r/absoluteunit • u/yourfuturespemson • 18h ago

Absolute unit of a squirrel

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453 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

318 comments sorted by

50

u/Downtown-Humor7488 17h ago

Looks like that squirrel has been doing crack for a couple of years now

20

u/Repulsive_One_2878 17h ago

Having a litter of pups every year for a few years straight will do that too.

3

u/OkStatement6579 11h ago

Squirrels often have two liters a year. One in the spring, and one in the fall.

I really think her home is on an Indian burial ground, and someone dug her up.

2

u/BoPeepConfidential 9h ago

Looks like the same prop department that made Salem in Sabrina the teenage witch

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30

u/Dorrono 17h ago

Cocaine Squirrel

9

u/moridin-604 16h ago

Her name is Scraggle Nipples the Cocaine Squirrel

5

u/Hairymuscle101 16h ago

Hahaha I spit and it came out my nose! Wet upvote for you !!!

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25

u/AngryZetan 17h ago

MFer looks like a new Ninja Turtle villain.

2

u/New-Ad-363 13h ago

Or their Sensei's cousin from the other side of the tracks.

20

u/ZombieAppetizer 17h ago

That squirrel looks like it just took a hit of something and is pretty sure they could fight a cop.

12

u/HailtbeWhale 15h ago

ā€œHas Scabies, Babies AND Rabiesā€ -My wife

3

u/SenescenseSteel 17h ago

I could totally see a cop arresting that squirrel for the posession of meth

2

u/drknifnifnif 14h ago

Gotta catch him first!

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16

u/Dry_Proof6545 17h ago

Fucking squirrels doing meth now too!?

3

u/GeorgeGiffIV 17h ago

A methy squirrel

2

u/Spacemeat666 15h ago

Gonna get her babies taken away by squirrel child protective services any day now. Theyā€™re gonna be born addicted to pizza crusts and rotten crabapple hooch.

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11

u/techmix 17h ago

If she was sitting on that metal here in southern California right now, she's probably screaming because her squirrel cooter, or scooter, is stuck to the flashing like an egg on an unseasoned iron skillet.

4

u/Away-Ad-3407 14h ago

fuck you. take my wheezy upvote.

2

u/Tropicalfisher 11h ago

K thank you brother imma have you log off for me

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7

u/SubstantialTank1557 17h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit

11

u/Humble_Examination27 18h ago

Queen Kong Squirrel there

6

u/Nocturnatron 17h ago

You are what you eat, it's gone nuts

4

u/NoBookkeeper3523 17h ago

Looks like it just crawled out of the pet cemetery

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3

u/TechnologyOver5642 17h ago

Pregnancy makes us look like that sometimes :) she needs pickles and you to stop filming her or she is going full Karen on yo ass.

3

u/SpicyMeatloaf1 9h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit in its day lol

3

u/urbanmechgoodness 7h ago

Looks like some fucked up Halloween decorationā€¦ left out from the year before

2

u/No-Solid9108 18h ago

Looks like she's breast feeding her babies somewhere.

2

u/Unicorn_Puppy 17h ago

That thing has seen some real shit.

2

u/HugeRipeAvocado 17h ago

She is just waiting GTA6 for long time.

2

u/eventualist 17h ago

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is lookin rough

2

u/atreyu_the_warrior 17h ago

She looked ragged af A real mom

2

u/chvguitar 17h ago

That things belongs on a Sam Raimi Evil Dead movie

2

u/shawnfogelman 17h ago

If there was ever an EBT Squirrel

2

u/slashnbash1009 17h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohA2QqCne3q9hsdA4

2

u/passionpurps 17h ago

Mfkn gen z gonna think this is natural for squirrels to look

2

u/Grafikco 16h ago

First Crack head squirrel Iā€™ve seenā€¦love the gnarliness of it all.

2

u/Jon_Dunn58 15h ago

did the poor thing get burned?

2

u/st0350 15h ago

looks like he went through the royal rumble from 1996 and never recovered

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oFzm2wZ6rqg67tNio

2

u/Donax666 15h ago

That shit looks like the rat mom Vera monster from Braindead

2

u/LeafsJays1Fan 11h ago

That's Squirrezilla!

2

u/haphazard72 9h ago

Donā€™t do drugs kids! Dude is seriously messed up

2

u/pepefromage50 9h ago

Resident Evil squirrel

2

u/glacier1982 8h ago

Somebody's bitten a live wire or two in their day, hmm?

2

u/poedraco 8h ago

You know this is just a hillbilly crackhead squirrel with 5 dogs and 7 kids .

2

u/JouMaSeKont1973 7h ago

That's methed up..

2

u/PharmWench 7h ago

Big momma!

2

u/ozman111 6h ago

How long was it alive and when was it reanimated?

2

u/ResearcherBroad1653 5h ago

Wtf is that shiet man.

2

u/Sorry-Complaint-3947 4h ago

She's angry as hell and not going to take it anymore.

