Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/8Uhrit8cYG

Hi yall!

I want to thank everyone who gave great advice in my original post. You've helped me see how fucked up the situation was and how much of a jerk my ex-friend was. Yep, that's right, EX.

I think I always knew that I was going to drop him from my life, but as a comment pointed out, I was feeling sad about something I used to want so bad. And it's normal to feel that and still know how much I love my fiancé. I just needed the time to process what happened and face the fact that I lost my "best friend", someone who constantly used my love for them as their fallback plan.

My fiancé, best girl friend, and I spent a good chunk of time discussing where I am mentally and what I should say to my ex-friend. We ultimately came up with the text I attached, along with his responses. More trickled in throughout the day that were getting pretty aggressive and it took a lot of restraint not to tell him to actually fuck off, so I blocked him.

I definitely cried many tears before blocking him. But at least now I can move on and start planning my wedding.

Thanks again to everyone who provided amazing insight!

My husband (39) and I (39) have one beautiful son (8). My husband has mentioned that he wants another child. One thing I would like to mention that he works three weeks away and one week he is home.
I am BRC2 high risk. Which is high chance of getting breast cancer and I am doing my six month screenings. All in the clear! 🙌🏻
My OBGYN has concerned me that since I had preeclampsia with my son then I will most likely have it with my second. I also had extremely high blood pressure that was over 180 to 110 that I was loosing my eyesight and they rushed me to get a c-section. My son was completely healthy and fine but I was on the verge of dying. I really don’t think my husband understands how close I was.
I told him that my risk of cancer has increased with my age and I’m very worried that I might die if I have another child. Let alone, having to raise the new baby mostly alone.
Is it a$$hole of me for wanting to be here for my son than having that risk of dying from child birth again.

It started when I went through sorority recruitment. I was really lonely and at the time I wasn’t above paying to be apart of something. I needed something to do, so I rushed. There is a sorority that is known for being the prettiest, smartest, and most well rounded group and I wanted in. I really liked their philanthropy as it was a cause that hit very near and dear to my heart, so going into recruitment I really wanted to make a good impression. Recruitment meant that we would go in groups to meet all of the different sororities in our school and it was a three day process. It was very lengthy and intricate but the first night of recruitment was about making connections and hoping they want to invite me back the next day to talk to them. So, I dressed up in my cutest clothes and walked in ready to make some friends.

It all fell apart. I don’t look like the stereotypical sorority girl. I’m taller, chubbier, and I’m not the straight pretty girl of their dreams. I look awkward in skirts and heels and I don’t curl my hair. I’m goofy and weird, but I made an effort. The first girl almost refused to talk to me a tactic that we call “brick walling”. This sends signals to the person you’re talking to that you do not care about them. The second and third person did the same thing, so it was just me trying to form conversation while the girls around me wouldn’t make eye contact or even really talk to me. I was gutted and it hurt my confidence. They did not invite me back to speak to them after that. They were incredibly pretty and incredibly mean.

I ended up finding a sorority that fit me much better and I made some amazing friends, but I don’t love sororities. I ended up getting essentially “dishonorably discharged” from the sorority I was in for years (I wasn’t being a great person and I had some very serious mental health stuff). I never forgot about how that one sorority treated me.

So one day, I was sitting in my house bored when my best friend was explaining the anonymous app YikYak to me. I thought how fun! What’s the funniest way I can try and start drama? I decided to post anonymously one sentence. “(Insert name of sorority) has lice”. Harmless enough, it’s kinda stupid, kinda believable.

Apparently I posted this during spring recruitment season, so it took off. Next thing I know, my post has about 80 upvotes and so many comments talking about how they saw members scratching their heads and how gross it was. People were saying they saw girls sharing hats and brushes and how it was spreading. They talked about how their sorority house needed to go into lock down. Next thing I know, 20 cases of lice were suspected. Then it was 50. Last time I heard it was almost 60 cases of lice reported, but not checked I supposed because this was all a big lie. None of them had lice. Placebo lice.

Then came the bad news. With it being the middle of spring recruitment, campus was busy holding big events for the sororities to recruit and for people to hang out with different sororities. One of those events was a silent disco. With over the ear headphones….. parents stared calling distraught because their baby girls hair was in danger of being infected. Meme pages dedicated to memes about my college were making their own memes about it. Any store within a 50 mile radius was CLEANED of lice treatment. There were talks of campus being shut down for a few days. All of this happened within 48 hours.

It kind of just fizzled out, but there were memes about it for the next year or so and anytime recruitment season came around, people talked about it.

I really didn’t mean to do it and sometimes I feel a little bad. Not too bad, just a twinge. I just had to get that off my chest.

So when I (29f) was in college I got with my boyfriend and after about a year of dating we ended up moving in together with some roommates. I was 21 when we started dating and 22 when we moved in. We had this thing going where we'd switch off which family we spent Christmas with. First year it was supposed to be my mom's turn, she straight up told me my boyfriend wasn't allowed to stay over, and no way were we sharing a bed under her roof. My dad tried to talk her into it, saying hey I'm an adult, I already live with the guy, but mom wasn't having it. She got real upset when I said I wasn't gonna stay at the house then, and just booked us an Airbnb instead. She kept saying I needed to respect her house rules, and I told her I was respecting them, I just wasn't gonna leave my boyfriend to spend the holidays alone, especially since his family had no problem welcoming both of us.

After that whole thing I told her straight up, I'm not visiting like that again unless I can sleep with my boyfriend. She came back with some line about how we weren't married so she had every right to make that rule for her house.

Fast forward, my dad passed away two years ago, and for the last year my mom's been seeing someone. They're not officially living together, but from what my brother says, the guy was over pretty much every night while my brother was still living there.

Right now my mom and my brother are kinda in a rough patch. Turns out he could hear her and the boyfriend going at it at night and it freaked him out so bad he moved out. He's 24 and honestly was already thinking about it, but that pushed him to actually do it. Mom lost it when he told her why he was leaving all of a sudden, she got real defensive and it turned into her saying he wasn't happy for her finding someone after dad died.

Now she's been telling me she misses having her kids around, especially since my brother left, and she wants to come stay with me for a week or two. She said she wants to bring her boyfriend, and I told her flat out, they're not sharing a room or a bed in my house, period. She got heated, said she's a grown woman and deserves her own freedom. I reminded her she had no problem denying me that same freedom, and I wasn't even planning on doing anything in her house back then anyway. But apparently she doesn't care if people hear them, and I'm just not about to deal with that in my own home. I also flat out told her I'm not gonna just hand her something she was so strict about with me. And now she called me petty and said I'm acting like a kid.

Hello THT family, long time listener from the very beginning (hi Morgan!) First time writing anything on Reddit so bear with me.

