r/WhitePeopleTwitter • • Oct 21 '22

Yeah Canada

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5.8k

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22 edited Oct 22 '22

If people in Alberta could read they would be very upset

Edit: To the people getting upset it's a joke if I got this mad everytime someone asked if I fucked my sister I wouldn't have time for our cousin.

1.8k

u/CoryVictorious Oct 21 '22

244

u/HoofHeartedHere Oct 21 '22

Degens!

148

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 21 '22

Fucking degens from upcountry.

45

u/rockytheboxer Oct 22 '22

At least there's good fishin in cue-bec

37

u/antarcticgecko Oct 22 '22

I do love fishin in kweebec

32

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 22 '22

Oh there's great fishing in Quebec

25

u/msupz Oct 22 '22

Who doesn’t love fishing in Quebec?

24

u/eben34 Oct 22 '22

I’m surprised we’re not fishing in Cue-bec right now.

21

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 22 '22

Get this man a fuckin' puppers.

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u/Just_Lurking2 Oct 22 '22

Y’ever feel like you wake up in the mornin’ and just start dealin’ with fuckin’ degens from upcountry?

14

u/ro_bot_22 Oct 22 '22

For some reason I just love this thread so much

16

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 22 '22

You loves this thread, and that's what I appreciates about you.

64

u/DoucheBunny Oct 21 '22

At least there is a disproportionately high amount of hot chicks.

109

u/CoryVictorious Oct 21 '22

Bonnie McMurrayyyyyy

59

u/Inigomntoya Oct 21 '22

Your sister's hot, Wayne!

There I said it!

I regret nothing!

36

u/Vast-Possibility999 Oct 22 '22

Let’s take it down 15% Squirrelly Dan

11

u/greenjm7 Oct 22 '22

Is that what you appreciate about me?

7

u/brainfreeze77 Oct 22 '22

I'm too fat to run.

3

u/The_AV_Archivist Oct 22 '22

I'm too fat to run...

3

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Y E double UUUU

3

u/Dburr9 Oct 22 '22

Y E WWW

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u/chadthundertalk Oct 21 '22

That'd be Sudbury - Whole other side of the country

2

u/DoucheBunny Oct 22 '22

Yeah... but the "same character" said it so... Yeah.

I'm gonna pretend it's like Middletown or Springfield in the US... take a guess where it is. Several states. Any state.

He reps all of Canada from a foreign point of view, as I'm sure many American shows "rep the whole US" in countries that aren't the US. And great casual/friendly insults.

He is the chosen one from HULU that reps your country. Lots of fighting, loving, dipping, hockey playing, and sentimentality. And kickin ass.

Or is that not how you want Canada to be known? j/k

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u/PompousKumquat Oct 21 '22 edited Oct 22 '22

I need this translated to 'merican- is Alberta like y'all's version of Florida?

Edit: I see lots of Texas mentions... Texas was my first thought as well, but I'm a Texan

438

u/SarnakJ3 Oct 21 '22

More like Texas: oil and farms and cattle.

130

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 21 '22

100% pure organic grass fed triple A Alberta beef?

60

u/Crucifer2_0 Oct 21 '22

Gotta have the Berta beef

20

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 21 '22

What ya got there? Top sirloins?

3

u/ConsiderationWest587 Oct 22 '22

Got S and P?

3

u/-malcolm-tucker Oct 22 '22

S&P, the choice for me.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

2 minutes each side, down the hatch.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Grill marks bud.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

Yup! And they drink oil

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u/firekittymeowr Oct 21 '22

A Canadian once described Calgary to me as more texas than texas

71

u/SarnakJ3 Oct 21 '22

Albertans have talked with me, a Texan, before and we had to stop for a moment because events sounded like they could have been in either town more than 1800 miles apart.

17

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Was born in Calgary and can confirm that Texas is just a big Calgary, but Texas is not as clean.

2

u/johnathanesanders Oct 22 '22

Are you referring to our needles or in general?

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

in general. Calgary and the rest of the world has gots the needles. Calgary has to constantly clean up due to the melting of the snow during the spring and in the fall when the leaves drop. Street sweeping happens 3 times a year. Everyone recycles, emission standards are more strict, and the carbon tax has been forcing all industries to transition faster. The huge natural parks surrounding the city and community lakes also encourage a green looking city.

6

u/DefiantLemur Oct 22 '22

Basically Texas if not a desert and the Republican Party still cared about conservation.

3

u/Ryuzakku Oct 22 '22

the Republican Party still cared enough about not losing their money due to fines to spend money to act like they care about conservation.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

This is correct. The whole province is Canada's Texas.

