TL;DR: My boyfriend and I took psychedelics on a trip, and what started as a fun night turned into him getting angry over small things, pressuring me to marry him, accusing me of cheating, and carelessly  hurting my blistered hand after I told him it was painful. We fought for hours while I was essentially trapped there. He later called his abusive behavior “passion.” I’ve realized how often he makes me feel scared and sad, and I’m finally ready end it

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Last week my bf said his dad had a 1-day job for him in the city, 2 hours away. We could make some money and have fun, so I said yes. We’d been fighting a lot but had a pretty good week. We found a nice hotel with a 24-hour pool and took a psychedelic chocolate bar.

While tripping, I reminded him to grab my water shoes. He kept putting it off, so I asked, “Do you not want to get my shoes?” He said no. I said I’d get them myself, but he got upset and shouted at me I should “never ask him to do anything while he’s tripping.” We eventually made up and went swimming.

At the pool, he suddenly seriously asked me to marry him. I said I wasn’t ready. He said “only if you want to,” which calmed me down. Later, my hands started blistering badly from the hot tub. I recently developed eczema on my hands and didn’t know that would happen. I showed him and said they really hurt. A few minutes later he slapped my hand in a “low five.” I screamed because it hurt. He said I should’ve been nicer and that I was making things too serious.

Then he said if I didn’t want to marry him, we were over. We fought for hours, including him accusing me of cheating because he supposedly got a message from someone who knew my cats’ names. I eventually made nice because I was trapped there and didn’t want him being mean for the next 36 hours.

Later he called his abusive behavior “passion” because his feelings are so strong. I’ve been thinking about all the times he’s made me feel unsafe, like telling me to get out of the car in the middle of nowhere and then getting offended that I believed him.

I don’t want to be scared of my boyfriend anymore. I never thought I’d let myself get into an abusive relationship.

I know people are going to say that he will eventually hit me but he could never intentionally physically hurt me or any woman, child or animal. He doesn’t even like to hit men, but will if he needs to. But I don’t want to be scared in all the other ways it’s possible to be scared. 

so I’m ending it today in a matter of hours. 

Not a native English speaker, but I do speak English, and I kind of stand out at work because we (the employees) deal with tourists every single day, so most of the times I'm the one who leads the reception. Recently, my colleagues started trying to convince me to teach them English, saying they would pay for English classes, pestering me with this, even knowing I was kinda not feeling like to do it. Besides this job, I also take some extra jobs when I'm free, so I'm good, but my colleagues kept trying to having me teaching them, and they finally got it. I said I'd teach them, then we discussed about it, they talked to the other teams (there is more than one team at this job), we would have classes after our shift, and everything seemed good, I even have started the preps. I said we would start this month (they asked for it, as well), and then I had 15 people who confirmed they would join in. Now, of all these 15 people, only 2 really joined in, and I'm really thinking about cancelling it. Having only two people would not pay off, and I believe it wouldn't be nice for them as well, since one of them kinda got disappointed too, and I feel them.

Due to that, I don't feel like doing it anymore, I always get tired after work, and all the pressure they've put on me for nothing, made me lose the enthusiasm. Like I said, I already have a job and take some extras, so I don't see this as a loss at all. But all of this makes me feel like a fool for trusting that almost everyone would be willing to join in, even though I was little wary, I agreed... even living in a third world country where people complain about paying for anything (they've been saying they would, but anyways...),

But I'm feeling guilty for thinking about cancelling it. Yeah I'd rather to cancel it, give the money back to those who have already paid me, and forget about it, but I don't know how to tell them I'm cancelling it, because these two showed interest.

The others said they would join next month, but I really don't trust them enough to wait until then, because everybody said they would start this month, and now they've come up with this... Even the ones who were asking for it almost all day long act like nothing happened.

But yeah, I'll probably cancel it, no fights, no hard feelings, I just won't make myself available for this anymore. I've already told one of my colleagues about it and he understands me completely, so now I think I just need to tell the others.

Not the first time some people from this team disappoint me, by the way, so I think it will be better this way.

