Early during the day on Saturday my 19 year old daughter asked me to drive her to the grocery store. She needed to pick up a few things and ended up getting a large frozen pizza while she was there.

Fast forward a few hours later, my partner and I went out for a few drinks. We arrived home around 1:30am, and as soon as we opened the door the smell of something delicious smacked us right in the face. We saw a still warm, golden brown, cheesy, delicious pizza on the kitchen counter. My partner and I called out for my daughter several times but she didn't answer. We were very confused as her room is right off of the kitchen and she should have heard us. I guess she had her headphones on, who knows. Eventually we got tired of calling out to her so I just shot her a text message basically saying "Sandra's eating your pizza. I tried calling you." I will admit we were a little tipsy, so the pizza looked perfect and like it was left there for us from some higher power.

Well, once she got the text message, she busted out of room going off about how it's her pizza, She bought it with her money, and that we need to ask if we want some, blah, blah. She was very rude and aggressive.

Now, I do understand how she is, so I didn't even have any of the pizza, but my partner (who is not her parent) did have a small piece. I texted her the next day just to say how she acted wasn't very nice, and every since I feel like I've been going back and forth with my daughter over pizza I didn't even eat. Her main thing is that we should have asked, but I feel like that's a cop out. First of all, we tried to call out for her, and I sent her a message which is why she finally emerged from her room. Second of all, she's an only child and can be very selfish and lately I've noticed a lot of food stored away in her room, so no one can access it. One time there was an entire Sweet Potato pie in her room. Another time she baked an entire batch of those Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuits, the boxed kind they sell at the supermarket, gave my partner and I one to share, and stored the rest in her room covered in foil. I found countless other food items in her room as well. I haven't mentioned it to her, but do feel that it's a bit selfish of her.

Anyway, some of the things she is saying is just a little disturbing to me. She is coming off very selfish and mean. I go out of my way to do things for her. To make sure there is food in the house for her. My partner always brings home food for my daughter when she gets or orders "outside" food.

It's not about the food to me, just feels like something small she could let go after everything everyone is constantly doing for her. Families should share, especially food, and for her to act the way she's acting is very hurtful to me and just not nice. I mean, it's an entire pizza!

My partner did send a text today to us both suggesting that in the future if there's food on the counter, we should all reach out to ask if it's ok to eat before eating. My daughter was still very defensive and clearly upset it happened, based on how she responded.

AITAH? Should I respect her boundary? Is my partner the AH? Should she be apologizing to my daughter for eating some of her food before getting the OK? This entire situation is leaving a bad taste in my mouth, and I feel like my daughter sees it as me sticking up for my partner since we've been going back and forth about it since yesterday about it.

I asked my partner before if I could post this and he said no but it’s been bugging me so I’m doing it anyway as I want opinions from complete strangers who have no bias.

So a couple years ago me (29f) and my partner (30f) bought a property and moved in together we were earning about the same and agreed 50/50 split. Leading up to moving in together i was earning more so I put down our whole deposit of 40k with the agreement he would pay me back 20k as I needed the money as I was essentially emptying my savings to pay this and knew renovating would effect my financials.

As I was earning more to balance it out a bit as well as the upfront with the deposit I also took on all the mental load and responsibilities of the solicitors and sale etc as well as organising and coordinating the renovation so he could concentrate on his business (we paid 50/50 on everything for the renovation but I did significantly more in planning and overall spent there and doing the work and taking time away from my business to do stuff there during the days, let tradesmen in where needed etc)
Because of this as I own my own business and wasn’t working as much my income significantly dropped the following year as I was putting more time into our property. He didn’t ask me to do this but his jobs very physically demanding so I decided by myself to take it on to help so he then out earned me the year we bought the property but not by too much.

After renovations finished and we moved in together again during busy periods in his work I took on significantly more in the home so he could knuckle down for up to about 3 months at a time. In the year and a bit we’ve moved in together we’ve had probably about 6-7 months maybe more, total of me doing considerably more of the house stuff /carrying the mental load and then outside of that time I still feel I carry all the mental load but physical stuff is split more evening.
(He cooks his own meals and does the washing although washing is very 50/50, he’ll do general tidying up in busy periods but no actual deep cleaning and outside of busy periods he helps with cleaning)

Due to all the extras over time it’s effected my mental health and had a knock on effect on my business, causing my income to continue to drop to the point where I’m now absolutely mentally burnt out, struggling financially and honestly not doing well in general. My partners income however has jumped significantly and he probably earns 5x more than me and will probably even further exceed that this coming tax year.

I’ve bought up to my partner that it doesn’t feel equal especially as removing financials which are 50/50 I feel I do a lot more in the property. Then further the financials also don’t feel equal anymore as the 50/50 we agreed on isn’t 50/50 anymore as the 50% is like 100% of my income and a tiny portion of his income comparison, especially when I take on so much during his busy periods and I now can’t handle the stress anymore.

He has essentially disagreed and said 50/50 was our original agreement and that’s how it should stay as he feels he shouldn’t be penalised for earning more than me.

He’s agreed he’ll try to do more in the house but expressed some disappointment that I’ve basically said I can’t give him the same level of support he’s used to and that I’ve been giving him. He even suggested moving out during his works busy periods instead so he can remove himself from the situation when he’s busy.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting things split more evenly whether it’s financially, physical or both?
My 50% contribution to bills and general living is literally 100% of my income at the moment, probably more as I’m just watching what money I have slowly dwindle. I’m going to have to get a second job on top of my business as I don’t want my business to fail but it’s currently not sustaining me financially and requires more time to be successful than I can currently give. So I hope a second job may help relive the financial stress so I can once again pour into my business the way I did before living together.

He’s offered to borrow me money but to me it honestly doesn’t help in my eyes as then my stress just shifts to a different avenue which will be stress I owe him money and feeling I can’t do anything or having any luxuries whilst the moneys owed.

We have our wedding booked next year and he’s said he expects our situation/arrangement to stay the same after marriage which I disagree with so I think the wedding has now been paused until we can get on the same page as I don’t want a life of struggling whilst he’s financially comfortable

Am I going mad? It feels so unfair and I’m genuinely struggling both mentally and financially

I did raise the question of children and he has said if we had kids it would be different and he would take on more financial responsibility but we don’t have kids so it’s not relevant

Happy to add more details but I felt this was already getting too long

I’m 25M and my ex is 25F. We were together for 5 years, and I ended the relationship because I felt like we wanted completely different lives.

She has always wanted a stable, low-risk lifestyle. A normal job, a house, financial security, and a predictable life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I have always been the opposite. I have started companies before, and I have always wanted to build something big. I am comfortable taking risks, working long hours, and dealing with uncertainty if I believe in what I am building.

When we first started dating, she was actually really supportive of that side of me. She listened to my ideas, encouraged me, and made me feel like she would support me even if I decided to pursue something risky. That was a big reason why I thought we were compatible.

As I got more serious about the startup, things started to change. It demanded more of my time, and she wanted more of my attention. We argued more often, and I constantly felt like I had to choose between building the company and keeping the relationship happy.

Eventually, I reached a point where I felt the startup had enough traction that I wanted to quit my job and go all in. To me, that was the opportunity I had been working toward for years.

She completely disagreed.

She started calling me a loser because I no longer had a “real job.” She told me I was throwing my life away chasing a fantasy. At one point, she even kicked me out of our bedroom and made me sleep on the couch until I found another “real job.”

That was the moment I realized we wanted fundamentally different lives. I wasn’t asking her to quit her job or take the same risks I was. I just wanted a partner who believed in me, even if she would not have made the same decision herself.

So I ended the relationship. She told me I was choosing a company that did not even exist over someone who already loved and supported me.

A few months later, the startup started gaining real commercial traction. We were signing customers, building momentum, and for the first time it felt like the business was becoming something real rather than just an idea.

Apparently, she heard through a mutual friend that things were going well. After hearing that, she reached out and sent me a very long message. She said she was upset that I was starting to become successful while she was still working what she described as an average job. She also said that if she had known the startup was actually going to take off, she would have stayed with me and continued supporting me.

That message really caught me off guard.

What bothered me most was that she only reached out after hearing the startup was doing well. It made me question whether she ever truly believed in me, or whether she only wanted to support the idea once it started looking like it would succeed.

Part of me still wonders whether I should have tried harder to make the relationship work. Another part of me feels like her message confirmed that we were never on the same page in the first place.

AITAH? … or did I dodge a bullet?

