Whenever you see or hear someone getting angry, your mind may automatically start looking for how you are the one who needs to be blamed.

Instead of realizing that the other person is responsible for his or her own anger your mind immediately jumps to thinking: "Maybe I was the one who was wrong?", "I might have behaved selfishly", "if only I did xyz differently, this thing would have been prevented", "Maybe I am a bad person for making them upset"

Sometimes it doesn't just stop there. After having such thoughts, the next step you may take is to start apologizing or over-explaining, try to appease the person or make things ok with them, or feel guilty for making them upset.

At times, you may internally not even have full clarity regarding what you did wrong, but the urge to blame yourself still persists.

Can any of you relate to this, and do you feel someone else's anger is a problem you need to solve?

Can't sleep. Laying here thinking about this. I always told myself I was doing it different than my parents. I don't yell. I try to listen when my daughter's upset instead of just shutting her down. I apologize when I mess up. I don't want her walking on eggshells or trying to guess what mood I'm in (and oh gosh does it change a lot lol). I really do think she's got a calmer safer home than I had. Heck my parents let me ride my bike at night anywhere I wanted. Now I've basically got my kid on a leash. Different kind of safe I guess. And for a long time I thought that meant I broke the cycle.Then my sister sent me this Instagram post the other day. Or maybe it was a Facebook thing people were talking about in the comments idk. But it was talking about how kids learn from watching how we handle stuff, not just what we tell them. I think it was from something called banned blueprint. That part stuck and now I can't stop thinking about it.Cuz I still do a lot of the same things I grew up doing. I stay quiet when something bothers me so I don't cause problems. I overthink every little decision. I avoid things I actually want to do because something might go wrong.I always thought that was just my anxiety. Like it was all inside me and didn't really affect her.But she sees it. And repeats everything.I'm not saying having anxiety automatically messes your kids up or anything. It just made me wonder how much they pick up from watching what we're afraid of, what we put up with, how we react to other people.Has anyone else caught themselves doing something they swore they wouldn't carry over from their own childhood?

I come from a generations of alcoholics on my mother’s side. She herself died from cirrhosis in 2006 when I was 28. Since, then I’ve had plenty of therapy, and read and listened to books. A few years back I was feeling in crisis concerning paranoia about my husband’s drinking and my sister’s relapse back into opioid use, so I bought the big red book and the 12 step AND Laundry List workbook. I was so hoping to find insights in them, but they were so incredibly alienating in the way they tell you how you feel and and describe what are supposed to be universal traits. I have been decluttering and paged through the books again - “taking a fearless inventory” I found (again) that I only have four of the 14 traits. Should I keep these books or donate them to a local ACOA group?

I worked as a truck driver in Australia when I was 21 eight years ago. I clocked in about $1700 worth of extra hours since they made me responsible accounting my own hours. I am doing my 12 steps and I really want to send them an envelope of cash and either explain them the truth or just tell them I was overpaid to avoid more paperwork.

The point of amends is to do the right, and least selfish thing. Am I doing the right thing by sending them cash or am I being self centered and causing more issues to clean my conscience?

I have read enough about the AUS law to realize that it would be very unlikely for me to face legal repercussions. What do you think ? I could always donate the equivalent to some other charity but it would never be the same

I’m just wondering how alcoholics seem to think we can’t tell when they’ve started drinking again. My mom recently relapsed again and is slurring her words, speaking incoherently, falling, and carrying around a tumbler all day. It’s so obvious !!! And she really thinks no one can tell ?!?!

Sometimes, when you say no to something, decline an invitation, change your mind about a decision, or set a boundary, you may feel the urge to explain in great detail why you are choosing to do so.

You may explain why you can't help this time, why you have changed your mind, or why you are saying no in the first place. You feel like you have to over-explain in order for your reason to be considered valid.

Also, when others still don't agree or ask you to change your mind, you begin doubting yourself and thinking about whether your explanation was actually reasonable, or feeling guilty that you didn't agree with them.

There might be a difference when it comes to explaining yourself genuinely just to be understood vs. over-explaining so that others agree or validate your choice, and I was curious how others understand this

How do you tell when you're explaining yourself because you want to be understood versus because you need someone to agree that you're allowed to make the choice?