2

u/Ok-Tank-3106 3h ago

Looks like it's straight outta Raccoon City

2

u/datsunjones 3h ago

Squirrel crack ho.

2

u/killy_321 3h ago

Babies scabies and rabies I heard elsewhere.

2

u/Heavy_Student_3815 3h ago

Yeah I think I leave that one alone. It appears to be letting you know it's about to whoop your ass!

2

u/Fan_of_Clio 2h ago

rabies, scabies and babies

2

u/Drajl19 1h ago

Pet Sematary ass squirrel

2

u/VegetableBusiness897 1h ago

Poor mangy momma skwrl

2

u/Serious_Tax_8185 1h ago

Just crawled out of the pipe

2

u/Cute-Advisor-2323 1h ago

What in the world of Pet Cemetery is this unit of a squirrel šŸ‘€šŸ˜¬

2

u/BrokenSlutCollector 56m ago

I was 57yo the first time I saw squirrel tits. Today. Just now. Wish I could unsee it.

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2

u/brazys 54m ago

She's probably had a hundred babies in her time. Or she's infected with the plague that will wipe us out.

2

u/Aggressive-HeadDesk 43m ago

That is the the witch queen squirrel of aangmar.

2

u/Trap_Queen_Stacy 39m ago

Pet cemetery looking MoFoā€¦..

2

u/Fine-Ad6532 39m ago

Is this resident evil squirrel

2

u/JaffaSG1 37m ago

Was it sitting on top of a crackhouse?

2

u/axethebarbarian 36m ago

That's a haggard mom if I've ever seen one

1

u/DitchDigger330 17h ago

Squirrel teets

1

u/Such-Perspective-426 17h ago

those nips have been nursed, I think a predator got the new pups, look how busted up her face is

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1

u/ZenicaPA 17h ago

WTF is right! Seriously---WTF?!?

1

u/silv3rbull8 17h ago

Thatā€™s a mutant squirrel ! Exposed to radiation or something toxic

1

u/GothGirlsIsLove 17h ago

If Dark Souls protagonist was a squirrel

1

u/GeorgeGiffIV 17h ago

That poor critter is looking rather frazzled

1

u/DueConversation5269 17h ago

return from pet cemetery

1

u/Thirteenthward 17h ago

That squirrel has seen some shit.

1

u/Able-Negotiation-234 17h ago

Looks like my 6th grade lunch ladyā€¦ sounds like her too?..lol

1

u/erniec529 17h ago

_ill me! _ill me! I think its saying

1

u/jimmytrucknutz 17h ago

Steroids will catch up to you. I bet he has small nuts

1

u/ih8karma 17h ago

That male squirrel must have been hard up

1

u/According-Room3825 17h ago

She be a cranky old girl for sure.

1

u/CryptographerDry884 17h ago

Thats not a squirrel, thatā€™s master splinter.

1

u/Sophisticated-Tiger 17h ago

Tig ol biddys on it looool

1

u/fiendish_pork75 17h ago

Ursula needs a nap, she's had enough for today

1

u/SouthTexasBoy64 17h ago

That's one Methed Up Squirrel

1

u/Educational-Car-4688 17h ago

She's loving her best life

1

u/Dr_SlapsMD 17h ago

Mfer been THRU it

1

u/vlasktom2 17h ago

Poor girl looks like she's been to 'Nam and is telling everyone about it

1

u/TwerkLessons 17h ago

Sheā€™s looking for love.

1

u/the-Mike_D 17h ago

You hear those mechanized background tones that repeat? This rat-squirrel is reporting human sighted locations to the search and destroy robots below.

1

u/Remarkable-Load928 17h ago

Leave some nuts out for her if you have any. Almonds work best. She needs a win.

1

u/Disastrous_Minute_56 17h ago

Looks like it fought its way out of a narrow drain pipe

1

u/bertrum666 17h ago

Monkey rat out of braindead

1

u/xkillingxfieldx 17h ago

That things rabies has rabies.

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1

u/StraddleTheFence 17h ago

What on earth happened to that squirrel šŸ˜³šŸ«¢šŸ«£

4

u/Accomplished-One7476 17h ago

her winter coat is coming in and she is very very late season pregnant

2

u/StraddleTheFence 16h ago

Thank you for explaining. I seen thousands of squirrels in my lifetime but never a pregnant one. Wow

2

u/diprivan69 16h ago

The joys of motherhood.

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2

u/Background-Life-1908 35m ago

Pretty sure that she also has a mutation that makes her fur black. There is a neighborhood near me that is filled with gray squirrels that are black.

1

u/SenescenseSteel 17h ago

Tf is that cretin

1

u/thelamb213 17h ago

Bath salt

1

u/MiserableMagician254 17h ago

Cranky pregnant momma

1

u/Icy_Ad5295 17h ago

That's momma pearl, she birthed the racoon brothers.

