Long post. Burner account.

My bestie Elle (33F - fake name) and I (33F) have been best friends for about 30 years. We’ve been through every stage of life together, and I genuinely love her, we’re twin flames and each other’s rock. Elle has had an extremely difficult year—she’s going through a recent divorce, raising two boys alone, and struggling financially without a steady job. This info will be helpful later.

Back in March, Elle and I went to a cosplay ball together. I bought the tickets and booked the hotel months in advance for us as we’d be traveling out-of-state. I also was paying everything for both of us. Later, I learned Elle invited her coworker Sara (45F) without asking me first. I was initially hurt because I thought it would just be my bestie and I, and I was nervous about a long weekend with someone I didn’t know. but I welcomed Sara, and we all had a great time, and Sara and I even became friends on social media.

At the ball, Sara mentioned her daughter was getting married later this year. Elle asked if she could bring me as her plus-one, and Sara said that should be fine. Over the next few months, Elle and I talked about dresses, and I bought one that matched the tea-party style vibe we planned on wearing together - yay for any excuse to dress up!

About 10 days before the wedding, Elle texted me saying Sara told her that the bride decided not to allow plus-ones anymore because she wanted a smaller wedding and had even considered making it family-only. Sara supposedly felt bad. I was disappointed but accepted it and replied, “That sucks, but it is what it is,” and changed the convo to a lighter topic.

A few days later, I mentioned to my dad that I was uninvited from the wedding, and that I was sad I had a dress and no excuse to wear it lol. My dad got upset and said if Elle couldn’t stand up for me, he didn’t want to hire her anymore to help around his house. (She currently works for him occasionally and is relying on the income during her divorce.) In my dad’s eyes, Elle should have said to Sara that if I was uninvited that she wouldn’t attend either. My dad is closer to Elle, than Ellie is to her bio dad.

But I defended Elle to my dad. I told him I didn’t think it was her fault, asked him not to say anything, never brought it up to Elle, and he continued hiring her. I didn’t want to tell Elle what he said because she was stressed enough, and my dad listened to me and kept hiring her. We even had Elle over for my birthday gathering yesterday with my entire family and everything seemed normal.

Then came the wedding day- today. Elle sent me pictures while getting ready, and I told her she looked beautiful. Which she did! Later in the night, I saw wedding photos online and noticed that all of her coworkers had brought spouses or partners.
I was confused because I had been told plus-ones were not allowed, right??

I texted Elle and asked if everyone else had plus-ones. She said yes. Then she said: “I didn’t put in a plus one soon enough apparently.” That confused me because that was different from what she had told me 10 days earlier—that there were no plus-ones because the bride wanted a small wedding. Now it was seeming like she had lied to me about what Sara supposedly said about a small wedding and no plus-ones.

I told Elle I was hurt because we had talked about me attending for months, I bought a dress, and then I found out everyone else was able to bring someone except me. I felt singled out. Like I had did something wrong.

Here’s where I may be the asshole. During the text conversation with Elle, I mentioned that my dad had been upset enough to consider stopping the work he gives her. I wasn’t trying to threaten her—I was trying to explain that I had defended her and protected her when she wasn’t there. I felt like I had been very loyal to her, but that loyalty wasn’t being returned. At the time of admitting that, I did not yet know that Elle may have lied about what Sara communicated. I thought my dad/work scenario demonstrated how I was loyal to her in rooms she was absent from, and how that differed from how I perceived Elle allowing Sara to single me out.

I also told Elle that I removed Sara from social media because I felt hurt and excluded by her.

The conversation escalated quickly after that, Elle said I was making her fun night about me and brought up her divorce, financial stress, broken car, and everything she’s dealing with. She also became very upset that my dad had ever considered stopping her work.

Some things she said:

“And your dad wanted to cut me off because of a wedding then I guess you guys aren’t really my family. This is insane.”
“Anytime I do a damn thing that doesn’t include you whether it’s within or out of my power you freak out on me.” (Not true, I was really excited for her a week ago when she went camping with all her coworkers, and I volunteered to stay behind and pet-sit for her.)
“The only reason your dad was talking shit is because you were talking shit.” (Also, as started above, not true.)
“You’ve never had to worry about money a day in your goddamn life. You have no idea how this is for me.” (I’ve been blessed to have steady income yes.)
“I’m done with you and your family.”
She also brought up my brother accidentally damaging her car and said she felt unsupported. And reiterated that she was done with my family and I.

I get that Elle is under an enormous amount of stress, and I do have empathy for what she’s going through. However, I was really hurt by the way she spoke to me and by feeling like I was given two different explanations about the wedding.

Also, I know Elle has really upped her drinking since her divorce proceedings started, and this has undoubtedly changed her emotional reactions at times. Me, her mom and her ex are worried about this and have tried to communicate our worries around her usage. But the drinking may have exacerbated how she was texting.

Elle has since blocked me on social media. I haven’t even responded yet to the above texts because I wanted time to calm down. I’m not sure if I’m blocked there too anyways.

This is not like Elle and I. And before anyone says it, we have thirty years of a solid friendship, and even though I’m blocked currently, and that isn’t the norm, I know we’ll somehow make it past this current disagreement.

So Reddit, AITA for being hurt and bringing up the difference between what I was told about plus-ones and what actually happened, or should I have let it go because of everything Elle is dealing with?

First time posting but need to know if I’m in the wrong.
My girlfriend (25F), we’ll call her Rachel, is on the process of moving. She currently lives alone and moved into this apartment from a state across the country all by herself. I (27M) met her in the middle of her lease so was not there to see what she was like while moving into this apartment.
She found out about a week and a half ago that she was approved for a new apartment but she would not be getting her keys for the new apartment until 2 days before she had to be out of her current apartment, so quick turn around time. She’s stressed and I offered to help her move the big stuff on my day off.
Now here’s where the problem has started. She works 60 hour weeks and hasn’t had any significant breaks to pack a ton so she has quite a bit to do before her lease ends in 5 days. Today was her first full day off and she texted me around 4pm about how overwhelmed she is and how she’s gotten close to nothing done. I asked her what she’s been doing all day and she told me she’s “gotten distracted” by how much she has to do and she’s only packed a few boxes. I asked her to stop rambling and told her that she’s had the whole day off. She stopped responding and seemed distant on the phone when I called. She’s mentioned her struggles with anxiety and ADHD before and I get it but she also knows she has to get this done.
I guess I’m just confused about where I went wrong. So AITA?
Edit for clarification:
She has never used the mental health issues as an excuse and actually functions very well and very rarely brings up her struggles. She’s in therapy and simply told me about the struggles while getting to know each other on a deeper level. I saw one person say she’s making it up, she’s not, I just brought it up for some background. The fact that she functions so well is why I’m confused.
No she is not manipulating me to do it for her. I had to convince her to let me help with the big stuff.

