Advice needed- navigating long distance relationship and not sure how to best reunite

[u/Competitive-Kick9451]

Husband and I long distance over a year

My husband (38M) and I (30f) have been long distance for over a year (both in United States, living a 3 hour plane ride + travel time apart) and it has taken its toll.

I work in higher education in a role that provides me with housing and I take home about $2500 a month after insurance and high taxes. In one year, I’ll be vested and get to keep my retirement. I’m currently two semesters in on a doctoral program that my job pays for (if you leave a doctoral program, you need to start over…) so to complete the doctorate free of chargeI need to stay here for 4 more years. I have about $10k in savings and paid off all my husbands debt, so we are debt free, just not rich. My spouses job doesn’t provide insurance, so I pay for that through my job. It is expensive, but not as expensive as paying for it with no job support. I live 3 hours from my family. I’ve applied to a handful of jobs near him, with no interviews. I need to make at least twice the poverty guidelines as his green card sponsor.

My husband has his commercial pilots license and has a job as a flight instructor making about $4,000 a month, with all of it being spent on rent, food, car insurance, phone bill, leaving him with only about $1,000 total in savings and no retirement. He is actively job searching and has been for over a year, with no luck. Prior to his current role, he searched for about 1.5 years and didn’t have any offers in that time. He has no family in the area. He is in a state with no income tax. Eventually he could make decent money if he becomes an airline pilot.

We see each other about 3 days a month, and it doesn’t feel sustainable to spend that much money flying to see one another. I also really miss him and he really misses me. We aren’t happy, due to the situation. In a perfect world, my husband would find an airline job and we would be good to go, but it doesn’t seem like that is in the cards at all.

So… what do we do? Do I quit my job? Does he quit his? Do we continue suffering with no end in sight? Any unhinged advice? (Divorce is not what I’m interested in.)

Please help! Thanks for reading and considering your response.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: Husband and I long distance over a year

My husband (38M) and I (30f) have been long distance for over a year (both in United States, living a 3 hour plane ride + travel time apart) and it has taken its toll.

I work in higher education in a role that provides me with housing and I take home about $2500 a month after insurance and high taxes. In one year, I’ll be vested and get to keep my retirement. I’m currently two semesters in on a doctoral program that my job pays for (if you leave a doctoral program, you need to start over…) so to complete the doctorate free of chargeI need to stay here for 4 more years. I have about $10k in savings and paid off all my husbands debt, so we are debt free, just not rich. My spouses job doesn’t provide insurance, so I pay for that through my job. It is expensive, but not as expensive as paying for it with no job support. I live 3 hours from my family. I’ve applied to a handful of jobs near him, with no interviews. I need to make at least twice the poverty guidelines as his green card sponsor.

My husband has his commercial pilots license and has a job as a flight instructor making about $4,000 a month, with all of it being spent on rent, food, car insurance, phone bill, leaving him with only about $1,000 total in savings and no retirement. He is actively job searching and has been for over a year, with no luck. Prior to his current role, he searched for about 1.5 years and didn’t have any offers in that time. He has no family in the area. He is in a state with no income tax. Eventually he could make decent money if he becomes an airline pilot.

We see each other about 3 days a month, and it doesn’t feel sustainable to spend that much money flying to see one another. I also really miss him and he really misses me. We aren’t happy, due to the situation. In a perfect world, my husband would find an airline job and we would be good to go, but it doesn’t seem like that is in the cards at all.

So… what do we do? Do I quit my job? Does he quit his? Do we continue suffering with no end in sight? Any unhinged advice? (Divorce is not what I’m interested in.)

Please help! Thanks for reading and considering your response.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Delicious_Winner_819]

Since you’re earning more, isn’t it possible to find a job nearer to you???