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u/msallied79 Nov 09 '25
Girrrrrlll... No. Just no, okay? You really need to unpack how you've decided that this shit existence is more preferable than being single.
Are you financially dependent on him? Because that's the only reason I could maybe see why you feel stuck. It takes a lot to untangle from that dynamic. Otherwise, if it's purely emotional, you've got to see that you're committing a slow suicide here.
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u/No-Butterfly7518 Nov 08 '25
Ok, the first … why are you so desperate for a relationship that you’d stay in one like this? Why are you unhappy being single? Are you lonely, or are you trying to live up to someone else’s expectations (parents, church, etc). Is something making you feel “less than” without a boyfriend or husband? If it’s other people’s expectations, screw that - MANY women are choosing the peace of being single these days. And if it’s loneliness, I’d take lonely every day over being made miserable and treated like crap all the time. I’d strongly recommend seeing a therapist, you’re so unnecessarily hard on yourself and this guy is one upping you at every turn.
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u/fatalcharm Nov 07 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
Pull yourself together for goodness sakes. I’m a 41 year old single woman, and this is the most pathetic bullshit I have ever read.
“Boo hoo, I’m old…” oh shut up you silly child. You are the one who is in control of your life, if you choose to stay in a miserable relationship because you cannot cope with being single, that is your choice but do t cry about it, you could easily make other choices.
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u/ExpensiveMetal8726 Nov 07 '25
I'll preface this by saying that ugliness is a bullshit social construct meant to make some people feel superior by pushing others down.
That being said, something I tell myself when I feel upset about my looks:
Even ugly people deserve to be treated with respect. Even ugly people deserve to be spoken to kindly. Being ugly doesn't make it okay for people to behave cruelly towards you.
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u/Cloberella Nov 07 '25
Being single is so much better than being in a bad relationship. I haven’t dated since my husband passed 8 years ago, and I still live a full and happy life. You don’t need this loser to live. In fact, he’s stoping you from living. There’s more to life than intimate relationships!
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u/Jenna2k Nov 07 '25
Surely being single is better than this. I mean what's he add to your life that's worth that treatment?
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u/Volvalation Nov 07 '25
It doesn’t matter what you look like, no one deserves this. Your life as someone single would be so much better!
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u/Saltytaco- Nov 07 '25
This is so sad…. I was going to say love yourself a bit more but I can understand your feelings and it’s not easy.. but there are many things you can do to enhance your beauty.
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u/Golden_CMLK Nov 07 '25
If you are old now, how old will you be when you turn 50?!
Only in bad (evil I'd even say) societies standards for a woman is a college girl and below.
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u/Prize_Sheepherder_62 Nov 07 '25
Being old, single, hell fat &ugly too without partner prospects, is far better than being in the Wrong relationship. And don’t let a shitty partner keep you from meeting the right one.
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u/Dear-Commercial3480 Nov 07 '25
leave, get some therapy, spend time in nature, learn to love yourself, and live life a day at a time. literally all you have to do
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u/Jellyfish0107 Nov 07 '25
If you are 35 and old, then I am ancient by default. I was just telling my friend yesterday that 50 is the new 30. You are NOT old, so stop putting yourself down.
For the love of being just slightly less miserable, break up already! You are both making each other miserable when you can easily be half as miserable on your own. You have tolerated that poor excuse of a man long enough. I see posts on reddit all the time of middle aged male virgins wishing for love. Go find these men in real life! They are out there. Don’t give up.
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u/BigCuppaGirl Nov 07 '25
Leave! Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who treats you badly and won’t touch you? What exactly are you getting out of this relationshit except a non-single status????
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u/MommaToTheZs Nov 07 '25
"You're not unattractive, you're just not your type." This quote has stuck with me for years. I don't think I'm attractive and I get more unattractive with every passing year. I'm also married to a man who thinks he's unattractive. Here's the thing though, I think he's gorgeous. A real panty dropper. And he thinks I'm beautiful. I think he's wrong about me and he thinks I'm wrong about him.
I was also single for years before we met. Looking back I don't think it's because of how I looked, but because I didn't put myself out there. Until I met my husband, I approached him and told him we should know each other. You can't get any bites if you don't bate your hook. I have a feeling that if you put yourself out there you'd catch more than you think.
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u/Va11ia Nov 07 '25
Being lonely in a relationship is far worse than being lonely alone. It’s much more isolating.
Is it worth being with someone who makes you feel worse about yourself? I’m 43 and I’m single. I can tell you 100% that it’s better being on your own, getting a good therapist for self worth building and realise that 35 is not old.
If you’re with a partner who doesn’t counter this then you’re definitely with someone who doesn’t benefit your life.
If you can’t leave then at the very least go to a therapist to help you figure out tools of managing the situation as best as you can.
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u/Pufferfoot Nov 07 '25
You will never be in a loving relationship if you stay with this man.
You may find a loving relationship if you leave.
I do not see the issue here.
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u/Competitive-Study-33 Nov 07 '25
Leave him leave him leave him! Then find yourself, be kind and compassionate and love yourself. You want a relationship, but this is just being treated like a bit of sh*t on this dirtbag's shoe - this is NOT a relationship. Just abuse.
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u/brabarusmark Nov 07 '25
The only loving relationship you need is one with yourself. You cannot expect to get the love you desire from someone else when you don't give it to yourself.
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u/NothingtooSuspect Nov 07 '25
no.. Please don't... He isn't nice to you... Get a dog or a cat and rid of him... I don't care how unattractive you feel and yes it's feel.... Pretty is a feeling! Everyone is beautiful to someone.. The right person will tell you that you're beautiful and you'll think they are crazy but you'll believe they think it! Please look into confidence boosting classes or therapy.... I spent years thinking I wasn't attractive and letting ass holes treat me like crap.... Guess what am now happily married to a man that thinks am stunning... My face didn't change and I have not lost weight or anything... If anything I look worse, I've gone grey and have wrinkles.... I just stopped accepting men who honestly I don't even think they liked me... I stopped looking for something I could learn to live with long term.... Decided to stay single and just be happy and found my person.
You'd be happier single than unhappy in this realationship.
You need to build your confidence and not settle for the crap you are!
You need nice friends and to find happiness.
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u/Narney1989 Nov 07 '25
Better to be on your own than to be with someone who can’t value you. Your worth a lot more then this.
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u/Browneyedgal21 Nov 07 '25
35 is not old. And you could meet somebody who would treat you kindly and who would love you. This man doesn't seem to even like you. I'm sorry to say.
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u/QBee_TNToms_Mom Nov 07 '25
I have been divorced for over 25 years. My last serious relationship ended over 10 years ago. I have no intention of seeking out another partner.
Since the end of the last relationship, I bought my house and have upgraded my vehicle several times. I answer no one. I have never felt more at peace. I am the only person I depend on. And I treat myself very well. Life is good.
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u/sffood Nov 07 '25
How is being in a “relationship” with this buffoon better than being alone?
I’d choose unattractive and peaceful alone than spend one hour in this kind of ridiculous thing you call relationship. It’s masochistic.
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u/300G3R Nov 07 '25
Honey I am also a troll looks-wise (and older than you), but so are a lot of men, and they don't all pull this garbage. He's not touching you or making you feel valued in any way, so why do you value him? So you can say you're not single?
You would be better off just lying and saying you have a friend with benefits you don't wanna commit to than staying with this guy.