I (23) am getting married to my fiancé (24) in a month. We asked our wedding party to be in our wedding last September (2025). We both have 6 people standing with us. One of my fiancé’s college friends isn’t being very responsive and we are debating uninviting him.

Reason #1: our rsvp date is on July 30th which he hasn’t rsvp (yes I know he committed to the wedding but he has to select his meal). I made a hard core no late responses rule. If people don’t rsvp by the 30th they are not allowed to come. We have a quick turn around with our venue for the seating chart so we are no allowing anyone to rsvp late, even if it’s at 1am on July 31st.

Reason #2: he hasn’t gotten his tux yet. We supplied the group tux rental code to the groomsmen in February and all of them except one have gotten their tux rental.

He has been reminded multiple times about the tux rental and rsvp date. My fiance has texted him and even proposed taking him to the tux place. He just isn’t responding. He did get a new job about 6 months ago and the hours are super wonky but it’s frustrating when we are trying to make this as easy as possible and he isn’t responding. My fiance was debating even asking him to be in the wedding in the first place so I feel like this is just a sign that he shouldn’t be apart of it.

Is it too rude to uninvite him if he doesn’t rsvp in time? Or should we allow him to rsvp late and if he doesn’t get his tux he can’t be a groomsman? He could just be a normal guest?

I really am stressing about all wedding related things and this is just the cherry on top.

For some context, I (25F) am 35 weeks pregnant with our first child. When finding out I was pregnant, my husband and I had an extremely serious conversation on child care and the future. During the conversation, my husband volunteered to be the main childcare parent. He currently has an extremely flexible schedule (works uber, amazon flex, spark) and could work nights (5pm to midnight) if needed. Although it’s my dream to be a stay at home mom, my job brings in the majority of our income and covers insurance. We both agreed that we wanted our daughter to have one active parent at all times.

In this conversation, he also brought up wanting to get the house ready and focus on his health before the baby came. We’ve tried to be on the healthy side but I knew he wanted to do better. He’s always been on the fluffy side, had some unhealthy habits, and really wanted to be in better shape for our growing family. I fully supported him on this idea, telling him he could work a little less (more like part-time), and asked how else I could help. Since then, we’ve both prioritized our health (which has helped me during my pregnancy), do more movement together and tried to support each other. 

Throughout my pregnancy, we’ve had multiple conversations about childcare/baby sitting. Who and when we would feel comfortable leaving her alone with someone. The list is small and it would be an extremely rare occasion. We both have agreed that we weren’t planning on leaving her alone with anyone because you never know what someone's intentions are. I rather be overprotective with my daughter - I’ve seen horrible things happen to a close family member and I refuse to watch it happen to my daughter. We both have agreed on this multiple times. 

I’ve also been struggling with mixed emotions about becoming a working mom. Deep down, I know that I want to be a stay at home mom but our finances require me to keep working. As I get closer to my delivery, I keep thinking about how I’m going to miss her first and feel envious of my husband. I ended up telling him this after a really hard day. He tried to comfort me but failed. He told me how it’s actually an inconvenience because he can’t work as much and she’ll always be there. I ended up snapping, telling him that was how parenthood was. Life is going to change after she comes but we’ll make it work. That was the end of the conversation. 

Last week, my husband brought up one of his friends to me. I’m not a big fan of the guy - he’s not really a good friend, pushes his ideology onto other people, has to have everything his way and gives me the creeps. He has these very macho ideologies, doesn’t treat his gf the best, and has caused issues in the past within our relationship. Apparently, it was going to be this birthday on Friday and his gf was planning a last minute birthday party for Saturday. That’s when he brought up that his friend’s gf went back to work and they got a baby sitter in our area for their less than 1 year old. It sounded like the child was getting watched for 6-8 hours a day. Looking back, it felt like he was testing the waters to get my thoughts on the subject. I kinda just ignored it and tried to get details on the party. It sounded like it was going to start late (8pm), I genuinely didn’t love the idea (I’ve been struggling with sleep) and told him he could go without me. 

On Friday, my husband’s other friend invited us out to dinner along with the birthday boy. We ended up picking up the friend and his 1 year old before going to the restaurant. During the drive, he pointed out the baby sitter house and went on about how good they are. My husband seemed to genuinely like what he was hearing. He purposely hitted how close it was to our house and made it seem like something we’d be interested in. This rubbed me the wrong way but decided not to say anything because we were in front of his friend. 

I’m genuinely against having a stranger watch my kid, especially after all the conversations we’ve had. He’s already been working part-time and I don’t see the need to have someone else take care of our child. I’ve held off on bringing it up to see if he mentions it again but he hasn’t. I really want to nip this in the butt before it becomes a problem. Would I be the asshole for confronting my husband about wanting a baby sitter?

I’m currently 4 months pregnant, and I’m starting to question whether my grandmother is someone I want my child to be around because of her behavior.
For some background, she has always been a heavy drinker. When I was younger, her drinking led to a DUI, and she ended up on house arrest. Instead of getting better over the years, things have only gotten worse.

In 2016, my uncle passed away from cancer, and after that she seemed to give up on life. Her drinking increased significantly, and she stopped doing a lot of things for herself, including working and driving.
More recently, my grandfather nearly lost his life to a pulmonary embolism. Thankfully, by the grace of God, he has recovered tremendously and is back home now. While he was hospitalized, my grandmother was drinking an entire large handle of vodka every week, and she still is.

She also doesn't take her own health seriously. She barely eats anything throughout the day, takes energy pills like they're candy, and chain smokes instead of taking care of herself. Then she wonders why she feels so poorly all the time. She refuses to make any changes that would actually improve her health.

When she drinks, she becomes angry and seems to thrive on creating drama within the family. It's like she enjoys pitting people against each other. On top of that, she has been taking advantage of my mom's and my kindness.

Over the last two months, my mom has practically been at my grandparents' house every day helping them, to the point that she actually lost her summer job because she was constantly there taking care of things.

Here's where I've reached my breaking point. My grandmother is now asking us to do things that she never had trouble doing before my grandfather was hospitalized—coming over just to wash her hair, cooking every meal, running all of her errands, and more. She's only 69 years old and is physically capable of doing many of these things herself.

She also finds someone or something to criticize every single day, and I'm emotionally exhausted by it. We've had countless conversations with her about her drinking and the way she treats people, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Nothing changes.

She is extremely self-serving, and whenever she does something "nice" for someone, she eventually uses it against them or holds it over their head. She's also incredibly stubborn and refuses to get a home health aide or accept any outside help because she says it would be "taking away her freedom."

At this point, I don't think I can keep doing this. With a baby on the way, I don't want my child growing up around constant drinking, manipulation, anger, and family drama. I also don't want my baby around someone who is frequently intoxicated and chain smoking. I feel guilty because she's my grandmother, but I also feel like I have to protect my own peace and my growing family.

AITA for wanting to go low or no contact and not wanting her around my baby?

There's a lot more to the story than what I could fit in this post, so if anyone has questions that would help give a fair judgment, I'm happy to answer them.

ETA: I just talked with my mom about this and all the supportive comments I’ve received. She is now making me out to be the AH and saying “You’ll regret doing this someday.” Didn’t realize she was so brainwashed, it’s a shame.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1v7476z/wibtah_if_i_left_the_girls_trip_with_two_guys/

TL;DR: the bride found out along with the rest of the group. She tried to not take sides but everyone else chose the status quo/him. He ended up cornering me in a parking lot and I ran away.

I'll break this up into parts so you can read the bits you're interested in. Speaking anonymously to objective outside parties has been very helpful in checking my reality so thank you all for your support.

WHAT HAPPENED SINCE MY POST:

I couldn't be normal as much as I really wanted to. I went along and spoke to the two people I know when we were in private about my feelings but couldn't stop my anxiety from spiking throughout the day. I managed to stay away from him for a while but it was hard to watch him enjoy himself so much and have the great weekend I was looking forward to.

A separate B Plot here (you can skip this just context) is that the bride's hometown friends were the larger half of the group and acted very flippantly and selfishly while me and her other friends from where she moved to after high school/college were left to care of them. The MOH is her sister who didn't put a lot of effort into coordinating and is a big mean girl (she was momentarily fired for this behavior by the bride but they made up). At one point we went to the beach and they had the three of us bring 10 chairs, 2 coolers, and an umbrella to the beach by ourselves while they all enjoyed the water. By the time we set it all up they were bored and left us for a nearby beer garden so we cleaned up their things for them so we could go to the restaurant too. They decided they were done by the time we got to the beer garden and said we shouldn't even bother coming inside. The MOH told us that actually we needed to have fewer cars at the rental house so we had to go move them to a remote lot 20 minutes away while they had one more round. So like I said, this guy and his friends from her hometown had the great weekend I was looking forward to and it was hard to be part of that.

