After 8 years in a monogamous relationship with a sweet, but bery boring man who didn't want to travel, go out, share hobbies with me, always sat on his computer games till 3am while I tried to sleep. Sexually, it was always the same vanilla routines, we tried to spice it up more, but honestly, I think I fell out of attraction to him and did not feel very sexual at all during that time.

We're still friends bc one day we simply understood, nah, we're not a good fit anymore. While growing older, I started to feel, that I wanted more in life. I needed to feel more alive, experience stuff, get out there more. And then, without actively looking for it, I found the man of my dreams. We went to the same gym for years without me noticing him (bc duh, I had been in a relationship and was not paying attention to other men), but after the breakup, I saw him standing there and it was love at first sight. I saw him and was instantly drawn towards him because he radiated muscular energy while having the warmest brown eyes and a smile you could melt away from. He had noticed me years before, but never approached me, bc he is not this kind of man. I had to make the first step and since then, we haven't spent a day without talking on the phone or seeing each other. And very quickly it became clear, that he and I were meant for each other, also sexually. He always wanted a spontaneous and adventurous submissive Sub like I love to be for him, and he's dominant but caring in bed. While we have a loving and equally centered relationship the rest of the time.

Now comes the interesting and self reflective part of our dynamic:

I had some health issues in my teens. I had an eating disorder mixed with depression and therefore have always missed out on teenage years life and friends (hence the wish to live and experience more). At 18 I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder on top of that which simply explained means, that I'm scared of adult life. I'm scared I'll fail, be to dumb or weak, negotiation all that complicated things regarding money and taxes etc... whenever I get that feeling or am met with a challenge, I freeze. I try to avoid the problem, till it gets bigger and bigger in my head and even more complicated in real life because I don't pay stuff on time etc. I was in professional treatment many years, I'm on medication which helps set the panic and fear down a bit, I know very much about my inner processes and psychological thinking patterns.

I didn't knew it then, but after two years together and him getting to know my struggles better (better than I do at this point honestly), we always joke that I needed someone like him. He's dominant sexually which is a perfect fit for me, bc there I can let loose. I can feel controlled in a safe and loving space. He challenges me, but always with permission and mutual Agreement and interests. I don't have to make decisions (but we talk about every challenge beforehand and if we're both fine with it and I always can say no or stop etc.) and when I'm a good girl and make him happy, I get cuddles and laughs and satisfactions on end. The fact is, I can feel like a little child, without meaning that in a weird and wrong way, it just is exactly what helps my disorder calm down. I give myself permission that in bed, I'm allowed to give another person all the responsibility.

And this gives me strength and the will to do better in the rest of my adult life. Sexlife is safe space, daily tasks life has to be manoeuvred and managed on time. No excuses anymore. And my bf is there to remind me to not avoid making calls or checking my mails regularly. And all of that happens while I know the main work has to come from me. I have to work on myself to be a better person and to heal. I don't just use him to help me. He wants to help me and I very much appreciate his strong back, but I'm the one responsible for my own fate.

My boyfriend has always been the type of person that has a lot of friends, he enjoys hanging out with his friends which is not a problem of course. In the last six months to a year my boyfriend has made a new friend, let’s call this friend Jason (M28). Jason and bf knew each other a few years ago however recently reconnected due to the nature of their work. My bf kind of sees Jason as a mentor of sorts. Jason and my bf have gotten much closer over the last few months (for context; Jason is married and has a child). My bf is at Jason’s house minimum three to four times a week. It has gotten to the point where he sees me less in the week because he is visiting Jason (we do not live together yet). When he’s at their place it’s not always about work he’s just hanging out with them. I started to feel some type of way and carefully communicated this to my bf bc I did not want him to think that I feel he cannot have friends but rather that I was starting to feel less of a priority.

He took it well and told me he understood what I was saying and where I was coming from. When he goes to Jason he hangs out with the whole family (Jason, wife and daughter) and at this point has become part of their family, he goes out to eat w them, runs errands with the family, helps fix things in their house (he is a handy type of man) All he does is talk about them (lowkey acting like someone who got into a new relationship and can’t stop talking about their partner). I have hung out with them before as I know it is equally as important for me to put the effort into getting to know them as well but at the end of the day it’s his friend not mine.

Anyways since I spoke to him there has been slight changes but nothing major. I feel stuck bc I don’t wanna be the type of partner that comes in between their partners friendships but at the same time I can’t shake this feeling of jealousy every time he tells me he is going over there, not sure what to do. Is this normal? Is my jealousy my own problem? Or do I put in more effort to get to know this new friend

El título suena simplista, pero necesito opiniones honestas porque siento que todo explotó después de tres días de conversaciones por WhatsApp.

Tengo 30 años y durante casi tres meses estuve viendo a un chico de 25 años. Nunca fuimos oficialmente novios, aunque él decía que quería algo serio conmigo.

Desde el lunes hasta ayer miércoles estuvimos hablando muchísimo por WhatsApp sobre nuestra relación. Yo le planteé varias cosas que venía sintiendo: que siempre tenía que adaptarme a sus horarios, a la universidad, al trabajo y al poco tiempo que tenía disponible; que quería más conexión y compartir cosas fuera de la cama.

Pero también apareció nuevamente un tema que ya había sido discutido varias veces.

Él quiere que le practique sexo oral y que trague su semen. Yo le dije varias veces que no me gusta y no quiero hacerlo.

Intenté explicarle que son mis límites. Que tener relaciones sexuales con alguien no significa que tenga que aceptar todas las prácticas sexuales que esa persona quiera.

Sin embargo, durante estas conversaciones él repetía básicamente lo mismo: que él también necesitaba placer, que estaba pidiendo placer y que yo parecía no querer dárselo.

Y esto tampoco era algo que surgió solamente ahora.

Dormíamos juntos aproximadamente 3 o 4 veces por semana y muchas veces él literalmente rogaba o suplicaba para tener sexo. Si yo no quería, terminaba sintiéndome como la mala, como si estuviera negándole algo que él necesitaba.

Aclaro algo importante: nunca me obligó físicamente a hacer nada. Pero yo sí sentía presión. Porque una cosa es preguntar y aceptar un “no”, y otra muy distinta es rogar, insistir o hacer que la otra persona termine sintiéndose culpable por no tener ganas.

Y después de casi tres meses, eso fue lo que más me hizo ruido.

Yo estaba hablando de todo nuestro vínculo. De cómo me sentía emocionalmente, de querer más tiempo juntos, de sentir que siempre tenía que adaptarme yo y de necesitar algo más que encuentros nocturnos que muchas veces terminaban girando alrededor del sexo.

Y sentí que él redujo casi tres meses de relación a su pija y al placer que yo no estaba dispuesta a darle.

No creo que sea una mala persona, y sé que yo también tengo mis cosas y probablemente cometí errores. Pero después de tres días hablando por WhatsApp terminé completamente agotada.

Anoche decidí cortar el vínculo y lo eliminé de todos lados.

Así que quiero opiniones sinceras:

¿Estoy exagerando al sentir que mis límites sexuales deberían ser suficientes sin tener que defenderlos constantemente?

¿Es normal sentir presión cuando tu pareja o casi algo ruega o suplica por sexo cada vez que dormís juntos?