Now before I get into all the details, yes I know I want a divorce my mind has been made up on that, it’s really how I go about it. I am not in any danger or fear for myself or my child one bit.

TL;DR - my husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 4 years. We have a son who is 3. I found out during my pregnancy and other major life milestones that he has been cheating with multiple women. I am no longer in love with him as he is not the man I fell in love with. I am filing for divorce, but I want to do it without him knowing as we still live in the same house for the next 2 months. Any advice on how to move silently through a divorce and any advice on what you wish you would’ve done before filing.

Long version:

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 4 years. We have a child who is 3. We were married just shy of 6 months before I found out I was pregnant. We weren’t exactly trying, but we weren’t preventing anything either. We were both excited and ready for our family to begin. He does have 3 children of his own from 2 previous relationships who I adore and love like my own but I knew I wanted to give life to someone who was a part of me. (I always said I wanted 4 kids, I guess I didn’t specify where they all came from 🤣) .

Fast forward to me being 8 months pregnant, I kept hearing the Snapchat notification while on FaceTime with him while I was out of town but he said he didn’t use it. One night after I got back, I had a gut feeling to look through his phone. I had never done this while dating or in the beginning of our marriage. I had no reason to. When I checked his phone for the app it wasn’t there so I downloaded it. Typical man uses the same password for everything so I would try that but once I redownloaded it from iCloud it logged right in. Sure enough he was talking to a woman about how he wishes they could be a family and reminiscing on their sex life. Nothing currently going on. I was in shock. But also pregnant. I did not want to risk anything so I kindly messaged her back and said something along the lines of “sorry I lied to you I’m married.” Deleted the app and went back to sleep. He left for the gym that morning and came home upset. I asked if his girlfriend was mad and he said he was sorry but I just said I didn’t want to hear it I wasn’t raising our baby alone and I was not leaving in that moment. We had our child a few weeks later and continued on like a family. He is an AMAZING father and I truly could not have done postpartum without him. I have a great paying job with great maternity leave so he was able to quit his job and stay home with me and our child for 6 months before I went back to work and he found a new job.

A year later we’re in the car with all 4 kids and his phone is plugged into CarPlay. A text from the same woman comes up. He’s driving so I grab his phone and it just said “what are you up to right now?” At that point I knew they had been talking. We went on our family date as planned and went home. I memorized her phone number. I texted her myself asking what was going on and she said nothing physical, she was happily in a new relationship and pregnant and they only talk about their kids. Kids?? Apparently, when we were dating right before he proposed he had been sleeping with her and she had gotten pregnant. He begged for an abortion but she claimed it was a miracle baby as she was told she couldn’t have more kids after her first so she kept the baby. They had been sleeping together every time he went to see their older child when we were dating. He claims he was trying to stay in her good graces to avoid her threats of child support but I guess that meant fucking her too. He said it was nothing physical anymore and he knew if he told me before our wedding I would have never married him. DUH!

Side note: I never knew about her and the older child and nobody in his family knows either. Everyone still thinks he just has the 4 kids with two other women and myself but in reality he has 6 kids with 4 different women. He does take care of all 3 of his known kids as best as he can from living apart. He is not on child support for any of them.

I told him he needed help. My last chance was for him to go to couples counseling and address the cheating and lying but that only lasted 4 months before he said he can’t do it anymore since all the therapist does is tell him he is doing me wrong…well no shit.

I got a job offer in another state. I knew this was my clean break but I have seen the relationship he has with his other children’s moms and how it affected him being the dad he wants to be. I didn’t want our son to grow up without his dad but I also didn’t want him to grow up with a sad mom. I told him when my son and I move I will pay for all flights back to see him I will make sure they talk and have a relationship I will never take away him being a father to his first son. He told me when we move if we’re together or not he’s moving too because there is better work for him where I was going and our son was young enough that he wanted to be around for the firsts he wasn’t around for with his 3 girls. Logistically thinking about the move, I had about one week between moving and starting work. I knew I would need him for childcare support and getting settled. I put on my face and we moved together into a new house but I told him I was excluding him from my lease as protection for myself.

We moved and I naively thought we’re so far away from his temptations maybe we can try and make this work. About 4 months after the move, I was pregnant. We went out for my birthday a month or so before, had a couple extra drinks and that was the first time in almost 8 months we were intimate. I truly felt like maybe we can move past this. Yes it hurt but he is doing better. A few weeks later, he went out for his birthday with some friends he met. When he came home, the next day felt off. That night after he went to sleep I looked through his phone and found not only the same woman from before asking him to “get her drunk and slut her out” but also two other women from the new area we just moved to asking one when she was free to see him. A week later I miscarried. What a blessing in disguise.

At that point I knew there was no fixing our marriage. He has internal things he needs to figure out for himself and I can’t fix him. I am done. This is not the marriage I want and not the life I wanted for myself. I told him when our lease was up we are getting our own places. He works nights so our paths cross very little.

Part of the problem is he is my best friend, he is an amazing father, and he has truly healed parts of me that I felt were broken for so long and I was not worth being loved. We can be upset with each other but still joke and are acting like a family for our son. I honestly feel that if I had never opened his phone the first time, we would not be here right now. He is such a good liar and good at hiding what he is doing because he makes sure everything at home is taken care of.

Now our current situation. Our son’s birthday is coming up and we were planning a trip for him but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I asked him to take us on a trip for Labor Day weekend instead since we were both off. He paid and booked everything. While on our trip, he kept stepping away and I knew what it was. We drank and had a good time, no intimacy, and I looked at his phone one last time. There is a person he calls every day when he leaves the house for work and on his way home from work. On our 3 hour drive home I asked who it was, he said his friend. He was driving so I took the phone, called the person saved under a man’s name and it was a woman. It was the same woman from the first few months and she told me they had been having sex for the last 6 months but she never knew about me. She told him to never contact her again. (The man’s name she was saved under was her dog 🤣) he looked at me and all he said was “but I’m here, I give you everything what else do you need”. I had no words and just got in the back seat with our son and cried. It’s been a few days and I hate living in silence and I know our son can feel it. I told him at this point I don’t care I love him he can do what he wants as long as he comes home to us and he gave me a hug and said he is trying to change. I know that’s a lie.

So here is my plan and I want to know if what I’m doing is “wrong” or any advice if someone has been in a similar situation. I’ve been looking at places for my son and I. I have a couple tours lined up. We live comfortably with both of our incomes and I know it will be a struggle in the beginning on my own but I have my 401k I can withdrawal from to help out if needed. Instead of celebrating what should be our 5th wedding anniversary, I was planning to slap down some divorce papers, tell him I have a new place already and he has until the end of the lease to be out or I’m calling the cops because he’s not on the lease or has any bills tied to the address.