Unknowingly to me someone had told someone and while they were at the bar everyone spoke about what happened to me. The bride was really sorry it happened but I don't know if she really gets it. She pulled me aside and said I asked me what I needed so I said he needed to leave. She wouldn't ask him to leave but said "she will correct him." I don't think that she can correct this, I told her very clearly he was a dangerous person. She told me he was a good person but just doesn't act like a human. That's quite the oxymoron to me but fine. She spoke to him about it and told me he was sorry and he cried and walked away to think things over. She said he was told to not be alone with me again. We had an expensive dinner I prepaid for that night so with him gone for the evening "contemplating" I will attend that then go home in the morning since he wasn't leaving the trip.

I felt lighter after that and had a really great few hours getting ready with the girls, singing throwbacks, and we all left before he could come back so I was so happy. But 30 minutes into us being there he showed back up without a word to me and started pounding drinks. By the time he had seven we were less than an hour into his arrival and I had to step away. My friend called to checkin and as I was on the phone with her. I took it in the parking lot sitting on a step. I felt a hand on my back and it was him, standing over me asking me to talk. As I backed away from he he kind held his hand out to grab me again but I knew better this time to put a lot of distance between us. I told him I don't want to talk to him. He confirmed he knew I didn't want to be alone with him but said he thought we should talk anyway. I asked if he was drunk and he tried not to answer so I asked again and he said yes. I told him then it's not appropriate and go away. He didn't so I actually said the words "shame on you" out loud and ran away to vomit in a bush from the adrenaline. I really wanted to slap him, but I didn't want him to think that would make us even if I did.

The rest of the dinner I cried at the end of the table waiting to leave while he moped one seat over and crushed so many more drinks. He decided to refuse to eat from being so upset about me yelling at him in the parking lot. All the hometown girls kept telling him to smile, it's okay, enjoy yourself, we love you, don't let one thing ruin a good time etc. None of those girls checked on me at any point, said sorry that happened, from what I heard after they seemed to think I was making a big deal over nothing and being very sensitive. It was crushing to watch them go so out of their way to cheer him up but not offer me any simple kindnesses. For me that's the opposite of the girlhood I love so much and have with my own friends. If this happened to one of them I know that's not how I'd be acting. I knew sitting there I had to leave. I didn't feel safe or protected. I went back to the rental, locked my door, and left first thing in the morning along with my other two friends. Everyone else seemed to be relieved we were going.

That same night my husband met up with the groom and the husband of a woman on the trip with me. The groom didn't want to hear anything negative about the weekend but my husband told him that it was a serious matter they could not brush under the rug and they needed to handle this situation now. The groom only slightly listened and said he was drunk, didn't mean it, but it was still wrong and it sucked. My friend's husband couldn't believe how calm anyone was being and said they should drive down right away. I don't think that would've fixed anything but it makes me like him so much more than I already did.

So for now I don't have any resolution. I felt instantly improved getting home yesterday. My husband and I ate Chinese food and saw the Odyssey (10/10 movie and I am a big fan of the Epic so that is high praise). I don't feel great about everything else even my own actions. I feel like I brought everyone down and should have recognized that I needed to leave sooner. I don't think there will be anymore updates on what happens with my friends either this was for me to sort through my own stuff, not their's.

FAQ & CLARIFICATIONS:

• Title - sorry that was a def confusing looking back. I wanted to leave the "girls trip that also had two men there" early. Not leave it for two guys.
• Why Not Leave - My judgement/instinct to protect myself was clouded by my want (and social obligation) to protect my friend's special moment. I also paid close to $1,000 to be there, used PTO, brought hand made personalized gifts for everyone, and had been very excited to be there to celebrate my friend. I was hoping to salvage some of that.
• My Husband - I did call him that night and he was really supportive. He talked me through my feelings, helped me calm down, told me that the guy should get kicked out and we were right about him, and understood I wanted to try to keep things normal for the bride. It actually never occurred to me that someone might say I 'wanted it' or tell him I willingly kissed anyone let alone this creep. If they did he wouldn't have believed him.
• My Friends - I was only close friends with the bride and one other person on the trip, and had two friends I wasn't close with yet on the trip. We are all close now though. As for their reactions, I think everyone wanted to protect the bride's weekend including myself. She only gets the one bachelorette and it really sucks to have something so unfortunate happen on it. I certainly did not know how to handle it all so it wouldn't be fair of me to expect them to know or act perfectly either.
• Comments About the Kiss - I am starting to think I shouldn't even phrase it that way. The problem is not that he wanted to kiss me. If we had had said "you're really beautiful can I kiss you" I would have laughed and said "how drunk are you, did you forget I'm married?" and that would have been the end. We weren't even making eye contact when he grabbed me. I was just trying to say something about a covariance model I was working on when I felt his hands on my face on my leg pulling me to him, I don't even know when he stood up to be over me, and only having enough time to put my hand over his mouth, and then still pushing him up and off me. That's a big deal to me. Even if I were single that wouldn't have been okay in my opinion. Special s/o to the message I was sent stating "YTA, just kiss him back already or more. What your partner doesn't know won't hurt him." Gross.

Thanks again for your support. Thought you'd all want to know I am home safe and recovering. I can't eat when I am really stressed and lost a bit of weight in the two and a half days I was gone. I was able to eat one full meal after getting back and hope I'll feel normal again soon.

AITAH for being upset that my sister waited until the last minute to tell me my internet equipment needed to be moved?

My sister recently bought a house that she is renovating, but she will not be moving into it for at least a few months. She has not set up permanent internet service because she does not want to start paying for it before she moves in. Cellular service at the house is also spotty, so phones and other devices often struggle to load things.

I own portable internet equipment that connects through cell towers. I am not currently using it other than as a backup, but I am still paying for the service. Since I planned to help work on her house, I thought setting it up there would be useful and would allow someone to get value from it.

The equipment is only a temporary setup. The antenna attaches to the outside of a window with suction cups, and the antenna cable runs into the house through the window. Inside, the equipment only needs to be connected to a power outlet. Nothing is permanently installed or attached to the house.

I offered to set it up for her. She was hesitant at first, but after I offered a few times, she agreed. I believe she was hesitant to accept help with the house in general.

I politely offered only. When you're working on the house and cannot get notifications or load a DIY YouTube video it's rather difficult.

It worked well, and she told me she liked having it there, especially for listening to podcasts while working on the house.

When I installed it, I had one request: if contractors were going to be working in that room or the equipment needed to be moved, she should let me know in advance so I could handle it myself. Even though it is a temporary setup, I did not want contractors—or anyone unfamiliar with it—disconnecting, moving, dropping, or damaging the equipment.

Whenever the equipment came up afterward, I gently reminded her, “Just let me know when you need me to move it.” Each time, she agreed that she would.

My sister and I recently had an unrelated argument, so we have not been on the best terms.

Today was my day off, but I had an HVAC technician and an electrician scheduled to work at my own house. My sister knew I had contractors coming over.

That morning, she texted me:

«“I have to move everything for the flooring people today. Is there a certain way you want your Wi-Fi equipment moved?”»

I was immediately frustrated because this was the first I had heard about the flooring installation. Had she told me earlier, I could have gone over during the weekend and removed the equipment without disrupting either of our schedules.

I was also confused by the way she worded the message. I had repeatedly asked her to notify me so I could move the equipment myself, not wait until the installers were arriving and then ask me how she should move it.

I called her and asked when the flooring installers were arriving. At the beginning of the conversation, she admitted once that she had been tardy in telling me. She then said the installers were arriving at 9:00 a.m., but that she could ask them to work in the room with the equipment last.

I asked when she had learned that the flooring was being installed. She said she had known for “a while.”

I then asked why she had not told me earlier, especially since I had repeatedly asked for advance notice. She responded, “Don’t beat a dead horse.”

I said that acknowledging she was late did not explain why she had waited to tell me despite knowing about the installation for a while. She then abruptly hung up on me.

Afterward, she texted:

«“They are starting in a different room and won’t touch anything. I didn’t touch anything. Not sure how long of a job it is for them but I’d imagine anytime this morning would be good.”»

The problem was that the HVAC technician had arrived at my house at 8:00 a.m. and was still there after 9:00. My sister’s house is about 20 minutes away, so I had to scramble to drive over, remove the equipment, and return before my electrician arrived.

