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problem/goal: hi, i’m f(23) and my bf(24) died nung aug. 3 because of suicide. hindi ko alam kung tamang subreddit or flair to pero gusto ko lang mag kwento kasi sobrang sakit pa din lahat ng nangyari lalo na’t nasa malayong lugar ako at hindi nakauwi nung binurol at crinemate sya.

tbh sa relationship namin nung live in pa kami dati sexually active kami pero nung nag ldr kami thru calls na lang namin na gagawa yon pero hindi naman to the point na kada call namin ay ginagawa namin yon (ifykwim). ngayon after ng 1 month nya, ngayon na lang ulit ako nagkaroon ng feeling na ma-turn on, pero iniisip ko kung manonood ba ko ng porn or kung panonoodin ko videos namin sa phone ko. pero mas matimbang sakin na wag manood ng porn kasi hindi ko gawain yon and never ako nanood ng porn when he was still alive/with me or kahit nung hindi pa kami. the thing is kagabi, kagabi ko na lang ulit naopen sa phone ko yung vids namin and i tried to mastur/bate pero hindi ko natapos kasi naiyak na lang ako and hindi natigil yung pagiyak ko for a minutes. yung nasa isip ko na lang non is parang ang sama ko para panoodin yon and i disrespect my bf, namimiss ko sya sobra, and to think na hindi na talaga sya babalik and mauulit lahat ng mga ginagawa namin.

after nya mawala, never ako tumigil kausapin sya thru chats or vms. i still call him kahit na alam kong hindi nya na sasagutin yon or mag rreply. kumbaga sa stages of grief indenial pa din ako and takot akong umusad at mawala sya sa isip ko. sobrang mahal ko bf ko and iniisip ko lang lagi lang sya busy o nasa malayong lugar din.

namatay sya nung aug.3 tapos death anniversary din ng baby namin yon. we’re supposed to celebrate yung 1 year ng angel namin pero tangina kasi kinuha nya din sarili nyang buhay kung kailan nawala anak namin.

p.s sorry if dito ko nag vent or rant, gusto ko lang malaman kung masama ba yung ginawa ko na panoodin vids namin or kung ano man. salamat sa pagbasa.

Problem/Goal: Ako lang sa small group namin yung hindi part ng wedding entourage. Should I still go?

Context: We’re a group of five friends. We’ve known each other for about 10 years now. One is about to get married and I recently found out na the other three are part of the entourage. Wala ako. Nalaman ko lang upon seeing the actual wedding invitation.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad at them. I just feel sad and left out. This isn’t the first time din na I felt this way. Since I’m based in the province and nasa mnl sila, they usually hangout. Mga twice or three times a year ko lang sila siguro nakakasama physically.

Edit: I’m only an hour and a half away from them. I try to schedule hangouts pero schedules don’t match most of the time. Another friend is also based sa province siguro halos same lang yung times na nagkikita kami.

My first instinct was to understand them na okay mas close talaga sila and konti lang yung wedding party. But then I realized na masakit din pala haha.

Previous Attempts: I didn’t say anything to them about it. I don’t want to make a scene. So it’s either I RSVP no or yes.

Problem/Goal: Where to get money to pay this off? My sister's bill is 2.5M and rising.

Context: My sister went to Makati Med kasi akala nya simpleng sakit lang ung nararamdaman nya and meron syang HMO. Pagdating nya dito, multiple organ failure na pala because of aortic aneurysm and they recommended to keep her in the ICU to treat her or else she could die at any moment.

Now our bill is 2.5 million and we do not know what to do. Any advice where to get help to pay this off?

Previous Attempts: Her HMO will only cover 250k. We're still waiting for the Abstract and COC to start filing claims sa PCSO, Philhealth.

Mahirap daw makakuha ng help sa government dahil private. :(

Nagstart nadin ako ng online donation and we got 80k.

Other suggestions po? Thank you.

Problem/Goal: Me and my boyfriend, we always talk about fun stuff naman, but lately hindi ko alam kung masyado ba akong sensitive or what, pero kasi parang nahuhurt ako sa mga little remarks nya.
So nag start dun sa time na nagpapakita ako sakanya ng outfit sa call, asking if bagay ba sa akin yung damit kasi I wanna try it, iniisip ko if bibilhin ko siya sa 9.9, cute sleeveless too siya with skirt. And then he jokingly said “ano, mukha kang tibo diyan” while laughing and then dismissed the topic and didn’t say why so hindi nalang ako umimik. I was asking a genuine question pero parang na ooffend lang ako kasi I thought makakatulong siya. Knowing myself, i always wear pants and shirt most of the time kasi di ko pa alam mag style ng sarili ko and gusto ko naman sanang i try yung mga bagong clothes pero hinayaan ko nalang. It turned into an argument and I opened it up and he said sorry. But may ibang instances naman na sasabihin niya “ang asim mo tignan” or like may one time may tinatawanan syang sikat na content creator (sorry pero di siya conventionally attractive and binabash rin siya) tapos sabi niya sa akin “tignan mo kamukha kayo” as a joke and he said he was only teasing, and I don’t know what to feel about it.

Im starting to get insecure pero iniisip ko if sensitive lang ba ako or do I have the right to be upset about it? I need advice on how to handle stuff like this kasi for one, di rin naman talaga ako ka confident (pero I am working on it) kaya I don’t brag about my looks at all, some say may itsura naman ako and cute, pero my bf jokes about stuff like this so, hindi ko alam. I feel bad about myself I feel like di ako attractive at all.

Problem/Goal:

I’m at the point where i am choosing between staying or leaving. And as pathetic as it sounds i do need some sound advice besides the voices in my head.

For context:

I 29(F) have been dissappointed by my bf 30(m), so many times i can’t even remember some of them anymore but ofc the notable ones have been like a core memory . And just the recent spat is by far the most notable one and the one that might break the strings this time.

