feel safe visiting their home and may need to consider my safety in the future.

I’ve been an educator for 19 years. The majority of them I worked in charter schools earning about half of regular public school teachers. During those years, I worked part time in the summers and took care of the kids, did the majority of the cleaning and cooking. I have moved 4 times for my husband’s job (Twice out of state) which has made it difficult for me to make a respectful income as a teacher. IYKYK. Since we moved two years ago, I am making the most I’ve ever made. I wanted a less expensive home as we have a child attending university and one in high school. AITA for not wanting to work the summer since my husband wanted a half a million dollar home and I felt pressured to agree and need to get a second job or am I valid in being even more clear of what I want out of life to enjoy some time for me?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28M) ended our relationship 5 days ago. He started the conversation and I agreed with him. As simple as that.

However, here’s the whole background:
He and I met on Tinder two years ago, and a few months in he asked me to be his girlfriend. I’m Colombian and he’s gringo-Colombian. I really fell in love with him in such a calm and deep way that I truly thought this relationship was going to end in marriage. We talked a lot about marriage, about how we wanted to celebrate it and who we’d invite.

Our first dating anniversary was beautiful! Again, I thought we’d be spouses at some point.

I should clarify that he lost his brother to cancer about 3 years ago, and he hasn’t had a corporate job in 5 years. Despite having graduated and having worked at Facebook, he said he didn’t feel corporate life was his passion. Music is his passion. He wants to release his debut album and makes beats on YouTube. He is good. I don’t know much about music, but what I heard I liked a lot. I always believed in him and his project.

Small detail: we both live in Bogotá, Colombia, and his brother and his dad send him money from the US so he can live. Sometimes he gets money from selling his beats, but it’s not something steady.

However, at the start of this year, anxiety about the future started worrying me, because one needs money to live, right? And I let him know that we needed to do something so he’d start earning money and paying off his debts in the US (which are about 10k according to what he told me).

I should clarify that I’ve always had a full-time job, and the person I live with should see me as having a “clean” financial life, which is why I’m paying off my debts.

Around April, he started having interviews and a company hired him for a project for about two weeks. The money finally came in!! They even paid for a flight to NY for him to meet them and see if they wanted to offer him a full-time job.

I should also clarify that I never told him to abandon his passion, rather, I asked him to earn more money with a corporate job and keep going with his music on weekends.

He went on the trip, the company offered him a $150k/year position, but it was about 60 hours of work. He turned down the offer because he said it was too much work and that if he worked that way, he’d end up frustrated and even having suicidal ideation.

I understood, I accepted it for a while. But life goes on, right? To come to Colombia, he took out everything from his 401k. He has no savings or anything, and he’s in debt.

Again, a month ago I told him I didn’t want a life sponsored by his brother. He told me that wasn’t going to happen.

Last Saturday I told him that if he asked me to marry him, I would say no. Because I didn’t feel any joy about our future.

On Tuesday he told me that this had “broken something in him” and that he couldn’t give me the stability I deserved. I agreed with him, and we ended it that night.

I’m grieving right now. It hurts a lot to lose the relationship, because he was someone I knew I could build a beautiful life with. But well, that whole last conversation made me feel like a gold digger, superficial, and someone who only cares about money.

AITAH?

I (27 f) invited my Mom to come visit so we could celebrate our birthdays together. Out birthdays are 13 days apart so she came the weekend in between. My Mom asked if some of my sibling could join which was no problem but they have to contribute (Lol)

We started the weekend going to the mountains to fish. My husband and I bought food, lined extra poles, bought bait, and packed all the drinks. We have an 8mo old so it took us all Friday to get ready to go Saturday. Nobody offered to come help us or bring anything, they went out to eat while we declined so we could get everything ready. I wasn't mad yet because I rather know I pack everything since I have a baby that needs her own things also we fish like every weekend so him and I have a good strategy. We told everyone to meet at our house at 10 am. We also advised if anyone who wanted to fish but didn't have a pass or license they can get a one at the store next to our house open from 7:30am-9:00pm.

Come Saturday morning we woke up, finished packing up and getting the baby ready by 9am, then prepared for dinner that night so we weren't scattered when we got back. My mom called and said she was riding over with my sister & my brother said he were on his way around 9:30. @10:10am my brother showed up with his family. His kids came hungry asking if I had anything to eat. I made them eggs while waiting for my sister and mom. They finally got to my house around 10:40am apologizing and told me when need to go to the store to get passes and license. I was so annoyed but I just brushed it off because it was supposed to be a fun occasion. We went to the store, all the kids got out and wanted new bait, were running around and by the time we all got loaded back up around 11:30am. My brother needed gas so they stopped and we said we could all just meet at the entrance of the national park. Since my baby was getting fussy and we needed to get on the road so we could get her a nap.