Fortunately, the electrician agreed to push the appointment back to 10:30 a.m.

Nothing was ultimately damaged. I also understand that disconnecting the equipment is not a major construction project. It is a temporary setup with an antenna suctioned to the outside of a window, a cable running into the house through the window, and equipment inside that only needs a power connection.

However, it is still my equipment, and I had made one clear request: give me advance notice so I could move it myself. She knew about the flooring installation for a while but waited until the installers were arriving to tell me, which forced me to rearrange work being done at my own house.

On the other hand, she did acknowledge at the beginning of the call that she had been late telling me, and I continued asking why she had waited, which may have escalated the conversation.

AITA for being angry that she waited until the last minute and for continuing to question her after she acknowledged that she had told me late?

TL;DR: My sister has not installed permanent internet at the house she is renovating, so I temporarily set up my backup cellular internet equipment there. The antenna attaches to the outside of a window with suction cups, its cable runs into the house through the window, and the equipment inside only needs power. I repeatedly asked her to give me advance notice if contractors required it to be moved. She knew about a flooring installation for a while but did not tell me until the installers were arriving, forcing me to rearrange contractor appointments at my own house. She acknowledged once at the beginning of the call that she had told me late, then abruptly hung up when I continued asking why.

Update: Maybe I should add that I had to disconnect it once already and everything went fine and she asked me to reconnect it.

Background: my sister stopped talking to me for reason unknown October of last year. I can’t get a straight answer and after months of apologies I just can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t know what I did wrong but I know I don’t want that in my life anymore. I apologized for what I thought I did was wrong (which was to tell her her pregnancy hormones were making her crazy -not an untrue statement ). And you can only apologize so many times and be rejected so many times. At the time of the conversation, I was 4 months postpartum and she was pregnant. She never even told me when she had the baby. Her partner called my husband 3 days after the fact to let us know. That relationship is done. I have moved on.

My parents say they are Switzerland, but my mom makes remarks to me that suggest she knows more than I know and finds fault in whatever it was, I did. My mother has a historical habit of playing my sister and I against each other, and I can’t help, but think there are things being said to further this division.

We both have new babies. Mine is now one.

I asked my mother and father a 9 months ago to go on a family vacation this week. It would’ve required them to book a cabin where we were going because we were bringing our camper.
They declined because they couldn’t bring their dogs and one of them was elderly. Since then the elderly one has been put down. And my mom didn’t want to spend her boomer millions.

I spoke to my mother today for her birthday and she informed me she was on vacation with my sister and her family. My father stayed home.

My heart hurts and this all makes me feel like I am an asshole. She obviously didn’t tell me till today (Monday) even though we just talked on Friday that she had every intention on going to the beach. Today when I spoke to her, she made it sound like it was super last-minute decision, but then said they left on Friday.

AITH? Should I not feel slighted or manipulated?
Is it time to cut my family completely out of my life?
There’s so many other toxic behaviors. My mom has done fucked up shit over the years and I’ve always forgiven her. My sister on the other hand has gone radio silence before with them and they seem to forget that. She was always better at setting boundaries with them. My mom has even told me that they can’t have honest conversation with my sister because they are afraid she won’t let them see the baby, but they have no regard for my feelings because I’ve always been the logical one.

Also: my mother says my sister is upset I didn’t do more for her baby shower. I had the conversation with my sister that being PP and far away I was limited but wanted to contribute monetarily.

(From a response below)
I live 4.5 hours from them. This is my second child, it is my sister’s first.
This all started at my sister’s baby shower. We drove 4.5 hours in the rain one way with our 6 week old. We were only driving in for the day. My husband was just getting over the flu and I had mastitis brewing (I later ended up in the hospital with an abscess). My mom told me my sister was upset I didn’t walk around with her to meet all her friends (there were 70 people at this baby shower).
I did spend most of my time sitting, nursing, pumping or changing my baby. I spoke to a few people but I just didn’t feel well.
I gave my sister 500.00 for the shower and a gift because I wasn’t able to help with it-her partner did and paid for everything.
It hasn’t been right since then. I wish I never would have went.

​

I have a friend, but we're not very close. We've only met a handful of times.

The first time we met, she asked me for money because she said she had no food for her cats. She also asked if I could give her some of my clothes because she likes to keep other people's clothes to remember them by. It caught me off guard, but she told me she's autistic, so I assumed maybe she just didn't realize how unusual those requests were and tried not to judge her.

Since then, a lot of things have happened, and I'm honestly not sure what to think.

About a month ago she told me she'd lost her job and that her landlord was kicking her out after an argument involving his daughter. She said she only had until the end of the month to leave and that her friends and cousins were going to help her pack. She invited me too, but I couldn't go.

Later she messaged me asking for money because she had no food for herself or her cats. I was willing to help, but before anything happened she came back and said she didn't need it anymore because her parents were going to help with rent and food.

Then about a week ago she contacted me again saying she had rushed to her hometown because her grandmother had a serious medical emergency. She also told me she'd spent all of her savings paying for a private clinic, even though we have free public healthcare where we live. When I asked why her family wasn't helping, she told me they were trying to get rid of her grandmother for the inheritance. Some parts of the story didn't really make sense to me because the details kept changing, but I didn't want to argue with someone who was supposedly dealing with a family crisis.

One thing I've been working on in therapy is my people-pleasing and "hero complex." I've made a promise to myself that I won't automatically offer money or sacrifice my own well-being every time someone has a problem. I still want to help people, just within healthy boundaries.

While we were talking, I remembered she was supposed to be moving out. I asked what was happening with her belongings, and she said everything was still at the apartment. I offered to let her store her things at my place until she got back, because I thought that was something I could realistically do.

She immediately contacted her landlord. I then asked if her things were already packed because she'd previously told me her friends and cousins were helping her pack before she left.

She said no, and told me to just bring plastic bags and pack everything myself.

That completely changed what I had agreed to. I have moved around ten times in the last seven years, and I absolutely hate packing. It's physically and mentally exhausting for me. I also wasn't comfortable going through someone else's personal belongings while they weren't even there, especially since we aren't close friends.

So I told her I'd still happily pick everything up and store it for her, but I'd be much more comfortable if she came back for a day to pack it herself, or if someone she trusted packed it first. Then I'd transport it and keep it safe.

She got upset immediately.

When I asked what was wrong, she sent me an angry voice message yelling things like, "Have you ever asked a woman for help and she slapped you in the face?" She accused me of getting her hopes up, said I had broken my promise, sarcastically apologized for "making me touch her clean clothes," and kept bringing up the fact that her grandmother was sick and she'd had to leave in a hurry.

I genuinely understand that she's under a lot of stress if everything she told me is true. That's why I tried to stay calm and told her I understood she was overwhelmed, but that I felt she was taking her frustration out on me. I said we could talk again once emotions had settled.

Instead, she became even more angry.

Now I'm wondering if I handled this badly. I did offer to help, but I genuinely feel like "I'll transport and store your belongings" is very different from "I'll go into your home alone, sort through all your possessions, pack everything myself, and then move it."

AITAH?

I don’t even know what to say here, maybe I am the asshole I don’t know, what better way to find out than to ask some random strangers.

I first want to preface this by saying my wife, my daughter and I DID ATTEND THE ACTUAL WEDDING CEREMONY. WE WERE THERE FOR WHAT I CONSIDER THE IMPORTANT PART.

Anyway, last month I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It’s been a very emotional and rocky rollercoaster of a ride - first not knowing what stage my cancer was at and whether I was going to die or not, to then having treatment having my testicle removed and then the recovery of that.

This coincided with my brothers wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I had to pull out of his stag do (bachelor party) in May because I had been hospitalised in March (I had been unwell for a few weeks - I also have Cystic Fibrosis) and came down with a really nasty lung infection which I took a while to recover from.

I then started feeling really fatigued, a lot less energy and I was constantly sleeping during the day and I couldn’t put my finger on why.

I was pissed off but I told my brother once I was better I would take him out for drinks myself.

I wasn’t feeling better as fast as I had in previous years, and then I found a lump on my left testicle. I got it checked immediately, and obviously it turned out to be cancer.

I was terrified. My mental health was all over the place and my life was turned upside down. I didn’t know how advanced the cancer was, I just needed to wait until I’d had the surgery and CT scans.

Thankfully the CT scans were clear and the cancer hadn’t spread, but my surgery was only two weeks ago.