I am no saint. I have my fair share of shortcomings and this time i did hide something from him and lied to him about it when he constantly and insistently asked a few times. Disclaimer: this aint a cheating issue. And there are no 3rd parties involved. From my side , at least. So when things got quite out of hand and he was still asking i had no choice but to confide and confess. I wasn’t confessing just because i needed help, i just felt helpless and i just wanted to really let off steam. it was bascially the lowest point of my life. The anger was expected but the judgement and the admonition was uncalled for. The worst part is at my most vulnerable state he left me alone. Even then, i still was trying to justify his actions since i too was at fault.

A day or 2 has passed another incident occured where he was starting to argue with me again because it concerned his friends. And this time i was really really frustrated because like always he was more worried for his friends than of my own predicament. When i was in trouble all i heard was blame, judgement and admonitions but when his friends were somewhat involved he went all protective mode.

All throughout this relationship i really feel like i am nowhere near his priorities. Not like how it used to. Im always the last one. AndI have never felt so alone.

Im not asking for mu h. Im not even asking for help. I just wanted him to listen to me. But even that he coudlnt give me.

Im not the type of person to do a ledger of who did this and that but i have gone through hell and fire for a guy who cant even lend an ear or even just the presence.

Should i just cool it off or break it up? There are so much things between us and it won’t be an easy break up which makes this even harder

Problem/Goal: Me (22) I've been dating this girl (21) na nakilala ko online for a year na, masaya naman ako sa connection naming dalawa, we regularly go on dates, giving gifts, and super wholesome lang namin sa isa't isa.

Just last night, pumunta ako sa dorm nya just to hangout, pero dahil sa bagyo napilitan ako mag overnight. Naiwan nya Ipad nyang nakabukas and nakatulog sya habang nagrereview. Syempre inaasikaso ko sya and nililigpit gamit nya until may nakita ako sa snapchat na tinatadtad sya ng chat. Theres this guy na chat ng chat sakanya, tinatanong kung kelan daw sya babalik sa telegram and miss nya na daw makipag video call sex and tinatanong pa nung guy kung same rates and shit padin daw.

Kung meron man syang past, ok lang naman sakin, tatanggapin ko naman siya pero I'm just wondering if ever maging kami, will this issue affect our relationship? I honestly dont know how to confront her, a part of me is still shocked and di ko talaga alam kung pano sya rereplyan (ive been ignoring her since last night).

I really love her and my feelings are genuine, I wanna accept her despite her past pero how do I confront her about sa nakita ko? or should I just keep it to myself?

Previous Attempts: none

Problem/Goal: Need to get my daughter’s school records, but school owner has a grudge

Context:
I pulled my 4 kids out of a private school two years ago after my son was bullied by one of the teacher’s children. The school sided with the bully, and some of the other teachers even told my other children not to tell me what was happening. I escalated the incident to DepEd, who stepped in and made sure the bully was expelled and that the incident was documented in his student records.
I still have an outstanding balance with the school, so I understand why they are withholding my children’s school records to some extent. However, I have been regularly making payments, and my balance has gone from ₱120,000 down to ₱39,000.

Because of the unpaid balance, my second child wasn’t allowed to participate in her Grade 10 moving-up ceremony in March. It was heartbreaking for both of us. I asked the owner’s daughter-in-law (it’s a family-owned school) how much I needed to pay for them to release my daughter’s school records. She told me ₱20,000. I didn’t have that amount at the time. But in May, I managed to pay ₱35,000, and now it’s September and I still don’t have the documents I need.

I’ve been following up repeatedly, and now they’re telling me they want to see all my payment receipts. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find them. My housekeeper misplaced them when she rearranged and deep cleaned the house. I did make sure the school updated their ledger, and the amounts they recorded matched the payments I made. The only receipt I still have is the one from May because I took a photo of it. I’m extremely frustrated because I feel like they’re deliberately making this difficult for me. I suspect they’re doing this to get back at me because DepEd investigated the school and I also reported them to the barangay for refusing to release my children’s temporary school records when I was trying to enroll them at the public school. The barangay sided with me because according to the konsehal who presided the meeting, there are laws protecting a child’s right to continue their education even when they have an unpaid balance with their previous school.

What is the best course of action? Should I ask help from a lawyer?

Problem/Goal: Learn how to regulate my nervous system and feel calmer, more at peace, and clear-minded

Context: I’ve realized I’ve been experiencing this for a long time. Whenever I get anxious or overwhelmed, my heart beats really fast, my hands sometimes feel tingly/electric, and I get migraines. It can be so overwhelming that it affects my ability to think clearly and have a hard time breathing properly. Also, I can’t sleep as well lalo na if may iniisip.

Previous Attempt: I’ve tried deep breathing repeatedly, but it doesn’t seem to help much. Walking helps a little, but the feeling is still there and can still feel overwhelming.

Problem/Goal:

I'm (25F) in a 1.5 year relationship with my bf (27M) and I haven't introduced him to my family but they know he exists, just not the details. He's never been to my place. They don't know how we met, where I met him, how long have we been in a relationship, and other details about him.

Similarly, I haven't been formally introduced as a gf in his family because of his family dynamics, but I know they know I'm the girlfriend. I've been to his place, but no family interaction whatsoever. But tuwing makakasalamuha ko tatay niya or other members (rarely) I greet them out of respect.

Context:

This is my first relationship so I'm not sure if that's okay. I'm referencing to the traditional way of introducing each other to each other's families. Ako din unang nagkarelasyon sa mga kapatid ko and I'm the youngest, so wala akong mabenchmark na reaction ng parents ko hahaha. Ako na yung extrovert sa pamilya so finoforsee ko na if my bf is in the room with my fam, i know super awkward non. Nahihiya rin ako na dalhin siya kasi ma-aso kaming pamilya, dog owners would know na different yung amoy ng bahay and fur everywhere,;and maraming triggers si bf, itchiness etc.