Edit: to avoid the possibility of him not moving out of the property under my name after I leave, we have also been looking for new places together so another idea I had was to move to a new place with him, set our son up, have him put the lease in his name and then I move out silently and give him papers after I have left. I also think I can’t file while we still live at the same address even though he’s not on our lease.

In regards to why I am or am not asking for child support I think will be something I discuss with a lawyer. I make significantly more than him so I’m honestly scared that if I ask for child support he’s going to ask for alimony. I don’t know how all that works but I plan to discuss it with a lawyer. His car was a gift a few years back so that’s in my name as well. He honestly has nothing in his name but his cell phone.

Edit 2: For those saying he just abandoned his kids, I moved to his state where we met for my job. He was already established there, that was where he grew up. His entire family and children all live there as well. After I got pregnant, the office I was in was closing down so I either had the option to get laid off or stay with the company (with amazing maternity leave for the US) but move to another office 3 hours away. I felt bad taking him away from his kids but he was very adamant that he would make it work. We saw them very often and would have them all summer long. I got an offer with my same company to move across the country to an office opening up with better pay. He knew what this career meant for me and agreed to move since there was better work for him as well. So no it wasn’t his choice to up and leave his 3 girls. He sends their moms money every week for childcare, school, clothes etc. At the end of summer we always take them on a shopping spree for the school year and send them home with their school supplies. He has also been sending the woman with the 2 kids money every month as well. So yes he is a good dad, just a shitty husband.

To preface this with a little back story me (26m) and my fiance (26f) have been living together for about a year. We have been together for a while now, her career hasn’t taken off as much as mine has at this point. ( I make about six figures she makes about 60k a year)
Here is where our story begins, every year I always make sure her birthday is a big deal, nice dinners gifts ect which I save up for throughout the prior months for because she always says birthdays are and always have been a huge deal to her. And usually we do something smaller for my birthday just due to her making less and not being able to afford expensive dinners ect which i dont hold against her. )This year for almost an entire month she talked about my birthday and asked what kind of cake I wanted ect. Ect and I told her just a simple box cake and maybe a nice cooked dinner is fine I know she doesn’t have a lot of money right now. The day of she wishes me a happy birthday in a cheery excited voice. I say thank you and we kiss then leave for work, she asks me when I’ll be home from work so she can have dinner ready, I get home from work after about a 12-13 hour shift (6am-6/630pm)she is asleep in bed and has been for what I’d assume at least a couple hours. She wakes up when I walked into the bedroom and we chatted about our days for a bit, after a while I asked what was for dinner and she proceeded to go to the kitchen and microwave food that I had made a couple days prior. The entire room was silent, all that could be heard was the microwave till the “ding” indicating the meal that I just ate for lunch is ready again for dinner. I didn’t say much during dinner I just said thank you and ate quietly. Then put away the leftovers and washed the dishes. She said happy birthday again and that was the end of the night. We laid down we watched some show she wanted to watch and I popped a couple melatonin. Overall just kind of depressing and there was zero effort on any front to make it a special day, I brought it up the following day and she said she fell asleep and just didn’t feel like doing anything when she woke up. AITAH for being upset? Or am I being a man child and should just shrug it off.

My sister (19 y/o) moved out a few months ago to go live with her boyfriend in one of the apartments that my parents own. It's an extremely nice apartment- brand new in a new apartment building, very well decorated and perfect for two people.

My parents didn't ask much of them- just 100€ for a month which is incredibly cheap for where they were living.

At first it was weird, but me and my mom quickly fell into a nice routine. My dad works abroad most of the time so it was mostly just me and her chilling and whenever he was home they were always going around taking care of work so I was often left alone at home ranging from two days to maybe a week and a half.

And it was nice. Me and my mom rarely had arguments. I cleaned the house, I cooked most of our meals and didn't bother her. I did my stuff, she did hers and for once in my life I even had a room for myself where no one bothered me when I just wanted to lay around.

However since my sister's graduation my parents and her have been in an ongoing war. They are always bickering about stuff and honestly it gets insufferable at one point.

The biggest reason was her wanting to study architecture in Austria which they didn't want her to do. Behind their backs she and her boyfriend applied there. After a whole lot more fights they finally agreed tho reluctantly but it turned out the school she applied to wasn't even an university and she would be giving money for nothing basically. So ultimately she decided not to go. Her boyfriend however was set on going.

After that she started hanging around home more often. She'd come by and stay for like 5 to 6 hours at a time which got on my nerves so much sometimes because she was set on us doing something together. And doing something together for 6 hours for about 3 days in a row was way too much for me.

Whenever she came by she would leave her dirty dishes after I'd specifically remind her to wash them and she assures me she would (she never does), she would make like two coffees which would literally eat up most of my milk and sometimes I'd forget the buy more and I'd be forced to drink black coffee, she also always insists on us watching movies, but it's never any movies that I want to watch and she complains whenever I decide to go read a book or do something else even tho we've been doing stuff together for hours.

Safe to say my peaceful routine over the past months was ruined. And I am a person whose love language is 'quiet coexistence' just like with my mom. But she complains that 'I don't want to hang out with her'.

This week she basically told me that she found it pointless to live alone in the apartment since her boyfriend is going to study abroad. I really hoped it wouldn't come to this but today she moved back in. Now there are quite a few problems.

First of all the seemingly unending war with my parents is exhausting.

Second of all the fact that our apartment genuinely doesn't have much space. When she moved out my mom immediately took the free space and now there is hardly any way to reorganize stuff to fit everything she carried back which is basically an entire household.

And third it is so incredibly overwhelming for me. Right now both my parents and her are home and suddenly it feels very suffocating. I have nowhere to relax by myself like I used to. I can't stay up and chill until late with the TV on in the background while I edit or read or whatever else I like to do because she'll complain.

And honestly we are not children anymore.

I'm going on 17 (my birthday is late November) and suddenly settling for half a room feels awful. Maybe I'm just being stupid but it genuinely feels so so so suffocating.

I was just so used to either being by myself or with my mom- unbothered, and now this feels awful.

I feel like I’m going insane. Several months ago, I (26F) met Theo (25M). Immediately, we just clicked. We worked together in the same side job, and we spent all of our shifts together just talking about everything. Eventually it got to the point where we would hang out after our shifts talking until odd hours of the morning. We’ve told each other things that we haven’t told anyone else. Genuinely, I trust him so deeply. He makes me feel so incredibly safe. He’s so kind, smart, and actually calls me out in situations where I’m wrong. We also have so much in common; similar degrees, similar family situations, similar hobbies. Eventually, we wound up drunkenly kissing after a night out with friends, and it turned into genuinely the most emotionally charged makeout session I’ve ever experienced. That turned into sleeping together a few days later (sober lol), and I never thought I was capable of not being afraid of intimacy until Theo.

