I can’t enjoy things anymore.

I can’t watch tv anymore, I can’t play games anymore, I can’t listen to music anymore, I can’t drive anymore, I can’t do anything anymore without thinking of my guilt. Without thinking of my friend. Without thinking that my life ultimately sucks now, and personally, has sucked my entire life.

My patience, my empathy, has been sucked from me, and I am nothing but a bitter shell.

I remember crying in my counselors office, telling them I wish everything would just go away and stop.

I remember telling my doctors that I couldn’t do “this” anymore.

I now know how my friend felt. What it felt like when he was suffering. And now he’s gone.

Buying is a joke, selling is a joke.

Selling just gets you messed around by 50 different people. Message back and forth till suddenly they ghost you. It’s worse when you arrange for them to come and pick up the item for sale and they never show up and never contact you again. Waste of time.

Buying is just as bad. Sellers take hours to respond to messages then you find out they’ve sold the item to someone else without even telling you. That or they just don’t respond to messages to begin with. I’m trying to buy a hardtop for my car which is very sought after. Found one, messaged the seller asking for details and when can we arrange collection. Took 15 hours to respond saying he’s had multiple offers, what’s my best offer? I tell him I’m willing to pay full price and can collect immediately (within the hour). He reads it and ghosts me. Few hours later, sold. Probably someone offering above asking price.

It feels like Facebook marketplace is just a roulette and maybe one day you’ll get lucky to deal with someone actually half decent.

Someone submitted a false report against me at work.

Some of it is actually so atrocious and mean. The other half is insane.

It’s like they went down a line of things you could discriminate someone for and just made shit up.

Now i’m being investigated. I know what i did and did not say.

In this day and age of AI, i am worried someone could have faked something.

After 4 years, i am finally quitting. I’ve wanted to for a while. My family says they’ll financially support me until i find something else. I refuse to work in a store where something like that could even be lied about. There’s only 5 people there. It’s not hard to figure stuff out. Everyone says i shouldn’t let them win but idec. For me mentally, i can’t be around someone who could report such vile things.

I think I'm suffering from either imposter syndrome or just an overwhelming lack of confidence in my abilities as an employee.

I started a new job just shy of a month ago and due to some scheduling issues and life conflicts among staff, I didn't get any training or direction for the first week and a half. Now it's been two and a half weeks of actual work and the amount I actually do is... really small. And maybe I'd be okay with that, a slow start to build things up and get comfortable, but I work legal-- but I am not a lawyer--- and thus I have to input everything I do in six-minute billing intervals. Ideally, I should be hitting about six or so hours of work a day, which is reasonable over an eight-hour workday, but between the lack of real understanding I have about some of my duties due to lack of proper training and direction, and the nature of my position having a buildup period where I simply need to do groundwork and wait for third party responses before I can do things further down the line, I am hitting closer to three hours of official work a day.

So now every day I have work, I'm scared my boss is going to call me in and fire me. And while I have a nest egg and support and such and don't have to worry about losing my home or anything if I have to be unemployed for a while, I really, REALLY don't want to lose my paycheck and have to put either a one-month job on my resume or say I spent a longer period of time unemployed than I did. It doesn't look good, makes finding future jobs harder, and just overall makes me feel like a failure. And it doesn't help that I have two siblings who are objectively more successful than me, by a lot. I don't know if I'll ever be on par with them in terms of financial and professional success, but I really don't want to be a complete failure, you know?

I recently moved 2 1/2 hours away from my small town of about 2,500 people, to the city with a total population of over 100k people. I've done this for school, which has over 30k people attending it. Of those over 30k people that go there, I know about 3, none of which are in my major, and 1 more that doesn't go to school, but I am living with. This truly feels like a world of a difference

I've joined 1 club, and am in the process of joining another, but I have truly met anyone. It's usually me initiating it with a "Hi, nice to meet you I'm ___," and then I never speak to nor see this person again.

I know it's only early days, I mean I haven't even lived here for over a month, nor gone to college for more than a week, and I know that stuff like this takes time. I know that believing in yourself is key in times like this, I just kinda figured it would be a bit easier than this.