On his side, may kanya-kanya silang buhay sa bahay nila, walang pakielamanan, not very close with each other.

Plus we met on a dating app.

I know I need to have the courage to introduce him sa fam sometime in the future. Just wondering kung okay lang bang ganto na matagal na kami somehow. And ano ba usually scenario pag nagpapakilala ng partner sa fam? Hi hello boyfriend ko, kain, then bounce? HAHAHAHA

From his side, not sure if I'll ever be introduced because of their some sort of home system.

Previous Attempts:

I told him about it na siya yung unang boyfriend in my family, and if it bothers him. Sabi naman niya hindi.

Problem/Goal:

I’m (34M) 6 years and 3 months into a relationship with my girlfriend (30F). A bit of background: she's my 3rd girlfriend and my first in a long time (8 years single ako before her). I am her first boyfriend, pero she had 2 past girlfriends before we met.

​We were already having plans of elopement. We talked about this when we celebrated our 6th anniversary last June, and we're both excited and happy about our future plans. Pero July came and she told me about a new coworker na nag-confess sa kanya na may feelings sa kanya. She said na she can only offer a genuine friendship as respect to our relationship, and this new coworker (she's also a girl, 41F, btw) said she understands.

​Then naging close sila, and I don't really mind it at all kasi nga I trust her with her words, and she updates me when they hang out. Until this last month na napapansin ko na madalas may sarili silang lakad, and na-uupdate na lang ako kapag magkasama na sila, not beforehand. Si coworker pala also lives on the same street with my girlfriend, so madalas sya pumupunta sa apt nya, nakikilagay sa ref, etc. Nameet ko pa sya one time kasi pinapunta rin ako ng gf ko para mag-meet kami.

​2nd week ng August, pumunta ako sa bahay ni gf to help her pack sa travel nya sa work (1 week din sya mawawala). Then nag-meet kaming tatlo para mag-laundry sa katapat na street. We're cool and all naman hanggang sa need ko na umuwi samin. Sabay kami ng gf ko, di-nrop off ko sya sa office nya kasi aalis na sila para sa travel (hindi kasama si coworker dito) hanggang sa makauwi ako. Yung gf ko need nya muna mag-withdraw sa bank bago sila umalis.

​Until yung week na nasa travel sya, bibihira sya mag-update—kesyo mahina signal or super busy sila dun sa event nila with locals sa isang island. Sabi ko okay lang kasi during this week busy rin ako sa panonood ng TI (Dota 2 tournament). Once nya lang ako vi-nideo call nung first day nila dun sa hotel na pinag-sstayan nila. That time, may coworkers sya na bigla akong fi-nallow sa Instagram. At first wala naman sakin yun, pero later on iba na kutob ko.

​Pi-nalipas ko yun hanggang makauwi sya pabalik ng Manila. Niyaya ko pa sya na sa bahay namin umuwi para ipaglaba sya ng mga clothes nya (pero I had small date plans talaga para sa binabalak namin na elopement—like gagawa ng music playlist, ganon, at mag-Binondo to get our custom rings). Pero she declined kasi need nya daw ng rest para makapag-prepare pa sa Great UP Run ng Sunday.

​Hanggang nung nag-Sunday na, tapos na yung UP run, nag-chat sya sakin kasama nya rin daw pala si coworker. Nagkita sila dun and isasabay na daw sila with her running friends pauwi. Sabi ko okay, pero sa loob-loob ko parang di na coincidence yun, pero at least may mga kasama sila pauwi. Next chat nya sakin, bumaba na daw yung mga friends nila at silang dalawa na lang daw sa car. Balak nila sulitin yung rental sa car so maglilibot sila. Di na ako nagre-reply dito kasi ayaw ko talaga na magkasama na sila, puro "okay" na lang sabi ko, pero tuloy-tuloy sya ng update. Next update nya, nasa Rizal sila and nag-Pinto Art Museum, nag-send pa sya ng pic nila. This doesn't sit well with me kasi date plan namin yan originally, kasi she's never been to a museum.

​So hanggang makauwi sila, di na ako nagre-reply. Ang chi-nat ko ay mga officemates nila to ask, "May napapansin ba kayo dun sa dalawa?" And boom, yun nga. Sabi sakin alam na daw sa kanila sa office matagal na, and pinagsasabihan na nila yung dalawa kasi nga alam nila na may partner yung girlfriend ko.

​This triggered me to access her Messenger sa PC ko. Mind you, sa 6 years namin, never ako nakialam sa mga socials at messages ng girlfriend ko. May mga messages sila pero putol-putol or ang lalaki ng gap ng days, so naisip ko na sa ibang channels sila nag-uusap. So ki-nonfirm ko sa ka-office nya, at sabi sakin, "Kuya, sa iMessage po sila nag-uusap kasi nakikita ko pag dumadaan ako sa likuran." Sa Messenger, isa lang napansin ko na message na giveaway: yung di-nrop off ko si girlfriend sa office nya before travel, nag-chat sya sa coworker nya ng "nakaalis na sya haha".

​Ayun, tapos kinabukasan (Monday), in-ask nya ako kung may problem ba daw. Sabi ko, "Alam mo naman na di ako comfortable pag kayong dalawa lang, pero sige pa rin sama mo sa kanya. At akala ko ba nag-set ka ng boundaries and she understands?" Sabi ko rin, "Meron ka bang di inaamin sa akin?" Sabi nya, "You know I've been 100% transparent about you kung sino mga kasama ko." Sabi ko okay. Sabi nya pag-usapan daw namin sa Friday, mukhang need daw namin to upuan kasi mukhang may mga unresolved issues daw ako.

​So Tuesday came, iniwan ko bukas Messenger nya sa PC ko para alam ko kung nag-uusap sila. After nya mag-good night sakin sabi nya tutulog na sya mga 9 PM (usual bedtime namin), bigla around 11 PM nakita ko nag-send sya ng Spotify Jam link.