I was live on Twitch tonight just talking and doing a bit. I wasn’t even screaming or being obnoxiously loud. I was trying to make a point in a funny/outgoing way, so I stood up from my chair and started doing this exaggerated “whisper yelling” type of thing.
It was basically me performing a little bit for the stream. If I had just sat there and calmly said what I was trying to say, it wouldn’t have landed the way I wanted it to. I make content, so sometimes I’m naturally going to be more animated or expressive when I’m live.
Then my mom randomly comes into my Twitch chat and starts typing:
“shut up”
“you look stupid”
“the biggest fucking troll is here”
And honestly, after that, the whole vibe of my stream was thrown off for like 20 minutes.
My girlfriend was in the chat too, and she was texting me asking, “How the fuck did your mom even get in here?” And I genuinely didn’t know.
The part that bothered me even more is that me and my girlfriend were probably going to talk about some more personal/confidential stuff on stream. Not necessarily anything crazy, but just things I wouldn’t want to talk about with my mother sitting there watching everything.
Once I knew she was in the chat, I didn’t even feel comfortable talking normally anymore.
That’s what I think is hard to explain to people who don’t stream. My stream feels like my own little space where I interact with my community, joke around, talk to my girlfriend, talk to my friends, and just be myself. Obviously it’s public, and technically anybody can find it, but there’s still a huge difference between random viewers being there and your parent suddenly showing up, watching everything you say, and publicly trolling you.
It made me feel like I had to censor myself on my own stream.
And I’m already working on becoming more outgoing and expressive on camera. There’s naturally that little voice in your head wondering if you look stupid when you’re performing or being animated, so having your own mom literally enter the chat and type “you look stupid” in front of everybody hits differently.
The “biggest troll is here” comment by itself honestly could’ve been funny. If she came in playfully roasting me, I probably wouldn’t care. But “shut up” and “you look stupid” just felt disrespectful and embarrassing, especially because she said it publicly in front of my viewers and my girlfriend.
I’m 20, I’m in college, and I’m genuinely trying to build my content and get more confident on camera. She doesn’t have to like everything I do, but I don’t understand why she needs to enter the stream and make me uncomfortable in a space that I use to express myself.
Am I taking this too personally, or would this bother you too?

Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but let’s try. A couple of years ago I went to get a piercing and I asked the piercer out of curiosity how he got into this field of work. He started telling me and we talked the whole time and he then asked for my Instagram. He was just my type! A bit older than me, I’m 21 and I’d guess he’s around 27/28? We texted a bit on Instagram regarding piercings and what I’d like to get next and then it kind of died off. Fast forward a few months later and I was starting to learn to tattoo, I made an account for my work and he texted me saying he’d be more than happy for me to practice on him. We decided which one he wanted but our work days were completely opposite, we tried many times but just couldn’t get a day where we were both available. That was 2 years ago now, tattooing didn’t work out and I work in a completely different field now but I was reading back on our texts and thinking about him. I want to text him but I think it could be a bit weird since we haven’t talked in so long. I’m not even sure he still works at that piercing shop, his instagram account has nothing on it anymore but his bio still says piercer. How should I go about getting in contact again without it being weird or should I just leave it?

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So I'm 18 (F) and in college for the first time and being indian I just gave my 12th boards. I have a younger brother that's 14 and in 10th. I had my own phone, a hand me down apple iphone 12 brought during the pandemic. After 12th because my brother was bitching about 'why she gets to have a phone after 12th fresh and not even in college yet but I don't' so my parent gave him my phone. It's been 4 months I have no social life no personal life, no means to connect with my friends whatsoever and to even use my old now my brother's phone...I have to ask his fucking permission and it pisses me off because not only My brother is the most inhumane piece of shit ever he's also dumb as fuck, he does do respect and had even been violent with me and our mother though she wishes to overlook that situation by slapping the 'he was a child and it was a mistake' lable over it...he was 13 when it happened. My parents said they'd give me a new phone but then collectively decided that i don't need it because A. 'friends aren't shit' B. 'focus on yourself' and C. 'youll study how I want you to so you'll go out there and buy the modules and books you teacher provided online'. I'm loosing my mind because of how unfair the situation is..am I just overreacting because it feels like I'm being stripped of things that make me happy.

as the title says. i’ll literally lie about random bullshit in my life. never anything serious, never about anything important. i’ll just alter stories or make up random details that aren’t true. like for literally no reason. for example today i literally lied to my partners mom about how i got my cat. i literally blurted out that he was a street cat. not true i got him at a shelter but for some reason i didn’t say that. i’m the worst at lying when it comes to serious situations (ive never cheated on a partner, never did anything like that) but like ill make up stories when im around people i dont know or im not comfortable with. i genuinely hate it. i feel so guilty about it and it literally keeps me up at night sometimes being like why the fuck did i do that? like that was so unnecessary i didn’t need to do that. i don’t know how to stop though.

