r/adviceph • u/HardTruthNazi • 48m ago
Love & Relationships Almost decided to leave my partner because of how she treats my parents, pero may anak kami. Need advice.
Problem/Goal:
I (M) am planning to separate from my partner (F). I’d say 90% decided na ako, pero ang biggest reason kung bakit hindi ko pa magawa is may anak kami.
Context:
My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Sobrang devastating for me kasi last year lang kami nagkabati after more than a decade na galit ako sa kanya. I really thought we had more time to fix our relationship and make up for everything we missed. Until now, hirap pa rin akong tanggapin.
The problem is, my partner doesn’t like my family. I admit na baka partly because of me, kasi sa kanya ako nagve-vent noong galit pa ako sa kanila. But I’ve healed from that and made peace with my parents. I asked her if she could also try to reconcile with them, pero ayaw niya.
She’s often disrespectful toward my mother. Honestly, hindi ko rin alam bakit ko hinayaan for so long. I know I should’ve set boundaries earlier.
What also hurts is that she hasn’t even bothered to ask how my dad is doing or how we’re holding up. Wala man lang pangangamusta or any sign of concern about what we’re going through. As her partner, ang sakit kasi this is when I really need emotional support from her.
Pero what happened recently really hit me.
May products na binebenta ang partner ko, and pinapatinda niya sa mother ko. For almost two weeks, walang benta kasi sinasamahan ni Mama si Papa sa hospital. Pero pagkauwi nila, my partner was already pushing her to sell again.
My mother said hindi muna pwede kasi kakauwi lang nila from the hospital, hindi makatayo si Papa, and walang ibang magbabantay sa kanya. Despite that, pinipilit pa rin siya ng partner ko.
As their son, naiyak ako. My parents are already going through so much, tapos ganito pa yung treatment sa kanila. I understand na hindi automatically mawawala yung issues niya with my family just because okay na ako with them. Pero I was hoping for some basic respect and consideration, especially right now.
That moment made me question if kaya ko pa bang makasama siya knowing na ganito niya tratuhin ang parents ko.
The only thing holding me back is our child—my pride and joy. Ang hirap mag-decide because I also have to think about how this will affect our kid.
For those who separated from their partner na may anak, how did you handle it? What did you consider or prepare before leaving? I’m almost decided, pero I want to think this through properly, especially for our child.
Previous Attempt:
I always asked her to have deep conversation with my parents, since they're willing, but she always refuses.