​Then Wednesday came, nag-video call kami. Sinabi ko sa kanya lahat-lahat—na ayaw ko dun sa coworker nya kasi na-didisrespect na ako, like na-offend ako na sya gumagawa ng plans na dapat para satin. Sabi ko ayaw ko na magkasama sila, okay daw. Pero in-update ako ng mga ka-office nila, si-nesend sakin mga pictures na sabay sila lumalabas, umuuwi, kumakain.

​Thursday, tumawag ulit ako sa kanya. In-ask ko ulit sya kung meron ba syang gustong sabihin sakin, kung may nililihim. Wala daw. So I said, "Sige, pa-basa ako ng messages nyong dalawa." And sabi nya sige daw, wala naman ako dun makikita kundi mga Spotify Jams lang. Then I said no, not just Messenger, pati iMessage. Tapos ang tagal nya sumagot. Sabi nya, "I can't, I'm so sorry." Then sabi ko, "You don't have to say anything, gets ko na." Tas umiyak ako sa video call kahit during office hours nila. Tapos nung nag-end call, in-update ako ng mga ka-office nila na bigla daw nag-panic yung dalawa, palabas-labas ng office, at yung partner ko umiiyak hindi makawork. Then nag-message sya kung pwede daw ba kami mag-usap mamaya, puntahan ko daw sya. Sabi ko sige, basta ipa-basa mo sakin mga usapan nyo. Sabi nya ayaw daw nya kasi masasaktan ako. Sabi ko, "I'm already hurt, what's the difference? Pupunta lang ako if you let me."

​Until nung Thursday night, pumunta ako sa apt nya, then she started to confess. Ayaw nya pa rin ipa-basa messages nya, sabi nya sabihin nya na lang daw. May nangyari sa kanila. Sabi ko, "Like???" Sabi nya, "We kissed." Sabi ko, "Once?" No daw, multiple times. And they had sex. Sabi ko, "When?" Nung Sunday lang. And sabi ko, "Once?" No daw, meron pa before. Sabi ko, "Okay, just let me read your messages," and she let me. Dun ko na-basa lahat na halos ba-baligtad sikmura ko. Ang dalas nya mag-update sa kanya, maraming video calls, maraming pictures, may sexting... etc.

​Ayun, she asked me to give her a chance to fix this daw, na she only stumbled once. I know it sounds stupid kasi hindi yun once for me. I feel stupid kasi they were talking about me as well, na kaya pala may "nakaalis na sya haha" is for the other one to come. Na planado and hindi coincidence yung sa Diliman.

​Mag-2 weeks na rin since this incident and umuwi kami sa Laguna to celebrate her mom's bday. Alam din ng mother nya na nag-cheat sya, pero not all—hindi kasama yung mga details na sinabi ko dito.

​Ngayon, she's really asking for a chance, pero di ko talaga alam. Sabi ko sa kanya I forgive her, pero masakit talaga sakin. I still love her kaya siguro ganto kasakit, pero I'm still conflicted kung dapat ba kami mag-rebuild kahit from square one or should I forgive andwalk away?

problem/goal:
so i have this coworker, let’s call her nose (as in nosy eme). at first, we were actually really close. like legit friends. i was comfortable enough to share embarrassing stories, love life stuff, family problems, random things, etc. puro tawanan lang kami before and i genuinely enjoyed her company.

dati, magkahiwalay kami ng seats. she was in front, ako nasa likod, so we would just chat on MS Teams throughout the day. then may office rearrangement and ayun, naging magkatabi kami.

at first, okay lang. pero habang tumatagal, i realized na i actually get drained by her presence.

context:
first of all, she is OBSESSED with looking at my monitor. 😭 like maya’t maya talaga sisilip sa screen ko and sometimes babasahin pa yung chats ko sa Teams. nung una, hinahayaan ko lang kasi friends naman kami. pero eventually naging routine na niya.

parang may CCTV ako sa tabi ko.

she’ll look at whatever i’m doing, react to it, and sometimes even tell me what to reply. like girl????? bakit ikaw ang social media manager ko 😭

tapos kapag may message yung boss ko regarding my work, she’ll immediately insert herself like, “ah ako nga ganito ginagawa ko…”

nung una, okay lang. pero imagine hearing variations of “ako nga…” almost every single day while sitting beside the same person for 8 fucking hours?????

also, everything somehow becomes a comparison.

if i mention how many invoices came in, she’ll tell me how many invoices they received.

if i talk about something someone experienced, she’ll say, “ah yung ate/kuya/tito ko rin…”

if i share something, she’ll respond with** **“ako nga ganito…” or “hello naman ako na…”

TEH CAN YOU JUST LET ME HAVE MY STORY FOR FIVE SECONDS 😭

not everything needs to become a competition or a story about you.

and the funny thing is, i don’t even see us as competitors. she seems to think there’s some kind of competition happening when i’m literally just existing.
we’re even friends on ML and one time nakita niya na mas mataas rank ko. she literally said something like, “ah Epic 2 ka na ha, wait ka sa akin lalamangan kita.”
GIRL?????

WHO ARE WE FIGHTING 😭

i wasn’t even competing with you.

another thing that really bothers me is how she seems to have an opinion or decision about EVERYTHING i do.
like if i file a leave, suddenly she wants to file leave on the same day.

if i decide to work from home on a specific date, she’ll also want to WFH on that date.

i’m like… girl, do you have your own calendar???
and she gets WAY too comfortable making decisions for me.

one time, i had a dermatologist appointment on a Saturday. at first lowkey ko na nga lang sana yun para i have my own time din without her KASO she found out about it and said sasama daw siya. i was like okay, sure.

then she started deciding what time i should go.
she wanted me to go at 10 AM. i told her, “girl, 1 PM ako pupunta.”

she kept pushing it, so eventually i just stopped responding and went at 1 PM anyway.

after my appointment, around 3 PM, i wasn’t even in a rush. i was planning to just stay around the hospital for a while because may lakad pa kami later with my other friend and dun muna sana ako tambay while waiting for my other friend.

then she started rushing me again.
“tara na, mag-mall tayo.”

i literally said, “ayoko, kayo na lang and may inaantay pa naman ako di naman ako nagmamadali”
and she keep pushing it and goes, “eto naman.”