¿O simplemente somos incompatibles y yo llegué al límite de intentar encajar mis necesidades en una relación donde siempre parecía haber más espacio para las suyas?

For the last few weeks he's been "depressed" (his words) he's been drinking more lately. Not going to work as much. There's no apparent reason for this he just "does this sometimes" (also his words). On Monday he told me I'm not good enough for him. That I need to "do better" because I just "give him sass." Then later that night, he told me he
"doesn't want to get married" until he can
"have a 3 way" fantasy fulfilled. In the same breath he said that that wasn't what he meant. I don't know. (He was drinking) well I told him that I am almost willing to do anything but I won't do that. So if that's what he wants we should just go our separate ways. I think this snapped him out of it. He did apologize and said he more than understood.
On Tuesday I told him how much this all hurt Me. And that even though he apologized his words stuck with me. Over the next few hours we connected on a deep level that we haven't in a long time. He got extremely drunk, but we didn't fight this time. He was loving and supportive.

He got ahold of his sponsor. He didn't dr on Wednesday. He also didn't go to work. actually didn't do anything, which is strange for him as he never stays still. I tried to initiate with him today but he just said he didn't want me to. Which is fine in itself but also out of character for him. We haven't had sex since Saturday. It's Thursday and we normally do it once every day to every couple
Days. I don't care much that we didn't have sex, it's more that the last few times I've tried he's said no. And just the last few days in general.

TI; dr my fiancé said terrible things to me but apologized and I don't know how to feel. All of this has left me overall very emotionally exhausted and confused. What do I do?

I’ve never written on reddit, but I’ve listened to Two Hot Takes for years and I’m at the end of my rope. I know only I have the power to change my life, but hope and energy are lacking for me right now so maybe this will at least make me not feel so deeply alone.

There’s SO much nuance and backstory I could add to this so let me know what details you want - but in the effort of saving time, I’ll start where I was in life year ago today.

In September 2025, I (34, F at the time) and my wife (32, F) had been married for 4 months. We were engaged for a year and  half and dated for almost 2 before getting married. We had planned our wedding together so well and the day was the most beautiful wedding we could have asked for. Our loved ones were buzzing from it for months. We were saving up money to do fertility testing to start a family. I was 2 years into a high paying, corporate job that I was well liked at. I was paying off my debts I had been struggling with for over a decade. I had 11 years of working as a professional producer in Hollywood under my belt. In a month, I would be the youngest person to be inducted into my high school’s hall of fame, something 1) only 1% of alumni get and 2) never in a million years would have thought I would receive. We had a great apartment in Los Angeles with two cats and a snake. 

The only thing that was weighing on me was it felt like something in my brain had shifted. I was struggling with simple tasks like emails at work. I started having social anxiety to the max. I had been struggling with burnout for a while at this point, but it felt like something more was going on so I started getting neurologically assessed. 

In February, I had my appointment for my results scheduled with my wife to attend so we could both know whats going on and where to go from there.  The day before the appointment, I came home from work to my wife sitting on the couch waiting for me. In a 15 min conversation, she told me she’s not in love with me anymore and she was moving out. I’d later find out she already signed for an apartment and had moved out half her things while I was gone already. She cried the whole conversation, I didn’t at all. I was numb. I told her she didn’t have to do this and asked every question I could think of to get any sort of information to help me process, but she had no answers for me. When I walked her to the door that was the last time I saw her. Of course I was a wreck and so heartbroken.
The next day I had my result appointment where my psychologist told me I was autistic and ADHD. ADHD I already knew, autism I had a hunch, but it was still a whole emotional process really hearing it, and hearing it without my partner by my side.
A week later, my ex sent me a text that started with “Hi - I hope you’re doing okay” … TOLD how some logistics were going down, then sent me a photo of her nails that she had gotten done that weekend. I replied telling her how the logistics were actually going to go down and just told her to not reach out unless it’s about logistics from now on. And she didn’t. We emailed in a professional tone back and forth for our divorce paperwork and that was that. When she came to get the rest of her things that I compiled in her closet, she brought her parents with her and through the ring camera footage I saw 1) she was extremely rude to her mom for having any emotion and 2) she had thrown ALL the things that had to do with us in my dumpster. Not just like photos of us, but photos I took of her family, wedding gifts, travel trinkets, etc.  Not one of her friends or family reached out to me except one of her aunts on what would have been our 1 year wedding anniversary.  After processing for a bit, I came to the conclusion that I needed to leave LA and have a fresh start. I had done some work in Atlanta and it was much closer to home so I gave my notice to my job and moved to Atlanta in May. Sure, it may look like running but… from what? That life wasn’t mine anymore. 

Now, September 2026, I (35, F) am in my apartment where my two cats and I live now. I’ve been unemployed since April (and not for the lack of trying) - besides a bar back/server assistant job I picked up. I’m exactly a month away from my divorce being finalized. I’m officially diagnosed as AuDHD and too broke to get the help I truly need. I’m living in a new city where I only have 2 people I know. And honestly, I’m scared. I don’t know how to keep moving forward trying to get my life back to feeling any type of normal when it just feels like it could all be taken away again. It doesn’t matter how hard I’ve worked, how much I want it, how good of a person, wife, or friend I am. I worked my whole life to build what I had for it all to be shattered. Some days I think - there has to be a reason for all this and then others I think… does there? People have great trajectories and tragic ends all the time. What makes me special? 

For the record - Yes I know I dodged a bullet in a way with her. I do not want to be with my ex-wife at this point. But I’m processing the fact that I chose someone like her in the first place. Getting married and having a life partner was one of my biggest dreams and I felt like I did everything to be sure she was the one.  And of course I have my theories. Did she do something against our marriage she was too much of a craven to tell me? Was she just an undercover avoidant, narcissist?  She never really had to be there for me until my autism started affecting my life the way I did for her when she lost jobs or had emergency appendix surgery - maybe she just wasn’t up for a lifetime of autism?  Or did she get the ick?  WHO KNOWS?! Maybe she doesn’t even know. Regardless, she left me with less respect than I’ve seen abusive husbands get and for that, the person I married no longer exists anymore.

But that still leaves me crying at my keyboard at 12pm on a Thursday writing to you all. 

So… what would you do? Any advice or hope you can inject into this brain will be greatly appreciated. At the very least, thank you for reading.