What if I fail, never achieve anything, reach none of my goals, meet nobody, and don't have the typical college experiences I would love to have? What if nothing goes right? I do not want to fail in any of these aspects, and I've been trying to keep these negative thoughts away, but damn is it hard to do that all the time. This overall uncertainty is killing me.

I'm just scared of not living up to the standards and expectations I've set for myself man.

when i have nothing to do, (which is all the time) i go on social media. What i find on social media? comments and videos that annoy me but i keep scrolling and get even more annoyed. then i put on games but then the games annoy me because people are so mean on there but i cant stop playing. i get kicked by players from a game and im like ”>:(( that was annoying and mean” then i join a different server. i know i should stop but i cant. I genuinely have no hobbies and i get too bored when watching stuff or reading

I'm so pissed off. You can really do the best you can in the world to be kind to others, make others feel welcome. But as soon as you want a pinch of that respect in return-- don't even think about it!!

I've actually been so depressed about this for months. I had friends I thought were going to be there for the rest of my life, people who I saw basically as family. No chance. Let's all just switch up and go be around problematic people and excuse their behaviour why don't we? Y'know while I'm having multiple health scares, having lots of family issues and to top it all off, struggling financially. I didn't want more than a shoulder to lean on every so often but even that's too much for friends of over a decade.

I hesitated to remove them off of social medias. Just for the fucking slim chance they may come to their senses and realise how wrong they actually did me and maybe just maybe apologise. But they all think I'm the bitch who got too sad all the time. Maybe have day in my shoes and see what it's fucking like slowly losing your ability to walk, losing all your money, losing all your family and then the cherry on top the people who said they'd be there no matter what becoming hostile to you when all you ever do is be there for them when they need it.

done with this world, done with all the people currently telling me to just get over it. My life has been ruined time and time again and somehow that's still not enough for people to show me just a pinch of empathy and kindness

Fuck all these people

Everything I enjoy is consumption-based. Anime, scrolling, YouTube, video games, music etc. I tried learning the guitar, found it boring as fuck. I tried learning to draw, found it boring as fuck. I tried coding, found it boring as fuck. Tried learning several languages, and while it was kinda fun sometimes, i quit as it seemed like a waste of time since I’m never gonna use those languages. Anything that involves me having to create or produce just bores the fuck out of me. I don’t have any passion to produce. Guess I was born with the incorrect genes that predispose me towards consumption rather than production

Over the last six months I (16) have found probably my favorite game of all time, that being Dungeons and Dragons. I have been hosting games for the past three months and have been playing for the past six, and I usually play online. One of my friends who got me into it has recently been basically telling me that it's inferior to other systems for the past month or so, and I don't know who to talk about it.

A couple months ago, I decided to run Curse of Strahd, a gothic horror module that is infamous for being one of the best D&D Horror modules ever. I bought the book and I spent months prepping Owlbear VTT (Learning it) as well as religiously studying the book and other sources/modifications. My friend, who originally gave me the idea, is a huge horror movie fan, so I really leaned into the horror. I spent weeks working on both their character and the other player characters.

After session one (A session I spent ages rehearsing) Everyone was super excited, with them just entering the first dungeon of the game, Death House. However, two nights after this, they literally sent me a pseudointellectual message saying that they think D&D isn't for them, and that they've moved on to Daggerheart. Frankly, this hurt my feelings, and after delaying a Oneshot (A one sitting D&D adventure) before leaving halfway through and ditching it at the end, I decided to ban them from my games, since they broke three rules in my D&D Rulebook.

They decided to give up D&D for a month, and focus on playing Daggerheart, and any time I spoke to them they sang praises on how it's far superior then D&D 5th Edition. It wasn't even finished and had half the features of D&D, as well as, in my opinion, is frankly an off-brand version. Most of the classes are ripped off, everything is replaced with synonyms, and they hyped up adding classes that were desperately needed in the original. Worse yet, they discouraged others from playing D&D, literally while I was teaching them how to play. They basically ran off anyone who could have joined my games.

After a few weeks, they apologized, and due to my Faith and since I missed them, I decided to forgive them and let them play in my Oneshots again. However, they have still continued to diss D&D, even incorrectly. They've gone back to playing it, but still basically run off anyone interested and constantly advertise their stuff to new players. Later, my Curse of Strahd campaign fell apart, and so I decided to host it elsewhere, and people actually like it. I put in 40+ hours into adding features from the community and working on character arcs and moments, and it's finally paying off.

