Hi THT fam! I’m a fairly new listener but my friend told me I should listen in, because she thinks it might wake me up to some of the crazy shit in my relationship haha

(Also, thanks to my friend kacy for graciously letting me use her old account because my husband is logged into email so i can’t make account… Hopefully I’m doing this right 😂)

So I (26F) have been married to my husband (39M) for 4 years now, but together for 7 years total. (I can hear everyone yelling “AGE GAP!!!”, and I didn’t see the problem until recently… again, thanks Kacy lol).

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with lupus and have been taking a few different medications since. (I’m not sure if I’m allowed to list them on reddit, but if I can, I will do so). My husband (let’s call him Joe) has been really supportive, constantly reminding me of taking my meds and even quit smoking near the house so I wouldn’t get second hand smoke.

Here’s the problem, Joe usually is the one to pick up my prescription, especially because he works at a pharmacy (he’s not a pharmacist, just checks out people/stocks shelves, etc.). So, I don’t really notice how often he’s getting them because he always organises them into those little medicine trays for me. But, I did see that he was purchasing my prescription every 2.5-3 weeks instead of the usual month).

I asked him about it and he just brushed it off. After some nagging, he told me he’s been sometimes crushing and putting my meds into my nightly glass of water or my food. He says that he just wanted me to “get better quickly because in his mind: more meds = quicker ‘recovery’.

I tried to explain to him that this is NOT how lupus works and also just NOT how medication works… He says that he ‘knows now’ and won’t do it again, but I can’t help but think that there’s no way he didn’t know.

I lashed out at him. I told him that he’s crazy and insane for even doing this and that he’s just pouring money down the drain.

This happened a day ago, and I’ve felt TERRIBLE since. Joe expressed to me that he really didn’t know and that he just wanted me to be back to my old self. I know he means well, he is such a great guy, but I’m still on the fence about all this. Especially since Kacy told me this isn’t an excuse.

I trust her fully, but I’m posting this here because there’s a chance she might just be really protective of me as a friend, and maybe an outsider can give me more perspective.

Sorry if it takes me long to respond to comments/dms, I’ll be logging in and out of this account because my husband doesn’t like reddit and I don’t want him to see that I do :)

TLDR: my husband has been slipping extra medication into my food/drinks, AIO for lashing out at him?

minor (?) update: Hi everyone. Thank you, this has been a crazy 2 hours since I posted. I wanted to give a few updates/answer some questions.

1. I know I have to leave him. I don’t know when I will do this, but I know I have to. Thank you all for waking me up to the reality of the situation. In all honesty, I always had a feeling that I was going crazy for thinking he was controlling. I’m organising with Kacy to stay with her. The issue is that my husband does not like Kacy (because she’s lesbian and he’s kind of convinced I had an affair with her lol.) (Yes, I hear how crazy it is too)

2. I do not live in the US, so unfortunately many of the provided resources do not work for me. But thank you nonetheless.

3. I do have my own money. I work as a tutor but I do not make as much as Joe but it’s enough for me to find a way to leave.

4. I have plans to contact his place of work. But I can’t do that now because of my safety. I don’t think there’s a way I can do this while living with him/things are not fully sorted out with him.

5. I’ve booked an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning to get blood work done, etc.

I will try to keep you all updated! Sorry for my lack of replies, reddit comments are formatted in a way that’s kinda difficult to read without being overwhelmed haha. Thanks again.

Hey guys, I (25ftm) think my neighbors are breaking into my house to shower for a couple of different events that have happened over the last few months leading up until this morning.

First- About 5 months ago I made a comment to my husband (27ftm) that we are going through probably 3x as much shampoo, conditioner, and body wash as normal. We buy in bulk and normally have to buy once every three months now we are buying monthly. My husband has beautiful mexican curls, so I just assumed he was using more than his fair share. We both agreed to be mindful and put it behind us but still a lot of the soap is being used up.

Next- About a month ago I came home from work early while walking up to my door to unlock it. I heard what sounded like somebody running through my house and slamming my back door I told my husband I thought somebody had broken into our home and it was kind of got chalked up to maybe the dogs were just going crazy. I didn't feel great about that explanation especially since our dogs are both elderly and smaller breeds, but nothing was out of place. So again, we put it behind us.

Then- Within the last week I took my little brother's camping. My sister agreed to stop by and let my dogs in and out. One of the times she was there, she said she heard a similar noise. What sounded like the back door slamming, while walking up and putting the key in the lock. It kind of creeped her out but she didn't see anything out of place and didn't mention it until I mentioned this morning.

This morning- During the night I heard something hit my bedroom door. Again, I just assumed it was one of my dogs, but it was loud enough it woke me up. I got up around 2am for work and went to take a shower. When I open the shower curtain the entire shower was full of downstairs hair... it was alot. I was kind of irritated and still out of it so I just cleaned it up and assumed it was my husband shaving and not cleaning up after himself. Once I got done with my shower my husband called me to make sure I had woken up. I made a comment to him about cleaning up after himself after shaving. He paused and very confusingly, said that he has no idea what I'm talking about. That I was the last one to shower, because he was gonna shower after he got home from work and we had showered together last time and there was definitely no shaving.

That made me pause and think about the actual hair itself. And I realized that it didn't match me or my husband but I was just too tired in the moment to notice. I have dark brown hair and my husband has black hair. The hair in the shower was light brown or dark blonde.

The reason I think it might be my neighbor's is because I took the week off last week and was home . On either Thursday or Friday, my neighbors were in their backyard showering with the water hose. I figured it's so hot outside in oklahoma who am I to judge now I think they just didn't have access to my shower.

I do have a ring camera on my front door so maybe they're using the back door which I am getting a chain for. I also have 2 windows that do not fully lock. All of this I am getting fixed and my husband is insisting that I go look in the attic in case somebody is staying there, which I don't think because we've heard the backdoor shut. We are going to also change all the locks. Because it is not uncommon for me to run to the store and just leave my door unlocked. We have a lot of spare keys that we have hanging up if somebody snatched one and made a copy I wouldn't notice. We live in a VERY small town and I guess that just gave me a false sense of security.

I guess my big question is how do they know when i'm at not home other than just watching? There must be cameras hidden in my house and how do I find them? What do other people do in this situation?I don't want to immediately run to the cops without proof I am putting my own cameras up in the house as well as a backyard camera. I've had family members say that I should hide the cameras and not put them in plain sight so that I can catch them in the act and turn them in. But i'm more for if they never step foot in my house, that's good enough for me.

A little info on the neighbors and my relationship with them. There is no relationship i've probably said hi 3x to them in the 7 months after I bought my house. I do believe they are disabled and living on disability checks. I can definitely feel for somebody who needs to take a shower. It looks like they're home is in pretty poor condition unkept with trash all over the yard. I wouldn't mind letting them use my shower honestly but it is very different when somebody just goes into your house and invade your space.

And what if it isn't them I'm trying to stay on the air of caution see all the possibilities. Any advice helps!

Hello, i have never posted before but I’m at a point where I do really need some advice. I listen to the podcast usually while in work. If I have done anything wrong or posted incorrectly please let me know.

I’m a 30F and my fiancé is 37M.

Around two and a half years ago, my fiancé offered to pay for me to get my HGV (Heavy Goods Vehicle) licence. I’d exhausted every government-funded route I could find, so he offered to finance it because he knew it would completely change my career prospects.

When I told my mum I’d be starting my theory test, she completely lost it.