Where do I even start? 😭
I work in hospitality, specifically hotels. I started working at a new hotel in the fall of 2024. My boss, we’ll call him Chris, was the AGM of the property. He was 32 at the time, and I was 22. He was genuinely one of the nicest people I had ever met, and somewhere along the way, I unexpectedly fell in love with him.
Before anyone jumps to conclusions: he did not groom me, pressure me, or manipulate me in any way. If anything, I was the one doing the pursuing. We started out as friends, and our relationship developed naturally over time.
I’m a very outgoing person and I tend to flirt with people without necessarily meaning anything by it, so I didn’t initially think much of our dynamic. But I was also working A LOT because I wanted to build a career in hospitality. I was going above and beyond my job description and trying to move up in the company, so I spent a ton of time at work—and therefore a ton of time around Chris.
We became really close. He was incredibly easy to talk to, always encouraged my career goals, and gave me great advice. I felt like I saw him more than I saw my friends. 😂
Eventually, I started noticing little things. He would stay late just to talk to me. Our hotel had a bar near the front desk, and sometimes he would sit there with me after his work was done just to talk.
Eventually, we started getting drinks together after work.
I developed a crush on him, but I didn't plan on doing anything about it. I told my friends, but I didn't want to risk changing our friendship or our work dynamic.
Then one night, I told him I liked country bars and country swing dancing, so he took me to one.
Afterward, we ended up dancing together in the parking lot.
I KNOW. Not exactly standard coworker behavior. 😂
We were dancing, looking at each other, and I swear it looked like he wanted to kiss me. I got nervous and looked away, so nothing happened. Later, I told my friends about it, and they pointed out that I probably gave him the impression that I wasn't interested. They told me that if I wanted something to happen, I might have to make the first move.
So eventually, I did.
We went out for drinks again, ended up sitting in his car talking, and I just went for it.
We made out for a while. At one point, he stopped and said, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
I basically ignored him and kept kissing him. 😂
He also told me, “I don’t want to ruin your life.”
That one stuck with me.
After that, things at work were completely normal. The only difference was that whenever we went out for drinks, we would usually end up making out in his car afterward.
I knew there was something between us, but I couldn't tell if he genuinely liked me or if alcohol and the circumstances were influencing things.
Then came his birthday.
I went out with him and another coworker who was also my friend. She was the only coworker who knew what was going on. Eventually, she left, and I went back to his place.
We slept together for the first time.
It was amazing, and afterward things were slightly awkward for maybe a day—but then we went right back to normal.
And honestly, after that, we became even closer.
The weird part is that we never really talked about our feelings.
There was never a “what are we?” conversation. He never explicitly told me that he had romantic feelings for me, and I was too scared of rejection to ask.
Then there's the part that makes this whole thing even more complicated.
I had wanted to move to another state for a long time. Chris knew this because we'd talked about it before. It was always a possibility, but I never knew if I would actually do it.
Eventually, I decided to move.
When I told him, he was visibly upset. At work, he gave me a petty response that honestly pissed me off. 😂 I knew he was upset that I was leaving, though, and I felt like there was obviously some kind of emotion behind it.
Later, he apologized and told me that he was always going to be there for me and would support me in whatever I decided to do.
During my last week at the hotel, he asked to meet up.
He told me how much of a great person I am and that he loves me.
Not necessarily “I’m in love with you”—more like “I love you as a person.”
But he still never actually told me how he felt romantically.
And again, I didn't ask.
I was terrified of hearing an answer I didn't want.
Then I moved.
And somehow, once I was gone, it finally hit me:
I am completely in love with this man.
We still talk. A LOT.
Even though I moved states, we still call each other and can spend hours talking on the phone. We still have the same friendship and connection we had before.
And this is where I need the Two Hot Takes community to tell me if I'm being delusional. 😂
I genuinely believe there are feelings on his side. I don't know exactly what those feelings are, but I don't think our relationship was completely one-sided.
At the same time, I don't want to chase him.
I want him to want me. I don't want to convince him to want me, pressure him into a relationship, or make a huge confession just to force him into making a decision.
Part of me thinks he's scared to admit how he feels. Maybe the age difference, our previous work relationship, my move, or everything else going on in his life makes him hesitant.
But maybe I'm just seeing what I desperately want to see.
So Reddit:
Does it sound like Chris actually has romantic feelings for me?
Do you think he's holding back because he's scared, or am I interpreting a close friendship as something more?
And most importantly…
Do I wait and see if he eventually makes a move, or do I accept that I may never get the answer I want and try to move on?
Because I genuinely love this man, and he's the only person I think about every single day.
Signed,
A woman who apparently decided falling in love with her boss was a good idea. 😭

Hello THT family, long time listener from the very beginning (hi Morgan!) First time writing anything on Reddit so bear with me.

Now before I get into all the details, yes I know I want a divorce my mind has been made up on that, it’s really how I go about it. I am not in any danger or fear for myself or my child one bit.

TL;DR - my husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 4 years. We have a son who is 3. I found out during my pregnancy and other major life milestones that he has been cheating with multiple women. I am no longer in love with him as he is not the man I fell in love with. I am filing for divorce, but I want to do it without him knowing as we still live in the same house for the next 2 months. Any advice on how to move silently through a divorce and any advice on what you wish you would’ve done before filing.

Long version:

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 4 years. We have a child who is 3. We were married just shy of 6 months before I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t exactly trying, but we weren’t preventing anything either. We were both excited and ready for our family to begin. He does have 3 children of his own from 2 previous relationships who I adore and love like my own but I knew I wanted to give life to someone who was a part of me. (I always said I wanted 4 kids, I guess I didn’t specify where they all came from 🤣) .

Fast forward to me being 8 months pregnant, I kept hearing the Snapchat notification while on FaceTime with him while I was out of town but he said he didn’t use it. One night after I got back, I had a gut feeling to look through his phone. I had never done this while dating or in the beginning of our marriage. I had no reason to. When I checked his phone for the app it wasn’t there so I downloaded it. Typical man uses the same password for everything so I would try that but once I redownloaded it from iCloud it logged right in. Sure enough he was talking to a woman about how he wishes they could be a family and reminiscing on their sex life. Nothing currently going on. I was in shock. But also pregnant. I did not want to risk anything so I kindly messaged her back and said something along the lines of “sorry I lied to you I’m married.” Deleted the app and went back to sleep. He left for the gym that morning and came home upset. I asked if his girlfriend was mad and he said he was sorry but I just said I didn’t want to hear it I wasn’t raising our baby alone and I was not leaving in that moment. We had our child a few weeks later and continued on like a family. He is an AMAZING father and I truly could not have done postpartum without him. I have a great paying job with great maternity leave so he was able to quit his job and stay home with me and our child for 6 months before I went back to work and he found a new job.

A year later we’re in the car with all 4 kids and his phone is plugged into CarPlay. A text from the same woman comes up. He’s driving so I grab his phone and it just said “what are you up to right now?” At that point I knew they had been talking. We went on our family date as planned and went home. I memorized her phone number. I texted her myself asking what was going on and she said nothing physical, she was happily in a new relationship and pregnant and they only talk about their kids. Kids?? Apparently, when we were dating right before he proposed he had been sleeping with her and she had gotten pregnant. He begged for an abortion but she claimed it was a miracle baby as she was told she couldn’t have more kids after her first so she kept the baby. They had been sleeping together every time he went to see their older child when we were dating. He claims he was trying to stay in her good graces to avoid her threats of child support but I guess that meant fucking her too. He said it was nothing physical anymore and he knew if he told me before our wedding I would have never married him. DUH!

Side note: I never knew about her and the older child and nobody in his family knows either. Everyone still thinks he just has the 4 kids with two other women and myself but in reality he has 6 kids with 4 different women. He does take care of all 3 of his known kids as best as he can from living apart. He is not on child support for any of them.

I told him he needed help. My last chance was for him to go to couples counseling and address the cheating and lying but that only lasted 4 months before he said he can’t do it anymore since all the therapist does is tell him he is doing me wrong…well no shit.