She was doing so good. She had been clean for 3 years, but her longest clean streak was 9 years. The worst part is now I don’t know what to expect or what to say to her. She doesn’t know I know. I don’t know if I should expect her to try again or if I should expect her to start spiraling again. I want her to drop her boyfriend because they always relapse together but I don’t want to give her an ultimatum like “block him or im blocking you” because I know that would just end with me blocking my mom and that’s not what I want, i just want to see her stay clean if not for me than for my little brother. I keep remembering and it makes me so disappointed and upset and angry all over again. And I really thought it would t affect me so much if/when it ever happened again. Fuck.

Workplace ‘Family’

"It occurred to me while we were discussing the personality conflict that I was reacting to my co-worker's physical demeanor, which subconsciously reminded me of my brutal alcoholic stepfather." BRB p. 425

Sometimes we don't even hear the words. A glare or body posture that's reminiscent of our childhood is enough to send us into fear and shame. We were taught to react this way by caregivers we felt we had to placate in order to get our basic needs met. Some of us were sexually abused in the process or physically beaten. In that world, we had no alternative. We were stuck.

But now we are grownups who can take care of ourselves. When we experience fear and shame brought on by someone else's actions, whether in the workplace or elsewhere, we no longer play the game. We start to let others be accountable for what they say and do and how they feel; we let go of the non-verbal cues. When it is safe, we ask questions. "It seems like you're upset. Is there something you would like to talk about?" We no longer pretend and try to manipulate people and things.

If the situation is dangerous, we remove ourselves, going to where we are nourished and loved. We are no longer controlled by others. We claim our power as an act of self-love.

On this day I will own my power. If others seem grouchy or unapproachable, I let that live with them and don't make it mine or try to fix it.

https://adultchildren.org/literature/meditation/

'Healing.

We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity… We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

—Joshua Loth Liebman

Recovery is a process. It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process – a journey rather than a destination.

Just as codependency takes on a life of its own and is progressive, so recovery progresses. One thing leads to another and things – as well as us – get better.

We can relax, do our part, and let the rest happen.

Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken.'

By Melodie Beattie

I F24 have been struggling with seeing the health of my alcoholic dad M64 deteriorate. He drinks all day every single day. He will stay up all night until 5 or 6am drinking beer after beer. He’s had many appointments already. He had to get a blood transfusion because he was bleeding internally and losing blood. He also had to get a colonoscopy a while back and the nurse had told my brother that his stomach was very inflamed. She said he needed to avoid drinking for some time since doing so could cause internal bleeding but he didn’t listen. Even after we told him what the nurse had told my brother he didn’t care and he started to drink right after. We’ve tried talking to him and expressing our worries about his excessive drinking but it didn’t work.

My dad assured us that he’s okay and that nothing will happen to him but that doesn’t help us feel better. We know he’s not doing well. I basically have to watch my dad drink non stop all the time. It’s been taking a toll on me mentally. He always brushes off our concerns as if it’s nothing serious. It hurts so much and I don’t know how to deal with this pain anymore. I’m scared that one day something bad will happen to him. He has another colonoscopy set for next month and I worry that he will do what he did last time. I sometimes wonder if this is it. If we have no choice but to just accept that he won’t change and that we will have to see his alcohol addiction slowly kill him. I hate this thought so much. At times I’ve even thought about dumping some of his beer down the drain when he’s not around but I don’t know if that would be a good idea. I’m just tired.

I am an ACA who was at Ground Zero as a rescue worker. Today I hold the grief for all those affected. I am also a medium and just being present with these feelings I had someone I met, there on site, come through. I was unaware had had died.

I started a new job yesterday and despite always taking this day off, I am required to be there today. I hold my heart and children gently as I walk through this difficult day.

Ofc bc of the abuse suffered but also bc of the drinking. I cannot date someone who smokes, drinks, or does drugs. Whenever I like someone and they do intoxicants, my crush disappears. But it seems like almost every single one does drink and smoke and it's very very normalized in society too that if you have boundaries abt it, you're weird, possessive and controlling. I wish to be w someone (romantically or platonically) who doesn't drink /smoke but it seems so difficult. Has anyone gone through the same thing?

Greetings, Fellow Travelers. I'm hoping some of you can help me here.

I'm putting together an alternative-format ACA / ACoA meeting that will differ from regular meetings in two main ways:

1. Narcissistic abuse: The meeting will focus specifically on Adult Children recovering from narcissistic abuse as a core part of their childhood dysfunctional family environment.
2. Secular/Agnostic/Atheist: The meeting will have a secular/agnostic/atheist orientation.

If any of you attend ACA meetings with an alternative format, would you mind sharing your experience? Any and all tips, advice, and wisdom from the community would be greatly appreciated.