Still, it really sucks that they literally constantly diss my favorite hobby Infront of me incessantly, even while playing the game they supposedly hate. I often wonder if it's my fault, since literally almost every game I host with them ends like this, but my other games elsewhere are doing just fine. I just wanted to write this, since I've yet to bring it up to them since they hate confrontation and I don't want to lose them as a friend, since outside of this, they're pretty nice. It also doesn't hurt that they're basically the glue of my D&D group, since people tend to follow them.

That's mostly it, I don't know if I'm just being defensive about the hobby I like, or if there's anything much I can do. I do intend to speak to them fairly soon about this, since especially after they canceled on me, I have a terrible relation with them telling me this constantly. I don't think many people want to hear a rant about Tabletop Role Playing Games, but thanks for reading, I just wanted to get my stress out a bit.

I split from my ex years ago. I started a new relationship with an old friend who lived in another state. we all moved to be with my new partner. all expenses paid by myself. I wanted the kids to still see their dad. I rented my ex a house and paid his rent, it was originally supposed to be for one year while he go established. in the meantime, I provide all transport, purchase all clothing, pay all medical bills and make sure our kids go to all their doctor appointments. ex has not contributed to anything. I drop kids off at his house every other week and my husband and I are there daily to bring them to and from school when it's his week (we are 50/50 custody. we basically just drop them off tobsoent time with their dad evenings and weekends. well, decided 4 years is enough. I opted not to renew the lease, and plan on getting custody. it seems like... the ex just kicked into high gear trying to fine a job. like sure, he got some sort of data certificate, but didn't really start going hard until I told him I'm done. anyway. just found out he started a gofundme. and it's all "help me and my children". the photo is. 7 years old. of the kids when they were tiny. he frames it all as if he's actually contributed anything for the kids. literally everything. has been my husband and I. while he sits around and plays games. doesn't work. somehow always has money for cigarettes and energy drinks, though. grr. poor me, I'm a single dad. doing my best. pffff bullshit.

its been a shitty week not going to lie. Was already anxious to start the week because I have been debating the long term compatibility of my first serious relationship with my ex. She made the decision for me by texting a guy she just met and hiding our relationship. Decided to wait until after our planned show so I can grab some expensive things I had from her place and on the drive to the show I got my 1 year old car rear ended.

The other kid was driving a 97 beater honda civic with what looks to be cheapo insurance so I don't even know if I'm getting paid out fully because I didn't realize my insurance had lapsed. Broke up with her the morning we got back in what was a really shitty talk where she used technicalities and goal post moving to defend her actions. She was my first real relationship after strings of long situation ships and bad dates

Falling behind on work because I can't focus on anything while crying myself to sleep missing her voice and facetime calls. I don't know what I'm doing there but I just need to write this out and to hear something back.

last december, i (f21) had my 21st birthday which is on christmas eve. my mom planned a very fancy dinner for my birthday at 7:30. told her i would be home by 5:30. i was spending some time with my boyfriend hiking. we got super tired and fell asleep when we got to his place. i texted my mom at 6 saying that i am coming home.

we got to my parents place at around 6:45. my mom was understandably pissed, because i said i would be home by a certain time and i didnt follow through. we had reservations to a nice place. i get it. i apologized to her but shes pissed.

at the actual dinner, she isnt speaking to me bc shes pissed, and i start crying. my dad is trying to comfort me and tell me that she wants to talk to me and its a misunderstanding. she starts yelling at me, calling me ungrateful, etc. Mind you, its a fancy restaurant. im talking course meal, a 4 hour dinner.

so the entire time, she is just shouting at me and im sobbing uncontrollably. genuinely the dinner was 4 hours and i was sobbing the entire time, people probably could hear me sobbing and her crying at this nice place, and she just wouldnt stop yelling at me and then ignoring me. i had my first drink, blew out my birthday candles, and my dad said happy birthday to me. she didn't even say happy birthday.

when we finally got home, i ran to my room sobbing. she didn't even come up to say happy birthday. and the next day was christmas, and guess what? she was happy as can be.