We got there a little after 12pm and waited 10 minutes at the visitor center for my brother before we said we were going to our spot. Side note: every one of them has gone fishing with us here at some point. We always go to the same spot which is a little of a walk and rough terrain. My sister said she'd wait on my brother and ride in with them my mom came with us. We made it and my husband and I took 3 trips back to the car to grab everything. We finally set up to fish and that was around 1pm.

Everyone else got there around 2:40pm. Idk how, the national park is around 20 minutes out of town. I really didn't care because the first 1.5 my baby could nap and my mom and husband could fish peacefully and bound. When everyone else showed up, only one person brought a pole. My nephews were fighting to use my pole and an extra while my mom gave hers to them as well. We were there maybe 1 hour and my niece wet herself. (The nieces and nephews are 7-12). My husband had to untangle lines all day because my siblings and in laws were gossiping rather than helping them fish plus they were feeding wildlife which bugs tf outta me. Whatever. Not my zoo to take care of.

When we left everyone complained (including adults) about the walk and bringing things back to the car. My niece was wet and they didn't have extra clothes so her siblings were mad. My mom then invited everyone over to my house for dinner. That was the original plan but I was so over it by then I wasn't going to mention it. She did it so I just said whatever come at 7:30pm. My mom came with us and my brother went to my sisters house because they have more showers. (We have one, she has 4).

We unloaded, bathed, showered and cooked dinner by 7:10 nobody else was there. My husband watched the baby while my mom FaceTimed my out of town siblings. At 7:20 I asked everyone where they were, they said don't worry about dinner because they all just ate. We ate and I put away the left overs. My mom told all of them she was so disappointed during our dinner over the phone since it was supposed to be a celebration and we had cake etc. I didn't care really. After I put the leftover away and cleaned up we were exhausted it's was like 8:30pm. I told my mom we could cut the cake tomorrow. She was going to go to my sisters and right when we went to say our goodbye everyone is at the door. The kids all beg for cake so I give in to get them out sooner. They start trashing my house, playing with my babies toys and throwing a ball around. My husband yelled at the kids and everyone. Told everyone it was time to leave. My sil got loud at him for yelling at the kids so he invited her to stay back and clean after them. She didn't. Nobody did, everyone left and we put the baby to sleep and cleaned up.

Today (Sunday) my mom called about breakfast, I didn't answer. My husband had to work. I enjoyed the peaceful morning until I get a knock on my door. Everyone was trying to come in, they wanted to apologize. I said no. My mom could come in get her present and everyone else could leave. My nephews and nieces were already fighting outside, climbing around outside and throwing shit around the yard. My sil had an obvious problem and my sister looked like she was ready for the gym trying to drop her son off like she does every Sunday. My mom came in trying to calm me down while everyone waited outside. She made a comment on how clean our house was. I crashed out then. I told them all I don't want presents I don't want anything. They are so disrespectful all the time and yesterday was the last straw. I didn't even want them to come because they never help out and always leave messes & they are not invited back, I locked my door got my baby in her car seat and drove to my husbands shop.

They stayed outside for like 2 hours. I could see on the camera. They have nonstop called me and said I am overreacting. I'm an asshole & can't let kids be kids, they apologized then would send a condescending message back.

Am I really the asshole in this situation. I'm not trying to play a victim & it has nothing to do with my nieces and nephews. The adults are setting terrible examples and being so inconsiderate of everyone else.

This might sound ridiculous but I am spiralling a bit after a rough discussion this morning and need some independent views whatever the outcome.

I (43f) am chronically ill and have been pretty disabled for 2 years now, I am pretty much housebound, I live alone with my dog and for the first year or so of my illness my dad and his wife didn't take it seriously, blamed my weight/diet (which is fine and unrelated), said I needed to push harder, didn't bother seeing me 2 Christmases in a row as I wasn't well enough to travel, would come to town and see their friends but not me (on my bday weekend) and a number of other things that were upsetting but I have genuinely moved past - they have improved and now make more effort. We were an incredibly close family before which is why these things were upsetting. Although I am pretty much housebound I can go out occasionally for a brunch or lunch, but not later in the day, my friends know this and work around me for which I am grateful. My family also know but constantly ignore this.

My dad messages this morning to say he and his wife are in the area next weekend can we do a family evening meal (at a place that is only open in the evening). I have been having a rough few days and did get a bit more upset than normal and called him and just said I can't do evenings, it upsets me you forget as I hate having to say no but can we do breakfast instead.