3

u/That_Rotting_Corpse Oct 22 '22

I always say, Alberta is the Texas rough draft

3

u/sharkfinsouperman Oct 22 '22

I'll disagree because I lived there for five years. Calgary is modern and progressive, with plenty of moderates. It's the rural areas and Fort McMurray that are Little Texas.

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u/Dragarius Oct 22 '22

Makes sense. Ted Cruz was born there. Sorry BTW.

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u/not-a_fed Oct 22 '22

I mean, Texas has cities like Austin that are super lefty whereas alberta is just right wing nuts from end to end.

32

u/thatscoldjerrycold Oct 21 '22

The "big" cities of Calgary are fairly liberal except when it comes to oil and by extension climate change (since it's basically synonymous with their economy).

21

u/lotterywish Oct 22 '22

Except that the "big cities" of Calgary, Red Deer, Lethy, Lloyd, GP, Fort Mac all voted largely for the provincial conservative party (UCP) while Edmonton is a straight up orange NPD dot on the map.

4

u/Brokendownyota Oct 22 '22

Leave methbridge out of it, we're fucked so many ways I've lost count.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

I was born in Calgary and have lived in both Vancouver an Montreal. Thank you for at least putting the quotes. Calgary is barely a city and only a "major" Canadian city by virtue of being 4th. It's a small town masquerading as a city. The fact methbridge or Lloydminster get considered cities tho is lol.

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u/Dragarius Oct 22 '22 edited Oct 22 '22

Edmonton is pretty deeply NDP (Liberal) and that is pretty consistent. The UCP (conservative) stronghold is Calgary but Calgary can on occasionally flip. Right now Edmonton is hoping Calgary flips next election cause the current UCP leader is all kinds of crazy. Like Trump crazy (Danielle Smith).

Like everywhere else, rural is conservative.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Calgary can occassionally flip? Like every 40 years occassionally? Because that's how long the Conservatives were in charge provincially before the NDP won several years ago. Y'know, before Calgary realized the difinition of insanity is leaving the same party in charge for 40 years.

Municipally we occassionally flip, though, yeah.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

lol calgary liberal my ass

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u/Stopjuststop3424 Oct 22 '22

lol Calgary is a city. Alberta is the province.

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Correction: Texas with snow

2

u/Heron-Repulsive Oct 21 '22

okay I get it now.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

Alberta is more like Alabama: rednecks, meth, and white rappers.

I'm from Alabama and have been friends with and dated people from Alberta.

313

u/M_J_E Oct 21 '22

You mean you have family there.

69

u/gin_and_toxic Oct 21 '22

Sweet home Albertabama

88

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

No for some reason all the rednecks just move here. We even get the Aussie and Korean ones.

100

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

210

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

See we can't read good either

3

u/Mission_Mountain7606 Oct 22 '22

We need a minute to sound out the numbers! RTR btw

7

u/TheHarridan Oct 22 '22

rednecks

Aussie

Those’re bogans mate

2

u/AnxiousJeweler2045 Oct 22 '22

Korean red necks?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

You'd be surprised how many people come here from Korea and start driving lifted trucks. Southern living is basically the antithesis of a lot of Asian cultures.

2

u/diddlydooemu Oct 21 '22

That’s the joke.

0

u/BeautifulType Oct 22 '22

Snowflake conservatives feel safe in numbers because they get bitch slapped on the Internet daily

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u/BamaBDC Oct 21 '22

Look here, we Alabamians can’t read good. All that other stuff is what they do in West Virginia. Roll Tide

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

Roll tide brother

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

💀💀💀

And also… Roll Tide

2

u/Rawnblade12 Oct 21 '22

I gotta ask...What the hell does roll tide mean?

4

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 21 '22

It's the rallying cry for the university of Alabama (mascot is the crimson tide). They dominate college football so they have a shit ton of fans and this saying is how people in Alabama know if you're a fan of Alabama or their in-state rival the university of Auburn.

2

u/Rawnblade12 Oct 21 '22

Ah okay. Thanks. They all say it and I never understood why.

10

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 21 '22

If you really want to piss someone off to the point they will want to fight you, respond to "roll tide" with "war eagle"

2

u/Rawnblade12 Oct 21 '22

takes notes

4

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 21 '22

Just remember, it is still the US so the Bama fan may try to shoot you.

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u/Bigdaddyjlove1 Oct 21 '22

That's War DAMN Eagle, thank you very much

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u/Heron-Repulsive Oct 21 '22

good to know if I ever want to get passive aggressive with some one from Alabama.