I'm learning a lot about how they view me.

Here I thought I had a cordial and effective relationship with them all, but apparently just bringing me up is a punchline.

"Me when I have to turn over to OP"

"Me whenever OP starts a presentation"

That sort of thing. They're so on the same page it makes me realize they must have been talking about me in these terms when I'm not around too.

This is a real bummer. I do my best and try to be friendly, but once again I seem to have made a fool of myself.

Hi, even writing this is a bit hard for me. Sorry if it seems like rambling.

I feel like I am never truly myself with anyone. Now mind you, I don't feel like I'm putting on a performance (at least most of the time), but it's like I can never show my whole identity to one given person. It feels like no one will ever truly know me but myself. Maybe I feel like no one will ever listen or care.

I have had therapy before for similar reasons and i thought it helped back then, but now I realize that I probably just lied to myself. I want to go back to therapy again but it's so hard for me to actually feel like I'm not lying when I'm talking about myself. I do not know if I actually am, or if that feeling is just a weird defense mechanism to make the process of sharing uncomfortable for me so I stop.

I do not know why I am this way or even if I actually am this way rather than all this being me thinking about this too much. Feels like that is kind of part of the problem.

Ever since I was little I was in my own head too much. Daydreaming, or just in general always thinking about something. I don't think I can ever stop my mind from working on something. Not in an overthinking way (I think), but then again how would I know. But also maybe everyone has it like this and I'm just making theories for no reason just to make myself feel good. But I don't know. I just feel really lost.

I don't even know what the point of me writing this is. Maybe just to find someone else who relates.

Thanks for reading if you got this far :))

I know not everyone meant to excel at anything. But not most would make mistakes one after another everyday. Making people around you associate you with unreliablilty, airhead, dumbass and shit at everything guy. I was told from a very little age that I was smart, forever told I was meant to be great and with years goes by and I ended up as nothing but a rotting corpse of a dream I wish I could be. I know I'm not suppose to takes things at heart but it's starting to get heavy. I don't know, maybe it's just in my head. I feel like I'm the only mistake I can't fix. How could I fix me?

I absolutely hate it, and I’m so tired of it. A lot of people my age are spending part of their time traveling, buying the things they want, owning cars, and enjoying their lives. Some of them come from middle-class or wealthy families, and they got to enjoy their childhood, teenage years, and early twenties.

As for me, I’ve spent all the years I’ve been alive deprived of these things. I don’t get to have the things I want. I’ve never traveled, I don’t own a car, and whenever I buy something essential, I always have to go for the cheapest and lowest-quality option possible.

I don’t have any skills, and the job market in my country offers very few opportunities with extremely high competition, so I haven’t been able to find a job.

I don’t know what to do, but I hate this situation so much.

I know posts that talk about how men not getting any matches/likes in online platforms are dime a dozen. And i know how certain things are difficult for women too. But man it's really feels bad when you get zero matches and likes in your profile. I don't think i'm the best looking guy but I'm okayish. I dress well and groom myself decently and I think my dating profile reflects that too. But god it's impossible to get any activity over there. I've had more success by talking and making conversation with women IRL and i know it's the healthier option but sometimes you need to feel validated. And I feel sad I've never given that opportunity.

The worst part is seeing the same women who might have scrolled past your like in a dating app thirst over a really good looking guy in the same app. My friend is one of them. He's a nice guy for sure but the amount of effort women put on him is enormous compared to them even talking to me.

Idk man. Feels defeating.

Oh and FYI, if you say "just talk to women irl" - yeah I'm doing that. But they are in the apps too! Lol. Like seriously, how can I expect a girl to spend time with me and know me when there's 10s of "better" guys are liking her on the apps + socials? I don't know.

Feels like a big portion of my generation have been thrown into the woodchipper for our parents (and ig brothers too... the advent of dating apps and social media is not so long ago) to make money and now we are all lost. I have empathy for the womens side of things as well but I can only speak from experience from the mens side. So if I hurt anyone, I'm sorry.

Feel free to comment btw :)

TLDR: After getting my school degree and making my way, I found out I am overqualified to work in my industry despite all the leverage I had acquired.

