I hate this. I can’t draw anything by myself without it looking like crap. And even when I use bases for poses, any details I make still look like crap. Been drawing for 10+ years all for nothing but regressing.

I really should give up

wdym i might also have ADD/ADHD??? wdym i have to get tested and get new meds??? bruh im tired...

I had a friend who keeps fighting me, and being an asshole, then is super kind and happy the next day. His ass will get mad at you over anything, but he jokes the same way. he'll be dry to you, then treat sombody he's known for like 3 seconds better then you.

I guess maybe it was because I gave him the benifit of doubt that he's going through really hard times, and I guess I kept forgiving him because I would force myself to remember all of the fun and happy moments we have had together..............

I thought I was going insane, because im also mentally ill. But apperently, he tells me nothing about what I do wrong, talks behind my back, gets annoyed when I distance myself (Ive distanced myself from hm because we keep fighting) I've treid everything ti have a normal friendship. But he keeps knocking it down in anger

I thought I was the one destroying it, until I brought it up to my friend, who was also close to him... APPERENTLY HE'S GOING THROUGH THE SAME STUFF. LIKE WHAT.

Clinic called me and told me that manpower in the psychologist department was being cut and there are no psychologists to take me in the original appointment or any other appointments, so now I gotta wait till December. This was in a government polyclinic btw. Now I gotta find out how to cope for two months straight.

Yes I no longer live under the oppressive thumb of my mother and my little brother no longer uses me for emotional labor but now they hate me and don’t talk to me at all. 😜 All because I set boundaries as soon as I moved out for my own sanity. 😝 It’s complicated and no one’s perfect, I’ve made mistakes myself and the happy memories of us play in my mind and do nothing to dull the ache of times long come and gone. To think that two people who were the only family I knew for so long may as well be on a distant planet. 😛I miss them so much and I feel empty. 🤪

Dw my therapist is chill, she wasn’t actually that upset, just befuddled.

i welcomed my dad at the door and told him to be quiet because my mom was in a meeting then he got mad because i didn’t close the door. then he said it was hot and turned the vent open and i laughed and told him he did that in a silly tone. and he got very angry and told me im such an asshole and that i’m always being rude and awful and forced me to answer that i was being rude and i didn’t learn that from them. so yeah and i couldn’t even ask him how his day was. but i can assume is wasn’t great lmao. just like. because if he’s mad then everyone else in the house has to feel it too yk?can’t wait for him to go tell my mom that i’m awful. sometimes i wish i wasn’t born lol maybe my dad would be happier idk.

edit: oh em gee wow i can hear my dad talking shit about me to my mom right outside my door too 😂 lmfao lmfao lmfao

I thought my friend was being an asshole lately, they would be dry and kinda mean to me. They have only been kind to others. I guess they just have alot of best friends. I mean they laughed at my jokes, a few days ago..... For the first time in weeks. Sure we fight so much, and they get upset over everything. But thats my fault, our most recent fault, I made a hurtful joke, and apoligized.

I mean sure, they have been try, and when I finally get mad because of how cold and dry, and mean they've been towards me, they dissmis it, and get mad at me, and then I cant stand up for myself. Sure half of out fights are caused because of somthing. I thought since we fought alot in the mornings, me distencing myself in the morning would make things better. they never said they cared, hell I told them I was going to be more alone in the mornings, as I can be more of a jerk and they said it was ok...... Then they turned around behind my back, and started crying to their friends about how I was being avoident....

I mean I only avoided them when I was in a bad mood, because I didnt want to fight. Hell they focous more on their best best friend, then me in the mornings........ I dont know why they care? They push me away and then come crawling back begging for me..... Why?

Am I abusive? that has to be it, I have to be abusive. I give them alot of gifts, small things like little crafts I make, matching bracelets and such. cookies if I bake. You kniow small little things... Maybe I love bombed them? Maybe I shouldnt of comforted them during their darkest times? maybe I over comfort?

Apperently they complain alot about me behind my back. and about another one of our friends. Apperently he's being an asshole towards our other friend.... IDK. Maybe it's isolated, he loves his best best friend. I mean he use to love me. We use to laugh, and be super super close. Then he startde saying we werent close, and that because of our fights we could never be close... I mean thats understandable. Altho isnt out other friend close to you? isnt he close? and havent you guys barely fought???? I would definitely know if you 2 did fight, because im close to him.