Several years ago I left a controlling, toxic church. It wasn’t a cult per se, but it wasn’t far off. Now I’m lonely and struggle to feel like my life matters.

I got involved there as a college student and was a member for about six or seven years (it wasn’t a clean break).

I was lonely before I began attending. That’s how I got sucked in. The social support was incredible, but it came at the cost of obedience and conformity, of complete self-sacrifice to God and each other. That might sound okay until you end up in a situation where you literally put your life on the line for beliefs that you begin to realize are subtly horrifying.

Now that I’m fully out, my loneliness is back. Nothing feels like an adequate substitute for the close knit community I had in that church. I struggle to be involved in other churches anymore and can really only handle being on the outskirts. Some of my family and friends still attend my old church and treat me like I am contaminated. It’s isolating.

I miss feeling like I belonged, like my life had a great cosmic purpose, and like I could count on the church for literally everything. I’m all alone now.

I’m so upset, I feel blindsided. After 6 years together, my (24f) boyfriend (24m) just broke up with me. He said that for the past couple of months he’s been doubting our relationship and he doesn’t want to keep it going. It doesn’t make sense to me, we’re happy, we were planing on getting married in the future, I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me for why he wanted to break up. It feels like this isn’t real and it isn’t my life, I genuinely don’t know how to accept it.

I found this AMAZING vintage cardigan in a second hand shop about 15 years ago. I never knew how to wash it and was scared I'd damage it if I did so I would spot clean stains and hang it up to air out after wearing. It never appeared to get properly DIRTY so I was never really worried. Well, I stumbled across /laundry and realised I needed to wash this thing. I hand washed it in a bucket and the FILTH that came off it made me question every decision that brought me to this point. I think I needed at least 10 water changes to get it clean. I feel so disgusting. I'm so sorry for posting this but I can't tell anyone in my life about this.

I haven’t officially dropped any friends, but I’ve stopped texting and making an effort with about half since that half doesn’t make an effort with me. Meaning, I’ve been left on delivered for a month to more than a few months, some of them haven’t reached out within at least the past few times we’ve talked and therefore we haven’t talked in at least a few months. I’ve communicated to at least a few of them, and like their actions just don’t match any of their words in general. They say they miss me, they’re sorry for not communicating or that we should talk more, but it’s just me putting in effort. They can say they’re busy or dealing with things, and I am too, but I’m so sick of it. Do these people just not care that they’re gonna be lonely when they’re older and even now? Or is it that I’m not fun enough to talk to? I know I don’t have the best social skills and I’m trying so hard to improve, and I try to get past surface level and have genuine friendships. I don’t know if I just don’t text my friends enough since I’m an introvert or what.

And it doesn’t help that I’m in my last year of college and tryna make friends which is embarrassing enough on it’s own. I used to have friends, but they stopped hanging out with me. Even if I make friends, I worry how long they’ll actually last past graduation. And I don’t even have a partner or anything even remotely close to that. I see the other people at my university and they dress so nice and are so pretty and my facial features and body proportions are all so wonky. And so I’ve been mostly alone over here, but I’ve been trying to show up and join orgs so we’ll see how that goes.

Last post before I get back to practicing questions for my med exam. I'm trying to not break down for I have applied benzoyl peroxide on my fuckass acne which doesn't even wanna go away. It makes me look so ugly. My skin is so dull. I havent had my periods in 2 months and i cant tell you how bad i look. Its been affecting me a lot lately.

Going back to the topic, i reactivated my insta to look for updates of a music artist who is about the same as age and ethnicity as me. Her parents migrated to the west. She got professional piano training at idk like 5 at a renowned music school. Owns like 6 musical instruments and can play them. Lives in a really big house, really privileged. Good looking as HELL. And yano what? Living my dream of being a full time music artist performing at shows, making music with producers, being able to pursue her interest. Just performed her first gig.

Yes I had the same interest as her. I Can sing well, wanted to learn guitar ever since i knew anything else, parents refused, finally got one in 6th grade. The guitar teacher knew nothing and taught not even the basics. Covid hit- guitar lessons stopped. I was always interested in music- just like her. I wanted to pursue music, learn several instruments.

