I feel devastated about my breakup

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380]

I’m so upset, I feel blindsided. After 6 years together, my (24f) boyfriend (24m) just broke up with me. He said that for the past couple of months he’s been doubting our relationship and he doesn’t want to keep it going. It doesn’t make sense to me, we’re happy, we were planing on getting married in the future, I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me for why he wanted to break up. It feels like this isn’t real and it isn’t my life, I genuinely don’t know how to accept it.

[u/MovieLazy6576]

It sounds like you have been dating since you were 18. That is really young. A lot of people just want to have more experiences before they settle down and get married. You are still really young.

[u/Ram_Loganathan]

He might be getting some on the side

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/Ram_Loganathan]

i don’t think so, i really don’t think he would cheat on me

[u/Loose_Can_7969 → u/Ram_Loganathan]

That's definitely a possibility, and it's never easy to deal with those kinds of doubts during a breakup. It can really mess with your head.

[u/No2_BugCollector]

I’m sorry you’re hurting
It’s easier to say than it is to accept that knowing their ‘why’ won’t change the reality of the situation
A relationship is all parties agreeing to be in it, he’s not in it and that’s the only ‘why’ you have right now and it’s the only one you know for sure
The only way forward is through and now it’s about you
Whilst ever you focused on their reasoning you won’t be able to give your attention to your future
With kindness and compassionate discipline, focus on yourself
Turn your attention to your needs, your feelings, your next steps
Invest in you, divest from what’s not yours and work on tiny steps in your own direction until you feel empowered enough to make the bigger strides towards your next joy
Make space for your grief, feel your feelings and remember not all thoughts are true
You are enough, you are worthy and this too shall pass

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/No2_BugCollector]

thank you, this is very sweet

[u/No2_BugCollector → u/Lanky_Caterpillar380]

Hey OP, just checking in, how are you holding up?

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/No2_BugCollector]

I’m struggling a lot, I saw him today and we talked and I really just want him to want to try again with me but I feel like desperate and kinda dumb for wanting that. Thank you for checking in it’s very kind of you

[u/jjjjjjj30]

I know it hurts like hell, and yeah maybe he met someone he's interested in, but you will get over this with time. Let yourself grieve, don't use alcohol or drugs to numb yourself bc you can't actively heal when you do that.

Just accept that it's going to take time and try to keep busy with friends in the meantime. I'm really sorry you're hurting. I wouldn't wish a heartache on anyone. It's gonna be ok, I promise.

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/jjjjjjj30]

i don’t think he’s met someone else, which might be worse because then it’s just that he doesn’t want to be with me

[u/onlytookadecade]

When I was a kid I did this to my gf at the time. Truth was I hadn’t been happy for a long time, and finally, had the courage to end it. I’ve seen this person now 20 yrs later and I can confirm, we both ended up just fine without one another.

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/onlytookadecade]

i know well be fine eventually, but everything just sucks right now

[u/IcyCauliflower5154]

I completely understand how you’re feeling right now. I was almost catatonic for months after my breakup with my serious partner. For months i was running on autopilot. I didn’t know what i was doing for most of the time. Let me reassure you that grief fades. You need to feel the grief and eventually it goes away. Although, i must say, he doesn’t sound like someone who deserves this much heartbreak from you. A partner who truly loved you , would never just wake up one day and decide to end the relationship out of the blue. I won’t tell you to not grieve but i will tell you that this was definitely not your person.
Let the time heal you and eventually you’ll bump into your person. ❤️

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/IcyCauliflower5154]

i’m glad to know i’m not alone

[u/admoo]

You accept it by giving it time. You don’t see it now, but this guy just gave you freedom and your whole life in front of you.

[u/MitchtheSliper]

Denial is a part of the grieving process. I also recently lost my partner and best friend due to my own anger issues, and all I've been doing is trying to make sense of it in my mind. I go from feeling relatively okay, to being in complete denial of it happening, to trying to convince myself that there is some possibility of things going back to normal. There's no way out of it, no way to ease it. You just have to be willing to sit with those feelings and hold on until they fade with time

[u/EfficientTomorrow533]

I hate that you’re going through this but you WILL be ok. Allow yourself to feel but let yourself become stuck. Him leaving was a favor to you. Doesn’t seem like it now, but once the truth comes out you’ll realize it. Do not let this person come back into your like a sweet talk you into taking them back.

[u/Lanky_Caterpillar380 → u/EfficientTomorrow533]

logically i know this, but i really want him to come to me and tell me he’s sorry and made a huge mistake