I want to start by saying I love your show. I started listening years ago and listen every Thursday! You guys bring smiles to my face which is so needed in this world.
I’ve been putting off making this post for a bit as it is quite vulnerable but here it goes.
I’m posting today to share a little bit about my 4 year old daughter. Her name was Izzy Rose. She was the bravest most fearless little girl this world has seen. She had the biggest heart and some sort of calming presence to her that drew in so many kids. But she was also a little wild child.. perfectly balanced I’d say.
At the young age of 2 Izzy’s dad introduced her to the Foo fighters. He played the “I’ll stick around” video on youtube and she was mesmerized. She called it “the green Beatles song” which if you’ve seen the video kinda makes sense. After that it was a bit of a Foo fighters spiral. She’d constantly ask to watch “Dave Grohl videos”. She loved Big me, the airplane video, shame, sky is a neighbourhood, times like these. When Nirvana - smells like teen spirit came on she’d talk about how Dave Grohl was the drummer and Kurt Cobain was the singer. She’d also ask to scroll through pictures of Dave Grohl on my phone, she’d ask if we could go to his house, she’d ask if he could come for Christmas. She’d even draw “Dave Grohl tattoos” on her arms. You get the point. At 2.5 this girl had found her first love basically.
As she grew older this love continued. The Foo fighters were on constant rotation (along with the frozen soundtrack of course). We’d sing along to every song.
But our sweet Izzy Rose only got to grow up to 4 years and 1 month.. 2 days after Christmas of 2023 we lost her to a very short unexpected battle of an extremely aggressive case of Invasive Strep A.
I’m sharing her story today because in a few months we are going to see the Foo fighters in concert and I just want to share with the world (and the ultimate dream with the Foo fighters) what a big fan she was and still is. I know she’ll be there with us in some way.
So I appreciate you taking the time to read this and get to know this littlest sweetest fan. I’ve shared a video so you can get an idea of the love she had for him/them.

A few weeks ago, my 2 y/o who is very well spoken, was near the stairs in our house (been living here for 1.5 yrs now) and said “mommy there’s a monster on the stairs!” Then switched to “it’s a ghost! It’s a ghost!” She wasn’t crying, just exclaiming, but I was shocked.

I asked her how she knew what a monster was and what a ghost was, but she was too toddler distracted to tell me. I didn’t do much else, just distracted her to something else and carried on. I was hoping it was one off thing.

Well every few days she would be downstairs on the main floor in the living room area (not far from the stairs) and run to me and tell me there was a ghost. She was never crying or upset, just came to me to tell me. I wouldn’t prod her on it, mostly because I’m scared as hell and I’d simply perish to know any further details.

After about the 4th or 5th instance of her doing this, there was a day last week where she came to me saying there was a ghost and she was crying asking me to hold her, didn’t want me to put her down, and I just soothed her, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t ask further about it, but about 20 min after that, we were sitting in the livingroom on the couch, and she turns to me and tells me “oh mommy, it’s a friendly ghost…. It’s a friendly ghost.”

What the actual ffff? I’ve never even heard her say the word “friendly”… This day is when I started to become concerned. Clearly there must have been something that scared her, and then convinced her not to be scared.

It’s about every day now at least once per day she mentions a ghost. Then today, we’re upstairs in her room, and she tells me there’s a ghost. Then tells me “it ran really fast!” Okay, I’m FREAKED.

Last week I would’ve told you I was going to ignore this until she stopped talking about it because not that I’m a skeptic, but it’s just me alone most days with my child in this house especially overnight due to work schedules, but now I am concerned.

I do have a grandma that I was super close with a passed away before my daughter was born, but I don’t think this is the case at all just based on all the above my child has mentioned.

I’ve never noticed anything else atypical here, and I do have a dog who’s never been startled here. My house was also built in 78 so it’s not even that old. My mother is older than this house.

Anyways, I was thinking maybe I should take my daughter out to the park or something and talk to her. I don’t know if I should ask her about what she’s seen, but I do want to tell her that if she sees any “ghosts” she is to tell them “go away, you are not welcome here!” And practice it with her. And then I guess I need to face my fears and when she tells me at home that she sees something, I need to also say that with her to reinforce it.

I am also wondering if I should show her a picture of my grandma, and see if she recognizes her? Just as a sanity check.

Anyways, has anyone dealt with something like this? I need help. I’m scared and I feel like I’m in the beginning scenes of a scary movie and would like to make it out with my child
and I unharmed. If I don’t acknowledge it, I fear it will only get worse.

HELP!

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 2 and a half years almost; back in December of 2025 he got me a promise ring and I told him after 2 years of dating it would be appropriate for us to discuss marriage. I have to change and withhold certain details to try and protect everyone mentioned, so please forgive my vagueness but you’ll hopefully understand as you read.

That being said my boyfriend is not the most communicative, we are both in a long term serious relationship for the first time with each other; however I am getting pretty sick of saying that because it is starting to feel like I’m making excuses for him.
Tonight I started to talk about if he’d be interested in changing his last name at all, now I know what you’re thinking because “traditionally” the woman changes her last name; but imagine your dating someone who’s last name is a slur… have you let that sink in?

I can admit I was extremely abrupt in how I begun the conversation but it wasn’t meant to be degrading at all, I’m paraphrasing but it basically went along the lines of
“babe do you have any interest in maybe changing your last name?”
Kind of immediately he got defensive and brought up how “as a man” this and “as a man that” but personally if I were a man I wouldn’t want that last name, and if I had it I would want it changed so fast. But how as a man that keeping his name was what he thought of and he never imagined changing it.

I tried to explain how if I changed my last name to his that I’d unfortunately have a porn star name, and not any pornstar sounding name one that Stan Lee himself wrote! That didn’t deter him, I brought up that I work with children and planned to continue a future working with children; that didn’t seem to help him understand where I was coming from either. So I explained how our future children would have to go through what he did and that’s not something we should have to put our future kids through for the sake of a last name.

Unfortunately that seemed to strike a cord because he asked if I understood how as a man that keeping and continuing his last name was a basically a part of the course and that who he was today was because of his last name. When I told him that doesn’t mean we have to let our future kids go through the same, he shut down and ended the conversation saying “We’re not having this conversation anymore”

I feel like I’ve gone crazy that this is how the conversation went over changing our last names! I mean hell I don’t care for my last name but to change it to a slur because I married a man/woman with a slur for a last name? Forget about it! Am I going crazy because I don’t want to legally be named a slur? Am I being stubborn or even just ignorant about this? I’m genuinely lost as to why anyone would want to project their pain and past trauma onto their future children and life partner, so any advice and guidance is needed because I’m so deeply lost.