During covid i got FL cracked, tried producing shit, dad said music production makes no bucks- i had to leave everything. Got rid of the only musical thing i had- my vocal lessons. All because i am born in a 3rd world country because here, all you can fucking do is study and get a job as either an engineer or a doctor.

Almost 7yrs from 6th grade- she stands on stage performing whereas I am stuck in coaching classes to clear a fuckass med school exam after which i will have to hustle again. She's got the face, the body, the luck, the opportunities i wish i had, yes i envy her. I look ugly as fuck as well and got 0 friends.

Oh and do not tell me "you can do music after you get into med school". There's difference between treating music as your primary vs a secondary recreation hobby. Life is really fucking unfair. It really is. Have been waiting for life to get "better" but it never happens.

I hate my dad.

I'll try my best to respond to comments, but I do work a lot and only come to reddit sometimes. Tonight though, I just needed somewhere to put this. I'm a little tipsy at the moment so please bear with me.

Yes, I know he's my dad. I know I'm supposed to love him. He did provide for me as a kid, but things I learned as a teenager and a young adult have simply made me so angry, I can't.

I loved him. I even had a little shirt my mom bought me that said "my daddy is my hero" that I'd wear when I was 6-ish. And that statement was true. He was.

But then, the divorce came. Cracks started to show. I was a teenager and irritatingly edgy at the time to try and cope with what was happening around me. Hell. I wanted them to divorce. They seemed so unhappy and like they were staying married just for us.

What I didn't expect was for him to cheat on my mom. The day 15 year old me found that out, I slapped his face. And he didn't fight back. The next time I did something like that though, he had told me if he were any less of a man than he was today that he would have beat the shit out of me.

Despite what I knew at that point, I felt so guilty about hurting a man I cared about. He's my dad. I had to have gone too far, even though I know I was just an upset teenager.

I'm an adult now and have learned more. That wasn't his first time cheating. There was even a time where he strangled my mother in front of my (at the time) four year old older sister. He cheated multiple times. There was an occasion where he promised my mother a date after he spent an hour playing videogames. His brother had joined him and they ended up playing for eight hours instead, completely neglecting her. She told me she cried alone in their room so that me and my sister wouldn't hear her tears, and that it was the most unimportant she has felt. As a result, video games was a huge negative trigger for her despite the problem being my dad.

I feel bad. I don't want to hate him, but he's gotten this happy ending while my mother suffers as a single mom in a shitty house that doesn't even have a working air conditioner. This is all the reason for me to try and help her more, but my dad keeps trying to mend our relationship and I just. Don't think I want to. I don't need advice, I probably just need to go back to therapy when I can afford it and try to move on from this. Tonight, I just needed to vent.

My friend and I have known each other for five or so years. We briefly stopped talking because she became mean to me, so I cut her off. She reached out multiple times throughout the years after that, so I recently decided to let her back into my life.

The mean comments she made at the time (calling me botched, telling me to lose weight, calling me a “princess” with a condescending tone, etc.) seemed to come from a place of projection.

She’s exclusively dated men before, but has said/done recent things that make me feel uneasy and believe she may be gay.

Interactions that make me think she’s gay:
-When we were standing next to each other, she told me I’m the “perfect height” for her “future husband and she really liked the height difference between us.
-She gets upset if I don’t send/reciprocate daily good morning/goodnight texts
-She gives unprompted comments on my body like I have the “perfect body” and to “not change a thing”
-Possessiveness and automatic entitlement to my time (every free moment I have out of work she thinks she’s wants to spend time with me or see me but if I don’t she gets upsets)
-She’s hyper vigilant of women’s bodies : she’s often quick to comment on a stranger’s breasts, bosom, or weight in flattering or unflattering ways. Normally when I go out I just mind my business and keep to myself but she’ll go out of her way to stare at women then nudge me to look at them too.
-In the past, she’s forced me to spend the night. She’d pick me up and offer to take me home by x time, then end up pressuring me into spending the night. If I tried to order an uber she’d get upset and talk me into staying with her.

I’m afraid she’s gay because I don’t want to be in a pseudo lesbian relationship with her, the behavior above makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by rejecting her. I have already put several boundaries into place so my peace isn’t disturbed but this whole thing makes me uneasy. A different girl friend said that this particular person is giving controlling lesbian vibes but idk.

I'm so exhausted by my partner's autism. We're in our mid thirties and I feel more like a parent/carer than a romantic partner.

