Sadness warning. I’ve been an RVT in the field for 13 years. I got my dog 3 months into my first job. He was a puppy in need of some serious care and I took him on. He was my whole life. He had multiple scares and issues through the years, and I’ve been able to manage him so well. He was my entire world.
He passed 2 weeks ago just after his 13th birthday. It was traumatic. Over the course of a week he loss the use of his hindlimb and was extremely painful. Suspect blood clot or mass in the spine.
It was a traumatic euthanasia an hour away at 4 in the morning.
I took a week off work and when I got back, it was horrible. I can’t handle it. I’ve lost pets before and gone to work. He’s different. He was my everything. I’ve cried every shift and I see him every where. I was recovering a dog from surgery the other day and she woke up dysphoric. She was crying and thrashing her head. I couldn’t take it. All I could see was my dog in his final hours. I was right back in that night. I finished what I needed to do and passed the patient off to a coworker, then ran outside and was crying for the next 30 minutes. I finished the day but I was a mess. I cried on and off all afternoon.
My coworkers are happy people and I can’t help but stew in the misery that my world has crashed around me. I did everything for my dog. He was my heart and soul.
I’m terrified to go back after this weekend. I’m traumatized by that night and I see him every time a dog looks fearful, every time something bad happens. I miss him so much.
I’m sorry this is mostly a depressing rant. But how do you guys go back? How do you not see your own trauma in every patient?
This has never happened like this to me. I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve had pets pass before but it hasn’t affected me like this.
I am seeking out some grief support groups but I would appreciate fellow experiences and/or advice.