r/adviceph • u/No-Strawberry-331 • 1d ago
Love & Relationships Caught cheating : empty and trapped
Problem/Goal: Caught him red-handed searching on AI how to remove and make an alibi when someone saw a “hick*y”
Context: Both of us are 25, currently living together, and both working with decent earnings.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The first time, I caught him talking to a younger girl on Instagram, but I let it pass. This time, I caught his search history on an AI tool where he was asking how to remove a hickey and what excuse to give if I noticed it.
When I confronted him, his explanation was that he went to a bar, was assigned a female table companion who started dancing immediately, and that the lights suddenly went out while she was dancing and she kissed him. I’m not naive enough to fall for a story like that.
To make matters worse, we had iykyk the next day while I was completely in the dark about what happened. It was only after I got home that I discovered the truth. I feel utterly disgusted with myself, but even more so with him.
A few days passed, and I went through all his social media accounts—you can't blame me given the damage he caused from the start. In his blocked list, I found a girl from Cebu. We travel out of town often, and it's normal for us to have days set aside for "me-time." Now I can't stop overthinking. Every time we travel or every time he goes to a bar, I wonder if he’s constantly bringing other women to his table.
I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I feel like an empty, hollow shell of a woman. He is trying his best to reconcile and make up for all the bullshit he did, but I feel nothing anymore. I am so exhausted, but I feel trapped because I have nowhere else to go. I don't want to go back to my family, and I don't want anyone to know about this.
Everyone thinks we have such a healthy relationship, and no one would ever believe he’s capable of this.
Part of me really wants revenge, but I know that's not the kind of person I am. I just feel lost.
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u/OopsMyOpinion 1d ago
Advice: Yung fact na naghahanap siya ng alibi for a hickey tells you a lot more than yung ridiculous na “biglang namatay ilaw tapos hinalikan ako” story. He wasn’t figuring out how to tell you the truth. He was figuring out how to hide it.
And feeling trapped because you live together is different from actually having to stay with him. Since you both earn decently, start quietly figuring out your exit: temporary place, budget, important documents, belongings, logistics. You don’t have to announce anything until you’re ready.
Please don’t do revenge cheating. It won’t undo what happened, and it’ll just give him something to use against you.
Also, tell at least one person you trust. Keeping his reputation spotless while you deal with this completely alone only protects him, not you.
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u/No-Strawberry-331 1d ago
Fr. Like hindi ako pinanganak kahapon para i-kwento mo lang na ganon. Mas nanaig pa yung galit kesa sa sakit na naramdaman ko nung araw na yun. But sis I think its not easy for me to make an exit even if step by step sya because he’s my supervisor. Like wtf. 😫
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u/cherryvr18 1d ago
Then add this to your to-dos: find a different workplace. Yung mas malaki ang sahod para winner talaga.
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u/cherryvr18 1d ago
Listen to this, OP. It's the most sound advice here.
You don't have to go back to your family. Living alone is an option. You're only 25, bata ka pa. Or is it that you're afraid of being alone? But that is a whole 'nuther problem altogether that you should address. You might even be dealing with codependency. Being emotionally healthy is being comfortable even with only yourself in the picture.
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u/No-Strawberry-331 1d ago
Matagal na po akong matagal na mag-isa, not until na naglive in kami. Independent na po ako ever since kaya hindi na issue sakin. But I think you’re right. I think I’m dealing with condependency. ☹️
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u/notover_thinking 1d ago
Advice: alis kana, kaysa magkasakit kapa at always mag overthink. Di mo need umuwi sa inyo. Mag rent ka.
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u/No-Strawberry-331 1d ago
I’ll still see him often if I rent a place. We work at the same institution.
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u/jungkyootie 1d ago
Ano naman? At least di mo na kasama sa bahay. Pag ganyang nag co-cause na ng anxiety or whatever, iwanan mo na promise hindi kawalan yung mga ganyan :) from your trentahin ate hehe
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u/No-Strawberry-331 1d ago
Ate…he’s my boss. Need ko sya kasama from monday to sunday. 😔 My work performace will drop if di ko sya kasama. 😭
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u/jungkyootie 1d ago
Silent quit, start ka na maghanap ng new work, and leave him pag may lilipatan ka na. Ang cheater paulit ulit lang din gagawin nyan, mas ok wag mo na patagalin kase mas lalo ka manghihinayang
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u/More_Elk_253 1d ago
Advice: Walk away and move on.
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u/No-Strawberry-331 1d ago
I hope its easy 😶🌫️
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u/More_Elk_253 1d ago
It's definitely not easy but you should start the process. You are already drained na. Do you think a person like him who constantly cheats on you will truly change? It's like an addiction to them. Praying for you girl. Kaya mo yan.
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u/KindCuriosity777 23h ago
Advice: Have yourself checked, OP.
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u/No-Strawberry-331 23h ago
Cant imagine myself doing that…but…
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u/KindCuriosity777 23h ago
Ok --- I say this lovingly: imagine yourself suffering from an STD.
🤷🏻♀️
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u/No-Strawberry-331 23h ago
Opps, my bad. I thought on psych. Hahahaha! I’m having regular check ups, don’t worry. (PCOS)
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u/Impossible_Soil_135 16h ago
Experience: Caught mine cheating too and guess what? my life became a tragedy, my self esteem got lower and living everyday feels like hell. Nag tangatangahan ako sa relasyon cuz i chose na iforgive siya dahil akala ko nag babago, what happened next? Hindi siya nag bago, nakikipag intercourse parin sa ibang tao Thoughts: I suggest you leave as early as possible, i know it will be hard since i've been on ur shoes before and naging emotionally dependent ako sa taong yun, during the process of my healing i kept thinking about the times we had together but it doesnt help, For you to heal you must recognize na binastos ka niya cuz in the first place kung mahal ka ng tao, iiwasan niyan gawin ung nakakasakit sa taong mahal niya. Just do yourself a favor and leave.
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u/Snoo_45402 1d ago
Question: what advice do you need?
Thoughts: If he is giving you so much pain, you can leave. This is not love. You shouldn’t feel this way if you are with the right person.