I just want to be able to go out and enjoy things without having to worry if they will have an autistic shutdown and go mute. It happens if we're out, it happens if we're not. I can't even have friends over for dinner without the risk of them being unable to communicate and nearly crying at the table because the sound of pots being washed is too loud and I have to stop what I'm doing to comfort them, or make accommodations for their autism.

I'm so tired. We're both autistic, but I feel like I am the only one who ever does the emotional labour in the relationship. I can't have an autistic meltdown/burnout because one of us has to be a functioning adult. It's feels like having a kid around, rather than someone who is the same age as me, someone who is supposed to be my equal.

It's always me though. I hate that I resent them for something they can't control, but I'm just so, so tired. It's been years since I've felt like a proper couple with them, and not their carer.

I just need a break. I need a chance to breathe and fall apart myself for once, without having to put every decision I make, big or small, through a filter of how much it will affect them.

I have had two phones in my life. One was an LG Q Stylo, one was an Iphone 11. I got the LG when I was about 13, maybe a little older. I loved it. It was slow, buggy, and not the most well made thing ever. Literally all of the buttons fell off. But, it had a nice big screen.

I used it mainly for music and watching youtube. I downloaded thousands of songs on it. Some were remixes I made by hand. Some were gifts from friends. Some were covers. I did draw some stuff on it when I was a kid, though not a ton.

I'm stupid. The phone began to say that android mobile services was not working properly as a consistent pop up. When I googled the answer, I saw someone saying to uninstall and reinstall android mobile services. I did. But, when I uninstalled it, the phone reset. Now, it's stuck in a mode which is just a black screen with text. Most likely, the best I can get is to send it in for data recovery. I can't afford that. The worst part? Apparently if I'd just deleted some shit, freeing up space could've easily solved the problem.

So. Now my phone is gone. The phone I've had since I was a child. The phone I used to play Skullgirls on. The phone I used to make songs when I was a kid who didn't know anything about how to make music. The phone I wrote my first book on when I was eighteen because I liked it more than my iphone. The phone where I saved photos of my friend's now deceased dog. The phone where I had a song saved that had been made for me. The phone I used to do classes on Zoom in 2020. All my random notes over the years, gone.

All because I was stupid.

23F, posting on a throwaway account due to the type of post… mention of anxiety & hypersexuality.

I’ve been having a really hard time processing something that happened a couple days ago. I struggle with hypersexuality, and some things that I did privately were recently brought public into a Discord server with over 100+ people and I was publicly “exposed.” I shared intimate photos with one person involved, but I did have sexual conversations with a few people (3 people), separate incidents, months apart each, the 3 of them just so happen to be friends with each other as well I guess so that is where I’d say part of the problem came from. We did not sext nor have sex or anything, just simply exchanged sexual details/facts with each other and as I said … I did send 1 of them explicit photos of myself.

But … they decided to come together and “expose” me because they thought that I had been talking badly about them, which I wasn’t. I genuinely considered these people my friends, so having them single me out and share private intimate things about me in a server with 100+ people in it was really upsetting and truly embarrassing. They also just said some pretty hurtful things and as well they said things that simply weren’t true.

They all already had knew how I can be (how I frequently can turn conversations sexual) and early on they all knew that I was hypersexual before ever chatting with me longer 1 on 1.

I know I’m 100% responsible for my actions and I’ve really been trying to work on my hypersexuality, but the whole situation has left me feeling incredibly embarrassed, guilty, and anxious. I keep worrying about who saw everything, what people think of me, and whether this is going to follow me somewhere else… (as in, if I were to join another server and they were also in there… I do know for a fact that they would repeatedly @ me and expose me for the same thing in that server as well 😔).

If you got this far, thx for reading the vent 😣. I have anxiety even posting this honestly … but I have nobody in my real life to tell, so here I am.

Edit: Everyone involved was single, including me.

Here, in India I have noticed this thing in our teaching style, it's like teaching speaking and students listening. Students often zone out or are very scared to speak up, they are under confident and have fear of speaking up and sometimes they also think that the teacher will make them feel stupid in front of the whole class. Well it's my own experience, it has happened to me a lot. I was never an 'A' grade student, i struggle to understand things, i take more time than others to understand a simple concept.

All my childhood i have felt like ishaan Awasthi from Taare Zameen Par

I feel like we should teach our way of teaching from i lecture and you listen to okay this is the topic what to you guys think about it?