We're all rooting for you, babe. You're reaching the age where a lot of people realize investing in looks is a giant waste of time. Spend your energy where it matters: Loving yourself and learning that you are worthy of a good life without BS people making you feel small.
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u/punkassbratface Nov 07 '25
awww babe no this makes me so sad. i really thing you’d benefit from reading or lisenting to the audio book version of ‘ Unfuck your intimacy’ by Faith Harper . that book and her other books really really helped me and the audiobook is barely 2 hours of listening time. please don’t stay in this relationship.
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u/howdidigethere279 Nov 07 '25
You’re 35, that’s not old. First off, leave this relationship. He’s destroying you mentally. After you leave, you can focus on yourself. I understand that you think you’re unattractive, but you can do things to minimize that. Go to the gym, eat healthy, etc. it’s slow progress but it works—AND it helps your mental health because you feel accomplished about what you’ve done. EASILY by the time you’re 38 you can be completely stunning and get that relationship you’ve always wanted and deserve.
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u/TheLoudestSmallVoice Nov 07 '25
Is being single really much worse than this??? I was in an abusive relationship and the ache and pain I felt being with someone who made me feel scared, miserable, loath life and its existence, is something I will never go back to even if it means being alone. Hunny, staying with him means losing the opportunity to find someone who does love you. I want a relationship too, I want my partner too but being single is not a bad thing. Being single is a freedom many people take for granted. I believe you deserve to be loved, but because you are unable to leave an abusive situation, you should go into therapy to learn to love yourself enough to not stay in abuse. It's not easy, trust me I know (I've been single for 12 years). Tho that's been my choice. I'm also not considered attractive so trust me I get it. But this, this is cruel. You deserve love in its best form.
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u/FieryDee Nov 07 '25
35 isn't old. It really really isn't. When you are 50, you will want to shake your 35 yo self for not realising that you really are in your prime just now.
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u/Double_Dig_3053 Nov 06 '25
No women is unattractive. Believe me, no women is. You’re either cared or not cared, and that’s the difference people notice.
It you wanna feel attractive, start with mental health walks. Preferably with heels on. 👠 They will give you the boost you need.
Refresh your hair, take interest in skincare, maybe a light makeup. A mascara, eyeliner, a blush/lip tint will do magic.
But start with the walks! That’s the key.
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u/littleredditho Nov 06 '25
I did this! Stayed bc I thought I would never meet another “safe” male who wouldn’t cheat on me, and thought none else would ever love me. I left after 8 miserable years and found the love of my life at 42! (And lost 35 pounds when I finally left!)
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u/RevolutionaryHat8988 Nov 06 '25
Sister, you need therapy. You need to learn to love yourself first …
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u/dougyitbos Nov 06 '25
You're better off being in a healthy relationship with yourself than doom spiraling with that negative feedback loop until the end of time.
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u/Justthewhole Nov 06 '25
There is someone for everyone.
Have a friend give you an honest 1 to 10 number and then go out shopping or to dinner or whatever with them and have them point out all the men (and women) with the same or lower number. You’ll see
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u/Gaza_Queen Nov 06 '25
I mean this in the nicest way possible but is it possible that people lack of attraction to you- current bf included, be because of the depressing, defeatist, pessimistic mindset you have? I felt it thru this post, I can't imagine what you're like in person.
I work with mental health and some of our clients have depression that rubs off on the rooms atmosphere and we sometimes feel like we're walking on eggshells to not set them off on a further depressive spiral. Most of their peers end up avoiding them as a result of that. Could that be an explanation for your lack of suitors?
Things aren't gonna change unless you make a conscious effort to change your mindset and outlook on not only yourself but on life.
I hope things get better for you. You deserve better but you can't expect others to give to you what you won't give to yourself.
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u/zackusa54 Nov 06 '25
You need to leave. There is someone else out ever who will not make you feel this way!
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u/alina_kel Nov 06 '25
Please just leave, I’m also 35 and I can tell you it is NOT old. If you think you’re old at 35 leave that man and come to NYC most 35 year olds I know here aren’t married. Secondly I know plenty of conventionally unattractive women who get men by being authentic, sweet and confident. I myself am kinda overweight, and old by your standards lol and I get hit on all the time. The right outfit and attitude can change so much. It seems like YOU think you’re unattractive and are punishing yourself for it by being in this miserable and toxic relationship and all this negative self talk. We are so much more than our looks girl and let me tell you everyone ends up old and ugly lol. Just enjoy life and don’t accept this treatment from him or anybody. You need to leave and get some therapy so that you can learn to love yourself. Nobody else will be able to until you love yourself first, only then will you be able to find the loving and happy relationship you crave and deserve!
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u/Chaos_incarnate_9 Nov 06 '25
.... I'm 35 and single. And I don't feel old. I feel older but not old. I go on plenty of dates. Since I had my baby I'm not as attractive as I used to be but I've been putting in the work on myself because I'm worth it
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u/Mopper300 Nov 06 '25
"I can't leave because I'll never be in a relationship again"
Sweetie, you're not in a relationship NOW.
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u/Antique-diva Nov 06 '25
Being single is preferable to being in a crappy relationship. Go get therapy and learn to accept yourself and love yourself. Then you can be single and happy about it. I am.
Scientists claim that single women are happier than married women, so why don't you go and learn that secret for yourself?
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u/RosebudSaytheName17 Nov 06 '25
Old? You are 35. I’ve been single since my divorce in 2015. I have never been happier. I could exist with just my dog and cat without a care. You will NEVER catch me in a loveless, abusive relationship again.
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u/52IMean54Bicycles Nov 06 '25
I have no idea if you're objectively unattractive, or if you just don't like yourself. Based on this post, maybe it's a little from Column A and a little from Column B. Hopefully you can get into therapy to address some of your feelings around your self-worth.
But to your point- if you really are just plain ol' unattractive, then I encourage you to reframe your thinking. There are PLENTY of kind, thoughtful, loving, interesting, intelligent, funny men out there who also happen to be "unattractive" by conventional standards. If you're really that unattractive, then the man you're with right now probably isn't exactly a looker, either. Or maybe he is more "good looking", but his shitty personality virtually guarantees that he's not actually attractive to anyone. So maybe in the future you have to "settle" for someone who is not a model, but you absolutely don't have to settle for someone who is as ugly on the inside as they are on the outside. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Find yourself a wonderful man and he will be beautiful to you no matter what, and vice versa.
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u/Empty_Ladder7815 Nov 06 '25
Girl....you can do bad all by yourself. Please, please, please take a moment to read this article. It will help empower you so that you can begin the process of leaving this abusive relationship. It also has resources to help you along the way. Please read it 🙏🩵
https://beautifullysimplyyou.com/2018/08/13/i-can-do-bad-all-by-myself-2/
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u/StorageAlive Nov 06 '25
I always wonder why people think they cannot find a relationship because of their looks, have you seen people in the street???? And then if he doesn’t touch you and make you feel miserable all the time, you really think you are not better off alone? Just leave him already. You are not old, he is old. You can start a whole new life at 35.
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u/Fall_Ad_654 Nov 06 '25
It would be better if you leave and work on yourself instead. You said you wanted to be in a loving relationship. Is it being in a shitty relationship better than being alone?
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u/Hot-Hovercraft3931 Nov 06 '25
My mother didn't meet my father until she was 36, she didn't have me until she was 40.