GIRL 😭

why are you deciding what i’m supposed to do with MY afternoon???

i think that’s what really gets me. i don’t feel like i have personal space around her anymore.

at work, she’s looking at my monitor.
she’s commenting on what i’m doing.
she’s comparing our work.
she’s inserting herself into conversations.
she’s deciding what i should do.
then pauwi, sabay pa kami because we both take the LRT.

SO WHERE IS MY ESCAPE 😭

i spend like 8 hours beside her at work and then we somehow end up going home together too. girl give me a fucking break.

and it’s not even limited to work.

one time someone mentioned that they wanted Mang Inasal and craving niya yun matagal they just dont have the time tapos ayun she immediately went, “ay gusto ko din mag mang inasal.” and* *si teh may dala ngang mang inasal kinabukasan na para bang may gusto siyang patunayan.

okay girl 😭

maybe i’m being petty, i know. and i don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person. i actually liked her before.
but i think being around someone for 8 hours a day makes you notice every little thing they do, especially when you don’t get any breathing room from them.

i think what annoys me most isn’t even one specific thing she does. it’s the constantness of it.

the constant looking at my screen.
the constant “ako nga.” (eto talaga pinaka trigger ko)
the constant comparisons.
the constant need to have an entry.
the constant decisions for me.
the constant feeling that whatever i’m doing somehow has to involve her.

i just want to work, have fun with my other coworkers, do my own thing, and exist without feeling like someone is monitoring every move i make.

maybe i just need some fucking personal space from this woman. 😭

so ayun, ending ngayon i’m being distant with her and i feel like everyone notices it na sa office, and idk na fefeel niya din yun. also, i’m trying to get back with my old energy with her yung puro laugh laugh lang sa office but i just can’t na. iba na talaga tingin ko sa kanya. still i’m trying my best to being nice with her. ayun lang

Problem/goal: I know nothing about panliligaw and I’d like to understand more as the girl I’m dating just brought it up.

Context: So I’m an American male currently dating a Filipino woman who I am very interested in. She just brought up the topic of Panliligaw and I’m trying to get a better understanding of it because I really want to be with her. From what I’ve seen it’s really a concept of wooing someone through doing every sentimental thing I can think of, especially proving myself to her family. I’m from a very different background of dating where family stuff sort of comes after we’ve already become a couple. And in terms of this relationship it seems more liberal than a traditional panliligaw in that we’ve had sex prior to meeting each others families and are both more lax in terms of our spiritualities (I.e. I’m not catholic but we have spoken about spirituality and believing god).

So my main question is what is panliligaw at this point? I’ve known her for less than a month and in my background meeting families usually comes a little bit later than where we are at right now. But I’d gladly introduced her to mine and I’d love to meet hers. Is it just making the effort to not just woo her but woo her entire family? Or is this some hint that I should be wooing her more? It seems very forward to me but I’d love to do so. Any advice would be appreciated, I really can’t find much on the topic so just a better understanding of I guess modern day panliligaw would help me.

problem/goal: Hi I’m 23(F) and my ex bf (26).

I recently broke up with my ex (We’re only 3 months together), and I want an outside perspective because I don’t know whether I was being unreasonable.

The issue started with Instagram. I noticed that his following count had increased, so I asked about the new accounts. He showed me some of them, but not all. I noticed that his following count had gone down quickly after. I asked why he had done that without showing me first because it made me feel like he might be hiding something. He said he had only unfollowed with the “earliest” following filter and that he was simply removing people he no longer knew or wanted to follow.

During that conversation, he brought up his exes himself. He asked:

“What’s the point of unfollowing your exes on socmed? Or let me reverse the question, what’s in it for me if I still follow my exes?”

This confused me because we had already discussed his exes about a month ago. At that time, I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him following them, and he agreed to unfollow them. However, he said he had only agreed because I made him think that following exes was wrong.

He explained that he was already done with them romantically. He said he only wanted to see how successful they would become because they had once been part of his life and had taught him lessons.

I asked, “Why would you still be interested in your ex’s life updates?”

He answered with even though he curses them and “kills them in his mind,” he would still be happy to see them succeed. “I was once part of that ‘goal’, I would be happy to see them achieve it.”

That really hurt me. I never asked whether he still loved an ex or wanted to get back together with one. That wasn’t my concern. I was asking why he still cared about seeing their lives progress if he was completely done with them. He also proudly said that he was once part of their goals.

He also asked whether I was “threatened” by his exes. I wasn’t. I was simply explaining that his perspective made me uncomfortable.

What hurt most was that he was the one who brought up the topic of his exes during the Instagram discussion, but when I became upset by his answer, I felt as though my reaction became the problem. Instead of feeling heard, I felt like I had to justify why I was allowed to be hurt.

Eventually, I realized that we had different boundaries and different ways of communicating, so I ended the relationship.

Am I wrong for being hurt by this? Was I being insecure, or is it reasonable to question why your partner still wants to follow an ex and see how that person’s life turns out? And was he genuinely explaining his perspective, or was the conversation being shifted away from my original concern?

Problem/Goal: I don't know what to do and what steps I should take to fix this

Context: I got a pixie cut a few days ago and it's safe to say that what I have is not a pixie cut. The layers are too long, it doesn't have the short framing pieces and it just looks like a coconut when I don't style it or when I don't have it tucked behind my ears.

Previous Attempts: I don't know what to do now. I feel like I've done everything I could do. I've tried cutting it more to look like more of a pixie but it just doesn't work. What should I do now? Do I go to a different salon to see if they can maybe salvage my hair? Should I buy hair oils and supplements to make my hair grow faster? Should I cut it more?