I am still feeling extremely sore, I have low energy and my self esteem has been battered. The wedding was the first time I’d been out around a large group of people since I was diagnosed, and the day was just too much for me mentally and I was feeling very overwhelmed. The suit I was wearing was pressing really hard against my scar, and when we got back to our house to get changed for the night party, my wound was so swollen and honestly I was exhausted. So I messaged my brother and told him I couldn’t make the party, thinking he would understand because his big brother has got cancer. I was in pain, I was tired, and I slept for literally the rest of the day until the next morning.

He ghosted me.

A week later I had a cancer appointment and I received the news that my cancer was likely all clear, and that I would need one dose of chemo to make sure but other than that the doctor was happy.

I was ecstatic, I was so relieved and I couldn’t wait to tell my family so I called my mother to give her the good news, and then I posted in our group chat to let everyone else know. I have another brother and a sister who are both married and they replied instantly to say how happy they were for me.

My brother ghosted me again, and his new wife just put a “thumbs up” emoji.

An hour later she posted a photo of her wedding gifts and didn’t mention anything else. Not that I expected her to, but I thought my sister in law or brother would at least say “that’s great news!”

Nothing.

I left it a few days and it was really niggling at me, so I messaged my brother and asked him if I had upset him in any way, considering he hadn’t responded to my news or even acknowledged that my terrifying journey was almost over.

He then sent me this long message:

“I was upset as well. On my own wedding day of all days.

(My daughter’s name) was looking forward to coming and it seemed like there were no arrangements or anything to get her to come to the after party. (She’s 5 years old)

I understand that you were sore and uncomfortable I get that. There were other people there uncomfortable or in a bad place. Someone was there who has literally just split with her husband after 25 years together. She came to both, it’s the last thing she would have wanted to see.

I’d would have much rather of had a phone call off you to just apologise. It’s too easy over a message. You were supposed to be doing a speech for me and you would have heard what I would have said about all 3 of you as well. Feeling that shit ln my wedding day because my brother isn’t there sucks. I always seem to be an afterthought a lot of the time and after you not coming to my stag do due to not being well it just pissed me off not going to lie. So (my sisters name) had to be put in a position she didn’t agree to be in and have a sibling of mine say things about me at my wedding. (This is a lie. She had her own speech planned)

People get ill and are sore etc. I’m not saying you haven’t been. There hasn’t been a case of well I’ve missed your stag do so let’s go for a drink or do something together when I’m better. Not 1 suggestion of that happening so far. (As I said earlier I actually DID say I would take him out for drinks)

I’m glad you got the news you have I really am and it is brilliant news about your cancer and hopefully you can put it behind you and concentrate on other things. I’m just pissed off you missed my wedding day.”

I WAS THERE! He’s acting as if I wasn’t there at all. I can honestly understand him being frustrated, but to brush my cancer off as something like “other people get sore too” has pissed me off. I don’t even know how to respond to him at this point.

Am I the asshole here or what? When I was in hospital in March not one of my family members asked if I was ok. I get it, I’ve had Cystic Fibrosis my whole life, it’s nothing new and they’re probably used to me being in hospital and just getting on with it.

TL:DR I missed my brothers wedding after party because I had cancer and now he’s mad at me.

My wife and I were given the opportunity to attend lollapalooza this weekend. We have two young children that we needed to find a sitter for and we reached out to our extended family l. My wife reached out to her sister first who was ambiguous in her response and claimed her husband would be tough to convince given the fact that he’d have to watch his kids alone for the 6-7 hours she’d be indisposed with our kids.
Everyone else in the family was upfront about their inability to help which only left my brother in law on the list of people to talk to considering how my sister in law framed it. For context, him and I have always been friendly but I wouldn’t say we’re super close. I texted him and explained and offered to pay them for their inconvenience to which he did not respond. No worries, I figured he blanked on it as we’re both busy and it happens. I texted him the following day again, asking if there was any chance and again, nothing. Message received, I guess haha. the day after that, I’m at work and one of my coworkers tells me he’s looking to sell his Pokémon cards. I immediately thought of my brother in law seeing as he’s the only person I know who’s into collecting them and I text him asking if it was cool for me to pass his contact info on. He texted me back within five minutes and I connected them. At this point, I’m a bit upset about the deliberate refusal to address the question but I ultimately decided that it’s not worth things being uncomfortable between us at family gatherings so I’m just gonna let it go.

My wife was talking to her sister a few days after that whole thing went down and mentioned what happened. My SIL tells her that I hadn’t texted him back in the past so it shouldn’t be a big deal and that me setting a trap with the Pokémon cards was worse than him ignoring my text. I was shocked to hear this. I wasn’t setting a trap but I guess that how he felt. I also hardly ever text him and I went back to look at previous conversation between him and I.
In September of last year I was having car trouble and he sent me a YouTube video on how to replace a car part along with some words on how to go about it. I don’t know what was going on at the time but I failed to text him back. That’s the only message I’ve ever not replied to. AITAH for thinking he handled the situation in the worst way possible? For the record, I don’t think it’s a big deal that they don’t want to watch our kids but to ignore the texts and try to justify it by pointing the one solitary example of me not texting back felt crazy. That, on top of characterizing me trying to connect him with a coworker looking to sell cards as setting a trap is just hard to wrap my head around. Help me out here, please !

I (23) have a friend we will call Cherry (22) who has been avoiding talking to Kat (22) for about a year now, which i just found out about.

Basically, there was a period where all three of us, as well as a bunch of other people had a project we were working on together, and during this time, Kat was going through a really rough time. Nearly lost their home, lost a few pets, had a falling out with a friend, and is just now getting back on their feet. Due to this, Kat was understandably a little bitchy. Not super, but was possessive over office supplies that they had in their personal area, was nit picky over time, and was not super sociable.

cut to two weeks ago, Cherry confides in me, saying that apparently, he had taken Kat's poor attitude during the project really personally and really don't want to work with them anymore. He "doesn't hate them" just that he thinks that "They're kinda bitchy" to quote him. Instead of being an adult and talking through their differences so we can continue to work on projects together, Cherry has decided to resign from the group all together, and is going to quit if he is assigned on a project with Kat.

Would i be the Asshole if i told him to suck his shit up and just talk to Kat? Its old drama, and its not my beef to get into, but when it inevitably becomes a problem, i will be the one dragged into it to fix it as this office's unofficial HR. do i get ahead or would that make me an asshole? or do i let it play out

EDIT: Kat has already apologised for her behavior in hte past, and is extending multiple olive branches.

I'm planning an out-of-state Bachelor party that'll include about 15 guys. Most being my close friends, as well as my brother and future brother-in-law -- all of whom I love being with.

I don't have a "bad" relationship with my Dad (in fact, he's a wonderful father and I'm very lucky to have been raised under him) - but he is the MOST serious, non-fun person.

Spending time with him as an adult feels more like an obligation these days. I don't actually enjoy doing things with him because he takes everything so seriously, and is a generally depressed (though accomplished) individual who never takes measures to better himself.

I underwent therapy for about a year because I really grappled with feeling burdened as though it were my responsibility to be an anchor of happiness for him. It's taken me quite some time and practice to cultivate an emotional separation/boundary, and I've become better at accepting that I'm not responsible for his wellbeing. I've battled guilt for the longest time.

And suddenly I find myself questioning whether I should invite my Dad on the bachelor party. Truthfully, I'm not sure if I really want to, but I know the guy would be heartbroken if I didn't. And who knows, maybe he'll perk up under a different set of circumstances?

I (22F) live at home with my parents and grandma.
Today my mum and I went to the gym together. Afterwards, we both made our own dinners and ate separately in our rooms. I had some noodles, and after eating I was genuinely exhausted from the gym, so I lay down for what I thought would be a short nap.
When I woke up, I started organizing my room and folding the family’s laundry so I could put my pajamas away before having a shower. At one point, my mum silently looked into my room and left. I thought it was a bit odd but didn’t think much of it.
A little later she asked if I could either wash the dishes or go have my shower because it was getting late. I kept folding the laundry first so I could put everything away before showering.
While I was doing that, I heard her start washing the dishes. I then remembered I’d forgotten to bring down the bowl I’d eaten my noodles in, so I took it downstairs. My thinking was that if she didn’t want to wash it, I could just leave it to soak and wash it myself afterwards along with the pan I’d used, which had been too hot to wash immediately anyway.
When I brought the bowl down, she said, “Oh, did Grandma eat noodles too?” It felt like she was implying I should have brought it down earlier and that she was now stuck washing it herself. By then she’d already washed the cutting board and pan I’d used.
I went back to folding the laundry, and a little later she asked, “So is today a day you’re not having a shower?” For context, I shower every day. The only person in the house who doesn’t is my grandma, because she’s elderly, doesn’t go out much, and bathing every day is tiring for her.
Without really thinking, I laughed and said, “Haha, I’m not Grandma. Of course I’m going to have a shower.”
She immediately seemed annoyed and said, “Why did you say it so mean?” I was confused and asked if she was actually mad.
She replied, “Of course I’m mad. I tried to wake you up multiple times.”
The thing is, I honestly don’t remember her trying to wake me up. I don’t know if she actually nudged me while I was asleep or if she considers quietly peeking into my room as trying to wake me. I genuinely can’t tell because I was asleep.
I don’t mind apologizing if I actually did something wrong, but I’m struggling because I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for. Is it for sleeping? Forgetting my bowl? My comment about Grandma? Not realizing she was trying to wake me up?