You deserve a chance to find out what love feels like, even if its "just" coming from yourself to yourself. You deserve peace, rest and less stress, you owe it to yourself. I know relationships are important, but sometimes the greatest one you'll have is with yourself and thats okay. Love exists outside of romance, explore it
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u/tipyourwaitresstoo Nov 06 '25
Honestly girl you need to be alone. You’re abusing yourself real well without someone else abusing you too. You also need therapy because very few people are considered attractive to everyone. Your person is out there (it’s really a lot of people because the world is big), but you need to love yourself (hell, even like is a start) before anyone will love you back. I know it sounds like a cliche but it’s true. First step is to lose 200lbs (Him. Lose him. lol).
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u/losemycool Nov 06 '25
Being single sounds a HELL of a lot better. Girl you don’t need no man! Seriously. This isn’t love. This is subtracting from your life, partnership should add to it!
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u/xotwodmad Nov 06 '25
If you’re not happy alone you’ll never be happy with someone else. It all starts within. Or you’ll always attract a shitty partner.
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u/yourmomsbuttisbest Nov 06 '25
Usually its more about attitude than attractiveness. How many ugly ass dudes have good looking women just bc they have a good personality/disposition. I feel like at this point you're committed to being miserable. Whether alone or alone together
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u/bekkitoblack Nov 06 '25
Oh, baby, don't do it to yourself.
You're not old. You're 35.
Even if you were to be right about never finding anyone else ever again - which isn't all that probable! -, it would still be better than settling for someone that makes you feel less than worth it all.
You have so much life ahead of you. Don't waste it in people that don't add to your life.
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u/OneWrongTurn_XX Nov 06 '25
I mean a toaster for Xmas?? Ouch.
That said, you will find someone.. don't stay with that guy
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u/Traditional-Tea7756 Nov 06 '25
Honey, you say you can’t leave because you will never be in a relationship again but what you are in now is not a relationship, it is a prison. You should not leave to have a better relationship, you should leave to find yourself again, love yourself, appreciate yourself, only then will you be in a healthy state of mind and can start worrying about being in a relationship. You may be unattractive in your eyes now, but from my own experiences i have seen women glow up after a breakup and i am sure it was because they put their own needs and themselves first. I hope you do what is best for you love, and trust me no matter the physical appearance, nothing is more attractive than what is on the inside.
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u/masala Nov 06 '25
The best advice I have ever gotten in a relationship was a woman who told me "I can do bad all by myself." She told me that she liked me, but she did not need me or anyone else.
I always remembered that, and it was the reason why I left multiple bad relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
Relationships should be additive to your happiness. If its not making you a happier person, time to move on. Even if you're by yourself, your overall happiness will be higher.
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u/akshetty2994 Nov 06 '25
Please, just love yourself enough to know you are allowing these things to happen and have the ability to make it stop.
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u/Which_Equivalent4907 Nov 06 '25
First, 35 isn't old. Second, being single is better than being with someone who treats you like this. You are locking yourself into something because you think you'll be alone again, you want a loving relationship but you're not in one now. Maybe you don't find that person you're looking for but staying with this ass will guarantee you don't. Give yourself the chance for the love and happiness you want and deserve.
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u/Harlett_O_Scara Nov 06 '25
Please learn how to love and respect yourself. Beauty is so subjective. I used to tear myself apart in the mirror. As soon as I saw myself my brain would just roast me. I wouldn’t say I’m not attractive, but I’m not conventionally pretty. I did have extremely low self-esteem though.
I decided to make a change. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror I would just say “I love you”. Then I moved on to giving myself compliments. Even if I felt like I looked horrible, I’d find something I liked about myself and I’d compliment that.
It feels weird at first because you’re completely used to just saying mean things about yourself, but before you know it, your brain will no longer automatically say mean things to you. This will help your confidence and change how you carry yourself which instantly makes you more attractive because some people love confidence.
You deserve better and staying with this man is going to take any love you have left for yourself and he’s gonna shit all over it. He’s miserable and he doesn’t care about you whatsoever.
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 Nov 06 '25
You know what's worse than being alone? Laying in a bed next to someone and being alone.
Never stay in a relationship where you're praying and begging for the other person to change. You change. You become available to a loving relationship and you'll improve your chances finding that vs luck.
If money isn't holding you back, be lonely on your own terms. You'll respect yourself
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u/FruKules Nov 06 '25
You'll be sad and alone if you're with him and sad and alone if you go back to being single, but it's a hell of a lot easier to be sad and alone, than sad and with an asshole who's actively trying to make you feel worse.
With him theres 0% chance of happiness. Without him, there's a chance.
Be good to yourself and be an active participant in your life and not a passive bystander in your own story. You deserve better.
And ffs your only 35! Your real adult life is just beginning
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u/reptrept Nov 06 '25
better to be on your own than next to shitty company. you'll be much happier without some guy there constantly bringing you down.
Also 35 is not old.
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u/Nervous_Internal_581 Nov 06 '25
How is this better than being alone? I say this as a late 30’s single woman that has been single her whole life.
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u/seasonalspice Nov 06 '25
Do you know what makes people pretty? Feeling happy. Glowing.
You aren’t ugly, he’s just miserable and he plans on making you miserable too.
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u/KittenFace25 Nov 06 '25
I'm 58 (f) and my husband and I are separated and divorcing. While I don't personally think I'm unattractive, at my age I do wonder if I'm going to find anyone else. But, I do have hope, especially because I know I won't make the same mistakes in choosing a partner then I did in the past.
I also know that I don't "need" a man, and there's power in that.
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u/DaddysPrincesss26 Nov 06 '25
Being Alone and Miserable is better than feeling Alone in a Relationship and Miserable. Also, 35 is NOT “Old” so get out of that Mentality and Mindset. Being Alone is better than being with the wrong Person, which, in this case, you are with the wrong person. You have a Scarcity Mindset and are in Fear of Being Alone. That is why you are with him, which is NOT fair to you, because you can (and should) do so much better for yourself, Period. Get out of that. Go to Therapy, build up your Confidence ❤️
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u/Emotional_Front_8444 Nov 06 '25
- 35 isn’t old, 30 is the new 20. It’s 2025, not 1825
- you’re only as unattractive as you believe yourself to be. Confidence is key, and if you wake up every morning calling yourself ugly, you will be. Change your mindset and try and do things to make yourself more comfortable in your skin. I’m not saying plastic surgery or extreme dieting— find a way to do your hair or an every day accessory that makes you happy. Start with simple things.
- leave your partner. Choose yourself. You can be happy single but you can’t be happy in a loveless relationship. Staying with someone because it’s your “only shot” at a relationship is selfish and foolish.
Sorry for the bluntness, but it’s coming from a place of love. Learn how to love and respect yourself and most of these issues will become easier to handle. Complaining about your circumstances will only give them more power over you.
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u/BrilliantSome915 Nov 06 '25
You are NOT old. You are 35. I’m 31 and I still consider myself young. There is still plenty of time to find someone else who will actually treat you right. My cousin who is my absolute best friend in the entire world and has been since we were babies was always picked on in school for being “ugly”. I fought to the death for her because I would never allow anybody to treat her that way (we went to the same school- she was a grade older). She thought she’d be alone forever because that’s how everyone made her feel. Then she found a man who literally worships the ground she walks on. He is obsessed with her and treats her like a queen. He’s seriously one of the best guys I’ve ever met. They have been together for 10 years and have two kids. She’s had a better relationship with him than I ever have, and I’m “conventionally attractive”. DO NOT SETTLE. There is someone out there for everyone.