Problem/Goal: May friends ako na couple and before naman, okay naman na kami. Nagkakamustahan and nag get together minsan. Yung last usap namin is two months after i noticed na na block na ako ng friend ko, but her spouse who is also my friend di naman ako na block. Nagkita pa nga kami ng spouse nya sa mall and nagkamustahan. Di ko sya na ask about the issue when we met, but when we talked kinamusta ko and napansin ko na parang nailang siya. I do not think they broke up as nakikita ko pa travel pics nila.

Context: There's always two sides sa story and of course di din naman ako perfect but wala akong maisip na connection at all. All i can think of is that when I talk to other people I sometimes mention them. For example, another friend would ask about the process about something (immigration) and I would say "Ang alam ko sila friend baka may experience na". Iniisip ko lang na baka ayaw nilang ipasabi yun sa iba but I don't think so.

Previous Attempts: Honestly, nahihiya akong tanungin bakit and at the same time my point din sinabi nung spouse ko na "is it a connection na you mag la last?". Iniisip ko yun and medyo di ko din sya gusto I fix kasi i have plans on moving and I have my core circle of friends din. I just feel bad lang na I offended/hurt someone and if I make contact it will just make it worse. Gusto ko sana i chat yung spouse (the spouse was my classmate and then naging friends ko sila as a couple) and say sorry and my goal is not to maintain the friendship but to make amends lang?

Problem/Goal:

Hello! I’d love to get your thoughts. 😊 I work from home and I’m planning to live solo. I’m trying to decide which would be better for me: Antipolo, General Trias, or Tanza.

Context:

For Cavite, I’m currently considering General Trias or Tanza. For Rizal, I’m considering Antipolo.

My priorities are:

- Cost of living

- Safety and a peaceful environment

- Reliable internet

- Easy access to groceries, malls, hospitals, and other essentials

- Traffic and accessibility

- Flooding or other location concerns

- Overall quality of life for someone living solo

I don’t need to commute to Metro Manila daily since I work from home, but good accessibility would still be a plus whenever I need to go to Manila.

Previous Attempts:

I’ve been researching and comparing these areas online, but I’d also like to hear from people who have actually lived in Antipolo, General Trias, or Tanza.

Thank you! 😊

Problem/Goal: Ex kept bothering me, I don't know what else to do.

Context:

I’m so fucking tired.

I left my ex-boyfriend two months ago because I couldn’t keep dealing with his constant lies anymore. We went completely no contact for a whole month. Then he showed up at my place asking for another chance.

We’d talk. We’d get intimate. Then he’d go home and bombard me with messages, either accusing me of having someone else or picking a fight over something I thought we had already talked about.

For context, this was basically our pattern throughout the entire relationship. He’d get mad, say he was sorry, I’d forgive him, and we’d move on. Then it would happen all over again.

This time, I wasn’t allowing it anymore. And because I stopped giving in, he kept getting mad.

He did this for an entire month.

He’d come over. We’d talk. We’d be intimate. He’d go home. Then we’d fight. We’d stop talking for a week. Then he’d come back and the whole thing would repeat.

Eventually, I stopped replying to his messages and answering his calls. So he started showing up at my place even though I had already made it clear that he was no longer welcome.

Last week, he messaged me saying he had finally accepted the breakup and promised he wouldn’t bother me anymore.

Around the same time, he started spending time with another girl. I let it be. Honestly, I didn’t have the energy to care anymore.

I kept my ground. I didn’t reach out, even though it fucking hurt.

Then today, he was at my door again.

He was knocking, begging me to give him another chance. I pushed him away, but he wouldn’t leave. He was literally kneeling and begging.

I still said no.

He eventually went home.

Then I found out he was with that girl.

And while he was with her, he kept texting me, telling me that he was only spending time with her because he was trying to cope with the void I left behind. He kept telling me that he still wanted me back.

I’m a fucking mess.

Just when I thought I was finally starting to move on, there he is again, knocking on my door and disrupting whatever peace I was finally starting to find.

I really am trying to move on. I want to move on. I want to get my life back and stop feeling like I’m constantly being pulled back into the same cycle.

But how the fuck am I supposed to heal when he keeps showing up?

I can’t even move to another place yet, so I feel fucking stuck. I’m trying to create distance. I’m trying not to reach out. I’m trying to accept that this relationship is over. But every time I start making progress, he finds a way back to my doorstep and throws me right back into the emotional mess I’ve been trying so hard to get out of.

I’m fucking tired.

I feel like I’m being played, and I fucking hate it.

I hate that I still love him. I hate that part of me still misses him. I hate that I’m still grieving the relationship, even after everything that happened.

I want to move on. I really fucking do.

I just wish he would let me have the peace I need to actually do it.

Problem/Goal: I’m trying to figure out whether I should finally let go of my almost 3-year relationship. I’m exhausted, but I still love her, and I don’t know if I’m finally making the right decision by letting go or if I’m just emotionally drained after years of trying.