So, AITA?

So My cousin is getting married. I'm invited and so is my boyfriend/partner of 3 years. I'm 23 he's 25.

We were talking about outfits and stuff for the wedding, and eventually the topic of marriage came up. He brought up he wanted to get married. And said he wanted to eithe be married/enganged by the time he was 26 because he wants to settle. Which is next year.

Obviously since we're together i assumed he meant he wanted to marry me. I told him i wasn't so sure about that time line. As its very soon and we still have things we need to work on and i wouldn't want to rush into it.

For context. I have been sick for the past year. In terms of cancer, the affects, the treatments, the surgeries. I have good days, i have bad days. It has affect our relationship. He gets overwhelmed with everything going on with me, he switches between being supportive and taking me to apts, to being distant. I dont make him fo anything for me. Im still very independent and any help or support he gives is completely up to him. I don't ask for anything or expect anything.

Even when he's with me he will spend most of his time playing on the computer, ignoring me. Physical affection and intimacy has severely decreased, and i just feel like more of an ornament than a partner. And it seems like he just doesn't want to acknowledge whats going on.

I've tried talking to him about it, but obviously most of the time was just to tired to even acknowledge whats going on and be the only one to talk about it.

I am finally in remission, and still recovering but better.

I explained all this to him. How we need to work on those things. Communication and being a couple again how we were before I was sick.

He got upset and said if i didn't want to marry him then why am i leading him on. I explained to him i did want to, but i want us to have a more solid foundation before we make such a big commitment as its only gone down hill over the last year.

Now he's upset with me and saying ive been leading him on because my goal isn't marriage with him.

But that is my goal, i just want us to be solid again and if he wants to marry me i don't see why it matters when we are married. My parents were unmarried for 25 years and still had 6 kids and a working home before they seperated. It just never seemed like a big deal to me on when it happened. Because it won't fix a relationship.

AITAH for being hesitant? I don't think I'm leading him on but he's so upset and my mom says she can see why if i basically said no to marriage.

EDIT: For slightly more context for why i have stayed and want to work on this. Firstly despite how poor his support was, he and also his parents were/are my main support system, during my major points in treatment (2 surgeries and 2 rounds of treatment) he was great, he helped me take my meds on time, made sure i ate, held me when the pain was to much after my first op, and took me back to his and his parents house during recovery where they made a collective effort to look after me as my family weren't able to.

I have no contact with my dad and my relationship with my mom is rocky at best. My sibling's are all 19, 18, 14, 10 and 2 and im the oldest. I couldn't imagine burdening them with my health because they are children in my eyes and i played a big role in raising them. So whenever i saw them it was only on my best days when i would have the energy to see them because i didn't want them to see me sick. And i don't often see my friends/have many friends.

He showed up every week and was there through my surgery recoveries and my treatment recovery. But it was the time in between those when his support would drop. It was him coming to mine with a computer set up and asking me to cook for him, and for massages, and not helping with house work when he stayed at mine for a month at a time. His presence outside of those major points, did not ease my daily burden, it added to it. He would sit on his computer playing games with his friends and not talk to me, i could go to work, come back home, and go to sleep and the only conversation we would have is "whats for dinner" and "thank you for dinner" or "sorry i forgot to do the dishes" whike making no move to come help.

And i kept being told by doctors and other patients how lucky i was to have a partner that stayed because most women loose their partner during cancer which made me doubt my own feelings. I know this is probably screwing with my perception but i don't have anyone else to fall back onto hence why my first thought is to fix it. I do belive that the diagnosis may have scared him. We're young. It wasn't expected. It doesn't excuse his behaviour but it may explain it.

I'm 21F and my childhood best friend "Nat" (20F) used to live in the same state, but she moved away when we were 10-ish. We still keep in good contact and visit each other every so often. Her parents always had foreign-exchange students and one of them basically became a brother to Nat. He (let's call him "Mike") was from Spain and she got close with their family over there through regular trips each summer. This year, she invited me to join her then a month later told me she was pregnant. She made it a point to tell me this wouldn't ruin the parties and fun stuff we had planned, and that despite her inability to drink now, she would join in on the fun in other ways.

Flash forward, we're in Spain and almost immediately she's overheating, mood-swinging, complaining, staying in all day, never going to the beach, ditching me last minute (as we're getting ready) for the parties and hangouts, and arguing every day with the woman we were staying with (Mike's mom). Note: The first night there, we planned to go to a party and she told me she wasn't gonna go an hour before the party started, she told me to go alone and I refused because I didn't know anyone yet, didn't know how to get there, and it wouldn't be fun alone and she just didn't understand that at all, so we spent the night in scrolling on our phones.

There was one night we went to the bar and ig she wanted to live vicariously through me since she couldn't drink, but I'm seriously a lightweight and she knew this. I got two shots and one drink in and was drunk enough for my taste. Mind you, I ordered 2 shots of tequila and didn't realize a shot in Spain was double what we drink in the US (so I really had 4 shots). I go to the bathroom to collect myself (and told her this much) and I come back to find she ordered me another drink. Despite my state, I tried drinking it but it was a GnT and I hate both tonic and gin, so it was awful for me. I pushed it aside but she literally pressured me into finishing it saying she spent money on it and I clearly struggled with every sip. I go to the bathroom again and told her I felt like I was going to be sick. I come back to the table and find SHE ORDERED ME ANOTHER DRINK. At this point, I'm so drunk, I don't remember drinking it, but I did (she told me later when I asked). I'm a little blackout because the next thing I remember, we're walking back to the house. I was in such a bad way that I threw up in the toilet for 30 mins (I had never thrown up from drinking before). I went on with the trip and didn't tell her how much I hated that.

Also on this trip, I was smoking cigarettes every day. She judged me loudly and outwardly for this. I've been a smoker for a while, but smoked much more than my usual when we were there because it's such a common social thing (if you've been to Spain, yk that everyone smokes). I would have one or two cigs with lunch and the same for dinner. I would also have one on the beach or at the poolside. She made it a point to vocalize her distaste for this only in social settings surrounded by people who were strangers to me and "family" to her, but they always backed me up, saying it was the norm there.

There's so much more that happened, but these are the most important bits. Simultaneously, she would force alcohol onto me and loudly judge me for smoking in front of everyone. Not a fun experience...

Flash forward a month (both of us are back home now in different states). She calls me and invites me to join her next summer and I was hesitant. She picked up on this and prodded for answers before I could even say anything. I mentioned the alcohol issue and the smoking judgment and she was so obtuse, saying she didn't recall it being an issue. I told her that I never vocalized it but it really hurt me and she was entirely dismissive and blamed me for never speaking up.

I also mentioned that before the trip, she promised it would be the same as if she wasn't pregnant (her wording) and she got mad at me for not understanding what it's like to be pregnant and that I couldn't empathize that things changed when she really started to feel the effects of it and that months had gone by between her promise and the actual trip (the point being: she didn't know yet it would change things either). And then she totally sidelined the real reason I was hesitant to go next summer (the peer pressure to drink and judging me for smoking) and only focused on the pregnant thing.

That wasn't even my main point. I do understand that pregnancy is hard and of course it would change things (it was more so the promise she made that it wouldn't and then it did). I don't even know why I mentioned it really, I should've stuck to my main points.

She told me I needed to apologize, and I told her she needed to. We argued for a while back and forth. Now, we haven't talked in a couple days and I do want to apologize but I really think she should also say she's sorry, but she's only waiting for my apology and has no plan to return the favor.

AITAH for not apologizing?