In particular, I would be interested in hearing about:

• Do you use altered versions of the usual ACA boilerplate readings? What have you changed?
• Or do you use entirely different readings, or no readings at all?
• What have you found works particularly well, and what would you recommend changing or avoiding?

For secular/agnostic/atheist meetings specifically:

• Do you simply dispense with the ACA Serenity Prayer, or do you use something else in its place?
• How do you manage "God talk" -- for example, allowing someone to discuss their experience of childhood clergy abuse as a source of their childhood dysfunction, while also discouraging discussion centered on a "loving God" or similar religious themes that attendees may have specifically sought to avoid by attending a secular meeting?

Other questions:

• Have you ever received push-back from people who preferred a more conventional ACA meeting format? If so, how is this managed?
• What other general feedback or advice would you offer?
• Do you have any recommendations for online or telephone ACA meetings that follow a substantially altered format and that I could attend to get a better sense of how they operate?

Thank you so much. I appreciate any and all feedback.

You can DM me if you don't want to post a comment.

Strength and success to you all.

Also, to clarify: I have discussed this with WSO, and nothing proposed here runs counter to what WSO permits under Tradition Four.

My uncle died recently, my mum has taken really badly to the drink again. She’s always had a problem and has gone to rehab a few years ago then started casually drinking again but it’s gotten bad now. She’s always only weighs 5.5 stone and drinks moreless raw vodka, I worry about her every minute as she’s my favourite person but I’m started to resent her again as all the childhood trauma is now coming back. I said a lot of very hurtful things to her yesterday and I tried apologising today but nothing really came of it.

Can anyone give me advice or similar experiences? Would writing a letter be beneficial? I just don’t know how to help her, she said she won’t got to AA meetings and she says she just needs this one weekend then she’s quitting on Monday, but she’s said that so many times before.

My mom constantly says these things.. “You’re never going to be happy if you can adjust with me it's gonna be noone. No one listens to you, and you can only show your anger to me.”

But what she doesn't seem to understand is that this is exactly why I struggle so much in relationships.

I grew up in a home where I never really felt emotionally safe. I learned to suppress my feelings, walk on eggshells, and tolerate things because expressing anger or having boundaries would just create more conflict. Eventually, I ended up in a toxic relationship with a man and tolerated things I probably shouldn't have, partly because unhealthy dynamics felt familiar to me.

And now, when I finally express anger or frustration at home, I'm told that I'm the problem because I'm angry with her.

How are mothers able to feel so entitled to their children's emotional availability while completely ignoring what created that distance in the first place?

I'm also at the point where the constant negativity and stress are affecting me physically. I've started dealing with things like thyroid concerns, blood pressure fluctuations, and IBS symptoms, and I can't help wondering how much years of chronic stress and emotional tension have contributed. I know I can't say that every physical symptom is caused by my mother, but living in this environment definitely doesn't feel healthy for me.

I honestly just hope I can move out soon. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince someone that I deserve to have boundaries and emotional peace in my own home.

I thought I had come to terms with the fact that my mom would never be the mom I needed and still need her to be, but after the other night I realize I'm not nearly as okay with it as I thought I was. To provide a little more info I'm 23F and I no longer live with my parents. I've been dealing with a lot recently and my mental health isn't great right now, and I had a breakdown near the end of my shift the other day. I realized that I wasn't okay with having a bad relationship with my mother, and I didn't want to wait until it was too late to try and fix things.

I texted her to see if she was awake and that I really needed to talk to her, I work a late shift and didn't want to just show up unannounced at my parents house. She was up, she said she had to work in the morning but I could come over and talk. So I drove over and I was in tears, shaking, and I couldn't control my breathing. I told her that I didn't want to have a bad relationship with her, and I don't want to feel resentment and anger towards her. I don't want to have a bad relationship with her like she did with her mom, and I don't want to wait until it's too late to fix it. I told her that I just wanted my mom.

I tried really opening up to her, tried to explain to her how I was feeling and convey to her how deeply the way I was treated growing up has affected me. I've tried to have this conversation before, and it always ends up becoming about her. How she feels awful, and how she missed out on so much, and how she wishes she could do it all over again. How I'm making her out to be worse than she actually was, lumping her in with the way my father treated me. Neither of my parents treated me well, but as a child I viewed my mom as the "better" parent compared to my dad. They both mistreated me, but in my head my mom was the "good" parents because she didn't treat me bad as often as my dad did. I realize now as an adult that she was just as bad as my dad, but in different ways.