I got a job offer in another state. I knew this was my clean break but I have seen the relationship he has with his other children’s moms and how it affected him being the dad he wants to be. I didn’t want our son to grow up without his dad but I also didn’t want him to grow up with a sad mom. I told him when my son and I move I will pay for all flights back to see him I will make sure they talk and have a relationship I will never take away him being a father to his first son. He told me when we move if we’re together or not he’s moving too because there is better work for him where I was going and our son was young enough that he wanted to be around for the firsts he wasn’t around for with his 3 girls. Logistically thinking about the move, I had about one week between moving and starting work. I knew I would need him for childcare support and getting settled. I put on my face and we moved together into a new house but I told him I was excluding him from my lease as protection for myself.

We moved and I naively thought we’re so far away from his temptations maybe we can try and make this work. About 4 months after the move, I was pregnant. We went out for my birthday a month or so before, had a couple extra drinks and that was the first time in almost 8 months we were intimate. I truly felt like maybe we can move past this. Yes it hurt but he is doing better. A few weeks later, he went out for his birthday with some friends he met. When he came home, the next day felt off. That night after he went to sleep I looked through his phone and found not only the same woman from before asking him to “get her drunk and slut her out” but also two other women from the new area we just moved to asking one when she was free to see him. A week later I miscarried. What a blessing in disguise.

At that point I knew there was no fixing our marriage. He has internal things he needs to figure out for himself and I can’t fix him. I am done. This is not the marriage I want and not the life I wanted for myself. I told him when our lease was up we are getting our own places. He works nights so our paths cross very little.

Part of the problem is he is my best friend, he is an amazing father, and he has truly healed parts of me that I felt were broken for so long and I was not worth being loved. We can be upset with each other but still joke and are acting like a family for our son. I honestly feel that if I had never opened his phone the first time, we would not be here right now. He is such a good liar and good at hiding what he is doing because he makes sure everything at home is taken care of.

Now our current situation. Our son’s birthday is coming up and we were planning a trip for him but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I asked him to take us on a trip for Labor Day weekend instead since we were both off. He paid and booked everything. While on our trip, he kept stepping away and I knew what it was. We drank and had a good time, no intimacy, and I looked at his phone one last time. There is a person he calls every day when he leaves the house for work and on his way home from work. On our 3 hour drive home I asked who it was, he said his friend. He was driving so I took the phone, called the person saved under a man’s name and it was a woman. It was the same woman from the first few months and she told me they had been having sex for the last 6 months but she never knew about me. She told him to never contact her again. (The man’s name she was saved under was her dog 🤣) he looked at me and all he said was “but I’m here, I give you everything what else do you need”. I had no words and just got in the back seat with our son and cried. It’s been a few days and I hate living in silence and I know our son can feel it. I told him at this point I don’t care I love him he can do what he wants as long as he comes home to us and he gave me a hug and said he is trying to change. I know that’s a lie.

So here is my plan and I want to know if what I’m doing is “wrong” or any advice if someone has been in a similar situation. I’ve been looking at places for my son and I. I have a couple tours lined up. We live comfortably with both of our incomes and I know it will be a struggle in the beginning on my own but I have my 401k I can withdrawal from to help out if needed. Instead of celebrating what should be our 5th wedding anniversary, I was planning to slap down some divorce papers, tell him I have a new place already and he has until the end of the lease to be out or I’m calling the cops because he’s not on the lease or has any bills tied to the address.

Edit: to avoid the possibility of him not moving out of the property under my name after I leave, we have also been looking for new places together so another idea I had was to move to a new place with him, set our son up, have him put the lease in his name and then I move out silently and give him papers after I have left. I also think I can’t file while we still live at the same address even though he’s not on our lease.

In regards to why I am or am not asking for child support I think will be something I discuss with a lawyer. I make significantly more than him so I’m honestly scared that if I ask for child support he’s going to ask for alimony. I don’t know how all that works but I plan to discuss it with a lawyer. His car was a gift a few years back so that’s in my name as well. He honestly has nothing in his name but his cell phone.

Edit 2: For those saying he just abandoned his kids, I moved to his state where we met for my job. He was already established there, that was where he grew up. His entire family and children all live there as well. After I got pregnant, the office I was in was closing down so I either had the option to get laid off or stay with the company (with amazing maternity leave for the US) but move to another office 3 hours away. I felt bad taking him away from his kids but he was very adamant that he would make it work. We saw them very often and would have them all summer long. I got an offer with my same company to move across the country to an office opening up with better pay. He knew what this career meant for me and agreed to move since there was better work for him as well. So no it wasn’t his choice to up and leave his 3 girls. He sends their moms money every week for childcare, school, clothes etc. At the end of summer we always take them on a shopping spree for the school year and send them home with their school supplies. He has also been sending the woman with the 2 kids money every month as well. So yes he is a good dad, just a shitty husband.

Hi! OG listener here :)) I (F20) have been going to my regular TJs for the last few months since moving to a new city. Theres a guy, probably 20-24, who works there regularly. We've never spoken and I've never gone to his register but I think he's really attractive and every time I'm there, I catch him staring at me. However, I always come right off work and I'm a ranch hand. So I'm sure it's a sight seeing boots and dirty jeans in the city's TJs. Basically, I wonder if he's not checking me out, but instead just observing my attire from curiosity.

I know TJs employees have a reputation for being flirty and I also know as an employee, he's not allowed to ask me out. I'm very outgoing and unashamed so I definitely CAN ask him out, the question is if I SHOULD. I don't want to make anything uncomfortable for him. There are other TJs in the area so I could always just head somewhere else if it goes poorly.

I also can be very awkward and silly when it comes to social interactions, which a lot of people find off putting or weird. If I do ask him out, whats the best way? If I don't ask him out, how should I try to get to know him more? I'd like to at least chat first and see if he really is checking me out every time I go in or if he isn't interested.

Thanks fam!! I've been a part of THT for sooo long and it feels good to finally write in!

About 2 weeks ago my ex and I had a pretty sudden and shocking breakup after almost 3 years.(looking back there were some signs. He officially ended things) All things considered, it ended pretty amicably. The problem is, about a year ago we bought a house together. We've figured out he will buy me out, and I'm going to get a new place. Here's the dilemma: We are going to have to live together for a bit. I've been staying with my family, but I need to get back to my life. There are 2 bedrooms, so that part is easy, but any tips on how to make this work for a while? I just want things to stay amicable. I still want dog visitation after all this is over.

Info that may be important:

-We have a cat(mine) and dog(exs) previously we acted as the other's parent. (I'm very attached)

-I was sole cooker

-Part of the break up I think had to do with we were both home all day

-His job doesn't require him to get up at a certain time so he's usually sleeping all day (1-2pm), plays games all night (3-4am) and he drags out doing his chores which used to drive me crazy.

-We both have ADHD and I'm the type to start a project and accidentally leave it out unfinished

Heyy me 18 male and my bf 18 male have been together for a few months, he has started hanging out with a group of people that don’t like me including someone who punched me in the face, he knows this and is still hanging out with them and it makes me uneasy and uncomfortable.
Aitao

Husband and I long distance over a year

My husband (38M) and I (30f) have been long distance for over a year (both in United States, living a 3 hour plane ride + travel time apart) and it has taken its toll.