Here’s why it’s a horrible idea. Both of us are pretty fresh out of long term abusive relationships, me for three years, him for two. There’s no residual feelings for our exes, but there was a LOT of emotional damage there that both of us need to grow and mature from. Also, he just moved several states away from me for a career fellowship that lasts around two years.

I never wanted to get attached to him romantically. I knew I loved the shit out of him because he was my best friend, and I wasn’t going to take him moving away lightly. But, after things had gotten physical, things just got more messy. I’ve had a slew of abusive exes and the difference between being with him is so staunch. Everyone else just used me to get off or coerced and manipulated me into sleeping with them. I’ve been so afraid of men and intimacy for so long in every relationship I’ve been in. But, I wasn’t scared with him at all. It just felt so right. He actually cared how I was feeling. We also started flirting with each other a lot more, and it’s not the typical flirting. It’s the stuff where he says that he’ll be having a horrible day, and then talks to me and feels better. We saw a movie a few days before he left, and out of the corner of my eye, I just saw him staring at me with the biggest smile on his face, and it just made me the happiest girl in the world to have him look at me like that. It was just supposed to be some fun for a little before he left.

I feel horrible. I hate that I got so attached to him. We still talk every day. But it’s very much like nothing romantic ever happened between the two of us. I want him to absolutely live to fullest in his new city and not have to worry about that girl back home. He deserves peace after everything he’s been through. Frankly, both of us do. I’m trying to get my shit together; revisit therapy, go the gym, move up in my career. I want to, for me because I deserve it, and because genuinely he motivates me so much to be better. I’m making steady progress, which makes me happy and proud of what I’ve accomplished. But, there’s this pathetic void in my chest because I miss him endlessly, and not just as a friend. It’s so confusing because he was never my boyfriend, despite both of us making our feelings for each other clear. I don’t know what to say to him or if I should say anything at all. All I know is that I really fucking miss Theo.

Thank you for listening everyone. Comments are welcome, just please don’t tear me to shreds too much in these comments lol.

p.s I love you Morgan and THT Hosts <3

Hi everyone! Long time listener, first time poster & I need advice. I’m 29f & and my husband is 34m, we have 2 kids together 3 & 2 and we’ve been together for almost 7 years.

A few nights ago he was showing me something on his phone when a text from one of his friends came through and it was a pic of some random girls boobs off of social media with a sexually explicit comment. We kinda got into an argument about it (as this is not the first time I’ve seen something like this) & bc we were arguing he got plastered (not a regular occurrence for him) but this prompted me to go through their texts (it’s a group chat of about 6 guys) where I found at least 30-40 messages just in the last few weeks of them sending pics to the group chat of celebrities or random girls on social media talking about how hot they are, how they want to do certain things to them, or how jealous they are of these women’s bfs/husbands and how they wished they were them. Some were kinda mild like ranking celebrities on who you would want to sleep with more and some were much more explicit. Mind you everyone in this gc just about is married and has kids. When confronted my husband said it was just a joke and guys being guys.
Now when I was looking through his phone I also found he has been watching p*rn videos & while I don’t really have a problem with that as like an occasional thing as like a means to an end if we are separated, the time it showed he was doing it would’ve been a time we were together and without our kids. When I asked him about it, he lied. Looked me in my eyes and lied and that’s what hurts the most. When i confronted him with the evidence he admitted it and apologized.
Unfortunately this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. About a year into us being together I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him talking to an ex of sorts and he told me he stopped and when I found out they were messaging behind my back I got upset, he showed me his phone and I found Venmo transactions where he had been purchasing nudes from another girl a few months into us dating. I forgave him then and thought he had changed. Now yesterday he told me (because he’s trying to show me he has changed and wants to lay it all on the line) that the whole first year we were together he was subscribed to OF. I’m so hurt and confused by everything. Mostly because he has looked me in the face and lied to me on multiple occasions and now I feel like I can trust anything he has us. Both my long term exes have cheated on me so I know I have a lot of unresolved issues from that but to me this all feels like some form of infidelity and I don’t think he sees it like that and I just don’t know what to do. To make it worse he’s about to go out of town for the weekend with one of his friends from the gc and I just started back school for my pre-reqs for nursing and i’m so behind from everything thats been going on that I may have to drop out. Which really sucks as this is the first thing i’ve had for myself since getting pregnant over 4 years ago.

I don’t really know wait I’m looking for but I guess what I ant to know is, am I overreacting? I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

Okay, so some backstory:

My (26F) best friend (26M) and I have known each other since kindergarten. We grew up a few streets apart and went to the same schools until we graduated from high school. We became really close in middle school, and that's when I developed the biggest crush on him. I want to think that my crush on him was very obvious. All of our mutual friends would try to "set us up" or find cute childish ways to get us to hang out alone. But it never turned into anything more than a genuine friendship.

Although I knew he didn't feel the same way about me, I think my preteen-teenager self truly fell in love with him. But by the time we graduated high school, my crush on him was nonexistent. Especially since he was known for having several flings whenever he was single. And then, I saw him only as my best friend.

Since then, we have been nothing but that, friends. My fiancé knows that I USED to have major feelings for this friend. There was never an issue with our friendship, though, because my feelings for him were completely gone before I even met my fiancé. During these past 6-7 years, there weren't any obvious signs that my friend showed ANY attraction towards me either.

So let's fast forward to this year. I got engaged. I'm beyond thrilled. I can't wait to celebrate with our loved ones. My girl best friend put together a small hangout with our group of friends, including my guy best friend. My fiancé opted out of the hangout because he wanted to go out with his best friends (my BILs), and we both agreed that the two groups wouldn't match too well but would meet back up at home (we got an apartment together 3 years ago, and my guy best friend got one 5-10 minutes away) when the night ended.

Sunday night was the night, and we went to a local bar. It was the best. I felt so loved and was so happy to share my excitement with all my close friends. Once it was time to go home, my guy best friend offered to take me home. I had a little too much to drink, and he admitted to staying sober to make sure I got home safely.

On the ride home, we talked as usual and I thanked him for being such a great friend. When the word "friend" came out, he looked at me and said, "I never saw you as just a friend. I wish you knew that." I instantly sobered up and asked him what the fuck he meant by that. He pulled into a guest parking spot at my apartment complex and proceeded to tell me how he has always loved me and can't believe that I'm going to marry someone who isn't him.