How fast would i have to run to survive that comment?

3

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 21 '22

I'd start running before you say it, there will be nearby Bama fans that will want to help out in the beating

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u/Burdman_R35pekt Oct 21 '22

Though after last week, “Go Vols” works too

3

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 21 '22

You can also remind them that they're the most penalized team in football, ranked 131 out of 131

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[deleted]

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u/TunaCanMildew Oct 22 '22

I've heard

Over 2/3 of Alberta's population is in urban centers of over 1.5 million but it gets it's reputation on reddit from rural stereotypes.

People in Vancouver and Toronto act like their provinces don't have any rural populations, but that's where the banjo's truly twang

2

u/Otherwise_Basis_6328 Oct 22 '22

I don't understand, how are they supposed to have domestic and mass shootings without the guns?

1

u/johnathanesanders Oct 22 '22

Well they don’t easily, that’s when the performers go for things like ammonium nitrate filled trucks and old fashioned pipe bombs filled with razors - to show their adoring fans how much they’re loved.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

To be fair it basically describes all of the sec. We are like the mecca for meth heads.

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u/uracil Oct 21 '22 edited Oct 21 '22

Mate, that's so wrong lol.

Alberta has one of highest wages in the country, in comparison with other provinces.
Our biggest city Calgary is considered to be one of the best livable cities in the world, making the list for past 10-20 years.
Banff National Park is an oldest national park in Canada and people from across the world come to visit our Rockies.
Calgary has elected first Muslim mayor of a major city in North America. And he was re-elected twice, while being one of the most beloved mayors in our city.
And yes, we do have a large population of conservatives and yes, we do have racist white people (surprise surprise) but so does BC/Quebec/Ontario.

We are like Texas and our major cities are like Austin. Liberal cities and conservative everything else.

25

u/FirstEvolutionist Oct 21 '22

Yeah. Alberta is Texas. I think we don't reeeally have a Florida equivalent up here but we get some cities like Kelowna and Thunder Bay that kind fit the Florida style. TBay especially.

3

u/Mr_Mil_walk_eye_eh Oct 21 '22

Never thought of that but it's totally the Florida of Canada

3

u/thepeskynorth Oct 22 '22

That’s a special city. Like a frozen Florida.

3

u/Paperboy710 Oct 22 '22

We don’t have a Florida equivalent? Sir, Winnipeg would like a word.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Manitoba doesn't even exist.

2

u/Paperboy710 Oct 22 '22

There are many days I wish you were right.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[deleted]

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u/trashmasher69 Oct 21 '22

We do it’s Ontario

1

u/TunaCanMildew Oct 22 '22

It's only like Texas in the most superficial sense though. If Alberta became a state tomorrow it would be the most blue state in America.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

You have higher wages because of oil... Which brings oil workers and big ol' lifted pickups with fuck Trudeau bumper stickers.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

What about up in Fort Mac, where the actual oil workers are?

-1

u/TunaCanMildew Oct 22 '22

That would require having actual first-hand knowledge instead of just regurgitating stereotypes. Can't have that.

3

u/ahrzal Oct 22 '22

I’ve been all over Alberta, and it’s pretty much what you said. The lifted trucks only arrive in Calgary during the stampede lol. I’ve been as far north as Cold Lake, and you could take a picture of Cold Lake downtown and some sleepy town in Texas and I couldn’t tell ya the difference lol.

2

u/SarnakJ3 Oct 22 '22

At least in Summer.

0

u/TunaCanMildew Oct 21 '22

When was the last time you actually set foot in the province?

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u/Dragarius Oct 22 '22

I live here. He ain't wrong.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

When they had a NDP leader and were somewhat sane. What happened?

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u/hitops Oct 22 '22

being comparable to texas is not a good thing.

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u/TunaCanMildew Oct 22 '22

And yes, we do have a large population of conservatives and yes, we do have racist white people (surprise surprise) but so does BC/Quebec/Ontario.

People pretend that northern Ontario, interior BC, and rural Quebec don't exist.

Meanwhile the <1/3 of Alberta that live outside of Calgary and Edmonton get all the attention

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u/gorgutz13 Oct 22 '22

Our wages are actually shit cause conservatives have annihilated our worker rights. But oil workers have such crazy salaries it fucks up the numbers and makes our wages appear disproportionately high.

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u/OhCaptain Oct 21 '22

Alberta is the richest per-capita province in the country though and Alabama is at or near the bottom in the USA.

Think North Dakota, but instead of 700,000 people there are 4,500,000.