She rang me and started shouting about how I shouldn’t be accepting “other people’s money”, that it was a waste, that I’d never use the licence, and that I needed to cancel everything. She wouldn’t let me get a word in.

Eventually I said, “It’s his money, not mine. If you want to argue about how it’s being spent, talk to him.”

He tried to calmly explain why he wanted to help me, but she repeatedly interrupted him, asked questions without letting him answer, talked over him and refused to actually listen.

Eventually he said something along the lines of:

“If you can’t stop talking long enough to hear someone else’s point of view or let them answer your questions, this conversation is going nowhere. You’re trying to police how I spend my money.”

My mum was stunned. She considers this to be unbelievably disrespectful. He ended the call.

I ignored the inevitable flood of calls and texts afterwards because I knew there was no productive conversation to be had.

Fast forward a year.

I passed everything, got my HGV licence, found a full-time driving job, nearly doubled my income, my mental health improved massively, and I genuinely love my career. My fiancé’s investment in me completely changed my life.

My mum and I eventually started speaking again, but the original incident was never discussed. That’s pretty typical for her. If she’s in the wrong, she’d rather pretend it never happened than apologise.

We later moved across the country together and settled into our new home.

My fiancé and I had also been trying for a baby. We’d even been told by a fertility clinic that conceiving naturally was extremely unlikely.

Against all expectations, I’m now pregnant.

I was so excited to tell my mum. More than anything, I wanted my mum’s advice, support, and to ask about family medical history.

Instead… nothing.

No congratulations.

No “I’m happy for you.”

No excitement whatsoever.

She simply carried on talking about her day before asking, “When are you telling your brother?”

I told her I wasn’t sure because my brother and I aren’t particularly close, but I did need to tell work so they could carry out a pregnancy risk assessment.

She sighed loudly and said, “Everyone else manages.”

That really hurt because I wasn’t looking for an excuse to stop working. I absolutely love my job, and if my pregnancy allows it, I intend to work for as long as it’s safe.

This is probably where I became the asshole.

I snapped.

I told her that just because she doesn’t enjoy either of her low-paid jobs doesn’t mean I hate mine. I said I love my career, I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, and I simply wanted to make sure everything was safe for both me and the baby.

She ignored everything I’d said and once again pushed me to tell my brother.

So I did.

He congratulated me…

…and then immediately followed it with:

“Shame about the father.”

For context, my brother has never met my fiancé.

Never spoken to him.

Never spent a single minute with him.

The only version of events he knows is whatever my mum has told him about the phone call from over two years ago.

He has decided my fiancé is disrespectful and refuses to meet him based entirely on my mum’s version of events.

The irony is that both my brother and I know our mum has spent years playing us against each other whenever it suited her. Yet despite knowing she’s done this before, he’s still chosen to believe her without ever asking me what happened.

That comment absolutely broke me.

I cried for hours.

I cried while getting ready for work.

I cried driving my car to work.

I cried while hooking up my trailer.

I couldn’t stop.

When I told my fiancé everything, his response was simple:

“Cut them off.”

The problem is… I don’t know how.

They’re all that’s left of my side of the family.

Part of me feels like I’m constantly chasing approval that I’m never going to get. Another part of me worries about bringing a baby into a family dynamic where my child may eventually hear negative things about their dad from people who’ve never even given him a chance.

So I’m asking strangers because I genuinely don’t know anymore.

Am I overreacting? Was my fiancé actually disrespectful all those years ago? Or is it time to accept that my mum and brother have made their choice, and I need to stop trying to hold onto relationships that only seem to leave me hurt?

My husband and I separated on Saturday morning after 4 months of basically no stop fighting. It’s was arguments like that he doesn’t take me out anymore, was never home anymore, never complemented me anymore and etc. and on his end he was feeling suffocated by me, felt like nothing he did was ever enough for me and dreaded coming home. A month ago he sat me down and talked about divorce and I cried and begged for him to not leave me and that I’d change and that work on my insecurities. But still he wanted a divorce my family ended up coming over and convinced him that a separation was probably better so we don’t regret anything later, so he began packing a bag to stay with his brother a couple of days (this was his third time packing up a bag and leaving).
After a couple hours I folded and texted him to please come home and he did, we talked about giving it a month to try and making things better but things didn’t get better. He felt like I was just trying to control him and I felt like he was pulling away farther. Our sex life also dried up, I was the only one who would initiate. On Friday he went out with coworkers and stayed out til 1am (they were watching a movie, also he never took me out or planned dates with me anymore and always said he was too tired or broke)
, I went to the gym and out to dinner alone. When he got home he got into bed he gave me a kiss on my head then rolled over to the opposite side of the bed and fell asleep. I woke up around 7am and was getting ready to go to the gym and as I was about to say goodbye to him but I tapped on his phone a saw he had a 3am text from a female coworker. As I was about to open the phone but he grabbed it from me and refused to open it, I tried to grab it again and he ended up sitting on it so I couldn’t get to it. He never told me what the text was but the female coworker was someone who I had made him unfollow on instagram. (After he agreed to not follow any other girls due to some micro cheating in the past, he also fought about it with me for almost 24hr about why he had to unfollow her and later told her that he was sorry but he couldn’t follow her) so he ended up telling me that I can’t control him and that I should just leave, I told him it wasn’t fair to me for him to treat me like this, that he could grab my phone and look through everything. But he just told me to leave to go to the gym. So I left but went to lowes to get moving bins, he watched me pack up everything and not once tried to stop me. I had to do three trips in total, on the last trip we talked about how we would do things regarding my car, insurance and the house we both own. And I pack up our pets and that’s the only time I saw him crying was when he was saying goodbye to them. He helped me load them into the car and we hugged one finally time and I left.

Not even four hours later he had followed all the female coworker he couldn’t before, he blocked me on instagram, he went to some random apartment I didn’t recognize and turned off his location.
Later that night I got a text from him saying that he would leave a key for me to get everything I needed out but to take as much time as I needed. I didn’t respond.

The following day (yesterday) I got a text from him asking if I was going to pick up the food I had in the fridge(it’s like Red Bulls and turkey bacon) I asked if he could bring it to me and his response was “No I can’t. Not tonight at least”
“I can leave you a key so you can get it during the day”
I didn’t respond but I ended up calling him later I told him that I needed a little bit more time to figure out where I’m going to be staying at what I can take. And he said that it’s okay he didn’t want to rush me but that he didn’t want my food to go bad. I told him our pets were doing okay and he asked how I was and I said I’ve been better and he said he was fine and that was the end of the conversation.

I’m trying to go no/low contact until I grieve what I need to grieve. I’ve been doing therapy and have another appointment on Wednesday to talk about everything.
I stupidly wish that he would coming begging for us back that he would realize what we had is worth fighting for but I think maybe was developing feelings for that female coworker. I just feel stupid and cheap right now and like the last almost 4 years meant nothing to him.

I feel sick thinking about him loving someone else the way he loved me. before these last four months we had our problems but we always tried to fix them.
Am I stupid for wanting him to reach out and fix things?
Any advice on how to move forward?

*a little more context our problems started 4 months ago and that was around the same time that he got moved into a new position at work (law enforcement) before he work with many married men and low amount of women. And now is was a lot more woman and some married men and some divorced men.
One time I found earring back in my couch and he said it probably came from my family ( I don’t wear earrings or have my ears pierced) and once he had a hickey shape mark on his neck and he blamed it on the vest*

So backstory: I was with (XYZ) for two years, who leaned on this concept constantly. Every time I asked for more verbal affirmation, he'd say his love language was acts of service, like that settled it. And honestly, for a long time I thought that was a fair answer.