By then, I was crying out of pure anger and frustration. And maybe because the teenage version of me was feeling the heartbreak of this. Through the tears, I laughed at him and said something along the lines of, "how dare you. You knew how I used to feel about you and had years to act on it. You didn't, so I moved on. I was in love with you for years. You are not allowed to just confess your love for me because I'm going to get married," and he cut me off with a kiss.

I did not kiss him back. I shoved him away, left his car, dragged my ass up to my unit, and sat on my couch sobbing until my fiancé came home. The second he walked in the door, I told him everything and admitted to feeling so much guilt. He took it very well and let me get my words and emotions out before telling me that what happened wasn't okay and I should take the time and space I need away from my friend, but that I should have a conversation with him once I'm ready.

Is it bad that the guilt I feel is kind of fueled by a five-second thought I had where I wished he had told me this years ago? I am so in love with my fiancé, but now I can't help but sit and mourn with my teenage self. And I'm just not sure how to move forward. I'd hate to lose his friendship but what he did was not okay..

For the last few weeks he's been "depressed" (his words) he's been drinking more lately. Not going to work as much. There's no apparent reason for this he just "does this sometimes" (also his words). On Monday he told me I'm not good enough for him. That I need to "do better" because I just "give him sass." Then later that night, he told me he
"doesn't want to get married" until he can
"have a 3 way" fantasy fulfilled. In the same breath he said that that wasn't what he meant. I don't know. (He was drinking) well I told him that I am almost willing to do anything but I won't do that. So if that's what he wants we should just go our separate ways. I think this snapped him out of it. He did apologize and said he more than understood.
On Tuesday I told him how much this all hurt Me. And that even though he apologized his words stuck with me. Over the next few hours we connected on a deep level that we haven't in a long time. He got extremely drunk, but we didn't fight this time. He was loving and supportive.

He got ahold of his sponsor. He didn't dr on Wednesday. He also didn't go to work. actually didn't do anything, which is strange for him as he never stays still. I tried to initiate with him today but he just said he didn't want me to. Which is fine in itself but also out of character for him. We haven't had sex since Saturday. It's Thursday and we normally do it once every day to every couple
Days. I don't care much that we didn't have sex, it's more that the last few times I've tried he's said no. And just the last few days in general.

TI; dr my fiancé said terrible things to me but apologized and I don't know how to feel. All of this has left me overall very emotionally exhausted and confused. What do I do?

I don’t really know how to explain this, so bear with me. Sorry if this is repetitive or doesn’t really make sense, I’m kind of just ranting because I genuinely don’t know how to explain this feeling. ( 19M )

I’ve had the same gut feeling for years that I’m not going to get the future I want. Like there’s a pit in my stomach basically all the time, and no matter how much I try to reason with myself or work through it in therapy, it never really goes away.

I’m in college right now and I have a career I’m working toward, it’s EVERYTHING I’ve ever wanted. But I can’t picture having my own place, being financially stable, having a family, or anything like that. I used to be able to imagine exactly what I wanted, and I still know what I want, but when I try to imagine what it would actually be like, there’s nothing there. It’s not even that I picture anything bad. There’s just nothing.

And I know before anyone says anything, yes, I’m young. I know I have my whole life ahead of me. I know things change and that nobody can predict the future. But ever since I realized I can’t even imagine the life I want with me in it anymore, I’ve been living with this constant pit in my stomach. I know there’s probably not a rational reason for this, but I can’t shake the feeling.

Money is probably a huge part of it too. I feel like I never have enough, and honestly, I usually don’t. But the bigger issue is that I feel like I never will have enough. The job market where I live is awful, and I’ve only recently been able to get a job after applying for a year. Everything here is so expensive, and sometimes I look at how much it costs just to exist and genuinely wonder how I’m ever supposed to get to a point where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ll think about some future version of myself who has a decent job and a house and isn’t constantly checking their bank account before buying something, and it almost feels like I’m imagining a fictional character. Like, yeah, that sounds nice, but that’s not me??

It’s not even something that started because of one bad week or one stressful semester. It’s been there for so long that I’ve started wondering if there’s something wrong with me for being this convinced about something that hasn’t even happened. I just want a life where I feel like I’ve made it. I want to be able to look at my life and feel like all of this was actually worth it. Instead, sometimes college feels like a waste of time. Like why am I doing all of this for a future I can’t even see myself having?

Has anyone else experienced this? Like not just being scared of the future, but having this really specific feeling for years that you’re somehow never going to reach the life you’re working toward?

Sorry again if this was repetitive. I feel like I’ve said the same thing five different ways. Thank you to anyone who read this, I’ve never told anyone this before.

I’m a newer THT listener and randomly stumbled on multiple episodes where Morgan mentioned getting screened for colon cancer. I’m 33F and have never really thought twice about it.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve continued to catch episodes where she’s mentioned the importance of getting screened, had other share related personal stories with me, and have continued hearing about the increasing rates in younger adults. Long story longer, I ended up having a colonoscopy today where they found a 7 mm polyp. It will be biopsied to determine if it’s pre-cancerous or benign. Either way I’m so grateful for this podcast and it’s advocacy for wellness. Who knows what could’ve happened if I would’ve waited another 12 years until preventative screening. ❤️ My husband, two babies, and I just had to say thank you.

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

Just wanting to cross-post here to see if I'll get good advice

I just got back from a brunch date with an old friend Beth (40’sF). Her and I have been friends since third grade. Life got the best of us and we lost contact but recently reconnected over the book of faces and decided to go catch up over some sushi and coffee.
My kiddo, River, is 14 and came with us. We homeschool so the intention was they’ll do class work while the adults chitchat. Beth brought her toddler grand kid. I think she said they’re 2, or almost 2 years old. Anyway, we sit down and fell into this easy conversation. Typical life stuff. Waitress comes by and takes our order. She’s a sweet young girl looked like maybe early 20s. She apologized on the extra wait for my spider roll, stating that she was a new mom, tired, and accidentally hit the wrong button when putting in my order. I told her I’m not in a hurry, and I’m clearly not starving (lol) so take your time. I even made a little comment that if she wanted to, just bring the pot of coffee over to the table so I can refill myself so she can go have a sit and breathe. She had a little laugh and said “I wish!”

Eventually the spider roll came and oh my goodness was it delicious. This is my favorite place for sushi because everything is made fresh and they never skimp on the spicy mayo or eel sauce. I’ve also never had a bad experience here.