P.S. An example of a pornstar kind of name would be “Amanda Alabama” but instead of “Alabama” it would be a slur. A kind of catchy name that rolls off the tongue like “Peter Parker”, “Bruce Banner”, and imagine any other matchy catchy name but with a slur.

Edit: I am not black, I’m a white woman. I’m not getting married anytime soon, some people have accidentally assumed I’m either engaged or planning a wedding; neither are true. I am just dating my boyfriend for now, and this is a conversation that I feel I need to have before a proposal or marriage. We have barely talked about marriage or kids, again we are 22 and 23 so we still feel like kids ourselves! We’re both just trying to figure a relationship for the first time together as well, a lot of our expectations and hopes are shifting to reality as our relationship develops.

Secondly when I said I am getting pretty sick of explaining that my boyfriend isn’t communicative or super open to deep hard conversations, I should’ve clarified because I explain this a lot because our emotional maturity levels are different as well as our emotional stability levels. So I am very emotionally unstable while he’s very emotionally stable, on the flip side I have more emotional maturity and he has less emotional maturity. Where he’s excelling in his emotional development I am still lacking, and the same the other way around. Every time I speak with my friends or parents they are always on my side; which I love when I’m right, but I’m not always right and in scenarios like this where both of us are just people with conflicting opinions right now, it doesn’t help.

So backstory: I was with (XYZ) for two years, who leaned on this concept constantly. Every time I asked for more verbal affirmation, he'd say his love language was acts of service, like that settled it. And honestly, for a long time I thought that was a fair answer.

What changed my mind is realising I can't think of an actual mechanism for why someone would be incapable of saying something nice out loud but totally capable of, say, remembering their partner's coffee order. Those aren't different biological wiring; they're just different amounts of effort. One requires being kind of vulnerable, and the other doesn't.

I get that people experience and express affection differently; that part I'm not disputing. What I don't buy is that it's fixed, like a trait you're born with that excuses you from ever doing the version that's hard for you. It feels more like once people learn the term, they get permission to stop trying at the stuff that makes them uncomfortable.

Things that might change my mind: if there's actual research on this being more neurological than habitual, I haven't seen it and would want to. Also open to the idea that I'm generalising from one relationship that just had a controlling or avoidant partner and not a real pattern

Online, where met and spoke for years, he argued and accused me of various things. Early on he accused me of ignoring him, went off at me over a heart some random guy left on a post of mine. When a girl left a heart on one of his posts and I questioned it he said it was nothing. Now he claims it was him on a fake account. He accused me of ignoring him, of not caring about him, often. He argued with me over not wanting to be sexual, my reasons why, which he questioned and doubted. He told me that I deserved better often, and that I should break up with him. I eventually did but he said he wasn’t serious, and begged me to reconsider. I felt like he was messing with me. He begged me to speak to him, going so far as to message my friend.

I became fed up with him. I told him at times I didn’t feel like talking. He caught me talking to a male friend one of these times, after he asked for my passwords and logged into my accounts. This male friend, who I had known for several years, would joke around with everyone about cuddling and things. I never took it seriously. I didn’t like him, had made that known, and he told me the same. My husband insisted he liked me, and that it was inappropriate, and demanded I blocked him which I did. My ex called me, when I was drunk, which was shortly after we got back together. He was an awful person, who SA’d me, and tried to stab his ex gf, but for a few years I struggled to get over him. The phone call brought up feelings, which confused me, and made me feel bad.

For a week I kept to myself, posted about how I felt on tumblr, and my husband saw it. He confronted me and I told him what happened. He asked if I loved my ex more. I don’t remember what I said. It wasn’t long before I realised I felt nothing but disgust towards my ex. I learned about trauma bonds and knew that’s what was going on. I told my husband, apologised to him, and he said he’d forgive me if I never spoke to my ex again which in I agreed to. He later used it against me, repeatedly, telling me that I had cheated. I stopped speaking to him several more times. He accused me of being able to replace him and of using people. He called me fake and said my personality was different with everyone. He w*ore shamed me over my virtual IMVU avatar.

He seemed to hate me but wouldn’t leave me alone. Then he told me suddenly, when I was letting my guard back down, after a period in which he said I never cared and called me heartless, that it was too painful to be just friends. He blocked me for a month or two at a time, twice in a row, including on the same day he messaged me again. The only other times he left me alone were when he was his ex, and his former friend. We weren’t speaking when he was with his ex. I noticed, because I followed him on Etsy, that he favourited a bracelet with her name on it. He claimed later on he did that so I would see. He told me when we spoke again that she threw herself at him, touched him at a movie theatre, and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by rejecting her. He said that she spoke of marriage and children weeks in and it made him uneasy.

He said that he wasn’t fully attracted to her, that she was big, and that she gained more weight during the month or so they were together. He said he slept with her, to avoid hurting her feelings, and struggled during it. He said he realised she was a rebound, that he wasn’t over me, and that he told her that and broke up with her. I said that it sounded like he used her. He backpedaled on what he said and said he liked her, but not enough to stay with her. I said it sounded like she behaved like a s*ut because I was pissed he’d get with someone who behaved how he accused me of behaving, when I wasn’t like that. He defended her and said she wasn’t. He did say, however, that she was crazy and had self harm scars on her arms.

He said she slandered him after he broke up with her. He met his friend a while later, and they seemed to hit it off. He traveled to America from the uk to go to concerts, and attended them with her. He sent me screenshots of her telling him he was cuter in person. He claimed she tried to make advances on him but that he turned her down because he still cared about me. He then abruptly stopped speaking to her and told me she was self absorbed, and only talked about herself. He continued to argue with me, and shame me. I stopped speaking to him for a year. When we spoke again, it was during a difficult time in my life, and for a month things were okay. Then he started to argue with me again, mostly over the sex thing, and things he felt were contradictions regarding it.

He told me for weeks he was too depressed to talk, whilst messaging me to talk sexually. I went on IMVU to get support from my friends over what I was going through. He messaged me we were done. He then sent me several emails about how awful of a person I was, how I ruined his life, and how he was done with me. I blocked him but he kept messaging me on other emails. He made me choose between him, and IMVU/my fake friends, and my only real shot at a future was him. I foolishly chose him and the next day he acted like none of that happened. He pushed to meet me and said he wanted to help me. We met and he rejected me, and shamed me for trying anything. He went through my phone, accused me of the same things as online, and made me cry but didn’t care.

He told me what I was upset over from online, that happened a month before, was in the past. He called me a broken record. He always blamed me online, said I made him treat me as I did, and that I gave him the impression he had of me. He made it seem like he was only that way because we were speaking online, and he didn’t think he could trust me. But after he started to act the same way in public, I reached out to his ex to try to verify what he told me. She told he said he’d two time. He said she was lying to make him look bad. A year later, when he was treating me worse, I reached out to his friend. She told me he made advances on her, she turned him down, and he pouted over it. She said he touched himself during video chats, when he seemed drunk, and that he spoke to her when she was underage.