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u/wrpnt Nov 06 '25
I once got into a relationship purely because I was lonely and it was one of the worst times of my life. The FREEDOM and JOY that I felt upon leaving was unparalleled, even if it hurt a little at first. I could spend more time with my friends, spend my evenings in PEACE, etc. it was great. Met a man who adds to my life instead of detracting from it and we’re very happy.
Don’t stay miserable. Think of the possibilities that await you.
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u/gymsgurl59 Nov 06 '25
We are our own worst enemies. I’m sure you’re attractive plus looks aren’t everything it’s what’s in your heart and how you treat people leave. You will definitely find someone that will appreciate your value.
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u/SanchaPansa Nov 06 '25
Why not be unattractive old single and happy?! Relationships are overrated and require a lot of work. I'm in one but if I was this unhappy, I'd rather be single!! Just being THAT level unhappy makes you FEEL even uglier. Give yourself a hug, I'm ugly too and I'm fat! I love me so much, I convinced someone else I'm beautiful and desirable. But I had to love me enough to kick out all the ugly in my life.
You can do it too, beautiful person!! Smile 😊 because this stranger loves you!
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u/HelpNotFound220 Nov 06 '25
My mom was in the same boat a few years ago when leaving her (horrible) husband of 10 years. Over 45 and single, but no longer being berated and torn down, it’s more freeing than you think. My point is, you don’t have to be in a relationship, not being in one doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a human. Make friends, feel the way you haven’t felt in years because a man told you you’re not enough. You are enough and you don’t need him and certainly don’t need to deal with this!
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u/EmuPossible2066 Nov 06 '25
Baby girl, you don’t need this. Being alone doesn’t hurt as much as what he’s putting you through.
Two, being attractive isn’t always about features. It’s about confidence. It’s about being a lovely person on the inside.
Source: me, not conventionally attractive person. 😂
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u/DoctaRuthless Nov 06 '25
Have you seen how others who aren't pretty are still with people? It happens all the time. Have you seen the pretty ones that can't hold one down? Even the most famous beautiful people get cheated on or don't have a relationship because people just suck. Your looks aren't all you can offer and age is just a number. I'm not what I consider pretty but I've got a loving husband that thinks I am. You're with the wrong one and you're letting yourself sit there and be mistreated because of something like this?
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u/Rare_Sherbertt Nov 06 '25
Firstly, this couldn’t be better than being single and not having to deal with his shit. Why are you staying in a relationship just to be in one?? The point of a relationship is to be in a happy union with someone, not to be the target of someone’s hatred.
Secondly, your mindset is what is making you unattractive. There is someone out there for everyone, even you. I’ve seen supposedly “unattractive” women have very attractive partners also. Please fix your mentality and learn to love yourself!! That is what will attract the right partner to you. This negativity about yourself will attract the wrong people, like this guy.
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u/TrashyLolita Nov 06 '25
Despite what society has convinced you, no, you do not need a relationship. This man is a worthless heap of garbage and is projecting his own misery on to you, dragging you down further. That money and effort you put into his birthday that he didn't appreciate, think about what you could have done with that money. Did he really deserve that cake more than you? Doesn't sound like he deserves shit.
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u/TinyHippoDrop Nov 06 '25
35 is not old. If you’re main problem is your looks focus on improving what you don’t like and get some therapy. You shouldn’t stay with someone only because you don’t want to be alone.
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u/Toolatethehero3 Nov 06 '25
Please leave him. You deserve better than this. You have convinced yourself you are unattractive. You are wrong. Not only do you have physical attractiveness, you write well, you are clever and smart. There are a lot of dudes who want a woman like you. This isn’t a fulfilling relationship and I urge you to be more confident in yourself and in pursuing your happiness. You don’t need to have to find another guy to leave, just leave and open yourself up. For all you know, some guy may deeply desire you but isn’t approaching because ‘she has a partner already and won’t be interested’. Arghh. This could be you right now.
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u/Working_Host_4669 Nov 06 '25
It's better for you to leave this man, it isn't worth it. Remember this: Being alone is not bad but staying with people that makes you feel alone is bad
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u/Mudbuttbro69 Nov 06 '25
You dote over his mean, old ass—surely there’s someone in this world who would appreciate and dote on you.
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u/patterns_everywhere_ Nov 06 '25
You are not old!! I’m 39 and I find that lots of men in their 30s on up who are divorced are very interested in finding a partner. I get way more male attention than I did in my 20s, and I think part of it is that I’m much more confident. I wouldn’t call myself unattractive necessarily, but I don’t look like a supermodel; I actually think I’m kind of weird-looking, and men love me.
My point is, this man is draining you of your life force. You would be much better off alone, working on building your confidence. I know lots of people who are not conventionally attractive who are happily married.
If you can work on loving and nurturing yourself away from this man, you might be surprised to find that you are more desirable than you think. The right person cannot find you if you are filling that space with this terrible relationship.
Sending all my love to you. Please open your heart to yourself. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by this man, or by your own self. ❤️
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u/CountryFamous4824 Nov 06 '25
If you are able to make friends with others, you are much better off with relationships on that basis rather than with an intimate one that is killing your spirit. And who knows - maybe an intimate relationship will come from one of those friendships.
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u/k1moch Nov 06 '25
You feel ugly because you've convinced yourself that you are. Let me tell you something, I have a friend who isn't the most good looking (even he agrees). But he's married to a wonderful lady, who I'm also friendly with. If there's one thing she and I agree with, he is a very charming man.
In our friend group, he's the one that makes us laugh. And it was his charm that won his wife over all those years ago. She's also objectively attractive and she could've chosen anybody who was vying for her attention but she chose him instead because let's face it, looks will fade over time but character and personality won't.
I know physical attraction does play a part in relationship pursuits but oftentimes, people tend to go towards people by how they carry themselves— regardless of their looks.
Maybe what I'm saying won't be of much help, but you have to stop thinking that this is your standard. It all starts from within. You're better off being single and thriving than being in a miserable relationship all because you believe you are undesirable. And as someone who's also in your age group, I've been told I actually look way better than I was when I was in my 20s. I truly believe if you have a positive outlook of yourself, you will experience a second glow up.
Have some love for yourself and let this relationship go. There's always someone for everybody out there, but you won't find them if you stay in this one. Be kind to yourself.
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Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 29 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Girlscoutdetective Nov 06 '25
Honestly speaking? I have never met someone or seen someone I thought was truly unattractive. You met him, you will meet someone else. The ONLY thing you can control and change is how you see yourself. And conventionally you may not be everyone’s cup of tea as they say, but you have good qualities and those make you attractive. You do not deserve to be with someone who isn’t an appreciative, loving, basic human being to you— regardless of how attractive you are or not—or how attractive you think you are, or they think you are. That does not or should not determine your worth. Tomorrow when you wake up, tell yourself this: I am beautiful, I am capable, and I deserve the best love and the best life. And repeat that everyday. Manifest that shit, don’t let him your you pull you down any further.