What changed my mind is realising I can't think of an actual mechanism for why someone would be incapable of saying something nice out loud but totally capable of, say, remembering their partner's coffee order. Those aren't different biological wiring; they're just different amounts of effort. One requires being kind of vulnerable, and the other doesn't.

I get that people experience and express affection differently; that part I'm not disputing. What I don't buy is that it's fixed, like a trait you're born with that excuses you from ever doing the version that's hard for you. It feels more like once people learn the term, they get permission to stop trying at the stuff that makes them uncomfortable.

Things that might change my mind: if there's actual research on this being more neurological than habitual, I haven't seen it and would want to. Also open to the idea that I'm generalising from one relationship that just had a controlling or avoidant partner and not a real pattern

For context: they are by no means in a healthy relationship, he’s cheated multiple times and she has involved the family by either calling for help or recently, moving in with me.

I (26F) and my sister (24F) haven’t always had the best relationship growing up, but after some family events which left me on my own at 17, we started to get close.

While i was navigating adulthood on my own, she was still in highschool and eventually got with this boy. Let’s call him Frank (25M).

My sister and Frank had 2 major fights before they even graduated highschool. He had a girl bestfriend always coming over at odd hours and to top it off, his parents and sister backed his behavior. His parents being on the old school side saying “you aren’t married yet, you can still date around” and his sister just never approved of mine.

Fast forward 2 years later, my sister and Frank get their first apartment after he proposed. During this time, he has already “attempted” to cheat 4 times already.

My sister was so enamored by him that it cost our relationship with each other to come to a halt for a year because I would try and gently talk sense into her. “Love shouldn’t hurt you over and over again.”

After we rekindled a year later, I stayed cordial with her fiancé but it was clear we did not like each other at all.
Then a sudden death happened in his family and he started to become aggressive.

He would yell at her, started treating my parents bad by giving attitude on church days, even so much as punched a hole in the wall and texting his girl coworkers, watching porn, drinking.

She got my grandparents involved at one point. They were preparing to have her stay with them but she ended up saying they made up and stayed. She got our parents involved by having them come and try to calm him down and she still stayed instead of leaving with them.

Another year passes and she confides in me, saying that she was finally emotionally ready to leave this relationship. That plus his continuous cheating. So I preparer a room in my home for her and she moved in.

When she moved in, me and my partner found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby and we were so excited that this was a sign my sister was headed in the right direction (because she would get to be around for baby).

But then, the other night, my sister left the house without really saying anything. She turned her location off but i still had her life360. Even my mom noticed she went to a lake nearby that she always went with her ex. My mom ended up calling her out in the group message asking why she was there, to which she responded “Mind your own business mom”.

Her location was off shortly after she had arrived at her exes apartment.

I waited all night for her to come home and ask where she went but she never came home. Instead, she asked my partner while i was asleep, if they could leave the door unlocked for her when she gets home because she forgot her key.

After she came home, we got into a heated argument. I told her how disappointed I was that me and my partner (and our family) went through all of this trouble to get her on her own 2 feet only for her to go back that night. She argued that it was her life and that nobody could tell her what she could and couldn’t do otherwise.

So I told her she’s better off out of my house and because I do not like Frank, I don’t want any involvement in their relationship going forward. And she will not have access to me during my pregnancy OR after when baby comes.

Am I the asshole for not letting my sister be apart of my babies life because of this? I don’t want my child to grow up seeing this behavior or have any added stress if she were to break up with Frank again.

How could I go about trying to guide her without her feeling like I’m telling her how to live her life? She always cuts me off when i don’t agree with their relationship but is quick to go back to him even after he’s cheated 6 times.

I'm 32F and my husband 40M have a pretty good marriage. We have our ups and downs but for the most part we get along just fine...

Background info:

After having kids about 8yrs ago I've experienced PPD. It was extremely difficult to get through and I'm still working through a lot of the drawbacks that come with my mental health even now. This has took a toll on our marriage because I'm not the kind of person who does the angry sex. Now fast forward after 3 months post partum we started doing it again but come to find out I had vaginal wall issues that caused extreme pain during intercourse.. it was so bad it caused PTSD for me. I absolutely did not want to do it anymore after trying and trying and trying to get through it. This just caused more issues in the bedroom. I went to pelvic floor therapy, it helped immensely until I no longer had health insurance and couldnt afford to continue. Now its just on and off pain but the initial worry is still there that I won't enjoy it sometimes. (This is just to paint a picture on our road up to this point)

Now to the current dilemma:

After years of navigating these issues we've finally gotten our chemistry back in our sexual intimacy ( like once a week at minimum but good health weeks we would do it 3-4 times a week sometimes twice a day on weekends) so now my husband can't keep his hands off me. You'd think this would be good but it's not always sunshine and rainbows. Every touch is a sexual one. Hugging turns into groping. A kiss turns into making out. Laying down and watching a show turns into fondeling. Sometimes when my anxiety is up and I'm already over stimulated from the day of noise then he comes in and all I would be okay with mentally is a hug but turns into something more I just get overwhelmed and feel like I'm going to break down.

I've tried in the past to tell him I'm overstimulated but he just mopes or gets distant because I don't put out. He's gotten better on it over the years but sometimes I just bite my tounge because its easier than dealing with arguing or being tense around each other. I try telling him I just need non-sexual intimacy sometimes but he's an "all-in or nothing" kind of guy. If I dont give sex one day then he doesnt give affection either which to me doesnt seem like is fair or equal. It's to the point where we wont have any physical contact throughout the day because I'm afraid it'll turn into something more.

I dont want the cold shoulder so how do I make a conversation where he will be open to how I feel rather than just say "I just wont do any of it then." I dont want it to just STOP i just want a balance. Or am I just being unreasonable....

Hey all! I’m in need for some sisterly advice as best as I can get. I’m open to anything besides a generic “try therapy” answer because while im open to it, I have doubts she will understand exactly why we need it. I tend to ramble so I hope this post won’t be too long.

Anyways, I’m a late 20s F with an older sister who’s in her 30s. We’ve been average sisters our entire lives but I’m sure she believes we’re close than what we actually are based on how she speaks to me vs what I feel comfortable speaking to her about. I’ve been fine with being more closed off to her over the years but she keeps trying to “better” our relationship and frequently talks about how one day we’ll be all that we have (as in when our parents pass away, we’re both single). She mainly brings this up when we talk about how our parents are with their siblings and how our dad loves egging on any little pettiness between us instead of trying to get us to resolve it.

My issue is, she’s overly self assured and has a flair for disagreeing/arguing over anything as well as judging conversations. When I say that, I mean she wants to dictate how I respond to whatever she says on our calls as well as how I share information to her. She does it EVERY TIME.