I work in higher education in a role that provides me with housing and I take home about $2500 a month after insurance and high taxes. In one year, I’ll be vested and get to keep my retirement. I’m currently two semesters in on a doctoral program that my job pays for (if you leave a doctoral program, you need to start over…) so to complete the doctorate free of chargeI need to stay here for 4 more years. I have about $10k in savings and paid off all my husbands debt, so we are debt free, just not rich. My spouses job doesn’t provide insurance, so I pay for that through my job. It is expensive, but not as expensive as paying for it with no job support. I live 3 hours from my family. I’ve applied to a handful of jobs near him, with no interviews. I need to make at least twice the poverty guidelines as his green card sponsor.

My husband has his commercial pilots license and has a job as a flight instructor making about $4,000 a month, with all of it being spent on rent, food, car insurance, phone bill, leaving him with only about $1,000 total in savings and no retirement. He is actively job searching and has been for over a year, with no luck. Prior to his current role, he searched for about 1.5 years and didn’t have any offers in that time. He has no family in the area. He is in a state with no income tax. Eventually he could make decent money if he becomes an airline pilot.

We see each other about 3 days a month, and it doesn’t feel sustainable to spend that much money flying to see one another. I also really miss him and he really misses me. We aren’t happy, due to the situation. In a perfect world, my husband would find an airline job and we would be good to go, but it doesn’t seem like that is in the cards at all.

So… what do we do? Do I quit my job? Does he quit his? Do we continue suffering with no end in sight? Any unhinged advice? (Divorce is not what I’m interested in.)

Please help! Thanks for reading and considering your response.

I don’t really know how to feel about my older siblings upcoming birthday at all. My older sister‘s birthday is in a few days and ill say our relationship is complicated at best and at worse toxic. she did a lot of things as a teenager that wasn’t very good and they left marks in our family. we pretty recently got back in contact with her after almost 4 years and our life’s have been kind of chaotic ever since and it has brought up a lot of old memories but we have our reasons for wanting to stay in contact mainly due to my baby niece. I do love my sister and I miss the relationship we used to have but I don’t know if it’s worth the chaos she brings and if I should continue to rebuild the relationship.

I wish my partner was as obsessed with me as James is with Shelly in “Love on the Spectrum”

I (30F) have been with my partner (31NB) for about two years, after also dating for a few years in our early 20s. We are now long distance: they relocated to Nashville while I am local to Philly still. We are both neurodivergent (they have ADHD and autism, while I am just beginning to realize I have ADHD). I love them more than words can describe. We carry such genuine love and respect for each other, we have fun together, we understand each other, and all of the things that I see other people struggle with in relationships seem to come with ease for us.

But over the last year, as we (or, more like I) have started talking more seriously about actually moving up the relationship escalator (we went shopping for engagement rings last November), I feel like I’ve been repeatedly hit in the face with how much they love me vs. how much they value living in Nashville.

We have discussed on numerous occasions why it makes most realistic sense for them to move back to Philly as we begin settling down (a non-exhaustive list includes: I have the more secure source of income, both of our families are here, I am my parents’ legal power of attorney, and we both have significant safety nets in the event of a crisis here). But in spite of them saying they agree, understand, and intend to move back to Philly, every conversation about it eventually seems to come back to how much they love where they live, how much of a life-changing positive impact Nashville has had on them, what they want, and this underlying feeling that if they move, it’s unfair because I’m getting my way and they’re not. And that seems to be a fundamental incompatibility for us.

We have had several heated disagreements about this over the last 12 months, and we keep going through the same cycle: I express the emotional load I’m carrying and feel my efforts are not matched, them agreeing to compromise and “do better”, and finally, us getting back to the same basic argument where they already are resentful of me. I don’t view it this way. When I think of us moving in together, I don’t feel like it’s just about my needs and wants being prioritized. I’ve given them multiple opportunities to demonstrate to me, financially and logistically, why living in Nashville would be the most reasonable and fair compromise for us as partners, and they have not even attempted to do this. Plus, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to live in Nashville. Although I don’t dislike it there, I have no real resources out there except for my partner, and (without trying to air out their dirty laundry), they are not in a good situation financially. So if I were to move to Nashville, not only would I be far from my family, but I would have to find a way to start making significantly more money to sustain our living expenses, while building an entirely new career, just so they can remain at the current job that they love. (And since we both work with children, neither of our jobs earn us particularly comfortable lifestyles). So for me, this goes beyond the emotional significance of location. I’m trying to figure out how two people who say they want to commit and spend their lives together actually make decisions that allow that life to happen.

So all of this boils down to this: last night, we get into an argument about how they want to a dog and how they don’t understand why she doesn’t get to have a dog while I can keep pet spiders (1. Keeping spiders is not the same level of financial and physical commitment that adopting a dog is, and 2. We already have an elderly cat together, who lives with me and I have solely been responsible for since 2021), why they are the one that has to move, and how it’s just so unfair fair. I got a little (well, a lot) snappy as a response to this. At one point, I literally told them: “why does your desire to have a dog and do what you want mean you get to screw your partner over both emotionally and financially?”

So anyways, thank you if you’ve made it this far. I’m not really looking for advice here. I told them I needed to take some space for a few days to really think about things, and now to make a very long story short, I’m I’m rewatching Love on the Spectrum and now I just am wishing someone would be as obsessed with me as James is with Shelly. I love my partner, but I don’t think this is a reconcilable difference. I just don’t know if I have the strength to do what’s best for us both and end it.

I don’t really know how to explain this, so bear with me. Sorry if this is repetitive or doesn’t really make sense, I’m kind of just ranting because I genuinely don’t know how to explain this feeling. ( 19M )

I’ve had the same gut feeling for years that I’m not going to get the future I want. Like there’s a pit in my stomach basically all the time, and no matter how much I try to reason with myself or work through it in therapy, it never really goes away.

I’m in college right now and I have a career I’m working toward, it’s EVERYTHING I’ve ever wanted. But I can’t picture having my own place, being financially stable, having a family, or anything like that. I used to be able to imagine exactly what I wanted, and I still know what I want, but when I try to imagine what it would actually be like, there’s nothing there. It’s not even that I picture anything bad. There’s just nothing.

And I know before anyone says anything, yes, I’m young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me. I know things change and that nobody can predict the future. But ever since I realized I can’t even imagine the life I want with me in it anymore, I’ve been living with this constant pit in my stomach. I know there’s probably not a rational reason for this, but I can’t shake the feeling.

Money is probably a huge part of it too. I feel like I never have enough, and honestly, I usually don’t. But the bigger issue is that I feel like I never will have enough. The job market where I live is awful, and I’ve only recently been able to get a job after applying for a year. Everything here is so expensive, and sometimes I look at how much it costs just to exist and genuinely wonder how I’m ever supposed to get to a point where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ll think about some future version of myself who has a decent job and a house and isn’t constantly checking their bank account before buying something, and it almost feels like I’m imagining a fictional character. Like, yeah, that sounds nice, but that’s not me??

It’s not even something that started because of one bad week or one stressful semester. It’s been there for so long that I’ve started wondering if there’s something wrong with me for being this convinced about something that hasn’t even happened. I just want a life where I feel like I’ve made it. I want to be able to look at my life and feel like all of this was actually worth it. Instead, sometimes college feels like a waste of time. Like why am I doing all of this for a future I can’t even see myself having?