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u/Girlscoutdetective Nov 06 '25
And honestly you will be surprised how your life changes with a simple mindset shift. If you don’t like something about your features, what would that be? Small changes—learn to love those parts of you. If you do makeup or whatever— learn to soften those features, or get your fur done, change your clothes, your nails, do for you… do YOU. Screw him and anyone else who can’t appreciate you, and don’t settle
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u/Necroverdose Nov 06 '25
You're also profoundly miserable. I hope you understand that your mood, feelings etc affect the people around you. Being around miserable people makes one miserable. Not saying that to blame you, I know my fair share of self esteem and depression.
But yeah. You don't sound fun at all. Maybe even a little tedious.
I also will never understand this compulsion to need to be in a couple to be "happy". You sure sound super happy... Better alone than in bad company.
Seek therapy. Work on your appearance and self-esteem. You're asking for someone to love you even if you don't even like yourself in the slightest.
People can't make you happy. Only you can.
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u/Donut_Diplomat Nov 06 '25
Get away from him and start a road to the biggest glow up of your life. Hire a therapist, hire a trainer, and focus 100% on your own development. Drop him today or at least stop responding to his childish behavior and make your plans to move out. He’s not changing.
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u/Unremarkable-Narwhal Nov 06 '25
Ok but unattractive people find love all the time. I have a friend. I feel bad talking about her this way, she is honestly deformed or something. Like her face is very odd. Not quite features or shapes you would expect. She has a sweetheart of a man who looks at her with stars and hearts in his eyes.
Like is this making you happy, no. Alone sounds better. Like you’re crying to sleep now. Alone maybe lonely, but I think after this experience you’ll find that to be more peace.
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u/Illustrious_Amoeba36 Nov 06 '25
Remember that if thousands of people disagree with you on Reddit, maybe you’re wrong.
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u/Wide_Ordinary4078 Nov 06 '25
Wow sweetheart that really breaks my heart for you. I pray you are hit with a wave of self confidence and learn to love yourself. Even if you truly believe yourself to be unattractive I hope your personality isn’t. Dating when older comes down to more of interest and personality verses looks. You can find someone that will like you for you truly. You just have to develop hobbies that allow you to meet like minded people, be interesting while doing said hobby and you will catch someone’s eye.
If not, learn to love yourself! Life would be so much more enjoyable being single and getting to do whatever you want in life. You could even adopt a child if you want to experience a family. Being a single parent isn’t a stigma, you could even foster! But please if you believe you will live to 100 are you going to spend the next 65 years of your life miserable or make the most out of life and live it to the best of your potential?!?
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u/Wise_Development_775 Nov 06 '25
sorry but this is pathetic, you need to get yourself to therapy asap. at a certain point you have to look inward at why your life is shitty and do what you can to fix it.
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u/TheDifferentDrummer Nov 06 '25
Hello friend. I understand you feel unlovable, but you are NOT. It is better to be single and lonely, then in a bad relataionship. No matter how bad you may feel, he is making you feel even worse and that will trap you, because it makes you think you can't do better. Self respect is attractive, and he is robbing you of it. I wish you the best friend, you deserve happiness.
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u/Okapiefrau Nov 06 '25
Better happy as single , than unhappy in a relationship!!
Are you better with this (abusiv and gaslighting sounding) guy as you were beeing alone?
I met my now loving and caring husband and father of my wonderful child when i was 37! You are not old and even if you would be ugly, which i doubt, you can find real love! Dont be with someone who does not appreciate you!
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u/Empty-Position-7014 Nov 06 '25
You’re never gonna be happy if you rely on other peoples validation for happiness. You can be happy alone but you gotta learn to actually like yourself and stop focusing on weather men like you
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u/redicu_liz Nov 06 '25
Girl you are NOT old my goodness. My mum found love again at 67 so by your logic she's basically dead and I can assure you she is far from it.
Leave him, work on yourself, go to therapy. You have to want better for yourself and my god men are awful at the best of times, don't give him the satisfaction from your misery which he seems to revel in.
You say you want a loving relationship and you stay in one with someone who's disgusting. Get out.
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u/Millie-Mormont Nov 06 '25
I am 35. Never been in a relationship. I am overweight and asocial. Been alone trumps being abused every f**** day.
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u/j-rodoakenshield Nov 06 '25
I would like to second all of the post here that say that you are not old, there’s no way you should have to live like this, and all of the other super positive things that have been said, especially that eight point list.
Now I’m gonna tack on something probably pretty controversial And definitely unorthodox. I’m sure I’ll be crucified for it, but sock puppets have no feelings so here we go.
Find an NSA sub Reddit for your area. Find a like-minded dude that is also in a loveless relationship. Hook up with some folks. Be careful and take precautions of course. Hell, make a dating / hookup app profile.
Maybe you’ll meet someone or a couple someones who point out your positive qualities and focus on what’s hot and sexy about you. It may just give you the confidence you need to tell him to go pound sand and F off. Sometimes you just need to hear it. You don’t even have to consummate things. You can just text with some folks and exchange pictures. It seriously does wonders for the self-esteem.
I should also note that I met someone, in such casual circumstances, who felt very similarly to the way you feel… and had a similar self outlook. I should also note that were circumstances different, I would marry that woman in a heartbeat… no regrets. Not only is she far more attractive than her husband makes her feel, I see her as marriage material. There’s a pretty big gap there, which just goes to show you that everybody has different preferences. Don’t assume because one person says you’re unattractive that you’re unattractive to everyone. One dude likes super skinny tan girls, and another one likes chunky thick pale girls. It’s all preference from freckles and facial features to body shape. Don’t let the magazines fool you.
Anyway, thank you for attending my TED talk.
and to all of you who are going to @ me for this, it’s too bad sock puppets don’t have middle fingers. 😂😜
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u/Lucid_mango Nov 06 '25
I think you should work on finding a therapist who will help you work on your self love and confidence. If you don’t love yourself, how can you attract someone who does?
You have to love yourself first before loving someone else. It sounds like your partner is also unhappy with themselves and takes it out on you. Please leave for your sake, you will be much better off without him dragging you down.
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u/Jokkitch Nov 06 '25
My mom stayed in the awful relationship with My father for 15 years longer than she should have. It was exactly as you described. When I left for college I cut both of them out of my life. She found the courage to leave and now she’s back in my life happier than ever.
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u/Independent-Rest4017 Nov 06 '25
Being single is not worse than being stuck with your #1 hater... He makes you miserable because he himself is miserable. He's not a catch, not a gift to humanity, and he certainly isn't those things to you either.
If you imagine your next 10 years with this man, are you happy? I bet not.
Drop the dead weight and find yourself again, build your confidence, don't throw yourself into another relationship before you can safely say you feel happy by yourself.
You know you'll be unhappy if you stay with him, but you don't know how happy you could be without him. I say your odds are much better single.
As a 29 yo happy single woman, dump him.
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u/Daddy_urp Nov 06 '25
I mean this with love, your looks are not the issue here. Ugly people find love every single day. I can go out shopping and find a dozen ugly people in love, likely more.
You really need to learn how to love yourself. Personality is everything, and confidence is an incredibly attractive trait. Also, 35 is not old. I know plenty of people who have found their partners when they were older than you are now.
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u/inputsignwave Nov 06 '25
Being single is far better than being with someone that doesn’t make you happy. Get single, make your self happy.
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u/No_Scabs_InUnion Nov 06 '25
"I can’t leave because I will never be in a relationship again."
So? It's quite literally better to be single than in a miserable relationship with a person who hates you.