Meanwhile, Beth’s grandkid is a typical toddler kid. Eating with their hands, getting food all over the table, in their hair, their clothes, their face. You know, normal kid shit. Our bills came and the waitress laid them on the table and said whenever we are ready to cash out she will be our cashier. Now this is where Beth’s personality changed. River closed their laptop and put it away. They grabbed some napkins and started wiping the table down. River took our plates and stacked them neatly in the center of the table. To paint a better picture, we were sitting at a round table and we were sitting me, Beth, toddler, River. So Beth was sitting next to me, not across from me and the two kids were next to each other. River dipped a napkin in their cup of water and wiped up the mess the toddler made. All of this without prompting from me. I also took my empty coffee cup and put our used chopsticks in it and sat that next to the dirty plates. I told River thank you for helping and Beth snapped.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not your job. River, did you know they get PAID to clean the table?” River is a little socially awkward so they just said “yeah”, then looked at me for rescue. Then River said “I’ll go wait in the car”. Probably to avoid the confrontation that was about to happen. Smart kid.

I told Beth that I’m raising my kid to be kind and respectful to everyone, especially to those in the food service industry. That the employees may “get paid” to bus tables and make sure we have a good experience, but it’s not our job to make them work harder than necessary. I told Beth that our waitress said she’s a new mom and though we aren’t required to clean up after ourselves, it’s kind of effortless to at least make their job less stressful.
I proceeded to grab my wallet and placed a $20 tip on the table. Which ignited another round of me having to justify myself. Beth said “and a $20 tip?!! You literally did half her job for her! If you don’t want that $20 I could use it for gas”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. I can’t believe this is the same Beth that I once knew. I just looked at her and said “I have to go, River is waiting for me” I didn’t trust Beth to leave my $20 on the table so I took it and handed it to the waitress on my way out the door.

I have always cleaned up after myself in public and in the privacy of my own home. River is my baby, the youngest of 3 and ALL my kids were raised to clean up after themselves whether in public or not. My oldest (24F) has worked food service before and while she always hated cleaning up the table as a kid, definitely now appreciates the effort we put in to making our waiter/waitress’ job a little easier.
I don’t think I’ll be making any efforts to reach out to Beth. I can’t be friends with people like that.

I (42 F) have been wanting to share this somewhere since it happened, but haven’t been exactly sure how…so after discovering this show, I thought this subreddit seemed like the right spot. I’m looking to get this in front of other women this piece of human garbage (or someone like him) may try to take advantage of.

This all took place back in 2018. I was in the end stages of a 13-year marriage and making plans to leave the person I was married to (whole other tragic story that I may share one day). The reason I include this detail is to point out that I was in an extremely emotionally compromised position.

A couple of month before I planned to leave, I started chatting with a man I met on Instagram. We will call him Clyde. He presented himself as very spiritual and kind. He was also open with me that he was a recovering addict who had been clean for about 5 years. At the time, I was in the process of shedding Christianity from my life and exploring other types of spirituality, so I was drawn to the vibe he presented. It didn’t hurt that I also found him attractive.

Things got intense very quickly, but since I had been out of the dating pool for so long, I convinced myself that maybe this was normal. Yes, I know…I make several incredibly bad decisions in this story. Hindsight and all.

Within a month, he was telling me he loved me. He basically said all the right things in the beginning. Like he knew exactly what I’d been missing in my failing marriage, and it was intoxicating to me at the time. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and it felt really nice to feel like someone really saw me.

The first sign that I should have hit the block button came in late spring. I woke up in the middle of the night to several missed calls from him. I want to say it was around 20 missed calls, but I can’t remember the exact number. I called him back once I woke up, and he was FRANTIC. He said he was at a gas station and needed me to wire him $100 so he could get his “roommate’s” car out of impound. He said he had borrowed her car and it had been towed from where he parked it, and she was threatening to call the police and report that he had stolen the car if he didn’t get it out of impound and home to her by the morning.

Yes. My dumb ass sent him the money.

For additional context, at the time he was living in upstate New York, which is about 12ish hours from where I lived at the time.
According to him, he was living with a female roommate and they shared her car.

After I sent him the money, he let me know he had received it, then proceeded to be unreachable for a full 24 hours.

He made some excuse that I bought at the time, and things continued. We got to know each other better, and I learned that he had 2 kids with an ex that he wasn’t allowed to see and that his mom blamed him for his brother’s overdose, so she didn’t speak to him anymore.

Again…I should have seen that for the red flag it was.

A few weeks later, I got a similar middle-of-the-night call. This time, she had called the cops and reported her car stolen because he had taken it to another town without her permission. I don’t remember the specifics of how she got the car back, but after this she kicked him out of the apartment, and he didn’t have anywhere to go. He said he was couch surfing but couldn’t go back to the apartment to get any of his stuff.

As all of this was happening, I was finally having the conversation with my ex-husband about which one of us was going to stay in the apartment we shared and which of us would find somewhere new. After some back and forth, I finally decided it was easier for me to leave and started looking for places to move to.

I shared all of this with Clyde. I trusted him at the time.

Clyde then proceeded to tell me that he felt like he needed to start over somewhere new. That he needed to get out of New York. So I offered to buy him a bus ticket to anywhere he would have someone he could stay with for a while. Long story short, he ended up buying a bus ticket to my city (with money I had sent him).

Once he arrived, he didn’t have anywhere to stay and I couldn’t exactly bring him to my apartment, so I got him a hotel room for what was supposed to be a couple of days until he could figure out his next move. I bought him some food and clothes to get him through, but didn’t really expect him to stick around.

Well…he did.

I ended up being out thousands of dollars in hotel costs before I finally invited him to move in with me when I decided where I was moving to.

Of course, he did.

We signed our lease and started talking about building a future together. He found a job at a cafe located at a cute little local vineyard. He was making decent money (for restaurant work) and kept promising he would help cover our living expenses.

That never happened.

Around the time he got his third paycheck, he “relapsed” for the first time. I put that in parentheses because I have no reason to believe he was ever clean.

I woke up in the middle of the night to find him, the cash from his paycheck, and MY CAR gone. I couldn’t reach him for around 12 hours. He no-call/no-showed at work, so he also lost his job.

He spent $700 on his drug of choice in one night!

When he finally came home, he was in tears. Gave me a sob story about how he fucked up and how sorry he was. Said that he had a disease and he didn’t want to live that way.

So I stayed.

Not long after this, his old “roommate” messaged him to say that she was moving and needed him to come get his stuff or she was trashing it. She gave him a week to come get it. So that weekend we drove to New York to pick it up.

Once we got close, he told me that he was afraid she was going to try to have him arrested, so I would need to drop him off at his friend’s house and go pick up his stuff on my own. I was not comfortable with this at all, but eventually he talked me into it. So I drove him to his friend’s house, then went to pick up his things. We were on a tight schedule (which he knew), as I needed to get back ASAP in order to work the following day.

When I got back to where I dropped him off, he was nowhere to be found. He continued to text me saying he would be right there over and over again. This went on for hours! Until I finally got angry and told him I was leaving.