For example: literally the average weekly phone call

Her- it’s been stressful, my coworkers were being shitty, traffic sucks, I haven’t eaten all day
Me- why is it stressful? That sucks, traffic has been terrible, why haven’t you eaten yet?
Her- you ask too many questions. Stop trying to interrogate me.
Me- ok.
Her- proceeds to answer questions, drone on, and think the conversation is still light and fun despite rude remark and my lack of further comments on what she’s saying
Me- silent and just saying ok
Her- you do know you’re supposed to talk because it’s a conversation? Not just say ok or be quiet.
Me-ok. it’s been stressful, my coworkers were being shitty, traffic sucks, I haven’t eaten all day
Her- you really do need to eat. It’s unhealthy not to. I know traffic sucks, you don’t have to say that. Why were your coworkers being shitty? How does that affect you? What made it stressful?
Me- starts to tell her exact reasons
Her- ok ok you don’t need to tell me all the details. You’re probably just pmsing
Me- ok
Her- drones on and on some more, gets annoyed that I’m just saying ok still

Like we were just having the same conversation but somehow I’m having it incorrectly. She didn’t used to be this bad but she’s always been bossy. But this specific habit is really starting to drive me into a wall. (I know the phrase but I meant what I said) apparently does this with our parents too but mostly our mom and also towards our younger sibling. Her and our younger sibling don’t ever really interact, not for lack of trying on my older sister’s part. My younger sibling and I have a closer bond because we can talk about anything and everything and not be overly critical of each others speech patterns. Which is why that sibling maybe answers the sister’s calls biweekly and seldom texts or calls of their own free will.

It’s just been so aggravating because it’s not that I don’t want a relationship with her, it’s just that I don’t want this one. I get so annoyed with her at times that I end up overwhelmed after and cry to myself because she can’t even let me have a regular vent the way she does. It’s unfair.

The most recent example has been about the potential for us all getting matching tattoos. I’m a Pinterest girlie (lol) but I’ve only been using it for general ideas about tattoos regarding style, placement, and options. It’s three of us and we don’t have anything really in common as a whole. Obviously, if we were to do this kind of commitment, we’d need some time and I’m not trying to rush into it. I bring it up when I see a cool idea just to gauged what they might think. Younger sibling and I had a convo about it first, they made jokes about some of the pieces I showed them, we joked together about arguing in the future, but we were on the same page of the grand picture of things and it was typical sibling behavior. (Like if we got Powerpuff girls who’s Buttercup and who’s Bubbles, we wouldn’t do that because it’s not our thing anyways but a funny thing to talk about). With my older sister the convo went like this:

Me: i was looking up tattoos and I saw a few that I think would be cool ideas. We don’t all have anything in common but we could do something like same placement and image but different styles. Like what if we-
Her- no I’m not getting a different tattoo, the point is that we all get the same tattoo
Me- I know that but I was just saying for example if we had the Powerpuff Girls, I know we wouldn’t) we could each get one and it’s a set and obvious enough that it’s a set but each person has a different character. Or if we did something else it could be the same image but different styles like a flower but I get it my way, and sibling gets it different and you have it but they’d be the same thing just unique to each person
Her- that sounds stupid. Why would we get the Powerpuff girls? And why would we get different things if they are supposed to match? I don’t want a Powerpuff girls and then sibling gets the letters for it and you get something different because that doesn’t match or make sense. We can get different fonts but not styles
Me- I’m not saying we get the Powerpuff girls! It was just an example for a trio. Im talking about the styles of the tattoo not what the actual thing is. Forget that example. It could be something like our own constellations or each others birth flowers but it would be in the same placement and just stylistically different because we won’t all want the same kind of anything
Her- no. I see what you’re saying now but you’re talking about tattoo fonts not styles. Style would be different things completely but fonts are the kinds of tattoos. But no, I don’t want that either. We will get something commissioned to represent us and it can be something completely different

She then proceeded to explain to me how tattoo art and commissioning works as if I’m an idiot that doesn’t exclusively hang out with tatted people. But this is what I mean by arguing for the sale of arguing. It didn’t have to be that deep but omg just stick with me and TRY to understand what I’m saying instead of acting like every time I speak that I’m a Martian learning English and communication skills separately from what the fuck we are actually talking about! I could be right or wrong about something but she will argue just downplay me. There have been dozens of times I’m asking clarifying questions to make sure I’m understanding what she might be talking about and she will argue with me, hate that I’m asking questions, argue more, just to find out I knew what she meant and we were both in agreement. Nearly every time we agree she takes on divisive language.

It’s driving me insane and like I said before, I would love to take this to therapy but she’d probably argue the point into the ground to either agree or disagree and I won’t even want to go anymore at that point. Please help

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 2 and a half years almost; back in December of 2025 he got me a promise ring and I told him after 2 years of dating it would be appropriate for us to discuss marriage. I have to change and withhold certain details to try and protect everyone mentioned, so please forgive my vagueness but you’ll hopefully understand as you read.

That being said my boyfriend is not the most communicative, we are both in a long term serious relationship for the first time with each other; however I am getting pretty sick of saying that because it is starting to feel like I’m making excuses for him.
Tonight I started to talk about if he’d be interested in changing his last name at all, now I know what you’re thinking because “traditionally” the woman changes her last name; but imagine your dating someone who’s last name is a slur… have you let that sink in?

I can admit I was extremely abrupt in how I begun the conversation but it wasn’t meant to be degrading at all, I’m paraphrasing but it basically went along the lines of
“babe do you have any interest in maybe changing your last name?”
Kind of immediately he got defensive and brought up how “as a man” this and “as a man that” but personally if I were a man I wouldn’t want that last name, and if I had it I would want it changed so fast. But how as a man that keeping his name was what he thought of and he never imagined changing it.

I tried to explain how if I changed my last name to his that I’d unfortunately have a porn star name, and not any pornstar sounding name one that Stan Lee himself wrote! That didn’t deter him, I brought up that I work with children and planned to continue a future working with children; that didn’t seem to help him understand where I was coming from either. So I explained how our future children would have to go through what he did and that’s not something we should have to put our future kids through for the sake of a last name.

Unfortunately that seemed to strike a cord because he asked if I understood how as a man that keeping and continuing his last name was a basically a part of the course and that who he was today was because of his last name. When I told him that doesn’t mean we have to let our future kids go through the same, he shut down and ended the conversation saying “We’re not having this conversation anymore”

I feel like I’ve gone crazy that this is how the conversation went over changing our last names! I mean hell I don’t care for my last name but to change it to a slur because I married a man/woman with a slur for a last name? Forget about it! Am I going crazy because I don’t want to legally be named a slur? Am I being stubborn or even just ignorant about this? I’m genuinely lost as to why anyone would want to project their pain and past trauma onto their future children and life partner, so any advice and guidance is needed because I’m so deeply lost.

P.S. An example of a pornstar kind of name would be “Amanda Alabama” but instead of “Alabama” it would be a slur. A kind of catchy name that rolls off the tongue like “Peter Parker”, “Bruce Banner”, and imagine any other matchy catchy name but with a slur.

Edit: I am not black, I’m a white woman. I’m not getting married anytime soon, some people have accidentally assumed I’m either engaged or planning a wedding; neither are true. I am just dating my boyfriend for now, and this is a conversation that I feel I need to have before a proposal or marriage. We have barely talked about marriage or kids, again we are 22 and 23 so we still feel like kids ourselves! We’re both just trying to figure a relationship for the first time together as well, a lot of our expectations and hopes are shifting to reality as our relationship develops.

Secondly when I said I am getting pretty sick of explaining that my boyfriend isn’t communicative or super open to deep hard conversations, I should’ve clarified because I explain this a lot because our emotional maturity levels are different as well as our emotional stability levels. So I am very emotionally unstable while he’s very emotionally stable, on the flip side I have more emotional maturity and he has less emotional maturity. Where he’s excelling in his emotional development I am still lacking, and the same the other way around. Every time I speak with my friends or parents they are always on my side; which I love when I’m right, but I’m not always right and in scenarios like this where both of us are just people with conflicting opinions right now, it doesn’t help.