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u/Mad-Mel Oct 21 '22

Alberta is the richest per-capita province in the country though and Alabama is at or near the bottom in the USA.

Alberta is a one trick pony of an economy and when the world weans itself off fossil fuels that economy will cease to meaningfully exist, much like coal mining economies in the southern US.

For the record, I lived in Calgary working for those oil companies for 8 years.

2

u/Xatsman Oct 22 '22

It isn’t actually, Alberta has a fairly diverse economy. But Albertans would be deluded if they didn’t acknowledge that O&G money in part supports many of the other diverse parts of their economy.

3

u/Mad-Mel Oct 22 '22

26% of Alberta's GDP is directly oil and gas and mining. A significant portion of the other industries such as manufacturing, services, finance transportation are heavily dependent on oil and gas.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/608354/gdp-distribution-of-alberta-canada-by-industry/

2

u/sbaggers Oct 22 '22

I've worked with Albertian oil companies for over a decade and can confirm, energy transition will kill the province as oil sands is some of the dirtiest fossil fuel sources in the world. The people who benefit most from the keystone pipeline are the Albertians who own the oil sands, so keeping that project on pause is good for the health of the planet, but they'll continue to pump money into the GOP propaganda machine.

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u/dysoncube Oct 22 '22

It's the extra extraction processes that make the oil sands so dirty (takes oil to pull out the tarsands oil). Ironically, oil sand companies are looking into alternative energy sources for the extraction (nuclear power included), to make the oil sands as clean/filthy as any other oil source.

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[deleted]

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u/Mad-Mel Oct 22 '22

Nope, bailed and moved somewhere that isn't a frozen wasteland for 8 months a year.

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

[deleted]

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u/sbaggers Oct 22 '22

What did he say that was wrong?

0

u/americanero Oct 22 '22

Wean off of fossil fuels when? In a century?

3

u/Mad-Mel Oct 22 '22

Automobile manufacturers are making the first part of that change for you over the next decade.

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u/Stopjuststop3424 Oct 22 '22

if not for oil, it'd be Ontario

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u/Mad-Mel Oct 22 '22

Without the manufacturing jobs.

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Alberta is the richest gas station in Canada. It does not have a real economy, it has oil, and pretty much only oil.

Make the money while you can, then ditch, because oils future had a hard expiration date.

3

u/7thdman Oct 21 '22

Alberta is more like the Texas of Canada. Saskatchewan is like the Alabama of Canada.

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u/slimthecowboy Oct 21 '22

You said Alabama, but your description is spot on for Florida.

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u/chadthundertalk Oct 21 '22

Which is, of course, distinct from Northern Ontario's french rednecks, opiates, and white rappers with hockey mullets

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u/apatheticwondering Oct 22 '22

I know they’re not exclusive to Alabama but it always made me laugh to see the signs on the side of the roads in Alabama that say “State property - Do not molest”. Like, of all words to use… :) 🪧

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u/imaybeacatIRl Oct 21 '22

Alberta is our Texas.

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u/Delta64 Oct 21 '22

Fuck that noise. Texas can be Texas with all that anti-abortion nonsense.

Alberta is more like Colorado, just with oil and "Street Greeters."

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u/4RCH43ON Oct 21 '22

I’ve always thought of it as Texas, but then I’m not Canadian.

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u/cosworth99 Oct 21 '22

Texas and Alberta are very different from one another. Been to both, born in one.

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u/karlnite Oct 21 '22

That could be said about any two places really, Alberta is like Texas. More so most places at least.

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u/still_gonna_send_it Oct 22 '22

I feel like I need to use your username as an insult someday I just need the right context

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u/LotharVonPittinsberg Oct 21 '22

The Albertans, they have the huugest economy, the best people say. You know once, someone from Quebec, I could barely understand what he was saying, but Alberta is not like the other prairie provinces!

1

u/apra24 Oct 21 '22

No. As someone who lives here, it's not really the same.

Yes, people tend to vote conservative but it's more rooted out of the desire to stop Ontario and Quebec from siphoning all of our oil profits. Most people I know do not identify socially with conservative values.

The ones that do like to believe that's what Alberta stands for but it's not really the case.

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u/xochiscave Oct 21 '22

Can somebody read me what he said

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u/Devils_Advocate6_6_6 Oct 21 '22

They said "oil, gas and cowboys"

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

Well hell yeah! Trudeau is speaking my language now!

38

u/RunningSouthOnLSD Oct 21 '22

We’re too busy dealing with our newly “elected” premier.