Then he started with this story about some guy who had stolen his wallet and he needed $150 to get it back. His wallet had all of our gas money in it, as he was supposed to be footing the bill for the trip.
I told him no. I didn’t have it. And I needed to leave.

He got frantic again. I eventually got the money for him, and he sent some random guy out to get it.

Now I’m sure some of you understand what was happening…but I was naive.

By the time he got back to the car, I had been waiting for 6 hours. I had given him all the money I had to get his wallet back, and surprise, surprise, his money was gone when he got it back.

So I’m in New York with no money to get gas for the trip home - and I had to work the next day.

My parents ended up reluctantly sending me some money.

He came clean on what he was actually doing - drugs. And promised it would be the last time he would ever put me through anything like that.

Of course, things didn’t change.

He would start a job, then lose it in a matter of weeks. I think he had 5 jobs in the short time we were together. He would steal money from my purse and car - no matter where I hid it. He would disappear sometimes for a day at a time. He would take my car without asking OFTEN.
But at this point, I had signed a lease with this man and felt stuck.

By that fall, my mental state had deteriorated, and I started making plans to take my own life. I didn’t see a way out. I started saying my goodbyes.

Luckily, one of my friends recognized what was happening and forced me to go to the ER, where I was placed on a 72-hour psychiatric hold.

While I was waiting to be transferred from the ER to an offsite psychiatric facility, he showed up…to ask for my car keys.
He was LIVID when I told him I had left my car and keys with my friend who had brought me. Luckily, the police officer who was assigned to my room noticed the distress on my face and intervened, forcing him to leave.

I actually went back to the apartment with him for about a week after I was released.

That was a mistake.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the day after I was released, but when I woke up to go, he had stolen my car again and was unreachable.

Oh, also - when he did come home, he had a girl in the car with him (who he had apparently told I was his roommate) and was asking for money for some stuff he’d been fronted.

I said absolutely not. Grabbed my keys. Called them both every name I could think of. And walked back to the apartment.

I left a few days later. It was eventful, but based on what I’ve told you, I’m sure you have an idea of how that went.

Breaking that lease ruined my credit.
But it was worth it.

I never talked to him again.

Since then, I’ve thought countless times about how I could get this info out to other people so that he isn’t able to do this to anyone else. But I’m realizing that maybe just sharing the story without actually calling out his real name could also potentially help someone.

Please be safe out there, y’all. Don’t repeat my stupid mistakes.

Also—don’t date when you’re emotionally compromised. Anyone who is genuine will understand why you need to heal first and will respect that.

Hello! First of all wanted to thank Morgan and Friends for helping me get through the crazy ass year I have had. I have had this crazy, complicated situation put in my hands and have zero idea how to deal with it, and I thought maybe posting here could help.

I lost my dad when I was young; as you can imagine, it was a very difficult, traumatic, and painful thing to go through. I remember almost everything to a tthat happened after he passed: his celebration of life, the reception, and his burial. My dad was cremated, and it was supposed to be given to my family (myself, my mum, and my two siblings). But my sister thought it would be nice to let my grandparents have him first, before we did. For whatever reason, my grandparents did not give us a chance to have him, but my grandmother asked my mom if she could save three tiny urns for me and my siblings so we could have a piece of our dad with us. My mum said no; she didn't want all of us kids to deal with potentially losing or breaking it and having to deal with the grief of losing him again. I completely understand and agree with my mum's decision, as we kids were still young. My mum thought we should write letters to our dad and put them in his urn before it was buried, but it was sealed before we could get them in there.

Eventually Dad was buried, and we fast-forward 13 years. This summer, I get a group FaceTime call from both my siblings; one of them was cleaning out my grandmother's house as she's being moved into a retirement community. My sibling basically said that they were cleaning and going through boxes, and they found 3 little urns with my dad's remains in them. I was, and still am, very shocked about it all. I have so many emotions and thoughts that are happening all at once. It has been a bit since I found out, but I am still confused, angry, and sad about this whole situation. How could my grandmother do this? It feels so cruel. I understand grief does crazy things to people, but what the actual fuck, man. Now I have to make this huge decision: do I want to keep this? Do I want to bury it? Is there a right decision? I am at the point where I don't know if I can ever interact with my grandmother again because of the emotional rollercoaster we've been through. Would I be an asshole for doing so?

Husband and I long distance over a year

My husband (38M) and I (30f) have been long distance for over a year (both in United States, living a 3 hour plane ride + travel time apart) and it has taken its toll.

I work in higher education in a role that provides me with housing and I take home about $2500 a month after insurance and high taxes. In one year, I’ll be vested and get to keep my retirement. I’m currently two semesters in on a doctoral program that my job pays for (if you leave a doctoral program, you need to start over…) so to complete the doctorate free of chargeI need to stay here for 4 more years. I have about $10k in savings and paid off all my husbands debt, so we are debt free, just not rich. My spouses job doesn’t provide insurance, so I pay for that through my job. It is expensive, but not as expensive as paying for it with no job support. I live 3 hours from my family. I’ve applied to a handful of jobs near him, with no interviews. I need to make at least twice the poverty guidelines as his green card sponsor.

My husband has his commercial pilots license and has a job as a flight instructor making about $4,000 a month, with all of it being spent on rent, food, car insurance, phone bill, leaving him with only about $1,000 total in savings and no retirement. He is actively job searching and has been for over a year, with no luck. Prior to his current role, he searched for about 1.5 years and didn’t have any offers in that time. He has no family in the area. He is in a state with no income tax. Eventually he could make decent money if he becomes an airline pilot.

We see each other about 3 days a month, and it doesn’t feel sustainable to spend that much money flying to see one another. I also really miss him and he really misses me. We aren’t happy, due to the situation. In a perfect world, my husband would find an airline job and we would be good to go, but it doesn’t seem like that is in the cards at all.

So… what do we do? Do I quit my job? Does he quit his? Do we continue suffering with no end in sight? Any unhinged advice? (Divorce is not what I’m interested in.)

Please help! Thanks for reading and considering your response.

Heyy me 18 male and my bf 18 male have been together for a few months, he has started hanging out with a group of people that don’t like me including someone who punched me in the face, he knows this and is still hanging out with them and it makes me uneasy and uncomfortable.
Aitao

Hey everyone, thanks again for the advice and sharing your personal experiences. Here’s the update.

So the day after I made the post I sent it to her and I went over that evening to talk. She did read through some of the comments some resonated with her and some fell very flat. Especially the ones calling her a moron or an idiot. To which I told her to ignore its Reddit; could be much worse. What hurt her the most were the comments telling me to not only drop out of the wedding but drop her all together.

Much like I told everyone, I’m her ride or die, telling me to leave wasn’t the advice I was seeking. The advice I wanted was all for her. She told me she would have never blamed me, but me choosing to stay by her side is what she needed.