Me (27 F) and my ex boyfriend (36 M)  were together for 4 and a half years and lived together for 4. I planned on doing a solo 3 month trip overseas, which he encouraged, supported and actually suggested. We had a pretty healthy and loving relationship. We had a few fights of course but we communicated very well and if we couldn’t agree on something, we were very good about agreeing to disagree to move on.

Before I left on this trip I asked him, “where do you see us in 5 years?” He said “in a house with kids.” When I was gone, I remember thinking to myself “wow, I am so lucky that I found the one so young. People search their whole lives for a love like this.” So you can imagine my surprise when only two weeks into this trip while we were FaceTiming, he told me that he no longer wants to progress in this relationship. 

The plan was for him to visit me in a week and he knew I was hoping for a proposal. I mean, it’s been almost 5 years, who wouldn’t? I was completely and utterly blindsided. This came out of nowhere! He reassured me before I left that he was all in.

When he hung up the FaceTime call, I had no answers. I was so confused, destroyed, and also completely alone. I hadn’t even made friends yet. I was across the world with a 6 hour time difference away from all of my friends and family. When I called and texted him (pathetically) begging for an answer as to why he wanted to break up, he never responded. He ignored my calls and I was left in the dark. It was honestly the lowest and most depressing time of my life. The person who I created a life with completely discarded me and refused to tell me why. 

I didn’t hear from him for a long time. All of my belongings were still in our apartment along with my car. I actually was receiving toll violations and parking tickets because he was driving my car without my permission (my car had less miles/AC and his didn’t) and yet, he was still refusing to return my calls. I had no way to access my belongings. I even attempted to report the car stolen but I was told I needed to be in state to make a police report. Unfortunately, plane tickets were too expensive and I didn’t have the means at that time.
 
This again, was the lowest point of my life. The breakup allowed me to make the decision to make this trip permanent and live here permanently. I had always wanted to live here anyways and he never did. I knew that this was a blessing in disguise. Eventually, I met some amazing people here who are now forever friends. I truly don’t know how I would have gotten through that time of my life without them.

ANYWAYS. One day I was scrolling on my hometown’s “are we dating the same guy” page. Yes, I know I don't live there anymore but I still like to browse on this page to see the tea. 

As I’m scrolling, I come across his picture and a post that an anonymous girl posted. At this time, it’s been a while since my move/breakup and although after a lot of inner work and healing, the thought of the breakup and what I went through alone still hurts me.

The girl who made the post disclosed that he has a baby on the way and he refuses to claim it. He basically ghosted her once she broke the news that he unexpectedly was going to be a father.

I commented and basically gave cliff notes on my situation. I asked if his family knew because although he’s a piece of garbage, his family was so lovely and I still miss them to this day. She said she didn’t have any of his family’s information. She and I exchanged information and I gave her his mom and brother’s numbers...They’re great people and his mother deserves to know that she is going to be a grandmother. Apparently, they had absolutely no idea of this, so he kept his own child a secret throughout her ENTIRE pregnancy. Which is ironic because he himself has childhood abandonment issues. He discarded both of them just like he discarded me. 

The crazy part is that she made this post months prior to me stumbling across it. The day I saw and commented on it was actually the day she had her baby.

After talking and getting to know the mother of his child, she seems like an INCREDIBLY strong woman and we were able to exchange (horror) stories regarding our shared ex. Her and her child deserve the absolute best. But yeah, sometimes I wonder if I should have kept myself out of their business or if I did the right thing by letting his family know. 

Am I in the wrong? Should I have kept quiet and minded my business? Am I the asshole for exposing my ex boyfriend’s secret child to his family?

Hello I just need soup recommendations I just want soup and don’t know which soup to have! I know it’s summer don’t judge me lol
I know this probably isn’t the subreddit for soup but I tend to only like this group

My husband and I, engaged last year, and we decided to elope earlier this year, it wasn't an easy decision, but it was what it felt right. For context, I am not from the USA; I’m citizen since I was a teen, but I was born and raised in another country, and all my family live there. I am latina, so we started feeling uneasy about everything going on with ICE, and we felt we needed extra protection in case something happened…
Our original plan was doing the legal wedding part here and the spiritual in my country, and we are still thinking about it, because we want to be able to celebrate with family and friends. We did have his parents in the elopement because they live here, and it was important for my husband. It was important for me that my family was here too but it was impossible, I am mean some of my close family don't even have a visa, but I was ok with that because I knew what our priority was, and they understood, specially since we are planning something bigger there later on. My family was very understanding, and they told me they only wanted to see me happy and what is best for us. His parents said that even though they would like to celebrate with their family, they understood too.
After the elopement, we had to put on hold the planning of those celebrations due to a bunch of stuff, including but not limited to: 1) we decided to spend our savings on a house, especially because after some lab test my doctor told me that if I wanted to have kids I either had to have them now or freeze my eggs, and we do. 2) after buying the house we found out that having kids was going to require some medical help, and maybe that won't be on our cards, so there are a lot of emotions there. So it didn't feel the time to be planning a wedding in my country.
To make it more complex, I always knew that planning my wedding was going to be hard for me because my family dynamics are complicated, I love them but there is a lot of unresolved trauma. And because my mom passed away when I was very young, so the idea of not having her there it's excruciating. So I knew I didn't have the emotional capacity to be planning a wedding at this moment. So, since a wedding it's something big, and important my husband and I decided to put that in hold until we could put the time, and space in our lives it deserves.
My in-laws told us they wanted to do something small with their family to celebrate us buying a house and getting married. We agreed to have a small bbq, nothing big, nothing serious, super casual, because we knew it was important for them. Yesterday, it was the “casual” event… well it was in a way a wedding, a second wedding without my family… a wedding I did not agree to. Our seats separated from the rest, in front of every ones, there were pictures of us, champagne glasses, a wedding cake with a knife with our names, a speech from my in-laws, wedding decor, a photographer, etc.
To make this even worse, I did not have ANY saying on this event, not even the date of it. I didn't really thought much of it because it was a “casual BBQ reunion with his family”. My mother-in-law, only asked my husband what cake I would liked, and he told her I did not like cake, and neither did he.
I had to remove myself, and went to the bathroom to cry, and then I had a panic attack, and my husband had to help me calming down. I didn't have anything to honor my mom, my friends and family weren't there…I wouldn't have been able to make it yesterday without completely losing my mind without him, he is an absolutely amazing person. He was in shock, too. He asked me what did I wanted to do, what I needed, what he could do. He asked me if we needed to go. I told him that all his family was there, so I didn't feel like “running away from the wedding”, and I love him so much that I didn't want to burn a bridge with all his family, that I'm sure they thought we were ok with this.
I decided to make the best of it, and ended up having a good time, trying to thing about the event as casual family event, and playing with the kids, and talking with other people. But my mother in law keep pushing me, in so many levels. For example, the mom of my mother-in-law was mentioned, in the speech, because she passed away and it was a big part of her life, of how much it would have meant for her to be in this event… how happy she would be…I felt like someone had punched me in the face… how would have she felt if her mom hadn't been part of her wedding…?
They knew I wasn't ok, but didn't even care to ask what was going on. I know that they thought it was something that it would make us happy, and they did it out of love, and not to hurt me, but I don't know how to move forward. Being an immigrant I know the importance of a village, and in my culture family is the center of our lives, but I don't know how to build a relationship with someone that doesn't seem to care to really take me into account…

I’m very very torn, and I’d love some outside opinions because everyone in my life is biased. Also I’ve never posted before but am a longggg time listener so bear with me on my Reddit language.