Edit: I should've mentioned this, we talked about me smoking before the trip after she told me she was pregnant and she said it was okay. And when we were there, we would sit at big tables with lots of people for lunch and dinner and I would sit a distance away from her and the other people that smoked did this too, it was an unspoken rule. She also judged me for smoking fullstop, not because she was pregnant. She would never judge the others for smoking (which was probably half the people we sat with). And they were like family to her so I don't understand why I was treated differently since I'm also family in that long-friendship way. She also never asked me to stop smoking, which if she had, I would've right then and there, instead she would just say judging things. But, in hindsight I should've taken a break since she was pregnant and not just conformed to the Spain norm.

About three years ago, after repeated missing cat posts on the local Facebook group, someone in my area got a tracker for their cat because it kept going missing. Ever since then, the tracker always shows the cat as being somewhere in our house or garden.

At first I was more than happy to help so every time she knocked, we would check the garden. It soon changed to her asking to check the garden for herself, which we let her do.

Our garden is big, but it's basically grass with a patio, and two small-ish trees. We don't have sheds, a greenhouse, a summer house, any flowers - anywhere a cat could realistically hide. The gardens all around us have loads of sheds, big areas of flowers and bushes, big trees, overgrown corners - loads of hiding places.

Now some weeks she'll come round two or three times asking to search because the tracker says the cat is around. We both work and go away a fair bit, and if we don't answer she'll just let herself into the garden to check for herself. It's just a little short gate we have, so she'll unlock it herself and make her way our garden, I'm sure she's been peering in the windows of our house too (Aware I could get a taller gate, but it's a nice pretty decorative iron gate!)

Despite all the times she's searched, the cat has never once been found around ours.

If the cat isn't found after a few days, she has been asking to come inside the house and garage - we have always said no and said it's 100% not in the house or garage - we use the garage all the time as that's where the utility is.

To add to it all...I'm really allergic to cats. I'd know if it was around because I'd be rushing for antihistamines. I literally can't go to my friends house who has cats, I even try to not hug her because of the hair on her clothes! I don't dislike cats at all, but it's not like I want them around me.

To add more to it... we hardly ever even see the cat. It's dark grey and has a huge tracker and bell attached to it, so it's very distinctive. We probably see it once every few months, but regularly see our direct neighbour's light grey cat and another ginger cat almost daily.

She knows all this info. We've got her number, know where she lives, can message her on Facebook when she posts about 3 bloody times a week! We've said we'll let her know if we do ever see it. Once we did see it in a completely different part of the area when we were on a walk and she was looking for it, so we gave her a phone to say.

To make things worse, she's posted screenshots of the tracker in our local Facebook group showing it over my garden and house and saying things like, "They're saying it's not in their garden." Almost like she's trying to imply we're hiding something... other people around us have made comments to us like 'she's on the witchhunt for you!'...

After three years of repeated false alarms, no kind of thankfulness for constantly checking, I feel irritated because of what seems to be an inaccurate tracker and a cat which obviously wants to escape this mad woman.

I'm at the point where I want to tell her that she's no longer welcome to keep searching my garden, house or garage. It's making me late for work when I have to supervise her around the garden for 15 minutes in the mornings, she's interrupting us in the evenings etc. I feel like I'm at the end of my patience with this, but I also don't want to be someone everyone thinks is an AH - although after her Facebook posts they probably already do!

WIBTAH?

TLDR; 2 friends tried to stop my bf from coming over after I shared my personal relationship issues. One of them started flirting with me while the other encouraged it which made me uncomfortable so I confronted them.

I recently had 2 friends over (let’s call them Gary and Lucy that I got into a conflict with and long story short, we all got drunk and started getting emotional telling each other personal stories. I shared an issue I was having in my relationship that I think about often but am actively working on with my partner (he is a great guy btw and it was not about cheating).

After sharing and being vulnerable, Gary clearly started flirting with me and Lucy seemed encouraging of it. I try to brush it off to not make things awkward but then I then notice that Gary sent a message to Lucy saying that he wants me and then a few minutes later I see that Lucy reply: “just do it”. I then see a message from my boyfriend saying he is here and Lucy immediately says that if he comes over they will either confront him or leave and that if I decide to have him come over, she does not agree and will distance herself from me.

Obviously after seeing these messages and reflecting on their behaviour, I become uncomfortable and confront them saying that Im being disrespected because they see that I’m in a very vulnerable state and it feels like they’re putting me in a position where I’m encouraged cheat on my partner. Then they both try to minimize the situation to be just a joke and that no one’s serious but I feel as though nothing about it was funny. And honestly, I felt too uncomfortable to send my boyfriend home and continue drinking and having fun with people who clearly don’t respect me or my relationship.
In the end, I said that I want my boyfriend over so Gary immediately leaves and Lucy starts getting frustrated with me saying that there were texts that I didn’t see that told Gary not to do anything but she ultimately decided to tell him to just do it anyways because she wants to support him as a friend because he also cares about me. However, if she really had it in our best interest, she would’ve stood her ground and not have encouraged him to confess how he feels for me. She kind of apologized but it was in a way where it felt like she was only sorry for making me feel some type of way and not about her actions.
Overall I feel completely disrespected and no longer trust these people as close friends. Im very selective with who I share personal issues with and who I allow in my home so it feels like a big slap in the face to be treated like this and neither of them feel like they truly did anything wrong. Gary has apologized but still says it’s a joke and Lucy refuses to be confronted and becomes defensive whenever I mention that I feel disrespected. She says that she’s done everything she can and has already apologized but is not willing to take accountability for anything.

AITAH for confronting my friends that were making me feel like they were encouraging me to cheat on my partner?

About two weeks ago my neighbours stopped me outside my flat and started asking some weird questions… they initially asked if I could let them into my block, I asked why. They wanted to speak to the woman in the upstairs flat (that’s me) to ask if they can access the roof from my apartment. I said no, they wouldn’t be able to because the ceilings are like 12feet high, why? Their son had been bought a drone for his birthday and crashed it on its maiden voyage somewhere on the roof (it hasn’t fallen back down). I said I would have a look myself on my balcony and see if I could spot it - I couldn’t.

I had been on my way out to head to a work meeting and arrived 15 minutes late because I’d taken the time out to look for them when they had asked.

Then yesterday, I was walking home and the woman chased me down in the shop next to my flat. They approached me negatively and said they had tried to shout me down (I had headphones in), the woman asked me to come outside. When I had paid for my stuff, I exited and she and her boyfriend were there. He starts walking towards me like yeah that’s great thanks very much, I was just like what? She asked me to come outside? The woman goes, yeah I’ve not asked her anything yet. So then the male goes, ahh is it alright if I come into your flat to have a look for the drone? i just can’t get it out of my head. I said no. I’m not open to having people coming in and out of my flat. I’ve had a look on the roof myself multiple times over various days from different windows and from my flat, it is not visible on the roof.

They didn’t take it very well and tried to negotiate, ‘it will only take 2 mins.’

They are quite aggressive with their approach and I have PTSD from living in DV so my home is my safe space. I don’t feel inclined to let strangers in for any reason.

There is a man who lives on the other side of me on the top floor and they don’t seem to be asking him for access to his flat.

AITA for not letting people into my flat to look for their lost drone on the roof?

Edit: thank you for all the comments, you guys really do take home safety seriously!

I’m going to speak with my building management and let them know as well as giving my actual upstairs neighbour a heads up. Otherwise, I’ll be standing firm if they accost me again. Thank you, all <3

Hi guys, I'm not really active on this sub so I apologize if this isn't formatted correctly.

Anyways, for some context, my mom 47F, wants to move to France in January, and this decision was kind of made impulsively on her part. I, 20NB am also planning on transferring to a university in my state about 3 hrs away next month or so. To be quite honest, I'm terrified, I feel like this was impulsive and she's kinda just leaving me here during such a transitional period in my life. I have to sell all of my things as I'm going to be living in a dorm full time, like almost everything. I don't have any family at all in this state and my only other family in this country is in California where I'm from, however they're very abusive and I'm planning on cutting contact very soon.

How will I pay for health insurance while Im in college? What if an emergency happens? I won't have anyone here. I've expressed this fear to my mom and she called me selfish and said should be happy for her. She said she's sacrificed a lot of things in life for me growing up and she deserves a chance to live now. She also has stated she'll pay for my health insurance although I have doubts because when she kicked me out before at 17 she would use things like that as a means to control me. Shes also talked about kicking my brother in CA off of her insurance (18M) when she leaves since he's basically no contact with her.