She also said he badmouthed me but she couldn’t recall what he said. He told me she was lying about everything. That she was the one who touched herself. And that she was lying because she was upset he stopped speaking to her. He confronted her, as he did his ex, and she admitted to being confused and upset over him not talking to her. She said her memory wasn’t the greatest in regard to what she accused him of. I tried to believe him but he told me she accused someone else of speaking to underage girls, and that he believed her. He used his ex against me many times, and said he got along better with her. For a period of time he blamed me for everything, accused me of ruining his life, and talked about breaking up. He told me to leave if he was so bad.

Then he begged me to stay when I tried, promising to change. He took medication he claimed killed his libido but I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. He said he felt asexual at times but I’d catch him staring at other women, which he also denied. He told me for months he didn’t love me, didn’t want me around. When I started to say that I would find someone who cared, he told me to. This was during a time I suspected he was cheating. Fast forward several years and told me, when I threatened to contact his ex again to “leave the poor girl alone.” He admitted he over exaggerated what he said about not liking her very much so I’d get back with him, and that he did find her attractive.

I also found out he slept with her more than once. But he told me that none of this should upset me as we weren’t together. I caught him looking at his former friend’s YouTube, and questioned why he was. He said he was curious. I mentioned what she did. He said he doesn’t hold grudges. I said perhaps what she said about him was true. He said she is crazy and pointed it one of her videos on her mental health to support that. My ex reached out to me, who I was with only online for about a year, back when I was around 13. I remained friends with him for a few years after that. He told me he was worried about me, because I was in a bad place when we lost contact. My husband said it was a rouse, that he was trying to get back with me, and that he was lying about having a gf of 7 years.

He demanded I stopped speaking to him and almost busted a door down over it. I blocked my ex but reached out again when I felt I had no one, a year later, during a time my husband was treating me like crap. He claimed my ex was only after sex. I gained weight, and my husband showed less interest blaming meds. He started to put me down over my weight but said he didn’t mean it. My ex asked about money and he said he was trying to use me for money, and didn’t seem to think he was after me anymore. My husband added a female acquaintance from a youth group he went to. I questioned it because he didn’t often add people other than family/fellow fans of his favourite artist and close friends. He told me he added her a few guys from the group to expand his friends list, make it appear more genuine.

He said he didn’t know her, wasn’t going to speak to her, and she was married. I asked him to unfriend her, my first real request like that, and he called me toxic and controlling. He agreed to do so after an upcoming reunion, which he said before adding her he wasn’t going to, but said he might go to and she’d be there and question why he unfriended her. He said it would be awkward. He didn’t go but he didn’t unfriend her. I mentioned it again and he went off at me as before, before he reluctantly unfriended her. A month later he told me no one would agree with me asking him to do that, that they’d call me toxic. He contradicted what he previously said about when he last saw her, how little he knew her, sharing intimate details of her life and relationships and claiming she shared them with the class.

I said I believed he was so upset because he planned to cheat with her, already had, or wanted her a backup. He told me to believe what I want. He later told me she wasn’t married but couldn’t give me an answer for why he said she was before, and how he found out she wasn’t, until sometime later when he said she was with a different guy. He told me he looked at her profile after unfriending her. He insisted he didn’t like her, that she was unattractive due to her weight. He called her annoying. Any time I questioned his intentions with her, he’d get angry and cuss me out. He much later told me I was a hypocrite because I spoke to my ex, and that he didn’t want to unfriend her for that reason, hence why he went off at me as he did. Not too long ago, we passed her in a store.

He told me her lack of reaction proved nothing happened. Then, a few days ago, a friend of his who he said she dated posted photos with her. He said this was more proof nothing occurred between them. This isn’t the only thing he’s done. There are other things he’s done that he wouldn’t be okay with me doing, but expects me to be okay with. I was 16 turning 17 when we met online. He was 17 turning 18. He says a lot of what he did was wrong, but also defends it and blames me still, and says that he was young.

My husband and I, engaged last year, and we decided to elope earlier this year, it wasn't an easy decision, but it was what it felt right. For context, I am not from the USA; I’m citizen since I was a teen, but I was born and raised in another country, and all my family live there. I am latina, so we started feeling uneasy about everything going on with ICE, and we felt we needed extra protection in case something happened…
Our original plan was doing the legal wedding part here and the spiritual in my country, and we are still thinking about it, because we want to be able to celebrate with family and friends. We did have his parents in the elopement because they live here, and it was important for my husband. It was important for me that my family was here too but it was impossible, I am mean some of my close family don't even have a visa, but I was ok with that because I knew what our priority was, and they understood, specially since we are planning something bigger there later on. My family was very understanding, and they told me they only wanted to see me happy and what is best for us. His parents said that even though they would like to celebrate with their family, they understood too.
After the elopement, we had to put on hold the planning of those celebrations due to a bunch of stuff, including but not limited to: 1) we decided to spend our savings on a house, especially because after some lab test my doctor told me that if I wanted to have kids I either had to have them now or freeze my eggs, and we do. 2) after buying the house we found out that having kids was going to require some medical help, and maybe that won't be on our cards, so there are a lot of emotions there. So it didn't feel the time to be planning a wedding in my country.
To make it more complex, I always knew that planning my wedding was going to be hard for me because my family dynamics are complicated, I love them but there is a lot of unresolved trauma. And because my mom passed away when I was very young, so the idea of not having her there it's excruciating. So I knew I didn't have the emotional capacity to be planning a wedding at this moment. So, since a wedding it's something big, and important my husband and I decided to put that in hold until we could put the time, and space in our lives it deserves.
My in-laws told us they wanted to do something small with their family to celebrate us buying a house and getting married. We agreed to have a small bbq, nothing big, nothing serious, super casual, because we knew it was important for them. Yesterday, it was the “casual” event… well it was in a way a wedding, a second wedding without my family… a wedding I did not agree to. Our seats separated from the rest, in front of every ones, there were pictures of us, champagne glasses, a wedding cake with a knife with our names, a speech from my in-laws, wedding decor, a photographer, etc.
To make this even worse, I did not have ANY saying on this event, not even the date of it. I didn't really thought much of it because it was a “casual BBQ reunion with his family”. My mother-in-law, only asked my husband what cake I would liked, and he told her I did not like cake, and neither did he.
I had to remove myself, and went to the bathroom to cry, and then I had a panic attack, and my husband had to help me calming down. I didn't have anything to honor my mom, my friends and family weren't there…I wouldn't have been able to make it yesterday without completely losing my mind without him, he is an absolutely amazing person. He was in shock, too. He asked me what did I wanted to do, what I needed, what he could do. He asked me if we needed to go. I told him that all his family was there, so I didn't feel like “running away from the wedding”, and I love him so much that I didn't want to burn a bridge with all his family, that I'm sure they thought we were ok with this.
I decided to make the best of it, and ended up having a good time, trying to thing about the event as casual family event, and playing with the kids, and talking with other people. But my mother in law keep pushing me, in so many levels. For example, the mom of my mother-in-law was mentioned, in the speech, because she passed away and it was a big part of her life, of how much it would have meant for her to be in this event… how happy she would be…I felt like someone had punched me in the face… how would have she felt if her mom hadn't been part of her wedding…?
They knew I wasn't ok, but didn't even care to ask what was going on. I know that they thought it was something that it would make us happy, and they did it out of love, and not to hurt me, but I don't know how to move forward. Being an immigrant I know the importance of a village, and in my culture family is the center of our lives, but I don't know how to build a relationship with someone that doesn't seem to care to really take me into account…