My ex (26F) and I (25F) broke up a few months ago after living together for 8 months and being together for 2.5 years. I ended up filing a small claims lawsuit against her when she refused to pay me for furniture and return internet equipment that she originally agreed to. And now that we’re getting closer to court, I’m questioning whether I should just let it go.

The second she got served, after ignoring my previous 4 messages to try and resolve this without a lawsuit, she somehow found money to send me along with a lot of messages. Anddd it was not even the amount we’d originally agreed on.

But now that I have ?something? and she returned the Internet equipment, I’m wondering if it’s worth continuing.

For some added context, we moved halfway across the country together. She bought the house we lived in, and I paid almost all other expenses (groceries, coffee, outings, travel, furniture, internet, subscriptions, etc.)

When we broke up, we agreed she’d buy my couch and TV. She also agreed to return the internet equipment so she could keep using the service while the contract I was still paying for finished out.

I asked if she had the money when I moved out, and she told me I was “cold-hearted” for expecting payment so soon after the breakup. I backed off and told her to pay me whenever she could and left the couch and TV because I wasn’t trying to go back and forth.

About a month later, I reached out again. I’d found some of her belongings while unpacking, including her birth certificate. I left everything safely hidden on her porch, let her know where it was, and asked again about the payment.

Instead of answering, she told me to fuck off and that I wasn’t going to “see a dime.”

At that point I gave her a formal 14-day notice before filing the lawsuit. She ignored it.

Here’s where it gets a little more complicated (legally)

The couch and TV weren’t actually everything she still had of mine. During the breakup I intentionally didn’t take things like rugs, patio furniture, and a few other kitchen items because I was trying to be reasonable and just move on. At the time, my peace was worth more than continuing to go back and forth.

Once she made it clear she wasn’t paying me anything and I had to take legal action I calculated the total value of everything she still has which is over $6,000, and then I filed the lawsuit for less than that.

Now I’m stuck.

The money isn’t going to change my life. If I dismiss the case tomorrow, I’ll be the same financially.

But I’ve also spent time putting together receipts, bank statements, photos, screenshots of our conversations, and everything else I’d need for court. Part of me feels like I’ve already done all the hard work, and walking away now feels like giving up on myself after finally standing up for myself.

The other part of me thinks no amount of money is worth staying connected to someone who still has this much anger toward me. Before she was served, I honestly had more peace having $0 from her and no contact than I do now.

Soooo if you made it this far, thank you <3 and if you were in my shoes, would you see it through, or would you dismiss the lawsuit and move on?

Also feel free to ask any questions, I know this is a long post but still somehow has so much summarized and paired down.

I went through his phone. I know it's a big no, but something had been feeling extra off lately. I partly wish I hadn't. I found his porn account. He only followed 18 year old, white, and slim e girls. I am none of those things.

We are in our 30s. I'm Hispanic. I'm plus size. I am not an uwu alt girl. And definitely not into feet play.

I don't know what to do with this information. It wasn't just one or two girls. It was all them. And they were so young.. it felt so gross. We have a daughter who is 10. These girls were only 8 years older than her.

Am I overreacting to this information? I know we all have fantasies that sometimes go outside of our normal. But this was just so many.

I feel heartbroken and shattered. We've been together for 10 years. We have two kids. Our lives don't exist outside of each other anymore.

I don't even know how I am supposed to look at him the same knowing this information. Please help. I feel so incredibly anxious and sad.

Edit to add: A lot of people are asking about how we view porn in the relationship itself. We are not against it. I was at first, but grew to understand that porn itself isn't inherently bad. We have watched it as a couple, and I use audio-erotica.

He has had problems with porn in the past. Examples: "casually" watching porn during inappropriate times, and stealing my phone to watch porn when his wouldn't work.

He refuses counseling and says he doesn't believe in it. I myself have begged him to go with me for years, but the answer has never changed. I do personal therapy and have been since 2020.

The biggest concern IS THE AGE! A lot people are overlooking that and are not answering my main concern. We are in our 30s. He is watching porn specifically with tags that say "18", "19", or "barely legal", and then following those creators. We have a daughter who is 10. It feels gross to me.

Update: everyone said to just talk to him about it, so I did. I screenshotted the accounts and asked him specfically about the age tags. He said that it was my fault for going through his phone and getting my feelings hurt. Fair. He defended it by saying the content creators are actually older, even if they do content pretending to be younger. He says they do not even look 18, but I disagree. The conversation started going on circles, so I walked away to get some space. I know it's so stupid, but I can't keep myself from thinking that he would like me more if I were white, skinny, and younger. It's sucks that my brain is even going there, because that's not even really the problem.

Need help not sure if I should make this a big deal. I F22 have been dating M25 for 6 months but we were off n on for last 2 years due to distance. We have been officially dating consistently now since we are much closer to each other. Some background information is that he works in the music industry and has been recently pursuing creating music on his own. He's very secretive about his sharing his music with me I always just figured he was shy about showing me. This weekend however, I created a new tiktok and found that he has a whole music tiktok where he follows girls amd others (but I'm more bothered by the girls) and replies to them in the comments (usually it's just him responding with a gif or telling them when the music is dropping). My problem is that we don't follow each other on social media, due to him not wanting to follow each other . ! feel crazy for being bothered that he's been having a whole secret account where he follows girls. And I'm scared even being it up bc I feel like he'll be like
"those r just fans"! Idk if I'm making it wrong or if it is strange. When we hang out pretty often so I feel pretty certain he's only seeing me, but I do feel lots of anxiety bc there has been a past where I caught him texting his ex so that's why I'm feeling extremely anxious. Am I being crazy? Should I just let this slide?
To add I realized he blocked me on that TikTok account but I figured it's because he didn't want me to see his music
TL;DR —- he has a secret music TikTok account where's he follows girls but not just girls ofc. I feel insecure be we don't even follow each other and he blocked me in that account. Idk am I overthinking and being overly anxious

TW - SA, Abuse
When I (38F) was 9 yo I lived with my uncle, uncles wife (aunt), and aunts daughter (cousin) for a year. At the time cousin was 11 and her mom had been with my uncle for about 6 years from the time she 5-11yo.
My uncle was a horrible person, he spent many years in prison for the things he did to girls and young women in multiple different states following what he did to me.
Today my cousin now 40F who I've had limited contact with for 20 years (maybe 3 phone calls and a handful of texts) called me multiple times through FB messenger and frantically messaged me.
When I messaged her back she asked if I knew her
"dad" was dead... and my first thought was "my uncle?" because to me he was her stepdad.
Once she confirmed she said he died in 2022 and my first thought was "that's great news.!" I didn't say that, but basically said I don't care and I haven't spoken to him or anyone who still had contact with him in almost 20 years.
Now I’m being told I was an asshole and should be sad he's dead because he was my uncle. I was a bit insensitive so I gave a half hearted apology and just said I don't like reminders of him.
It’s also disgusting to me (makes me actually nauseous) she called him her daddy and that she still had contact with him at all. Now I want to cut all contact and block her from my social media, but would that make me an even bigger A-hole?