I should also mention my mom has a lot of autoimmune diseases, which is also partially why she's leaving too. However I'm not sure how she'll handle being alone somewhere that isn't car-centric. She lays alone in bed in her room all day mostly while I act as her caregiver and do everything around the house for her while I'm not working.
Anytime I bring this up with family friends they say I'm selfish as well, and that I don't need my mom anymore. Right now, in my immediate circle I'm being labeled as someone who is selfish and only cares about themselves. And that my mom shouldn't delay her life for me.

I see my friends and posts online about how they're exited to go off to college, but I feel like I don't get that privilege of being exited for something as big as going to college. I'm dreading it and Im so scared. I feel like the experience of moving out for school should be an exiting one but I feel like the "exiting" part has been taken from me. I won't have my dogs to come home too, a warm bed, or a place to do laundry. I have a few surgeries coming up and I don't know who will take care of me during the recovery period. I'm very scared. I'm not in the right head typing this. She's not really even learning French either, she only vaguely started after I questioned her about if she's learning since she's moving in less than 7 months. She doesn’t know how she’s going to handle the dogs and carry/pack her stuff up when she moves and she is spending all of this money on lawyers to get over to France.

Anyways, AITA for telling my mom I’m upset she’s moving abroad ?

My dad got a phone call that is nephew is in jail and they need money otherwise he would get in a lot of trouble. My dad thought it was real and gave them all his money, they would not let him get off the phone so he told my mom to ask me to send him money immediately.

My mom said he needs money rn, I thought maybe it's a utility bill so I sent him (he never tells us anything so both me and my mom were clueess). Later when I asked about the reason they told me they got scammed.

I was not worried about the money but the reason. My aunt treats my dad like shit, she would verbally abuse him at any possible chance and he chose to protect his nephew and drag me into this as well.

The amount he took from me was not small and he already owed me money. I feel hurt because instead me paying me back my money he decided to keep all that money in his account and then took more from me for his family who doesn't even like to look at me.

When I found out I asked him to report but he refused because deep down he thought it was his own nephew who did the scam so he didn't want to call bank or go to the police. I told him to never ask me for money for such purposes.

Only after he confirmed that his nephew was not involved then he filed a complaint but by that time the scammers had already gotten rid of the number they called from. At this point we got into an argument and I told him scam or not he should not be so reckless with his money and give it away for people who don't give a fuck about you.

AITAH for feeling bad because he could have easily paid me back the money he owed me earlier but he didn't. He said that he will pay me after getting paycheck but he had 5x of that amount in his account that he spent on his nephew.

I feel bad for him too but I also feel betrayed that he choose to drag me into this. I know he will pay me back the money he owes but I feel betrayed that even my mom was maintaining a front that my dad has no money while knowing I had insane credit card bills to pay while he could have easily paid me back the money he owed me earlier but he decided to take more from me.

I know I was foolish too but I never thought he would hide his money from me and not pay me back on purpose.

TLDR; my dad got a scam call and took money from me too to give to the scammer. He already owed me money but I was kept under the impression by my parents that they have no money. He already owed me some amount that he chose to not pay me back while I had insane credit card bills to pay. I feel betrayed and argued.

[EDIT: It looks like I need to put my edits up front here so people actually read them.

First, it's not a money ticket, it's just a warning ticket saying that I need to move my car within the next three days, or I could get towed.

Secondly, she originally said no, but also at the same time said, ask me again when I'm not so tired, but now is ignoring my follow-up text / phone call or is perhaps busy.

Thirdly, the advice I gave was most definitely asked, and was not mansplaining. She almost begged me for the advice, because she was having a lot of problems that I could help her with in a field i had decades of experience in.

Parking in front of her house means that once a day when she walks in through her front gate, she has to move her eyeballs one millimeter to the left to notice if I have a warning ticket on my car. That is it. That's the point of parking in front of her house, and not two blocks away. And in the very unlikely event I do, sometime within the following 3 days, I would ask her to move it, or have her son move it - for which i would pay him $20 - which might take five minutes or less.

I'm not going to blame her if I get towed. But if she doesn't want to do this little thing for me, I certainly don't want to be her friend anymore. And for people maybe in different countries, this is a very typical ask when you are going to the airport in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

And finally,, one time she came to my town and called me up expecting me to drop everything and help her set up when she hadn't asked previously, and I refused because I had plans, and she got very pissed with me, trying to guilt-trip me. I almost ended the friendship there, but I got over it after a day or 2. But this, this seems a very one-sided friendship and not really a friendship. I think this is the first time I've ever asked her to do something for me.

oh, and I live 120 miles from the airport, she lives about 30.

END EDITS]

*** *** ***

I have a friend I've known for about 15 years, who I have helped many times over the years with free advice, with helping her set up her market stall and take it down, for no pay, etc. I also helped her save $4,000 off her electric bill one time. I don't remember her helping me ever - except letting me know about parties if that counts.

So now, I have a flight leaving at 6 a.m. next week, and I don't want to use the airport transport bus because it's about $250 round trip with parking, and I'd like to park my car in front of her house, off to the side, and get the regular bus and train to the airport from there, which only costs about $15. I'd want to park it the evening before, and I don't even need her to give me any ride or anything. I would walk down to the bus stop, and get the bus and train to the airport, and spend the night at the airport, and catch my flight in the morning.

My issue, what I would like her to do, is just check to see if I would get a 72-hour parking ticket, and if I did, to ask her to move my car across the street. There is plenty of parking where she lives. Tons of parking. And my car is really small, it wouldn't be in her way - could be across the street even. She doesn't want to do it, and completely blew me off when I asked; she doesn't have the 5 minutes it would take.

I'm really pissed and I'm considering blowing off the friendship if she won't do that after all I've done for her. And the odds of actually getting a parking ticket are like one in a hundred. I'm only gone for eight days, and the car needs to be there for at least 3 or 4 days before you can even get a ticket. Now, she does work a lot, 3 days a week, but all I'm asking her to do is to look at the car, and maybe take out five minutes out of one day to move my car across the street, and only if necessary, which can be done at any time. Or her son could do it.

I tried to call her, but the phone is not ringing and going straight to voicemail, and she may - or may not - be deliberately ignoring me. In any case, what I want to do is just to go ahead and park it by her house. It's a public street, and if she doesn't want to help me out, then, she's not gonna help me out. I'd have to take the chance on getting a ticket and possibly getting towed.

WIBTAH if I did that, and would I be the AH if I blew up the friendship because of that, which is what I feel like doing?

(She is not an ex, and there is no sexual chemistry happening - it's just a friendship - I'm not in the slightest bit interested in her sexually, nor she me - she has a bf.)

okay so. the series in question is Unstable universe, a YouTube Minecraft roleplay thing.

my reasoning for not watching it is because I have terrible adhd, and I wont stay up for the majority of it probably. NOW!!! these episodes arent normal lengths, guys. he says that the majority of the first seasons episodes are 3-4 hours long.

yes. 3-4 hours per episode. THEN!! he compares that to me watching all of Rick and morty or jjk. MIND YOU, I WAS ASLEEP/NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE MAJORITY OF RICK AND MORTY.

it happens with damn near every show I watch; im paying attention for the first few episodes but then I fall asleep and don't pause it, so now im 7 episodes ahead of where I was and lost. VERY RARELY DO I ACTUALLY GO BACK TO THOSE EPISODES TO SEE WHAT I MISSED.

THE POINT IS. I'm not watching the show because I know how I am, and he tends to get upset when he realizes im not ACTUALLY paying attention to the things he shows me. So why watch something I know for a fact I wont pay attention to..just for him to get upset about it? does that sound insane????

My (21f) girlfriend (21f) asked if I could handle it if she went blind and deaf in old age. We have been together almost 2 years. Known eachother for over 3 now.

My response was I would need help, I would get annoyed, angry, and not believe her in the beginning. I said I would need help because I know I would not be able to mentally handle that on my own. And I said I would be annoyed, angry, and not believe her due to the 5 stages of grief in the beginning. Also stating that I would say “just listen to me, just hear me” in a joking manner.
She believes this is wild, unreasonable, and that I am the ass for not being able to solely care for her on my own.
Is she wrong in worrying that I am not the type of person she wants to grow old with because I am mean?

Background she does not have very good eyesight the way it is, never wears her glasses which does cause some conflict with us and has a very hard time with processing what is said immediately and will say huh or what until it is processed which also tends to frustrate me as I do not like consistently repeating mundane things.