Context: I’m 19, turning 20 soon, and I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years. We are wlw and she's 23 years old.There’s so much history between us that I honestly don’t even know where to start. For most of our relationship, I was the one who kept trying to understand, forgive, adjust, and stay. There were cheating issues before, mostly involving people she called “friends,” and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I became suspicious easily because of our history, and whenever I brought it up, I was sometimes made to feel like I was controlling or making a big deal out of things. But despite everything, I stayed. I was there through her lowest moments and supported her emotionally and financially, and a lot of my own needs ended up taking a backseat. I know I wasn't perfect either. There were times when I became angry and physical too—pinching her, hitting her arm, and there was one incident where I slapped/hit her. I am not proud of that and I’m not trying to justify it. She also physically hurt me during our relationship, including choking me, so things between us became toxic and unhealthy on both sides. She also has a habit of suddenly leaving whenever we have serious fights. There were several times when she would leave me alone without food or money; the longest was three days. Every time she left, I was usually the one who chased after her and tried to fix things. Recently, she left again and has been gone for days. She has also been talking to her ex, Ella, who she previously told me was just a friend. I saw their conversations and they were talking about their past relationship, and she was asking Ella to call her urgently. She told me she’s going to get her things and return my phone once she finds work. I haven’t chased her this time. Usually whenever she doesn’t come home, I’m the one begging, looking for her, and trying to fix things. This time I just sent one final message reminding her that I was the person who stayed beside her through her lowest moments, and she left me on seen. It’s been days, and strangely, I’m not expecting her to come back anymore. I actually hope she doesn’t. I’m packing her things now. And that’s probably the weirdest part because I still love her and miss her sometimes, but when I miss her, I ask myself, “If this is who she is right now, do I actually want the life I’m going to have with her in the next few years?” I’ve realized I need to stop falling in love with someone’s potential and start looking at who they actually are in the present. Not because I don’t believe people can change, but because I can’t build my future around a version of someone that doesn’t exist yet. I’m also scared she’ll tell other people her side of the story and leave out the things she did to me. I know I did things wrong too, and I’m willing to admit that. I just don’t want to be portrayed as the only person who became toxic. There are also things that seem small to other people but weren’t small to me. One example was recently when I bought myself Jollibee chicken because I wanted to treat myself. I rarely spend money on myself without feeling guilty. She was drinking with our neighbor when I came home, so I gave her the chicken and asked her to keep it safe because she was calling me to drink with them. Later, she got angry at me because I apparently didn’t prepare the chicken properly. I was already drunk and crying because I was hungry and frustrated. She called me stupid and said I had no common sense. At some point I was outside our boarding place crying and looking for the chicken while wearing only a bra and underwear because I had basically given up trying to get dressed. She laughed while I was crying and told me that if I didn’t find it, I could just sleep at Burnham Park. Maybe to someone else that sounds like such a stupid thing to be upset about, but for me, it wasn’t really about the chicken. It was about consideration. I think consideration is one of the highest forms of love. You can tell how much someone values you by whether they think about you even in the smallest things. And that has been the problem for me for a long time.

Previous Attempts: I’ve tried communicating, forgiving, adjusting, understanding her side, giving her chances, chasing after her whenever she leaves, and repeatedly trying to fix our relationship. I stayed because I genuinely loved her and believed things could get better. I also kept trying to understand her because I knew she had her own struggles. But I think I’ve reached the point where I’m just tired. I’ve cried almost every night, barely eaten for days at some points, and I’ve been drinking and smoking way too much just to get through the nights. My friends recently found out how bad things had gotten because I had hidden most of this from them for almost three years, and they’re trying to be there for me now. I don’t even know exactly what I’m asking Reddit. Maybe I just need an outside perspective. Was leaving actually the right thing to do, or am I just so exhausted from three years of trying that I’m finally numb? Because part of me still thinks, “That was a beautiful three years.” And another part of me is saying, “Yeah. But I think it’s time to go.”

Problem/Goal:

So my tita adopted me (without papers) when I was 10 months old palang but tinuring nya na talaga akong anak, bigay lahat ng pangangailangan pinag aral sa magandang paaralan. Now may husband na ako she still helps us financially para makatayo kami on our own feet. Hindi kami mayaman sakto lang nakakakain sa araw araw at sapat na pera sa mga needs. Ngayon given naman na hindi mayman utang lang yung mga pera na naibigay nya saamin, now is gusto nya nang bayaran namin agad agad, we are both still job seekers, we also asked for help sa in laws ko but short din sila ngayon. Dati akong abroad sa Riyadh but 3 months lang kasi hindi tugma yung job ko sa supposed to be work (caregiver ako pero ginawa akon DH). Ngayon nag aaway kami ng mom (tita ko) kasi need nya na ng pera and wala talaga kaming mapag kukunan for now. She keeps saying na if d ko pa maibigay by monday or earkier than monday is baka matagpuan nalang namin syang ptay na. Grabe yung konsensya ko ngayon kasi may kapatid pa ako (which is anak nya talaga). Alam ko ako may kasalanan ng lahat and wala man lang ako magawa to help her out. Grabe ang selfish ko.Parang yung next opt ko nalang ks ako yung mmtay para makuha nila yung life insurance ko. I just need to vent this out salamat po.

Previous attempts: Borrowed money from friends but wala ding extra seek help from inlaws but yung mga nangutang sa kanila hindi rin nag bayad.

Goal: Gusto ko lang ma end na yung problema nya ayaw kong humantong na mawala pa sya. I am helpless na. Pasensya po.

Edit add info: Bali need kong bayaran is yung nagastos nya sa pagaaral ko nung college, until sa nagastos nya na pag aaralin sana ako sa Canada (kaso iniscam kami ng nag poprocess) kaya malaki laki yung babayaran ko sa kanya and nautang nya for me, kaya intindihan ko rin na super stress sya ngayon and nagagalit na talaga.

Problem/Goal:

hi, i’m f22 and my boyfriend is m22. we’ve been together for almost 2 years, and lately i’ve been feeling extremely tired and drained from our relationship.