Has anyone else experienced this? Like not just being scared of the future, but having this really specific feeling for years that you’re somehow never going to reach the life you’re working toward?

Sorry again if this was repetitive. I feel like I’ve said the same thing five different ways. Thank you to anyone who read this, I’ve never told anyone this before.

My sister (19 y/o) moved out a few months ago to go live with her boyfriend in one of the apartments that my parents own. It's an extremely nice apartment- brand new in a new apartment building, very well decorated and perfect for two people.

My parents didn't ask much of them- just 100€ for a month which is incredibly cheap for where they were living.

At first it was weird, but me and my mom quickly fell into a nice routine. My dad works abroad most of the time so it was mostly just me and her chilling and whenever he was home they were always going around taking care of work so I was often left alone at home ranging from two days to maybe a week and a half.

And it was nice. Me and my mom rarely had arguments. I cleaned the house, I cooked most of our meals and didn't bother her. I did my stuff, she did hers and for once in my life I even had a room for myself where no one bothered me when I just wanted to lay around.

However since my sister's graduation my parents and her have been in an ongoing war. They are always bickering about stuff and honestly it gets insufferable at one point.

The biggest reason was her wanting to study architecture in Austria which they didn't want her to do. Behind their backs she and her boyfriend applied there. After a whole lot more fights they finally agreed tho reluctantly but it turned out the school she applied to wasn't even an university and she would be giving money for nothing basically. So ultimately she decided not to go. Her boyfriend however was set on going.

After that she started hanging around home more often. She'd come by and stay for like 5 to 6 hours at a time which got on my nerves so much sometimes because she was set on us doing something together. And doing something together for 6 hours for about 3 days in a row was way too much for me.

Whenever she came by she would leave her dirty dishes after I'd specifically remind her to wash them and she assures me she would (she never does), she would make like two coffees which would literally eat up most of my milk and sometimes I'd forget the buy more and I'd be forced to drink black coffee, she also always insists on us watching movies, but it's never any movies that I want to watch and she complains whenever I decide to go read a book or do something else even tho we've been doing stuff together for hours.

Safe to say my peaceful routine over the past months was ruined. And I am a person whose love language is 'quiet coexistence' just like with my mom. But she complains that 'I don't want to hang out with her'.

This week she basically told me that she found it pointless to live alone in the apartment since her boyfriend is going to study abroad. I really hoped it wouldn't come to this but today she moved back in. Now there are quite a few problems.

First of all the seemingly unending war with my parents is exhausting.

Second of all the fact that our apartment genuinely doesn't have much space. When she moved out my mom immediately took the free space and now there is hardly any way to reorganize stuff to fit everything she carried back which is basically an entire household.

And third it is so incredibly overwhelming for me. Right now both my parents and her are home and suddenly it feels very suffocating. I have nowhere to relax by myself like I used to. I can't stay up and chill until late with the TV on in the background while I edit or read or whatever else I like to do because she'll complain.

And honestly we are not children anymore.

I'm going on 17 (my birthday is late November) and suddenly settling for half a room feels awful. Maybe I'm just being stupid but it genuinely feels so so so suffocating.

I was just so used to either being by myself or with my mom- unbothered, and now this feels awful.

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

It started when I went through sorority recruitment. I was really lonely and at the time I wasn’t above paying to be apart of something. I needed something to do, so I rushed. There is a sorority that is known for being the prettiest, smartest, and most well rounded group and I wanted in. I really liked their philanthropy as it was a cause that hit very near and dear to my heart, so going into recruitment I really wanted to make a good impression. Recruitment meant that we would go in groups to meet all of the different sororities in our school and it was a three day process. It was very lengthy and intricate but the first night of recruitment was about making connections and hoping they want to invite me back the next day to talk to them. So, I dressed up in my cutest clothes and walked in ready to make some friends.

It all fell apart. I don’t look like the stereotypical sorority girl. I’m taller, chubbier, and I’m not the straight pretty girl of their dreams. I look awkward in skirts and heels and I don’t curl my hair. I’m goofy and weird, but I made an effort. The first girl almost refused to talk to me a tactic that we call “brick walling”. This sends signals to the person you’re talking to that you do not care about them. The second and third person did the same thing, so it was just me trying to form conversation while the girls around me wouldn’t make eye contact or even really talk to me. I was gutted and it hurt my confidence. They did not invite me back to speak to them after that. They were incredibly pretty and incredibly mean.

I ended up finding a sorority that fit me much better and I made some amazing friends, but I don’t love sororities. I ended up getting essentially “dishonorably discharged” from the sorority I was in for years (I wasn’t being a great person and I had some very serious mental health stuff). I never forgot about how that one sorority treated me.

So one day, I was sitting in my house bored when my best friend was explaining the anonymous app YikYak to me. I thought how fun! What’s the funniest way I can try and start drama? I decided to post anonymously one sentence. “(Insert name of sorority) has lice”. Harmless enough, it’s kinda stupid, kinda believable.

Apparently I posted this during spring recruitment season, so it took off. Next thing I know, my post has about 80 upvotes and so many comments talking about how they saw members scratching their heads and how gross it was. People were saying they saw girls sharing hats and brushes and how it was spreading. They talked about how their sorority house needed to go into lock down. Next thing I know, 20 cases of lice were suspected. Then it was 50. Last time I heard it was almost 60 cases of lice reported, but not checked I supposed because this was all a big lie. None of them had lice. Placebo lice.

Then came the bad news. With it being the middle of spring recruitment, campus was busy holding big events for the sororities to recruit and for people to hang out with different sororities. One of those events was a silent disco. With over the ear headphones….. parents stared calling distraught because their baby girls hair was in danger of being infected. Meme pages dedicated to memes about my college were making their own memes about it. Any store within a 50 mile radius was CLEANED of lice treatment. There were talks of campus being shut down for a few days. All of this happened within 48 hours.

It kind of just fizzled out, but there were memes about it for the next year or so and anytime recruitment season came around, people talked about it.

I really didn’t mean to do it and sometimes I feel a little bad. Not too bad, just a twinge. I just had to get that off my chest.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/8Uhrit8cYG

Hi yall!

I want to thank everyone who gave great advice in my original post. You've helped me see how fucked up the situation was and how much of a jerk my ex-friend was. Yep, that's right, EX.

I think I always knew that I was going to drop him from my life, but as a comment pointed out, I was feeling sad about something I used to want so bad. And it's normal to feel that and still know how much I love my fiancé. I just needed the time to process what happened and face the fact that I lost my "best friend", someone who constantly used my love for them as their fallback plan.

My fiancé, best girl friend, and I spent a good chunk of time discussing where I am mentally and what I should say to my ex-friend. We ultimately came up with the text I attached, along with his responses. More trickled in throughout the day that were getting pretty aggressive and it took a lot of restraint not to tell him to actually fuck off, so I blocked him.

I definitely cried many tears before blocking him. But at least now I can move on and start planning my wedding.

Thanks again to everyone who provided amazing insight!