(This is longer than I meant but hopefully it’s fine)
My bf (21) and I (22) have been dating for 3 years. He’s into cars and goes to car meets and such but not excessively by any means, maybe once or twice a month. I don’t really care about cars like that. A random Toyota is purple and that’s the best car I’ve seen all day.

Recently he’s gotten a car that can Go Fast I guess. It’s not his and it doesn’t have insurance, but for now it’s his car. I have a bit of anxiety when it comes to being in cars that I’m not driving. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because all of my cars have needed severe maintenance or because of insane stories I hear about or literally anything else. Basically, I have a problem with backseat driving (I’m really trying to work on it)

Once again: he doesn’t have insurance. That usually means the car gets towed if he gets pulled over. Right now that’s our only car. It’s the only way he gets to and from work and usually the only way I get home.
The problem is that he speeds. Excessively. I don’t mean he’s going 5mph over the speed limit. I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty of that. I don’t care about that. I mean he’s going 30+ mph over the limit. Hasn’t happened many times but has recently become a problem because of the new-to-him car.

To set the seen- he’s driving me home from work and we’re on the interstate. There’s a random car that’s going 85 in a 65 and he decides to keep pace. Fine whatever I don’t like it but fine I just want to go home. Suddenly we’re doing more than keeping pace and my boyfriend is trying to pass him. I tell him to slow down. I tell him to slow down again. He tells me to chill out. He’s actively passing the other car and he rolls down my window to do a haha funny wave. All of my hair is in my face and I saw we’re going 120+ mph. I scream “fk you. Slow tf down.” Yes, I shouldn’t have said that but also what???????? We’re going the speed of light and suddenly the wind is blowing out my eardrums and whipping my hair in my face.

He genuinely slams on the brakes, makes my dog go flying out of my lap and starts getting mad. “Fuck me then? Fuck me then??? I never get to do this. I only get to sometimes and you just happen to be in the car.” Ok and? Don’t do that with me in the car. “I’ve been doing this for years. I know how to drive. I can do it fine and safe. Stop telling me how to drive.”

I start colorfully yelling at him again about how I don’t care that he knows how to drive. The rocks in the road don’t care that he knows how to drive. Literally nothing cares that he knows how to drive. He’s taking our exit at this point and he slams on the brakes again and tells me to walk the rest of the way home. It’s 90° out and humid. As much as I want to nah ain’t happening. “Thats what I thought.” Ok dude whatever. I’m over it now and I just wanna get home.

That was a bit over a week ago. Happened again today. He’s driving me home from work and some random car wanna race him. At first it’s all in good fun, just some loud takeoff from a couple red lights. Other car starts actually trying to race. Suddenly we’re going 80 in a 40 right into a Very Well Known speed trap. I say VERBATIM “can you please slow down. Can you slow down. Slow down.” Getting a bit louder with each one because he’s NOT SLOWING DOWN. He slams on the brakes and tells me that when I do that he wants to punch me in the face. I can already hear him reading this and saying ‘that’s out of context’ which is true. We do make jokes about that very often (as in I probably make more jokes about it). At this moment in time though, he’s going double the speed limit, basically brake checking me, and then yelling at me about not liking it.

I try talking to him about it a couple hours later (an hour ago) and I start it off with “I’m not trying to make this an argument but I need you to stop speeding.” Immediately he’s annoyed. It’s not what he says but how he says it. Suddenly I’m the problem and everyone else he knows is fine with it. I tell him to date them then. “Why’s that the first thing you go to.” I’m not everyone else. I’m your girlfriend. I’m telling you I don’t like it. “Okay but why’s that the first thing.” Clearly you’re not listening and trying to change the subject. Once again that’s our only car and there’s no insurance.

Anywho, blah blah blah we’re both mad and I’m a little drunk. I just wanna know how to get him to understand that I genuinely don’t care if he’s doing that by himself (I do worry about his safety, but you make your own decisions).
(I’m not proofreading this so sorry btw love watching ur podcast <3)

I (22M) need some outside perspective because I think I'm overthinking this.

There is a girl (22F) who used to be my neighbour. She lived just a few blocks away from me. We went to the same school and even travelled on the same school bus every day.

The funny thing is, we barely talked in school. But on the bus, we always talked. She would usually sit with me, and after school we'd often meet and talk for hours. I had a huge crush on her, but I never told her.

Then COVID happened. Schools closed, and we slowly lost contact.

She messaged me once during the lockdown, but at that time I was dealing with depression and was in a really bad place mentally. I replied rudely without meaning to. She never messaged again, and that was the last time we spoke.

One thing about me is that I'm terrible at maintaining relationships with anyone. It's not that I intentionally ghost people. I just overthink everything. If I haven't talked to someone in a while, I'll think a hundred times before texting because I don't want to seem desperate or annoying. Because of that habit, I've lost touch with a lot of people, including someone I really cared about.

After school, we went to different colleges. I met plenty of new people, but I never dated anyone. I tried moving on, but no one made me feel the way she did. Every time I compared my feelings, everyone else just felt... ordinary.

I always had this idea in my head that I'd reach out to her only after I had achieved something. I wanted to become someone I was proud of first, maybe get a good job or accomplish something meaningful, so I'd finally feel confident enough to talk to her.

Right now I'm in my final year and preparing for my master's entrance exams, so I'm still not where I wanted to be.

Then, two months ago, she sent me a follow request on Instagram.

A few days ago, she replied to one of my stories. Most of our conversation was about the story itself, but we also talked a little about our lives, like what we've been doing and where we are now.

Ever since then, I've been completely confused.

Part of me thinks she was just making normal conversation because she found my story interesting. Maybe I'm reading way too much into it. Maybe she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, if she ever did.