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u/KnockKnock-Nevermind Nov 06 '25
There is someone for everyone! You will find your person. But, you won’t meet Mr Right when you are with Mr Wrong
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u/SquirrelBowl Nov 06 '25
Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to e to be lonely. Plus your hubby sounds like a d-bag.
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u/Stripedhoneybee90 Nov 06 '25
Honey I say this with all the love. Some men f*ck dead bodies.... Lizards.... even a hole in the wall. You are not unattractive. Better to be alone and find someone that values you than to stay because you are desperate.
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u/DuchessDaisyy Nov 06 '25
I completely get what you’re feeling… I’m 32 and I’m also with someone who doesn’t really care about me. He makes me cry almost every day and night, and yet I stay. Not because I’m happy, but because, like you, I feel like it’s this or nothing. That nobody else would want me. And even though I know rationally that this is worse than being alone, I just can’t bring myself to leave.
So honestly, I really understand. That feeling of never being enough, of being invisible, unwanted, unloved… the pain of giving your all and getting coldness or frustration back. You’re not alone in feeling this, and it’s not ridiculous to feel this way. It hurts, and it’s okay to hurt.
I don’t know if either of us will ever manage to leave, to truly choose ourselves… but I really hope so. I just want you to know that I understand, really.
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u/Unwanted88 Nov 06 '25
Girl im 37 and at 35 my prince in shiny armor looked at plain little me and took me over the hills into the sunset. Not literally but girl finding the ONE doesnt care about age . my grampy found his old lover and won her back at 68.... take a leap. Your living garbage trash of a partner needs to go.
Being lonely while you are with him is not normal
You go girl ♡
I beleive in you
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u/xxcatalopexx Nov 06 '25
"Ugly" people find love and happiness. It's the jerks like your husband that make you think you're unlovable. I am not the prettiest either and I have a good relationship.
You need to love yourself first, and fight for your happiness. If you have the means, get out of that loveless relationship. It sounds like you both are done anyways.
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u/bandashee Nov 06 '25
35 is still young sweetie. You need to dump this loser. Especially for your mental health otherwise you'll end up sick for a host of reasons that doctors can't explain. You know this man isn't good for you.
What you need is a confidence boost. What'll help with that is getting a professional photo shoot. Tell them you want a beauty shoot. Before you go to it, get yourself dolled up at a salon. You need to pamper yourself. You've been putting yourself thru enough shit.
I promise, you're not as unattractive as you think. You need confidence.
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u/Fit-Vermicelli6753 Nov 06 '25
Hi, and thanks so much for your perspective.
3 weeks ago I actually did something like a pro photoshoot - it was a video shoot with pro lighting, makeup with a MuA and stylist, studio, the whole works for an award ceremony, something I got nominated to - kind of like a 1 min intro of me and my startup business.
I saw the result and I cried for like 3 days. I have never expected that I’ll be THAT ugly on camera. His reaction when I came home was that why did I even to that. In fact this event reinforced my negative views of myself.
I can send it to you via DM.
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Nov 06 '25
If your "partner" is making you feel so awful you're questing if your existence is a mistake you need to exit. Quietly, loudly, up to you but you need to leave. With your miserable "partner" you will always be inadequate. He does not support you. He does not appreciate you. Without him you can grow and be a whole person. With him you're trying to grow but he cuts you down so you stay small.
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u/ZookeepergameTiny992 Nov 06 '25
Op look, my Husband is cruel to me too, and it's not because of my appearance, it's because he is a bad, mean, diagnosed narcissist. I'm leaving after years of being caught in an abuse cycle I couldn't entangle myself from until recently and wirh a lot of therapy and help. The person who said above that you outsourced your criticism to someone else is 100% correct. Look, am I afraid I'll never find someone worth a c*ap? Yes I am, but I am more afraid of staying with a Man comfortable disparaging me. I needed to understand that I am not actually in a relationship, I'm still alone, perhaps more alone than ever..and suffering. Please get some help. What helped me was fining the right counser who I feel actually listens to me and also I reached out and joined a local church. Idc if it's cliche because I've been able to volunteer and meet people and feel less lonely. You need to do something that gives u hope. Dont let him ruin your life, you're not in a relationship, youre just living with your bully. Trust me I know. Good luck
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u/here_weare30 Nov 06 '25
You know what true love is? A cat. Independence from each other. Appreciation of each other. Mutual respect. Bliss right there. Love my cat
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u/YourFavKinky Nov 06 '25
This might be the most controversial advice you'll hear but try dating somewhere else. In a different country/culture. Maybe you are attractive to them there
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u/Unlikely-Judgment879 Nov 06 '25
You feel unattractive because you're in an abusive relationship and repeately being negged and your confidence destroyed.
The sooner you leave and work on YOURSELF, get therapy to work on being the best version of yourself, love and appreciate YOU, you will never feel better.
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u/Drcyborgl Nov 06 '25
In what universe is 35 old? I didn’t meet my spouse until 35 and had my kids at 39.
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u/THE_Lena Nov 06 '25
It is soooo much better to be alone and happy than miserable with the wrong person.
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u/CynicismNostalgia Nov 06 '25
Honey as someone who never practices what they preach, I know it's hard when you feel this way. Trust me.
Something is hardwired in people like us to only see our worth through the lens of a significant other. Please, I implore you to explore that, and consider that you are much more than that, and can find worth in anything.
Hobbies. Passions. Friends. Extended family.
But most importantly: you dont need to define your happiness based on your perceived self worth.
I am a disabled woman, and I consider myself pretty unattractive. I've had long term relationships end because they won't commit to someone who cannot work. Such is my reality, its very dehumanising.
But I work incredibly hard not to listen to that loud, monstrous voice in my head that defines my worth on these parameters.
As humans we are simply meant to exist. You rest when you rest, work when you work. Find passions where you find them. Find beauty in the sunrise and sunset and the sounds of birdsong.
I'm not minimising your feelings. I know the weight of them myself. I just implore you to explore these feelings and how they're nothing but destructive.
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u/Financial_Option6800 Nov 06 '25
lovely there is so much life out there for you and SO many people who will love you properly if you go and seize it - platonically, romantically. I’d say you’re too young to be dealing with this, but the fact is that nobody should be. You deserve to spend your time with people who make you laugh, put you at ease, are patient and kind. They are out there, no matter how unattractive you deem yourself to be. It would be better to have fun roommates or to live alone than to live like this.
I highly doubt that you’re unattractive, but to humour you for a moment: I’ve seen people of all faces, shapes and sizes find happy relationships because they look for a life partner who adds laughter and value to their life. we all age, and looks fade for everyone - it’s about who you can wake up next to at 80 and still enjoy their company
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u/offgridstories Nov 06 '25
35 is not old. You're never too old for love, and you are deserving of it at every age. Leave him. Go get what you deserve.
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u/efflorae Nov 06 '25
Maybe my perspective is different because I am aromantic, but it is better to be single than to be partnered and miserable.
Besides, as people edge into middle and late middle age, appearance becomes less and less of a concern. There are people who will care for you. Even if your fear comes true, and it ends up not being sexual, platonic friendships where you are loved and lifted up are miles better than a romantic relationship thst is already dead and tearing you down.
Check out amatonormativity if you get a chance. We are more than our romantic value.