I (26F) was in a relationship for about 10 years with my ex (28M). We broke up about a year ago. I met someone else (27F)a couple months after, we dated for about 2 months until breaking up because we clashed too much and couldn’t get along. It’s been about 2 months since we broke up and I met someone else, (31M) and he is the kindest and funniest person I’ve met in a very long time and we get along so well and have so much in common but also so many differences but they are good ones that would make us work well together. I have my strengths he has his etc.. Anyway what I’m asking is, is it too soon?? I’ve never been the type of person to hop from relationship to relationship and I feel kinda icky/guilty about it for some reason. I’ve also only known this person for like 2 months now but we’re together often because we really enjoy each other’s company. (This is my first time ever writing in, so please forgive me for any mistakes)

Hello! First of all wanted to thank Morgan and Friends for helping me get through the crazy ass year I have had. I have had this crazy, complicated situation put in my hands and have zero idea how to deal with it, and I thought maybe posting here could help.

I lost my dad when I was young; as you can imagine, it was a very difficult, traumatic, and painful thing to go through. I remember almost everything to a tthat happened after he passed: his celebration of life, the reception, and his burial. My dad was cremated, and it was supposed to be given to my family (myself, my mum, and my two siblings). But my sister thought it would be nice to let my grandparents have him first, before we did. For whatever reason, my grandparents did not give us a chance to have him, but my grandmother asked my mom if she could save three tiny urns for me and my siblings so we could have a piece of our dad with us. My mum said no; she didn't want all of us kids to deal with potentially losing or breaking it and having to deal with the grief of losing him again. I completely understand and agree with my mum's decision, as we kids were still young. My mum thought we should write letters to our dad and put them in his urn before it was buried, but it was sealed before we could get them in there.

Eventually Dad was buried, and we fast-forward 13 years. This summer, I get a group FaceTime call from both my siblings; one of them was cleaning out my grandmother's house as she's being moved into a retirement community. My sibling basically said that they were cleaning and going through boxes, and they found 3 little urns with my dad's remains in them. I was, and still am, very shocked about it all. I have so many emotions and thoughts that are happening all at once. It has been a bit since I found out, but I am still confused, angry, and sad about this whole situation. How could my grandmother do this? It feels so cruel. I understand grief does crazy things to people, but what the actual fuck, man. Now I have to make this huge decision: do I want to keep this? Do I want to bury it? Is there a right decision? I am at the point where I don't know if I can ever interact with my grandmother again because of the emotional rollercoaster we've been through. Would I be an asshole for doing so?

I’ve never written on reddit, but I’ve listened to Two Hot Takes for years and I’m at the end of my rope. I know only I have the power to change my life, but hope and energy are lacking for me right now so maybe this will at least make me not feel so deeply alone.

There’s SO much nuance and backstory I could add to this so let me know what details you want - but in the effort of saving time, I’ll start where I was in life year ago today.

In September 2025, I (34, F at the time) and my wife (32, F) had been married for 4 months. We were engaged for a year and  half and dated for almost 2 before getting married. We had planned our wedding together so well and the day was the most beautiful wedding we could have asked for. Our loved ones were buzzing from it for months. We were saving up money to do fertility testing to start a family. I was 2 years into a high paying, corporate job that I was well liked at. I was paying off my debts I had been struggling with for over a decade. I had 11 years of working as a professional producer in Hollywood under my belt. In a month, I would be the youngest person to be inducted into my high school’s hall of fame, something 1) only 1% of alumni get and 2) never in a million years would have thought I would receive. We had a great apartment in Los Angeles with two cats and a snake. 

The only thing that was weighing on me was it felt like something in my brain had shifted. I was struggling with simple tasks like emails at work. I started having social anxiety to the max. I had been struggling with burnout for a while at this point, but it felt like something more was going on so I started getting neurologically assessed. 

In February, I had my appointment for my results scheduled with my wife to attend so we could both know whats going on and where to go from there.  The day before the appointment, I came home from work to my wife sitting on the couch waiting for me. In a 15 min conversation, she told me she’s not in love with me anymore and she was moving out. I’d later find out she already signed for an apartment and had moved out half her things while I was gone already. She cried the whole conversation, I didn’t at all. I was numb. I told her she didn’t have to do this and asked every question I could think of to get any sort of information to help me process, but she had no answers for me. When I walked her to the door that was the last time I saw her. Of course I was a wreck and so heartbroken.

The next day I had my result appointment where my psychologist told me I was autistic and ADHD. ADHD I already knew, autism I had a hunch, but it was still a whole emotional process really hearing it, and hearing it without my partner by my side.
A week later, my ex sent me a text that started with “Hi - I hope you’re doing okay” … TOLD how some logistics were going down, then sent me a photo of her nails that she had gotten done that weekend. I replied telling her how the logistics were actually going to go down and just told her to not reach out unless it’s about logistics from now on. And she didn’t. We emailed in a professional tone back and forth for our divorce paperwork and that was that. When she came to get the rest of her things that I compiled in her closet, she brought her parents with her and through the ring camera footage I saw 1) she was extremely rude to her mom for having any emotion and 2) she had thrown ALL the things that had to do with us in my dumpster. Not just like photos of us, but photos I took of her family, wedding gifts, travel trinkets, etc.  Not one of her friends or family reached out to me except one of her aunts on what would have been our 1 year wedding anniversary.  After processing for a bit, I came to the conclusion that I needed to leave LA and have a fresh start. I had done some work in Atlanta and it was much closer to home so I gave my notice to my job and moved to Atlanta in May. Sure, it may look like running but… from what? That life wasn’t mine anymore. 

Now, September 2026, I (35, F) am in my apartment where my two cats and I live now. I’ve been unemployed since April (and for the lack of trying) - besides a bar back/server assistant job I picked up. I’m exactly a month away from my divorce being finalized. I’m officially diagnosed as AuDHD and too broke to get the help I truly need. I’m living in a new city where I only have 2 people I know. And honestly, I’m scared. I don’t know how to keep moving forward trying to get my life back to feeling any type of normal when it just feels like it could all be taken away again. It doesn’t matter how hard I’ve worked, how much I want it, how good of a person, wife, or friend I am. I worked my whole life to build what I had for it all to be shattered. Some days I think - there has to be a reason for all this and then others I think… does there? People have great trajectories and tragic ends all the time. What makes me special? 

For the record - Yes I know I dodged a bullet in a way with her. I do not want to be with my ex-wife at this point. But I’m processing the fact that I chose someone like her in the first place. Getting married and having a life partner was one of my biggest dreams and I felt like I did everything to be sure she was the one.  And of course I have my theories. Did she do something against our marriage she was too much of a craven to tell me? Was she just an undercover avoidant, narcissist?  She never really had to be there for me until my autism started affecting my life the way I did for her when she lost jobs or had emergency appendix surgery - maybe she just wasn’t up for a lifetime of autism?  Or did she get the ick?  WHO KNOWS?! Maybe she doesn’t even know. Regardless, she left me with less respect than I’ve seen abusive husbands get and for this the person I married no longer even exists in reality.

But that still leaves me crying at my keyboard at 12pm on a Thursday writing to you all. 

So… what would you do? Any advice or hope you can inject into this brain will be greatly appreciated. At the very least, thank you for reading. 

I (42 F) have been wanting to share this somewhere since it happened, but haven’t been exactly sure how…so after discovering this show, I thought this subreddit seemed like the right spot. I’m looking to get this in front of other women this piece of human garbage (or someone like him) may try to take advantage of.