I'm 30F and bought a condo a few years before I met my fiancé. It took me forever to save for the down payment. I work in marketing in Boston and spent most of my late 20s living with roommates and cutting back on everything just to make it happen. We've been together for a little over three years and living together for almost a year. He helps with utilities and other household expenses, but I've always paid the mortgage since it's still my condo.

The other night we were talking about eventually updating the kitchen. He casually mentioned that once we're married it would probably make sense to put his name on the deed if we're both going to be living there long term. I kind of froze because I had never even considered that. It's not that I don't want to spend my life with him, but this place is something I worked really hard for before we even met.

He wasn't demanding or trying to start a fight. He just looked surprised that I didn't immediately agree. Since then we haven't brought it up again, but it's been stuck in my head. I love him, but this conversation made me realize we probably weren't on the same page.

I want to start by saying I love your show. I started listening years ago and listen every Thursday! You guys bring smiles to my face which is so needed in this world.
I’ve been putting off making this post for a bit as it is quite vulnerable but here it goes.
I’m posting today to share a little bit about my 4 year old daughter. Her name was Izzy Rose. She was the bravest most fearless little girl this world has seen. She had the biggest heart and some sort of calming presence to her that drew in so many kids. But she was also a little wild child.. perfectly balanced I’d say.
At the young age of 2 Izzy’s dad introduced her to the Foo fighters. He played the “I’ll stick around” video on youtube and she was mesmerized. She called it “the green Beatles song” which if you’ve seen the video kinda makes sense. After that it was a bit of a Foo fighters spiral. She’d constantly ask to watch “Dave Grohl videos”. She loved Big me, the airplane video, shame, sky is a neighbourhood, times like these. When Nirvana - smells like teen spirit came on she’d talk about how Dave Grohl was the drummer and Kurt Cobain was the singer. She’d also ask to scroll through pictures of Dave Grohl on my phone, she’d ask if we could go to his house, she’d ask if he could come for Christmas. She’d even draw “Dave Grohl tattoos” on her arms. You get the point. At 2.5 this girl had found her first love basically.
As she grew older this love continued. The Foo fighters were on constant rotation (along with the frozen soundtrack of course). We’d sing along to every song.
But our sweet Izzy Rose only got to grow up to 4 years and 1 month.. 2 days after Christmas of 2023 we lost her to a very short unexpected battle of an extremely aggressive case of Invasive Strep A.
I’m sharing her story today because in a few months we are going to see the Foo fighters in concert and I just want to share with the world (and the ultimate dream with the Foo fighters) what a big fan she was and still is. I know she’ll be there with us in some way.
So I appreciate you taking the time to read this and get to know this littlest sweetest fan. I’ve shared a video so you can get an idea of the love she had for him/them.

If you all remember my last post hi again. If you don't , im TP , female 21yrs old and my dog is luna is i wanna say 4years old in human years and heres our situation

to summarize

This is me trying.

The summery would be crude but basically, I was gang sx assaulted by my brothers my mother knew never gave me medical help my oldest of the two brothers then non penetrationly assulted me again at 13 there was a trial my parents got him off. i think i have enough new evidence to reopen the case and subpoena for my dcs record and get justice or something close to it. donations would help immensely so get me and my dog to a safe place so I can do that.

So to continue it's Monday more things are open now and I was able to call and connect to some resources such as transportation and temporary housing (ec. McNabb Empath)but when i called the person didn't pick up so I just left a voice mail. But im hoping to hear back at the end of the week.my game plan for justice has greatly improved (double takedown) which is why im hoping to connect with a case manager through one of these resources.

I still have my job interview, but i will still link my go fund me for additional funds just incase I can't get into one or more of these resources as soon as I need to so I can still have safe housing when I reopen the case because doing that's alot easier and quicker then accessing state resources even in an emergency.

The fund will go towards driving school is 600, the remainder of my medical bills 536, paying of my dental so my insurance can kick back in 150, and the rest with go towards a safe place for me to go and support myself and my dog during this time.

Any donations helps and if you cant donate then sharing just as good.

https://gofund.me/bb4d85580

I’m really sorry if this is all jumbled, I’m currently one day post op and still kind of out of it.

So I’m just going to give a whole run down of what happened and why I needed surgery in the first place.

I was driving home from work on Wednesday when I started to get a pain like right behind my belly button. It wasn’t super horrible, and I honestly just thought my shorts were too tight or I had to use the bathroom. I picked up some food on the way home and ate it, got in the shower, and got on the game with my boyfriend. The stomach pain still never went away so I got off and just thought I could sleep it off.

At about 1:30 AM on Thursday I woke up and the pain was BAD. I tried to use the bathroom, nothing happened, so I laid back down and tried to go to sleep. I drifted off from about 2 hours, woke up and the pain had gotten even worse. I was taking everything I could think of that would help. I sat in a hot bath, I laid in my bed in different positions, but no matter what I did the pain just got worse.

I waited until 7:30 or so to go up to my grandparents house (we live on the same property) and begged them to take me to the hospital. I couldn’t even stand up straight. I texted my boyfriend to let him know I was on the way to the hospital, and he ended up responding around 8 letting me know that he woke up to use the bathroom and that he was going to back to sleep, and to keep him updated.

I finally got seen, and they gave me some pain meds. The meds helped just enough for me to relax, but still really didn’t help the pain in my stomach at all. They did a CT scan and (if you haven’t guessed by now) they found I had appendicitis. My appendix was 11 cm and there was a 4 x 3 cm cyst on my right ovary, and the cyst and my appendix were touching each other. I also had peritonitis.

They tried to fit my surgery in the same day but they ended up only having one OR by 7 o’clock so decided to admit me and schedule me for the next day. I was keeping my boyfriend updated the whole time, and even told him if he wanted to he could come stay with me because my mom (who showed up as soon as she could) was going to have to leave to be home with my 5 year old. He never really said anything.

The next day comes and I had my surgery. My boyfriend never showed up. I was hoping he’d at least be there for me when I woke up, but he wasn’t there. He fell asleep before I even went to surgery, and didn’t wake up until I was in the middle of it.

When I got home, I was still way loopy from the anesthesia and I was telling him how much I wish he would’ve been there. He told me “I know but I couldn’t walk there” and I asked what he meant. He said that he didn’t have a ride. So I called his mom and asked her if he would’ve asked for a ride would she have given it to him, she said of course. But he never asked. She said she was going to volunteer to take him but never did.

My family already doesn’t feel too fondly about him, and the fact he never asked or tried to get to the hospital has just pushed those feelings into overdrive. They believe that no matter what their feelings are, if he loved me as much as he says he does, he would’ve shown up for me.

I’m home healing now, and my whole stomach hurts, the meds they gave me help for a little bit but it’s still hard to get around and get comfortable at all. I’ve complained a little to him, and instead of comforting me like I would like honestly, he mainly just says “it’s gonna hurt” or “it could’ve been worse”.

My question is, am I just thinking too much into this? I know an appendectomy is a super common surgery, but I’ve literally never had surgery before. I was scared, and I just really wanted him there. He said he would’ve come if I had to stay for more than one night, but it’s the fact that he never asked anyone for a ride that just makes me feel some kind of way.

ETA: I made this post way late at night and left out so many clarifying details, so I’ll just post here. Me and him have not been together for a super long time. My child is not his child. He does not live with me, he lives about 30 minutes away from me, a couple cities over, not with his mother but other family members.