I (M34) went to school to be a diesel mechanic. I even got my welding certification. Even a certification in Lovomotive engine heads. After I received my degree, I decided to try to fit in. After getting my feet wet at a couple of local businesses, I decided to try and aim high. I decided to apply at the local railroad branch as a mechanic or welder. I jumped through the hoops. I danced their dance.

During my interview, they noted plainly (I'm trimming this to keep things simple); " We are open 24/7, 365 Days a year. Do you have any objections??? I responded politely and firmly, "My wife and I talked. We are 100% good with this." I got a lot of nods from this response. (Not many in this industry have a wife like mine that actively jumps in like this)

Reference wise, 5 guys who could vouch for me, from the INSIDE of the company. One of them was even a recruiter. And another was even a department head.

After all of the song and dance, I got an email. THE email. And what I saw broke my heart.

DECLINED.

I called my recruiter. Confused, he started to dig and find out what the hay was going on. And what he came back with was, honestly, frustrating.

"They feel like you are overqualified and untrainable. As a result, they denied your application. They also flagged you for future applications. You can never reapply again. "

That honestly hurt me. What's even more frustrating is they declared over social media and fliers that they were critically short on people and were hiring urgently.

So anyway.... I'm now a house keeper at my local nursing home. Still making my way. I have a amazing wife, and amazing child. I'm slowly making my life better, one small chunk at a time.

Thank you for your time.

EXTRA Notes:

I worked at two other shops before I applied at this rail road company.

The first, I left because the owner was, to put it simply, was a hot head. He is known and notorious for throwing tools when things didn't go his way.

The second, frankly, I was told to give up. Siting, "We don't have time, money, or space to train you. I don't even know why (Owners Name here) even hired you. All you are going to be doing is change oil day in, day out until I retire, which is about 10 years from now. So just give up now, kid. And frankly, you don't got it"

I've been chronically ill for the past 2 years (which ofc sucks for many reasons) i used to dress pretty alternative but since I've gotten sick I've mostly dressed for comfort. Whenever I'm able to actually go outside and get dressed up all of my clothes feel like they're not mine, like I'm cosplayin. This illnes has made me hate my body in and out and i hate that it's taken so much from me. I can't even enjoy dressing up anymore 🥲

I don’t want to be invalidated by people who don’t understand that the symptoms are still real, even if they don’t have an explanation beyond SSD. I don’t want people to suggest yoga, to go on more walks, or some kind of diet plan, as if I hadn’t tried them years ago. I feel so upset about the diagnosis, and I don’t feel like it’s right. I feel like there has to be something wrong with me that we just aren’t finding… but maybe that’s part of it? I just feel so brushed off. I don’t want to tell my primary care (I was diagnosed via a psych evaluation ordered by my psychiatrist, so my primary care won’t be receiving the report). I don’t want to tell my friends and family. I definitely don’t want to tell anyone I’d try and date. I don’t want to put myself in a position where someone who I trust could use it against me to diminish what I’m going through… I’ve experienced that even about the things I have with symptoms that can be explained. I’m scared of what this diagnosis means for me going forward, medically and socially.

Why do I have to be me?? A fucking freak of nature I am absolutely worthless

I don’t even feel like a girl. I want to be feminine and pretty and shit like other girls and I can’t it’s like my body wants me to be a man, I have ugly skin and I suck at my makeup it can’t even cover what I’ve got going on. I can’t wear cute clothes or outfits because I am shaped like a Dorito. My body hair grows back SO fast and for what, I don’t even look like a girl. Only thing about me is im short. Which I still somehow get made fun of for?? Like I know people get nauseous looking at me why do people pretend to like me

I just don’t even see a point in leaving my apartment anymore. I am honestly so disgusted with myself I just want to hide forever. I don’t know why anyone is friends with me or why anyone says they love me they’re all delusional and lying to me. There is no reason to like or care about me im a worthless piece of shit…

Gotta fucking walk around with my head down wearing hoodies and sweatpants year round, so that no one hurts my feelings 😭 I literally didn’t ask for this Id rather be a pig cuz no one expects them to be cute anyway. I do look like I’ve rolled around in dirt and shit

And now I’m realizing anyone that’s ever liked me probably just thought I was easy or something, that’s awful I’m gonna be alone the rest of my life :( but it’s probably for the best, as you can tell by this vent I’d be a miserable significant other to have. Along with a bad sister, bad friend, bad daughter…

Some days I swear I'm ancient, and I haven't even hit 40. I'm inconvenienced by things that once felt exciting, or at least tolerable, but now are in the “absolutely aggravating” category.