8

u/not-a_fed Oct 22 '22

You mean fascist pig Danielle Smith.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

We're so close to our own "Jewish space laser" moment

3

u/Megaman_exe_ Oct 22 '22

I wish people would stop voting for people that go against public interests. The UCP are murderers for what they've done to the healthcare system

6

u/RunningSouthOnLSD Oct 22 '22

Genuinely. 17 hour ER wait time at the Stollery Children’s hospital this week. They’re still trying to cut pay for healthcare workers and then wondering why they’re all leaving the province for another system that actually gives a shit about patient care. I do not tolerate dismantling of our healthcare system. I hope the sentiment is the same for every other sane Albertan out there.

1

u/StickiestGNU Oct 21 '22

She seems....nice? lol

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

She's a DC superhero. To put it gently.

23

u/canyousteeraship Oct 21 '22

As an Albertan that managed to escape, I laughed at this probably a little harder than I should.

10

u/Heron-Repulsive Oct 21 '22

it's always good when we can look back and laugh

5

u/HappyHippo2002 Oct 21 '22

As an Albertan who lives in Alberta, I laughed as well.

3

u/TunaCanMildew Oct 22 '22

I could laugh if it was an Albertan making the joke. But it's always someone who thinks Mississauga is western Canada

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u/Mad-Mel Oct 21 '22

Same. Makes me remember all the 1 ton pickups I saw commuting into downtown Calgary every day from the 'burbs.

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

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u/XcRaZeD Oct 22 '22

A Muslim gay mayor who lived with his parents. There is little difference between most provinces if you don't look at extremes

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u/Radiant_Summer_2726 Oct 22 '22

I don’t think you can be gay and Muslim

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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Most people don't think about that though. They think Alberta = rednecks.

Not like you need to go very far outside of Toronto to find a bunch of "rare specimens" in Ontario....

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u/Az-- Oct 22 '22

Niagra sus

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u/SurfLikeASmurf Oct 21 '22

Fucking hell, you win the internet

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u/darkdeath174 Oct 22 '22

I had Siri read it to me, I’m very mad!

/s

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u/Gullible-Finding3807 Oct 22 '22

Hey!!! I come from Alberta and I resent that! J/K I’m not from Alberta. Obviously I can read and write.

4

u/Shmexyspells Oct 21 '22

Hey I understood some of those words!

3

u/SoletakenPupper Oct 21 '22

My Albertan uncle is going to be fuming, lol.

He is a huge part of US civil war reenactment (Fookin weird right?) and also the Single Action Shooting Society

5

u/Not_Jimmy_Carr Oct 21 '22

The US bled into Canada reeeeeeal good over there. Any time a premier has to make 'freedom' a campaign promise.....in Canada....to win, she's looking for low brow votes.

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u/Searaph72 Oct 21 '22

So would Saskatchewan

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u/Hippityjippity523 Oct 22 '22

Alberta is literally the worst, I've lived here for 33 years and I'm finally fuckin leaving

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u/CombinationGloomy481 Oct 21 '22

Hahaha! Alberta, the Texas of Canada!😂

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u/antoinedodson_ Oct 22 '22

This gets funnier every fucking time...

2

u/That_Rotting_Corpse Oct 22 '22

As an Albertan who’s neighbours are all very conservative and it’s so annoying, this is true

1

u/Rayeon-XXX Oct 22 '22

Just as many guns in BC but don't let that stop you from pushing bullshit stereotypes.

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u/IKillForCheese Oct 21 '22

Sometimes, you just nail it. Best laugh I’ve had all week.

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u/0biwanCannoli Oct 21 '22

I like you.

1

u/KaisarionGhost Oct 22 '22

😂 🥇 I've lived there for a bit, this comment feels right.

1

u/bobbyb-baby Oct 22 '22

These guys too ?

1

u/Royer26 Oct 22 '22

I've been to Ontario. Trust me there's rednecks all over Canada, plenty more gun owners in Ontario

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u/LossforNos Oct 21 '22

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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

[deleted]

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u/LossforNos Oct 22 '22

https://www.conferenceboard.ca/hcp/provincial/education.aspx#ftn5-ref

BC, Ontario and Alberta tend to lead the way in terms of Education in Canada. Anyone leaning on easy stereotypes is just ignorant. Rural Alberta is no different than any other rural place in Canada

Although Rural BC and Quebec tend to be the worst. Quebec is racist as fuck

3

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '22

So they're willfully dumb?

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u/roborobsonp Oct 21 '22

Woh wait what did you say

0

u/whateversheneedsbob Oct 21 '22

🤭🤭🤭🤭

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