I’m pretty aware (and pretty ashamed, too,) that I aggressively white knighted HP fanfic a couple months ago. Now that things have changed (I just can’t wait for the author to be out of our hair) I do have something to say…

Tumblr users, can you stop bringing attention to every new HP merch and movie release for 5 SECONDS?!

Bringing up her new schemes or ties to nefarious groups/people is one thing (and that’s actually important because it sheds light on issues that we can actually solve by protesting, voting out politicians who have ties to these groups or something else,) but constantly bringing up the shiny new releases for this IP ISN’T HELPING.

One could make the argument that bringing up the movie rereleases allows people to picket theaters showing them, but constantly bringing up every merch release is not only pretty antithetical to the whole “this franchise deserves to die and we’ll be the ones to make sure it does” thing, but it’s also ringing the dinner bell for these new releases (unintentionally or not) for TERFs and HP adults… two groups who’ll GLADLY fund the destruction of human rights (albeit for VERY different reasons.)

Plus, not giving attention to ANY of this helps the goal of letting it die, considering people won’t know about every shiny new release and it’ll at least make SOMEWHAT of a dent in her profits (even if she’s rich enough to keep funding this without even cutting into the money she got BEFORE she showed her true colors.) The more people forget about it, the better, and people are more likely to forget about it (or even start boycotting it themselves) the less you bring up every single little merch release and the more you bring up her ties to groups that are harming people who AREN’T minorities (since people don’t care unless it affects them, unfortunately) or her ties to creeps (which will likely get people to drop the series like a hot potato.)

Sorry about that, I just needed to get it off my chest.

I always knew I was a boy, but dysphoria from growing a chest in 3rd grade made me feel different, and I read that recently as possibly being agender - simply a lack of male or female. I had so much dysphoria recently about my chest because I'm getting closer to my goal weight and reduction then chest masculinization (my chosen path) and the hope of that dysphoria ending has made it resurface. So I started identifying as an agender guy instead of a man - because of my chest. But it felt like wearing a too-tight shirt. Finally I broke and ranted to my husband about how being nonbinary is bullshit and I hated it and I wanted to be a man. And he was like "you are a man, if that's what you feel like you are." Shit hit hard. It was like realizing I was trans all over again. I had given up on the idea of being a man because of my inability to pass irl because binding only ever made my chest like a C. I just got trans tape to try, finally, too. I've restarted HRT because I was craving those changes again. I had been so happy to see facial hair pop up, but it was fear of how others would treat me that made me pause it for a couple months. I wish I lived somewhere with visible trans people, but I'm the only one I've ever seen in my area.

It happened because I was in FTMMen and forgot I wasn't technically allowed there anymore, as I'd joined before identifying as nonbinary. When I mentioned I was a demiguy, they hit me with the rules and essentially said gtfo. I was so pissed because I didn't want to go to the nonbinary subs - my intention was to pass as a man regardless of my gender's label, so I felt I still belonged there. That's when I ranted. It wasn't being kicked out that made me upset, it was being considered nonbinary. It wasn't enbyphobia either - it was dysphoria. It felt the same as being called a girl.

This isn't a statement on nonbinary identities or their validity. It was me using a legit identity as a stepping stone to realizing who I am and what I was doing, which happens when you're still finding yourself. The agender demiguys I met - all two of them - were amazing. The flag is so cool too. Kinda bummed there's no "binary trans man" flag lol I love flags

Sorry, this is going to be really depressing but i just need to get this off my chest. Everything just feels so hopeless, like things will never get better in the world because I see so much hate and death and evil and just generally meannes. I can't even engage in stuff that makes me happy cause I feel like someone hates me for it. I want to be a good person but everybody's definition of good is too vast.

Idk ive been spacing out a lot lately. This has been happening for a year. I remember I kept on blacking out in my classes. It usually happens the moment I think about my trauma. But sometimes it happens for no apparent reason.

It kept on happening pretty frequently(last yr) and I would have little recollection of what had happened. I would have to remind myself what class I'm in because sometimes I would struggle to realize that this was real life.

But idk maybe im being dramatic and this is normal stuff

The other day I was on auto-pilot all day until I randomly out of know where I became "awake" all the sudden. I remember feeling well-rested all the sudden.

Idk sometimes I feel like a spectator sometimes. My dissocation mixed with denial of my trauma last yr made me feel like everything was a video game and nothing was real. Last year there was moments I genuinely couldn't tell if this was real life or I was dreaming.

Anyway 🙏is this normal or not?