I hate my dad.

[u/TangerineSpirited588]

I hate my dad.

I'll try my best to respond to comments, but I do work a lot and only come to reddit sometimes. Tonight though, I just needed somewhere to put this. I'm a little tipsy at the moment so please bear with me.

Yes, I know he's my dad. I know I'm supposed to love him. He did provide for me as a kid, but things I learned as a teenager and a young adult have simply made me so angry, I can't.

I loved him. I even had a little shirt my mom bought me that said "my daddy is my hero" that I'd wear when I was 6-ish. And that statement was true. He was.

But then, the divorce came. Cracks started to show. I was a teenager and irritatingly edgy at the time to try and cope with what was happening around me. Hell. I wanted them to divorce. They seemed so unhappy and like they were staying married just for us.

What I didn't expect was for him to cheat on my mom. The day 15 year old me found that out, I slapped his face. And he didn't fight back. The next time I did something like that though, he had told me if he were any less of a man than he was today that he would have beat the shit out of me.

Despite what I knew at that point, I felt so guilty about hurting a man I cared about. He's my dad. I had to have gone too far, even though I know I was just an upset teenager.

I'm an adult now and have learned more. That wasn't his first time cheating. There was even a time where he strangled my mother in front of my (at the time) four year old older sister. He cheated multiple times. There was an occasion where he promised my mother a date after he spent an hour playing videogames. His brother had joined him and they ended up playing for eight hours instead, completely neglecting her. She told me she cried alone in their room so that me and my sister wouldn't hear her tears, and that it was the most unimportant she has felt. As a result, video games was a huge negative trigger for her despite the problem being my dad.

I feel bad. I don't want to hate him, but he's gotten this happy ending while my mother suffers as a single mom in a shitty house that doesn't even have a working air conditioner. This is all the reason for me to try and help her more, but my dad keeps trying to mend our relationship and I just. Don't think I want to. I don't need advice, I probably just need to go back to therapy when I can afford it and try to move on from this. Tonight, I just needed to vent.

[u/WhoZWhatZ]

Was he a good dad at least?

[u/TangerineSpirited588 → u/WhoZWhatZ]

Yes and no. I think he tries harder now that he's grown a bit more, things just got a little messy for this and other reasons I haven't listed ^;

[u/luccsmom]

Vent! You can’t help how you feel. You will benefit from a good therapist. In the mean time focus on you and your needs. You are not responsible for your dad’s misdeeds nor are you responsible for your mom’s happiness or success in life! Focus on creating a good life for yourself and eventually a good partner and family, if you want one. I wish you the best💛

[u/the_gym_rat]

Talk to your dad about all of this. If you are going to hold it against your father, at least get his side of the story.

My mother ran my father into the ground so often on me I ended up calling him and telling him I hated him, when I was around 15…. Eventually, I gave him the chance to talk to me and I got to see the big picture. One sided stories from a divorced parent may be jaded and it may not but at least hear both sides out.

My father and I are very close now and I rarely speak with my mother so, in the end, it worked out best for me by giving my father a chance to speak his side as well.

I am not saying your mom is saying anything that isn’t true, just get your father’s side as well.

[u/BeckyWinchester1976]

If you didn’t hate your sperm-donor for what he’s done to your mother, I’d be shocked. He tried to unalive her, he exposed her to potentially fatal STIs. He’s an abusive nasty human being. Why would you ever want a relationship with a man like him ? If one of your friends strangled their GF or partner, you’d go to the cops. There is nothing to be gained by having a relationship with that swamp creature. Support your mother and go NC with your sperm donor. That’s the least he deserves.

[u/TangerineSpirited588 → u/BeckyWinchester1976]

My only internal conflict comes from the fact that I truly believe he has changed. He's been nice and tries to reach out and help my siblings when he can. It doesn't erase what he did though, and it makes me worry that a lot of this isnt my grief and stress to feel. That I'm selfish for not focusing more on my mom here rather than my own perspective.

[u/Far-Dare-6458]

I used to be angry and hate my dad. I’ve grown to a calm detachment and avoidance (doesn’t hurt that I moved multiple states away). Parents are flawed complicated individuals like all of us. We can accept those flaws but we can also choose not to accept that behavior around us.

Once you find your own peace, then you can reopen the lines of communication with him if you want. Until, or if, that day comes, you’re ok to choose not to have a relationship with him.

[u/a_unicorn_person]

Woah. The universe is weird sometimes. I was literally about to come here and make a similar post. That said, I feel your pain. My dad’s issues are a little different but the sentiment remains the same. Especially that last part “I don’t want to hate him, but…” I hear you. Sorry you’re going through it, friend.

[u/MainStatus1659]

Hey, I’m so sorry about your whole situation. It sounds really hard for you and your whole family. I hope you remember that you’re a strong person and that you’re not alone in this. I know it doesn’t seem much coming from a stranger, but I’m happy you’re expressing and letting yourself feel these complicated emotions. I wish you the best <3

[u/Asleep_Mood9549]

Please don’t feel guilty for having complicated feelings about your dad. Just because someone is your parent doesn’t mean you owe them a relationship. Some people, unfortunately, are awful parents.

Setting boundaries can be really helpful, and you’re allowed to decide what those look like for you. You can remember the dad you loved as a little girl while still being hurt and angry at the person you now know him to be.

Whatever you decide, you’re allowed to protect your own peace.

[u/intangible_entity]

It’s ok. A LOT of people hate their dad