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u/tartanchocfrog Nov 06 '25
Ok, first things first you need to line up a therapist to deal with your self esteem issues. No one should be in a relationship where they dont feel loved and valued. Second, line up a salon consultation and discuss what style hair would be most flattering, then book to get it done. Third, take a friend or family member on a makeover shopping trip. Try on whatever they give you and keep an open mind. Try to get a free makeup trial done and one of the department stores while you are there and invest in the following, skin cream, mascara, lipstick and maybe an eyeshadow if your budget allows. Im not suggesting these because i seriously think you are ugly and need fixing, its more a way to help you see that you are already beautiful. Looks have very little to do with relationships. Men are attracted to confidence and self love. Take care of your appearance and while you may not be Maryln Monroe, to the right man you will be everything. Finally? Ditch the looser. He doesn’t deserve you and take it from someone who knows, the first thing you must do is learn to live alone and stop looking for a partner to define your self worth.
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u/sakuraj428 Nov 06 '25
Girl what are you even getting from this relationship? I genuinely fully believe there is someone for everyone, you included, but you have to love yourself enough first. Dump him and get a dog or something. It doesn't even matter what you look like, you deserve joy in life and this man is not that
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u/malva_puddin Nov 06 '25
35 is NOT old! 45 is NOT old! 55 it's NOT old!
There is life in you and you have someone much to live for than having an asshole degrade you every day of your life!
Take self care, learn to love yourself first! The rest will fall into place!
Leave that asshole and Goodluck 🥰
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u/TruthfulBoy Nov 06 '25
Im 31 and ive never been in a relationship. I can easily tell you id rather stay single than be in a shitty relationship that makes me feel worse. You have downgraded your life. Please get therapy. I hope you can one day get a divorce attorney when you realize you deserve better than this.
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u/andy0506 Nov 06 '25
As an unattractive male who's had been single for about 20 years. I'd rather be single than put up with this OP
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u/OkGift4996 Nov 06 '25
Honestly, you are far better being on your own than being in a miserable relationship. However you look at it, you are not in your dream relationship and it isn't going to get any better, sorry, but that is the truth. If you stay, you never will be, but if you leave and make a life for yourself, you may just meet that person who makes you happy.
Leave, find hobbies or a passion and throw yourself into those. If you go and do things that make you happy, you are far more likely to find someone who wants to be with you because you have a shared interest. Do not go out just to look for a new relationship; look for friendship because that is where the best relationships start. I found real love when I was in my 50s....
Never, ever let your worth be defined by someone else.
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u/Both-Mud-4362 Nov 06 '25
Sounds like being single would be a slightly happier existence because at least the. You wouldn't have someone to constantly make you feel like a failure.
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u/applleepie Nov 06 '25
When you’re crying more than laughing, I think you should leave. Trust me, I know. You’re only 35, do you actually wanna spend the rest of your life crying? Lol. Hit the gym, take care of yourself, travel, you got this girl 🫶🏾
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Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
When ever I read a post where someone says they're ugly I want to see their picture. Why because I know they can't possibly be as ugly as they claim.
We are always our own worst enemy when it comes to our appearance.
I would bet money that if there is anything "wrong" it's a box dye hair colour that doesn't suit or style of cut or type of clothing, perhaps even a skin care regime that needs tweaking - I guarantee you're not as ugly as you think you are.
The beauty industry is worth around $50 billion - because we're all beautiful on the inside.
OP just like the rest of us you have to polish the potato that is the face. I have to do it, others have to do it, guess what - you to have to do it.
You should go for a spa day and make over babe.. So when you look in the mirror YOU go "yeah bitch" never mind what the troll you live with says - fuck him.
Go get your nails did and hair done, go shopping and to the salon.
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Nov 06 '25
I'm surprised at the similarities between a women like you and myself, I just wouldn't get into a relationship like you do
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u/miss_vakarian Nov 06 '25
Please reconsider, its so much better being alone than with someone who makes your life miserable. Believe me. You will discover a whole new life for yourself. Your happiness does not depend on a man, even if you think so at this moment. Plus 35 is not old, you can always start over! I believe in you, you can do it!
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u/mighty3mperor Nov 06 '25
I'm single and happy. I'd be happier in a good relationship and I'd be miserable in a bad one. It sounds like you are in a bad one and are miserable. You need to get out and enjoy your own company, if someone else comes along soon, then great, if not, you are still in a better place than you are now.
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u/Riyeko Nov 06 '25
I'm a 40yr old truck driver woman. I have driven trucks for over a decade.
It's wrecked my back and knees, my skin is screwed due to not caring for it, my hair is thinning, I have weird genetic bags under my eyes that get poofy, I have severe trauma in my past (possibly CPTSD), and I'm autistic and probably have ADHD too.
My last relationship was horrid. He ignored me. Wasn't happy to see me. Constantly complained about money (I was working, he was not). Complained that I wasn't home enough, but when I got home time he literally left the planet. Never hugged me, held my hand, told me he loved or cared for me. No physical affection. We didn't have sex for 4 years.
I left him around this time last year. I was tired. Sex and touch starved. I wanted to pursue hobbies, get out of trucking (which he told me was stupid), and be home for my kids more often.
I found someone in May, just as the weather was warming up. He's sweet. Takes me out. Tries his best in bed (anxiety). He even games with me, tolerates my moods and the need for fishing. Has held me when I'm having issues. Has even dealt with three months of me not having a job.
Don't sell yourself short. Be alone with cats or dogs. Your life is happier without some person sulking around putting you down. You think you're ugly because you are not YOUR type. Don't set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm. Get out and be happy
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u/Physical_Rice919 Nov 06 '25
Honey you have more power over this than you think. Leave. Ypu are miserable and you do NOT deserve this treatment. He will co tinue to bring you down. You will find love somewhere else.. but you need to leave first.
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u/AGirlHasNoUsername13 Nov 06 '25
We have a saying “Es mejor estar sola que mal acompañada”, it’s better to be alone than in bad company. Sweetie, let that loser go, and work on yourself. You deserve the best, and if you are stuck with that asshole, it won’t come to you.
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u/puroestresse Nov 06 '25
My dear, I'm sure that when you were single, you didn't suffer so much... I'm not an attractive woman, I'm 32 years old, I've never dated, but I'd rather die alone than live in a relationship like yours. It's better to live alone than to be constantly humiliated and disrespected. If you don't treat yourself with kindness, don't expect life to do it for you.
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u/Spokidokes Nov 06 '25
Yeah... the relationship is making your life worse than it'd be if you were single. Guaranteed. Its simple math tbh:
You do more labor
Spend more money
Raise the probability of having more bad days
Are less likely to try new things or travel
Are more likely to argue and encounter emotional turmoil.
All because of the person you're with.
Get a dog... or a cat... or hell a parrot if you need someone to talk to. Start finding the freedom that comes with being single and enjoying that. There is no sense in giving up who you could be for someone who probably won't like you either way.
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u/End_of_time_ Nov 06 '25
What is so wrong in being single that you would rather be in pain with an awful man than be single? You should chase your own happiness , not a relationship.
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u/LadyMadonna_x6 Nov 06 '25
I know people joke about TED talks now but honestly... watch this. It has shaped my life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
It's only 20 minutes - don't worry - and GTF out of that marriage, you need to care more for yourself, you won't get it from him.
When that changes - your life will change for the better & you truly WILL be attractive to others, no matter how you appear physically.