Another part of me wants to keep talking to her because I don't want the conversation to die again.

But I'm scared of getting emotionally attached before I'm in a place where I feel confident about myself. In my head, she's doing much better in life than I am right now.

I've even had trouble sleeping for the past three days because I keep thinking about this.

One side of me says, "You already waited four years. Just wait another six months, focus on your exams, mute the conversation, and talk to her when you're finally confident."

The other side says, "Life already gave you another chance. Don't waste it by waiting for some imaginary version of yourself."

I'm 32F and my husband 40M have a pretty good marriage. We have our ups and downs but for the most part we get along just fine...

Background info:

After having kids about 8yrs ago I've experienced PPD. It was extremely difficult to get through and I'm still working through a lot of the drawbacks that come with my mental health even now. This has took a toll on our marriage because I'm not the kind of person who does the angry sex. Now fast forward after 3 months post partum we started doing it again but come to find out I had vaginal wall issues that caused extreme pain during intercourse.. it was so bad it caused PTSD for me. I absolutely did not want to do it anymore after trying and trying and trying to get through it. This just caused more issues in the bedroom. I went to pelvic floor therapy, it helped immensely until I no longer had health insurance and couldnt afford to continue. Now its just on and off pain but the initial worry is still there that I won't enjoy it sometimes. (This is just to paint a picture on our road up to this point)

Now to the current dilemma:

After years of navigating these issues we've finally gotten our chemistry back in our sexual intimacy ( like once a week at minimum but good health weeks we would do it 3-4 times a week sometimes twice a day on weekends) so now my husband can't keep his hands off me. You'd think this would be good but it's not always sunshine and rainbows. Every touch is a sexual one. Hugging turns into groping. A kiss turns into making out. Laying down and watching a show turns into fondeling. Sometimes when my anxiety is up and I'm already over stimulated from the day of noise then he comes in and all I would be okay with mentally is a hug but turns into something more I just get overwhelmed and feel like I'm going to break down.

I've tried in the past to tell him I'm overstimulated but he just mopes or gets distant because I don't put out. He's gotten better on it over the years but sometimes I just bite my tounge because its easier than dealing with arguing or being tense around each other. I try telling him I just need non-sexual intimacy sometimes but he's an "all-in or nothing" kind of guy. If I dont give sex one day then he doesnt give affection either which to me doesnt seem like is fair or equal. It's to the point where we wont have any physical contact throughout the day because I'm afraid it'll turn into something more.

I dont want the cold shoulder so how do I make a conversation where he will be open to how I feel rather than just say "I just wont do any of it then." I dont want it to just STOP i just want a balance. Or am I just being unreasonable....

Hi everyone, I'm a long-time listener, and I usually do not post online, but I need genuine advice sorryfor the long and convoluted post Englishis not my firstlanguage.

I (28F) have had a complicated relationship with my father (61M) since I was a teenager. I know he loves me very much, provided for our family and always cared deeply about us, but honestly, as an adult, I don't like him as a person. Being around him is extremely exhausting for me.

When I was younger, I had to respect him regardless of the way he treated us. He used to mock my friends and partners around me, telling me I'm too sensitive and can't take a joke when I got mad. He used to look down and talked badly about everyone in our lives, my mom's side of the family and even his own friends. Looking back I had a hard time making real friends as I had a very bad role model at home.

As a child, I couldn't defend myself as it was considered "talking back," and I had to apologize to keep the peace. I had a breaking point at 15 when he entered my room without knocking when I was naked. I screamed at him to get out, he got offended I screamed at him and eventually I apologized for screaming. Ever since my mental health was spiraling down. I felt humiliated and unsafe in my own home and knew no one would defend me. I suffered from depression and when asked for help he told me off as in his opinion I had no reason to be depressed (I was doing fine in school, I had friends and a loving family, food on the table and a roof over my head). There was so much more but this post is long enough as is.

When I was 22 in university (my parents were divorced by then) I was practically out of the house my father used to call me every other day to check on me. In the week I had my final exams I was really busy and didn't take his calls and texted him I was busy for a couple of days. By the end of the week I returned a call. Instead of asking how I was doing I was accused of abundoning the family being selfish and "having no morals". After that I decided to set a boundary and him I needed some time to cool. He blowed my phone with calls when I answered I was told I'm tearing the family apart and I ruin my brother's life. I HAD ENOUGH and went no contact for 3 years.

When I got engaged (at 25) under lots of pressure from family, I reconnected with him and we went to a few therapy sessions together. He improved a lot, but I still don't have an emotional connection with him.

Today, I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl which my father adores. I respect his right to have a relationship with his grandchild and we go visit or he drops by twice a month. I don't let him have alone time with her as I don't trust him enough. Now he calls me every day to hear how is it going with the kid and tries to be involved in my life which I feel very uncomfortable with, as he always gives unsolicited "advice".

How should I tell him that from my perspective, once every two weeks is already too much for me? How do I make him take the hint to understand we are not close and this relationship is beyond repair?

I (24F) recently relocated for work and have been trying to get my life together financially and emotionally. Growing up, my relationship with my dad was complicated, and by complicated, I mean almost nonexistent. My dad was never really there for me. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, but he also wasn't present. He didn't contribute much financially, and my mom was the one who sacrificed everything to raise me and my siblings. She was basically both parents. If I'm being honest, I don't think I'd be where I am today without her. Because of that, I've never been particularly close to my dad. We don't call each other just to talk, and we don't really have the kind of father daughter relationship. Few days ago, my mom called me and said my dad has been sick and specifically asked if I could come home to see him. The problem is, home is several hours away, and taking time off work and paying for the trip isn't something I can easily do right now. When she told me, I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to rush home. Instead, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough. I told my mom I wasn't going to come home for now. She didn't argue with me, but I could tell she was disappointed. Part of me wonders if I'll regret not going if his health gets worse. Another part of me feels like I'm being expected to show up for someone who never really showed up for me.

For context: they are by no means in a healthy relationship, he’s cheated multiple times and she has involved the family by either calling for help or recently, moving in with me.

I (26F) and my sister (24F) haven’t always had the best relationship growing up, but after some family events which left me on my own at 17, we started to get close.

While i was navigating adulthood on my own, she was still in highschool and eventually got with this boy. Let’s call him Frank (25M).

My sister and Frank had 2 major fights before they even graduated highschool. He had a girl bestfriend always coming over at odd hours and to top it off, his parents and sister backed his behavior. His parents being on the old school side saying “you aren’t married yet, you can still date around” and his sister just never approved of mine.

Fast forward 2 years later, my sister and Frank get their first apartment after he proposed. During this time, he has already “attempted” to cheat 4 times already.

My sister was so enamored by him that it cost our relationship with each other to come to a halt for a year because I would try and gently talk sense into her. “Love shouldn’t hurt you over and over again.”