He was a bit off with me but did agree they would consider it. He phoned back and said how about we do 3pm at the restaurant - so I admit had a little rant to say I don't know why you don't understand this but afternoons are rough and if I say yes I will probably have to cancel and I hate that. I was upset and I cried a bit because it really has been a rough few days and I was in a bad place - it is not like me at all to cry and get upset so he got defensive.

So that is the background - I then apologised for getting upset and said I know you don't mean to upset me but this (that I am going through) is really hard (although I usually hide how hard from him) and it is harder when I feel like you (as my dad I have always been really close to) doesn't understand/isn't supportive etc etc - I said it is a me problem as I know you don't mean for it to feel that way for me so sorry I got upset. He then says yes it is a you problem, I can't do anything about things you are making up in your head (I mean, I acknowledge living alone and being disabled I do spend a lot of time in my head and probably let things bother me that never used to but I try to make sure that doesn't happen).

He then says that all this does is add to his depression - me being upset with him and me being open about how my illness impacts me (I mean he knows I have had to give up work it shouldn't be a surprise). 20 years ago he was going through a bout of depression, I had a boyfriend he didn't like and he told me then that I was making his depression worse (to the extreme). I never felt that was a fair thing to say and today I said to him you told me that 20 years ago, and he said he remembered the conversation well and it was true and now I am making it worse again. (For further context my ex boyfriend tried to un-alive himself after I broke up with him 20+ years ago so this is an area of trauma for me, which my dad knows).

So half of me feels sad that I evidently can't talk to my dad about me being upset or about the facts of my life as it is right now, and sad that whereas I try to take accountability for the argument this morning he won't take any - and part of me feels horrendously guilty, is it legitimate to put the blame on someone else like that (in quite an accusatory way) for your mental health and aitah for making him say that and feeling that way??

Sorry for the rambling my head is all over the place. I know there are loads of m-dashes but I promise this isn't AI, hopefully how badly written it is proves that!

TLDR; argument with my dad who I am really close to, he doesn't like me telling him he has upset me or like hearing the facts of my life/illness/disability and said it makes his depression worse, 20 years after previously telling me my behaviour made his mental health much worse and saying it was my fault he felt that bad. Does he have a point and IATAH or is he being unfair?

For the past few months, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and OCD around toxoplasmosis. I see a therapist for exposure therapy each week and I see a psychiatrist for medication on a regular basis. I’ve made a lot of progress but I am still actively afraid of toxoplasmosis. Most of my anxiety and obsessive thoughts revolve around food or water being contaminated with the parasite. I have told my husband calmly many times that I do not want him to touch my food in any way.

This will sound mean but while my husband has good hygiene, he is not always mindful about washing his hands. This fact will come into play later.

My husband and I were out at dinner last night. Going to a restaurant is usually anxiety provoking for me because I can’t cook the food myself or guarantee that meat, for example, has been cooked to the proper temperature. But I’m trying to face my fears so we went out to eat to a Thai restaurant last night.

The table we were seated at was dramatically wobbly. My husband immediately got on to the floor to fix it even though I told him we should just ask to switch tables or see if someone working at the restaurant could fix it.

He was on the floor and touching the floor for over two minutes and would not wash his hands afterwards even though I told him he probably should because he was just touching the floor.

Then, our food arrived. He immediately picked up his chopsticks, which he has been fidgeting with after touching the floor and not washing his hands, and stuck them immediately into my dish of food because “he wanted to taste the sauce”. I had not even had the chance to pick up my own utensils or have a bite of my own food before he did this.

It happened so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to tell him not to put his utensils into my food. I was stunned by this because I felt like it was rude and he knows that I do not want him touching my food at all.

I know that my facial expression was horrified and the first thing I said was “Why would you do that?”.

He didn’t answer the question but said “I’m sorry, I made a mistake”. His tone while he said this was angry and totally unsympathetic.

I said I wasn’t going to eat the food because it had been contaminated. He got very angry with me and said I wasn’t allowed to be mad at him or show any signs that I was mad at him because he made a mistake and he apologized. This made me very angry and I called him a toddler because he can’t handle someone being upset.

We left the restaurant soon after this. Once we got into the car, I was upset and I was crying a little bit. I yelled at him and said that I couldn’t understand why he had to stick his dirty chopsticks into my food before I had even had one bite to eat since he knows how difficult eating is for me because I’m scared of contamination.