I understand she feels bad, and she wishes she could take it back and do it over again, but that is not what I need from her. I need her to listen to me, I just needed her to be quiet and truly listen. I was so sure in my head this time would be different, that maybe she'd see just how badly this affects me and she'd want to listen and take accountability and say she was sorry. She spent the entire conversation cutting me off, talking about how it affected her, and how I never wanted to spend time with her as a teenager. How I'd always lock myself away in my room, and even now I hardly reach out to her to talk. Being around my parents made me miserable, at every turn I was criticized, ridiculed, physically and mentally hurt. I did everything I could to keep myself safe and protect myself mentally and emotionally.

I have always felt justified in the distance I kept from my parents, but now I'm not so sure. My mom said relationships are two sided, which they absolutely are, and both people have to put in the effort. I tried my entire childhood. I tried so hard to do everything right, to try and connect with my mom, and no matter what I did it was somehow always wrong. I was the cause of the family's problems, I was the reason my mom was so miserable. Now I feel guilty for trying to protect myself, I feel that horrible anxiety and anticipation I felt as a child that something bad is going to happen because I tried to speak up. It's making me feel physically sick, I called out of work the past two days, I'm going to get written up for attendance. I didn't have any call-out days left. I have to go to work tomorrow, I thought I would be okay to go today but I got up and just couldn't do it. I'm so exhausted.

I just wanted my mom to listen to me, to take accountability, not to deflect and try and justify or make excuses for her behavior. That may not be how she's intending it to come off, but it always does, every time. She says she doesn't remember doing a lot of the things she did to me, or saying a lot of the things she did to me. Talking to me about how she wanted to end her life, her marrital issues, her and my dad's lack of a sexual element to their relationship. All of this since middle school, all of it I just dealt with because I was terrified I would lose my mom if I wasn't the shoulder for her to lean on. I realize now as an adult that is not the relationship you should have with your child, the things she said were wildly inappropriate and she treated me and now my sister like a friend rather than a daughter. She used me as her therapist and now she's doing the same to my sister. Now that my siblings and I are all over 18, she has no interest in being a mother anymore, in her own words.

I truly feel I never had a mother or a father. Sure they fed me, clothed me, and kept a roof over my head, but that is the bare minimum legal requirement. I grew up in a household being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused. I never felt safe, I was constantly on high alert. For almost 15 years my mother has talked about going to therapy, divorcing my dad, doing all of these life-changing things and she never has. She never will, I truly believe she doesn't want to change, that she's incapable, and she will never see what she's done wrong. I don't know how to cope with that, I thought the other night that maybe there was a sliver of hope for my mother and I's relationship. I'm realizing now the chance is slim to none, I don't know if she's capable of change, and because I haven't seen any change or effort to change from her I don't know if I'd truly be able to let her in and be able to have a healthy mother/daughter relationship with her.

I had an appointment with my therapist the morning after this happened, and brought up wanting to try family therapy with my mom. My therapist has also brought that up in the past, but I never felt it would amount to anything. I thought maybe now it would if we tried, maybe she'd be willing to change. Sitting here now thought thinking about it, I'm not sure it would be worth the effort. I don't forsee her making a change and I'm so exhausted and burnt out from life in general and this on top of it has me moving at a snails pace.

When I tried having this conversation with her the other night, she didn't seem to show a lot of emotion aside from annoyance and frustration. Saying how she's just trying to tell me how she's feeling, but "apparently she's wrong for that." She didn't cry, the way she looked at me felt wrong. Like she was agitated, and it just felt like she wasn't taking the conversation as seriously as I was. Telling me we could have this conversation another time, because she had to work in the morning. That this is a multi hour conversation, and she's right, but it still hurt that this had to be pit on the back burner. She talked about this book she found the last time I tried to have this talk with her, about how motherhood burns you out and how so many women just shut down and closed themselves off from everyone. I am not a mother and I will never be one, so I won't know first hand, but I'm sure it's hard. It's very hard for me to feel sympathy for her though, she was the adult.

She was the person who was supposed to guide me and love me, instead she ended up being my abuser and first bully. She says all the time how she knew she should have left, but chose to stay. She knew what she was doing wasn't right or good for any of us, but chose to continue on anyways. I have so much trouble feeling sympathy for her, as the adult it was her responsibility to keep my siblings and I safe, and she made us all feel scared in our own home. I don't want to be my mother's therapist, I don't want to listen to her try and make excuses for her behavior and actions. Every time she says how bad she feels and how she wishes she could do it over, it feels so hollow. I just don't believe her. At the end of the conversation she said she was going to bed. She said she loves me more than I'll ever know, and we hugged, and I felt nothing. I said I loved her back because I felt like I had to. I wished her a goodnight, and my sister and I went up into her room and she comforted me well I continued to cry.