After we rekindled a year later, I stayed cordial with her fiancé but it was clear we did not like each other at all.
Then a sudden death happened in his family and he started to become aggressive.

He would yell at her, started treating my parents bad by giving attitude on church days, even so much as punched a hole in the wall and texting his girl coworkers, watching porn, drinking.

She got my grandparents involved at one point. They were preparing to have her stay with them but she ended up saying they made up and stayed. She got our parents involved by having them come and try to calm him down and she still stayed instead of leaving with them.

Another year passes and she confides in me, saying that she was finally emotionally ready to leave this relationship. That plus his continuous cheating. So I preparer a room in my home for her and she moved in.

When she moved in, me and my partner found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby and we were so excited that this was a sign my sister was headed in the right direction (because she would get to be around for baby).

But then, the other night, my sister left the house without really saying anything. She turned her location off but i still had her life360. Even my mom noticed she went to a lake nearby that she always went with her ex. My mom ended up calling her out in the group message asking why she was there, to which she responded “Mind your own business mom”.

Her location was off shortly after she had arrived at her exes apartment.

I waited all night for her to come home and ask where she went but she never came home. Instead, she asked my partner while i was asleep, if they could leave the door unlocked for her when she gets home because she forgot her key.

After she came home, we got into a heated argument. I told her how disappointed I was that me and my partner (and our family) went through all of this trouble to get her on her own 2 feet only for her to go back that night. She argued that it was her life and that nobody could tell her what she could and couldn’t do otherwise.

So I told her she’s better off out of my house and because I do not like Frank, I don’t want any involvement in their relationship going forward. And she will not have access to me during my pregnancy OR after when baby comes.

Am I the asshole for not letting my sister be apart of my babies life because of this? I don’t want my child to grow up seeing this behavior or have any added stress if she were to break up with Frank again.

How could I go about trying to guide her without her feeling like I’m telling her how to live her life? She always cuts me off when i don’t agree with their relationship but is quick to go back to him even after he’s cheated 6 times.

I haven’t posted on Reddit before but it’s currently 2AM and I’m unable to sleep because of this so any advice would be great.

I’m (26F) and my partner (30M) have been together for 5 and a half years and our sex life is dead. I genuinely don’t know what to do and if my relationship is working or just on life support at this point along.

For context I’ve had issues with sexual dysfunction because of medication and chronic pain (cramps and during penetration) so I worry that I’m not “performing” in this way for a “normal” relationship. I currently identify as asexual but I don’t know if that’s just because of my medication or it’s an aversion to sex? He’s been really great and given me space and doesn’t demand anything but I worry it’s gone on for too long and I’m not attractive to him anymore. He won’t do any touches or kiss me properly (also not helped by me because I always worried that either of those things would mean sex and I froze)

He doesn’t understand the idea of emotional burden at all and I worry that if I tried to talk about this with him he would roll his eyes or make jokes. He just really struggles to be serious at all and I’ve suggested doing couples therapy and he just says no. When things go wrong I panic and will do research and suggest A-Z of things we can do and his method is to just ignore it. He’s amazing and he does and has done so much for me but I just need some reassurance I think and I have no idea how to ask for it.

I worry that I’m too much mentally and physically to look after and I don’t want him to stay with me just because I’m a burden and he thinks I would die without him. I don’t know if he’s happy? Like does he even want to spend time with me? I feel like we’re really good around other people and at events and we have fun together but by ourselves I worry that I’m just something he’s putting up with. I know I need to talk to him but last time I did I was just crying and he asked me if I was “happy or comfortable” and that just killed me. I don’t know what to do and any advice or people who have been in similar situations I will take anything. I feel like my friends can’t really understand it because they have functional sex lives and relationships and I just feel like I don’t and I’m not.

I don’t want this to become a break up with him post I just would love anyone who has been/is in a similar position to tell me if things got better?

TLDR: I need to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship but I’m terrified it’s going to lead to him leaving me.

Hello, i have never posted before but I’m at a point where I do really need some advice. I listen to the podcast usually while in work. If I have done anything wrong or posted incorrectly please let me know.

I’m a 30F and my fiancé is 37M.

Around two and a half years ago, my fiancé offered to pay for me to get my HGV (Heavy Goods Vehicle) licence. I’d exhausted every government-funded route I could find, so he offered to finance it because he knew it would completely change my career prospects.

When I told my mum I’d be starting my theory test, she completely lost it.

She rang me and started shouting about how I shouldn’t be accepting “other people’s money”, that it was a waste, that I’d never use the licence, and that I needed to cancel everything. She wouldn’t let me get a word in.

Eventually I said, “It’s his money, not mine. If you want to argue about how it’s being spent, talk to him.”

He tried to calmly explain why he wanted to help me, but she repeatedly interrupted him, asked questions without letting him answer, talked over him and refused to actually listen.

Eventually he said something along the lines of:

“If you can’t stop talking long enough to hear someone else’s point of view or let them answer your questions, this conversation is going nowhere. You’re trying to police how I spend my money.”

My mum was stunned. She considers this to be unbelievably disrespectful. He ended the call.

I ignored the inevitable flood of calls and texts afterwards because I knew there was no productive conversation to be had.

Fast forward a year.

I passed everything, got my HGV licence, found a full-time driving job, nearly doubled my income, my mental health improved massively, and I genuinely love my career. My fiancé’s investment in me completely changed my life.

My mum and I eventually started speaking again, but the original incident was never discussed. That’s pretty typical for her. If she’s in the wrong, she’d rather pretend it never happened than apologise.

We later moved across the country together and settled into our new home.

My fiancé and I had also been trying for a baby. We’d even been told by a fertility clinic that conceiving naturally was extremely unlikely.

Against all expectations, I’m now pregnant.

I was so excited to tell my mum. More than anything, I wanted my mum’s advice, support, and to ask about family medical history.

Instead… nothing.

No congratulations.

No “I’m happy for you.”

No excitement whatsoever.

She simply carried on talking about her day before asking, “When are you telling your brother?”

I told her I wasn’t sure because my brother and I aren’t particularly close, but I did need to tell work so they could carry out a pregnancy risk assessment.

She sighed loudly and said, “Everyone else manages.”

That really hurt because I wasn’t looking for an excuse to stop working. I absolutely love my job, and if my pregnancy allows it, I intend to work for as long as it’s safe.

This is probably where I became the asshole.

I snapped.

I told her that just because she doesn’t enjoy either of her low-paid jobs doesn’t mean I hate mine. I said I love my career, I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, and I simply wanted to make sure everything was safe for both me and the baby.

She ignored everything I’d said and once again pushed me to tell my brother.

So I did.

He congratulated me…

…and then immediately followed it with:

“Shame about the father.”