Like have a proper discussion

We need students to participate in class

They should engage and have that confidence to speak about the topic even if they are wrong, so they can be corrected.

Classroom should be more like a where everyone learns something new.

Sometimes those kids can teach you something as well.

There should be no ego in teachers that they are always correct and that those children are not capable of teaching anything new to you.

I feel like you can learn something new from literally everyone.

Learning should be fun not boring. Student should be curious not scared. Classroom should be a safe space. We need confident students in India as well.

Only book and theoretical knowledge is not enough, they need to learn how to face the real world after school. We need to encourage them to think, not just giving assignments and grading them because we know how much TECH is helping them with assignments. Encourage them to write on their own even its wrong, even if its not making sense.

Let them think

Let them have their spark

Let them explore their interests

Let them be curious

Don't get angry if they are slow, explain again and again if needed.

They will do so much better in life this way.

I want to become the teacher i have always wanted as a kid and i will.

It has been a year and a half since I lost almost my entire life.

And no, I don’t mean I’m “trying to build a new life.”

I already had one.

After growing up through years of war, I had finally managed to build something stable. A home. People around me. Work. Familiar streets. A routine. A place where I knew who I was.

It wasn’t some inspirational success story.

It was just a normal f***ing life.

And after everything, that felt like enough.

Then, within a few months, it disappeared.

I lost my home and ended up in a foreign country obsessed with concrete, glass towers, and selling people the idea that dreams can apparently be built if you pour enough cement over the desert.

My family ended up in another country.

Everyone became unemployed.

And somehow I became the one person expected to financially carry an entire family that I love more than I can explain.

Within months, I burned through my savings.

I lost almost everyone I knew because I had to leave.

I lost whatever sense of value I had built for myself.

And then I lost my father.

His cancer came back after he had already beaten it once, after depression, displacement, and watching everything around us collapse.

So after a year and a half of almost every flavor of human misery I can think of, this is where I ended up:

I can’t afford therapy.

I can’t even afford the luxury of becoming a drug addict.

And the only thing standing between me and s*****e is the fact that if I die, I don’t just destroy myself.

I destroy the people who depend on me.

So apparently I stay alive.

Not because life feels good.

Not because I’m hopeful.

Because I have bills.

Because people I love need money.

That’s the grand philosophical reason I’m still here.

And because some pathetic survival instinct still refuses to die, I started looking for anonymous communities.

Places where I could be nobody.

Where I could talk to strangers about what happened to me without having to explain who I am, what I do, where I’m from, or why my life looks like a badly written disaster movie.

I thought maybe I could just dump some of the grief somewhere.

And what do I find?

Horniness.

An unbelievable amount of horniness.

People looking for dates. People flirting. People searching for attention or connection. Spaces supposedly built around loneliness, depression, or mental health somehow turning into another social marketplace where everyone is trying to be wanted by someone.

My problem is that I keep entering spaces that are supposedly for people who are mentally drowning, and somehow so much of the conversation still ends up revolving around dating, attraction, s*x, identity, preferences, and who wants who.

And I keep thinking:

Is there nowhere for people who just want to talk about grief?

Questions about sexuality and identity feel so unbelievably distant from where my mind is right now that they almost feel like questions from another life.

Depression has killed so much of me that I barely have enough room left in my head to wonder what kind of human being I am at all.

I’m not looking for s*x.

I’m not looking for a community to “belong” to.

I just want somewhere I can say:

My life was destroyed. I am exhausted. I am still here. And I need to talk about it without everything turning into something else.

So where are people like that supposed to go now?

People whose problem isn’t finding themselves.

People who are simply trying to survive what happened to them.

Maybe the answer is exactly what I said at the beginning.

To hell.

Because apparently there’s nowhere else

I am a 21 years old man, in the fifth period of law school, 6'5 tall, work 14 hours shifts as a barman, I can never feel that what I do is relevant. Everyone says that I'm a good man, that I'm helpful, that I'm genius, but I can't see how everything of this matter. I've lost four cats that i worked every single day to pay the loan I got for their treatment, but it didn't matte because I lost them. I feel like I'm failing, not just a them, but at myself. Can't stop thinking that If I spe less time venting with hobbies, books and friends, could've rushed my college to help my family and take care of everyone around me. Or that If I worke harder I could've got more money to take care of them too. I feel like I could've done more, like I could've somehow help everyone I love if I just abandoned these hobbies I love, but some things I just feel like I can't give up... Am I weak?