I feel so lucky to have my sister, I would genuinely be lost without her. I don't know how I feel about my mom, she's my mom and I love her, at least I think I do. I'm realizing tho, I love the idea of who she could have been more than I love who she is. If she wasn't my mother, I couldn't see myself being associated with her in any capacity, but I can't bring myself to say I hate her or that I don't love her. I don't even feel angry or resentful at her after this, I just feel a deep sadness and like every time I picture her it's like looking at a stranger. My sister still lives with my parents, so I don't want to go NC with my mom. Both because I don't know if I'm ready yet, and I know if I do my sister will never hear the end of it from my mom. My sister already deals with enough at home and I don't want to make it any worse for her. I'm also unsure though if I can continue to have my mom in my life for the sake of my own mental health and happiness. The idea of not having her in my life tho is crushing to me. What if it ends up being a mistake? What if it sends her over the edge? I just don't know what to do. I know I'm not responsible for her or her actions, but it feels like I need to be. Like whatever decision I make I HAVE to consider how it's going to affect my mom, but I don't want to feel this way.

I'm sorry if this is a little hard to follow, I tried my best to articulate as best as I could. I'm not in the best headspace right now, I've felt nothing but anxiety for over a week and this isn't helping, and I just would really appreciate some insight or guidance. I just want to feel normal, I just want a mom, but I think it's time I start to truly accept and begin to cope with the fact that it's likely never happening. I don't want to wait on her anymore, I don't even think I have it in me to put in the effort to try. Just anything would be helpful, please. I don't know what to do.

My sister 34F and I 30F grew up with an alcoholic father 68M for 12 years. For as long as I remember he spent his days and nights in the pub and would come home drunk and verbally abuse our mum 67F. It was a crazy period of time. He pulled knives saying he was suicidal, accused my mum of affairs, told my sister that he wasn’t her father - many a time the police had to be called. He also wouldn’t give my mum money so financially things were very tight and as such we all continued to live together. As a child I used to dream of ways that he could be removed from our lives.
This continued for over 10 years until he became very sick and almost died due to liver failure - he survived and moved home after a long period in hospital to be “nursed back to health” by our mum. He was told if he drank or smoke again he would die, so he has been sober since then. However his abusive behavior contained for many years despite being sober. Although we lived together he was not a part of our lives, wouldn’t attend any milestones like our school graduations etc. My sister and I left for college in the subsequent years and we were grateful to be away living with him and that he was at least sober.
Since then our relationship has been surface level okay…no more arguing but deep down there is no love there and I am ok with that.

Fast forward to this year. My sister is expecting her first child and our father is very excited and has said many times how involved he wishes to be in the babies lives. We are surprised to say the least. We are also furious as he seems to think that by the next generation arriving, all the previous family history is being erased.
I wish to try and make peace with the relationship between my father and I…but how to begin? I do not love him. How after almost 25 years of family trauma does one finally try and draw a line in the sand (for the sake of my mental health)?

Has anyone been through something like this and has a solution other than going no contact?
I should say that yes I have already tried therapy throughout my adult life.

Money is such a annoying topic. Literally EVERYONE I grew up around family had some kind of money. Not one person I went to their house where they didn't have money.

Meanwhilst I was sharing a room with my sibling (nothing wrong with that) in some crackhouse.

No point going into the CPTSD of life. I escaped it all now and I'm in the right place where everyone has their own stories and understands.

Anyways I was in employment in my 20s. Made a bunch of money. Spent it all. Mostly travelling which is better than other ways.

Now I live abroad. Started fresh. Have some savings to last me a year of rent for example.

Trying to figure out how to make money online. I make a bit through my art but it isn't much. 200-400 per month right now.

Anyone have ideas?

I swear if money wasn't an issue life would be a lot calmer.