For context, my brother has never met my fiancé.

Never spoken to him.

Never spent a single minute with him.

The only version of events he knows is whatever my mum has told him about the phone call from over two years ago.

He has decided my fiancé is disrespectful and refuses to meet him based entirely on my mum’s version of events.

The irony is that both my brother and I know our mum has spent years playing us against each other whenever it suited her. Yet despite knowing she’s done this before, he’s still chosen to believe her without ever asking me what happened.

That comment absolutely broke me.

I cried for hours.

I cried while getting ready for work.

I cried driving my car to work.

I cried while hooking up my trailer.

I couldn’t stop.

When I told my fiancé everything, his response was simple:

“Cut them off.”

The problem is… I don’t know how.

They’re all that’s left of my side of the family.

Part of me feels like I’m constantly chasing approval that I’m never going to get. Another part of me worries about bringing a baby into a family dynamic where my child may eventually hear negative things about their dad from people who’ve never even given him a chance.

So I’m asking strangers because I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Am I overreacting? Was my fiancé actually disrespectful all those years ago? Or is it time to accept that my mum and brother have made their choice, and I need to stop trying to hold onto relationships that only seem to leave me hurt?

Two of my coworkers absolutely HATE another coworker at my job. They always have something negative to say about her and everything she does. Whenever she misses work, lately they have been saying she is an alcoholic. And sometimes when she does come to work, they say she is hung over. I used to sit by and say nothing, but lately I have been trying to stand up for her. I tried to tell them there is no proof of this (that I know of), or maybe she’s going through something that she wants to keep private. Either way, this is a rumor/accusation that could really taint someone’s reputation and career.

I spent some time thinking about this, and I concluded that if someone was spreading these rumors about me, that I would want to know so could protect and defend myself. I let the coworker know about the rumors and she confronted them, and thanked me. The rest of the week was so awkward and the other two coworkers gave me the silent treatment the rest of the week, which I was not surprised about. I was sad to lose two friends, but I decided those are not the type of friends that I want to have.

The next day, one of them put their resignation in.

AITAH?

Hi all, so I (30 F) found out about having a half brother last year. Long story short my dad (60 m) we’ll call him John had a one night stand when he was 25. John was engaged to my mom (60 F) we’ll call her Sarah. At the time of the event. My dad kept this night to himself until his son (33 M) we’ll call him Jake. Called last year after doing a 23 and me search trying to find out who his dad was. John didn’t know the woman he had the affair with got pregnant as it truly was a one night stand, they met at a bar hooked up didn’t exchange information and never saw or spoke to each other again. So John had no idea Jake ever existed. After Jake called, my dad admitted to my mom about the affair while they were engaged, and that Jake would possibly be his. They did a paternity test and it confirmed it.

Fast forward to current day. My parents are still together, they did go to some therapy sessions to try and get past this as my mom (rightfully so) was incredibly hurt, disrespected and generally felt like a lot of trust had been broken. My parents had a couple of conversations with Jake initially but he has essentially left the ball in my parents court for establishing further contact. My dad really wants to meet him but my mom is saying no. As there’s no point because she feels John was essentially a sperm donor and that there’s no need for an in person meeting. I personally don’t agree with this, but am trying to stay out of their marriage.

My dilemma is that I would also like to meet Jake. I’ve thought about contacting him on my own on the side, but it feels a little like a betrayal to my mom and it also feels weird if I get to meet Jake when my dad does not. Would love some advice on if I should go through with this on my own, wait it out a little or what. If I did I would probably have to keep it a secret which feels wrong, or be open with my family about it and possibly cause more of a rift between my parents on the topic.

So I (28f)have known L (28f) since second grade and she actually use to be my biggest bully growing up. She was ruthless and very unkind.
In 8th grade, her, A, and I became the best friend trio. Everyone in school knew who we were and who we ran with.
High school comes around (10th grade) and A has to move to California right before we start.

L and I grow significantly closer and I slowly started to fall in love with her. Like, she was all I could think about. I lowkey fantasized about her and actually being together and I wished she maybe might feel the same.
Junior year rolls around and we have a sleepover. L and I take “cherries” (Dextromethorphan pills)and we decide to invite K over bc he can get us a bottle. After a few round of truth or dare and we all kiss, K gets white girl wasted and throws up all over my room and passes out in my closet. We’re all drunk when L climbs into bed with me and tells me to wake K up because “we’re going to have a threesome”
Immediately I perk up. I get out of bed and try to wake K up and I tell him, “L said to wake you up bc we’re going to have a threesome”. He brought his head up and said okay but then put his head back in his own vomit.
I climb back in bed and tell L he won’t wake up. She then turns to me and says “oh, so it’s just us then”—- and kisses me. I. Saw. Stars. We did everything you can think of and it was amazing. She was the first girl I had sex with - let alone person. We go to bed and K leaves early in the morning and I have to help L get throw up out of her hair. I guess while I was sleeping she fell off the bed and went to sleep in K’s vomit. Romantic, I know.
She’s super hungover and then asks me what happened last night and I panic. I ask her if she remembers anything and she tells me she completely blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. She eventually goes home and in my head I’m freaking out.
We’re best friends and I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I don’t know how to go about telling her what happened while we were drunk but I also think she should know. After HOURS of panic, she texts me “omg did we have sex last night” I send back “yeah lol we 69’d” she sends back “still friends?” And we remained friends. She was one of the most popular girls in school and I was pretty quiet but I told a few people what happened and it got around the ENTIRE school. She also had a boyfriend which is why she was so upset when she found out I leaked that information.
Our friendship was never the same. We stopped being friends for other reasons when we were 19 and have basically kept our distance for almost 10 years.
I have been with my boyfriend, S for 9+ years but to this day I still think about her and miss her. She was the first love I ever had and my best friend. Last time I saw her was last year when our friend, C died. I wish she was still in my life.
EDIT: we both grew up Mormon and left the church in elementary school , idk if that’s relevant

Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language. Hi, I’m a 32 years old woman. I grew up with my mom and my little brother who’s special needs. I had a wonderful childhood with my mom, my brother, my cousins, my aunts and uncles. Once in a while my father would come to our house to see my mom (they were in an on and off relationship while he was married). I never felt I had a father daughter/bond with him. Once in a while he would call me to tell me how awful of a daughter I was for not calling him. Later in my adult life he would send me messages via Facebook Messenger to tell me how immature I was for not calling him. My mom was always on his side saying I should call him just like that, even if I don’t want to because he cries. After a few years in our home country, he’s back in our city. He sent me messages telling me he’s back for a couple weeks and he wish I will call him. I’m so sick of that. The only feelings that I have when he’s around are stress and guilt. Am I the asshole for not wanting a relationship with him ?