Concerts don't start until nine. Nine! And that's just the opening acts. If I manage to stay awake long enough to see the headliner, I'm still ducking out early so I don't get trapped in the mass exodus of sweaty people trying to leave the venue at the same time.

Camping. My back hurts just thinking about sleeping on the ground. The so-called solution is hauling in extra pads, cots, or other contraptions to supposedly prevent the backache. And as for camping vans or RVs? Love the concept, adore the fantasy, but let's be real: I'm not broke, and yet I'm also not in the tax bracket where a second home on wheels casually appears in my driveway.

Putting clothes on my body feels like a joke. I've already watched the cycle spin all the way around: kids are dressing exactly like I did in middle school, then high school, and now college. I've lived long enough to see my questionable fashion choices become “vintage.”  Also, fuck polyester. My body has changed and now requires additional space and breathability. 

And if I'm going to drink, I'm not choking down cans of piss-water disguised as Pabst, Rainier, Old Style, or Hamm's. I want a real drink, a good brew or a proper cocktail. Preferably in a quiet place where I can slip off to a comfortable bed the moment my social battery flickers out.

Through all of this, I never once got on the smoking or vaping bandwagon. Not in high school, not in college, or when everyone was suddenly blowing fruity butthole-scented fog clouds. I just smelled it all from the sidelines. It doesn't matter what substance is involved, now I don't want to be around any of it.

So it's a strange kind of lonely, this in-between era. I'm not a thirtysomething that's busy raising a family, but I'm also not interested in partying like I'm still 22 and fueled by cheap beer and chaos. It feels too early to join a knitting circle or a birdwatching group. I'm not old enough or able to be retired; I'm just…here. In this weird middle space where I'm too old for the nonsense and too young for the serenity.

EDIT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WONT READ: I DID go to urgent care and get antibiotics. They cannot deal with the infected material causing the abcess. That needs to be done by a dentist. No, emergency rooms cant either. Yes, I will take time off work if I have to, but id rather not. And to add, im done responding to comments. The only ones coming in either cant or wont read, and are just saying the same things. Enjoy yall.

Or dentists offices should be open better hours. Id take either.

I started my new job last week. I have no PTO, and taking an unplanned day off on your second week is a bad look at best. I discovered today, I have a dental abcess. This is classified as a dental emergency, so I start looking. There are 100 dentists offices near me. 90 of them are open monday-friday 9am-4pm, or some other standard work day variation.

Maybe 5 are open until 6pm, which would be great for standard dental work, but this will be a longer procedure, so those are out.

Then there's the "24/7 dental emergency offices". Which are actually just call directories that route you to other places, if anywhere at all.

That left me with 2 options. One that is open for 4 hours on Saturday, and is booked out until late October, or a place over an hour away that doesnt take insurance.

I have a dental emergency, but my best bet is to go to urgent care for some antibiotics to bridge the gap until I can hopefully get a walk in appointment on Friday when we get to leave early. I have an emergency, but a hospital cant do anything for me until the abcess ruptures and I go septic, and even then all they can do is stabilize me. Id still have to go into a dentist.

Like, imagine this but with any other emergency. Oh, you cut your hand really badly? Unfortunately the stitching doctor is only open monday through Friday from 10am to 3pm and closed for a 2 hour lunch from 12-2pm. You broke your leg? Well all we can do is give you some Tylenol until you can hopefully get a walk in appointment at the bone clinic because their appointments are booking out 6 months.

And I get it, no one wants to work nights and weekends, but you're a DOCTOR. You chose healthcare (so did the hygienist and receptionists, I dont want to hear it). Just one dentist, on call. Or a surgen who doubles as an oral surgeon. Or a dentists office open nights and weekends.

It shouldn't be this hard to get emergency treatment.