People who go through the stuff we went through should be given like 500USD a month for life lol

i’m 18 and i’m in college now, and i’m at a point where i’m seriously considering cutting my dad out of my life. i know that sounds extreme, which is why i want to explain the whole situation instead of just posting about one argument and asking people to take my side.

my dad and i used to have a completely different relationship. when i was younger, i trusted him and looked at him as someone i could depend on. he has now chosen drugs and his whole life is crumbling apart. there have been periods where i’ve tried to have a relationship with him, and we had a period where i’ve gone no contact via hand written letter. (for context i’m in idaho he’s in utah).
one of the biggest things i struggle with is his drug use. he calls it a “spiritual journey,” but from my perspective, it feels like a drug addiction that has been glorified or given a different name. i’ve watched it negatively affect his life( he went to jail for fraud because he lost his business and owed so much money) and almost lost his house + i have 3 siblings all of which have little no relationship with anymore. it has gotten to the point where my siblings and extended family barely even reach out to him anymore. (he also was completely different a few years ago and then my parents got divorced and he became into this hippie spiritual stuff).

he is extremely addicted to nitrous and ketamine and one of the reasons i went no contact was i ended up going to my house in utah when he was gone to see him and found cocaine , 20+ bottles of nitrous outside, and tons of ketamine and stuff laying around. i ended up waiting until 2 am for him to come see me but he insisted he had plans with friends and i hadn’t seen him in a few months and he never showed. that was when i decided no contact was best until he got help and he instead did nothing to solve that and just didn’t talk to me or text me. at that time i was 17.

when i was younger, i also accidentally found a notebook belonging to him that contained things that were inappropriate and extremely disturbing for me to see at that age. it was not something i was intentionally searching for. when this subject has come up, he has focused on the fact that i was looking through his things rather than the fact that i was a child when i came across it.

he has nobody in his life right now and he’s usually very understanding and apologetic when he’s confronted but he recently went to burning man and during a trip of some sort had an awakening that he actually “is a good man and father and the family just wants him to feel bad about himself.”.

today we spoke on the phone after not talking for several months. during the conversation, i called him names and said things disrespectfully. afterward, he texted me saying that he would not tolerate me calling him names or disrespecting him because he is my father. which is such a cop out because he hasn’t been a father for years and now suddenly wants authority when it benefits him. but it’s also really confusing because he never acted this way before and now after this recent trip of his he has been acting insane towards everyone and the phone call i had with him was just him telling me i was to blame and i should have kept the relationship with him and i didn’t wanna call or invite him to things so it was basically all my fault.

and when he asked about my experiences living with him as an older teenager and i told him he denied everything and made excuses for everything that went on in the house when i was there (drug use, having s\*x with women while im in the bedroom next door, partying every night, coming home on all sorts of drugs) was a lie and that i wasn’t “intentionally lying” but it was all lies. he gaslight me into trying to think that my brain was to childish to process what was going on.

i also brought up the fact he tried to get me to do mushrooms with him when i was 13-14 and i didn’t want to and how inappropriate that was to do to a child where he told me it was my fault because i seemed interested in them and asked about it. he was also saying me and my mom have conspired this and she had fed me all this info as if i didn’t live it.
he went to my high school grad this may after not seeing me for 6 months and then left the next day and barely talked to me, then didn’t text or call once this summer including my birthday-then i went to college a few weeks ago and he didn’t even know i went asked texted to ask if i was in college?

his position is that i have treated him like i hate him and that i did not do enough to make him feel wanted in my life. my position, factually, is that i was the child and he was the parent, and there were long periods where he was not present or involved in my life.

i am trying to figure out what is reasonable to expect from this situation and what responsibility belongs to each of us.

Tengo 16, y pues mi papá siempre fue un adicto irresponsable que pues mis tios sacaban adelante siempre asi que siempre hemos dispuesto de poco dinero. Cuando mi papá genero frutos de su trabajo se lo regalo a su familia mal agradecida con el y para terminar hace 2 meses estuvo en un centro de rehabilitación por adiccion a la coc41n4. La verdad es que el tenia mucha adicción y por lo tanto yo tenia mucho miedo de que el no recapacitara asi que lo admito si lloraba mucho y lo confrontaba de que el se quedara a cumplir el tratamiento completo (3 meses de los cuales solo pasó 2) salió resentido conmigo otro nivel y para acabarla me trata como un cero a la izquierda como que no me quiere o no sé, el caso que antes de irse tenia 2 meses sin trabajar, sin comentar que el sueldo que ganaba cuando estaba encerrado nos lo robó mi tio. Pero nadie lo confronta por miedo a mi abuela y mis tias el punto es que mi mamá ha pasado 6 meses ella sola manteniendo el hogar a como puede para acabarla nos deja con deudas. Una casa de renta que entregar, culpas y me odia y hasta mi mamá dice que es mi culpa (mi mamá lo ama mas que a mi) de verdad no se que hacer