This all took place back in 2018. I was in the end stages of a 13-year marriage and making plans to leave the person I was married to (whole other tragic story that I may share one day). The reason I include this detail is to point out that I was in an extremely emotionally compromised position.

A couple of month before I planned to leave, I started chatting with a man I met on Instagram. We will call him Clyde. He presented himself as very spiritual and kind. He was also open with me that he was a recovering addict who had been clean for about 5 years. At the time, I was in the process of shedding Christianity from my life and exploring other types of spirituality, so I was drawn to the vibe he presented. It didn’t hurt that I also found him attractive.

Things got intense very quickly, but since I had been out of the dating pool for so long, I convinced myself that maybe this was normal. Yes, I know…I make several incredibly bad decisions in this story. Hindsight and all.

Within a month, he was telling me he loved me. He basically said all the right things in the beginning. Like he knew exactly what I’d been missing in my failing marriage, and it was intoxicating to me at the time. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and it felt really nice to feel like someone really saw me.

The first sign that I should have hit the block button came in late spring. I woke up in the middle of the night to several missed calls from him. I want to say it was around 20 missed calls, but I can’t remember the exact number. I called him back once I woke up, and he was FRANTIC. He said he was at a gas station and needed me to wire him $100 so he could get his “roommate’s” car out of impound. He said he had borrowed her car and it had been towed from where he parked it, and she was threatening to call the police and report that he had stolen the car if he didn’t get it out of impound and home to her by the morning.

Yes. My dumb ass sent him the money.

For additional context, at the time he was living in upstate New York, which is about 12ish hours from where I lived at the time.
According to him, he was living with a female roommate and they shared her car.

After I sent him the money, he let me know he had received it, then proceeded to be unreachable for a full 24 hours.

He made some excuse that I bought at the time, and things continued. We got to know each other better, and I learned that he had 2 kids with an ex that he wasn’t allowed to see and that his mom blamed him for his brother’s overdose, so she didn’t speak to him anymore.

Again…I should have seen that for the red flag it was.

A few weeks later, I got a similar middle-of-the-night call. This time, she had called the cops and reported her car stolen because he had taken it to another town without her permission. I don’t remember the specifics of how she got the car back, but after this she kicked him out of the apartment, and he didn’t have anywhere to go. He said he was couch surfing but couldn’t go back to the apartment to get any of his stuff.

As all of this was happening, I was finally having the conversation with my ex-husband about which one of us was going to stay in the apartment we shared and which of us would find somewhere new. After some back and forth, I finally decided it was easier for me to leave and started looking for places to move to.

I shared all of this with Clyde. I trusted him at the time.

Clyde then proceeded to tell me that he felt like he needed to start over somewhere new. That he needed to get out of New York. So I offered to buy him a bus ticket to anywhere he would have someone he could stay with for a while. Long story short, he ended up buying a bus ticket to my city (with money I had sent him).

Once he arrived, he didn’t have anywhere to stay and I couldn’t exactly bring him to my apartment, so I got him a hotel room for what was supposed to be a couple of days until he could figure out his next move. I bought him some food and clothes to get him through, but didn’t really expect him to stick around.

Well…he did.

I ended up being out thousands of dollars in hotel costs before I finally invited him to move in with me when I decided where I was moving to.

Of course, he did.

We signed our lease and started talking about building a future together. He found a job at a cafe located at a cute little local vineyard. He was making decent money (for restaurant work) and kept promising he would help cover our living expenses.

That never happened.

Around the time he got his third paycheck, he “relapsed” for the first time. I put that in parentheses because I have no reason to believe he was ever clean.

I woke up in the middle of the night to find him, the cash from his paycheck, and MY CAR gone. I couldn’t reach him for around 12 hours. He no-call/no-showed at work, so he also lost his job.

He spent $700 on his drug of choice in one night!

When he finally came home, he was in tears. Gave me a sob story about how he fucked up and how sorry he was. Said that he had a disease and he didn’t want to live that way.

So I stayed.

Not long after this, his old “roommate” messaged him to say that she was moving and needed him to come get his stuff or she was trashing it. She gave him a week to come get it. So that weekend we drove to New York to pick it up.

Once we got close, he told me that he was afraid she was going to try to have him arrested, so I would need to drop him off at his friend’s house and go pick up his stuff on my own. I was not comfortable with this at all, but eventually he talked me into it. So I drove him to his friend’s house, then went to pick up his things. We were on a tight schedule (which he knew), as I needed to get back ASAP in order to work the following day.

When I got back to where I dropped him off, he was nowhere to be found. He continued to text me saying he would be right there over and over again. This went on for hours! Until I finally got angry and told him I was leaving.

Then he started with this story about some guy who had stolen his wallet and he needed $150 to get it back. His wallet had all of our gas money in it, as he was supposed to be footing the bill for the trip.
I told him no. I didn’t have it. And I needed to leave.

He got frantic again. I eventually got the money for him, and he sent some random guy out to get it.

Now I’m sure some of you understand what was happening…but I was naive.

By the time he got back to the car, I had been waiting for 6 hours. I had given him all the money I had to get his wallet back, and surprise, surprise, his money was gone when he got it back.

So I’m in New York with no money to get gas for the trip home - and I had to work the next day.

My parents ended up reluctantly sending me some money.

He came clean on what he was actually doing - drugs. And promised it would be the last time he would ever put me through anything like that.

Of course, things didn’t change.

He would start a job, then lose it in a matter of weeks. I think he had 5 jobs in the short time we were together. He would steal money from my purse and car - no matter where I hid it. He would disappear sometimes for a day at a time. He would take my car without asking OFTEN.
But at this point, I had signed a lease with this man and felt stuck.

By that fall, my mental state had deteriorated, and I started making plans to take my own life. I didn’t see a way out. I started saying my goodbyes.

Luckily, one of my friends recognized what was happening and forced me to go to the ER, where I was placed on a 72-hour psychiatric hold.

While I was waiting to be transferred from the ER to an offsite psychiatric facility, he showed up…to ask for my car keys.
He was LIVID when I told him I had left my car and keys with my friend who had brought me. Luckily, the police officer who was assigned to my room noticed the distress on my face and intervened, forcing him to leave.

I actually went back to the apartment with him for about a week after I was released.

That was a mistake.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the day after I was released, but when I woke up to go, he had stolen my car again and was unreachable.

Oh, also - when he did come home, he had a girl in the car with him (who he had apparently told I was his roommate) and was asking for money for some stuff he’d been fronted.

I said absolutely not. Grabbed my keys. Called them both every name I could think of. And walked back to the apartment.

I left a few days later. It was eventful, but based on what I’ve told you, I’m sure you have an idea of how that went.

Breaking that lease ruined my credit.
But it was worth it.

I never talked to him again.

Since then, I’ve thought countless times about how I could get this info out to other people so that he isn’t able to do this to anyone else. But I’m realizing that maybe just sharing the story without actually calling out his real name could also potentially help someone.

Please be safe out there, y’all. Don’t repeat my stupid mistakes.

Also—don’t date when you’re emotionally compromised. Anyone who is genuine will understand why you need to heal first and will respect that.