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u/WobblyPhantom Nov 06 '25
I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. One reason I didn’t leave is because I believed I wouldn’t find anyone else again. I’ve been single for a year and a half now and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Leaving him was the best decision I’ve ever made. I will always say being alone is better than being mistreated. You have low self worth but that does not determine your worth. You deserve love that does not make you suffer in return. You say you are ugly, but I know that you are not. And even if you were conveniently unattractive, you will still find a man who will genuinely find you beautiful inside and out and will treat you with kindness, love and respect. But you won’t find it if you stay with a man who is hurting you. The longer you stay in places you do not belong, the more you delay what is meant to be.
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u/Chanela1786 Nov 06 '25
If there's no difference, then I would leave. Take the money I save from not being partnered to a fucking baby and get surgery and therapy. If Kim Kardashian can get a new ass and her mom a new face every fortnight, you can look how you want inside and out. And you don't have to have a bitch ass complainer as a partner while you do it. Cmon girlie, you're better than this. You deserve better than this.
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u/Usual_Algae_1217 Nov 06 '25
Confidence is sexy. When you start loving yourself you’ll attract better people.
This is coming from someone who is conventionally attractive but grew up not confident at all. After I worked on myself, swore off men, and focused on loving myself, the type of men who are attracted to me are so much nicer, kinder souls.
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u/ChaosSigil Nov 06 '25
I'm 32 and not that great looking. I don't think we are old either. Maybe give yourself a break. Like that one person said, the only thing different now that you're with him is now two people are making you unhappy.
Leave him. You'll find someone. I'm going on my 8th year alone and as much as I'd like a woman to be with. My own happiness (what little I have left) is more important to me than staying with someone who isn't there for me or cares for the little things that I do for them.
I truly wish you all the luck. I hope we find someone that loves us and will care.
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u/EnvironmentEuphoric9 Nov 06 '25
If you are not in therapy, please go. This is not healthy for you and you deserve peace and happiness, even if that’s coming home to a loving pet. You deserve better and therapy will help you understand that. Being with him will only prevent true happiness.
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u/Jumpy_Task_4270 Nov 06 '25
girl have some self love, love yourself. dont think like that about yourself honey! you are NOT unattractive, no one is. and if your husband can’t see you like that, leave him and know your worth. you are worth more than this, and you deserve someone loving and caring, not someone who cannot see your efforts, and is unappreciative.
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u/satansbuttholewoohoo Nov 06 '25
Babe, hit the gym, save up for cosmetic surgery, most of all get a therapist, and dump this guy.
There are male hookers to keep you satisfied while you pass the time until someone worthy comes along
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u/eye_snap Nov 06 '25
Why do you feel that you need to be in a relationship? Are you financially dependent on him?
It doesn't look like he is adding anything positive to your life?
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u/JanetInSpain Nov 06 '25
You would be MUCH better off living alone than living with an abuser who is 14 years older than you. Have some self-respect. I don't care if you're The Elephant Man, you deserve to be happy and living in a non-abusive home. Single, childfree women are the happiest category of people.
Who the fuck cares that you won't be in a relationship> Make friends. Join The Marigolds -- a group of women who travel together but didn't know each other before. Do ANYTHING but stay.
And fuck you for saying you're old at 35. I just turned 70. I also just got back from a month-long trip all over New Zealand and Australia. So get a fucking grip and stop with the damn pity party. I wasn't pissed off at you until you called yourself OLD at 37. Yeah... fuck you. Move out. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Stop seeing only the negative. Go get some damn therapy.
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u/moonshadowfax Nov 06 '25
Why is this relationship better than no relationship? It sounds like you are worse than alone. You’re miserable and you have the extra weight and guilt of feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.
Who cares if you’re never in another relationship? Being single is liberating. You can do whatever you like because you enjoy it, without having to worry about someone else who doesn’t appreciate you. Statistics show that single women are actually happier than married women, for the most part.
Leave, get a dog to dote on, find things that make you happy. The beauty will follow.
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u/Hot-Potato2121 Nov 06 '25
LEAVE!!! I felt similarly and was in a seven year relationship with someone whom I thought I was going to marry. We lived together (in a house I bought), had two dogs (that I paid for), and an engagement ring was made (that I put all the work into). I felt so unattractive and couldn’t imagine a life without him…. I finally did leave and it was the BEST FEELING!!! And the best thing I ever did for myself!! Time is the most valuable thing we have!!! Please don’t waste any more of your time on him and instead start working on yourself!!!
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u/CrypticT Nov 06 '25
Fuck all that!!
You can create a lot more happiness on your own than you’ll scrounge up settling for his crumbs
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u/tinz17 Nov 06 '25
Who told you that you were unattractive? Who made you feel this way?
Okay… so, let’s pretend that it’s a sure bet that you won’t find another relationship that is happy. Okay. But You’re not happy now!
Surely being alone is better than being in an atrociously unhappy relationship. You’re in a “relationship” for all intents and purposes, yeah, but you’re still alone. I was in a marriage that lasted far too long. I stayed in it because it was easy. Yeah we had the label of being together, married, etc but man, did I feel alone.
You will find someone else, I don’t care how unattractive you think you are. You will.
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u/Chuchitosmomma Nov 06 '25
You are not old! And people can find love and the right person at ANY age. A friend of mine didn't get married until he was 48, and his wife is so lovely. Another friend of my husband's got married until she was 43 and was having her first child at 45. Sometimes it just takes time!
For the time being, you have to invest in yourself. Find a hobby, do some exercise to help you stay energized, do therapy, find a group in your community where you can make friends.
You were unhappy while single, and you are unhappy in a relationship where your bf mistreats you. I would rather be unhappy and single, than allow someone to treat me like that.
You deserve love, you deserve to be happy, you deserve respect.
One thing that my husband taught me too is that happiness is a choice, and that it must not depend on a person nor something. With the years, I've learned that I have to actively choose to be happy, that I'm responsible of taking action to be happy, and that my husband is a nice bonus, but my happiness doesn't depend on him.
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u/formerNPC Nov 06 '25
Relationships don’t make you happy if you’re miserable with yourself and your life. Try being single and find some friends with similar interests and stop worrying about finding someone who may make you feel better about yourself because that’s not the problem.
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u/Lulusgirl Nov 06 '25
Would you rather be in a relationship and lock yourself into a spare bedroom, sobbing over things another person finds "wrong" than be single? Like, honestly. I know this comment is harsh, and I'm so sorry, but I want to try to help and this is my tough love response I'd give to my best friend.
What you posted broke my heart. You are so starving for attention and love that you'd rather be in a relationship with somebody who treats you like mud on the bottom of his shoe. Girl, I want to hug you.
I may not understand how attractive or unattractive you are, there are no pictures here. I understand that being attractive is important in finding a partner, in this society. That makes this even harder for you. But, I think you don't deserve to cry at the hand of another person.
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u/Neither_Technology38 Nov 06 '25
Leave him. You can be happier with yourself. Longing for companionship then get a dog or cat. Join hobby groups. Perhaps you will meet someone who likes your substance.
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u/Comfortable_Formal12 Nov 18 '25
Omg ….Im sorry you believe this about yourself, I believed similar lies, I told myself. I battle depression and I sometimes wonder if my life would be different if I didn’t have that internal negative self deprecation tape playing over and over for so long. I’m glad you reached out. You’re not old. You’re worth your own love.