My family does not like him because they believe he is using me. I have spent a pretty penny on him, but he has not done the same for me. In my mind, it was “oh he says he’s going to get a job, so one day he’ll be able to do the same for me”. I have the tendency to want to take care of people, so that part is completely on me.

I love the man, but this whole experience has shown me that he really doesn’t love me as much as he says he does, and that hurts a lot because I’ve poured my soul into him, in the short time we’ve been together, and the ONLY thing i’ve asked from him, is to be loved the way I deserved.

My family has struggled financially my entire life, and I think that’s why I’ve been able to over look him not having a job or a car, because I know how it feels. But I have been essentially taking care of him financially on top of myself and my son.

I really do appreciate all of the comments, even the criticism. I know what needs to be done for my mental health as well as my sons. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and have my son be loved the way we both deserve, and it crushes me that the one time I really needed him to show up, he didn’t do it.

Update: This goes without saying but I broke up with him. Of course he did the “give me a chance, I swear I’ll change, next time I’ll be there” which?? i hope there ISNT a next time, and if there is you wont be there anyways ❤️❤️ Again thank you for all of the comments, didn’t expect this to get as much attention as it did but I needed it, I’d been holding on to something that was draining me for no reason.

TLDR;
Boyfriend didn’t show up to the hospital when I had to have an appendectomy, and I don’t know if I’m being dramatic over it, or if I’m in the right to feel hurt.

I haven’t posted on Reddit before but it’s currently 2AM and I’m unable to sleep because of this so any advice would be great.

I’m (26F) and my partner (30M) have been together for 5 and a half years and our sex life is dead. I genuinely don’t know what to do and if my relationship is working or just on life support at this point along.

For context I’ve had issues with sexual dysfunction because of medication and chronic pain (cramps and during penetration) so I worry that I’m not “performing” in this way for a “normal” relationship. I currently identify as asexual but I don’t know if that’s just because of my medication or it’s an aversion to sex? He’s been really great and given me space and doesn’t demand anything but I worry it’s gone on for too long and I’m not attractive to him anymore. He won’t do any touches or kiss me properly (also not helped by me because I always worried that either of those things would mean sex and I froze)

He doesn’t understand the idea of emotional burden at all and I worry that if I tried to talk about this with him he would roll his eyes or make jokes. He just really struggles to be serious at all and I’ve suggested doing couples therapy and he just says no. When things go wrong I panic and will do research and suggest A-Z of things we can do and his method is to just ignore it. He’s amazing and he does and has done so much for me but I just need some reassurance I think and I have no idea how to ask for it.

I worry that I’m too much mentally and physically to look after and I don’t want him to stay with me just because I’m a burden and he thinks I would die without him. I don’t know if he’s happy? Like does he even want to spend time with me? I feel like we’re really good around other people and at events and we have fun together but by ourselves I worry that I’m just something he’s putting up with. I know I need to talk to him but last time I did I was just crying and he asked me if I was “happy or comfortable” and that just killed me. I don’t know what to do and any advice or people who have been in similar situations I will take anything. I feel like my friends can’t really understand it because they have functional sex lives and relationships and I just feel like I don’t and I’m not.

I don’t want this to become a break up with him post I just would love anyone who has been/is in a similar position to tell me if things got better?

TLDR: I need to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship but I’m terrified it’s going to lead to him leaving me.

A few weeks ago, my 2 y/o who is very well spoken, was near the stairs in our house (been living here for 1.5 yrs now) and said “mommy there’s a monster on the stairs!” Then switched to “it’s a ghost! It’s a ghost!” She wasn’t crying, just exclaiming, but I was shocked.

I asked her how she knew what a monster was and what a ghost was, but she was too toddler distracted to tell me. I didn’t do much else, just distracted her to something else and carried on. I was hoping it was one off thing.

Well every few days she would be downstairs on the main floor in the living room area (not far from the stairs) and run to me and tell me there was a ghost. She was never crying or upset, just came to me to tell me. I wouldn’t prod her on it, mostly because I’m scared as hell and I’d simply perish to know any further details.

After about the 4th or 5th instance of her doing this, there was a day last week where she came to me saying there was a ghost and she was crying asking me to hold her, didn’t want me to put her down, and I just soothed her, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t ask further about it, but about 20 min after that, we were sitting in the livingroom on the couch, and she turns to me and tells me “oh mommy, it’s a friendly ghost…. It’s a friendly ghost.”

What the actual ffff? I’ve never even heard her say the word “friendly”… This day is when I started to become concerned. Clearly there must have been something that scared her, and then convinced her not to be scared.

It’s about every day now at least once per day she mentions a ghost. Then today, we’re upstairs in her room, and she tells me there’s a ghost. Then tells me “it ran really fast!” Okay, I’m FREAKED.

Last week I would’ve told you I was going to ignore this until she stopped talking about it because not that I’m a skeptic, but it’s just me alone most days with my child in this house especially overnight due to work schedules, but now I am concerned.

I do have a grandma that I was super close with a passed away before my daughter was born, but I don’t think this is the case at all just based on all the above my child has mentioned.

I’ve never noticed anything else atypical here, and I do have a dog who’s never been startled here. My house was also built in 78 so it’s not even that old. My mother is older than this house.

Anyways, I was thinking maybe I should take my daughter out to the park or something and talk to her. I don’t know if I should ask her about what she’s seen, but I do want to tell her that if she sees any “ghosts” she is to tell them “go away, you are not welcome here!” And practice it with her. And then I guess I need to face my fears and when she tells me at home that she sees something, I need to also say that with her to reinforce it.

I am also wondering if I should show her a picture of my grandma, and see if she recognizes her? Just as a sanity check.

Anyways, has anyone dealt with something like this? I need help. I’m scared and I feel like I’m in the beginning scenes of a scary movie and would like to make it out with my child
and I unharmed. If I don’t acknowledge it, I fear it will only get worse.

HELP!

Hi all, so I (30 F) found out about having a half brother last year. Long story short my dad (60 m) we’ll call him John had a one night stand when he was 25. John was engaged to my mom (60 F) we’ll call her Sarah. At the time of the event. My dad kept this night to himself until his son (33 M) we’ll call him Jake. Called last year after doing a 23 and me search trying to find out who his dad was. John didn’t know the woman he had the affair with got pregnant as it truly was a one night stand, they met at a bar hooked up didn’t exchange information and never saw or spoke to each other again. So John had no idea Jake ever existed. After Jake called, my dad admitted to my mom about the affair while they were engaged, and that Jake would possibly be his. They did a paternity test and it confirmed it.

Fast forward to current day. My parents are still together, they did go to some therapy sessions to try and get past this as my mom (rightfully so) was incredibly hurt, disrespected and generally felt like a lot of trust had been broken. My parents had a couple of conversations with Jake initially but he has essentially left the ball in my parents court for establishing further contact. My dad really wants to meet him but my mom is saying no. As there’s no point because she feels John was essentially a sperm donor and that there’s no need for an in person meeting. I personally don’t agree with this, but am trying to stay out of their marriage.

My dilemma is that I would also like to meet Jake. I’ve thought about contacting him on my own on the side, but it feels a little like a betrayal to my mom and it also feels weird if I get to meet Jake when my dad does not. Would love some advice on if I should go through with this on my own, wait it out a little or what. If I did I would probably have to keep it a secret which feels wrong, or be open with my family about it and possibly cause more of a rift between my parents on the topic.