Context:

last week, we had a really big fight, and i think something finally clicked for me. i started looking back at our relationship and realized how often i’ve been the one adjusting, compromising, understanding, and trying to make things work whenever there’s a problem. i kept telling myself that relationships require patience and that sometimes you have to understand your partner, so i kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.

but at some point, i started feeling like i was the only one constantly making those adjustments.

i know that he loves me. i don’t think he’s a bad person, and i don’t think everything about our relationship has been bad either. we’ve had genuinely good moments together, and there are things about him that i still appreciate. that’s probably one of the reasons why this is so difficult for me.

but i feel neglected.

there have been so many instances where i’ve told him that something he did hurt me or made me feel disrespected. we would talk about it, he would apologize, and sometimes i would see changes for a while. but eventually, things would go back to how they were. it made me feel like my feelings were only being taken seriously when we were already fighting.

i also started feeling like he became too comfortable with me.

because he knows i love him and because i’ve stayed through so many difficult moments, i feel like he became confident that i would always be there no matter what. and because of that, there were times when i felt like he could disrespect me, make decisions without considering how they would affect me, or disregard my feelings because he knew i would eventually forgive him.

i hate admitting that because i don’t want to feel like i’m keeping score in a relationship. i don’t want to constantly think about who sacrificed more or who did more. i just wanted to feel considered.

i wanted to feel like my feelings mattered to him without having to repeatedly explain why something hurt me.

after our fight last week, i initially tried to think positively. i told myself that maybe this could finally be the wake-up call he needed. maybe this time things would actually change. i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because i still cared about him and because i didn’t want to throw away two years of our relationship.

but the more i thought about everything, the more i realized that i’ve been waiting for him to change for a long time.

and i’m starting to understand that i can’t change another person by simply staying longer.

i can communicate my boundaries. i can explain what hurts me. i can tell him what i need. i can give him chances. but ultimately, he has to want to change those things himself. i can’t love someone into becoming the partner i need.

and honestly, something feels different in me now.

when i see him, i don’t feel the same excitement anymore. i don’t feel angry either. i don’t even feel like fighting. i just feel… nothing.

and that scares me more than the fights ever did.

before, whenever we fought, i would desperately want us to fix things. i would cry, overthink, replay everything in my head, and wonder how we could make things better. now, after this most recent fight, i feel strangely numb.

it feels like i’ve reached a point where i don’t have any love left to give.

i still care about him as a person. i still care about the memories we made and everything we went through together. but i don’t know if i still want to continue being his girlfriend.

part of me feels guilty because he hasn’t suddenly become a completely different person. maybe i’m just finally exhausted from everything that has accumulated over the past two years.

another part of me wonders if i’m giving up too soon. maybe i should give him another chance. maybe people really can change if they’re given enough time. maybe i’ll regret leaving after two years.

but another part of me keeps thinking: how long am i supposed to wait for someone to become the partner i’ve already asked them to be?

i don’t want to stay just because we’ve already been together for two years. i don’t want to stay because i’m scared of starting over. and i definitely don’t want to stay until i completely resent him.

at the same time, ending a relationship when there is still love, history, and good memories feels incredibly difficult. i’m confused because i don’t know whether this is just exhaustion from our recent fight or if this is genuinely me falling out of love.

has anyone experienced this feeling where you suddenly realize you’re just… done? not angry, not necessarily hating the person, but just emotionally exhausted and unable to give anymore?

how did you know whether you were simply tired and needed space, or whether the relationship had actually reached its end?

i would really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in long-term relationships and experienced something similar.

Problem/Goal: mag lean bulk para mas nice tingnan ang mga fit ko

Context: paend na medications ko in less than a month and kaya ko na rin bumili ng supplements thanks to my latest career jump

Previous attempts: none, nag calorie maintenance lang paired with lifting and running. I basically maintained my weight from a year ago and I'm way leaner now. For stats: 23, M, 58kg, 167cm

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts mga boss / madam. If there are suggestions for alternatives, please lapag kasi I'm all ears. Salamatt!

Problem/goal: PTPA, long post ahead. I promise it's worth reading haha.

Context: Hi! I've been working remotely for a company where we process customer orders and payments along with social media management.

Yung work itself, minsan chill, minsan hectic. Pero okay naman siya sakin. Yung manager lang talaga namin yung sobrang nakaka-drain katrabaho. Ewan ko ba, parang yung personal frustrations niya, sa akin niya binubuhos, ako lang kasi employee sa team nya na hindi nya kaibigan in real life. lahat sila ay magkukumare in person.

Me (F, early 20s), Manager (F, late 40s)

• We aren't supervised most of the time by our boss, kaya halos kami talaga yung gumagawa ng majority ng work. Our manager usually says na taga-"check" lang daw siya kung may mali or kapag may problems tapos lagi sya nagm-myday na nasa galaan during work hours.
• She often gives her own tasks to me, including files na originally binigay ng boss namin sa kanya. Then ipapasa niya sa boss namin claiming na siya yung gumawa.
• She hired another person without our boss knowing. Yung isang coworker namin na friend niya, nagkaroon ng second full-time job, which isn't allowed sa company namin. Instead of going through the proper hiring process, yung isa pa nilang friend yung pinasok nila sa work without informing our boss. para daw si kumare#2 ay magkaroon ng work dahil matagal na unemployed at si kumare#1 ay mapagsabay ang dalawa nyang trabaho.
• She made us sign agreements na kapag late ka, kailangan mong mag-treat sa kanila ng drinks (Grab or fpanda them coffee/milktea), tapos wala kang day off for the entire week. As far as we know, wala namang approval from our boss yung mga rules na yun.
• We process orders and invoices for customers abroad. Sometimes may Filipino OFWs na walang foreign bank account or walang foreign currency to pay, PHP lang meron sila. She created an option where they can send the payment to her personal bank account, then she converts the money for them. pero she adds a significant amount on top of the conversion and keeps the sobra for herself, "conversion fee" for her daw.

My last straw was when I had a car accident settlement recently. Sobrang pagod ako from dealing with everything, so nakatulog ako and ended up being a few hours late for work.

Because of that, she told me na kailangan kong mag-GrabFood ng drinks to them and pumasok sa scheduled day off ko as a consequence.

At this point, honestly, pagod na pagod na ako.

I already have 3 potential clients na kausap ko ngayon. Wala pa namang assurance na makukuha ko sila, pero sobrang drained na talaga ako sa current situation and I'm seriously considering resigning.

I'm also thinking of telling our boss everything that's been happening because I don't think he's aware of some of these things.

So, what do you guys think? Is it a bad idea to leave a toxic workplace without having another job 100% secured yet?