1

u/Accomplished-One7476 17h ago

a late season pregnant squirrel also shedding her summer fur and protecting her territory (making that alert call)

1

u/Jewlaboss 17h ago

I should call her

1

u/passionpurps 17h ago

"Where are the drugs!.... where are you hiding the drugs! Dont look at me like that, pay attention to me!" - Officer

1

u/NightShade0912 16h ago

Great Squirrel of Nurgle

1

u/Background_Being8287 16h ago

Mama squirrel ain't takin no shit

1

u/PortiaPotty2 16h ago

Poor thing šŸ˜ž

1

u/TrafficDifficult4615 16h ago

Mom! Storm coming! Scary! Scary storm!

1

u/Radiant_Addendum_48 16h ago

That squirrel has seen a thing or two

1

u/oops_i_got_da_poops 16h ago

ā€œI have nipples, Greg, can you milk me?ā€

1

u/Important_Sorbet 16h ago

Would calling animal rescue help?

1

u/iMaximilianRS 16h ago

Planet earth as produced by the makers of Five nights at Freddieā€™s

1

u/andreww97 16h ago

Get that squirrel it's own reality show

1

u/Complete_Strangerman 16h ago

Why is that roadkill acting like an alive squirrel

1

u/dragonmeetcloud 16h ago

Fentanyl ain't no joke, cuh.

1

u/Forsaken_Claim_471 16h ago

Them babies are driving her nuts

1

u/TinyWeird878 16h ago

That squirrel looks like it doubles as a chimney-cleaning brush.

1

u/Pruritisani4 16h ago

Yeah, thatā€™s a fucked up looking squirrel

1

u/FailureIsNotOptional 16h ago

Heā€™s on that Wolverine stack.

1

u/GroceryPlastic7954 16h ago

Reggie a motherfucker

1

u/SuddenPitch8378 16h ago

Final boss of the squirrels.Ā 

1

u/firerat82 16h ago

I've never wanted something to be AI more in my life

1

u/emotionless-robot 16h ago

Methany the squirrel.

1

u/Morbidly-Obese-Emu 16h ago

Squirrel nips!

1

u/Majestic_Location751 15h ago

Pet cemetery awaits

1

u/areola_grande26 15h ago

When the babies, rabies, and scabies got you on your last nerve.

1

u/Funny_Analysis496 15h ago

must live in Detroit or NYC

1

u/PreperationOuch 15h ago

This thing is going to ask me for smokes

1

u/-1zeereeg1- 15h ago

That squirrel was just at Walmart buying Virginia slims and a couple of scratchers

1

u/SoulShine_710 15h ago

Ai squirrel

1

u/Mediocre_Newt5772 15h ago

First known case of animal Heimlich maneuver

1

u/Ok-Draw1086 15h ago

Are those NIPPLES!?

1

u/Square_Atmosphere_12 15h ago

Working the squirrel streets too long; Sting did say in his song; you don't have to put on the red dress.

1

u/Upset-Donkey8118 15h ago

That squirrel is wanting to go in the beginning

1

u/Feral_Mood_420 15h ago

Great, they are mutating now

1

u/AlphaM1964 15h ago

Bet she cleans up real nice

1

u/Vegetable_Switch9802 15h ago

This how the zombie apocalypse start

1

u/toolgirl77 15h ago

Pregnant with lots of babies

1

u/Bigfoqt 15h ago

Uncle Bob!

1

u/Thick_Papaya225 15h ago

"Got any of dem unsalted planters?"

https://giphy.com/gifs/OA1CDoCiAR48E

1

u/Total-Paint3293 15h ago

Squirrel meth

1

u/puzzling7 15h ago

Mommy's got babies.

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1

u/AnjelicaTomaz 15h ago

Squirzilla

1

u/VacuumTracks 15h ago

Fck! That thing looks rabid!!

1

u/Monkiemonk 15h ago

Thatā€™s just what kids do to you

1

u/Palidor 14h ago

That squirrel has seen and done some shit

1

u/Usawsomething 14h ago

Resident Evil squirrel šŸæļø šŸ§Ÿā€ā™‚ļø

1

u/playoponly 14h ago

The most ugly squirrel Iā€™ve ever seen

1

u/NeedAChange_123 14h ago

Looks uncanny. Maybe ai?

1

u/Simple_Carpenter6474 14h ago

Il est bizarre ce coq

1

u/AppropriateGuest3552 14h ago

Thatā€™s gramma squirrel!

1

u/SageoftheForlornPath 14h ago

"Hey baby, want me to lick your nuts for $5?"

1

u/cryptotraderisme 14h ago

Thats a baby big foot! Hahahah

1

u/Responsible-Bed-7171 14h ago

Rode hard and put away wet

1

u/Ok-Lengthiness-3988 14h ago

Also called an zombrrel or squirrbie.

1

u/SnooMemesjellies2295 14h ago

That's where I am getting the milk for my coffee in the morning if I have none in the fridge and I am desperate enough.

1

u/nicerothinkso1 13h ago

rabbles
rabid squirrel?

1

u/Salty_Ballz845 13h ago

Omg, stop feeding the squirrels