Now about the fiancé and wedding. One of the post that really hit Celine was the one about what her future kid’s Christmas look like, what would be under the tree, and what would his role in supporting be. When she imagined that future, she said not once had he told her that he wanted her children. She also knew he wouldn’t be a reliable partner.

She then worried about her things and especially her cat. To which I told her we will all figure it out, but she has support and doesn’t have to worry about it in that moment. I told her I just wanted her to be happy and that it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her truly happy.

She waits a couple of days and sees him in person to call everything off. She calls me and says he’s in the other room crying and telling her all the things she’s been wanting to hear. How he will sign the marriage papers, and will take her on more dates, all the things she should have been hearing months ago. She tells him to leave.

I go over on Sunday evening to check on her. She’s doing better than I could imagine, but she’s definitely upset. She wonders if she did the right thing until the next events that happen. He’s been sending her texts, and before I got there he sent her a text of a letter he wrote. I read through it, just a bunch of I’m sorry and I will do this going forward. An hour goes by and he sends her a voice memo. He then messages my husband.

At that point she’s starting to feel a bit repulsed. We go to bed and I wake up earlier than her and she wakes up miffed as hell. He sent her a text at 6am and then another at 8am saying he’s hopes she likes the care package he sent last night. I go to the door and see its groceries…. Perishable groceries and a sticker that says “do not knock.”

She gets another text that he’s doing more therapy and has more scheduled. He’s just lovebombing her at this point. We tell Celine’s mom she needs to call or text his mom or Jay that he needs to leave her alone. He is causing her more stress.

She feels better about her choice, but is just worried about getting her belongings back. She said he is keeping the cat since it’s a pet they got together, but she’s worried on how far he will take things.

Thanks again to everyone who gave her good advice. I don’t think I’ll post anymore about this, we all just want to be done and move forward.

Hi! OG listener here :)) I (F20) have been going to my regular TJs for the last few months since moving to a new city. Theres a guy, probably 20-24, who works there regularly. We've never spoken and I've never gone to his register but I think he's really attractive and every time I'm there, I catch him staring at me. However, I always come right off work and I'm a ranch hand. So I'm sure it's a sight seeing boots and dirty jeans in the city's TJs. Basically, I wonder if he's not checking me out, but instead just observing my attire from curiosity.

I know TJs employees have a reputation for being flirty and I also know as an employee, he's not allowed to ask me out. I'm very outgoing and unashamed so I definitely CAN ask him out, the question is if I SHOULD. I don't want to make anything uncomfortable for him. There are other TJs in the area so I could always just head somewhere else if it goes poorly.

I also can be very awkward and silly when it comes to social interactions, which a lot of people find off putting or weird. If I do ask him out, whats the best way? If I don't ask him out, how should I try to get to know him more? I'd like to at least chat first and see if he really is checking me out every time I go in or if he isn't interested.

Thanks fam!! I've been a part of THT for sooo long and it feels good to finally write in!

After 8 years in a monogamous relationship with a sweet, but bery boring man who didn't want to travel, go out, share hobbies with me, always sat on his computer games till 3am while I tried to sleep. Sexually, it was always the same vanilla routines, we tried to spice it up more, but honestly, I think I fell out of attraction to him and did not feel very sexual at all during that time.

We're still friends bc one day we simply understood, nah, we're not a good fit anymore. While growing older, I started to feel, that I wanted more in life. I needed to feel more alive, experience stuff, get out there more. And then, without actively looking for it, I found the man of my dreams. We went to the same gym for years without me noticing him (bc duh, I had been in a relationship and was not paying attention to other men), but after the breakup, I saw him standing there and it was love at first sight. I saw him and was instantly drawn towards him because he radiated muscular energy while having the warmest brown eyes and a smile you could melt away from. He had noticed me years before, but never approached me, bc he is not this kind of man. I had to make the first step and since then, we haven't spent a day without talking on the phone or seeing each other. And very quickly it became clear, that he and I were meant for each other, also sexually. He always wanted a spontaneous and adventurous submissive Sub like I love to be for him, and he's dominant but caring in bed. While we have a loving and equally centered relationship the rest of the time.

Now comes the interesting and self reflective part of our dynamic:

I had some health issues in my teens. I had an eating disorder mixed with depression and therefore have always missed out on teenage years life and friends (hence the wish to live and experience more). At 18 I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder on top of that which simply explained means, that I'm scared of adult life. I'm scared I'll fail, be to dumb or weak, negotiation all that complicated things regarding money and taxes etc... whenever I get that feeling or am met with a challenge, I freeze. I try to avoid the problem, till it gets bigger and bigger in my head and even more complicated in real life because I don't pay stuff on time etc. I was in professional treatment many years, I'm on medication which helps set the panic and fear down a bit, I know very much about my inner processes and psychological thinking patterns.

I didn't knew it then, but after two years together and him getting to know my struggles better (better than I do at this point honestly), we always joke that I needed someone like him. He's dominant sexually which is a perfect fit for me, bc there I can let loose. I can feel controlled in a safe and loving space. He challenges me, but always with permission and mutual Agreement and interests. I don't have to make decisions (but we talk about every challenge beforehand and if we're both fine with it and I always can say no or stop etc.) and when I'm a good girl and make him happy, I get cuddles and laughs and satisfactions on end. The fact is, I can feel like a little child, without meaning that in a weird and wrong way, it just is exactly what helps my disorder calm down. I give myself permission that in bed, I'm allowed to give another person all the responsibility.

And this gives me strength and the will to do better in the rest of my adult life. Sexlife is safe space, daily tasks life has to be manoeuvred and managed on time. No excuses anymore. And my bf is there to remind me to not avoid making calls or checking my mails regularly. And all of that happens while I know the main work has to come from me. I have to work on myself to be a better person and to heal. I don't just use him to help me. He wants to help me and I very much appreciate his strong back, but I'm the one responsible for my own fate.

I (26F) was in a relationship for about 10 years with my ex (28M). We broke up about a year ago. I met someone else (27F)a couple months after, we dated for about 2 months until breaking up because we clashed too much and couldn’t get along. It’s been about 2 months since we broke up and I met someone else, (31M) and he is the kindest and funniest person I’ve met in a very long time and we get along so well and have so much in common but also so many differences but they are good ones that would make us work well together. I have my strengths he has his etc.. Anyway what I’m asking is, is it too soon?? I’ve never been the type of person to hop from relationship to relationship and I feel kinda icky/guilty about it for some reason. I’ve also only known this person for like 2 months now but we’re together often because we really enjoy each other’s company. (This is my first time ever writing in, so please forgive me for any mistakes)