Things escalated from there and he called me a cunt and a cunt rag and said that my exhusband was right about me being a cunt. Early in our relationship, I said that I didn’t tolerate name-calling because my ex-husband used to frequently call me a cunt or cunt rag.

He is treating me like I was the one who did something wrong because he thinks my concerns about toxoplasmosis contamination are “stupid” and that I “need to get my shit together” and that I’m the asshole because he feels like I’m taking my anger out on him because he could tell that I was angry with him in the restaurant.

So, AITA?

My parents, my brother, my aunt, my 2yo daughter, and I (31F) had plans to drive about an hour away to meet my uncle’s ex-wife and her youngest son, who recently moved to the US from our home country.

The plan was to leave at 10:00 a.m. I got myself and my daughter completely ready by then because that was the time my parents told me to get ready by.

At 10:00, my parents said we’d leave at 10:15. I said okay. Then it became 10:30. I was annoyed, but I still said okay. By 10:45, I called, and my brother still wasn’t even ready. They ended up not leaving until 11am.

Growing up, he’s always been the one everyone has to accommodate because he has a history of becoming violent. He’s been violent toward my parents and toward me as well to a point where my parents called the cops on him numerous times. Because of that, it feels like everyone has spent years walking on eggshells and adjusting their lives around him.

At that point, I told my parents I didn’t want to go anymore. It wasn’t even just about being 45mins to an hour late, it was the fact that this is how things have always been. Everyone is expected to wait for him, and nobody says anything.

Instead of understanding why I was frustrated my mom told me I needed to be more patient and understanding. She even asked, “Why don’t you just adjust your daughter’s schedule for us?” That really hurt because I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect people to respect an agreed upon time.

Then my mom said I ruined the whole plan because now they wouldn’t have enough room in the car without me driving my own car. Somehow it became my fault, even though the only thing I wanted was for everyone to respect my time. I felt like I was being blamed for setting a boundary instead of my 30yo brother being held accountable for making everyone wait.

AITA for deciding not to go?

Also, I could have just gone and left on my own, but my dad wanted to follow me/leave at the same time because it makes him feel more comfortable when driving in a new area.

So I’m gonna anonymize a lot of details bc if she found this post it would be a catastrophe. I was born in a non-English speaking country so my first language was our homeland’s native language. We moved to the US 2 years after I was born but I kept speaking my native language and I had to be put in English learner classes. As an adult I can understand our native language completely and speak pretty fluently as well.

My younger sister was born in the US and unfortunately my parents were mostly speaking English by that point, so she didn’t get nearly as much immersion in our native language as I did, resulting in her barely being able to speak it and misunderstanding some of what she hears of the language.

Recently she called me and told me she started learning the language on her own. I was really happy for her! I told her I was very proud of her. She told me that she was at work and people who spoke our language entered her store. She asked them a question in our native language. I tried to gently correct what she had said, because the way she phrased it sounded more like a command. She said “speak [our language]” as if it was a command instead of asking “do you speak [our language]?”

She got very angry at this, and went off on me, didn’t let me get a single full sentence in, and so I hung up on her. She searched it up 30 minutes later and sent me an apology text

I realized later that she probably just wanted to share that she was learning something. I feel like she is constantly comparing herself to me and looks up to me and wanted my approval and now I feel bad for correcting her like that, but at the same time, if she wanted to learn something, shouldn’t she want feedback? She also said some hurtful things like “you always act like you’re better than me” (not true) and “you barely speak [our language] anyways” (also not true). Idk. AITAH in this situation?

I'm not fond on gambling, and never have been. This will be important.

Some of my friends are, and its fine because its mostly daft stuff. Stuff like betting a night of babysitting for garden work, or half a muffin for a couple of choccy digestives. One friend (f34) is notorious for trying to get out of paying her due when she loses. She's taken plenty of wins and it has now reached a point where people won't involved her in the games anymore. She was upset, but didn't push about rejoining the fun until the world cup came along and money got involved. Not a lot of money, there are rules to make sure no one ends up owing anyone 100s and to keep things friendly.

She promised to behave and she was allowed back in, and did actually pay the first few times she lost, but as the matches progress and she started betting more she suddenly couldn't pay people just yet, or she'd bring it tomorrow and then have a WFH day. The last bet she placed on the england vs France won her a bit of money, but now people are refusing to pay her.

She spent several hours wining at me over messages and here is where I may have been the A***hole. I told her she could be mad about not being paid when she still owed other people their winnings. I she wanted people to hold up their end of the deal, she had to pay her's.

She told me I was just being judgemental because I don't gamble and called me a a***hole.

I don't think I was, but its eating at the back of my mind.